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News Mar 09, 2010 - There is a great new story in the Featured Writers section; Sister's Fart Slave: Part 1 by Daethor. It's a great story; you should all check it out. Jan 04, 2010 - Sorry guys...it's been rough...real rough...I thought changes were a comin' and they were and it did but then they were ripped away, I thought it was at last the end of the year being wonderful and the new year following suit but, alas, I was so wrong. I got a taste of Heaven only to be immediately thrown back into damnation that is my life but worse since now I know how wonderful what I am missing is...I've felt it, just a taste of something innocent and I want it...and I want more and everyday is even more torturous than the last. I've been partying the past three days after work; getting high, choking down beers until I get drunk, hanging out with my friends doing whatever stupid shit we can...I chased away my bad times with distractions but all distractions end. I could not find a party tonight because I'm a loser in that sense...I've never looked for parties but when I do go looking they aren't there...or just not for me. I'm such a fucking pussy shit that I can't find parties...I'm a fucking loser...I'm lucky if someone brings me along to a party. You want to know what made me happy? So happy for such a time? I was engaged; I was engaged unofficially to a girl who had asked me to do that because she needed stablity...she needed to know I was willing to stay; I figured no harm in this because I would delay the wedding as long as I needed but we'd be together and if we still wanted to when we could get married then we could. I had only known her for a short time but I really liked her and she seemed to like me. I did it because she asked me to; I finally see her for the first time and we kiss every free moment we get...it's wonderful...a dream but she turned it to a nightmare when she broke it off not three days later. How absurd! This was her idea, her plan, and I go along with it...I start feeling for it because she does and then she flips the script and dumps me...she claims a 'truer' love came back into her life. Maybe...or maybe she just hated me in person that much...she complimented my virgin kisses but maybe that was lies...or maybe the confusion idea is right but it's still bullshit! I was happy...I was happy because I had someone at last but apparently it was meaningless to her and I feel now worse than before...I don't want to do anything except inebriate myself and sleep...that's my life now; maybe I'll hop on a chat sometimes but for what purpose...who knows. I had dreams of retiring because I didn't need this shit anymore...but no...no instead I might just retire due to severe lack of desire...or perhaps suicide, that also ends careers. Now that my first crush ever is single (and I was inebriated), I told her I liked her...she rejected m Dec 23, 2009 - Couple of things; working on updating the site itself...not the look but other small changes like adding the date a story was written...just for posterity. I also added a Chat Room...don't ask me why, I figured...why not. I'll be in there fairly frequently; we'll go from there...see if we need more 'official' times...I get all the messages anyways so feel free to say something and I'll get back to you if I know your email...if not, I'll talk about it here in the News section. Additionally, the Featured Writers section isn't getting much love so I posted one of my favorite stories in there...hopefully it'll spark some interest to other writers out there. Additionally, and I can't believe I forgot this; I've posted another story, Kingdom Farts , for your reading pleasure. It was a request that I hope the requester is pleased with...as I hope you, my reading public, are as well. Happy Holidays everyone! Dec 20, 2009 - The story I'm working on, the stories I've done recently...they all remind me why I don't write...they all hurt, they hurt because I know nothing of them; not a kiss, not a blowjob, not a handjob, not a anything...barely a date. God fucking damn it! This is why I don't write! I don't write so I can avoid smoking weed at 9:40 in the morning so I can forget how much my life sucks. A best friend that leaves me hanging for a guy she likes...I become second banana thougt I was there for her first and I have to sit back and wait to hear about his availablity before I can see her! Fucking bitch! Merry Christmas you fucking bitch! No prospects, no way to meet people, don't know where to go...where to look; where to hang, an alone guy like me...no friends to go with...no where to go anyways...just loneliness, loneliness will persist endlessly for all eternity. A romantic holiday and I know nothing of it and I never have! Never have I known anything of romance! Only sorrow! Fuck! People are too busy; bustling to and fro, no time to stop and chat...everyone's running, the people that get dates are those that move fast, sex the first date; take 'em home from the bar and fuck 'em right there on the first day you meet. I like to establish a quasi-friendship first...with the clear intention of liking them as more than just a friend but it always fails...prospects fall off and out of communication and it's just like fuck! I lose again! This wouldn't hurt so much if I had a history but I have nothing in history, the cache has been cleared, there is nothing there...never a past, never a girl that said I like you to look back upon, never a kiss suddendly, nothing. I am 23 with all my older guy fears and doubts and with no history...they are all I have...no one can says, well remember her, she liked you...because there is no her...not yet...probably not ever. I mean, imagine it, 23 year old virgin...how would you feel? How would you feel if you still had nothing by the time you were 23? Never had anything and you were 23? How would you feel? Look deep within yourself...don't just go with the 'nice guy' 'it's okay' response, the 'I would be fine with it' because you wouldn't...I am willing to bet that you wouldn't! Online dating is bullshit, real life dating is difficult...I'm just fucked! Fuck! Dec 19, 2009 - Additionally, I finished Skunked! II: Operation Repopulation . I also quickly wrote Sister in Law III: A New Toy . Apparently I'm making up for lost time. Dec 19, 2009 - As a favor to writers who may be struggling with ideas, I would like to point you to where I have posted up all my Abandoned Stories. Included are my titles, my notes, and the reason why I abandoned them; some are even started and a few get decently underway (with some farts) and that is also included. You are free to pursue and alter them at your pleasure; the only favor I ask is if you do use an idea and write it, allow me to post it up here under the Featured Writers section, with full credit going to you, of course. Dec 18, 2009 - 'Tis the season of giving and I am giving to you. Behold! My Pet Research Assistant is a new tale from the same guy you know and love...me! (Bi-polar much...haha) Anyways, I really liked it when I thought it up; it's one that I really connect with because it's about a friend of mine and I really wanted to write it and get it out there. I'll try to continue working but please understand that this is a really difficult time for me. Most of you have been truly kind and wonderful (even despite my dickishness) and I thank you for that...it's just very difficult right now but I'll try my best. I hope you enjoy this story as much as I do. Dec 14, 2009 - I was recently asked, and I'm paraphrasing, "Are you okay; you used to churn out stories monthly, sometimes weekly, and now we are lucky to be treated to one Closet Fetishist work a year." What is wrong with me is selfishness; I give every part of me away (caring, concern, consideration, love, etc.) and I keep next to none...except pleasure, I still have my own sexual pleasure but...I find it best to write stories while horny so I have to make a choice; write for others or pleasure yourself. After I masterbate the drive is gone and before I just want to fucking masterbate, I don't want to basically give myself blue balls to write something. I know, it sounds really selfish but you'd probably make the same choice in my position. Happy Holidays everyone...hope you all truly have the best holiday possible! Sep 27, 2009 - Horray, hurrah...two years here on ASSTR...what a joy. Hopefully you can detect the sarcasm but, if not, that was sarcasm. Just wanted to say that I'm on 'break' for a while...school's a bitch and life sucks...you know, you've heard it all before. Bunch of false starts on stories and then no desire to ever touch them again leaving several unfinished stories that may now never be finished. I figure a halt is in order before more damage is done to what were good ideas from me and from others. Anyways, take care. Aug 17, 2009 - Alas! I keep my promises.
