Looking Through The Lens

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Chapter 4: Nobody's Fault but Mine

Back Home

When Julie and I got back to the house, no one was around.  Hans was sleeping, and the rest of the adults were still at the movie.  Lara and James hadn’t returned from wherever they were. 

Julie and I sprawled on the porch couch, and fell into a trance.  We were too tired to do anything but lay there in silence, after all the excitement.  Neither of us had felt steady enough to ride our bikes, so we had to hurry back on foot.  By the time we reached the comfort of the couch, we were exhausted.  A few times I felt myself nodding off.

Soon we heard my parents and aunt pulling into the drive.  I wondered what they would say when Lara wasn’t home.  Julie and I looked at each other with the same thoughts.

“Maybe I should go,” said Julie.  “At least Lara might not be in trouble if your parents think she’s with me.”

“True.  But it’s late…  You shouldn’t walk home alone.”

“I’ll be fine,” Julie dismissed.

“I’ll walk you,” I said firmly.

“But then you’ll be in trouble.”

“No, I’ll figure something out.” 

I stood and pulled Julie up.  We slipped out through the porch door and walked down to the beach, just as the lights went on in the house. 

“You know, we’re starting to make a bad habit of sneaking out the back door as the owners come home,” I said.

Julie laughed and put her arm around my waist as we walked along the sand.  After a few minutes, we saw two people walking our way.  As they got closer, we recognized Lara and James.

“Hey,” I said, as we met up.  “Everyone is back at the house.”

“Are we in trouble?” asked Lara.  She didn’t seem to be too concerned, though.

“I don’t know.  We left right before they got there,” I said.

“Matt was walking me home,” added Julie.

“We figured there would be fewer questions if we were both missing,” I said to Lara.

“Well, if you lot need to get back, I can walk Julie home,” offered James.

I hesitated for a moment.  I wanted to walk Julie home, but the sooner we returned to the house, the fewer questions we would probably face. 

I looked at Julie.  She nodded.

“Thanks, James, that would be cool,” I said.

“No problem, mate.”

I gave Julie a kiss and wished her goodnight, while James did the same with Lara.  Then we went our separate ways.

“So what are we going to say?” I asked Lara as we approached the house.  “We don’t have a side door to come in through.”

“Are you still drunk?” she asked. 

I thought for a second.  I couldn’t tell if I was tired or drunk.  Probably both. 

“Sort of,” I said.  “Julie and I took the bottle with us.”

“You do look a bit worn out.  We’ll just say we were hanging out on the beach.  Let me handle it.  I feel all right.”

We went up the stairs and entered the porch.  The women were laughing somewhat wildly in the kitchen.  Lara motioned me to sit on the couch as she went into the house. 

“Hi,” she said cheerily, as I listened through the open door.

“Out late, are we?” Melissa asked.

“Yeah, you were out late,” Lara agreed.

I stifled a snigger.  To my surprise, my parents and aunt laughed.

“Matt and I were out on the beach, chilling,” Lara said.

“With James and Julie, I presume?” Sarah said.

I thought her voice was a little unsteady and happier than usual.

“They left a little while ago, but we just sat out there a bit longer, enjoying the air, talking…” Lara said, the pinnacle of innocence.

The adults appeared to be fooled, or, more likely, too jovial to challenge the tale.

They poked their heads out through the door to the porch, and bade me goodnight.  As their voices receded into the house, Lara closed the porch door and sat next to me. 

“Nice,” I said quietly. 

“Thanks.  How was your night?” she asked.

“Long.  Crazy.  But good.”

“Crazy, huh?  What did you do?”

“We ended up going over to the house Julie was sitting for,” I said.

“You went over to Becky’s?  Why?”

“Why do you think?  An empty house…”

“You and Julie are getting serious, huh?  But Becky’s… That’s way far away.”

“We biked,” I said.  “We didn’t know where to go, so that seemed like the thing to do.”

“Did you get naked?” she said in a low voice.

“Lara!” I said. 

Lara was grinning at me.  “Did you get crazy on her parents’ bed?”

“God!  I’m not telling you anything,” I said with a grimace.

“Fine, suit yourself.”  She shrugged and sat back in the cushions, closing her eyes and pretending to sleep.

We remained there in silence for a while.

“All right,” I said finally.  “We fooled around.”

“Well, I figured as much,” she said, snapping upright and rolling her eyes.

“We were there when...  Well, we were fooling around when Becky and her parents came back,” I said quietly.

“No shit?  Are you serious?” Lara exclaimed loudly.

“Shh!”  I looked at the door nervously.  “Yeah.  Luckily we were able to sneak out the back door before they came in.”

“Wow.” 

I watched as Lara tried to re-create the scene in her head. 

“Did they see you?” she asked.

“No, I think we escaped unnoticed.”

“That was lucky!”

“Yeah.  That was it.  We came home after that.  So what did you and James do?”  I asked.

“Nothing as exciting as that,” she answered.

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

“We fooled around.” 

She seemed to be the one hesitating, now.

“Oh, thanks for that info.  Didn’t know that,” I said sarcastically.

“If I tell you something, will you tell our parents?” she asked excitedly.

