ADULTS ONLY
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Copyright 2004-2007 Rachael Ross all rights reserved.
Girl Fag
by Rachael
Chapter Twenty Four
When I was little my brothers and I used to play games tying each other up, like we were little Houdini's or something. We had an egg timer, you know one of those clocks where you turn the timer and it dings when it gets to zero. We'd give whoever we tied up like 3 minutes to get loose. It wasn't really that much fun, but when it was raining and stuff it was okay for awhile.
That's what I was reminded of in Julie's bedroom., but this was going to be different than tying up my brothers. Jane was begging for it, and I wished I knew what she was feeling exactly. She must have been jealous of Julie, just a little, because I'd told Jane how much I loved the both of them, but in different ways. Jane had accepted it and come to an understanding with Julie, but…It puzzled me, because I sensed that Jane was torn a little.
It was like she wanted to see me with Julie, maybe because Jane wanted to see me happy, but there was something else to, hidden away like a secret, that maybe Jane wished it was just me and her. And that was why I was tying her up, why Jane wanted me to tie her up, because then it was like a punishment. Something she had no choice in maybe. I was making her watch and Jane was giving me that power out of love.
Why couldn't stuff be easy?
And Julie, she was okay with me and Jane, but there were terms to that. Unspoken ones, but they were there. Jane wasn't Julie's equal, as much as I'd tried to make it that way, like we were all partners, it wasn't. Julie was my girlfriend and so she commanded something from Jane, some obedience, or loyalty, maybe even love because by choosing her I'd elevated Julie somehow.
It was all strange psychological mind games, I thought, the sort of stuff that girls seemed to be pretty good at, and I wasn't a girl at all. I didn't have the knack for that subtle, devious, reading between the lines stuff. I just said what I meant, mostly, and did what I said. It was the way I'd been brought up. Obviously I'd missed something important growing up as a boy, because trying to understand our three sided relationship was about impossible.
Thankfully though, all we were gonna do was have sex, and I was pretty sure I could handle that.
"Take off your clothes." I smiled at Jane, holding a long length of nylon cord in my hands. It was the soft flexible kind people used for all kinds of stuff. "Show us how pretty you are."
Julie giggled, brushing her thick black hair out of her face as she bounced her butt down on her bed. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her shins and putting her chin down in the little valley at the top. She looked like a little girl sitting like that, a beautiful dark haired angel and I felt myself excited because she was waiting for me, just sitting there patiently, waiting for me.
"Probably you're gonna be tied up a long time, Jane." Julie teased. "Maybe we're going to forget all about you."
Jane was undressing slowly and she looked at Julie, frowning just a little, but mostly she looked at me. She really was the most beautiful girl in the county, maybe the state so far as I could tell. Jane pulled her sweatshirt over her head, shaking her long blonde hair loose, and I watched her breasts as they were pulled taut, and then fell back to their perfect shape. Her nipples were only a bit red and puffy from her piercings and I licked my lips, wanting to kiss them. But I didn't.
I watched as Jane kicked off her shoes and then unbuttoned her jeans, letting them fall mostly, just letting them slide down her creamy thighs, then stepping out of them, bending so that she could use her hands. She had black underwear on, beautiful panties all black with small red roses sewn over the crotch, just tiny ones, and through the lace I could see her sex, the soft golden hair of her pussy.
"Take off your panties too." I breathed.
"Those are pretty." Julie smiled. "Can I have them?"
"You want them?" I looked over at Julie and she nodded. "Okay." I shrugged and turned back to Jane, waiting until she'd taken them off and stood there holding the flimsy panties in her hand. "Give them to Julie. Tell her she can keep them."
"Alright." Jane sad softly, looking down and I followed her closely so that we were both standing close to Julie's bed.
"Here's my panties…" Jane started saying, holding them out, but I stopped her.
"Not like that!" I slapped her bare ass hard with my palm and Jane jerked slightly, but it just surprised her more than anything. "Get on your knees and ask her if you can give them to her."