Aug 16, 2009 - Been on vacation but I made sure to spend some time writing and I did. Tomorrow I will drop, not 1, not 3, not even 5, but 6 stories on you that were written while on vacation; some requests, some not...all good stuff, or at least that is what I hope you all find of them. Why the delay? Really fucking tired. Tomorrow is going to be a glorious day indeed though so look out for it. Jul 24, 2009 - A request came in that spoke to me in such a way that I had to do it and I did. I 'forwent' sleep, even on this, the day before I leave to drive to another state for a little vacation. I hope the requester appreciates that...but more than that, I just hope he is happy with the result because I for one really think it's great. I haven't updated the Requests page yet but here is the story which I call Mother! Check it out and enjoy! Jul 21, 2009 - An idea arose in my mind while on a set recently and I turned it into We're Fucked Up at the Start . When I imagined this story it did not include fetish material so if the fetish material feels like an afterthought or a mere add on...it pretty much was. The story is short and maybe lacks...something but, unlike Dopesmoker , it was not a full idea when it was imagined...it just sort of ended in my mind so I had to 'fake it' through the rest. Jul 19, 2009 - I have a new policy on requests: I will not accept requests with vauge ideas as the 'request.' I've included an example of each below. If you include some plot details or something more I will be much more open to the idea. I'm not trying to be a hard ass about this but it takes a lot into account about what I have and have not played, seen, or whatever and also it's not a request, your providing me with a premise and nothing more. I'm not a big gamer so video game requests are not the greatest for me but I'll be happy to try if I know the game.
The good request, while vauge to maintain the surprise for when the story is finally written, is detailed, the requester knows what he would like to see and has some detail about where the story should go. The bad request asks merely for me to do a story on a video game I may not have played and nothing more. Even if I hadn't ever seen Danny Phantom, the good requester gave enough detail that I could Wikipedia some of the details and go from there. The bad request would require countless hours of research on the game had I never played it and then more time to realize a plot arch to go with which would be especially hard if, again, I had not played the game. I don't meant to offend anyone by what is said here, just making my new policy clear. There is one exception but even it should not be an exception but I'll let it go: You are free to request a sequel to a story with no detail, however, admittedly I'm a lot more likely to do it if I have some details. For example:
There is nothing wrong with this request per se but I sat down and thought about and I determined that I could not develop a full story on what happened to Greg or anything else that could have happened to anyone else (as like new characters) so I abandoned the idea. Sometimes I can develop an idea like this further, sometimes I can't, it's just taken on a story by story basis. If you have any doubts, feel free to send the request; I won't be angered by it, perhaps we can develop the story more together over email. Thanks. Jul 18, 2009 - Hammered out a story today. It's a story I've been mulling over in my head for a while, managed to sit down and write it in a few hours. I call it Dopesmoker , a short story about a guy who tries weed and the next day repays the girl who provided it. Sounds a little dry and boring but read it for yourself and decide, you may be surprised. I like it, especially since it's my first story in a decent while. As far as requests go, I'm just kind of going with the story that I feel like writing at the moment so if that's someone's request...great but just know that I am no longer giving precendent to requests. Jul 15, 2009 - Finally got my FTP program back so updates are again possible...now if only I had something to update at current. I'm working on it but as of yet...I have nothing to report. Take care. Jan 20, 2009 - Hey all. You're probably wondering what I'm doing with an update...well, I guess I figured, I cried, I whined, I yelled, I screamed, I insulted and it was just time to get back to work. I don't know what inspired me to write Simply Ponyin' Around, it was a request and I felt compelled to do it. Only took a few hours or so and I gotta tell you I'm pretty happy with it. Don't ask me how it got 'shitty' towards the end there but it did...and she even said she wouldn't do that to him, what a liar! Anyways, I hope you like it and I hope you guys are still around. I miss everyone. Additionally, I have been going around, taking a metaphorical hacksaw to a lot of my story ideas and requests so I apologise if some of your ideas get slashed, it's nothing personal...I'm just going with what I can handle right now and having a lot of these more major projects hanging aroud puts a strain on my thinking. All the requests were good, I would not have taken them if they were not but I'm just barely getting back to operating here so cut me a little slack if you can...I needed to clean house a bit and that's what I'm doing. Jan 08, 2009 - I just wanted to make, what I presume, would be my last update. At this point I 've just kind of given up hope; I hate everyone that I used to be close to so I ignored them (my friends) for a while and they eventually gave up on me. I couldn 't hang out with them anymore, they were trying to be supportive but my loathing for them just continued to grow and grow and I couldn 't stand them anymore. So now where am I? Alone each day and night, at home with my mom as if I needed more to complete my loser image. I don 't know what to do; go hang out at bars wearing a sign around my neck that reads "Looking for Friends and/or a Girlfriend?" Should I just hang out at my college campus staring out into the grassy abyss hoping someone thinks "Hey, that guy looks interesting; I 'd like to talk to him?" No, apparently I 'm supposed to be alone. My friends mistreated me but they were probably all I deserved and now I 've gotten rid of them so what I deserve is to be alone. God I hope my situation changes, I 'm sick of everything being my fault...everyone makes it my fault. I 'm not doing enough; I don 't have social skills, etc., etc. Why can 't it be others? Other people on the whole, I find, are not looking to have people join their friend groups or whatever. I talked to a girl last semester and she declined my lunch invitation but I still sat with her everyday in class (to what seemed like her pleasure) but she didn 't say hey let 's do something over the break or something. People in school settings go to school just to go to school I find, maybe there are some exceptions to that but it seems like no one is really there to make a new connection, be it friend of otherwise. So what am I supposed to do a guy looking for friends or a girl to love me? People just say "Oh it takes time, things that are worth it take time" but did you notice that the people who say this have people with them? They just say that shit to make us feel better about our loserness. The bottom line is that people who have what they want really don 't give a shit about you not having what you want, they really don 't and yet they DO expect you to be happy for them. My friends are terrible listeners; they don 't want to help me with my problems they just want to take my mind off of them. Well that 's just great, two hours of fun, ten hours of depression, just beautiful, thanks. All my past therapists thought I had lacking social skills, they thought I was a wallflower when in reality I talk to people, girls and guys. I may not be extremely talkative but I don 't sit there or hide, I talk. But I guess I don 't get noticed well enough, I guess that 's why Emily passed me over for the loud obnoxious asshole when she could have quiet(er) kind and sweet guy, the guy who would have given her everything she deserved so she wouldn 't have to fake illness to get the asshole 's attention while he 's busy pointing out the hotness of other girls ' asses right in front of her. I 'm a good person but no one seems to care. When I heard that from my therapist, however, I just couldn 't take it and I wound up leaving him as well...I don 't want to hear that the 'bad boys ' are the ones to 'win ' at this age, I 'm the better person...I should win too! This isn 't about taking what they have; it 's about me getting something beautiful and great of my own. Yeah, they are assholes, yeah they don 't deserve the good things but they got them and they could keep them for all I care but I 'd like the good things too. I never wanted anything for years and I was still an extremely great person but when I went to cash in my credits I found they were worthless, no one cared. God I hope this changes and soon, I don 't wanna wait for my life to be over (sorry for the song quote, came to my mind as I typed). Okay fine, I have to wait a little but what if I have to wait sixty years? It could happen couldn 't it? Maybe that 's where my happiness is, sixty years in the future. I appreciate all the emails I have gotten over the past couple of months but, and I will speak bluntly here, a lot of them just wound up making me angry. No one ever says exactly what I wanted to hear and it just pisses me off. I know it 's the depression making it hard to hear anything but hearing things like I will meet some tomboyish girl sometime soon just pisses me off. I don 't want a tomboyish girl, I want a beautiful girl...I 'm not that picky but I do like a girl to be at least somewhat girly. Some people say I need an aggressive girl but I really don 't want an aggressive girl, I want a shyish, quiet girl. I want her to need me, I need to be needed; I don 't want someone so independent that they view a boyfriend as fun but not entirely necessary. Who are you people to tell me I have a bad attitude? You don't know me! I just know I 'm going to end up with someone fat and ugly or someone who is totally loveless and doesn 't like any of the romantic stuff that I fantasize about. I am going to end up like my race (half race) of people when all I want is some true American relationship. I go to family parties and I see people look totally miserable and they don 't look like they love each other at all, they look like they barely tolerate each other. I want to be the couple that is making out in the back somewhere because they are bored out of their mind or they are just so lustfully in love. Maybe that 's a fantasy, maybe that doesn 't exist in the real world. I 've never had anything romantic so now as I get older and it seems like people get less romantic to each other I 'm concerned that I will never get a French kiss or get to cuddle or what have you. Will the girl understand that I 'm 22 (23 later this year) and I 've never had sex and I may need some help? Will she just leave on me if I 'm bad at it or she 's not willing to teach? These are the questions that haunt me, I get older and I know less and less of what I should probably know. Fuck I probably don 't even masturbate correctly but when I tried the 'standard ' way I just couldn 't cum. Does that mean I won 't be able to perform inside a woman? Will she accept that if I can 't at first or maybe never can? Oh God, my life is ruined...I failed it already, the rest is just going through the motions in a nearly catatonic state as you find you can have none of the pleasures or the good things in life. Online dating, that 's just a bunch of crap I found; probably because of me, my ugliness. I 'm no catch for any woman. Nov 15, 2008 - I just had a thought. Everyone must be stupid because how could they let a guy who knows next to nothing about life be a writer everyone clings too? You all apparently adore my writing but why? What do I know? Have I ever been face farted? No! Have I ever been face sat? No! Have I fucking had sex? No! Have I had a fucking hand job even? Once, by a hooker in Vegas (it sucked by the way and cost way too much, I got much more enjoyment out of lap dances at strip clubs). What are you people thinking? What the fuck do I know about this bullshit? Nothing! I know we voted a guy with little experience to presidential office but come on! I could write a story totally incoherently and people would still probably eat it up because who else is out there writing right now? No one! Just me, all alone, by myself as usual getting sucked dry by fans who want more and more. And who's gonna give me more, huh? You think writing is just it's own sexual release for me...I don't need a story every ten seconds to jack off to? I'm sorry, I'm just pissed right now...I wanted to jerk off but I started thinking about the truth of some of the stories and wondering if that author ever experience any of that and while the answer (in relation to the stories specifically) is probably no...it's probably true that they did experience something sometime, unlike me who's stuck shelling out $500 for a half-assed hand job to which I couldn't even 'perform' at the end of. Suicide has become a constant theme in my head, I play it constantly. I know where I would buy the gun, I know how I'd pay for it, I'd film the whole thing for posteriority along with my suicide note where I would apologize to those who loved me but inform them that I just couldn't do it anymore, that my mind is too active to just continue living in this shitty existence because with the shitty existence comes shitty thoughts about the future. I'd lock the door so my little sister couldn't get in and harm herself with the gun and so my family would not have to look at me, a gaping hole in the side of my head, blood splatter on the walls where a picture of me and my sister hangs. The dog would be scratching at the door, begging to get in to make sure I'm alright but I'm not alright and she knows that, she's not stupid. There I would lay, lifeless until the police came and the corner took me away. The funeral would be a few weeks later, my friends would be there, my family, some school classmates maybe/doubtfully. They're all so sad, tears well up in their eyes but they hold the ones they love close for comfort, wishing one last good bye to me. Nov 14, 2008 - I wrote a new story! Like it? Great! Don't? Tough. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fetish, it's more about me, sharing some personal information about me and my thoughts on stuff in story form. I don't care if you like it or not, I didn't write it so you could whip out your junk and play with yourself...I wrote it for me, to get some personal relief from what has been a horrible couple of months and still continues to be horrible. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as rude and brash but honestly, I don't give a shit anymore... Sep 24, 2008 - For god sakes; please somebody love me. I know I take familial love for granted but I want what I want but I can't get it, not now, not ever. I'm tortured everyday I go out (and even on days I stay in) with images of love; beautiful people in love not this freak that I am...this freak of nature, this mutation that the world looks upon in disgust. I'm disgusting, a pig, a grotesque alien not fit to live on this Earth among beautiful people... Sep 22, 2008 - It's interesting that 'Family First' was picked; I have to wonder if people are misinformed about its content based on the title. Don't get me wrong, I actually wanted 'Family First' to win (or tie for the lead as it did) but I doubted people would vote it into the lead. With that, I will begin on it and see how that goes. Now you guys have some idea of how many personal story ideas I had waiting while working on requests; not complaining since it was me who made the decision to take requests and give them priority, just saying it was a lot of stories. As far as me, I'm okay right now, later, probably wont be, it's just an hour by hour thing that waxes and wanes. Sep 1, 2008 - It just feels like no one is listening to me and I desperately need to talk. My friends won't hear it, my teachers...that's just not appropriate, I only see my therapist twice a week (consecutive days), and my mom just constantly tries to reassure me but I can't accept that...how could she know? I'm convinced I'm a failure, an ugly, disgusting piece of trash that should destroy himself as soon as possible. I'm angry, I'm a neat and organized person but I've trashed my room twice in fits of rage. I've cried more than I have in my whole life. And in between all the negativity and all the self-hatred, I have beautiful visions of the future but I quickly quash them as sensationalized and unlikely/impossible to happen. I had a vision of a girl sitting on my lap as I was in front of my computer and I gently told her I had work to do so she got up and took a seat on my bed nearby. She said if we couldn't do anything fun then she wanted to do something fun for me. She wanted to perform oral sex on me but I told her I didn't want to subject her to that...that I found it demeaning and crude. She asked if I would perform on her as she laid down near my chair. I got up and laid down on my stomach, placing my head in her crotch. She pulled down her underwear in front and I began to go to work, allowing my hands to slowly rise up through her panties in back and rub her perfect ass. She was gentle yet forceful, making sure I did it right until she came. I loved her. Yeah, I know, I should probably go back to writing and maybe I will but right now I just can't...not while I feel worthless and unimportant. Yeah, you guys like me as a writer and that's wonderful but, unfortunately and with no offense I say this, that just isn't enough. Hell, my own families feelings aren't enough...this thing has become more important to me than anything else and I am unaware how to make it otherwise. The days feel like years, they take so very long to pass. It's been a week of school and it feels like a decade. People have suggested that I should enter a psychiatric hospital ...I am not happy about that suggestion but I will consider it if an authority recommends it. I feel like I wanna kill the entire world...kill them for being happy...kill them for doing wrong and getting all the reward as I do right and get none. I did jury duty, I always do and my friend with a girlfriend blew it off completely unpunished and what do I get? Wasted time and nothing more. I waited to get arrested for 3 hours unguarded because I did the crime and I had to pay for it and what did I get? 72 hours of community service and nothing more. The world does whatever the fuck they want to be happy and I do what's right and what do I get? Jack shit! The world doesn't give a shit about me, no one gives a shit about me...but the world will never right it's wrongs so I must take myself out of the world ......maybe that's what I'll do. Aug 27, 2008 - An odd day. School for me started Monday and with it I hope comes the constant distraction I guess I require to avoid 'over thinking' things. School, I hope, also provides a channel for prospective prospects but so far it's just been a source of more negative thoughts. Which brings me to this thought that just sneaked into my mind: I hope my ranting has not caused some of you to lose respect for me just a person. There's nothing there that says people have but it's a concern, I guess, of an 'overactive' mind. I just feel so hopeless; I mean for god sakes I've been in therapy for 8 months now and I feel completely the same and/or getting worse. Meds seem to just pass right through me with no real effect and a big change in my life is, most likely, not right around the corner. It's just so hard when groups meld together and you're the one that gets left out. When a group of 4 guys and 3 girls (there is a forth but she has pulled away from the group) come together and you're the odd man out, how the fuck are you supposed to feel? When you are sitting there the same as everyone else and you're not chosen to 'play,' yeah, I think it's going to be assumed you feel like crap. Fuck the kid that is picked last, it's worse to be the kid that isn't picked at all. I mean, the implications of that are there...you're not picked because you are the 'ugly' one of the group (or just 'ugly' in general), you're not picked because you are the boring one, you're not picked because you're the weird one, you're not picked because no one likes you! Any of those, all of those, it's what runs through my mind every idle moment I have and while, yeah, I could stop the idle moments, who the hell wants to be moderately to intensely busy (mild busyness is easy to 'fall away' from) every second? Yeah, maybe things will be better, maybe it makes sense that everyone that wants to finds someone that they love and they love them, and maybe not. Who's to say 'it all works out?' What about the very good likelihood that it does not work out? I don't know everything but I'd like to think that I know me but maybe I don't even know that. I've been told I'm deluding myself, building up people who are actually worse than me (in all aspects), and the like. Maybe it's true but, right now, I can't admit that; it doesn't make sense to me. I hope it changes but I don't have a lot of hope that it will but, I digress. I wanted to write this blurb because I felt some semblance of contentment this evening and even brainstormed a new story idea. If I write it or not, that's still up in the air. Again, I just hope I'm not seen as just some whiny ass worrier but if I am, I'm sorry for bringing that 'on-stage.' Aug 21, 2008 - Before I write anything let me first say that what I am writing is not meant to offend anyone. We were all in this fetish together but it is only I who is having doubts, concerns, hatred of myself for enjoying it. I have always been one for live and let live and I still go with that policy today; I am very accepting of scat fetishists despite it not being my taste, being 'tricked' into watching some guy fart on YouTube when I expected a girl never disgusted me to the point of rage...yes it's not what I wanted to see but so what, my mistake, their