I knew she was going to tell me, but I still reassured her.  “Lara, you know I’d never do that.” 

She looked at me seriously for a moment.

“James and I had sex,” she said in a low voice. 

I raised a brow in surprise.  “Really?  That’s cool.  But where?”

“We went to the tennis courts.  There’s no one there after the lights go out.”

“Ow.  Must have been uncomfortable.”

“We were on the grass, and James had a blanket,” she explained.

“How was it?”

“It hurt a little at first, but then it started feeling better.  But it was all so fast.”

“So fast?”

“Yeah, James was so horny, he finished pretty quickly.”

“Why didn’t you do it again?”

“He only had one condom.”

I made a mental note to ask James where he got his condoms.

“Me and Julie did it too,” I announced suddenly, feeling more confident after Lara’s disclosure.

Lara turned to me and hit my arm playfully.  “You didn’t say that earlier!”

“Well, it didn’t come up until now!”

Lara’s eyes suddenly lit up.  “So you were in the middle of doing it when her parents came home?”  The thought seemed to excite her.

“Yeah – well, sort of… We didn’t really have sex.  Well, we did, but I didn’t have any condoms, so we kind of did, but we were just playing around.”  I suddenly grew acutely aware of the level of detail that I was sharing with my sister. 

“Talk to James, maybe he can hook you up with some,” Lara said.

“All right, I will.  There’s not much point, though.  We only have a few more days before we leave.”

“Mmm.  Kind of sucks that we’re leaving just when things are getting good.  Still, a few days is a few days.  Better have something on hand, just in case.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

Feeling a little exposed suddenly, I stood up and yawned.  “I’m exhausted.  I’m going to bed.  Long night, you know.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

Lara stood, and I gave her a hug.

“Is this weird?” I whispered into her ear. 

Lara pulled away and looked at me with a questioning look.

“Is what weird?”

“Talking to your sister about your sex life?”

“Sex life?  I didn’t know you really had one.  Except your hand.”

“Lara!”

“Just kidding.  No, I don’t think it’s weird.  Does it wig you out?”

“No.  I just never expected to be sitting here telling you about it.”

“Me neither.  But so what?”

“So nothing.  It’s fine.  I was just checking,” I said.

“Okay.  Come on, before you pass out on me.” 

She gave me another hug, and then we went inside.  I was out before I even hit the bed.

Julie came by the next day, and she, Lara, and I went for a swim in the ocean.  When I saw James walking down the beach, I excused myself and waded out to meet him.  For a moment I felt silly asking him for condoms, but I didn’t think I’d enjoy buying them at the drugstore.  I had been mulling over how to approach the topic, but wasn’t sure what to say.

“Hey, man, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, mate.”

“I was wondering if you, um, have a way of getting a hold of any rubbers.” 

Well, there it was.  Direct and to the point.  James looked at me for a second, and then grinned. 

“Yeah, sure.  I can usually find some in my brother’s room.  I’ll get you some if I find any when I go home, later.”

“Thanks, man.”

Following some unwritten male code, I didn’t mention how I knew he had access to rubbers, and he didn’t ask why I wanted them.  I suppose both points were quite obvious, though. 

We waded into the water to hang out with the girls.  They were in quiet conversation, which stopped as we approached.  After some obligatory small talk, Lara and James waded out to lie on the beach.

“So I told Lara about last night,” said Julie.

“Really.  What did she say?”  I wondered if Julie was mad I had told Lara first.

“She thought it was crazy.  Cool, though.”

So Lara hadn’t mentioned that I had told her about the events.  I suddenly had a new respect for my sister.

“What’s wrong?” asked Julie.

“Huh?  Oh, I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“About last night,” I said.  “That was a lot of fun.  Did you hear anything from Becky, though?”

“Yeah, they left a day early and didn’t tell me.  I have to return the keys later this afternoon.  Do you want to come?” Julie asked.

“I don’t know,” I said cautiously.  “It might be weird, especially if they suspect anything.”

“Nah, I don’t think they saw us.” 

She sure seemed confident.  More than I felt.

“All right, I guess I’ll go with you,” I said.  Despite feeling a little apprehensive, part of me was excited at the thought of seeing the couch one more time.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in the waves or lying on the beach.  Neither of us spoke of my impending departure, which was starting to weigh on me.  We had two days together before I had to leave for home. 

Eventually, Julie and I took the bikes and went over to Becky’s house.  I offered to wait out on the road, but Julie assured me there was nothing to worry about.  We parked the bikes and walked up onto the deck.  Becky opened the door and invited us in, giving Julie a big hug.

“You remember Matt?” Julie asked her, as she gestured to me.

“Sure, you’re Lara’s little brother,” she said, looking me up and down.  For a second, it seemed like she was appraising me for a sale.

“Yeah,” I said, giving her a questioning look, which she missed.  Only by a few days, I thought.

“He’s not so little anymore,” said Julie, giving me a wink. 

“Obviously not,” said Becky, looking me over again.

I stood there uncomfortably.

I had last seen Becky a year ago.  Back then, she had braces and was a bit overweight.  A year had made a big difference though.  She had grown taller and her baby fat had turned into a nice set of curves, including a pair of rather large breasts.  She looked pretty good in her tank top and shorts.  I glanced at her body as I followed the girls into the kitchen.

