Looking Through The Lens

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ryansylander/www/

Chapter 10: I Can't Quit You, Babe

Back Home

Just like that, it was time to go to Montauk.  We would be there for three weeks, as usual.  I was anxious and excited about what the trip would bring.  I was taking my guitar, of course, but I had also packed one of my dad’s old cameras.  Melissa had selected one that he used for everyday shooting, and suggested I try using that one if I want to learn more about taking pictures with “real cameras,” as she put it.  She put together a padded bag with lenses and a black camera body, and promised to show me how to work it when we got to my aunt’s place.

As we pulled up to the old weathered house on the beach, a wave of feelings rushed over me.  It was going to be hard seeing the places Julie and I had hung out at.  Our time together in Montauk itself had been good.  The bad stuff mostly started after I left. 

After we settled in and ate dinner the first night, Lara and I went for a walk on the beach.

“Ah, it’s good to be here... The water looks great,” she said, sweeping an arm towards the low waves.

“Yeah, I never look forward to seeing the ocean, but when we get here, it is nice.”

“Mm hmm.  So... what are you going to do about Julie?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking maybe I should just talk to her, so we can work things out.  But then again, I don’t know.  It could be a bit awkward.”

“You think?” she asked sarcastically.

“Okay, yeah, I know.  But I really should talk to her, though.”

“You’d probably feel better clearing the air,” she agreed.

“I guess.  What about you?”  I asked.

“And James?”

“Or Julie…” I prodded.

“I don’t know.  If things are weird between Julie and you, then I don’t think the three of us should get together.”  Lara giggled impulsively.

“Lara!  What’s this obsession all about?”

Since our swim a few weeks ago, Lara’s newest tease was suggesting a threesome with Julie.  It was still weird, no matter how many times she joked about it.  There would be no getting used to intimations of me, my sister, and my ex getting together.

“I just meant hanging out!  What did you think I meant?”  Lara grinned at me.

“Oh.  I thought you meant something else.  Forget it.”

“Is that all you ever think about?” she asked.

“Excuse me?  That’s rather strange, coming from you.”

“What are you saying?”

“Nothing.  That’s all you talk about lately, though.”

“All I talk about?  I’ve joked about it maybe four times.  Sometimes I just like to see you squirm,” she said with a laugh.

“Well, it’s still weird.  I don’t see why you can’t pick something else to joke about.”

Lara didn’t say anything.  She just shrugged and smiled.

“You are kidding when you say it, right?” I asked.

“Yes…”  Her tone seemed to leave the word dangling in the night, though.

“But…?” I said after a moment.

“That is kind of a fantasy of mine,” she said with reined excitement.

I started protesting.  “Lara!  I thought you said…”

“I just mean being with both a guy and girl at the same time, not with you!  Chill.”

“Oh, all right.”  I relaxed again.

“Would you do it?” she asked, and then added quickly as she saw my face, “I don’t mean with Julie and me, just two girls.”

“Well…  I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t, but it seems like a total mess.  I have a hard enough time figuring out one girl at a time.  I don’t know that two would work out at all.”

“Well, our parents did it,” Lara pointed out.

I thought for a moment.  “I guess it would have to be something everyone was committed to.”

“Mm hm.”

“So are you going to call James then?” I asked, shaking the graphic images that were filling my head.

“Sure.  What about you?”

“I’m going to try and find Heather tomorrow.  I don’t know what to do about Julie though.”

“Well, you’ll figure something out,” she said confidently.

“Glad you think so, at least.”  I wasn’t so sure.

The next morning I got up early and gathered up my fishing gear.  I hadn’t slept much.  I was imagining meeting Heather on the pier, and wondering what to say to her.  When light started seeping through the cracks of the blinds, I decided to go wait on the pier instead of tossing and turning on the bed.

As I walked there, I felt quite nervous.  The chances of seeing her there were slim, but it wasn’t impossible.  It had been a long time since last summer.  Who knew what had happened to her since then?  I had been through some interesting times, for sure.

No one was on the pier when I got there, so I walked to the end and set up my rod.  As I leaned against the railing, I couldn’t help turning around every few minutes to check the length of planks.  I caught several fish right away, which was nice.  Maybe my luck would be good this year.  Last year, every time I had fished with Heather she had caught five times as many fish as I had.

A few hours went by.  A family came and went, and a few other people were now fishing along the railing.  Every time I saw a person walking down the pier, my heart jumped.  But it wasn’t Heather.

I caught a good number of fish, but eventually the sun was getting high and hot, so I decided to head back home.  I was disappointed that Heather hadn’t come down.  But then again, there were hundreds of fishing places in Montauk, so it was unlikely that I would just run into her again by chance.  I had to take matters into my own hands if I wanted to see her. 

Still, a part of me had been hoping that she had been coming to the pier every morning since the beginning of summer, to see if I was back in town.  Obviously not.