Julie giggled and Jane's face reddened, but she was enjoying it, I knew. This was exactly the sort of thing Jane needed and most especially wanted.
We watched as Jane got down to her knees and she held out her panties with both hands, not really holding them, but letting the sexy black material lay on her open palms, presenting them to Julie like an offering.
"Would you like to have my panties, Julie?" Jane asked softly "I mean, can I give them to you? Please?"
"Are they new?" Julie smiled, leaning forward a little like she was trying to smell them or something and I giggled.
"I just got them." Jane nodded.
"Well, okay then." Julie said, like she was doing Jane a favor. "I guess. Should I put them on?" She giggled. "Do you want to make love to me while I'm wearing Jane's panties?" Julie was looking at me.
"Oh yeah." I grinned.
"These are way nicer than my panties." Julie grabbed them out of Jane's hands and stood up on the bed, wobbling just a little on her soft mattress. "Can you help me, like take off my shorts for me?"
"Go ahead, Jane." I nodded. "You can help her."
It was fun watching Jane undress Julie and I think they both liked it. Julie reached up, able to just touch the ceiling with her hands, and she steadied herself that way while Jane stood on the floor, her face even with Julie's exposed tummy. It was drawn tight and flat and she looked so sexy just standing on the bed like that.
Jane unbuttoned Julie's shorts and then pulled them down the girl's legs slowly, letting my dark haired girlfriend step out of them with a little giggle. Julie was just wearing plain white panties, wide around her hips, and very boring. It was going to be nice seeing her in Jane's naughty black ones.
"Take off my panties, what are you waiting for?" Julie rolled her eyes. "God!"
I laughed and slapped Jane's heart shaped ass again, just because it was so perfect. "Hurry up, we haven't got all night."
"We kinda do." Julie grinned at me and I just sighed, thinking she was too perfect and wondering for the zillionth time why these two girls liked me so much.
Jane pulled Julie's panties down and I think we were all holding our breath a little, just because it was pretty fun being teased like that. Jane was doing it real slow, like an inch on one side, then a little on the other. Some little bit of dark pubic hair was exposed at the swell of Julie's sex, and then a little more. She didn't have a lot of hair, about like me I guess, just a bit at the top of her sex, but it was dark, as black as the hair on her head, and sort of nice.
"Mmmm…you like my pussy, huh?" Julie was looking down as Jane helped her step out of her old panties.
"Maybe if you ask nice, Julie will let you kiss it." I giggled.
"Maybe." Julie agreed. "Do you wanna kiss my pussy, Jane? Are you a little pussy slut?"
"Yes." Jane nodded and she turned her head, just a little to look at me.
"It's okay, kiss her." I shrugged. "Just a little one though. No tongue!"
"I'm kinda wet already." Julie told us, staring down at Jane. "But you don't care, do you?"
"No." Jane cleared her throat and she was leaning forward, bringing up her hands to hold Julie's thighs, but the other girl stepped back.
"Don't touch me!" She frowned. "Just a kiss, that's all. You're not my boyfriend!"
"Maybe I should tie her up." I nodded. "Put your hands behind your back." I grabbed Jane's let arm and she brought the right one back all by herself.
"I won't tie it too tight." I said softly, kissing Jane's cheek. "Just a little, okay?"
"It's alright." Jane said without looking at me. "You can tie it tight if you want."
"I love you." I whispered, kissing her ear and then I was tying her wrists together behind her back. Not really tight at all, just tight enough so she couldn't squeeze her hands out of the loops. Jane had thin wrists, and really, she wasn't going to try and get loose anyway. She wanted to be tied up.
While I was doing that, Julie was putting on Jane's black panties, well, I guess they really were Julie's now. I wasn't going to make her give them back. They looked nice on her too, and not too big either, because even though Jane was older and more mature physically, she wasn't really all that much bigger and Jane liked too small clothes anyway, especially panties.
"How do they look?" Julie asked me with a little laugh. She was balanced on her bed with her pelvis pushed out, showing me her sex now barely hidden beneath that fine black lace.