I was nervous about being in the house again, after having to leave so abruptly last night.  Nothing seemed amiss, however.  I kept glancing over to the living room, expecting to see a piece of forgotten clothing sticking out from a cushion, but there was nothing of the sort.  I reminded myself that we had taken everything out that we had brought in, but I still couldn’t help feeling strange.

One thing hadn’t changed about Becky: she still talked nonstop.  She and Julie chatted for a while, catching up on local news, while I stood around trying to look interested.  Finally Julie slipped in that we had to get back for dinner. 

“What are you all doing tonight?” Becky asked me as we went out onto the deck.

Julie looked at me.  I didn’t really want to have to hang out with anyone besides Julie, but I didn’t want to be rude to her friend, either.  I just shrugged. 

“I don’t know.  We’ll probably just be hanging out at Matt’s aunt’s house.  Or maybe the pier,” said Julie.

“Okay, maybe I’ll call over there later and we can do something,” said Becky, looking at me. 

Why was she looking at me?  Julie was her friend.  I hardly knew her.

“Okay,” I said vaguely, under the pressure of her stare.

We said our goodbyes, got our bikes and rode back to the house.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Julie said, though her tone was a bit subdued.

“No.  I was half expecting to see something we left on the living room couch, though.”

“Yeah, I glanced over there a few times too,” Julie said with a small laugh.

“What do you want to do tonight?” I asked, as we approached the house.

“I don’t know, but I kind of hope Becky forgets to call us.”

“Yeah,” I said, relieved to hear that.  “I mean Becky’s cool, but I want to maybe spend some time alone tonight.”

“Me too,” said Julie.  “Let’s just see what happens.”

After dinner, Julie and I were hanging out on the beach, and we had forgotten all about Becky.  Lara came down and joined us on the sand.  The evening was particularly hot and humid.

“Becky’s coming over,” she announced.

Julie and I looked at each other.

“She just called while I was peeing,” my sister continued, “and told Mom that she was coming by.”

Lara had a questioning look on her face.

“Yeah, she had asked what we were doing tonight, when we saw her earlier,” explained Julie.

“Do you think she’ll stay long?” asked Lara.  I had a feeling Lara saw the problems with a fifth wheel hanging around, and a talkative wheel at that.  I was sure Lara was looking for some private time of her own with James, on our last two nights here.

Julie looked at her sympathetically.  “I don’t know.”

“Maybe James will scare her off,” said Lara.  “He doesn’t like Becky all that much.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“He thinks she talks too much, and it annoys him,” said Lara.

“Yeah, she can be that way,” said Julie.  “But she’s all right most of the time,” she added, almost reluctantly.

We went into the water to cool off while we waited for James to show up, but Becky came first.  She put her beach bag down on the sand and peeled off her clothes.  She was wearing a tight string bikini, which let her large breasts swing about as she walked.  She waded out to where we were floating.  As she approached I made sure to keep my eyes on the horizon, lest anyone see me eyeing her breasts.

Becky gave Lara a quick hug and greeted Julie and me. 

“So what’s going on tonight?” she asked. 

The three of us looked at each other quickly.

“We hadn’t really thought of anything yet.  We’re all kind of tired though,” said Lara.

“Tired?  Come on, people, I just got back from endless boredom with my family!  I’m ready to have some fun,” said Becky.  “I’ve got some wine in my bag,” she added in a low voice. 

“I don’t know if I can drink tonight,” Julie said.  “Still recovering from some tequila we had last night.”

Becky looked at her for a moment and then laughed.  “I never thought I’d hear you turn down wine!  Remember the last time I brought some wine over to your place and your brother –”

“Becky, quit it,” said Julie, interrupting her.  Her tone was a bit annoyed.

“What, that was a great night!  You and John finished that bottle and –”

“Becky, that’s enough!”  Julie splashed her face with water.  Becky splashed back at her, thinking it was a game, but there was no mistaking the tension in Julie’s voice.  I wondered what Becky was going to say, that had made Julie so uptight.

Becky started splashing everyone, and the situation turned into a reluctant water fight. But only briefly, since Lara spotted James approaching on the beach.  He had a bag as well, and he sat down on the beach to wait for us.

“Come on.  Let’s get out.  James is here,” said Lara. 

We followed her out and toweled off.  James looked at Becky and gave Lara a slightly pained, questioning look.  She just shrugged a little, rolling her eyes. 

Becky was soon trying to enlist James to help convince us to party with her.

“So James,” she said, “they say they are too tired to go out and drink some vino.  We need to wake them up.”

“I’m kind of tired too,” said James, letting out an exaggerated yawn.

“Damn it, you all are wusses!  Um, I know, let’s go to the pier to drink.”

“Keep it down,” I said, “My folks are right up there in the house.”

“Oh, sorry,” she said. 

She momentarily lost steam, and we stayed on the beach for a while, acting tired and lazy; all of us were hoping Becky would give up and leave.  When it started becoming clear that she wasn’t going anywhere, James stood up abruptly.

“All right, let’s go,” he said quietly.  “It’ll be dark soon.”  He shouldered his bag, and we all started off towards the pier.

