ADULTS ONLY

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Copyright 2004 Rachael Ross all rights reserved.

Girl Fag
by Rachael

Chapter Twenty Three


The closer it got to six o’clock the longer I had to wait. Or so it seemed. I was looking forward to going to Julie’s house than almost anything I could ever remember. My afternoon classes seemed to crawl by. Even shop class, which normally went pretty quick for me, just seemed to drag on.

Football practice was even worse though, as there wasn’t any clock handy. Normally that might be a good thing, since watching the clock was sorta like torture, but I found that not knowing how much time had passed was pretty much torture too. It didn’t help that the practice wasn’t all that much fun either, since Coach was pretty unhappy about Brian’s eye. I guess having depth perception was kind of important if you were gonna play quarterback and throw the ball. It kinda came in handy avoiding people that wanted to tackle you too. The good thing was that we’d be doing a lot of running during our game on Saturday, just because of Brian’s bad eye. So that’s what we were practicing.

It kept me busy anyway and by the time practice was over I was pretty worn out. That didn’t matter much though, the idea of spending a whole night with Julie and Jane was enough to keep my adrenaline up and I might have been a little tired, but I didn’t notice it. I didn’t even bother taking a shower after practice was over, I just wanted to get home because that was the next milestone on my little journey to Beaverton, you know? I think I rode my bike home in record time.

Greg was fixing dinner when I walked through the kitchen, lasagna, which was like his specialty or something, and he made it pretty good. It was just pretty messy because he liked to spread that ricotta cheese around with his fingers. It always looked sorta gross when he was preparing it, but it sure tasted good when it came out of the oven. He always put some spicy Italian sausages at the bottom of the pan, with chopped broccoli and black olives spread out between the layers. I almost wished I was staying home to eat some, but I wasn’t. Jane was going to pick me up at seven after she’d gotten home and changed after her cheerleading practice.

“Hey, Ann.” Greg glanced at me. “You gotta call Jane.”

“I gotta?” I grinned at him, I was a little winded cause I’d rode my bike fast. “Cool, thanks.” I dropped my bag and reached for the phone.

“Some other guy called too, Dad talked to him.”

“Who was that?” I asked, dialing Jane’s number.

“I dunno, pops didn’t say.” Greg shrugged. “You still going to Beaverton?”

“Oh yeah.” I smiled, waiting for Jane to answer.

“Hello?” A voice answered and it took me a second to realize it was Sherry.

“Hi, is Jane there?” I asked. Jane and Sherry each had their own phones in their own bedrooms, which must have been really nice, I thought.

“Ann? Yeah, she’s in the shower. What’s up?” Sherry’s voice was soft and I could picture her sitting on Jane’s bed smiling.

Part of me wondered if they’d been fooling around maybe, but it didn’t really make me jealous or anything. They were sisters anyway, so it wasn’t like she was cheating on me if they had, plus I knew for a fact the did. Just like Jane knew I fooled around with my brothers, it was just one of those things that we didn’t really pay a lot of attention about.

“I just got home, Greg told me she called, so…” I let my voice trail off.

“Oh, yeah, it’s no big deal. She just wanted to let you know we’d be over at seven, just in case you forgot.” Sherry laughed because she probably knew there was no way I’d forget something like that.

“Oh, you’re coming too?” I asked, not meaning it to sound like a bad thing, except it was a little confusing. 

“Well, yeah.” Sherry giggled. “I’m giving you guys a ride, right? I sorta need my car. Jane said you guys were gonna ride back with that what’s-her-name in the morning anyway, do some riding.”

“Julie, yeah.” I nodded cause all of that made sense. “Okay, thanks.”

“You didn’t think I was gonna hit on your girlfriend, did ya?” Sherry teased me.

“Ummmm…” I giggled, but in truth it had been a thought that had just briefly gone through my mind. Just for a second when she’d said ‘we’. I liked Sherry okay, but I still had a hard time trusting her, you know?

“Yeah, yeah…” Sherry laughed, like she knew what I was thinking. “So how’s everything working out for you and Jane, anyway?”

“I’m happy.” I shrugged at the phone, not really knowing what to say to that. Everything was really fine so far as I was concerned.

“Yeah, so’s she.” Sherry said. “That’s cool. Hey is Mark there? Or David?”

“Mmm, I don’t know, hold on.” I looked at Greg. “You seen Mark or David?”

“Yeah, David’s here, out in the garage with pops.”

“Can you go get him?” I asked, but Greg held up his hands, covered with white cheese and red tomato sauce. “David’s here, but he’s in the garage.” I told Sherry.

“Oh, that’s okay, Jane’s here. See ya later.” Sherry said and then she was handing the phone to her sister.

“Hey, I was just taking a shower.” Jane said.

“Yeah, I heard.” I smiled to myself. “You ready for tonight?”

“Uh-huh, what do you want me to wear?” She lowered her voice, just a little. “Something sexy? Or something naughty?”

“Ohhh…” I laughed. “Uh, something Julie’s parents will like.”

“Well, yeah.” Jane giggled. “I meant underneath.”

“Whatever you wear is gonna be sexy.” I told her, turning away from Greg’s sudden grin as he listened to me. “So, go with naughty.” I laughed.

“God, I can’t wait to fuck you.” Jane sighed and I blushed a little, even though I was just listening to her on the phone. “Don’t forget your thingy.”

“My thingy?” I giggled at her. “You are being naughty. I might have to spank you later.”

“Promise?” Jane was giggling too.

“Yeah, I promise. I gotta get a shower though, seven o’clock right?”

“Yeah.” Jane agreed. “Or maybe sooner if I can get Sherry’s butt moving.”

I heard some laughter in the background as we said our goodbyes and I took a deep breath, feeling better and better all the time.

I went up to my room, dragging my bag behind me, and got a real shock. Well a couple shocks actually. The first was my brother Henry, who was known for being a little aggravating sometimes, and sort of weird other times. Steve thought Henry had been mixed up at the hospital, you know, switched with some other baby. But he pretty much looked like all my brothers, except Scott, so that wasn’t too likely. I was of the opinion that he’d just got dropped once, maybe twice, and it had hurt his brain. Not made him stupid, just different from the rest of us.

“Oh shit!” Henry said when I opened the door and the only reason he got to say that much was because I was mostly speechless.

