Chapters

He had that All-American Boy look-- broad shoulders, perfect teeth, dark brown hair so perfectly feathered Molly Ringwald must have cut it. He was beside, her explaining the Pythagorean Theorem except both of them had long stopped caring about A ² or B ² . He was close, too close. She could feel his body heat, smell his sweat. '17.' She reminded herself over and over, 'get a grip, he's 17.' He was so close she could smell his breath; hell, she could taste it--cool, mint-y. His hand touched her shoulder. Her hand touched his chest. An alarm rang somewhere…

"Elaine!"

Yvonne shook her awake, back into the present, "Come on. I thought you had a test this period. I can't believe you slept through lunch."

The bell; the alarm in her dream was the 5th period bell. She should have realized she was dreaming. In reality, they had not gotten that close to a kiss. Close enough, she reminded herself. Close enough that he had withdrawn from the school at the end of that semester without giving notice. She should have resigned; nearly did but--to her own guilt and shame--could not leave the profession or the school. This was her career, her life's joy and without it she was not sure where she would go or what she would do. She never wanted to risk personal interaction with a student again after that; these kids were adolescents and it did not take much to give them the wrong idea. Several boys had had crushes on her before that and since but no one had made her feel like... Instead, she had slowly changed her persona and her look moving from the light flirty skirts of her slender youth to dark severe suits with long skirts or pants. She kept her long hair braided and twisted into a neat, positively librarian bun. The style seemed more suited to a middle-age frame that was by no means fat but definitely past its prime. At any rate, she rarely left campus anymore apart from the required vacations twice a year and the blind dates to which Yvonne and some of the other teachers dragged her.

She shook her head and tried to gather her books and her wits. She did not want to think about this, she did not have time to think about this. She hurried to her classroom to administer the chapter 12 geometry tests.

Around her, the student body of Peterson Boarding Academy rushed or shuffled to various academic pursuits. As she passed the principal's office, his secretary, Gail, waved her in.

"Got a test, Gail, can it wait?"

Gail rolled her eyes and handed Elaine a piece of paper, "Here. He's the new math department junior to take over the level one classes for you."

"About damn time."

"I know, but…" her phone rang, "damn. Wait, wait."

"Gotta go." Elaine headed for the door.

"Ok, ok." Gail picked up the receiver and smothered the mouthpiece against her chest, "He's here already but Dan's giving him the grand tour. He'll stop by your room after 6th."

"Got it. Thanks."

Elaine glanced at the resume as she dodged a group of students. Nothing special jumped out at her except that Mr. Williams was a new graduate. 'Just what I need' she thought as she opened her door, 'another damn student.'

***

In her severe suits and conservative demeanor, she had earned the nickname "the undertaker"--especially on test days. She did have a reputation for being stern and hard to please; students congratulated each other on "surviving" her classes. Still, she knew they were learning and they knew she cared; three graduating classes had named her teacher of the year.

She had not always been the strict one; ten years ago, she often let her hair down--literally as well as figuratively. But after…she stopped her thoughts deliberately. Past is past. She made the changes she made because they were necessary.

She stood up, startling herself if not the test takers, and began walking between the rows of desks. She forced her concentration on her students--who needed help, who should move to the advanced classes, who was cheating. She heard the soft tap of folded paper hitting the floor and shifted over a row. She was able to arrive just in time to slip the note out of Wilson's fingers. Wilson's eyes darted to his right to Tran and Elaine realized that the contents of the note probably had nothing to do with math. "My desk, after class" she said just above a whisper, "Both of you." Sheepish responses came from a pair of embarrassed students and she continued down the row. After the test, she lectured them both soundly and gave them a week's worth of detention separately--the note specified what they would do if left to their own devices.

During the next class, Elaine had an easier time keeping her thoughts on the present. The algebra lesson plan was more active and more complicated. She was gratified when, as the bell rang, more students looked hopeful than hopeless. A few had specific questions and stayed late to get detailed help on the blackboard. As they worked, Elaine slowly became aware of someone waiting by the door. She paid them no attention. In the classroom, she focused on the students first; everyone else could wait. One of the girls turned, gave a short gasp and dropped her chalk. Her friends giggled and the three began whispering. Elaine struggled to re-focus them on the problem at hand and snuck a peak at the boy--only a boy could have caused that kind of reaction.