The next few hours were miserable.  Becky must have been terribly lonely on her family trip, and she took it out on us with an endless torrent of words that none of us really wanted to hear at that moment. 

She also passed the wine around.  At first we drank half-heartedly, not really in the mood to get buzzed.  After Becky went on for a while about her young bratty cousins, we started drinking in earnest, hoping to dull the edge. 

Neither of us couples had really indicated to Becky that we were together, and it seemed awkward to do so at this stage.  In retrospect it would have probably been better to tell her right when we first saw her, but it was hard to tell her anything, it seemed. 

“Then my cousin was like, Becky this, Becky that, and it was so annoying, you know, and there was just, like, nothing worse than…”

Becky got more animated as she drank, while we got more subdued.  When Becky started putting her hand on my arm and thigh briefly as she talked, I knew I had to do something. 

I looked at Lara, and motioned with my head to the shore, and closed my eyes.  Lara gave a small nod.  She stood and announced that she needed to get some sleep.  James quickly stood up as well and offered to walk her back.  Without much further ado, they said goodbye and walked off down the pier. 

That wasn’t quite what I had in mind.  Part of me was happy that at least they had made a good escape, and another part of me was getting bitter that Julie and I were still stuck there with Becky.  Another twenty minutes went by as I wondered what to do.

“Well, I think I better turn in too,” said Julie, during a rare break in the monologue.  I opened my mouth to offer to walk her home.

“Hey, my folks said I could sleep over at your place tonight,” said Becky suddenly.

Julie looked at her for a moment, wide-eyed.  “Um, I don’t know... I – I haven’t asked my mom,” she stammered.

“She won’t mind.  She always says I can come over anytime,” Becky dismissed.

Julie looked at me, desperation in her eyes.  “I guess.  I’m really tired, though.”

I had no idea what to do either.  I felt angry, but no solutions were presenting themselves.

“Well, I don’t have a ride home,” Becky said.  “I don’t know if I can walk all the way back home now.  I’m all drunk and shit.”

I sighed silently, and then shrugged.  I could see the apology in Julie’s eyes. 

“No, I guess you can’t walk home now,” said Julie, with a slight bitterness in her voice as she stood up.

I offered to walk with them to Julie’s, a last ditch attempt at maybe having some alone time with her after we arrived at her house.  I could see why James didn’t like Becky.  My resentment toward her grew even more as we walked. 

When we got to Julie’s house, I said goodnight.  There wasn’t even a way to get a kiss in.  Julie and I shared a longing look together, before she closed the door and I turned to make the walk back home.

The next morning I woke up in a foul mood.  I hadn’t slept well at all, mainly tossing and turning as I mulled over what could have been the night before.  I was depressed at the outlook for today as well.  Unless we could somehow ditch Becky, I ran the risk of not being able to spend much time alone with Julie on my last day in Montauk.

I ate a late breakfast and retreated to my room.  I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I lay on my bed and sulked for a long time. 

Someone knocked.

“What?” I said gruffly.

“It’s me,” said Lara. 

She opened the door and came in, closing it behind her.  I lifted my head to look at her.  She looked tired, but there was a happy glint in her eyes.

“Hey,” I said dejectedly, plopping back down onto my pillow.

“Hey,” she said.  She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at me as I stared off at the wall.

“Didn’t go so well after we left last night, I take it?” she said.

“No,” I said bitterly, my voice heated.  “Fucking Becky, she invited herself over to Julie’s to sleep over!”

“Why did Julie let her?”

“She didn’t, but Becky said it was okay.  I don’t know; it sounds like Becky is there a lot.”

“I’m sorry.  I was hoping you’d leave like we did and Becky would just go home.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too.”

“Hmm… We have to think of something for tonight,” said Lara pensively.

“I guess.  Tell our parents not to let her come over, if she calls again.”

“I don’t know if we can say that,” Lara mused, “but at least I’ll tell them to let us talk to her.”

“I guess.  She’s just so pushy.  Totally took over the night.”

“Yeah, bossy cow…  Hey, cheer up, though, Julie is coming by for lunch.”

“Unless Becky is still over there,” I said. 

“Nah, Julie just called and said that Becky was going home for a while, so she was going to come over for lunch in a bit.  I guess she had a bad night too.”

“I’ll get up in a little while, then,” I said, rolling over onto my stomach.

“All right, I’m gonna cool off in the ocean for a bit.”  Lara gave me a sympathetic pat on the arm and then went out. 

A little while later there was another knock at my door. 

“Yeah,” I grunted. 

Someone came in and closed the door.  When they didn’t say anything, I looked up and was surprised to see Becky standing there.  She had her string bikini top on and a pair of short shorts.  For a second I stared at her blankly.  Then I sat up, thinking a thousand thoughts.  I was in my boxers, and felt rather exposed.  I didn’t have any clothes at arm’s reach, though.  To pull the sheets across my lap seemed somewhat ridiculous.

“Um, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, I was on the way home, and I was just stopping in to see what was up,” she said airily.  “That was a fun night last night.”

I forced myself not to look at her chest as I looked up at her.  “Yeah,” was all I could say.

“What are you doing today?” she asked, as if I had invited her over.