He was scrambling to hide himself, but it wasn’t doing him much good. He was lying on my bed, which wasn’t that strange really, and he was jerking off, which was maybe a little strange, considering most of my brothers seemed to do it in the shower, but I didn’t really know that much about it anyway. The really weird thing though was that he’d been jerking off with my underwear, which were boys underwear, the briefs I’d worn during my period. He had them wrapped around his cock and when I’d come in I’d seen his hand wrapped around the white cotton, gripping his penis underneath.

Henry was sitting up now; both hands in his lap, trying to cover up what he’d been doing and pressing my underwear to his crotch. It actually looked pretty funny, but I found it a little embarrassing too I mean, those were my briefs, not his and actually they coulda been anyone’s, since all of my brothers had at least a couple pairs of white briefs. But my underwear drawer was still open and obviously Henry had been digging through it.

“I…I thought you were going to Beaverton or something.” He was red faced and I wondered how much of that was humiliation and how much was excitement from beating off.

“What are you doing?” I asked, ignoring his question. “Is that my underwear?”

“Uhhh…” Henry swallowed nervously.

Then I got my second shock, which was a real shock too. Catching Henry jerking off, even in my bed with my boy’s underwear was weird, but maybe not really shocking. Finding a big white box on top of my dresser with a red ribbon and a small card was something else altogether.

“What’s that?” I looked back at Henry and he just shrugged.

The box was long, like a foot and a half maybe, but not all that wide or deep. It wasn’t my birthday or anything, and it didn’t look like the sort of box that would ever hold anything I might want, except maybe a big ratchet wrench or something. A strap wrench, that would be handy, but when I picked it up it was really light and didn’t make any sound at all when I gave it a little shake. I was suspicious, actually, although the only reason I had to be was that I sorta had an idea of what a box like that would hold.

“Open the card.” Henry suggested, and he was moving, deciding this was a good time to put on some clothes and go find someplace else to be busy until I really was gone to Beaverton. He left my briefs on my bed and slipped out the door as I opened the small envelope.

It was printed with fancy lettering that was supposed to look like handwriting, but wasn’t. “I hope you forgive me. Thinking of you always, Levi” was what it said, and I stared at that for about 10 seconds before I could even begin to think about it. I opened the box, sliding the ribbon off carefully, and there were 12 long stemmed roses, still cool from the refrigerator they’d been stored in, red as blood and tucked in with just a little baby’s breath around the stems. I just looked at them for awhile.

Nobody had ever given me flowers before.

I didn’t really want to think about Levi very much. But it was sorta hard not to. I mean besides the flowers which had made my heart thump for some reason, which I thought was really seriously girly, he was pretty beautiful. I’d almost given him my cherry and for just about another 10 whole seconds, looking at those flowers and feeling decidedly girly inside, I sort of wished I had let him do it to me. If he’d been there, delivering those flowers himself instead of having the FTD truck do it, I might have asked him to do just about anything he wanted to do to me.

I took a deep breath and shook my head a little, blinking my eyes and putting the top back on that box. “Flowers.” I laughed at myself, looking in the mirror of my dresser and trying to see the girl in me. She was hiding though, inside I figured, because outside I was a boy, so long as I kept my clothes on. But my hair was getting a little long, about to start covering my ears. And my blue eyes looked kind of pretty maybe, so I squinted, trying to look like Blondie in the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Nobody ever gave Clint Eastwood flowers, I bet.

I got undressed in front of my mirror, pulling off my shirts first and looking at myself with just pants on, naked from the waist up. I don’t know why, I was totally wasting time, but I hadn’t looked at myself, I mean really looked hard, in a long time. Maybe even never. Levi Smith, just about the most handsome football player on the planet, had sent me flowers. And not just any flowers, a dozen long stemmed roses. My nipples were hard and I wanted to open the box again, just for a minute. I looked at it and then I looked at me. My boobs weren’t getting smaller.

No matter what me and Coach were doing, I had some real girly tits now. They just had some muscle underneath so it looked like they’d grown even faster. My nipples were darker than I remembered, but they were hurting too, like someone was pinching them hard. The rings weren’t doing that, they were just laying there against my skin, it was thinking about Levi. I touched my breasts, just a little and that made me suck a hard breath. Girly tits.

I removed my pants, kicking off my boots and pulling my legs out of them and then my boxers too. I looked down and took off my socks as well, getting as naked as I could get. If I was gonna look, well, I was gonna look at everything. I got those flowers and I knew Levi liked boys. He was a total fag, but not totally. I had to remind myself that he liked boys who looked like girls, and then he’d decided he probably liked girls who looked like boys too. Levi Smith liked me and I wanted to know why.

I had hips. I frowned, because I didn’t really remember having hips a couple weeks before when I’d stood on my bed, balancing and trying on my new football pants for the first time. I had a butt, yeah, the same round firm white butt I had now. But hips? I didn’t remember those very much. I had muscles on my stomach now and they looked good when I tightened my tummy, but that just made my hips look even more round. I was a girl now, even if I had a dick, a real one hanging down, I’d still look like a girl with my boobs and my hips and that sort of sounds silly, I mean thinking about having a dick. But I thought about that a lot, actually, so it wasn’t all that silly to me. Just kind of sad.

I didn’t have a dick, all I had was my girly pussy. I had some blonde hair, curly and soft, just at the top. A little more maybe than I’d had when Matt had been looking at me so close. But it wasn’t that much, I could see the top of my slit down there, and when I spread my thighs a little and looked down, pulling my flesh with my fingers I could see my lips and everything. It looked like Jane’s, I thought, except she was very pretty down there. I was just, average maybe. That made me giggle, for no real reason except I felt stupid thinking I had an average looking pussy.

No matter what though, looking at my body like that, I had to know I wasn’t a boy. I mean I knew it before, but I’d ignored it mostly. People would say stuff, and I’d just shrug it off. Somebody called me a girl, and I’d think, they just didn’t know the real me, that’s all. Or I’d get some of those feelings, you know, like I was a girl and that little voice would talk to me, making me feel like I wanted to be a girl, and I’d get mad and try to ignore it. But I didn’t hear any voice now, there was just me in my head, just me in the mirror, and I had to tell myself I was a girl.

My thighs were nice, but they weren’t a boy’s thighs. Nor my knees or calves. I didn’t have any hair that I could see, not even a short one. Matt had hair on his legs already, just a little. Lance did too. I didn’t. Some girls at school did, well, one girl at school, but she was sort of hairy anyway. Her name was Meredith and she was okay I guess, she never bothered me, but I’d heard some of the other girls, Wendy for one, calling her Sasquatch, because Meredith had a lot of hair on her arms and legs. Big eyebrows too. If I’d been Meredith that day, I’d have punched Wendy right in the nose.