Not a boy; a man. Adonis.

Adonis was leaning against the doorframe of her classroom.

Adonis stood in the doorway of her class and grinned at her.

Shoulder-length wavy dark brown hair clasped neatly at the nape of his neck. Glasses served to frame a pair of lovely brown eyes. A well-trimmed beard and mustache accented a strong jaw line and chin carved out of marble. A suit graced the body and if it was not designed to fit that broad chest and tapered waist, then it was certainly damn well tailored.

Adonis stood there. And grinned. At her.

Elaine swallowed hard as lust--it may have been a while but there was no mistaking that feeling--lust turned off half of her brain cells. Thank God for Johnson who was still working on a problem on the board and asking for help. Elaine turned back to the students and managed to keep focused through the procedure.

Davis whispered at one point, "Who is he?"

She whispered back "I don't know. Probably someone's parent."

Davis glanced at him again and shook her head, "I don't know. Nobody's dad looks like that."

Elaine was inclined to agree--he looked distinctly un-parent-like. When the students were all more confident with the work--and Elaine felt capable of looking at him again--she dismissed them and watched them leave the room.

He was still standing there, still grinning. Still Adonis.

She made a show of straightening her desk to hide her own growing grin. When he did not speak, she ventured, "May I help you?"

"Yeah." His voice was as lovely as the rest of him, a smooth rich baritone that threatened to buckle Elaine's knees.

She waited for him to continue. He did not. She looked at him, he at her; he kept grinning. Either he was psychotic or his face was paralyzed. It was at once distressing and arousing. Something about it was vaguely familiar. Maybe he was not a parent but a sibling? He seemed to want something; she desperately wished it were herself. That grin was spine tingling. 'Has it been that long since I was attracted to someone?' she wondered, 'Am I that much of a spinster?' She ran out of papers to shuffle and looked directly at him. It was like looking directly at the sun.

"I'm very sorry but I do have other things to do…" which could have included staring at him all year, "…I am Ms. Beaugoud, Head of the Math Department here. You are…?"

"Curt." He grinned even wider as if the name were the question and the answer in one.

Gorgeous as he was, Elaine was beginning to find the conversation a bit one sided. "Is that a name or an adjective?"

It took him a pair of seconds to get the reference then his maddening grin changed to a velvet laugh that Elaine would have given her right arm to hear again. He actually blushed then and ducked his head, "Curt Williams, ma'am." The gesture was definitely familiar but the name was not, "Curtis Williams."

"I see." 'Can a god be named Curtis'? She thought. Aloud she asked, "And you are…?"

That froze him, actually broke through whatever secret joke he was telling, "You--you don't know who…" He stood upright then, his whole manor changing from confident, controlled to off-balance, and unsure. "I thought you'd…" he trailed off.

Without that grin charming her witless, Elaine's brain began to function and she remembered the resume. "Oh, yes, Mr. Williams." She shifted through one of the new stacks of paper and pulled it out, "Mr. T. Curtis Williams, my new first level math teacher. I'm so sorry. Gail did tell me that you would be stopping by."

"Uh, yeah." He seemed about to say something then abruptly closed his mouth.

She watched him for a moment. He looked like a kid being sent to the principal's office for the first time. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

He actually shuffled his feet, "No ma'am."

She waited in silence for another minute. It was fascinating; clearly, he had planned to 'wow' her with his charm or his looks or something and somehow she had undone the whole idea. 'Well. Beaugoud Ends Fun. Again.' she thought 'Not that I deserve a break.' She sighed deeply, "Ok, Mr. Williams, this meeting is simply formality--since Dan has already hired you--to give you and I a chance to speak before you meet the rest of the department over dinner. Tomorrow night you'll meet the full faculty and staff and Friday we'll have a student-faculty ice cream social. We find this approach very effective for starting everyone off on good terms."

"Yes ma'am." Her heart ached over that 'ma'am'; it made her feel four hundred not forty.

"I can read this anytime," she dropped the resume on her desk, "What should I know about you that's not on this paper?"

His brow knit for a moment, presumably working out the best answer to the question. "You really don't know who I am?"