“Nothing,” I said, before I thought about it.  “I mean, I don’t really know.  Just hanging out, you know?” 

While I mumbled those words, I wondered why she was here.  She had closed the door.  She was in her bathing suit.  Was she coming on to me?  I started thinking back to last night, and her touches and looks seemed a lot less innocent, all of a sudden.  But wouldn’t Julie have said something about us, last night after I left them? 

Whatever the case, I didn’t think being in my room with her was a good idea, especially with the door closed.  If Julie showed up now...

“You want to go into town and get some lunch?” she asked. 

I frowned deeply.  “Lunch?  No, I have to eat here,” I said.

“Oh, well, that’s really too bad,” she said cryptically.

“What?  Why?” I asked.

“No reason,” she said, with a dramatic shrug of her shoulders.  I couldn’t help but glance at her breasts as they swayed in front of me.  She was acting all weird.

“Why is it too bad?” I pressed.

“We could go over to my house after,” she said quietly, going to look out the window at the beach.

“So?”  I looked at her butt and legs as she bent over a little to peer outside.

“So... my folks are out for the day.” 

She stayed leaning against the sill for a moment, and then turned quickly, looking me in the eye. 

I looked at the floor.  I sat quiet in thought.  What was she doing?  Was she really suggesting what I thought she was? 

“Um, I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” she asked.

“I don’t... I’m with someone else,” I blurted out.  “I thought you knew,” I added quietly.

“Knew?  How am I supposed to know?  I just got here last night,” she said.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Still, what’s the difference?  No one will know.  Just have some fun, Matt.”  She leaned against the desk, awkwardly putting her arms back on it.  Her breasts pressed out into the air even further.  I glanced away.  She was starting to scare me.  She seemed like she was putting on a weird act that she hadn’t really practiced.  I wasn’t sure what to say. 

I had to admit there was a small part of me that wanted to take her up on her offer.  Becky wasn’t very attractive to me in terms of her personality, but having her body on display in front of me was tempting my libido. 

A larger part of me liked what I had with Julie, however, and I wanted to make that work before I left the next day.  Plus Julie was supposed to be on her way over for lunch, and I doubt she would like finding me in my room with Becky.  Finally I resorted to the truth.

“Listen, I guess I thought Julie would have told you,” I said evenly.

“Told me what?” Becky asked.

“Me and her have been – we’ve been together this summer.”

She looked at me.  “You and Julie?  Really?”

“Yeah.”

Becky got up and paced around the room for a few moments.  I stared at the floor, wondering what she was going to say.  She suddenly stopped and looked at me.

“Oh,” she said.  Something had clicked, and I wasn’t sure I was going to like what she was about to say.

“It was you, then…”

“Me?” I said.

“You were at my house with Julie two nights ago.”

My stomach took a violent twist and dived to the floor.  How did she know?  Had she seen us going down the driveway? 

Or had Julie told her?  Then not told her it was me?  No.  Nothing made any sense.

“What are you talking about?” I said.  I hoped the nervousness I felt inside wasn’t coming across in my voice.

“Julie was at my house Friday night with someone when we got home from vacation.”

Becky looked at me expectantly, daring me to challenge her statement. 

I stayed silent, hoping this was a bad dream.  When I didn’t answer, Becky paced for another while, and then leaned on the desk again.  I was starting to wish she would say something.  Finally I spoke up.

“Listen, I’m sorry,” I said hesitatingly.  “I was over there with her.  She needed to check on your cats, I think.  We panicked when we saw you drive up.” 

Mostly true, I thought to myself, hoping she would buy it.

She looked at me for a second.  I felt like a mouse being stared down by a cat.  She came over and sat right next to me on the bed, and put her hand on my thigh.  It felt nothing like when Julie touched me, and I pulled my leg away.

“Listen, I won’t say anything to Julie about this,” she said. 

I turned to look at her, wondering what she meant.  The next thing I knew she was kissing me.  I pushed her off with my forearm, and stood up, moving away from her like she was aflame.

“What are you doing?” I asked in a quiet but urgent voice.  I wiped my mouth with my hand.

“What are you doing?” she asked back.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?  I’m with Julie!”

“So what?  I told you, I won’t tell her.”

“I thought you meant – I thought – oh, it doesn’t matter.  I’m with Julie,” I repeated.

“I heard you the first time,” Becky said acerbically.

“So why did you just kiss me, then?  I thought you two were friends!”

“We are.”

I was really confused now.  This was how friends acted when it came to kissing?  Somehow I didn’t think so.

“Why are you doing this then?” I asked her.

“She won’t care,” Becky said simply.

“What?  Of course she would!”

“She won’t, because she did it to me!” said Becky.  Her voice suddenly got defensive and unsteady.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.

There was a knock at the door.  My heart stopped for a second.

“Who is it?” I said.

“It’s me!” I heard Julie say through the door.  I panicked for a moment, wondering what to do. 

It was impossible to do anything but let her in.  I doubted Becky would go out the window as willingly as Julie had, although the thought of throwing her out of it crossed my mind briefly.

“Come in,” I said, finally.

She opened the door.  Her smile melted into a frown when she saw Becky sitting on my bed, and me standing in my boxers by the window.