"Like you wanna get pregnant." I giggled, but inside my heart was thumping. Julie was totally sexy, like Jane was, but different too.
"Oh!" Julie gasped and her eyes were twinkling. "Are you going to knock me up?" She asked me playfully, smoothing her new panties over her sex.
I laughed, holding Jane in my arms, just because I wanted to. She was tied now, and I stood behind her, hugging Jane to my chest and rubbing my hands over her soft tummy and breasts.
"No." I shook my head. "Maybe next time."
It was kind of funny, but a little sad too in a way, that I was there, Julie and Jane's boyfriend, and we didn't have to worry about rubbers or pills or whatever. I suppose that was a blessing, at least some people would see it that way, and obviously even if I was a real boy, I wouldn't have wanted to be making anyone pregnant. But it would have been nice to worry about it, just a little.
It was just one more reminder that I wasn't the complete boyfriend, you know? That didn't matter to Jane, she loved me because I was a girl who looked like a boy, and acted like a boyfriend. She'd always liked that about me and it was like a dream come true for her. And Julie, she liked me just fine, but I wondered if she wouldn't change her mind someday, like want a real boy and not just me.
Not being able to knock a girl up just gave me more doubts about who I was and more important who I was becoming, because none of us ever stayed the same, not really. I was becoming a woman and this was my first glimpse of the future, of being older and wanting something only a real man with a real penis could provide. It was a little ache, a tiny one that nobody could see, Julie didn't know, she was smiling at me, teasing me and Jane with her fingers on her pussy.
"Come her, Jane you can kiss me now." Julie dropped her butt on the bed like it was a trampoline, giggling and spreading her legs.
"Kiss her nice." I whispered in Jane's ear. "Or I'll spank you with my belt."
I was giggling when I said that and I didn't have to threaten Jane, even if I'd been serious. I mean I was sorta serious, I would spank her, but it wouldn't hurt her. I never wanted to hurt Jane, it was enough just to embarrass her a little. But I'd say things once in awhile, like maybe someday I'd really punish her for something, and Jane liked the idea, the possibility that she didn't know everything.
"She's kind of a slut, huh?" Julie asked me, watching Jane as the girl got on her knees, bending over the edge of Julie's bed.
"Yeah, totally." I giggled, just to be cruel. Julie had figured out quick what Jane liked, being humiliated and treated like she was something less than a real person with feelings.
I'd never have talked about Jane like that in a million years, and I wouldn't have let anyone else do it either, except that I knew Jane wanted to hear those kinds of things. Everyone was different, none of were the same, and Julie was having fun with Jane, punishing her just because she could.
"I bet you lick all the girls at school too, huh?" Julie rubbed her lace covered pussy just inches from Jane's mouth. "You can tell me, right Ann?"
"Yeah." I shrugged. "We don't have any secrets, do we Jane."
I was getting undressed then, watching Julie grab Jane by her long blonde hair, lifting Jane's face so they could look at each other.
"Tell me you're a slut." Julie said.
"I'm a slut…" Jane said and Julie giggled, pulling and pushing Jane's head so that the girl was nodding.
"Do you want to lick me, Jane?" Julie asked sweetly.
"Yes." Jane said softly, wincing a little as Julie pulled her hair, and then quickly nodded.
"Get me all wet for Ann's big cock?" Julie was rubbing the middle finger of her left hand up and down her barely hidden slit so that we could see the dim outline of her pussy.
"Lick her pussy, Jane." I grinned at them, but I was kind of half-turned away too.
I was getting pretty turned on and my sex was damp already, greasy and my little girly clit was hard. I wished I had a dick so bad right then, and a big box of condoms to go with it. That made me laugh, like it was a private joke, but mostly it was just frustration. I was naked now, and putting on my strap-on dildo, my fake penis, and I wasn't ever gonna need a rubber for that.
"Kiss my panties first." Julie said and she was trying to watch both of us.