I didn’t have boy legs.

I guess I shoulda been sad about that. Since inside, I was a boy. Maybe now more than ever, because I was looking at my body and thinking I was kinda cute. I’d go out with me. I’d have sex with me, I thought. And my nipples itched and burned even more and all that looking and touching had made my sex sort of hot too. Now, trying to imagine making love to myself, which I figured was probably some kind of sin but I didn’t know what, I wished I knew what to do. I mean I was always pretty practical. I’d been raised that way, you worked hard, treated people fair, and fixed what was broke. That was life in a nutshell the way my daddy taught it to his boys. Some of us got it better than others and I reckon maybe I’d learned it best of all.

I wasn’t broke. Not on the outside, so why was I tryin so hard to fix it? What was it Scott and Steve had told me? I should be a girl on the outside and do whatever I wanted on the inside? Something like that, but I hadn’t been in a listening mood back then. I’d been like a little kid still. And they’d been wrong anyway, sorta, because I was standing there now and I knew I was gonna look like a girl on the outside no matter what I did. I couldn’t not look like a girl, just like I couldn’t not feel like a boy on the inside.

My clit was hard and I looked at it. I mean I sat down on the floor, spread my legs, and looked at it. This was my body, but it was like looking at a stranger. I’d seen it before, but I hadn’t really seen it. My clit was about as big as my pinky fingernail, sort of pushed out and throbbing. Looking at myself, and getting turned on by it was so weird. I touched it, just a little and it put a little shiver in my blood. I’d more or less hated my clit, but I didn’t hate her right then. It wasn’t my clit’s fault I didn’t have a penis.

I flicked it a couple times, just a little and it was good like that. I’d rubbed myself before, but only reluctantly, this time I was doing it because I wanted to. I stroked it with the tip of my finger, and that felt good too. My pussy was moist inside, I could feel it, a little wet and buttery, the muscles in there sort of fluttering a little. I put my fingers to my slit, wishing I had a hand mirror, just so I could really see myself, but all I could do was feel. I put my finger inside, just a little, swallowing hard as I felt my labia spreading around it. I went in just a little, just past the first knuckle before I felt my hymen there. It didn’t feel like much really, just a soft little wall. It didn’t hurt when I touched it, but I wasn’t pushing too hard or anything.

I bit my bottom lip, thinking maybe I should push really hard. Maybe just break it. I wanted to all of a sudden, and I didn’t know why. I mean it didn’t really mean anything to me. I wasn’t thinking I should save it for Prince Charming, or my wedding night, or for just in case a big asteroid was gonna hit the earth and I wanted to do something really important before everything closed for the winter. I just wanted to do it, but I didn’t. I just went back to rubbing myself and I wasn’t thinking about having sex with anybody. I wasn’t thinking about kissing, or hugging, or the color of Jane’s eyes, or the way Julie’s skin was so white. I wasn’t thinking about sex at all.

I was just thinking about me.

There was a knock on my door, about the same time it was opening. “hey, you ready? Sherry’s downstairs and…oh…wow…” Jane giggled and stood there staring at me.

I was naked as the day I was born, sprawled on the thin carpet of my bedroom, rubbing my sex and really close to cumming again. I’d cum like 5 times and it was pretty intense. I’d found out I really liked doing it, once I realized it was okay to have a girl’s body. My boy brain didn’t seem to mind all that much, because I was totally getting off. Probably I was sick or something, I mean with some weird fever that made you have strange dreams. I felt feverish, hot all over like I was burning up, and I could barely breathe, and my heart was running wild.

Jane closed the door and I tried to sit up, blushing a little and smiling weakly. I wasn’t exactly embarrassed, but only because it was Jane and she wasn’t embarrassed at all. If anyone else had caught me, I didn’t want to think about it. I was glad it was Jane.

“I’m a girl.” I told her, giggling because that made no sense.

“I know.” She grinned. “First time?”

“Uhhh…” I had to think about that. I’d masturbated before, but that had been different. I’d done everything I could to pretend I was playing with a boy’s body before, this time it had been just me, the real me.

“Nevermind.” Jane shook her head. If she thought I was weird for frigging myself like that, she didn’t act like it. Jane acted like it was perfectly normal, but maybe it was for her. She probably masturbated like 6 times a day or something. It seemed like every time I called her she was doing it.

“Oh wow, what’s this?” Jane saw the box and she opened it, taking a sharp breath. “Roses? They’re beautiful, God…” She looked at the card. “Levi Smith? The pants guy?”

I laughed and shook my head, getting slowly to my feet. “No, he’s a football player.” I shrugged. “I sorta…met him.” I didn’t really know what to say.

“Did you forgive him yet?” Jane looked at me, and I couldn’t tell if she was serious or teasing me. “Anybody gives you a dozen long stemmed roses, you forgive him.” She smiled and then finally gave me a hug and I kissed her, like I’d wanted to since she walked through the door.

“Do you want them?” I asked Jane, nodding my head towards the dresser. “The flowers?”

“Used flowers?” Jane giggled. “You’re still a guy too, Ann. No, I don’t want your flowers. Now hurry up and get dressed, Sherry’s gonna have a fit.”

“I need a shower.” I hadn’t even washed up after football practice and now I probably reeked of sex. My thighs were damp, my fingers sticky, even the crack of my butt had juices running down it.

“No you don’t, you smell great.” Jane laughed.

“You’re kidding.” I stared at her.

“Yeah, I am. Go take a shower. A quick one!” She was practically pushing me out the door, naked and everything. I just dashed to the bathroom.

“Hey, you should give those roses to Julie.” Jane said as soon as I came back from my 3 minute shower.

She was holding up my strap-on dildo and laying on my bed. She wore old comfortable blue jeans, faded almost white, that hugged her tight in some places and loose in others. I especially liked the way she hadn’t bothered with a belt, so that they rode very low on her hips, showing off just a bit of the black lace panties she was wearing underneath. Above that she wore a loose sweatshirt that was much too big, but that was sexy somehow, the way it seemed more like she was naked under a blanket, than wearing clothes. But Jane was sexy wearing anything.

“Hey, somebody coulda seen that!” I said, thinking of my dad, but he wouldn’t just open my door anyway, I didn’t think.

