Depression by cmsix

Chapter 30

Having my own castle was not my biggest shock about being back in the there and then. The things a castle, or more correctly a Barony, involved were.

A castle is not just a castle or at least this one wasn't. It was the residence of the head of government for a particular area. As such it was pretty much in the center of a small town that just happened to be within walls. I didn't so much own a castle now, I owned a walled city, and my castle was in that city. I was also pretty sure that I owned, or at least controlled even more land than what my walls surrounded.

Thanks to Big Boy and his henchman, my walled city now encompassed more area than it had. In fact, the two nearest outlying villages had been brought in out of the cold, so to speak.

My walls were now surrounding a four-mile by five-mile roughly rectangular area, and until my house landed, there hadn't been one fucking commode anywhere near. You had to be careful where you stepped to keep from cutting your foot.

All in all, sixteen hundreds France was filthy, to put it mildly. Horse shit, dog shit, cat shit, chicken shit, bullshit, and even human shit was everywhere. This could not go on, not if I was going to spend any time here.

I didn't know what I was going to do about it but I was going to do something. I didn't want to rely on Big Boy to take care of every detail, but I couldn't see a way out of putting the shitty job on him.

Speaking of shitty jobs, Fawne had surprised and delighted me by volunteering to take over running the castle. This was no small job; there were over a hundred servants, including the gardeners, and those that took care of the livestock.

The castle had its own barn for carriage and riding stock, and separate fields held animals intended for the Baron's table, plus a dairy barn. I didn't know how I felt about that; it seemed just a little to upper crusty for a good old boy like me. I didn't demand any changes, yet.

Frankly I didn't know enough about it to demand changes. That's why I was so happy when Fawne wanted the job. I had visions of letting her run the whole mess if she would.

The shit in the streets was on my mind though and I couldn't think of anyone better to ask for suggestions than Fawne. I tracked her down in a small study type room where she was going over some kind of paperwork.

"I need a suggestion, or maybe more than one," I said, as I entered the room.

"I hope I can help," she said.

It was a little embarrassing at first; discussing what to do about the shit getting too deep was not something I normally did, and I didn't like it in the least. Fawne listened to my tale of woe though and seemed to smile wider and wider as my discomfort became apparent to her. When I finished she didn't even take any time to think it over.

"Don't worry about it, I've already taken care of that?" she said.

I was stunned, or nearly so. I'd been wondering what to do about it all morning and she just said she'd already taken care of it. I couldn't help myself.

"But, how?"

"Pierre was a pig, he didn't care about it, even though he had men here who were supposed to keep at least the main streets clean. I sent for them and asked their lead man what the problem was. As I expected, there was no real problem, he and his men had discovered Pierre didn't pay it any attention so they had just stopped keeping it cleaned up," she said.

"Did you explain the error of their ways?" I asked.

"No, I didn't bother. They knew they weren't doing their job and needed no explanation. I simply told them that they'd be licking any shit off the boots of everyone in the castle if they didn't have the streets clean by this time next week.

"They'll also be acquiring large barrels and carts to pull around to every house or shop from now on so that people can empty their chamber pots into the barrels instead of throwing them onto the street. That will save having to shovel it up later," she said.

"Do you think they will wait for the wagon?" I asked.

"The ones that don't will be licking boots too, I made sure the word would get around. I don't think we'll have any trouble. Of course we can't train the horses, mules, and other animals to do better but that comes under the clean up men's duties too," she said.

I was amazed that she was doing so well already so I thanked her and got out of her hair. But the shitty problem kept gnawing at me.

What she had arranged would probably do the job, but sewers and toilets would be so much better. Come to think of it, my nose would appreciate it a lot if some accommodation for more baths or showers were made.

"I can almost feel you wanting to asks me something," Big Boy put into my head, and it nearly seemed like he was amused.

"Remember, you started this. How much trouble would a sewer system, running water, bathtubs, and showers be?" I asked, going for the whole deal in one question.

"As a matter of fact, nearly none. The biggest difficulty will be stretching their hovels to include a bathroom and that won't really be significant. While we're at it we might as well rearrange a few things; straighten out the streets, do a little city planning, that sort of thing.

"In fact, plumbing the castle will need the most attention. It will probably require some structural work. That's no bother either and actually, it needs some reinforcing anyway," Big Boy said, and he seemed almost eager.

"Will we need to move everyone out, like we had to do for my house?" I asked.

"No. It will be done in the morning, the only thing odd about it will be the violent thunderstorm just after sunset and everyone's urge to go home and go to bed. Of course there will be some questions in the morning," Big Boy told me.

"Excellent. I'm glad you're available to help me, I don't know a damned thing about being a Baron," I said.

