The March 2004 Silver Clitorides Awards

The Presentation

March Silver Clitorides Award Statuette

Gary stood just outside the door of the library reading room, listening to the elfin redhead read to the attentive children.

"Once in this spacetime continuum, there were three siblings of a porcine protoplasmic species who, having reached the age recognized for majority in their civilization, decided to build habitats for themselves. The wisest recommended the strongest materials then recommended in the March 2004 issue of Galactic Mechanix, Illustrated (Swimsuit Edition), but the other two denigrated his suggestion, pointing out the esthetic nature of alternate construction paradigms.

"The first of the porcine protoplasmic entities assembled his habitat entirely of recycled organically derived materials, aligned in graceful arcs and an early post-modern motif, and was ecstatic at the artistic effect he achieved." I bet he was happier than a pig in shit, Gary thought.

"But before long, there arrived in his vicinity a malfunctioning fembot from Lupus III. The fembot desired access to the habitat, and called upon the porcine protoplasmic entity to dilate a portal. 'Not a hair on your ass' replied the entity. Whereupon the fembot discharged a Mark IV Vortex gun, blowing the house down and extinguishing the life of the porcine protoplasmic entity.

"The second of the porcine protoplasmic entities assembled his habitat entirely of transparent panels of silica alloys, arrayed in obtuse angles, and enjoyed pursuing his hobby of getting stoned, and was euphoric at the effect he achieved.

"But before long, there arrived in his vicinity a malfunctioning fembot from Lupus III. The fembot desired access to the habitat, and called upon the porcine protoplasmic entity to open a window. 'Not a hair on your ass' replied the entity. Whereupon the fembot discharged a Mark IV Vortex gun, blowing the house into shards and extinguishing the life of the porcine protoplasmic entity."

Unnoticed, Gary's Muse had stepped up behind him. "What in the world are you listening to?" she asked in Gary's ear, almost making him miss the words "titanium steel and reinforced concrete."

"I'm gathering inspiration for this month's award presentation," Gary replied. A child shushed them as the teacher got to the part about the Vortex gun.

certificate suitable for framing

"So I take it from the topic that..." Muse was saying over the revelation of the counterbattery fire from the Mark IX Disrupter.

Gary nodded. "The winner of Silver Clitorides Award for the month of March, 2004 goes to Modern Day Fairy Tale by Girl Friday. So I'd like to congratulate Friday and all the authors and finalists."

 

The March 2004 Silver Clitorides Awards Winner:

A Modern Day Fairy Tale by Girl Friday

Story Author Month Status
A Fall in Antioch Smilodon March
2004
Finalist
Jazz Ukulele Holly Rennick March
2004
Nominee
Jason & Jennifer Naked In School Jeremy Spencer March
2004
Finalist
Jenny's Bath Wizard March
2004
Nominee
Modern Day Fairy Tale Girl Friday March
2004
Winner
Tired of Being the Nice Guy MWTB March
2004
Nominee