“So?” Jane looked at me and then grinned. “I’d just say it was mine.”

I rolled my eyes, trying not to giggle as I found some clothes to wear and some more clothes to bring for the sleepover. “Still, if my dad saw it…”

“Your dad’s pretty hot.” Jane said.

“Yeah, right.” I laughed, pulling on some Joe Boxer’s with chili peppers on them. “I thought you didn’t like guys.”

“Well, you know what they say…” Jane said in a little sing song voice, “…a lesbian is just a girl who hasn’t met the right man.”

Like she believed that! I shook my head and pulled on some jeans.

“You’re gonna do it tonight, right?” Jane asked, dropping her voice only slightly. “Pop Julie?”

“Are you sure you’re not a guy?” I laughed again, she just made me feel too good and I never really knew what Jane was going to say.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I think so.” I was digging for a t-shirt, something kinda thick that would hide my perpetually hard nipples.

“Give her the roses then, seriously.” Jane nodded.

“You think? She won’t get pissed cause they’re used?” I was only teasing a little.

“Well, don’t tell her where you got ‘em!” Jane said like I was retarded. “Just say you picked them up on the way, believe me, it’ll help later.”

“Later?” I frowned, pulling on some socks.

“Yeah, she won’t feel a thing after that.” Jane grinned at me and I thought about that, figuring Jane probably knew what she was talking about. She wasn’t a virgin, that was for sure.

I stuffed clothes in my backpack, more than I needed just to make sure my dildo was covered up really well. Jane fixed the ribbon on the box of roses and said it was fine without a card; since I was gonna give them to Julie personally anyway.

“Ready, boyfriend?” Jane smiled and I looked around my room.

“Yeah.” I grinned. “Let’s go to Julie’s house.”

Sherry was downstairs and she wasn’t mad at all, even though she’d been waiting for almost 20 minutes. Mark and David were there to keep her company, and they were being good because our dad was there too.

“There they are.” David said, and I smiled a little sheepishly.

“Have a hard time getting’ dressed?” Mark grinned at me and I shot him a warning look.

“Hey Mr. Russet.” Jane smiled at my dad.

“Hi Jane.” My dad gave her a smile and I tried to see if there was anything there, just cause I was remembering what Jane had said. But she’d been fooling with me I was sure. “So you’re going to Beaverton, huh?” Daddy was looking at me. “You leave a phone number?”

“I will Daddy, right now.” I grabbed a pencil off the top of the refrigerator and wrote Julie’s phone number on one of the dozen scraps of paper that were held with magnets to the fridge.

“How you getting back?” Dad asked, speaking over Mark and David, who were talking with Sherry and Jane about something.

He wasn’t usually this concerned about a sleepover, but he didn’t know Julie or her parents at all, either. Plus he might have had some funny thoughts about me spending a night in my underwear with Jane, since I’d told him she was my girlfriend. I’d sorta worried that maybe dad wouldn’t let me go at all, but maybe he thought I needed some fun or something. I didn’t know, Daddy was always something of a mystery to me. The same way God is, I just always figured they both knew what they were doing.

“Julie’s parents are giving us a ride. They’re going riding at Jane’s tomorrow morning.” I shrugged.

“You getting on a horse?” Daddy smiled, he knew I wasn’t much of a cowboy.

“Yeah, I guess. So long as I make the football game.” I nodded.

“And don’t fall off and break your butt.” Mark laughed, interrupting me.

“Aw, I know how to ride a horse.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, just be good, huh? I don’t need no phone calls.” Daddy hugged me.

Jane sat in my lap while Sherry drove her Challenger. She was a better driver than Jane, at least, Mark and David had spent a lot of time teaching her. Almost as much time as they’d spent building that car, probably. They didn’t want to see anything happen to it. We weren’t even out of the big gravel drive before Jane was kissing me.

“Mmmm…I’ve missed you.” Jane sighed and kissed me again, accepting my tongue into her warm wet mouth. I’d missed her too. I brought my right hand up, squeezing her breast gently and making Jane squirm a little.

“So what’s this girl’s name?” Sherry asked, breaking my kiss with Jane.

“Julie.” I said, but I was still looking at Jane, wishing it wasn’t so dark in the car. I wanted to see her eyes right then.

“Ann’s going to break her cherry tonight.” Jane told her sister with a little sigh. “I get to watch.”

“Really?” Sherry glanced at me. “And who’s gonna break yours?” She was smiling at me.

“Jane.” I replied, without really thinking about it.

“Huh?” Jane gave a little gasp.

Sherry laughed, like she didn’t believe me, but I knew I was serious. I could have had anybody do it, I mean any girl could, right? I had enough friends, boys and girls, and maybe any one of them would have tried to do it whether I wanted them to or not. But thinking about Levi, and touching myself, feeling that bit of skin that really meant nothing except what I said it meant, I knew I wanted Jane to do it. I was in love with her. Even more than I was with Julie, I thought, but it was hard to tell because I loved them so differently. But Jane was the one I’d want to remember forever. If it was going to hurt, the way people said it did sometimes, then I wanted her to hurt me. The same way Julie wanted it to be me, I thought.

“Will you do it?” I asked Jane softly. “After Julie, will you do it for me?”

“Well, yeah.” She laughed.

“Why her?” Sherry shook her head, but maybe she was just being a little jealous. “You should get a guy to do it.”

“I’m not in love with a guy.” I giggled, holding Jane close so I could smell her soft blonde hair. “Besides, she could have done it before and didn’t.”

I didn’t really finish my thought, but probably I didn’t need to. Jane had pressed the tip of my dildo inside me once and all it would have taken was a little push, not much at all. Maybe that was the reason, as much as any other why I loved her so much. I could trust her. And that too reminded me of my relationship with Julie, when I’d been so close to taking her virginity until she’d asked me to stop.

It seems like that shouldn’t have been all that big of a deal, I mean deciding to give my cherry to Jane. But it was. My guy brain didn’t particularly care and never really had, except I didn’t want to be touched down there and having real boy-girl sex was definitely touching, right? Other than that, as a boy sex was sex and losing my virginity was something to be done as soon as possible. So I’d done that, as a boy, and sucked a penis and then been screwed in my butt and it hadn’t bothered my conscience one little bit. In fact I’d been pretty darn happy about it.