I was thinking maybe I should have left my boxers on, maybe even my t-shirt, because I was all too aware of how girly my body looked. I didn't remember looking like this before. I had muscles, yeah, I'd been working out hard and it showed. My stomach was tight and I had little abs there, my shoulders and arms, and my thighs, the all looked like they could have been a boy's. But my boobs were bigger. Coach hadn't been able to work them off at all. And I had hips now too, still narrow, but definitely there.
The only good thing was that neither of my two girlfriends were going to mind that at all. It was just me, as always, my boy brain trying to cope with the fact that it was stuck in a girl body. I tried telling myself it wasn't a big deal, and in fact it was probably a good thing, since Jane might not have liked me at all otherwise, and Julie…I was still trying to figure her out. She thought I was a guy and it was some weird sort of double-thinking for her. Like she saw the truth, but it just got translated into something else.
Jane had her small mouth on Julie's pussy now, on the girl's panties, kissing and then licking the crotch and teasing Julie's sex underneath. I just stared at Jane's perfect ass, kneeling there on the floor of my girlfriend's bedroom. She had her long legs slightly spread, deliberately I think, so I could see her pink pussy. Jane was wet too, glistening wet and I stroked my dildo like it was a real cock, knowing that if I had balls they'd be hot and desperate to fill the girl up.
As it was my pussy was throbbing, like the whole thing inside and out, and I moved my hand around my dick so the molded rubber base would find my clit and give me a little jolt of pleasure.
"I think somebody wants to fuck you, Jane." Julie giggled and she was pulling her panty to the side. "Lick me now…get me all wet…uh-huh…"
I did want to fuck Jane and the girl didn't look at me, Julie wouldn't let her, she had her mouth on Julie's bare sex now. But Jane did wriggle her smooth round butt for me, inviting me to take her, to make love to her while she sucked my girlfriend's pussy. Jane's fingers twitched too, tied behind her back, like she was calling to me.
"Oh god…that's nice…" Julie was breathing harder, nodding her head and smiling. Jane was licking her pussy good, using her tongue along the girl's slit, just a little inside, and licking up to Julie's little red clitoris, flicking the tip of her tongue over it quickly.
"I'm going to fuck you…." I breathed, getting behind Jane, kneeling down with my knees on the carpet between hers.
"Ummm-hmmm…" Jane agreed, rolling her hips.
She was turned on now, like a switch had been flipped. She was tied up, kneeling in front of a girl who was using her, sucking pussy while I watched. The only thing that might have made this better for Jane, I thought, was if we were doing it in the middle of a bunch of people. Public humiliation was definitely her thing, but this wasn't bad probably.
"She's really wet!" I giggled, lifting my eyebrows playfully as I looked at Julie.
"She's such a slut!" Julie grinned back, her body turning pink from pleasure. "Now she's our slut, aren't you Jane? Our little fuck slut!"
I gasped and laughed, hearing Julie talk dirty like that. She was so beautiful, so innocent looking, and it was so strange.
"I'm gonna make you eat me all the time, Jane." Julie was looking at me while she spoke. "And I'm going to tell all my friends how good you do it too. I bet you're the best pussy licker around, huh?"
I was rubbing the head of my cock across Jane's pussy, looking down and seeing her swollen labia spreading for me. I knew she wasn't really into guys at all, she didn't like cock, and she'd only had sex with my brothers because Sherry wanted her too, but she'd do it for me. She wanted it now and Jane was pushing back a little, or trying to, but Julie had both hands in Jane's hair, holding the girl tight to her pussy.
"Stick your tongue in me…Uhhmmm…all the way…can you feel my cherry?" Julie was asking Jane. "Uh yeah…can you taste it? Ann's going to break it soon…then you can really lick me good afterwards…"
I just shook my head, smiling and thinking Julie was probably a lot like Sherry in some ways, maybe even a lot of ways, because she didn't have any problems making Jane do whatever she wanted. But Sherry always seemed kind of sneaky to me, Julie wasn't hiding a thing from us.