"Actually it's duc in French, but the titles are nearly equivalent. You should also be thinking about a name for your holdings. Pierre was the "le Duc d'Aumale," but we have increased your holdings somewhat, and no doubt you will increase them even more in the next few days," Big Boy told me.

"How will I increase them?" I asked, skeptical at least.

"By conquest, of course."

"Do I need to start a war or something?" I asked.

"No, it will come to you. Pierre's and his son's deaths will bring nearby nobles to challenge your assumption of his lands," Big Boy explained.

"So I should prepare to defend this place?"

"You might want to let your head man know that two small armies are approaching, but he probably knows already, or suspects at least. Your main defenses have already been provided," Big Boy said.

"They have?"

"Yes, we took the liberty of expanding and upgrading your walls when we moved your home here. Nothing available in this time can do them damage.

"We estimate that the best policy would be to spread riflemen at positions on top of the wall, with the longer range rifles we have provided; then simply kill the leaders of those that are going to attack," Big Boy said, as if it were an everyday thing, and then I could tell he had gone.

He had an annoying way of doing that, but I guess it was for the best. It would be pointless for me to just ask him everything. There were people I could interact with and I probably should be doing more of it.

"Fawne, I have a feeling that we need to be watching for an attack from without," I said, hoping she could give me a clue.

"I've directed Geron to send scouts out. I know there will be an attack, I'm just not sure how soon. Surely they will come within a few days though," she said.

"Geron, who is Geron?" I asked.

"He is the leader of all the men within these walls, especially the fighting men. He is the one who was miraculously healed after Jaycee shot him," Fawne said.

"Oh, I didn't know his name," I said, feeling even dumber.

"Yes, he is actually quite a good one. He is very happy about the improvements to the walls too, very happy," Fawne said.

"I might just find him and make him even happier then," I said.

"Oh?"

"Yes, I've been assured of his complete loyalty and he might be a good one to share my firearms with," I said.

Fawne didn't comment, but she did call for someone named Gustav. He appeared at once and she rattled off instructions in French. After Gustav beat feet she explained that she'd sent him to fetch Geron. I found a chair and parked my ass.

Geron appeared shortly, bowing and scraping and asking my pleasure - in English this time. I didn't know if he'd been holding out on me the first time or if he'd had help in a crash course, otherworldly help at that. I didn't care which.

"Are you prepared to learn to use a new weapon?" I asked him.

"Anything for my Lord," he said.

"Come with me then," I said, and headed out the door.

I'd been intending to take him over to my house and introduce him to my underground rifle range. As we neared the ground floor I was internally guided toward a doorway that led only to stairs going down. Geron didn't seem surprised to be using the stairs so I figured things were still normal.

Things stopped being normal after we'd descended into an underground hall. I spotted the by now familiar glowing handprint that marked a doorway for me. Also, as was often the case, it opened an elevator. Geron and I entered, though he was very surprised by now.

When the elevator let us out we were in yet another basement's basement. It was an even larger underground firing range and it was humongous. The arrangements for rifles weren't so numerous, probably twenty-five stations, but there were stations for at least a hundred bowmen.

Another nearby glowing print showed me the way to the castle's new armory and I led Geron to it. He was in for more shocks inside and I was too, actually. The first thing I noticed was a rack with about fifty Barretts, the ultimate sniper rifle, and with alien improvements too.

Their scopes weren't nearly as impressive looking as models from my original Earth would have been, but they were a vast improvement. A little futzing with the lights let me see that their night vision capabilities were as good as everything else I'd grown accustomed too.

I had Geron grab one and I picked up some ammunition and ear protection for us; then back to the range we went.

I spent a few minutes explaining what it was and how to use it and then half an hour it in and fire it. He was doing respectably well out to five hundred yards before I decided enough was enough for today. Besides, I was counting on someone to have something ready for me to eat.

Someone did in fact have lunch ready, and not only the meal but also the dining room was impressive. The long beautiful hardwood table could have easily accommodated fifty people.

There weren't nearly that many today though, but all my down home friends were here, plus Fawne and there was a place for Geron too. He seemed slightly ill at east but Fawne told him something in his lingo and he settled down.

Tutsie's highstool had been brought over from the house but apparently it didn't suit Fawne in this setting. She was quick to explain that the error had been explained to the majordomo and he had craftsmen working on a suitable item for this dining room. The stool from my house was here on an emergency basis. Tutsie didn't seem annoyed in the least.

When food began arriving he showed that the decor of his stool was the last thing on his mind. I'll admit that it was way down on the list of worries for me too. The maids serving our meal had most of my attention.

I know what you're thinking, because it was the first thing that came to my mind too. Yes, by definition they were French maids, even though I'm not sure that was their official title. And yes, they were very attractive.

There must have been ten or eleven of them bringing food and drink and doing other maid things. They seemed to range from sixteen to nineteen, maybe as old as twenty. Every one was very attractive, but the French Maid uniform that I would have preferred was not on them. They were covered completely, or mostly so.