That was the difference maybe between boys and girls, I dunno. I was still getting used to being a girl, since I’d just made up my mind that I was a girl just that day. I couldn’t not be a girl and when it came to sex, it hadn’t just been the part of me that wanted to be a guy that was saying no. Like when Levi had tried to do it to me. I hadn’t been much of a boy at all right then, I’d been just about all girl, at least when it came time for kissing and stuff. When he’d tried to put his penis in me it wasn’t really the boy inside saying no, it was girl telling me that I wasn’t ready, that this wasn’t the right person.

I didn’t understand it, although sometimes it seemed like I almost did. So I was blaming it all on love, cause nobody understands that stuff anyway, I don’t think. All I knew for sure was that I loved Jane and I loved Julie. I loved my brothers too, but that was different, even though we had sex. I loved my best friends, but we didn’t have sex and I didn’t want to have sex with them, except maybe Kyle, but I figured we wouldn’t. We’d had our shot and kinda blew it. Jane and Julie were the ones I loved and wanted to love forever and my girl brain was telling me that made it okay to give them my cherry. And since I was gonna take Julie’s…Jane was the one I wanted to have mine.

I felt like I was going die just from being too much in love. Like my insides were too big for my body, I couldn’t hold it all in. It almost hurt like that, but Jane was kissing me and that made it bearable.

Sherry found Julie’s house okay, with me and Jane giving her directions. We pulled up out front and Jane got out of the car, sliding off me and Sherry turned off the engine and she was opening her door.

“What are you doing?” I asked Sherry, not really meaning to sound rude or anything.

“Huh?” She looked at me. “I wanna meet this girl.”

“Why?” I felt cloudy inside.

“Sherry…” Jane frowned a little.

“What?” Sherry laughed at us. “I just wanna see what the fuss is about.”

I looked at her doubtfully. Sherry always made me nervous, a little, and I didn’t really trust her a whole lot. Probably because she was one of those people I just couldn’t ever tell what she was thinking. I mean most people give you a pretty good clue what they’re about, but Sherry. She could be up to anything, or maybe nothing at all.

“I’ll be good, I swear. Five minutes!” She sighed theatrically. “Get your bags.”

I sure hoped Sherry was going to be good, but I really didn’t see how she could make too much trouble anyway. Julie’s parents were gonna be there and Julie loved me anyway, but Sherry…Maybe that’s all it was, kind of a jealousy thing. Sherry had been Jane’s girlfriend, as much as a sister, and that hadn’t really bothered me. Well, maybe a little I guess. So part of me was wondering if maybe Sherry wanted to see if Julie didn’t want someone older for a girlfriend. Someone dark and beautiful and kind of manipulating and devious and…I caught myself, rolling my eyes at myself. I was being paranoid.

“Well?” Sherry giggled, looking at me. We were standing on the front steps.

I pushed the doorbell, feeling a strange reluctance. But I was excited too, because when that door opened I was gonna see Julie and I’d been missing her so much!

“Hi.” It was Julie’s Dad, smiling. “Julie, your friend’s are here.” He called out. “Come on in…Hi Ann, hello Jane…” He stood aside as we all said our hellos and entered the house.

It was kinda weird saying hi to Julie’s dad when I’d been spending so much time thinking about having sex with his daughter. It almost made me blush, but I managed not to since I was busy introducing Sherry to him, and then to Julie’s mom who came into the room.

“Sherry, it’s nice to meet you.” They both said, smiling. “Are you staying over too?” Mr. Perry asked.

“Oh no, I have to get going. I just wanted to make sure the kids got here okay.” Sherry smiled and Jane and I just shook our heads. Jane especially, since Sherry wasn’t much older than her anyway, just a year or so.

“Hi!” Julie was coming down the stairs, smiling and looking breathtakingly beautiful to my eyes. She was just wearing a pair of cutoff denim shorts and a pink sweater, but her face and hair and eyes and mouth. I could barely breathe.

She came right up to me too, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “I thought you’d never get here!” She smiled at me and then at Jane, “Hi Jane, I was waiting forever it seemed like.”

I was kinda shocked and turning red from the kiss. I mean her parents were standing right there and I did blush then. But Julie’s parents were weird as ever, just smiling happily as if their only daughter having a girlfriend who looked like a boyfriend was the most normal thing in the world. I wondered if they’d write another book about it.

“Hi, I’m Sherry.” Jane’s sister held out her hand and Julie smiled.

“This is my sister.” Jane explained. “She gave us a ride over.”

“Oh, cool.” Julie nodded happily, holding Sherry’s hand for a second. “Thanks for bringing them. You wanna stay? Did you guys eat? We got like a ton of food, my mom sorta freaked out in the kitchen today.”

“Oh I did not.” Mrs. Perry laughed. “I just felt like baking.”

“Oh, no I have to go. My boyfriends are waiting for me.” Sherry grinned and I knew she’d put that little s on the end just to get a reaction.

“Boyfriends?” Julie asked and I was still blushing.

Why did everything in my life have to be so weird? We were standing in the middle of the living room, all six of us, talking about Sherry. I just wanted to sit down, or eat, or watch TV, or go upstairs to Julie’s room, or do something normal that people did on a sleepover. Not stand there talking about Sherry.

“Yeah, I have two.” Sherry nodded, looking at Julie. “Mark and David, Ann’s brothers.”

“Oh, you’re dating two of her brothers?” Julie’s mom almost giggled. “It must be hard to juggle two boys, dear.”

“No.” Sherry shook her head, looking like she was telling a great joke. “We all go out together, so it’s easy. They’re not jealous or anything. They like it.”

“Uh, hmmm…” Mr. Perry was nodding, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Bye Sherry.” Jane was frowning at Sherry, and almost pulling her towards the door.

“Uh, yeah…It was nice meeting you.” Sherry wasn’t resisting, maybe because she’d done what she set out to do. Embarrass me in front of my girlfriend and her parents.

“Nice meeting you too…Bye…Goodnight…” Everyone was saying goodbye to Sherry finally.

“You be good…” Sherry smiled at me and then looked at sister. “Especially you!” and then she giggled and left, Jane closing the door.

“Well, um, you’re sister is very…nice, Jane, isn’t she Roger?” Julie’s mom said.

“What? Uh, yeah, she’s very sweet.” Mr. Perry nodded.

“Oh, uh, I brought you some um…” I was holding the long white box and I just finally remembered it, although I’m sure everyone must have noticed.

“For me?” Julie face lit up with a smile. I just nodded, feeling my heart thumping and really hoping she wouldn’t think they were used or anything.

“Let’s sit down for a few minutes.” Mr. Perry suggested, which meant we had to of course.

