Fire

Part 2

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The only problem after that first surprise meeting was that she never returned. Everything went back to its normal routine of me waiting to see her pass by outside my office window, and those times became less and less as Winter approached. I do remember two moments when she was hanging around near the front of the house with friends for a few minutes, but by Spring I was giving up hope of seeing her very much again. I thought maybe it had all been a cruel twist of luck that I'd gotten to see her at all.

I had no idea when her birthday was, but by the time Summer rolled around I assumed she was 12, or about to turn 12. With school out for the summer. I eagerly anticipated the days when she'd be around more playing with her friends, and she was, but not as often as the year before. The office window stayed open almost all the time so I could hear any hint of little girl voices or other activity that told me she might be around. Every sound had me jumping from my chair to look out. Most of the time I was rewarded with anything from a glimpse of her hair as she disappeared around the corner, or full view of her as she walked across my yard toward the house on the other side of the field.

By this time I wasn't sure if she lived next door or in that other house, but it didn't really matter. I'd see her coming or going, and my breath would catch each and every time. She wasn't the prettiest girl I'd ever seen, and neither was she unattractive, but whatever it was about her she had my complete and undivided attention any time she was in sight. And I still didn't know her name. Once I heard her little brother calling to her as she crossed me yard and he was still on the path in the field. He called to her twice but I never caught the name. If I could only have the chance to say hello to her and use her name, that would be awesome. Everyone likes it when you know their name, and I knew I had to find out.

The solution was in that house next door. It was now July 2005, almost a whole year since moving here, and I still had not gotten to know my neighbors beyond the occasional wave as they pulled out of their driveway. My wife (I had a wife at this time) had once or twice talked briefly with the lady of the house as she played with their dog Jack, but other than that the neighbors were pretty much strangers still. And that was about to change. It had to, not only for the sake of decency but to find out what that girl's name was! I know that sounds a bit cheesy in some ways, but my sole motive wasn't to get to the girl. I really did want to get to know the neighbors anyway.

The opportunity came to formally introduce myself to them in late July as I was working in my yard. They were setting up a tent-like structure with mosquito netting for walls, to sit under during nice weather. It was far too awkward to stay silent as we all worked in our yards like that, so I took a deep breath (I am not one to initiate things like this usually) and said something about them having the right idea with setting up a bug-proof shelter to enjoy the summer air. From that point on it was like we'd known each other forever. The neighors on the other side of me had said these people were unfriendly and rude. I found them to be quite nice, and we conversed for almost an hour. By the end of it, I was even invited to a birthday party to be held the following week at their house. Not bad for first contact. His name is Wendell and her name Eileen. I still did not know the girl's name, though. But that wasn't important at the moment since I was thoroughly enjoying meeting my neighbors finally.

A couple weeks later I was talking to Eileen, and the conversation naturally turned to the girl and her little brother. It turns out they are her grandchildren, and they live in the house across the field. Aha! So now the pieces are coming together. And the girl's name is Holly. Double aha! Now we're getting somewhere! I was able to get a small indication of Holly's personality as Eileen talked about her for a couple minutes, and I knew for sure that I wanted to get to know her.

Later in the summer I was clearing some brush at the back of my property when Holly came out to play with Jack the dog. I watched as she tossed a ball to him over and over again. And at one point the dog got curious about what I was doing, and wandered over to me. I love dogs, so I greeted him, welcoming the chance for a few seconds of face licks and dirty paws. Holly walked over with him. I said something like "He wants to play with me too", and that's when I first heard Holly's cute little giggle. She melted my heart with that giggle. She didn't say anything, just giggled and watched me fuss over the dog for a couple minutes. Then she headed back, getting Jack to follow her. For the next 10 minutes or so I watched as they played some more, until they went back to the house. It had been another brief encounter, the first once since the raffle ticket moment. I realized my heart was literally beating faster, and breathing was difficult. Holly affected me like this for some reason. Most young girls do affect me, but not like this. I really wanted to know her better.

Once again, though, Summer left us and school began again. This time it was almost worse than before, especially since I had gotten to know the situation better. The brief encounter with Holly a ffew weeks before left me wanting another one, but school days bring less sightings and less hope for sightings. I braced myself for the long Winter ahead, and hoped that maybe this year she'd be selling raffle tickets again. That would be excellent, for if she did then it was guaranteed I would do more than stumble my way through that encounter again. So I patiently waited for December, which I figured might be ticket season for the kids.