“What’s going on?” she asked.  The suspicion in her voice was clear. 

It was a good question.  What was going on?

“Matt and I were just hanging out,” said Becky, before I could speak up.

“Oh.  Why was the door closed?” 

Julie looked at me.  I stood there lamely. 

“Becky closed it when she came in,” I said. 

I felt like a kid telling on someone, but I couldn’t really afford to pretend that Julie would believe anything else.

Julie seemed unsure what to do.  She looked back and forth between Becky and me.  Then she turned and started walking down the hallway.  I ran after her and caught her arm.

“Hey, where are you going?” I asked quietly.

“I’m leaving,” she said, pushing me aside.

“Why?”

“Why do you think?” she said, stopping and glaring at me.  Wetness was brimming in her eyes.

“I don’t know,” I said.  “Nothing is going on.  I can explain.”

“Explain what?”

“Come back into the room,” I pleaded.

“No.”

“I was just telling Becky that you and me were together,” I whispered.  “Didn’t you tell her last night?  I think she was hitting on me.”

“Duh.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“All yesterday she was hitting on you.”

I let out a breath.  “Come back to the room,” I repeated quietly.

“I don’t want to see her right now.”

“All right, all right.  Um... Can you wait out on the beach for me?  I’ll tell her to leave.”

Julie looked at me for a second, unsure.

“Please.  I’ll be right out,” I pleaded.

Julie nodded slowly and walked away. 

I took a deep breath, and then went back into my room.  Becky was sitting on my bed still, smoothing the sheets.  Petting them.

“I think you should leave now,” I said to her. 

She just sat there and stared blankly at me for a moment, and then got up and walked out of my room. 

I put on some shorts and a t-shirt, and sat on my bed for a second, collecting my thoughts.  Somehow what had been an unexpectedly good summer trip was about to end in a nightmare.  Obviously something was going on between Becky and Julie, and somehow I had been whipped up in the middle of it.  I wasn’t sure if I could still salvage my last night with Julie, but I had to try.

When I walked out to the porch, I let out a curse.  Becky was down on the beach, and she and Julie were talking animatedly.  I hurriedly walked out to them.  Julie had her back to me, and if Becky saw me coming she didn’t show it.  Lara and James were out in the water watching, but too far away to hear anything.

“…I know that!  But I told you last night I was with him,” I heard Julie say as I got within earshot.

“No, you said you liked him,” answered Becky.

“So what?  I didn’t feel like telling you everything,” Julie said angrily.  “This is about John, isn’t it?”

“No.” 

“Then why did you come over…” 

Becky looked at me for a split second, perhaps inadvertently, but it was enough; Julie caught her glance and stopped to turn and look at me.  She looked angry, so I approached cautiously.  There was a long moment of tense stillness.

Finally Becky let out a big breath.  “I’m going home now,” she said.  “Bye, Matt.”

She walked past us and towards the road.  Julie stood there until Becky had gone, and then she slumped down to the sand and let out a burst of tears.  I sat next to her and put a tentative arm around her.  She leaned against me sobbing.  At least she was letting me hold her, I thought.  I didn’t know what to say just yet, so I stayed quiet until her crying subsided some. 

Becky… The stupid girl had ruined my vacation…  unless I could fix things.  Becky was probably not going to come back, so maybe I could have tonight with Julie.

“Julie, I’m really sorry about this,” I said.  I measured my words carefully.  “I was chilling on my bed when she came in and closed the door.  I don’t even know how she got here.  She wanted to go eat lunch with me, but I told her I couldn’t.”

Julie listened, letting out an occasional sniff.

“Then I told her that you and me were together.  She seemed a little surprised.  Then she...”  I debated whether to tell her that Becky knew about us being in her house.

“Then she came over and sat on the bed,” I continued, “and put her hand on my leg.  So I stood up and that’s when you knocked.”

I felt my stomach twist a bit as I left out the kissing part as well.  But I couldn’t tell her that; I didn’t know what she would say.

We sat in silence for a while, each thinking our thoughts, and wondering about each other’s.

“So what’s going on?” I asked.

Julie took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  When she spoke, she seemed to be measuring her words as well.

“Earlier in the summer there was this party, and we were all really drunk.  I fooled around with this guy.  It was no big deal.  But I guess Becky had a crush on him, and I think she is mad at me for that.”

I figured that this must be the “John” I had heard mentioned a few times now.

“I think she is mad,” I said, “because in my room she said something like ‘Julie did it to me’ and I didn’t know what she was talking about.”

 “What did she say I did to her?” she asked, fear touching her voice.

I paused for a moment.  This seemed to be the opportunity to definitively rid Becky from the evening’s plans.  “She didn’t say, but she was, um… when she was coming onto me, I told her I was with you, and she said you wouldn’t mind if I was with her for lunch.  And stuff.”

“And stuff?”

“She said something about her parents being out.  I don’t know what she meant, but maybe she wanted to get back at you for something.”

“I can’t believe her!” said Julie, the heat returning to her voice.  “I didn’t know she had a crush on… this guy, until after we fooled around.  What a bitch!”

Now I just hoped she wasn’t mad at me, and maybe the day would be salvaged.