That afternoon, I took one of the bikes and pedaled into town.  It was a moderate ride to get to the group of shops where Martin’s fish market sat on the waterfront.  As I leaned the orange bike up against the weathered green clapboards, I tried to compose myself. 

I walked in and looked around.  Two guys were working behind the counter, and there were several people waiting to get fish.  I got in line, anxiously looking around as people came and went.  Finally, it was my turn to step up.

“Help you?”

“Yeah, um, I was wondering if Heather was here today?”

“Which Heather?”

“Uh, Heather Martin.”  My voice sounded rather uneasy at saying her name aloud.

“No, they all went on vacation.”

“Oh.  Do you know when she’ll be back?”

“Um, let me check.  Hey, Jimmy, when is Angus coming back?”

“Next week sometime.”

“Next week sometime,” the guy repeated, even though Jimmy was only ten feet away.

“Right, thanks.”

“No problem.  Next!”

I went out and sat on a bench.  I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.  What was I going to do for a week? 

“Why don’t you call her?” asked Lara, as we sat on the porch late that night.

“Call her?”

“Well, she gave you her number in Idaho.  Maybe she went back there.”

“Ohio.”

“Whatever.  Do you still have it?”

“Of course I do,” I said a little too enthusiastically. 

Lara laughed.  “Of course you do,” she mimicked.  “Do you sleep with it under your pillow, too?”

“Fuck off.”

I didn’t feel comfortable calling.  That would look desperate, which I wasn’t... yet.  I’d just wait it out. 

In the meantime, Lara had convinced me that I should try to work things out with Julie.  I didn’t really feel like opening up those old feelings again, since I had somewhat moved on.  But Lara was being persistent about it.  I wondered whether she had my interests in mind, or maybe she wanted to see Julie again herself, and was holding back because of me.  Either way, she was probably right; speaking with Julie would be good in the long run.  If I was going to call her at all, it was best to get it out of the way now, so I didn’t have to deal with it later when Heather was back.

“I guess I’ll call Julie tomorrow,” I said.

“Cool.  I think that’s great.”

“Did you talk to James?” I asked, eager to find out how her summer fling was shaping up.

“Yeah, he’s coming over tomorrow evening to swim and eat dinner.”

“Are you gonna pick up right where you left off?”

“Nah, I think we’ll take it slow.  We’re here for three weeks.  There’s plenty of time to warm things up.”  Her tone implied otherwise, though.

I laughed.  “Whatever.  I predict three days.”

“Three days what?”

“That you’ll be screwing at the tennis courts in three days.”

Lara laughed.  “We’ll see!”

“Loser does dishes for the rest of the trip,” I challenged.

Lara looked at me, impressed.  “Wow, you’re confident!”

“Deal?” I asked.

Lara appraised me for a moment.

“Fine, deal.”

The next morning I called Julie.  I only dialed and quickly hung up once.  The second time I called, I let it ring.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, hello, is Julie there?”

“Who’s calling?”

“It’s… uh… Matt.”  Well, there was no hanging up now.

“Okay, Uhh-Matt, let me get her.”

There was some clunking, and then I heard muted voices in the back.  After a long time, I heard the phone pick up.

“Hello?” Julie’s voice was bubbly.

“Hey.”

A brief pause.

“Who is it?”  I guess her mom hadn’t told her.  I could still hang up.

“It’s Matt.”

A longer pause.

“Matt?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow… um, how are you?  Where are you?”

“At my aunt’s.  Back in town for a few weeks.”

Julie didn’t say anything.

“Um, I was just calling to see what’s up,” I said quickly, to fill the gap. 

“Not much…  What about you?”

Flowing below this simple and polite conversation was a thunderous torrent of unspoken words.

“What are you doing tonight?” I asked.  I didn’t feel like beating around the bush with her.

“I’m not sure.”

“Do you want to come by the house?  Lara is here too, and James will be coming by.”

“I… I don’t know.”

“I just thought we could talk.”

Some silence.

“All right.  What time?”

“Like around seven.   I should be done with dinner by then.” 

I didn’t really want to invite her for dinner.  I knew that would be a total bug-in-the-box moment, with my aunt and two mothers watching Julie and me interacting like some social experiment gone wrong.

“All right.  I’ll see you then,” she said.

I hung up the phone, and took a deep breath.  Things were in motion now.

After dinner, James and Lara changed and went out for a swim.  They asked if I wanted to swim too, but I didn’t want to be in the water when Julie arrived, so I just sat on the beach and watched them.  I was pretty sure I’d be right about my prediction, seeing the way they were flirting in the sea.

I wondered how James and Lara made it so easy.  As far as I knew, they hadn’t communicated much over the year, if at all.  There had been no effort to stay in touch, or keep up with what the other was doing.  Yet here they were, just like the year before... just like Lara had never left. 

I was just starting to ponder what lesson there was in that, when I heard Julie approach.