"Here…" I whispered needlessly, pushing my cock inside Jane slowly, watching her pussy swallow my strap-on gradually.
Mmmphhh…" Jane moaned against Julie's pussy and a little shiver went through her as my dildo stretched her pussy around it.
"You talk too much!" Julie giggled.
But none of us were talking a whole lot for the next ten minutes at least. The bedroom was filled with the sounds of sex, with Jane being used at both ends, licking Julie's virgin pussy while I fucked her slowly with my strap-on dildo. I was hot with it, like my body was on fire and I dug my finger's into Jane's soft hips, pushing and pulling her while I thrust all the way inside.
Julie was lying back then, with her legs open, her thighs closing against Jane's cheeks every now and again, when Jane would kiss or lick someplace especially good. Nothing was rushed, it was all deliberate and tender, even the fucking I was giving Jane. It wasn't the wild, hard thrusting that a guy would give her. It wasn't like the times Coach fucked my ass, or one of my brothers. This was so much different than man sex, I thought, and even though I was a guy inside, or at least I was trying very hard to be one, I felt differently about it then.
This was girl sex, more like an exploration really, even though we knew exactly what we were doing. It was weird and I wondered if I was becoming a lesbian, because I was totally aware of my pussy, the way it was quivering inside, the way it felt empty and hungry to be filled up. I'd never felt that before, at least not so strongly, so distinctively. The closest had been with Levi, when I'd almost been ready to give him my virginity.
But that hadn't been girl sex at all, that was definitely a guy-girl thing, which was even more different than this. Like there were three kinds of sex all of a sudden, three flavors and I'd been sampling them all, trying to decide which one I liked better. But the problem was I liked them all, or at least I did when I was doing it. Later, I knew I'd be back to my normal self, meaning a boy, a fag, and I'd think I just wanted man sex all the time. But that was just lying, probably, and I was so confused by all of it. Like I couldn't trust myself anymore.
"Enough…nuff…oh…god…" Julie was gasping, pushing Jane's face away from her pussy. She was close to cumming, I thought, really close, but she didn't want to cum with Jane.
"Are you ready?" I asked Julie, breathing heavily myself and my breasts were aching, like my nipples were going to pop off. I was so excited by then and I hadn't really been doing anything, just pushing and pulling that cock fro Jane's wet pussy.
"Yeah…I want to do it…I want to do it with you…" Julie was nodding at me, her usually pale face and body now flushed with excitement.
I pulled out of Jane's pussy slowly, my dildo wet and shiny with her juices. I stood up, stretching a little and cradling my breasts in my hands. They were small and tender, like soft pink apples in my hands, with hard puffy nipples, and I was a girl, as much as I wished I was a boy right then, I knew I was a girl.
But I was going to break my girlfriend's cherry too and Julie didn't care what I was, she loved me. My sex didn't have a lot to do with that. She'd liked me as a boy, and then liked me even more as a girl, so she knew.
Jane straightened her body too, but stayed on her knees. She was soaked with Julie's pussy juices. It covered her face and ran down her cheeks and chin so that even Jane's long delicate neck was damp with it. I kissed her on the mouth, knowing that Jane was going to watch us when I made love to Julie. But I loved Jane equally and I wanted her to know that, I wanted her to be sure and not feel badly or neglected or anything.
I could taste Julie in Jane's mouth as I pushed my tongue inside. I pressed my hand to the girl's breast, squeezing and massaging her. It was a wonderful kiss and Jane melted against me, yielding completely as I took my pleasure from her. She moaned softly, into my mouth and I felt my heart pounding. I did love her so completely and it was difficult to stop kissing her.
"Hurry…Annnn…" Julie whined softly, pouting a little as she rubbed her sex slowly, watching us. She wasn't jealous, just horny, and I giggled breathlessly, pulling my tongue loose from Jane's sucking lips.
"I'm here…" I grinned, getting on the bed.