"Should I?" She must; why was he so damn familiar?

"I would think so but I don't know if, I mean, it wouldn't be my first bad idea, coming back here."

"Coming back? You were a student?"

"Yeah." He shrugged, "I didn't graduate from here; my mother pulled me out. Behavior problems, she said." He shrugged again "I did some bad things over Spring break and Mom overreacted."

"What did you do?"

He blushed again and ducked his head down. When he looked back at her, he was grinning again, "I came home with a 'thing' for older black women."

And then she saw it. With his head tilted just so, smiling at her. "T. Curtis" she whispered, "Thomas." Her knees did give way then and if her chair had not been in front of her, she would have fallen. She felt dizzy and had to grope around to pull the chair out. He was still speaking but she was not listening. She was remembering a hundred times he had given her that look and said something wonderful. All the times her heart leapt to see it. 'Of all the gin joints...' she thought. Then she was sitting and he was beside her, holding her hand. He was calling her by name. "Thomas." She whispered again.

"Oh God! Jesus! Elaine, are you ok?"

"Why did you come back?" She managed not to say 'to me'

"I wanted to see you." He just blurted out. He hesitated then, "I wanted to know if…if I still love you."

'Still'? She closed her eyes. This had to be a dream. She opened her eyes again and his face was above hers, worry creasing his forehead. She wanted to tell him that he could not love her--that the idea was logically, physically, ethically impossible--but when her lips parted she asked, "Do you?"

His lips hovered just above hers. Cinnamon. His breath smelled like cinnamon this time. His lips were soft and his mustache tickled a little. She parted her lips slightly and felt the tip of his tongue touch hers. She pulled her hand from his and slid her arms around him. If this moment were the end, if this was where her career died, it would be worth it to hold him. His hands were on her face and in her hair, undoing the carefully pinned bun. She could not breathe or a least could not catch her breath. He called her name. And again.

It did finally occur to her that he could not kiss her like that and call her name at the same time. He pulled back still holding her face.

The voice called her name again, "Are you there?"

The intercom. She fished the receiver out of her desk drawer with one hand. "Yes, Gail?" She was just a bit dizzy.

"Are you coming down here?"

"Down where?"

"Down to the office? Senior staff meeting?" Thomas grinned at her; she stared back. Gail's voice hailed again, "Hello? Elaine, are you ok?"

"Fine." She took a deep breath, "I'll be down in a minute." She started to put the handset away then stopped, "Gail?"

"Yes?"

"Should Tho--should Curtis attend the staff meeting?"

"No, send him to my office. I'll keep him entertained. Have you seen him yet?"

"Yes." Thomas' grin widened and he blushed. "I'm seeing him now."

"Oh Christ" Gail's embarrassment carried through the handset, "Just get down here."

Thomas leaned in and kissed her again before she could move. Their tongues twisted around each other. She thought for a while that maybe eating and sleeping were overrated; maybe she could just stay here like this for all eternity. But the intercom called her name again and interrupted this kiss as well. How he could continue grinning like that when she had trouble thinking straight was beyond her. She sighed deeply and pushed the handset button again, "Yes, Gail?"

"Bring your budget."

"Thank you." She put down the handset. And put her fingers on Thomas' lips before he could kiss her again. "Do you know what they do to teachers who touch their students?"

"That was nearly ten years ago." He kissed her hand, "Believe me, I counted every minute."

"We can't do this." Elaine pushed free of him and stood up. Her legs were as shaky as her will. "I can't do this. How can I teach ethics if I don't have any?"

"You didn't do anything," he threw up his hands, "Hell, I never got a chance to try anything."

"Doesn't matter." She restacked all the paper on her desk. The budget copies were in her office. She moved toward the door.

"Tell me you don't want this."

"I don't."

Thomas stepped into her path, blocking her, "Tell me you don't want me as much as I want you."

"I have a meeting. They're waiting." She looked at the door, the floor, the anything but him.

"Elaine," he put one hand on her shoulder and lifted her chin with the other, "Look me in the eyes and say you don't love me the way I love you." His touch was electric--she could not tell if it was agony or ecstasy.

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She knew that she could say the words but she could not mean them. Instead, she said, "This is a scene from a bad romance novel." He let her go then, the grin gone and she practically fled down the hall and the two flights of stairs to her office.