“Hi,” she said. 

I stood up quickly, and brushed the sand off of my shorts. 

“Hey.”  There was an awkward moment as I wondered what to do.  My heart said to give her a hug, but my head said not to.  I decided against the hug.

“Want to walk?” I asked, pointing down the beach.

“Sure.”

We started off towards the pier, the sun just starting to turn red behind us.  She looked good, I thought to myself.  Really good.  Older, and more…developed.  It pained me to think of how I had lost her.  I had been expecting to feel anger when I saw her, but all I felt was sadness and longing.  I should have made more of an effort to keep her, I thought sorrowfully.  All those times I couldn’t even manage a couple of pathetic paragraphs to her... No wonder she had started looking elsewhere.

“I guess you didn’t know I was coming this summer?” I asked.

“No, I knew,” she admitted.  “I saw your aunt the other day, and she told me that you and Lara were coming.”

“But you seemed surprised when I called.”

“I was.  I... I didn’t think you’d ever want to talk to me again.”

“Oh.  Well, you know, a few months ago I thought the same thing.”

Julie was silent.

“But Lara convinced me to talk to you,” I added.

“How is she doing?  Looks like she and James are picking up where they left off.”  Julie glanced back at the two distant figures floating in the water.  It looked more like one figure.  Three days, I reminded myself, almost grinning.

“Yeah, just like old times,” I said. 

“Just like old times,” she echoed quietly. 

We walked for a while in silence.  Sadness washed through me as I remembered happier walks with Julie on the beach.

“How are you doing?” she asked at last.

I shrugged.  “Better,” I admitted.

The closer we got to the issue we were skirting, the more awkward the silence became.

“I guess you got my letter,” she said, all in a rush.

“Yeah.”

“I’m not with Brian anymore.”

Why was she telling me that?

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked.

“I don’t know… No, I was just…telling you.”

“All right,” I said simply.

Julie stopped walking and looked at me.  “Aren’t you going to yell at me or something?”

“Yell at you?”  I suddenly felt bad.  Was that why she thought I called?

“Well, I thought since you called me, you probably wanted to tell me what a bitch I am.”

“Julie…”

“No, go ahead, I deserve it...”

“I’m not…”

“…because I really liked you, Matt, and then I went and did something really stupid…”

“Julie…”

“…so if you want to yell at me, just do it now and…”

“JULIE!”

She stopped talking and looked at me.

“Sorry, but that’s all the yelling you’re going to hear from me, all right?” I said quietly.  All I wanted to do was hug her. 

But she cheated on you, a voice in my head reminded me. 

“I guess you want to talk about it,” I said quietly.  “Just tell me one thing, then.  Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know…” she said, looking down at the sand.  “I really missed you.”

“You missed me, so you went and cheated on me?  That’s a fucked up way of showing it!”

“I know!” she said, her eyes full of shame.  “It was a mistake.  I was drunk, and it was so long since you left, and…”  She stopped, shaking her head and picking at a chip of driftwood with her shoe.

“And Brian was available?”

“He was wanting to go out with me for so long, but I always told him I was with you.  But that night I couldn’t keep him away.  He kept giving me more beers, and shots.”

“How old is he?” I asked. 

“He just graduated in June.”

I took a deep breath.  What was it with her and older guys?

“So that’s why you’re not with him anymore?” I asked.

“No!  He’s still around, but I just don’t want to be with him.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know…  I just couldn’t be with him anymore.”  She seemed to be evading the question, but I didn’t press her.

“What pisses me off the most is that you didn’t tell me right away,” I said.  There was no heat in my voice, though, as I looked at her big, shiny, brown eyes. 

“I know, I should have told you right after it happened, but I was scared,” she said.  “Brian just assumed that we were together after that night, and I couldn’t tell you it was a mistake if I was still with him.  But… then I was stuck, and he was really possessive and everything, and I just kept thinking somehow things would work out.”

“Work out?  What does that even mean, after you cheat?”

“Yeah, I don’t know.  I was stupid.”

“Well, I’ve kind of moved on, so…” I said stoically.

“Oh.”  Julie was quiet.  “So you have a girlfriend back home, then?”

I hesitated for a moment.  “No, it's just that I’ve moved on about what happened.”

“Why did you call me then?”

“I don’t know.  I just thought we could, you know, tie up the loose ends.”

“What does that mean?” she asked.

I wasn’t too sure myself.  I was making this up as I went along.

“I didn’t want to leave things hanging between us.  Despite what happened, last summer was a time I’ll never forget.  Yeah, I wasn’t real happy when I found out about Brian, but it’s in the past now.  I can either hate you, or I can forgive you and move on.”

I wasn’t sure where that had come from, but I thought it sounded good.  Julie was looking at me with wet eyes.

“S-So you don’t hate me?” she asked softly.

“No, Julie, I don’t hate you.”