“Oh my gosh!” Julie was opening the box with her mother standing next to her. Jane and I were just settling onto the sofa and Julie’s dad in one of the chairs.

“What have you got there?” Mr. Perry asked.

“Roses. They’re so beautiful!” Julie was lifting them out carefully while her mother took the empty box. “Oh, thank you!” Julie practically skipped across the living room and gave me a real kiss before I could do anything about it, her soft lips on mine and it lasted longer than my Daddy would have been comfortable with, I knew that. But it did leave me dizzy and smiling.

“Ahem.” Mr. Perry cleared his throat.

“Let me find a vase for those.” Mrs. Perry was saying. “They are lovely, aren’t they?”

Julie sat down next to me, very close, and I was blushing furiously under Mr. Perry’s gaze.

“So, I guess this is serious then.” Julie’s dad said, and I looked up, thinking I was probably in trouble now. This was going to be the shortest sleepover in history. “Well, I guess I already knew, the way Julie talks about you.”

“Dad…” Julie blushed a little and smiled at her father. I just sat there waiting for the shoe to fall.

“No, it’s okay, it’s important that girls your age are free to explore their, uh…feelings.” He was said, giving us a close lipped smile. “Does your father know about Julie, that she’s uh…well, she’s your girlfriend?”

“Um…” I had no idea what was going on. “I told him that I have a girlfriend, yeah.” I nodded, trying not to sound like I was avoiding his question. I mean I wasn’t lying, but I’d told Daddy about Jane, not Julie.

“Good, so he doesn’t have a problem with you and Julie sleeping together then.” He didn’t really ask it, he just said it, and I think my heart stopped while I tried to figure out what he meant. Jane too, I think, because her mouth just fell open a little before she remembered to close it.

“Aren’t these beautiful?” Mrs. Perry was back with a fancy crystal vase and the dozen roses inside it. She’d cut the stems a little, but it looked great. “I got this vase when we were married and I never get to use it.” She smiled, putting the flowers on the coffee table for us all to admire.

“I was just telling Ann that we’re very happy she’s spending the night with Julie.” Mr. Perry smiled at his wife. “And you too, Jane.” He gave Jane a little smile all her own.

“Oh, good.” Mrs. Perry nodded. “Don’t you girls worry about us, just be yourselves. We had a long talk with Julie about everything, didn’t we?”

“Yeah mom.” Julie nodded.

“Everything?” I asked, just because that word covered a lot of stuff and I was still trying to catch up with the part about sleeping with her.

“Uh-Hmmm…” Julie’s mom smiled. “Everything I could think of, did we forget anything, Roger?”

“No, I think we covered it.” Mr. Perry shrugged. “Julie’s a big girl now, she’s not our baby anymore and we’re just glad she found a girl like you, Ann. We’re very proud of her.”

“Oh.” These people were making me dizzy and I wondered if they were on drugs.

“We know you’ll be careful with her.” Julie’s mom giggled like she was in the eighth grade.

“Mo-om…” Julie rolled her eyes and I felt her hand on my leg. “You’re gonna embarrass us.”

“Oh, I’m sorry dear. You’re right, why don’t you take your friends upstairs, show them your room and I’ll get some dinner out for you guys, are you hungry?”

There was a brief second of awkward silence before we realized the parental chit-chat was done, although it had been nothing like any chit-chat I’d ever experienced. It was actually a relief to get away from Julie’s parents and the living room too; a part of me figured that part of the house would be haunted forever more with Sherry’s grinning ghost. 

“Sorry about my sister.” Jane was saying. “She’s kind of strange sometimes.”

“That’s okay. Sorry about my parents.” Julie shrugged and as soon as we were in her bedroom she was kissing me.

Julie pressed her body against mine, practically melting in my arms as I dropped my little backpack and held her tightly. Her lips parted for my tongue and she tasted so good, so sweet and fresh, I just wanted to drink her. It was a long wet kiss and Julie’s hands moved over my back and up to my short hair, caressing me until I was just burning inside and out.

“I missed you so much.” She breathed a moment later, her big dark eyes shining into mine.

“Me too.” I sighed, wondering if my heart would ever slow down again.

“Thank you for the flowers.” Julie was just whispering and kissing me again, it was a lot like heaven. “I want you to do it with me, right now. I’m so wet!” She was kissing my ear and pressing her body against me like she’d never let go.

“I do too.” I said, wondering if we really were going to do it right then. I had my hands on her ass, pulling the girl against me and all I could think of was how I wished I had a cock and it was in her.

We kissed another minute and Jane watched us, mostly forgotten, until she cleared her throat a little. I wondered if that was the limit of her patience with me and Julie, if it was she was going to be in trouble later because I was going to be spending a lot of time in Julie’s arms, I thought.

“And I missed you too, Jane.” Julie smiled at Jane and licked her lips.

I let the girl go so she could hug Jane and then they were kissing as well while I watched. It was strange and I didn’t really expect it, the way Julie didn’t hesitate at all. Jane didn’t seem very reluctant either and I seriously wondered why I didn’t feel jealous, but I didn’t. Not even a little, and I looked for it, but all I found was happiness really. Excitement too, they were both so beautiful like that.

There was a light rapping at the door and Mrs. Perry’s voice brought their kiss to a sudden stop. “Julie?” The door opened and all three of us were flushed with excitement and I could see Julie and even Jane blushing. I was blushing too, but what could we do about it?

If Julie’s mom noticed anything though, she didn’t mention it. “You’re father and I are leaving now, the phone number is on the fridge. Are you sure you girls will be okay for awhile?”

I think my mouth opened about as wide as it had ever gotten in my life. Julie’s parents were leaving? They knew I was Julie’s sorta boyfriend, and they were going out? This made as much sense as a soup sandwich, not even Matt’s parents were that trusting and they were the coolest parents I’d ever heard of. I could see the confusion on Jane’s face too, since her parents were like anti-cool from what I’d heard Jane say about them. This was probably way out of Jane’s experience.

“Yeah mom, we’ll be fine.” Julie licked her lips and nodded, trying not to sound out of breath.

“Okay then. Like I said the number’s downstairs, if you have any problems you call us, okay? Are you going to sleep in here tonight, or downstairs?” Julie’s mom sounded normal, except for what she was saying. “I think there’s enough room in here, that way you girls will have your privacy.”