I went from one kiss straight into another, finding myself wrapped up in Julie's tight embrace. Her mouth found mine and this time I was the one sucking tongue, wriggling my own beneath Julie's as she Frenched me deeply. I played with her tits, thumbing her nipples and teasing the rings. She was tender and puffy, like Jane, and Julie groaned, but made no effort to get away.
We made out for a long time, much longer than any of us might have expected I think. Just lying on Julie's bed, kissing and touching each other. We were hot and sweaty just from that and I played with her pussy a little, rubbing her with my fingers. I could feel her hymen, it wasn't very deep at all, and I knew Jane had been able to reach it with her long expert tongue. The idea that Jane had kissed Julie's cherry was exciting and a part of me, a little part almost regretted that we were going to have real sex. It was cool having a virgin for a girlfriend, I thought.
"Are you sure you want to do it?" I asked Julie, but only because I wasn't. I mean I wanted to, yeah, but this was something we could only do once. I sort of hated losing that, but I didn't really understand why.
"Yeah." Julie swallowed hard because it was very close now. She was wet and ready, as ready as she'd ever be, and my cock was always hard, always ready.
"Okay." I finally said after a minute of looking into her dark eyes, knowing I loved her as much as I loved Jane and finding that idea amazing as always. It seemed like it shouldn't have been possible to love two people like that, but I did.
Julie helped me, encouraged me to move so that I was on top of her, my dildo pressed between our tummies. She opened her legs around me, still wearing Jane's sexy black panties, but her pussy was completely open to me with the flimsy fabric pulled aside. We kissed some more, moving our bodies together like we were having sex, but that fake cock was just sliding between us.
I felt her hard swollen nipples playing across my breasts, finding my own from time to time and that seemed totally sexy. Girl Sex. That's what this was, kissing Julie and making love to her just like that, with our mouths and bodies, no penetration was even needed it didn't seem, which was totally different than man sex. I just couldn't decide if it was better or worse, because I was being totally prejudiced by Julie's lips and hands and legs as they wrapped around my body.
"Put it in…Please…I want to do it…" Julie was whispering and I couldn't have refused her even if I wanted to.
She relaxed her legs, which had been tight around my waist, and I reached awkwardly between us, lifting myself so I could bring the head of my cock to her sex. She was so small down there too, so tight and inexperienced, just like me I realized. We were two virgins about to have sex for the first time, but only one of us would feel the pain, lose that innocence forever. It was a little sad maybe, but happy too, and I didn't think a real boy would feel it the way I was, but maybe I was wrong.
"Tell me if it hurts, okay?" I looked into Julie's face and she nodded. "And don't hold your breath." I smiled. "Just relax."
Julie giggled nervously and let out the breath she was holding. "Okay."
I didn't know if it was going to be the same for her as it had been the first time I'd been ass fucked by my brother, but I figured the principle was the same anyway. Holding my breath that time had just made it worse, breathing was good, it helped, and so probably it would help Julie too. I hoped so anyway, I didn't want to hurt her. My strap-on was pretty big too, not huge, but compared to Julie's 14 year old pussy, it was pretty big.
Jane was quiet, except for her breathing, which came out in little moans once in awhile. She was watching us, helpless to do anything else since her hands were bound behind her back. She couldn't even play with her pussy, but that was a good punishment for her, one that she appreciated. I know Jane would have joined us if I wanted her to, even helped, but this was private now, personal between Julie and me, and Jane understood that.
I put the head of cock against Julie's pussy, rubbing it up and down and keeping my fingers at the tip so I could feel her little hole when I found it. My dick couldn't feel a thing, obviously, which was frustrating in like a dozen different ways.
"Ah…There!" Julie nodded as my cockhead finally found her opening, spreading those soft wet pussy lips and just starting to enter her.
"Okay?" I asked her, staying very still and when she nodded I started pushing with my hips, holding my dildo steady and feeling it slide between my fingers.
"Ohhh…Sssss…" Julie hissed at me, grimacing a little and I hadn't barely entered her when her hymen began too stretch.
"Maybe we should…" I started pulling back, thinking we could try later, or with something different, just my fingers maybe. That wouldn't hurt too much.