“Can we still be friends?”

I looked at her for a moment, considering.  Finally I squashed the warning voice in my head away for good.

“Yeah, of course.”

She stood there like she was balancing on the edge of a cliff.  We looked in each other’s eyes for a long time. 

This time my heart won, and I took her into an embrace.  She hugged me like I had saved her life.

For a long time, we held each other, swaying gently to the sound of the waves.  I felt oddly conflicted.  It was unexpectedly nice to hold Julie in my arms.  I never thought that would happen again.  On the other hand, the whole talk we had just had seemed surreal.  There was no mention of her relationship with Lara, nor any talk of John, although that was admittedly not directly part of our problem.

Yet as I held her, I remembered those great summer days with her the previous year, when we had gone to Becky’s house and first fooled around seriously.  And the second time at Becky’s, that night when we had first had sex (sort of), and Becky’s family had suddenly come home from vacation while we were nude on their couch.  A crazy evening.

Suddenly I remembered that Becky had known we were there.  Butterflies fluttered inside my middle, and then landed again.  I had never told Julie about that.  I wondered if she’d ever found out about it from Becky.  If they even spoke again after that day…  I realized I had secrets of my own.

“I really am sorry, Matt,” Julie whispered.  “I don’t know how you can even forgive me.”

“Well I’ve had a chance to work things out over the last half year.  It was a difficult springtime,” I admitted.

“I can imagine.”

She had no idea, but I still said, “I’m sure you can.”

She pulled away from me.  “Do you want to go to the pier?” she asked.

I shrugged.  “Sure.”

We walked the last part of the beach in silence, and then strolled down the weathered boards to the gazebo that sat halfway to the end.  The sun was a brilliant red, bathing Julie in a soft, warm light.  She gave me a small smile as we sat on the bench.  I wished I had my camera to capture her face in this light. 

Could things go back to how they used to be, between Julie and me, after all that had happened?  It did not seem reasonable.  Yet seeing her in person reminded me how much I liked being with her the year before.  The cheating caricature I had built up of her in the months following her letter didn’t at all resemble the soft, beautiful girl I was sitting next to.

But what of Heather?  I had chosen to come to Montauk to see her.  After all, it had been Heather who had gotten me out of my long funk, however indirectly.  I had hopes of hanging out with her, and if I got back together with Julie, it would be hard to find the time to see Heather, let alone explain to Julie why I was hanging out with another girl.

I looked at Julie in the fading light.  She had no makeup on, and her brown hair was loosely done up into a ponytail, with a few strands loose and framing her face.  She was quite pretty.  Gorgeous, really.

She smiled at me when she noticed me watching her.  Her face lit up when she smiled, and I decided I couldn’t be angry with her.

We sat and watched the sun penetrate the horizon. 

Lara wasn’t home when I got back that night.  I was looking over the camera I had brought, figuring out what the different parts seemed to do.  Melissa was going to show me some basics the next morning, but I figured I’d take a gentle head start and play with the controls.

The screen door popped open and Lara bounced in, smiling ear to ear.

I stared at her for a second.

“Did you…?” I asked, my brow furrowed.

She just looked at me with a grin, and then announced, “No, but it’s good to be back in Montauk!”

I laughed.  “Damn, I thought I was off of dish duty for the trip.”

“Let’s go swim,” she said.

“Right now?  It’s dark!”

“So what?  The waves are low, the moon is out, and the water’s warm!”  She sounded like she was in an old movie.  I half expected her to twirl around and float out the door.

“All right then, let’s go.”

I packed the camera up in the bag while Lara checked in with our parents, and then we went down to the sand.

“So what happened with Julie?” she asked, before I could ask about her night.

“It went unexpectedly well,” I admitted.

I recounted the initial encounter briefly, as we stripped to our bathing suits.

“Then we went to the pier and watched the sunset,” I continued.  “It was good to see her.  I felt completely different than I thought I would when I saw her.”

“Are you saying you’re getting back together?” Lara asked. 

“No, but by the time the sun disappeared, it started feeling like last summer, just a little bit.”

We waded in a few yards and sat in the shallows.  Small moon-glinted waves pushed the sand back and forth around us.  The air was just right for a night swim.

“Julie puts a spell on people,” Lara said.  “Every time I see her after coming back, I can’t help but love her.  How did you leave things?”

“I just walked her home, and then she was like, ‘See you around.’  So I guess it’s up to me to call her if I want.”

“Well, that’s good, Matt!  I’m glad it went well for you.  Are you going to call her?”

“I don’t know.”

“What about Heather?” she asked. 

I smiled.  Lara had read my thoughts.

“Yeah, well, there’s that too.  But then again, what about her?  If anything, I should learn something from last year, you know?  When I was waiting around for Julie, I didn’t bother with Carmen, or anyone else.  So now what, am I going to wait around for Heather and not be with Julie?  I mean, Heather could hate me, or she could have a boyfriend, or any number of things.”

