I Hate It When That Happens by cmsix

Chapter 3

I picked the damned thing up and pressed the button.

"Yes Frank, are you having problems already?"

I started to say something smart assed but changed my mind. It would probably be lost on them anyway.

"If you want me to catch and train a horse or two you should have left me a lariat, a bridle, a saddle, and a pair of boots. I might do it without them but I'm not going to try. Breaking a leg down here will not help anything," I said, doubting that talking to them was going to help a thing either.

There was no response for nearly two minutes and then the greenie came back on the line.

"You have made an excellent point, Frank. We will construct and deliver what you requested. Do you have any particular specifications in mind?" he asked.

"Did you do any poking around at my house while you were inspecting me for this little adventure?" I asked.

"As a matter of fact, we did quite a bit."

"Then check back over what I had in storage. I'll need at least several of the bits for the bridle, depending on what size the horses are here now, and my former cowboy boots won't fit me either. Don't forget a couple of saddle pads and horse blankets," I said.

"Very well, you should have them when you wake tomorrow," he said.

"Oh yeh, I'll need a few sizes of bosal and a headstall. Send me some five-eights braided soft nylon rope too if you can," I said, adding to my list since I now thought I might get some of it.

"We will take care of it," greenie said, and then the little conference was over.

The note had also let me know what the bow, arrows, and spears were for. They felt I'd be better served to learn to hunt with them, especially if I were among others here.

They had a point, but I didn't think they really had much of one. It wasn't like anyone alive here could copy the weapon if they did see it in action. They probably couldn't even figure it out if they happened to steal it from me somehow.

One thing was certain though; if I fired it they would hear it for miles around. Of course no one could have any idea what it was, but there'd be no missing the sound of firing if they were within a mile or two. Hell, even the tiny sonic boom the bullet made as it traveled would be noticeable, albeit as a completely different sound.

And I was going to have to fire some shots sooner or later, and most likely sooner. I'd already enjoyed damned near all the oatmeal I could stand and I fully intended to kill something I could chew on, soon.

When the sun rose I left my cave with my Glock strapped around my waist and the rifle in my hands. I didn't have any idea what part of pre-europe Europe they'd put me in and it didn't really matter to me. I wasn't going to be wanting to take a look at any of the local tourist attractions, since there weren't any yet.

I moved as quietly as I could, on the off chance that I would see something edible I could kill. I noticed a couple of squirrels about a hundred yards from my cave's entrance but they were hardly worth the two thunderclaps I would release if I shot them.

Checking out the top of the rather high wooded hill my cave was in seemed a good first step and after finding what looked like an easy way I started up. Thirty minutes or so later I was near the highest portion and it had been well worth the climbing. I was on the highest point for a good distance, several miles in any direction it seemed.

I could see that there was a small river about a mile and a half from me and I even saw a small deer drinking from a stream maybe half a mile off. So, if I kept my eyes open and moved carefully today chances were that I could down it or one like it without much bother.

Hunting had moved to the back burner as I was making my way up the hill though. What I really needed to do was learn to use my bow. Even though it was slightly a pisser, the bow made good sense here and now. It wasn't nearly as effective a weapon as the rifle, but it wasn't nearly as loud either.

People native to this time would be just as surprised to see it though, and even the primitive bow was miles ahead of throwing a spear. Trouble was I hadn't had a bow in my hands for years and they weren't nearly as easy to stay proficient with as a rifle or pistol.

Using a bow required complicated coordination for proficiency while a rifle's biggest requirement was that you be still to use it, and that you use a gentle pressure to pull the trigger. A rifle also had an accurate sighting mechanism while with a bow it was always a best guess sort of thing. Using a bow effectively required a lot more practice than a rifle did.

I headed for my cave again at once. When I reached it I signaled greenie again.

"Yes?" the greenie asked.

"I'll also need a practice target and suitable backstop for the bow," I said.

"We were sure that you already knew how to use one."

"I do, but proper aiming requires practice with the particular bow and arrows you are going to be using," I said.

"It doesn't look that difficult."

"I'm sure operating your space craft doesn't look that difficult either. You come down and shoot the bow and I'll drive the space craft," I said, knowing I was being a smart ass.

"Very well, what are the specific requirements?"

"Look it up," I said, and canceled our connection.

Wasn't that just like a desk jockey? Some fucking things don't change no matter what world you're from I guess. It doesn't look that hard, for fuck's sake.

I gave up my exploring for a while, gathered some wood for a small fire, and after I had it going well I heated up a bowl of oatmeal.

I was happy to discover that my no doubt custom made cave had an updraft that took the smoke away. I went back outside after I downed my gruel and looked for the exit hole. It was hard to find and somehow the smoke was being dissipated very effectively before it came out. There would be no telltale smoky finger pointing down to my location even if I used wood that produced a lot of smoke.

I spent the rest of the day poking around in my cave and going through my supplies. Damned if I didn't find a few more pots and pans for cooking and even a big hundred-quart stockpot. That would be great for cooking up a big stew.