Jaycee finally caught on to the way I was looking them over.

"Why you dirty old man, you're disappointed that the French Maids aren't wearing what you were hoping for," she said, laughing at me.

"I wasn't really hoping for that, I hadn't even thought about it until I noticed how pretty they all were. Ok, after that I was wishing for them," I said.

"Hell, don't worry about it. Fawne and I will have a talk and I'll help her understand your requirements," Jaycee said, laughing again.

Fawne took her new responsibilities seriously. She gave me such a look and then hit Jaycee with a questioning one.

"Don't worry about it Fawne. He just wants his meal brought to him by nearly naked young girls," Jaycee said, and she even managed not to laugh this time.

Fawne looked at a couple of our servers and then smiled at me.

"We don't want to disappoint our new Lord. I shall make the adjustment," she said.

We paid more attention to the excellent food for a while. I noticed that one of the servers had decided she needed to stay with Tutsie and take care of his feeding so Meka could concentrate on her own plate. Tutsie seemed to be enjoying the extra attention and he waited politely for each morsel to be delivered.

I'd always heard that the French were fussy about food and this meal was the proof of the pudding. They weren't fussy with me but someone had been with the food, it was delicious.

We had many small portions but they were all different and all wonderful, to me at least. I wasn't exactly sure what I was eating but I know I had a dish of beef, pork, fish, and two different of fowl. Numerous soups, vegetables, and there were four different deserts. Of course I made a pig of myself, so much so that Jaycee and Fawne were both giggling about it before I was done.

"Fawn, I don't know what the cook or cooks are paid, but I want the salary of everyone that has anything to do with food doubled," I said.

"Very well, John, I'll see to it," she said, still smiling.

Apparently coffee had been brought over from my house and someone had been taught to make it. They'd been taught well and after we'd eaten I had plenty. Geron had done a respectable job on the groceries himself, but he had been completely quiet during the meal.

"Jaycee, I've given Geron his first lesson with a Barrett this morning but now that I think about it, I believe we should have several snipers ready for unannounced guest," I said.

"I'm glad you came up with that, I was going to mention it. Have you been up along the top of our wall?" she asked me.

"Not yet."

"You should take a look sometime, but I have to say that someone did an excellent job. The crenellation is wonderfully designed; the embrasures are firing stations made to provide super stable rifle rest. They're the perfect height for standing, they even had sandbags for rest, every one of them all the way around the walls," she said.

"Really. There are that many stations?" I asked.

"Yes there are, the merlons are five feet wide and the crenels are twenty-four inches wide," she said, grinning.

"Someone is going to get a very nasty surprise if we can get some men trained to use modern rifles. Geron caught on to the Barrett pretty quickly. If we have enough of the M1 type rifles we won't be bothered often," I said.

I told her about the firing range and armory that had been installed in the castle and when she volunteered to do most of the training. I was only too happy to put her in charge of things down there.

Taking the time to check out the top of the wall was my next trick. It was perfect, or at least it was better than I could have imagined. Of course I had no experience in this type of thing, but the way it was done seemed perfect to me.

Behind the top of the outer wall was an eight-foot walkway all the way around the circumference. The outer wall, above the walkway was three feet thick and the battlements were as Jaycee had described them. It would probably look a little odd to people of this time with the merlons being so much wider than the crenels but what the hell. I didn't really care how it looked. It was perfect for our weapons.

I didn't even consider walking all the way around it, since it was several miles. I did wonder that there were no cannons though, not even small ones. Of course the wall wasn't like Pierre had left it so maybe my friends had done away with any cannons. Pieces from this time wouldn't have been even nearly as effective as a few men armed with Barretts and a couple of mortars down on the ground anyway, still it seemed odd for a castle not to have cannons.

The only hope an attacker had of success was going to be extremely costly to them. It was easily thirty feet to the lowest point of the crenellations and they were only two feet wide. It would be a bitch for men on ladders to get anywhere with something like that.

Siege towers would have to be built for any hope of success and they'd have to be built at least a thousand yards from the wall or a few men with Barretts would keep them from being built at all. Out past a thousand yards the mortars could rain death for another two thousand yards at least.

My chances of remaining unharmed looked to be excellent. In this time period fighting had to be up close and personal. Of course there was a chance that large field pieces could be brought from somewhere, and I didn't have any knowledge of how far out they could set up and still get a round over the wall to do some damage. They had exactly zero chance of breaching the wall though.

"If you will spend a little time looking around under the castle you will find that they have exactly zero chance of doing anything to you," Big Boy sent me, but he didn't elaborate.

I didn't have any trouble figuring out what he meant though. There was other equipment that I hadn't found yet. Probably for the reason he mentioned. I hadn't looked past the armory and the new firing range.