“Well, you sure have a different attitude about it, all of a sudden.”

“What do you mean, different attitude?”

“The last few weeks it’s been all ‘When we get to Montauk, Heather this, Heather that,’ and now you see Julie for an hour, and it’s all changed.”

“No, not really,” I said, though I was not very committed to my words.

“Matt, I can see it in your eyes, and hear it in your voice.  Julie’s got a hold on you, boy.  Again.”

“Well, whatever.  I don’t think anything’s going to happen.”

“But what if things go that way?  Are you going to let them?”

I sighed.  “I do miss being with her, despite everything.  I don’t know what she’s thinking, though.”

“Well, what are you thinking?”

“I don’t know that, either.”

“All right, fair enough.”

We listened to the waves for a moment, and then I turned the conversation her way. 

“So what’s up with you and James?”

“We just took a walk.”

She didn’t go on, so I looked at her.

“And…?” I prodded.

“Aren’t you afraid of ‘picturing me,’ if I tell you the details?” she teased.

“No, I think we’ve moved on from there,” I said with confidence.

“All right.  So we went to the tennis courts.  He didn’t have any condoms, but we were both all worked up from, you know, all the groping in the ocean.”  Lara watched me as she spoke, like she was experimenting on some caged animal.

“Go on,” I said nonchalantly, as she had paused again.

“You’re different tonight,” she said.

“You said so already.  What’s your point?”

“Nothing, it’s just cool.  You seem relaxed.”

“So usually I’m an uptight prick?”

“Well –”

“Forget it, don’t even answer that,” I interrupted.

“I was going to say you usually aren’t,” Lara said sweetly.

“Sure you were... Wait, ‘usually?’ ” I said, splashing her lightly.  She just giggled.  “Anyway, get on with the story.”

“All right, all right.  So, yeah, we went to the courts, and… are you sure you want the details?”

I rolled my eyes up at the sky and patiently folded my arms across my chest.

“I gave James a blowjob.”

I looked at her sidelong with arched brow, and a small grin.  “Heh, heh, looks like you’re doing dishes!” I said evilly, raising my arms.  “He wins it!”

“No, we didn’t have sex,” Lara countered, “so you haven’t won shit!”

“But…”

“No!  A blowjob does not count.”

“Well…  All right, fine.  So how was it?” I asked.

“It was good.  You should try it sometime,” she said.

“Nah, I don’t think I’ll be giving any blowjobs,” I said.

“I meant you should try having someone give you one, dumb ass.”

“Oh, right.”

“So then he returned the favor,” she continued.

“He gave you a blowjob?” I asked, laughing.  “When did you grow your own?”

“Oh shut up!  He, you know, licked me down there, and used his fingers.”

“Does that feel good?”

“It was all right.  He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, though.  After being with Julie, it wasn’t nearly as good…”  Her voice trailed off.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

“No, it’s fine.  Is that what you and Julie do?”

“Yeah, usually.  I mean, back when we were together, you know,” she added quickly.

“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?”

“Licking her.  Down there.”

“Well, it’s better getting licked than doing the licking, I think.”

“Do you just move your tongue in and out of the hole?”

“You make it sound so… so clinical!” Lara laughed.

“I’m just wondering!  I’ve never even gotten a good close look at a real vagina, so I’m having trouble picturing what you do.”

“Well, there are different parts that feel good when you touch them.  Like the clitoris feels really good when you lick it.”

“I don’t even know where that is,” I admitted, a bit sheepishly.

“Weren’t you paying attention in sex ed.?” Lara scolded.

“Yeah, maybe, but I don’t remember them teaching us how to dine on pussy.”

Lara laughed.  “You must have been absent that day,” she said.

She jumped up and stood in front of me, gesturing to an invisible something next to her.

“The clitoris is exterior of the vaginal opening, nestled here between the labia,” she said dramatically, imitating our eighth grade health teacher. 

I had to laugh at the accuracy of her accent and tone. 

“Now, boys – and Lara – take your tongue and gently lick the sample vinyl clitorises you have been provided with.  Oh, excellent technique, Lara!  An ‘A’ for the day!”

“Hey, Mr. Quigley, go fix your toupee!” I called out.

“Mr. Jackson-Birch, how disrespectful,” she scolded.  “To the principal’s office at once!”

“Oh, fuck off, you old perv!”

I tackled Lara around the waist and threw her into the water.  We splashed and wrestled each other until we were waterlogged.  We came up sputtering and laughing.

“Shit, that was funny,” I said, catching my breath.

“Quigley, I tell you, that guy was a trip,” Lara said, as we lay down in the sand again.

“Yeah.  Too bad he died,” I suddenly remembered.

“Yeah, lung cancer.  Ironic, isn’t it, for a health teacher?”