“Yeah, we’ll be okay.” Julie answered and I was glad I didn’t have to say anything. Privacy? For a 14 year old girl and her girl-boyfriend? It was a like the woman was doing everything she could to tell me it was okay to have sex with her daughter.

“I’m sure you will.” Mrs. Perry nodded, looking around at me and Jane for a moment, still smiling. “Okay then, food’s downstairs, you girls just help yourselves. We’ll be home late, so don’t wait up.” She laughed and gave Julie a hug and a kiss and left the room.

“They’re going out?” I stared at Julie.

“Yeah.” Julie grinned. “I told you my parents really like you guys.”

“This is like the Twilight Zone.” Jane giggled.

“Welcome to my life.” I said to her, being totally serious.

We were downstairs eating at the kitchen table. It wasn’t pizza, but it was still good. Julie’s mom had cooked sloppy Joes for us, along with cookies, a couple cherry pies, and red Jello with cherries in it and a whipped cream frosting, so it was kind of like a pie too, which was good, but weird.

“Your mom have a thing for cherries?” Jane giggled.

“It was my idea.” Julie grinned. “She asked me what I wanted and I wanted cherries. I hope you like cherries.” Julie giggled.

I felt my tummy filled with butterflies, the way it had been ever since I’d rang the doorbell.

“You got the coolest parents in the world.” Jane shook her head.

“They’re totally weird.” Julie giggled. “I couldn’t even look at a boy, I mean it was like if I even asked about boys they’d freak out.”

“But having a girlfriend is okay?” I shook my head.

“Yeah, I guess. They kept asking when you were coming over and everything.” Julie shrugged. “I mean they wrote a book about you.”

That really started us giggling. It was all funny for some reason and we didn’t understand any of it. The only thing that made sense was if Julie’s parents wanted her to be a lesbian, and that made no sense at all. But there was no doubt her parents didn’t mind, and even encouraged it. They had to know what we were going to do. Well, maybe they just thought we’d make out or something, I mean they wouldn’t really think we were going to go all the way. We were just 14 afterall, but the possibility must have occurred to them. Didn’t parents always imagine the worst?

I got up to get some soda out of the refrigerator when something caught my eye. “What’s this?” I asked Julie, tapping a little yellow stick-em note with my finger.

“Huh?” Julie looked at me. “Oh, that’s the phone number for my parents’ friends. The one I’m sposed to call if you don’t make me feel really good tonight.” She giggled and Jane grinned.

“She will, and so will I.” Jane was stroking Julie’s bare thigh under the table and it was a relief to know that they were a lot closer than I’d ever imagined possible. I’d certainly been imagining the worst things, every once in awhile.

“This is where they went?” I was a little confused. “That’s Steve’s phone number!”

“Your brother’s?” Jane looked at me.

“No, uh Little Steve, a friend of mine from school he’s…his dad…” I blinked, catching myself. I couldn’t tell Jane and Julie what was going on there! That I’d had sorta sex with Steve and he wanted to be my boyfriend, or especially that Steve’s dad had fucked me…twice! Or even all the stuff Monica had told me about how strange Steve’s family was. I couldn’t say any of that stuff.

“Oh, that’s weird. My parents go over there a lot. They play Triominoes or something.” Julie was eating some cherry pie and her lips were bright red.

“Triominoes?” Jane gave Julie a funny look.

“Yeah, it’s like dominoes except the pieces have three sides. It’s kinda fun…”

I didn’t think they were playing anything over at Little Steve’s house. All I could think about was all the stuff Monica had told me, how Steve’s parents were into sex and swinging or whatever. Julie’s parents were pretty weird, maybe they were into it too. So Julie’s parents and Steve’s parents were having sex together and maybe Steve too? I tried to picture Little Steve with Julie’s mom and I didn’t really want to. So I tried to imagine Carol with Julie’s dad and that was sorta bad too. And then I thought about Steve’s dad with Julie and I wanted to throw-up all of a sudden.

“…they play Uno too, sometimes. You know what that is right?” Julie and Jane were still talking about games.

“You didn’t ever go there…” I looked at Julie. “…did you?”

“Mmm…nope. Mom said I could go sometime, but she didn’t say. It’s probably boring anyway.” Julie was looking at me. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head. “It’s just weird seeing my friend’s phone number here, I wondered if you knew him.”

“I don’t think so. The only Steve I know is in my school. He’s a dork.”

“All boys are dorks.” Jane laughed. “Even the ones who aren’t.”

“I don’t know, I don’t like boys anymore anyway.” Julie giggled. “Except Ann, she’s like a boy except better.”

I was trying to shut everything out of my head. I had so many conflicting feelings I didn’t know what I was thinking. The idea of Julie and Steve’s parents having sex shouldn’t have bothered me, except that I’d really liked Steve’s dad a lot. I didn’t understand why, except I just did. I liked Little Steve too though, but he knew about me and his dad and he’d even accepted it, sorta. So I think I was jealous if the guy was fucking around, especially with Julie’s mom, who I kind of liked, but more as a mom than anything else. Like a strange Aunt or something, you know? And if she was having sex with Steve’s dad, then I felt kind of bad about her too, and I didn’t want to. Especially since Steve’s dad was married anyway, so I was the one he was fucking around with!

God!

My head hurt and I hurt in my tummy too, because now I was just thinking about how I’d been cheating on Jane and Julie. Jane would be okay with it, or so she’d promised me a whole bunch of times. I was free to do whatever I wanted and she even liked that idea, that she didn’t have any control over me. She didn’t want any, or maybe she wanted to feel cheated on. I didn’t understand Jane at all when it came to that stuff.

But Julie was more like a normal person and she wouldn’t understand at all. She’d given me Jane, and I think they had feelings for each other too. Well, I knew they had feelings for each other, not true love probably, but some love for sure. Julie wasn’t going to want to hear that I’d been having sex with other people though. People she didn’t know and especially people she might know, or that her parents knew for sure. That would be a big huge bummer for all of us.

“You think these are okay?” Julie was asking us, pulling up her sweater so we could see her breasts. Her nipples were pink and puffy and the rings looked awesome through her nipples. “They’re pretty sore sometimes.”

“Yeah, they’re fine.” Jane was smiling, reaching out to touch Julie’s nipples. “Mine are sore too. I think it goes away after a month or something.”

“I hope so!” Julie giggled. “Let me see yours.”

“Okay.” Jane was pulling her shirt up too then, letting Julie inspect her nipples. “Did you use that cream stuff?”