deception, whatever, I always moved on and was fine with that. Now, however, I am disgusted and angry with someone and that someone is myself. I never chose this fetish because if I had I'm pretty sure I would have turned it down but I'm angry because I can't leave. This fetish still holds the key to my arousal like nothing else and I hate it! I loathe it! I want it gone, I hate the mention of it by my psychologist, I just want it to go away. And yet...I don't, I still visit this site and that site and the other site but I don't want to...not anymore. But that brings up an interesting point, what sexual release do I have without this fetish and from what I have seen the answer is none. The images, the stories, the videos, they still arouse me and nothing else does but I hate it...I hate myself. I don't want to write about this stuff anymore but I feel compelled to, I don't want to like this stuff anymore but it's like I don't have a choice. Regular porn? It's not arousing to me in the least. Watching HJs, BJs, or just full on sex it means nothing to me but I feel like it should, it has to (additionally watching women performing BJs makes me want to throw up, I have a high gag reflex). What am I gonna do if I get a girlfriend and she wants sex or something like that? Explain to her I can't get aroused to 'normal' things like 'normal' people? Like that's gonna happen anyways, no one would want to go out with me, save one obsessive, unattractive girl who I was set up with once. I had a vision today, a day dream perhaps of a me being in a girls room and beginning to go down on her, I imagined reaching her privates and tasting and immediately pulling away claiming it had a bitter taste. She apologized, I comforted her and just said not to worry, this was just new to me. She used her fingers to separate her vagina and I began to go to work only to be stopped by her father that bust open the door, screaming at me. I ran out the front door and to my car, a slight smile crossed my face before I started the car and raced out of there. Obviously I have a overactive and vivid imagination, perhaps why you all praise me as a writer and why I wish to pursue a career in film production. As I wrote those words, or imagined the images the first time, I felt a tingle in my own genitalia but I wasn't aroused. Pictures of a vagina (or a penis for that matter) they don't do anything for me, they don't arouse me and even in some ways disgust me. It's odd, I'm obviously not normal but I want to be, for God sakes I just want to be normal. Pictures of asses are wholly the same, they are just kind of there, not doing anything for me. I guess, what this post is really about is getting help; this may be the worst place to ask but I need help...I need out of this fetish world so I can be who I want to be. This fetish may be who I am but I don't want it to be...not anymore, this isn't like kindness, clothing, or something else people change to fit in, I find this fetish to be equivalent to something like smoking and it's about fucking time that I quit but I don't know how. If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it. Thanks, CF Aug 02, 2008 - First, let me just apologize to everyone. I've been reading your emails and checking my inbox everyday but I've responded to not one person since last weekend (July 27th). The good feelings of whenever the fuck that was went away faster than I could even start to enjoy them. I'm just sick of my life meaning nothing, I feel like other people's lives are so rich and so full and what am I; I guess shallow and materialistic. Now I hate material things and want to get rid of a lot of the useless shit I bought over the years white trying fill my life with things rather than people. Now that I want people I just feel like they're not there for me. I know you guys care, you guys have made it abundantly clear you care (Ulterior motive for caring? Maybe. Sorry, just being realistic...not to say everyone is caring because they want something but I think it might be naive to say no one is or maybe I'm just being an asshole; assuming the worst of the world). I have friends but they tend to avoid the heavy stuff, mask it with 'fun.' Maybe that's for the best; I don't tend to think so...that doesn't solve anything, it just gives you a minor distraction for a couple of hours. I just tend to think of myself as udder shit you know; ugly, useless, fat, socially stupid, and any other bad adjectives...just throw them here and I'll find someway to attribute them to me. Fuck, despite the people who praise my stories I still think I'm a shitty writer. I guess that doesn't give you guys much credit but believe me your feelings are not my prime concern right now. That said, I don't mean to be an asshole to any of you or imply anything negative, you guys have been the best bunch of people I have ever run into on the Internet and certainly the best among the fetish community which has a tendency to grow some real jerks it seems. The problem here is me, it always has been me, and it always will be me. For whatever reason, I seem to loathe myself from mind to body and face; I don't like anything I see and I'm assured (by my own mind) that no one else will either. I guess I think getting a girlfriend will make my life have meaning, it will be worth something, it will be validated finally but maybe that's not the case; maybe I'm wrong and my life should have meaning before, and hell even after, a girl has been in my life. I just feel like I've already failed, I'm nearly 22 fucking years old (practically in the grave according to my negative thinking) and I haven't had a girl say, at the very fucking least, to me "Hey, you're cute." Why not? Well if I listen to myself now it's because I'm so repulsive; a more logical response might have been my mind set, I could not have cared less about ever having someone in my life less than a few months ago ...I considered it 'a waste of time' (I valued my free time in those days, no matter how dull). Now it's more important than anything else it seems or it feels like. God, maybe I'm just a whinny little bitch ...crying because it's time to man up and face a world were things aren't bought but 'attracted.' Over simplified sentiment admittedly but, it's the best I had at the time. I think I'm just afraid, not feeling confident in my abilities and having no venue, thus far, to 'test' those abilities. Seeing ALL my friends with girlfriends does not help the situation especially as the girls start to hang out with us more and more, I become the third wheel, the fifth wheel, or the seventh wheel. No one ever says that and I'm always invited but what's that, probably pity ...maybe I don't give them enough credit. But whatever, I could go on and on and I'm sure I went deeper than I probably should have and probably deeper than any of you wanted me to but there it is...out there in black and yellow. On to more relevant things, I would assume it goes without saying after that long, personal rant that I just have not been in the mood to write at current. I can't tell you when I'll get back to writing, I can't tell you when any story is going to be finished. All I will say is 'don't wait up' because this may be the end of my time...no I'm not suicidal (but I sure do like to talk about it for me) but I don't know if I will ever be up for writing anytime soon or even ever again. It's difficult to write about love, let alone watch movies, tv shows, etc. that feature it so predominantly, when that's all you want. It's hard to write about femdom when all you think about is a happy, equal relationship. Fuck that, that's total bullshit, melodramatic shit I'm spewing but regardless of the idiocy of what I've said I don't expect to be writing anytime soon. I cannot blame you if you choose to give up on me as a