“He probably partied hard too, even though he looked like a total stiff.  He was always a weird dude; I wasn’t surprised that his other job was smoking.”

“Yeah, that’s messed up.”

There was a moment of silence for Quigley.

“Anyway,” I said, “I’m serious.  Tell me something I can use next time I’m lip to lip with a vagina.”

“Planning to try it out on Julie?” Lara asked playfully.

“No, that’s unlikely.  But someday it may come in handy.”

“Well, Julie really likes it when you start gently, by licking all around her sensitive parts.  Don’t let her pull you into her.  Just tease her and avoid her clitoris at first.  God, it feels weird saying ‘clitoris’ out loud.  Sounds like we’re at the doctor’s office or something.”

“So where exactly is the clit?”

“Okay, so if you’re looking at a vagina, from top down, you have the hair, then the lips start, and right where they start, the clit is in there.  It’s a little…bump-like thing.”

Lara’s voice caught for a second.  I looked over at her.  She had her hand down her bathing suit, and was feeling herself.  I almost teased her about it, but that would probably be going somewhere I wasn’t going to feel too comfortable with.

“Then below that you have the lips some more,” she continued, “and then the opening, you know, where your penis should go.”

“Yeah, I got that part, thanks.”

“Just making sure.”

“Right.  Go on then.”

“Well, I don’t know, after you tease her long enough, when you finally lick or rub her clit with your finger, she really goes crazy.  It feels amazing.”

What was amazing to me was that this whole relationship between Julie and Lara had gone on and I had no idea.  Lara suddenly seemed so much more experienced with sex than me.  She could describe things that Julie liked.  I tried to think back to what I had noticed, but the only thing that stuck out in my head was licking her nipples.  The rest had been just carnal enthusiasm.

“Okay, it’s your turn,” Lara said abruptly.

“My turn?” I asked.

“What do guys like?”

“Um… anything.”

“Heh, funny.  What do you like?”

“Why do you want to know?” I asked suspiciously.

“Like you said, it may come in handy.”

“Well…”

What did I like?  Again, I felt greatly inexperienced.

“I guess the tip is the most sensitive part, so that’s one thing.”

“What did you really like doing with Julie?”

“Lara, I don’t know!  I haven’t thought about it.”

“All right, don’t get all excited on me!”

“Sorry, it’s just something I never even thought of.  I guess it’s pretty easy to turn on a guy, so everything is good, pretty much.  That’s probably not what you’re looking for, but I don’t have any supermarket magazine tricks to offer.”

Lara laughed a little.  “Well, that’s cool.  I didn’t know if there was something that drove you crazy.”

“I’ll try and make a note next time I’m in a situation.  Just for you.”

“Yeah, you should get a notebook, and when you and Julie get together, stop and take notes of what you like.”

“Lara, that’s fucking retarded.  And also, I’m not getting back together with Julie.”

“Three days.”

“What?”

“Three days, and you and Julie are back together.”

“What?”  I laughed.

“I just know.  Three days.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but I didn’t have an argument.  I was surprised to find myself wondering for a moment if she was going to win her bet.

I didn’t call Julie for a few days.  I had decided that I would try and outlast Lara’s prediction, and not be so weak.  Besides, I didn’t want to do dishes for three weeks. 

The surest way to win the bet was to avoid calling Julie.  I wasn’t sure that if I started hanging out with her that I would be able to outlast three days, if she was willing to get back together.  Lara was right; she was starting to get a hold on me again.

Meanwhile, Lara and James were definitely back to old times.  Two nights after our beach talk, they had escaped to the courts at dusk.  I was sleeping by the time Lara got back, but the next morning I could tell from her face that I had predicted well, and that Lara was going to be getting familiar with the sink.  That was, of course, only if I did not cave in with Julie.

Lara kept pestering me to call her, it being the third day of her own three-day prediction.  She was getting worried that she was going to lose.  Lara was pretty competitive sometimes, and this game was no exception. 

If I didn’t get together with Julie by that evening, I would win and Lara was on dish duty the rest of the vacation.  If Julie and I did get back together, then the game was a wash and we split dishes as usual.

“So the three days doesn’t start until you actually call her,” Lara said.

“You can’t change the rules now!” I protested.

“Sure I can.  Otherwise, what’s the point?  You can’t just not call her!  Where’s the challenge in that?”

We went back and forth like siblings for a bit.  Finally, I compromised.

“All right.  I’ll call her today.  But today is the last of your three days.”

Lara considered the offer for a moment.

“Fine.  Call her right now.”

“Fine.”

I called Julie, and she agreed to come over.  It would be pretty easy holding out for one evening.

“So, do you want to go to a party tonight?” Julie asked me as we floated in the waves.  Lara and James were lying in the sun up on the beach.

“A party?”

“Yeah, I thought it might be fun, and you could meet some of my friends.”

“Uh, I don’t know…  Will Brian be there?”

