After being recently widowed I re-entered a relationship with a guy I was in love with in high school. We've had an on again, off again relationship for the last 30 years. In all that time he hasn't been the best lover in the world but at least he was adquate. Now he says he can't make love at all. First it was one excuse and then another. It was the meds he was taking, etc, etc. As each thing got resolved, he came up with a new excuse/reason. He doesn't have any problem getting an erection or having an orgasm when I'm performing oral sex on him though. My question is, is it possible that he can get off with oral sex and really not be able to have regular sex or, is he just using that as an excuse? He's never had a very high sex drive. BTW.. I'm 52 and he's 54.

Anonymous, 52 Female

Hi anonymous. All I can say about this particular problem is that guys are all different, as girls are all different. What gets him on or off will be different to what gets me, or any other guy on or off.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you are not turning him on sexually. At your ages it is possible that impotence is playing a part, and viagra may help in that regard. There are also a myriad of other factors that could be causing his sexual downer, and to this effect I recommend you talk to him about seeing a sex counsellor who can give you both advice on spicing up your love life.

You need to be sexually satisfied too! Don't put up with a guy who is unsympathetic to your needs and continually makes excuses for himself.

Love Doctor Dan