"No…I want it…Just push…" Julie smiled at me, squeezing her thighs against my hips, like she was urging on a pony.
"Okay." I smiled, but it was a disbelieving sort of smile, like I wasn't sure about this at all.
"Yesss…. Hard…do it, Ann!" Julie pulled me, I swear, it wasn't up to me at all. She put her legs around me, her heels against my back and her hands along my ribs, and she just pulled me into her.
I pushed too, not very hard, but deliberately and constantly and I watched Julie's face closely as my cock forced its way inside. Her cherry stretched a little I think, and then it must have torn. Julie jerked hard beneath me, her eyes shut tight and her moth open like she might scream, but nothing came out.
And then the hard part was suddenly over, my cock sank inside her about halfway, maybe a little more, and it was done. I'd just broken her cherry and Julie wasn't crying or anything, not even frowning as we rested there, with her pussy wrapped tightly around my dick. She was breathing and nodding and looking into my face.
"That wasn't so bad." She laughed softly. "It's okay, it just really hurt for a second…I'm okay."
"Are you sure?" I kissed her gently.
"Yeah." She gave me a little squeeze with her thighs, like she was testing the waters. "Just go slow, okay?"
"Yeah." I was smiling too then and wishing I knew what her pussy felt like inside. I bet she was hot, like a greasy oven in there, and tight too. I knew she was tight because I really had to push and pull hard to get my cock moving. Her pussy muscles must have been really squeezing that dildo good, but it was smooth and wet and we were fucking then, making love slowly.
Sometimes she'd tell me to slow down, or pause for a second, especially when I went a little deeper. She was just getting used to it, getting accustomed to having a big penis inside her womb. And that was what Julie wanted, to lose her virginity to a penis. Not my fingers, or a hairbrush, or falling off a horse. She wanted to make love and feel it, the pain, the pleasure, all of it. She was
happy, even if it did hurt more than it felt good that first time. The emotions were what was important.
I tried to make it good too, well of course I did, but I mean I didn't care about what I was feeling at all. My body was hot, my tummy filled with fireflies and I was about as turned on as I'd ever been, but I didn't really care about that. I just focused on Julie, kissing her and whispering to her how beautiful she was, and how much I loved her. I told her she was special and perfect and I fucked her as gently as I could.
Julie didn't cum though and neither did I. But I didn't need a cum anyway, it would have been sort of disappointing because if anything I wanted to cum like a guy. I wanted to feel my balls get tight and my cock throbbing. I always wondered exactly what that felt like, cumming the way a guy does. But I'd never know and so I didn't even want a girly orgasm, not while I was making love for the first time with Julie.
But I wished she would have cum, just a little one, but probably it was hard being so tender right then, being stretched and torn the way she was. The next time, I thought, in a few days, or maybe n a week, or the time after that, when Julie was used to it, then she'd just feel good and we could make love harder and better. We'd remember this first time and carry it with us in our hearts and when we came together it would be okay, it would always be like the first time when we were together. It was part of us now.
"Does it hurt?" I asked Julie.
She was sitting in the bathtub and that had been Jane's idea, and a good one maybe, because Julie had been pretty sore, even though she didn't really want to admit it. A bath was nice anyway though, and we were all in there. I'd untied Jane's hands and she was sitting on the closed toilet, still naked. We all were. I was sitting on the floor, leaning over the porcelain tub an Julie was leaning back in the warm bubbly water smiling at me.
"Not too much." Julie shrugged.
"It'll go away." Jane said. "Still hurt the next time though, but not as bad probably."
"I shoulda been more careful." I frowned, stroking Julie's breasts which were half in and half out of the water.
"No." Julie giggled. "It was perfect."
"Tell your parents." Jane giggled. "Maybe they'll write a book about it."
"Just so they don't put me in it." I rolled my eyes. "Bad enough I'm a penguin."
"You're not a penguin." Julie grinned at me. "You're the best boyfriend in the world."
"Is that what I am?" I gave her a look. "Don't start acting weird just cause you lost your cherry."