Once inside with the door shut, she let herself cry for a minute. It was absurd--abruptly she knew the truth. That kiss had told her as much as it told him. She had not been penitent all those years, hiding behind a conservative nearly prudish manner. She had been waiting for him; waiting for legality to catch up with a relationship that morality would not touch. That thought scared her. She was truly so ethically bankrupt that she was considering a student as a lover--and had been for years. Time was offering her a loophole--she could have him now, publicly, no strings attached. They never touched; while there had been some potentially compromising moments, they never actually shared anything inappropriate. She had sinned in her heart--repeatedly--but not once in the flesh. But her conscience knew the truth. This relationship started when he was a child under her care.

How could she overlook that?

She pondered the thought as she wiped her face, found her budgets and walked over to the administrative wing. As she neared the office, she could hear Gail laughing. Elaine opened the door to find Gail, barefoot, sitting on the edge of her desk while Thomas knelt on the floor in his shirtsleeves. His jacket and tie lay crumpled in a pile with Gail's shoes.

"Hi!" Gail giggled, "Is he insane, or what?"

Thomas stood up, "I was explaining to Ms. Clark why I don't work in pre-schools anymore."

Elaine found her eyes traveling over his chest and along the visible muscles in his arms and shoulders. A warm shudder passed through her; she wished he would put his jacket back on. "I see." She finally managed to say, "Are the others in the conference room?"

"Yeah." Gail's face went quizzical, "What happened to your hair."

Elaine touched it and realized that Thomas' fingers had not only undone the bun but also teased loose most of the braid as well. She glared at him; he bit his lip to keep from grinning. She forced a smile that felt wrong and tried not to sound bitter, "Have fun" and then went into the conference room before either of them could reply.

Inside, Dan and the other departmental heads were already discussing preliminary changes that Elaine cared deeply about yesterday but had lost their importance now. She took the empty chair that Yvonne routinely saved for her and tried to stop thinking about Gail and Thomas. She felt a soft prodding at her elbow and realized that Yvonne was passing her a notepad. She pushed it back, acutely aware of having given detention to students for the same activity.

***

The meeting was two hours of hell. As if a budget meeting was ever fun. This one included by department changes, which were mandated by the Board. The only positive news for Elaine was that her request to expand her department was approved although now she was less than pleased with the decision. The meeting ended with plenty of time for her to attend the "Welcome Curtis" dinner. No one was in the office as she left the conference room and it was abundantly clear to Elaine that she did not want to know if Thomas and Gail were not in the dinning hall. As Elaine left the building, she turned instead toward the teacher's dorms, not really caring if anyone noticed.

Yvonne caught up with her and they walked in silence for a while. Finally, Yvonne cleared her throat, "You're not usually late for meetings."

Elaine hoped that Yvonne was going to let this drop, "No, I'm not."

"Your hair's undone, you know."

"Why does everyone care about my hair?" Elaine snapped. She sounded guilty even to herself, "The pins slipped. That's all."

"Oh." Yvonne accepted the answer casually. They were silent for another few feet. Then, "So what do you think of Curtis?"

Elaine managed to swallow her first answer and clinched her jaws tight. 'I will not be jealous of an imagined flirtation over someone I shouldn't even be considering in the first place.' She thought, 'This is not happening.'

"Elaine?"

"I do not want to discuss it." She snapped. They reached her building and Elaine opened the front door intent on slamming it shut--except that Yvonne lived in the rooms next to hers.

"What's to discuss?" Yvonne sounded confused but as they took the stairs to their floor, her tone changed to suspicion, "Unless you mean that the tussled hair and Curtis are related."

Elaine did not answer; Yvonne seemed to have no problem connecting all of this by herself.

"I was thinking, 'hmmm, Elaine must have finally given it to that cute Latin groundskeeper and that's why she's late and looks like she just got out of bed.' So when you said to drop it, I switched to a neutral topic--the new guy." Yvonne stepped into Elaine's door as if she'd been invited and made herself comfortable on the couch, "So what your behavior is telling me, unless you want to correct me, is that the hair was tussled by the new guy." Yvonne waited smugly for a reply.

"Nothing happened." Elaine sank into the armchair and wished it would swallow her whole.