The real find was a couple of boxes of MRE style entrees. You know, the kind that have been treated somehow to last for years without refrigeration. Mine were mostly pork chops and beef patties, albeit larger ones than you'd think. They were also cooked already so I grabbed one and warmed it up in a skillet over my small fire. It was the first thing I'd had that wasn't oatmeal in months.

My light made it easy enough to see inside my cave even after sundown, but I'll have to admit it wasn't very entertaining. I think the day had been about twelve hours and I was guessing the night would be about the same. If they'd thought ahead, or even asked me a few fucking questions I could be practicing with my bow right now instead of spending my first night, or first I knew about, on a strange planet and being bored nearly to tears. Fuckit, I went to bed.

Somehow I managed to go right to sleep and probably stayed that way for about eight hours. Normally that's about as long as I could stay asleep if I wasn't disturbed and hadn't set an alarm. It only took a few seconds for awareness to fill my punkin head and I hopped right up, dragged on my clothes, and went to my stack of stuff to see what they'd come up with.

There wasn't one new fucking thing here, not one. I whipped out my handy dandy pager and gave them a buzz.

"Yes Frank, were the items we provided acceptable?" greenie asked.

"What items. I don't see one thing in here that's new," I said, and I might have used a tone that wasn't so polite.

"Where are you?" greenie asked.

"I'm in the cave you left me in?" I said.

"Have you checked the storage room?" he asked.

"What storage room? All I see is a big open cave with one light bulb in the top and my bed and other things in a pile on the floor," I said.

"On the floor? Are you in the front section of the cave, the large open area with basically nothing in it?" greenie asked.

"I think you could say that, but it's the only fucking section of the cave I know about," I said.

Greenie didn't respond and the pager was just silent for nearly five minutes. He sounded a little odd when he came back, almost apologetic.

"There was some miscommunication on our end, Frank. You were put into the wrong section of the cave, and the one that did it will be disciplined. It seems that the individual thought it was a wonderful joke," greenie said.

"I don't guess it hurt anything," I said.

"If it has his punishment will be learning to breathe outside this ship without a suit. Our technology is wonderful, compared to what you are familiar with, but it isn't magic. We have expended considerable effort and resources on this project and needless risks are not funny to most of us," greenie said, and I was beginning to think he might have his panties in a wad.

"So where is this other section you were talking about?" I asked.

"You don't see the entrance to it on the rear wall?" greenie asked.

"No, I don't see a damned thing except the inside of this cave."

"Pardon me for a few minutes, I must attend to something and asks some more questions," greenie said, and then he was gone.

What in the hell was this all about? It wasn't so tough in here and they had left me that mattress. What the hell, I started a small fire to warm up another MRE entree. I had it warmed, eaten, and was cleaning out my skillet before greenie came back.

"I believe we have everything sorted out now Frank. We will have to ask you to leave the cave for several hours though. If you find yourself in danger you may come back into the entrance, and nothing will be able to follow you. You won't be able to return to where you are now though. We have to send a team down to make some adjustments," greenie said, so I told him it was fine, dressed, strapped on my Glock's holster, picked up the rifle and went outside.

With nothing to really go on I couldn't figure out what was going on and it didn't really matter. I considered it spaceman business and the sooner they got it over with the better. This was really pretty much better than I could have hoped for anyway.

With a home base that no one here could enter without me and having the ultimate weapon as far as the residents were concerned, I was set. There was obviously plenty of game and I'd even seen several fruit trees, or what I thought were fruit trees. There had even been some berry bushes, thought I hadn't paid them much attention yet. Deciding or discovering what was edible to me would be the biggest hassle, but surely greenie would have mentioned it if there were plants or animals whose flesh was deadly poison.

After about five hours of walking around in an ever increasing half circle I'd seen that there were a lot more things that looked good to eat. Maybe I'd just ask greenie about them. Hopefully he could provide me with a list of some sort.

Figuring I had probably fucked off long enough, I headed back to my home/cave. When I reached it I could see inside through the entrance and it was apparent that whoever had come down to work had left already, so I walked on inside.

The cave I was expecting was still there but was now empty. I could see a new opening in the back wall and after passing though it I was shocked, and elated.

Now this was more like it. The inside of my cave now resembled the inside of my former home, mostly. It was a little larger for some reason and everything looked brand new, but other than that it was home.

Yes, on earth I was a normal lard assed couch-occupying male. Apparently greenie and his pals had assumed that Television was an integral and necessary part of my life. They had brought the forty-two inch model I'd just bought before my plane trip. I wondered what kind of reception I was going to get here.

None. Zero reception and that wasn't a shocker, but I did wonder why they'd bothered with the TV since it wouldn't work here. Then I remembered my DVDs and the shows I had saved on TIVO. I tried TIVO first and it worked as expected.

That made me wonder where in the hell the electricity was being generated. What the hell, if greenie wanted to pay the electric bill I could live with it. I decided the don't ask, don't tell plan would work here too.

Taking the time to check out the rest of the place, I found that everything seemed like I'd left it, but the back door in the kitchen that had opened onto my back yard now opened to the storage area that had alerted us to the misunderstanding in the first place. It in turn had another entrance to the outside, like the one for the cave I'd arrived in. This one was much larger though.