“Brian?  I don’t know.  It’s fine... we aren’t together, Matt.”

“Yeah, but you said he was kind of possessive.  He may think I’m with you or something.”  I slyly slipped that last bit in there just to keep her at bay.

Julie sized me up for a moment, ignoring the comment.  “You could take him.”

“Take him?  I’m not interested in fighting anyone!”

“I know, I’m just kidding.  Don’t worry, it will be fine.”

The party offered the temptation of alcohol, endless small talk with a bunch of people I didn’t know, and the possibility of bodily harm.  Why the hell was I even considering going?

Julie looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

“All right, sure,” I said quickly. 

“Cool!  It will be fun, I promise.”

I decided to go all out in the game with Lara, just to prove to her how strong I was.  So I hung out with Julie all day long, and I even invited her for dinner.  I was sure Lara was carefully watching us, thinking she was surely going to win her bet and save the extra chores. 

“So you and Julie are hanging out again,” Melissa mentioned casually after I had asked if Julie could eat dinner with us.

“Yeah, sort of.  Oh, yeah, we’re going to go out for a little while tonight, if that’s okay,” I said.

“Where to?”

“Just to some friend of hers' house for a little while, then we’ll be back.”

“Sounds like fun.  Are Lara and James going?” 

“I think it’s just me and Julie,” I said.  “We’re just friends now,” I added, when my mom gave me a sidelong glance, eyebrows raised.

“Friends.”  She nodded as she thought about it.  “That’s good, Matt.”

I could almost hear her thoughts, saying “three days” as she watched me with a small smile.

After dinner, Julie and I walked to the house where the party was. 

“If you have any trouble with Brian, just let me know,” Julie said.

“But, I thought you said…”

“I know.  It should be fine.  He probably won’t even be here.”

“All right.”  I considered asking if we could go back to my house, but she seemed excited about having me meet her friends.  I didn’t want to let her down.

The house was pretty crowded when we got there.  I was feeling paranoid about seeing Brian, but none of the guys there seemed to do more than look at Julie and me for a few moments.

Julie found her friends sitting around the kitchen table.  They were playing some drinking game with coins. 

“Hey, everyone, this is Matt,” Julie announced.  The four girls looked at me.  By their expressions, I could tell they had heard all about me.  They said hello and waved.

Julie motioned for me to sit in the empty chair, and then she squeezed in next to me.  One of the girls passed me a cup and a quarter.  I hesitated for a second, wondering if I should refuse.  Since school was over, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to participate.  I decided to play, but go easy on the drinking.

Julie pulled me out the back door.  There were a few couples outside in the dark corners, but mostly the party was contained inside for noise reasons.  The sudden quiet of the yard was welcome.  I was tired and buzzed, but had managed to control my beer consumption… amazingly. 

After playing quarters with her friends for a while (and Julie somehow ended up sitting on my lap to make room for a few others), we had wandered the house, meeting a few other people.  Everyone was cool, and there was no sign of Brian.  Against all my expectations, I had had a really good time, and was feeling relaxed and happy.

Julie took me over to a bench, and we sat near each other.  She looked at me with bright eyes.

“Thanks for coming tonight,” she said.

“No problem.”

She leaned in and kissed me gently.  Arousal shot through me like lightning, as I tasted her lips for the first time in a year.  Suddenly I pulled away.  Julie just watched me expectantly.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“What’s wrong?”

“I… can’t.”

Julie turned away from me.

“Look, Julie,” I went on, turning her towards me again.  “I miss you.  Like crazy.  I didn’t even know how much until I saw you a few days ago.  But…”

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

“No, it’s not that.”  I tried to put Heather out of my mind.  “I just…I mean, there’s like a lot we haven’t talked about.”

“Are you still angry about Brian?” she asked.

“No, I’m not angry.  But there are things that we should discuss,” I said vaguely.

“Like what?”  I could see some fear in her eyes.

“I don’t want to bring down your night.  Let’s just go back inside and have a good time.  We’ll talk more tomorrow, all right?”

“No, Matt, I don’t want to be inside.  I want to be with you.”

“I…”

I almost said “I do too,” but I choked it off in time.

“Look, let’s talk tomorrow,” I said, instead.

“It’s about Brian, right?”

“No!  I swear.  Don’t worry, let’s just get another beer and hang out.”

Julie looked at me for a moment, considering something.  Then she leaned in close to my ear.

“Can I do something for you?  Make everything up to you?”

“Julie, you don’t have to do anything for me.”

“I want to.  No strings.  I owe you.  I thought you’d hate me for the rest of your life.  I just can’t believe that you are giving me another chance to be your... your friend.”

“Well...”

“Just come with me, Matt, please.”

“Julie...” I answered weakly as she caressed my chest.  Her hand was moving down.  Her touch was like a feather, but it left a searing tingle everywhere it went.  My resolve suddenly was not as strong as I thought.  It was being washed away like a sand castle at high tide.