"Curtis did not tussle the hair?"

Elaine closed her eyes and mentally gave up. She was eventually going to tell Yvonne everything anyway; she might as well do it now. "Yvonne?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

Yvonne sat up straight, half-indignant, half-amused, "Excuse me?"

"This is complicated so just shut up and listen and let me get the whole thing out before you comment, ok?"

"I had no idea this was…"

Elaine cut her off, "It's not. It's not cute or juicy or whatever. It's ugly and I just want to get it over with before you pry the whole thing out of me one piece at a time."

"Ok." Yvonne sounded a little more reserved.

"Ok." Elaine took a deep breath, "For starters, nothing happened."

"Today."

"Or then. When we first met. Nothing ever happened. I think that's the only way I've been able to live with myself. Nothing ever happened."

"What are you talking about?"

"Thomas and I know each other."

"Curtis."

"Curtis is his middle name; when I knew him, he was Thomas."

"And you're sure it's the same guy?"

"He's sure." Elaine paused and remembered the first time she saw him so long ago and the man she saw today, "I haven't checked his fingerprints but I know. It's him."

"Ok. You know Curtis. And?"

"And," Elaine stood up, "And it was about ten years ago and." She began pacing.

"Ten years ago he would have been in high school and I know you were here. So where did you meet?"

Elaine stopped pacing and looked at the floor; she knew Yvonne would make the obvious connection and she did not have to wait long.

"He was a student here." Yvonne's voice was drained of its earlier humor. "Exactly what constitutes 'nothing'?"

"No physical contact I didn't have with any student. We danced at the prom once but I danced with everyone who got A's that year. We used to talk a lot but never alone--always in public, in the open, the dinning hall, the library. Not on the phone or secret notes or things like that. Usually there was a group of kids. I though it was just me having some sort of bad phase. He'd say exactly what I was thinking or just what I needed to hear and I'd just…" She shivered, remembering. "I thought when he graduates, this will just go away. And he never seemed aware of it. I mean, he'd give me that smile and I'd--oh, God, I'd just melt. But he smiled like that at half the girls on campus. He had a little harem practically. He always had a girlfriend."

"So then why is this a problem?"

"I was tutoring. We had just started the tutoring program."

"You don't tutor. It's practically a law."

"This is why. I had five kids on my initial roster; he was one of them." Elaine sat down, "Everything was fine. He was already a 'B' math student but he kept insisting that he really wanted to understand it the way I did. He knew he could be an 'A' student if he just saw it clearly." She started pacing again. "So, we went over a few problems, we talked about his weak points. We were going over the theorems and he was sitting on the desk next to me and all of a sudden, I don't know--he wasn't a student, I wasn't a teacher. All I could think of was those lips touching mine and then the bell rang and we both must have jumped ten feet.

"And after that?"

"I told Dean Hunter--you remember him? I told him that same afternoon that I was uncomfortable with the tutoring program because of some personal issues and I didn't want to go into detail. He drew his own conclusions and pulled me out of the program.

"What about Curtis? What did you…"

"Nothing! After that, I avoided him like the plague. In class, I couldn't avoid him but I stopped going anywhere I thought I might see him."

"I see."

"I couldn't trust myself. I was afraid of giving in…" like she did in the classroom today, "…and doing something I'd regret. And then spring break came and everyone left." Elaine closed her eyes and remembered the relief and pain of watching him leave. "He came back just long enough to withdraw. After that I never saw him again and never felt like that about any other student." She let out a rueful laugh, "I never felt that way about anyone else."

Yvonne ignored it, "Why did he withdraw?"

"I don't know." Elaine shrugged, "Hunter handled it and he wouldn't discuss it. Just said that his mother had some issues and it was best for all concerned if Thomas moved on."

Yvonne thought about it all for a moment, her brow furrowed as she unconsciously bit one fingernail. Elaine moved on automatic to her kitchenette, pulled two iced coffees out of the fridge and placed one on the table in front of Yvonne. Then she wandered over to the window and watched the dusk sky settle over the campus. Somewhere in a building she could not see from here, Gail was laughing at one of Thomas' jokes. Undoubtedly, he was grinning at her. At Gail--pretty, blonde, petite, sexy, young….