“Yeah, it was really weird and awkward,” I said.  “I’m sorry about what happened, but believe me, nothing happened.  I never would be interested in Becky to start with.  I just want to be with you today.”

Julie looked up at me with wet eyes.  “I’m sorry, too.  I wish you hadn’t gotten caught up in the middle of it.  I didn’t know Becky would be so… weird about it!”

She looked off across the ocean for a few moments, seeing an old memory.

“So can we forget about it and have fun today?” she finally said.

“Sure, that would be great.” 

A wave of relief spread through me as we stood up and hugged.  For a long time, we just held each other.  At last, Julie pulled away, and the fear and anger was gone from her eyes.

She gave me a gentle kiss. 

“So what’s going to happen after tomorrow?” she asked me seriously.

“I don’t know.”  It was an honest answer.

“Will you write to me?” she asked.

“Of course I will.”

“Are you going to visit your aunt any time before next summer?”

“I don’t know.  They usually come up for Christmas.” 

Her eyes lit up slightly.

“For three weeks,” I added. 

“Oh, yeah.”  Julie looked down at the sand.  I lifted her chin up.

“No promises, but maybe I can convince my folks to come down for winter break, instead,” I said.

“That’s a long time from now,” Julie pouted.

“I know.  But with school, and how far it is, I don’t think they’ll drive me down just for a weekend.”

“Yeah, I know.”

My good mood was evaporating again, with talk of my impending departure.  From the porch, Aunt Beth called out lunch.

“Let’s just enjoy the day,” I said.  “We’ll figure the rest out later.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a downer,” Julie said sadly.

“No, you’re not.  I’ve been thinking about it too, but I can’t make any promises about coming down here.”

“I know.  I guess we’ll just see what happens, then.”

We kissed again and went up into the house to eat, after waving Lara and James in.

After lunch, the four of us went out on a bike ride.  It was good to clear my head and get some air, and have some lighthearted fun.  For some reason Lara and James didn’t ask about the scene between Julie and Becky on the beach, but I had a feeling Lara already knew what it was about. 

By the time we got home that afternoon I was happy and excited about the evening ahead.  There had been no call from Becky, so only a few details remained to be ironed out.  The first I took care of while Julie went home to change.  I took James aside when Lara was peeing and he had two rubbers for me. 

The second detail was figuring out what to do that evening.  Well, more like where to do what we wanted to do.  From the lusty kisses and looks Julie had been giving me all afternoon, it was clear that we were going to need to be alone somewhere.  And James had peeled the two rubbers off of a five pack, so he was thinking of doing the same thing with Lara. 

I had asked him about the tennis courts, and he said there was plenty of room, but to bring a blanket if we went.  For lack of any other idea, I packed a bag with a thick blanket and the condoms, and figured that unless a better place presented itself, we’d go to the courts.

The evening meal seemed to drag on forever.  Finally, after dinner we excused ourselves to go to the beach.  I had stashed my bag out in the grass to avoid having to walk past the adults with it.  I didn’t quite know why I felt like I had to hide it, but I couldn’t imagine walking out and being asked about the bag.  Well, I could imagine it.

“What’s in the bag, Matt?”

“Oh, nothing, Mom.  Just rubbers and a blanket for Julie to lie on while we have sex.”

No, hiding it outside was definitely the way to go.

The four of us walked towards the tennis courts, passing a bottle of whiskey around, almost by habit now.  I felt a chill, even though it was quite hot out.  My stomach was feeling a bit nervous, and the pent-up energy was making me jittery.  We didn’t have much time; my parents expected us back early since we were leaving early the next morning.  We walked quickly, all of us sensing the need to maximize our time alone.

When we got to the courts, James and Lara headed off into the darkness.  I stood for a moment, looking at the grounds.  There were several dark areas, so I picked one on the other side of the courts from where they had gone.  I took Julie’s hand and we walked over in silence.  When we got to the grass, it was quite dark.  The trees and a rock wall kept the streetlights and resort illumination off of us.  Unless someone walked right over us, we couldn’t be seen.  But we would see someone coming clearly. 

It was a brilliant location, I thought.

“Is this all right?” I asked Julie.

“Yeah, it’s great,” she said softly.

I pulled out the blanket and spread it over the thick grass.  Julie sat down on it.  I sat down and realized I could barely see her in the darkness.  Okay, maybe not that brilliant, I thought.  There was a quiet sense of urgency as I reached for her hand.

Julie pushed me back onto the ground, and then bent down to kiss me.  Her right hand snaked down my chest and under my shorts.  My penis hardened up quickly at her touch.  She stroked me gently, increasing the heat in her kissing. 

I worked her tank top up and over her head.  As I felt around for her bathing suit top, I realized she wasn’t wearing one.  I got a chill, thinking of her sitting at the dinner table again without anything but her tank top on. 

I caressed her breasts, working my fingers in circles until I spiraled in to her nipples.  Julie continued to stroke me.  I was worried about getting too excited too quickly, so I pushed her off and rolled her onto her back.

“I’m ready,” she said in the darkness.

I wasn’t sure that I was, but then again there wasn’t much time to play around.