"What?" Julie was teasing me. "She is, isn't she Jane?"
"Yeah." Jane smiled at me as I looked at her. "She is."
"Yeah, like you guys had a lot of boyfriends." I snorted.
I didn't know why I was arguing with them, it should have felt good being talked about like that. But I was naked and a boyfriend wasn't supposed to have tits, or a pussy.
"I had a couple." Jane said.
"What? My brothers?" I shook my head. "Mark and David, they don't count."
"What's wrong, Ann?" Julie put her hand on top of mine, pressing my palm to her chest.
"Nothing." I shrugged and we were quiet for a minute.
"I just…" I sucked my top lip. "I just wish I was a boy." I looked at Jane and then at Julie. "It isn't fair."
"It doesn't matter." Julie said.
"It matters." Jane sighed and she was looking down, her blonde hair hiding her face from me.
They were both right, sort of, but Jane was more right. It didn't matter if I was a boy or a girl to Julie, or to Jane probably, they'd still like me. I wouldn't have been very much different, I don't think. I'd been raised as a boy anyway.
But it mattered to me and Jane knew it. Just like she knew she couldn't do anything about it, no one could. It was something I had to go through by myself, figuring out who I was and growing into that person. I was just 14 years old and right in the middle of life, changing from a kid into an adult, and I was scared of it.
All girls are scared probably, maybe boys too, but I didn't think so. Unless they were like Scott, who was queer. I knew he'd had his own questions for awhile, but not like mine. And I wasn't like the other girls either. They'd grow up knowing they were going to be women, thinking about marriage and kids and all that. I was trying to decide if I was going to be a boy or a girl, cause that was really what it was. Figuring out if I wanted to fight, or just give up.
Sitting there with Julie and Jane, looking down at my body, I didn't see how I was ever going to win that fight. Surrendering didn't hold much appeal neither though. Growing my hair long, wearing dresses and painting my fingernails. I didn't want none of that. I was one of the Russet Boys. I was a football player, not some cheerleader. I was a mechanic, one of the best in the whole state, and I could fix anything…Except me.
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end of Chapter 24
After Note:
I've decided to end this story here and I'll tell you why.
Firstly, this story as a whole, has easily been the most popular story I've written. I got hundreds of emails, literally and it has been extremely flattering. It was a total pleasure writing this story and it isn't complete, I know that, but I don't think it ever would be, regardless of how many chapters I wrote.
I took a long break from writing, too long in some cases, in this case. When I write a story that really works well, as this one did, I really most often identify strongly with the main character. To some degree I have to suspend who I really am, shut my life away for a few hours everyday, and just become her. Taking the time off though, that hurts that process more than I can explain ere and it's just about impossible to get it back.
I know readers want more and certainly, in my honest opinion, a lot of the readers deserve more. They deserve what they're asking for and I am hurting inside at the thought that I just can't provide that. People, other authors, and some readers, say you know, rache, you don't
owe anybody except yourself. And I want to believe that, but sometimes I do owe people.
Ummm... People might think I'm quitting this I'm lazy, or I don't care. Neither of those is true. You can't put as many hours into something, invested as much energy and emotion as I invested in this, and not want to see it thrive. It hurts me, right now, writing this. But writing isn't just pulling words out of the air and assembling
them in the correct order. There's so much more to the process and I'm aching right
now because it just isn't in me.
God, this is silly right? I feel crying because I just wanted to do this so bad and it eludes me.
So this is my apology and my love letter to the people who love this story. We got a look at Ann Russet's life and if I can be immodest for a minute, you got some of the best online erotic literature you're ever going to see. It was far from perfect, but it was interesting and filled with genuine emotion. It wasn't canned or written to a formula. And the response from you guys was the reason it went as long as it did. Originally Girl Fag was just four chapters and done…It went a whole lot further than any of us had a right to
expect and it ends too soon, the way so many of my favorite stories always do.
So thank you. I do love you.
Best always, Rachael
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end of Girl Fag