“Yeah, everyday.” Julie nodded. “You got really nice boobs.”

“So do you.” Jane giggled.

“Yeah but not like yours.” She was pressing her hand against Jane’s breast, making the older girl gasp slightly. “Does it hurt?”

“A little.” Jane admitted. “But I like it when it hurts.”

“You do?” Julie sucked her top lip. “I don’t know if I like it or not. Sometimes it’s okay but mostly…it just hurts.”

Jane laughed. “Do you like it when it hurts me?” She was sucking air between her teeth because just as she was saying that Julie was giving her left breast a real hard squeeze.

“Yeah.” Julie sighed. “I like hurting you a little.”

Seeing and listening to all that was distracting at least, almost enough so I could forget all the other stuff, but I wasn’t going to forget completely. Not for awhile anyway.

“You guys wanna go upstairs?” I asked them.

“Yeah.” Julie looked at me, blushing just a little like I’d caught her with her hand in the cookie jar.

“I think Julie wants to spank me.” Jane laughed.

“I’ll spank both of you.” I giggled and the bad thoughts were getting farther away.

“Would you tie me up?” Jane asked me and she sounded serious.

“What?” Julie’s eyes got a little wider.

“You want me to?” I walked over slowly, looking down at Jane as she sat there, blonde and achingly beautiful, with her firm breasts jutting upward beneath her bunched up shirt. She looked vulnerable, the way she had when I’d fingered her at the party, when I’d made her take off her panties for Josh. But this was different, like those had just been small hints at the person she really was beneath all that confidence.

“Do you want me to tie you up and make you watch when I make love to Julie?” I was practically whispering and Jane was holding her breath it seemed, not moving but for her bright blue eyes, following me.

“Yes.” She nodded slowly. “I want you to force me.”

Julie just looked at us, barely breathing herself.

“Do you have any rope?” I asked Julie.

It took a second before she could answer, like she didn’t realize I was talking to her at first. “Uh, yeah in the garage. That stuff my dad used for the clothesline.” She blinked at me. “Are you really gonna tie her up?”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “Go get it.”

I didn’t really know what I was doing, but for some reason tying up Jane, seeing her helpless while I had sex with Julie seemed like a really good idea. I even thought maybe leaving Jane tied up all night might be fun, except she was supposed to break my cherry later. But I could always save that for another time, couldn’t I? I mean I’d decided that Jane was gonna do it, and even told her, but then not letting her do it would be such a disappointment maybe…Would Jane like it? Would it make her mad? I didn’t think she’d like it, but I didn’t think she’d be angry either. Part of her would like it, I was sure.

“I’m going to let Julie punish you later.” I promised Jane. “I’m going to watch and she can do whatever she wants to you.”

“I want you to do it…” Jane said, looking at my face.

“I know.” I laughed, not really trying to sound cruel, but maybe it did anyway. “Maybe I should call my brothers, call Sherry, see if they want to fuck you tonight.”

“No…please, I just want you…” Jane was excited though, I could see it in her face.

“You’re telling me no?” I shook my head just a little. “Don’t you want to make me happy anymore?”

“I’m sorry…” Jane whispered.

She seemed so much like Miss Haven right then, apologizing and desperate and so full of a need to be teased and punished. I wondered how people could change so quickly, going from smiling and self-assured to almost crying in just the blink of an eye. But I didn’t think about myself, how I’d been so full of self-doubt just a few minutes before. Now I was playing the Mistress, feeling my way and confident I was saying and doing the right things. If I’d stopped to think about it I would have realized that this really was my true self, the person I was meant to be, and it had nothing to do with my gender at all.

SLAP!!

I slapped Jane’s face, not very hard at all, but it was loud and her eyes filled with tears a split second later. It was something I could never have done if I’d thought about it beforehand.

“Don’t apologize to me.” I told her. “Just answer my questions. Are you telling me no?”

“No.” She touched her cheek. “I’m not.” Big tears rolled slowly down her cheeks, under her fingers.

My heart lurched and for a second I wondered what I’d done. “Do you love me?” I asked, my voice softening.

“Yes, more than anything.” Jane almost fell forward, so that I had to catch her as she hugged my waist, pressing her injured cheek against my body. “I do love you. I’ll do anything for you.”

Julie was back with the rope already, soft flexible cotton line that everyone seemed to use for everything. “What happened?” Julie asked, seeing me hugging Jane like she was a little girl.

“She was bad.” I giggled. “But she’s all better now, right?” I pushed her away so Jane could look up at me, smiling and nodding.

“You know, if you ever want me to stop doing something, I mean really stop, just say ‘grapes’ okay? Can you remember that?” I was thinking of Coach and how he’d given me that same safe word in case it got to be too much. I didn’t think I was ever gonna do anything to hurt Jane, not really, but it felt better telling her that.

“Grapes.” Jane nodded.

“If you say that, I promise I’ll stop, no matter what.” I was holding her face, making sure Jane was looking at me. “And I won’t be mad either.”

“I know.” Jane said softly. “I trust you, Ann.”

“Are we gonna go upstairs now?” Julie asked, smiling at us, but maybe a little confused too. She’d learn though, I thought.

“Yeah, we are.” I grinned at my two girlfriends, stepping back as Jane stood up, wiping at her eyes.

“Are you okay?” Julie, put her hand on Jane’s exposed waist, giving the older girl a little squeeze.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jane smiled. “I’m perfect.”

“If I’m in charge…” Julie said softly, putting a hand behind Jane’s neck and pulling her down so Julie’s lips were next to her ear, “…I’m no…” I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but Jane’s eyes got wide and she turned her head a little, looking at Julie carefully.

“Believe it.” Julie said and kissed Jane on her mouth.

I thought about asking what Julie had said, but I loved and trusted them both and part of me wanted to test those feelings, I think. I wanted to test myself and so I made a conscious decision to ignore it, feeling sure that if whatever they’d said was important I’d find out later, one way or another. 

I was still trying to work out exactly what our relationship was, mine and Julie’s. Jane I understood, now more than ever. But Julie, she seemed a lot like me in some ways, especially how it looked like she wanted to be dominant with Jane and submissive to me. Jane wanted to be submissive all the time and she didn’t seem to mind Julie playing Mistress, so long as I was there anyway. Whatever happened with all this, it seemed like it was going to be interesting anyway and I was nervous and excited and frightened and happy all at once, which was nothing new for me.

I was used to it by now.


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The end of Chapter Twenty Three

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