"Not black." Elaine said.

"Come again?" Yvonne looked at her oddly and Elaine had to think for a second because she had not realized that she'd spoken out loud.

"Oh. Gail. She's not black."

"No," Yvonne looked as confused as she sounded, "she's not."

"Sorry." Elaine started pacing again, "Something vague Thomas said about having a thing--he said--for older black women."

"That would let Gail out."

"Yes, well I guess his tastes have changed."

"Ok. I'm trying to figure this out," Yvonne reached for her drink, "because I can see you're really upset." She took a pair of thoughtful swallows, "Correct me if I'm wrong, he was one of those kids that fool you? You know the ones, if you saw them on the street, you'd swear he was 21?"

Elaine shrugged, "I don't know. I guess." She shook her head, "It doesn't matter. I knew how old he was."

"Ok, ok, I got that." Yvonne took another swallow, "And--and I need to be clear--this is not some pedophilia thing, right? You haven't been checking out the 7th graders, or anything, right?"

The idea was vile, "They're, what, 12?" Elaine glared at Yvonne, "I'm serious here; why would you even suggest that? He was 17. I mean that's age of consent in some states. Unless, of course, you're his teacher, in which case, it's practically treason."

"Just checking."

"Teachers go to jail over this sort of thing."

"I know." Yvonne finished her drink in one long pull, "So it was this kinda Harlequin romance novel cover thing with a 15-year old--you leaned in too far and your lips sort of met?"

"He was 17 and the bell rang before we made contact. But, yeah, it felt like that."

"And there was no other inappropriate contact ever."

"Never. Until that moment, I thought it was just some weird thing about me. Even after, I wasn't entirely sure if he felt it too." She shivered feeling the sensation of his lips on hers, "I wasn't sure until today."

"Ok then, I'm lost. You are upset because you did not touch a student you should not have touched. Is he accusing you of something?"

"No!" Elaine's pacing was becoming frantic, "No! Don't you see? I tried to kiss a student; I wanted to kiss a student."

"But you didn't kiss a student"

"Who would believe that?"

"If you didn't kiss him, no harm, no foul." Yvonne banged the empty bottle on the table, "Quit pacing! You're making me dizzy!"

Elaine dropped onto the corner of the table with a mumbled apology. "I thought this was over. Why'd he come back here?"

"Judging by the look of your hair, to collect his missed kiss." Yvonne ignored Elaine's icy stare, "Did he?"

The last thing Elaine wanted to think about was holding him and those lips smoldering against her own. "Yes." She said shortly and picked up the empty bottle.

Yvonne followed her into the kitchette, "Well?"

"Well what?" Elaine kept her back turned while she looked randomly through the nearly empty cabinets. She was not hungry--not for dinner at least.

Yvonne finally reached over and held the cabinet door shut, "Well, was it worth a ten year wait?"

She really did not want to answer that one. It was worth a twenty year wait--a life time--but you know the fruit's forbidden when it tastes that good. "It was a kiss." She tried to remain matter of fact.

"Just a kiss."

"Just a kiss. That's all."

"Ok, Miss 'It was just a kiss that's all', why are you here in a mild panic and worried about Gail instead of at dinner with Mr. Kisser? A dinner that was planned, I should add, for your department."

"You aren't being helpful." Elaine let go of the cabinet and went back into the living room, "I'm going to bed now. Thanks so much for all your advice."

"I haven't given any yet."

"I know." Elaine sighed and rubbed her temples, "Good night, Yvonne."

"Fine." Yvonne rolled her eyes. She paused on the way out to snag the coffee Elaine left on the windowsill and waved it at her, "Call if you need anything." She stopped again at the door, "Honestly, I think you're being too hard on yourself. If you guys had done anything that even appeared out of order, Hunter would have nailed you to a tree! If you really didn't do anything, then you have nothing to worry about. And I saw him this morning; frankly, if it were me he was 'just kissing', I'd shut up and enjoy it." She left, closing the door and leaving Elaine more conflicted.