writer, I hope you find what you are looking for and more from someone else because it's what you guys deserve, it's what we all deserve. If you choose to hang around, or check in from time to time, then I thank you for your dedication to a writer who feels he is mediocre, at best. You all deserve better than me, I've let you all down I'm sure but my first priority has to be myself or else I'll just lose it...hell, I probably already have. I've spent my entire life always trying to please others and I'm not going to stop (it's too important to me) but I need some for myself too. I need to keep some 'esteem' and turn it into 'self-esteem.' I need to go get my 'confidence' and turn it into 'self-confidence.' How? That's a good fucking question, I have no clue...but hopefully I can find out with therapy and as life goes on. Thank you, my fans, my friends; you all are both. July 04, 2008 - Just a quick update, stories are going slow but steadily. Wolfman Sid's newest tale is up in the Featured Writers section; it's a great story and I recommend it highly. Other than that, did some housecleaning around here...per the poll results I have gotten rid of all the HTML and TEXT versions of my stories just for simplicities sake. If anyone is really up in arms about it let me know and I'll consider their position/argument; we'll see what happens. Additionally, got a new request called The Gass Chamber which I am very excited to start on when the time comes. Just want to say, Happy 4th of July for those who it matters to and maybe even if it doesn't. Oh and Happy Anniversy to me? Apparently I've been at ASSTR for a year as of June 23rd according to my very first news post. June 05, 2008 - I have finished Skunked; I have mixed feelings about it but I think overall it came out pretty good if the intention was to make it a little cheesy and I'd like to think it was. I hope the requester enjoys it as well as everyone else. With that under the belt, I will be starting Join the Gass Gang, however, since I know that story will be lengthy, I will also begin Power Shift and post that when it's finished. I'll update where I am on Join the Gass Gang and other requests at that time. May 24, 2008 - Alright, because I need a distraction these days I have pounded out the next request, Gases, relatively quickly but with the same attention to quality as usual (I believe). A note on the story, I used some harsh language that I don't normally use towards female characters, however, I felt it necessary, while I was writing about the male character, that he have such a negative view towards them. I apologize if this offends anyone in any way. Additionally, but hopefully not necessarily needed to be stated, I do not share the views of the character I created in Gases. On a similar but different note, I hope the requester is pleased with the work and I hope you guys all enjoy it as well. With that one under the belt, I can begin work on Skunked! and I will as soon as possible. May 22, 2008 - Reports from fans have seemingly been less than thrilled with The Little Guy Part 5. The ending was apparently disliked the most and for that I apologize. I have been requested, however, to write another sequel and that is what I will do. This next part will continue where part 5 left off and I hope will be more to the liking of everyone. Before that, however, I have another request which I have titled Tender Loving Care. I will get to these as soon as I can. On another note, I have halted work on The Contender as I found it to be lackluster while I was writing it. I will revisit it sometime and give it a lot of thought but for now it is being passed over. I apologize to the requester. May 18, 2008 - I finally worked through and finished The Little Guy Part 5. Most of it was finished before this little 'funk' I've fallen into, I just need to wrap it up. I apologize if it seems a little quick ended because...well it was. I just wanted to get past it and go to the next thing. It wasn't a bad request, the problem is when I have a request I'm stuck on I just am totally immobile and I stop working. Am I suddenly going to feel great now and be back to my old self? No, there is more at work here than writers block but I will try to keep writing as best as I can. May 16, 2008 - I wanna thank again everyone who contacted me over the past month to try and help or just inquire, it's nice to know people care; I always knew I had great fans, this is just proof of it. I don't know when I'll get back to writing but for right now it's not looking to be soon. I'm sorry if that's disappointing but I think it's better I take this time instead of writing bad stories just because I feel like I must keep on keeping on. I'll still be updating stories from the guest writers as they come in and this site isn't going anywhere, ever, at least as far as I'm concerned (if ASSTR does something then that is something I cannot control). If you need to or would like to contact me regarding just about anything, I'm fully available on email just drop me a line and I'll get back to you. I wish you all a very happy weekend. Apr 15, 2008 - Oh boy...where to start...um...I don't know, I just kind of hit a major depression in the past few weeks and it really dragged me down. I don't know what it is exactly but I'm trying to work through it. My writing speed has slowed significantly so I won't be cranking out any stories with any great speed. I just want to get past this...That said, don't worry about me...I'm not suicidal I just really have been taken to a place I guess I have been blocking for years and it's painful but apparently necessary if I am ever to be 'mentally healthy.' I'll still be available by email, feel free to drop me a line if you'd like. I hope this heavy depression is short lived... Mar 21, 2008 - I have been working relatively steadily on The Little Guy: Part 5 but it's still gonna take a little time to finish. I wanted to update everyone because I received another great story from a writer and it's now featured in the Guest Writers section. Definitely check it out! Mar 04, 2008 - Before I went ahead with The Little Guy: Part 5 I decided to go back and finish Love at First Sniff. Personally, I think it came out pretty good and I hope the requester is just as happy, if not happier, with it. With that story under the belt, I will go on and began work with The Little Guy: Part 5, hopefully finishing it by the end of the month. Feb 26, 2008 - Man, so much has happened since the last update. I have completed the story request, Aunt Nora. I hope it is to the requester's satisfaction as well as everyone else's as well. Also, I'd like to give credit to '1313Jr.1313' who offered to proofread stories for me before I publish them with mistakes, so thank you '1313Jr.1313.' Additionally, I have also changed the format of the Featured Writers section. It is set up now so all stories are now available all the time. I think this will be better for everyone instead of a system that is like an "Author of the Month" thing. In the updated Featured Writers section we have two new stories, Smells Like Love: Part 1 by Rune and Sleep Over by 1313Jr.1313. They are both really good so check 'em out! On my work, I'm going to be starting work on The Little Guy: Part 5 soon and hopefully will finish that up before too long. Feb 10, 2008 - I started work on Love at First Sniff a few days ago but I hit a snag so I moved on for a bit. In the meantime, I have finished Sister in Law II: The Seven Hour Itch. I think it's pretty good and I hope the requester agrees. This seems to be a story series people like and the more I write for it and think about it the more I get to enjoying it as well so I may do a sequel to this one later on. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and I'm off to start another story request, Aunt Nora. That will be the last of the consensual fart relationships for now. I'm always open to more but I always prefer the more nonconsensual side of things but feel free, whatever you would like to request, don't feel forced to go my way. Feb 02, 2008 - I hammered out another request today, The Ooomph Girl. It's very short and the fetish content is light but I still think it is a good little story about a famous movie scene. I will be starting Love at First Sniff soon, a story which will feature fetishists who enjoy farts for those who enjoy the non-torture, consensual type fart stories. In fact, the next three, including Love, will be that type so if you like that, you are in for a rare treat. I don't tend to write that kind of story, however, I will attempt to do my best. Sister in Law, the first consensual fart story I wrote, also as a request, is apparently well liked so I hope I can draw from that experience and produce stories my fans can enjoy. In addition, if you liked that story, a request has been put in for a sequel so that will be coming soon as well. Feb 01, 2008 - Alright, after countless hours of work I have finished the request, Phi Alpha Rho Tau. It ended up being 43 pages total, making it my longest story thus far and I'd like to keep it that way. I think I may have over did the story a bit but, I hope everyone, especially the requester, enjoys it regardless. Other than that, I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out. With that one filed away, I am starting the next story soon, The Ooomph Girl which is simply about the skirt-blowing up scene in The Seven Year Itch film. Hopefully, I can have that hammered out soon. Jan 21, 2008 - Let's get right down to business, I have made huge headway on what will be my longest story yet, the requested Phi Alpha Rho Tau story. It's already standing at twenty pages and I still got a few more events to cover so I'm guessing this will be about thirty pages when it's done. I do like how it's coming together, however, after that many pages it is starting to get difficult to keep the farting fresh (pun intended). I will do my best but I just wanted to mention that in advance, that the story may get a little repetitive at times. Also, I have received another request that I'm really excited about. A fan had requested I write part 5 to the intriguing tale of Walter in The Little Guy. The Little Guy, as noted, was originally written by "No Name" up to part 3 at which point I continued what the author had left undone, hopefully to his liking. Anyway, so part 5 of that will be in the works...uh..sometime in the future. Speaking of original authors, the original author and mind behind the story Overtime contacted me, so I wanted to make sure I gave proper credit to "Rune" for thinking of such a wonderful story idea. I have noted him being the mind behind the story on the story's page. The author has also expressed interest in posting in the Featured Guest Writer section so stay tuned for that possibility. Jan 12, 2008 - Uh...Happy New Year...HORRAY! Okay, yeah, I'm late...but hey, better late then never right? Maybe not. Nah but, seriously I hope everyone is having a good one, I have been and part of that includes writing. I have finished a story called Overtime. I think it's pretty good and I hope you all do too. As much as I'd like to, however, I can't take full credit for the story. The beginning of it was written by another writer, I'm sorry that I can't recall his name right now, at Lizzy's forum. He was working on finishing it but the forum closed a few months later and the story went unfinished and to my knowledge remains so. Anyway, I took what he had written (which was up the point in which the characters leave the store where they work), re-wrote it in a bit of my own style based and finished the story. Anyway, I'd like to thank him for this idea, and I really am upset that I cannot recall who it was. If you know who it was or you were the original author, please let me know so I can at least mention him/you here. With a story finished, I've thought about it and I think I'll go back to requests again until they are exhausted. I have three mentioned here and another two I got that I haven't added to the list yet. It's quite a few and I know people are waiting so I think I'll work on those until they are all done before I go back to my ideas. If you have a request, please feel free to contact me. Try to be as detailed as you can so I can work to deliver the story that is the closest to your vision. I guess that's it. Happy New Year once again, I hope this year is a great one for everyone. Dec 25, 2007 - I don't know if the story is on-time for Christmas where you are but for me, my new Christmas short story is right on time, clocking in at almost 4:00 a.m. Christmas morning. I hope you like this little short tale I wrote in between the story I'm working on. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, Happy Holidays to those who don't, and for the rest of us...Happy Festivus. Dec 16, 2007 - In my few years of writing fetish stories, I have always had a multitude of ideas but unfortunately about 80 percent of those ideas name came into fruition. Why? Because I was so focused on writing long stories that I just decided to "throw out" the ideas that could probably only be developed into short stories. Well that's coming to an end, I will start writing these some of these short stories because many times the idea are really good but they just don't go that far, they just sort of lead to one major fart session and that's about it. Any ways, I thought I'd share this with you and tell you that if you see a story like this: "Story Title (Short)," know that it is a shorter story having probably only one fart situation but as a result may be better because it's not being forcibly stretched to be long. Other than that, I'm still working on my latest story and with any luck, it will be done soon. Dec 12, 2007 - I have worked a little on my next story, however, there is still quite a bit to write for it. The plot premise, for those interested, is a realistic giantess situation. More on that when it is finished which should be shortly after the 25th. I appreciate all the responses in my poll, I'm glad to hear almost, if not all, of my stories are appreciated by at least one person each. I hope I can continue to appease the masses. Happy Holidays everyone! Nov 28, 2007 - I wanted to update what's going on currently. For a brief, few month period, I will be taking a break from writing for requests. I intend and will, barring anything unforeseen, return to complete the old and new requests I have remaining which include: ΦΑΡΤ (Phi Alpha Rho Tau), The Oomph Girl (it is still under consideration), and Love at First Sniff. For information on those stories you can visit the Requests page where their plots have been briefly outlined or noted. The reason I am breaking from the requests is so that I can clear some of my ever increasing queue of ideas that has been backing up for a few months now. Again, I will return and finish those stories and any other requests if people chose to email me with them. I apologize if this disappoints anyone greatly. Knowing me, I'll probably just come back to working on the requests sooner rather than later but as of right now, I will be doing at least one personal story if not more. If anyone has any major objections to this, let me know as I do care greatly about what my readers think. Speaking of which, I appreciate the comments and poll responses I have received. The results have been kind of a mixed bag but nothing terribly disappointing. I'm happy if the readers are happy so if you are especially not happy, let me know via email. I can't promise a change but I will always consider your thoughts. A few