“No strings, Matt.  Just a thank you.”

She stood and pulled me up.  She smiled and brought me into the house again.  Instead of going towards the living room, we turned left down the hall and into a bedroom.  Julie closed the door and locked it.

She pushed me down onto the bed, and sat next to me.  I started feeling that I was about to lose my bet with Lara.  But surely, I could wait just one more day?  I had to at least talk to her about her relationship with Lara, before anything happened.  Lara’s bet was secondary to the real reason I had to take it slow with Julie.  I wasn’t about to jump into another opportunity to get hurt.

“Julie, wait, wait.  This is bad.  It’s not right to do something out of guilt.”

“Matt, this isn’t about guilt.  There is nothing bad about this,” she said softly.

“I don’t see it that way.  If you really…”

“I can’t believe you’re turning down a blowjob,” she whispered.

“…want to show me that you are – Wait, what?”

I looked at her.  Julie just smiled innocently.  The sand castle was gone.  In its place was an unstoppably growing sense of arousal.  For a moment, a series of images flashed through my head: Heather on the pier, Lara and Julie naked in a bed, John and Julie having sex in a bathroom, Becky and me in my room, and me doing dishes.  Then, they were gone.  All I saw was Julie reaching for my zipper as I fell back on the bed. 

Julie pulled my shorts and boxers down around my thighs.  I was already completely hard as she ran her fingers over me.  I started to sit up to stop her, but then I just let myself relax again. 

Live in the moment...  She had said no strings, a voice reminded.  Another voice told me that it was too late: she had me wrapped up good.

Julie lowered her head towards my middle.  I braced for her lips to land on me, but all I felt was her breath.  The wait was agonizing, as she delicately caressed me.  She seemed to be examining it closely, gently stroking the smooth skin.

She gripped me tighter, and then she took me in.  The feeling of her wet mouth wrapped around me was incredible.  She slowly moved up and down, perhaps a bit tentatively.  But I wasn’t complaining; the sensation was unlike any other.

She slowly built up speed and pressure as I let out long breaths.  Deeper she took me, and now so perfectly enveloped by her mouth, I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to last.  Not only had it been a long time since Julie and I had had sex, but we had never done this before either. 

The sight of her was quickly pushing me past the point of no return, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away.  I tensed up, trying to hold off as long as possible.  When Julie suddenly turned her eyes up to me, I wished I could capture the moment forever.  Her round brown eyes were too lively, and there was no stopping my climax then. 

“Julie, I…I…,” I croaked.

I closed my eyes.  Just as I started to spurt, Julie pulled off and worked me fast with her hand.   Several jets flew out onto my stomach, as I groaned loudly.

“Shh…” she hushed, raptly watching the pearly liquid as it settled on my skin.  I stayed stiff like a board for a few long moments and then relaxed into the bed, letting out a long sigh.  I looked down at my shiny stomach. 

Considering how short a time I had been excited, I was surprised at the amount.  A short, but powerful arousal.  Somehow, everything seemed all right for the first time in a while.

I lay there, spent, for a long time. 

“That was incredible, thanks,” I finally said.

“Mm, you’re welcome,” Julie said.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” I asked.

“Is that an invitation to come over and hang out?” she asked shyly.

“Yeah.”

“I’m free.”

“Cool.  Come over for lunch?”

“Sure.”

I hesitated for a second, wondering whether to bring up the items we had to talk about. 

But did we need to talk about them?  I decided to let it lie until the next day, and then decide what to do.  I was tired and wanted to get home to sleep.

“Come on,” I said, sitting up.  “I should get home, I’m beat.  I’ll walk you back.”

“Okay,” she said.  I pulled her up and we walked out into the hallway.  The party was still in full swing, though the lights were low.  Julie slipped into the bathroom, and I waited in the dark hallway leaning against the wall, although I was somewhat sober now. 

Julie was back in my life.  I had lost my resolve, and my bet with Lara.  But it was all right; Julie was worth it.  Despite everything, I had forgiven her.  Her recent offering of pleasure was just an added bonus. 

Heather popped into my head.  I probably wouldn’t hang out with her much this summer, being now with Julie again.  Sometimes people drifted into your life momentarily, and then drifted away, like a raindrop on a windshield. 

For a moment, I wondered what would have happened had I waited for Heather to return before seeing Julie, but it was done now.  I had made my choice. 

Julie popped out of the bathroom, and grabbed my hand as we went out into the living room.  Anyone who wondered if we were a couple when we arrived together, now knew for certain.

I glanced around the room, half-expecting Brian to come barreling at me. 

Then I looked across the room, straight into a pair of familiar life-filled eyes that pierced the gloom of the dusky house like twin firebrands.  Our eyes connected through a gap in the partying crowd, and all other people in the room disappeared for a moment. 

Heather Martin was back in Montauk.

Forward to Chapter 11

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