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One evening in October, after dark, I was in my basement puttering around when I heard young voices outside. The kids weren't usually around after dark, so I went to the basement window and peeked through the curtain inconspicuously to see them just hanging around the garage under the light, talking and goofing off like kids do. I don't know why they were there but I certainly didn't mind watching them. There were three girls, including Holly, and a boy who looked to be a little older than the girls. One of the girls had long, brown hair, and was on the heavy side but not too heavy. Another girl was blonde and slim; not bad looking at all from what I could see. In fact she was quite nice to look at. But my focus was on Holly, my eyes following her every move. She talked, she laughed, she was goofy, she was serious. It was a perfect moment to get to know her from a distance. After about five minutes they went into Holly's grandparents house, and I sat down to replay the whole scene in my head over and over again. It was almost as good as having been out there with them. And that blonde... she was cute.

The next evening, my wife and I were out for a couple hours, and when we returned around around 9pm, Holly and her friends were again outside, this time on the step doing the same goofing off and hanging as the night before. My wife, being the more outgoing one who never passes up the chance to interact with people of any age, said hi to them, and I expected them to respond with a half-sincere hello as kids in a group usually do. It's almost as if they look at us adults and say "yeah, what are you saying hello to us for?". But to my eternal surprise they all shouted hi back, with what sounded like actual friendly enthusiasm! But that's the effect my wife has on people sometimes. She has that gift.

Being the perpetually uncertain, pessimistic and reclusive person I am, I was happy to let my wife do the interacting. Being the perpetually outgoing and confident person that she is, simply saying hello isn't enough. Her next words to the kids were, "Nice night for a bonfire!" In milliseconds my brain is thinking all sorts of things like: "why did you go and say a thing like that for?; the kids will laugh at us old people wanting to hang out with them; I hope they don't say yes", etc.

The kids went nuts saying yes! "Okay! Let's do it! Can we, pleeease?", and so on. My wife looks at me, and I simply said that it was a little late to be getting a fire going, and I'm tired, etc. I knew the kids wouldn't be sticking around long anyway, so why waste time with it? My wife turned to them and, me thinking she was going to say sorry, and that would be the end of it, she says, "Well, how 'bout tomorrow night then, if it's nice out?"

The kids went nuts again with their approval, and I looked around for something to kill myself with. Why? Because really, as much as I would have loved to get closer to Holly, I wasn't sure I wanted to really do it. After what happened with Cherise two years earlier [a long story from earlier in the book I'm writing], I just wanted to stay away from any potential trouble. I know myself, and I know I can't behave. My wife, though, never thinks of these things. She KNOWS I like young girls, and yet she does something like invite them over to a bonfire where we will all be within inches of each other. Somebody shoot me! My only hope was for rain the next night, and lots of it.

Naturally, as Lady Luck likes to torment me, the weather was very nice the next night. I secretly hoped the girls would have forgotten about the bonfire idea, or at the very least didn't really care, and therefore it would never happen. All day there had actually been a knot in my stomach at the thought that I would probably be sitting or standing very close to Holly that evening. As great a prospect as that was, it had me debating with myself as to whether I should just say no, there will be no bonfire at all, or just doing it and getting it over with. As it turns out, I had no choice.

Around 8pm I began to relax a little, thinking that if it was going to happen it would've started by now. My wife had gone out for awhile, expecting to be back between 8 and 8:30, and I heard nothing from next door; no kids voices or any sign of activity. I thought maybe I was going to be off the hook this time, and was thinking about breathing a sigh of relief. Then, maybe two minutes after 8, as I worked in my office, I did hear a voice or two outside. I turned off the light in my office, hoping they wouldn't notice that I was there. This was equivalent to covering your face and hoping you can't be seen because your face is covered.

Sure enough, there was a knock at my door. As scary as it was for me, I couldn't help thinking it was the first time Holly had come to my door since the raffle ticket moment almost a year earlier. My insides were churning with mixed feelings over the unknown. This was it. This was a major turning point, actually havinng Holly over for something more than a brief sales pitch or visit with the dog. This was a "date" with Holly; and her friends. All this and more was rushing through my mind as I walked toward the door.

There she was with the heavy-set friend, andas soon as I opened the door she excitedly asked, "Are we gonna have a bonfire tonight?", all smiles, and eyes lit up in anticipation of me saying yes. I told her we would, and that I was waiting for my wife to return before starting. The two girls asked when that would be, and I told them it should be in the next half hour or so. They seemed slightly disapointed in having to wait, but they were still glad to know we'd be doing it.

The whole time I was talking to the girls at the door, I kept hearing a soft voice somewhere in the darkness near the corner of my house, giggling wildly while asking desperately for help. I looked, and there was the slim blonde girl with one foot stuck in some mud where my yard collects water and stays soft. She was trying to get unstuck, but the more she struggled the worse it got. Holly looked back at her and laughed, and then went to help her. She pulled her out, but her shoe was left behind! Holly reached down and pulled it out, caked heavy with mud. I felt bad, and quite responsible for ruining the poor girl's shoe. I asked her if she wanted me to turn on the hose to rinse it off, but she declined, wiping it off the best she could on the grass. They were laughing over it, thankfully.