Elaine did shower and change into her favorite PJ's but instead of going to bed, she sat at her desk and reviewed her lesson plans for the next week or so. It was difficult to concentrate; thoughts of Thomas/Curtis kept drifting in and out. She struggled to continue working but it was hard with Thomas nibbling her ears and Curtis kissing her toes. When they both began to caress her aching nipples, she woke with a start, more aroused than she could ever remember being. Her heart was pounding. Her whole body throbbed. She went to bed, then--it was close to midnight anyway--and masturbated herself to sleep. The orgasm was a release but not satisfying and she drifted to sleep wondering if sex was more important than ethics.

Elaine woke late from a restless sleep knowing that her dreams had been about him. She took a cold shower, which only served to irritate her even more, then carefully braided and twisted her hair into a tight bun. She dressed in her least flattering suit in hopes of dampening her ardor. She grabbed a cup of coffee in the Teacher's lounge on the way to her first class.

Most of the students had beaten her there--which was a first for her--and as she entered the room, none of them noticed her. They were all focused on the blackboard and the drawing of a pool table. Thomas stood in the middle of the bunch animatedly explaining how understanding geometry had made him a better pool shooter. He was so completely engrossed with the students that he did not see her. But she saw that gleam in his eye and knew this was real. He was not just trying to get close to her--he really was a math teacher. Which sounded paranoid. Then, her heart was racing again; he looked like a god, he taught math, and he wanted her. He would be perfect if there were not a question of breached ethics hanging over her head. 'I can't do this' she thought 'I can't stand next to him.' She took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of her nerves.

"I'm so glad," She said in as firm a voice as she could muster, "that our new Mr. Williams has found a practical use for math that you all can appreciate." Agreements to that murmured through the group. There were a few chuckles as the bell--thankfully--rang and the class moved quickly to their seats.

Only Thomas refused to look at her. "I'm sure Ms. Beaugoud is ready to start class now," his voice was flat having lost all of the charm it had only moments before, "I'll finish this another time."

Elaine waited until most of the students had taken their seats to approach her desk. Thomas busied himself erasing the blackboard. She could feel him behind her; a warm presence. Being this close to him made her nerves flutter. Her heart rate was suddenly aerobic. She took another couple of deep breaths, grateful when he moved to take a seat in the class. There was a bit of a titter and she peeked in his direction. Instead of taking the empty seat in front of the window, he was sitting on the windowsill.

She had to stifle a smile, "There is a desk in front of you, Mr. Williams."

"I'm quite comfortable here, Ms. Beaugoud," he replied in that baritone. "Unless you'd rather I sit closer to you."

Elaine felt her face flush, "You're fine where you are, Mr. Williams," she said far too quickly. She steadied herself and in a more normal voice continued, "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I gather most of you have met Mr. Williams. He'll be taking over this class and a few others as of Monday." She was gratified that several students asked why, "I'm not going anywhere--but someone has to do the paperwork. I'll still teach all of the Advance Placements and we're adding two more sections, so you all will see plenty of me for a while longer. In the meantime, let's make Mr. Williams feel welcome, shall we?"

Thomas smiled and waved at the class and Elaine had the insane urge to pull him down and screw him on the classroom floor. 'Get a grip.' She chided herself repeatedly, 'This is crazy!'

She tried to focus, "Ok, let's get started with the homework. Mr. Maier, will you let Mr. Williams follow along with you, please."

It was easy after that. For the next hour, Elaine was able to keep occupied with the business of teaching and Thomas stayed quiet. She was giving the homework assignment when the bell rang again. Two students with questions about the material spared her speaking to Thomas. The next set of students flooded in before the last set finished leaving. The next three classes passed in roughly the same way, keeping Elaine's mind largely off Thomas' presence. When the lunch bell rang, she was appalled; the last group of students rushed out and no one flooded in.

She refused to look at him. Instead, she began ordering her desk. Again.

"You missed dinner." He finally said in that velvet tone of his. It made her think about candlelight, satin sheets and Teddy Pendergrass. When she did not reply he continued, "I met everyone, I think. Frank, Rachel, Dan--of course--and Anya is it? Yes, Anya. Gail was there, which was nice; she made most of the introductions." She could hear him moving but did not dare to turn around and risk another kiss. "They tell me it was a day of 'firsts'. My first day, your first time being late for a meeting, your first time missing a staff dinner, the first time anyone's seen your hair out."