people have already done this and I do truly appreciate theirs' and everyone's input. And if you are happy, feel free to let me know about that as well, it's always nice to received praise. Thank you to everyone for your support and I hope I can continue to please you all as time goes on. Nov 26, 2007 - I have completed Just Horsin' Around. I am not in love with it, not that I think it is bad, I just found it really difficult to follow up The Cost of Forgiveness. I need to step up my game no doubt and I will try as I go back to writing some of my own ideas for a short while before finishing up the final request I have right now and one I am considering at the moment. I am always open to more of course so if you have a great idea feel free to email me and I'll see if I can make it happen. Nov 22, 2007 - I have finally finished my requested story, The Cost of Forgiveness, and personally, I have high opinions of it and I hope you all enjoy it. It's definitely a long one. With the completion of that request, I will be going to a request I got a couple of months ago called Just Horsin' Around and after that I may finish up my current requests with a sorority story that was requested or I may go back and do some of my own stories and return to the sorority story at a slightly later date. I'll figure out what I want to do as I get closer to that time. Any ways, I hope you all enjoy my newest requested tale. Nov 21, 2007 - Okay, I felt accomplished so I figured I do another update. I knocked out a big portion of The Cost of Forgiveness, it's gonna be a long one, hopefully a good long one though and not a monotonous one...that remains to be seen. I think it's pretty good but the opinion of the readers and the requester especially is much more important, I hope it lives up to the "hype." But enough of that, I just wanted to add that with another nice chunk of time off, like the holiday coming up and I should be finished so stay tuned. Nov 11, 2007 - Just thought I'd give an update. I am still working on the requests as I continue to build ideas for my own work as well so there should be no drought of good ideas for a while ...I hope. I still want to get these requests done before the new year but I may only finish one before then but we'll see. I want to thank everyone for participating in the poll I have been posting. Some of them are just for fun but some I will look into to decide which of my own story ideas I will do next and whatnot. Oct 21, 2007 - I had an idea for a Halloween story so I put my requests aside and hammered it out. It's called The Haunted House. I'm sorry it's a little slow, when I got to do a lot of characterization or explanation I tend to get caught in that trap but I think overall it's pretty good. Not all that "Halloween-ey," when compared to last year's story entitled Happy Halloween but whatever. And if you are wondering, yes, I am picking up my requests again and hope to have the remaining ones done soon. If you have a request, don't hesitate to contact me. Sept 26, 2007 - Okay, I have finally finished my first new request (of four) entitled, A Smelly Situation. I hope it is well received by the readers, especially the reader that requested it. It's way behind on my highly tentative timeline but hey, that's why it's tentative. Any ways, now I move on to my next request, The Cost of Forgiveness. This one shouldn't take too long as I have a lot of it in my head but issues always arise so we'll see. I'm hoping and I believe the remaining three requests will be finished by the end of the year, that is most likely worst case scenario though. Sept 16, 2007 - Per a genius suggestion from a site fan I have added story descriptions to the "Stories" page to help people find a story they want a read a little more easily. The descriptions aren't great because I still tried to remain cryptic so as to not give away main plot points (although my plot "questions" may be giving too much away already but whatever). Any ways, thanks for that suggestion, it was a good one. This weekend has been kind of hectic so I haven't been able to do any writing but I will finish all my current requests soon ...I hope. Sept 03, 2007 - I've lost another weekend without making any real headway on my stories but fear not, I think I've got my initiative back and hope to keep plugging away until the work is done. I got a new request today for a story regarding a secret sorority. I've titled the future story ΦAPT (or Phi Alpha Rho Tau when you pronounce it). You may think this is just an arbitrary association of letters, however, according to my "extensive research" these Greek letters should spell out a very relevant word. In any case, this is the fourth story in my Requests queue and I should get to it by the start of October, perhaps sooner. It all really depends on when I finish the other three requests ahead of it. Aug 26, 2007 - I'm running a little behind, preparing for the new semester but, fear not, I will not let that halt my writing completely. I may get a little slower but I will definitely continue, or at least I should be able to. I'm still currently working on completing A Smelly Situation and then I will start The Cost of Forgiveness and finally wrap up the current requests with Just Horsin' Around. All three should be done by the end of September with A Smelly Situation probably coming out by the end of this next week. Aug 21, 2007 - I have received two new requests and I am currently working on completing them as soon as I can. I predict "A Smelly Situation" to be done by the end of this week and "The Cost of Forgiveness" sometime in the next two or three weeks, perhaps sooner. Also, I realize I still have "Just Horsin' Around" in the queue, I haven't forgotten about it. I should get to it soon after these two. Other than that, I have a number of other stories of from my own mind in the bullpen as well so look out for those in the coming weeks/months. July 26, 2007 - I have finished the requested story, My Sister the Sadist. I hope the requester enjoys it as well as everyone else. July 17, 2007 - Finally, I have finished my newest story entitled "The Disciplinarian." It can be found in the "Stories" section of this site or on the FTP directory in both HTML and TXT formats. Be forewarned, it is a long one (my longest story ever), much longer than I wanted it to be, however, nothing seemed too terribly gratuitous. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I am still working on the requests I have recently received and I will get to them done, hopefully, soon. July 03, 2007 - Per a suggestion by a loyal reader I have included a "Featured Writers" section on my site and I will be sharing stories from other aspiring writers to help them gain exposure but also to just share good, erotic, fart fetish stories. The current story is titled, Payment, by Wolfman Sid. It is really a treat and would definitely recommend reading it. July 01, 2007 - A request was made for two stories, one related to a Sister/Brother face fart situation and the other a horse ranch related story. The "Story Requests" section of the website has been updated with these requests. In the mean time, I have been working on completing a story I have been working on for a few weeks, it should be ready soon. June 24, 2007 - Well after many hours of work I have completed the conversion of all my old stories and I am now going back to work on my new material. Look out for it in the coming days. June 23, 2007 - With the help of some fellow ASSTRs, I have acquired software and information on how to fix the formatting of my stories and over the next few weeks that is exactly what I shall be doing. Bear with me as I try to get it done. You'll know they are updated as they will have underscores (instead of spaces) in the file name when they are finished. |