Julie was moving around, taking off her shorts.  I took off my clothes, and then fumbled around in the bag for the two condoms.  For a moment, I thought I’d forgotten to pack them after all, and panic started to set in.  Then my fingers found the slick wrappers, and I pulled them out with relief.

I separated them, and then tried to open one.  After much futile pulling, I finally used my teeth to rip the wrapper open.  The condom was slimy and I almost dropped it.  I had a general idea of how to use it, but in the dark I was having trouble figuring out which end was the right one.  I forced it over my penis.  It didn’t feel like it was on quite right, but it was as good as it was going to get.

At that moment, I realized that I was really nervous.

As I knelt there, I couldn’t see Julie, or myself for that matter.  The whole thing seemed so rushed. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Julie after I didn’t do anything for a few moments.

“Nothing, just making sure this thing is on right.  I think it’s okay now.”

Julie reached out to me and found my hand, and pulled me down on top of her.  She parted her legs and I settled in between them.  She reached down and guided me to her opening.  I was tensed up in a half-pushup, trying not to crush her.

“Okay,” she whispered.

I lowered myself, and felt my penis slowly enter her.  It wasn’t quite like I had remembered it when we were at Becky’s house, but I figured the condom somehow was lessening the feeling.  I paused about halfway in, wondering if it was hurting her.  I couldn’t see her reaction, I realized.  In response, Julie pulled me down onto her, and I penetrated her some more.  I was still propped up on my hands.

“It’s all right, you won’t crush me,” she said, sensing my tension.

“Oh, okay, sorry.”  I let myself down onto her some more.  I slowly started moving in and out of her.  She responded by moving her hips in rhythm with my pumping.  As we started increasing our pace, Julie started hugging me to her tightly, and was breathing harder into my neck. 

I was having a hard time getting into the moment.  The condom felt strange, almost uncomfortable.  It pulled on me in a weird way, almost pinching, and I felt like it caught before I could push all the way in.  The darkness was disconcerting, too; I couldn’t see Julie’s expressions at all.  Despite her assurance, I was still tense from trying not to put my full weight on her, and my shoulders were starting to protest the angle. 

I kept up the rhythm and Julie was starting to let out quick moans every time I pushed into her.  I let out a quiet “Shh” to remind her where we were, as I looked around briefly.

All too soon it was over.  I thrust into her and came into the rubber.  Julie sensed my climax and responded by hugging me tightly as her breathing subsided.

“Wow,” she breathed.  “That was incredible!”

“Yeah, it was,” I lied.

I felt detached from my body.  Nothing like the warm and close horniness I had shared with Julie at Becky’s house.  I pushed myself up off of her, and knelt up, stretching out my back and shoulders.  Somehow I thought the first time having real sex would have been better, but it felt awkward and distant.

“Come here,” said Julie.

I lay down on the blanket next to her, and she pulled up to my side, draping her arm over my chest.  We were silent for a while. 

She seemed to be peaceful and sated, while I felt like I was late for an airplane.  It was a difficult contrast to deal with, so I sat up again, my head spinning.

“What time is it?” I said, trying to read my watch in vain.

“I don’t know.  Do you think we should go back?”

“I guess… I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Truthfully, I didn’t think we needed to be home for a while yet, but I didn’t want to be there anymore.  I felt naked in more ways than one, as we put our clothes on and packed up the blanket.

It actually was later than I had thought, but not late enough to cause any problems.  The walk back was quiet.  Julie gave me some smiles, which I forced myself to return.  I started wondering what was wrong with me.  I had a beautiful girl that wanted to be with me.  This was better than something out of a dream.  Yet I felt like holing up in my room.  It seemed like a terrible end to the vacation...

At the house, Lara and James weren’t back yet.  I noticed this with some slight jealousy.  Julie and I sat on the porch couch, and she made some small talk, which I limply participated in.  When she started talking about what would happen after I left, I told her I wasn’t sure what would happen, and didn’t want to talk about it.  I made an excuse that I was very tired, when she asked if anything was wrong.

Eventually, Julie had to leave.  I walked her to her house.  Things went by as if I was in a fog.  Before I knew it, I had kissed her goodnight and turned to walk home.   She was going to come over in the morning and see us off.

On the way home, I wondered exactly when the evening had gone from eager anticipation, to anxious detachment.

Lara was back when I got home from walking Julie to her place.  I could tell by her face that she and James had had a good time.  Her eyes were dancing, and her hair was a bit too mussed up for just a quickie. 

“You look really tired,” she said to me.  She leaned in and whispered to me, “A good tired, I’m guessing?”

I just shrugged. 

Lara frowned at me.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said testily. 

I was getting a little tired of people asking me that.

“You don’t sound –”

“I’m fine,” I repeated, unable to control my tone.

Lara put her hands up, and backed off.  “Okay, sorry.” 

“I have to finish packing,” I said, moving past her and going to my room.

After I closed the door, I sat on the bed for a long time.  My body was tired, but inside I felt like I’d had too much caffeine.  There was nothing to do except go to bed, since I had already packed earlier that day.  I didn’t fall asleep for a long while. When I did, it was a restless sleep. It was full of lonely thoughts, with echoes of someone telling me not to rush things.  It was sleepless sleep…

Forward to Chapter 5

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