They went back next door, and my brain went into space. I really had nothing prepared for a bonfire event, having expected it to never happen, so I found myself having to improvise. While waiting for my wife to come home I went to the basement and started cutting up some wood; any wood. There were two-by-four studs, perfectly good, to be used for some wall repairs I had to make. They were transformed into foot-long pieces of firewood. I gathered it all up into one of those big blue recycling containers, and carried it outside. My wife came home near the end of these preparations,and she had stopped to buy some marshmallows for toasting over th fire. She thinks of everything.

So I went out and started the fire, and the girls came over along with the slightly older boy. I found out the other girl's names were Amy and Jennifer. I heard the boy's name but I don't remember it. Holly was wearing a form-fitting jacket and pants to match that really showed off her assets quite nicely. She had the slightest little bumps on her chest that would make any man drool who would admit to himself that young girls are hot! And Holly's great sense of humor flowed freely. At one point I went to get chairs for us all, and as I approached with them Holly blurts out, "Look! A chair!", as if it was something she'd only heard about and never seen. Maybe you had to be there, but the way she said it was funny.

It was a fairly uneventful bonfire. Me, being the guy who has no clue how to make a good time, sat there stressing over the fact that Holly was sitting right beside me! My wife, the social dynamo, kept what little conversation there was going, but it felt like the kids expected more. Maybe I should've brought out my guitar for some singalongs. Maybe we should have told scary stories; I don't know. But we did have some nice snippets of conversation. Holly thought it cool that I was a former semi-prominent songwriter/musician in a past life. She herself plays sax, and likes Jazz, which surprised me for a girl her age.

And as the evening grew cooler, she would mention how cold she was getting, and I noticed that she'd inch her chair closer to the fire, but also a little closer to me. Eventually she was actually right up against my left side, and leaning on me for a little extra warmth. This was more than I ever could have hoped for. Whether it was simply the moment, and it would never be like this again, I didn't know. But for the time being, I soaked it up and stored it in my memory for safekeeping.

Across from me and slightly to my left was Jennifer, the blonde whose shoe was muddied earlier that evening. She was wearing jeans and a denim jacket over a pink sweatshirt. Her hair wasn't quite halfway down her back, and I loved how it fell across her shoulders as she sat there, the firelight flickering on her face. I couldn't help but keep looking at her with quick glances so as not to arouse suspicion that I found her so attractive. One of those glances was caught by someone, though. She herself caught me looking. And when her eyes met mine, we both froze for a few seconds. Something shot through me, and she didn't take her eyes off me right away as I would expect. The moment was the briefest of moments, but it was intense. I shrugged it off in my mind as me liking what I saw so much that I only imagined the reciprocation of atraction. My intentions were for Holly and I to hit it off. Jennifer was new to me, and not likely to be seen again after this night.

I asked her how her shoe was, and if she was able to get it clean enough to salvage, and she said yes, it was fine. She had also mentioned earlier that she played guitar, too, so I asked her how long she'd been playing, and offered lessons if no one else was teaching her. She said she was taking lessons from somebody already, so that was that. Nice try, though.

We stuffed ourselves with marshmallows, fed the fire with all that good wood, and had a decent time all in all. Around 9:30 they all had to go, so they all said good-night, thanking me and my wife for the good time, and they were gone. My wife went inside as well, and I sat there for a while by myself watching the flames burn low, and the embers glowing. That's when I heard a soft voice behind me say, "Hey".

It was Jennifer! Not Holly, as I would've hoped, but Jennifer! I was almost back to my babbling idiot self when I saw her there, in the darkness, a very faint glow on her face from the dying fire. She was beautiful from head to toe. And she was shivering a little. She said she was still cold, but wanted to just come back to talk for a while. She liked the time we had, and didn't really want to go when the rest of them left. And just as I was going to reach for some sticks to bring the fire up again, she came right over and wrapped herself around me inside my jacket to get warm.

Not knowing exactly what to make of this development, I went with it to see how it was supposed to end up. My wife could have easily come out at any second and seen me in the arms of a 12-year old girl in the darkness of a dying fire. Still, I didn't stop it; we were doing nothing wrong. I held her there, holding my jacket around her, keeping her warm. It was definitely an awkward moment - although a very welcome awkward moment. She shivered a little for a couple minutes but eventually stopped. Being tall for her age, my chin rested against the side of her head; her hair. The feel of her against me, me keeping her warm. And she said "This is nice."

Do ya think!?!?

Another minute went by, she looked up and said "Thanks", then gave me an extra little squeeze before she stepped back and said she really had to go for real. I told her she was very welcome; any time! Then she asked if she could come visit me some time. I said she could, having gone completely mad at this point, and then she was gone into the night.

I have no words to express the feeling that I was left with. It was so out of the blue and out of this world. I didn't know if she really come back to visit, but either way this night would stay in my head forever

It was October 28, 2005.