Whatever reservations Elaine had were quickly melting away under the fire of that voice. She closed her eyes and prayed that he would not touch her even while desperately hoping that he would. She could feel him moving behind her. His hands were soft and warm where they caressed her neck. She had to bite her lip to keep from groaning aloud. His voice was just as soft and warm when he whispered in her ear, "I remember seeing your hair out."

She shivered and said nothing, did nothing while he uncoiled then un-braided her hair. It fell in soft waves around her face and shoulders. He combed his fingers through it. Elaine thought she might orgasm from that alone if he did it again. She was 'saved' by the intercom. Again.

Her hands were shaking as she opened her desk drawer and she had to try twice before her voice was audible, "Yes?"

"Where you at?"

Yvonne. Elaine silently swore, "My classroom. Why?"

"Are you with a student?"

"No." She cursed Yvonne again.

"Are you on your way?"

Exasperated, Elaine nearly snapped into the handset. She bit back her first response and instead asked, "I'm in conference at the moment, what do you need?"

"I need you to join Gail and me in the office. You promised to finish updating your mid term grades today? Or did you forget?"

Elaine swore audibly this time. That would be her entire lunch hour spent in the office instead of here. With him. He was still stroking her hair. "Right." She snapped, no longer attempting to hide her frustration, "On my way." This was probably a good thing.

She was very aware that every time he touched her, something interrupted them. It seemed a very large clue that it was wrong--very, very wrong--to allow this to proceed any further. So why did it feel so right? She let the handset fall back into the desk drawer. "I have to go." She forced herself to say.

He did not move away. He was not holding her; he was just standing tantalizingly close. She searched for a moment to find her grade book. It was in its proper place but she was too rattled to think straight. She squeezed past him, feeling his body firm against hers. It felt so good she wanted to weep. She was almost out of the door when he finally spoke.

"We have to talk, Elaine. We…" he paused and sighed, "I can't keep doing this. How about dinner tonight?"

She shook her head, "Too public. And tomorrow night as well. We'd have to go off campus Saturday to get any real privacy."

"Ok!" He jumped at the idea she had not actually meant to suggest, "Saturday. I'll take you someplace nice--quiet. Just talk and dinner, no pressure. Ok?"

"Thomas…"

"Curtis." He cut in, "If we're ever going to move past the past, we have to be 'Elaine' and 'Curtis'" he released that devastating grin again "not 'Thomas' and 'Ms. Beaugoud'"

He had a point; about the names and about dinner. That gave her two days to exorcise her personal demons and think rationally. "Dinner. Only. Saturday." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "Ok." She left quickly before he could talk her into anything else.

In the office, Gail and Yvonne were eating at Gail's desk. The computer had been turned around so that Elaine could join them and type at the same time. They stared at her as she walked in and sat down. Gail's greeting was friendly enough and if Yvonne had shared any of last night's conversation, Gail was being unusually discrete. They ate quietly while Elaine entered her data.

Finally, Gail burst, "I can't take it! Who is he?" she stared at Elaine.

Elaine looked at Yvonne, who shrugged, and then back at Gail, "Who is who?"

"Who's your mystery guy? Come on! You're late for a meeting for the first time ever, when you get there, your hair's a wreck, then you skip out altogether on Curt's welcome dinner, and now the sexy new hairdo." She looked down right smug. "So, who is he?"

Elaine looked back at the computer screen, "How was dinner?"

"Dinner was great. The food sucked but Curt is a blast."

Elaine started to say something to Gail but saw Yvonne waiting for the jealous comment to fly. She pursed her lips and went back to the computer.

Yvonne apparently was enjoying her discomfort, "Oh yeah," she fairly purred, "He's a fox. I'll bet he'll keep you warm on a cold night."

Gail sighed, "Not last night." She giggled, "But I'm working on him."

Yvonne saw Elaine's glare even if Gail did not, "So you've got first dibs, huh?"

“Second, actually.” She took another bite of salad,” He has some old girl he can’t shake loose. He said he wants to ‘make it work.’” She made a quotation mark gesture, “But you know how it is, once you’re on-campus it’s hard to keep an off-campus romance going.”

"Old?" Yvonne was actually having trouble keeping a straight face, "What, you mean 'previous' or 'elderly'?

Elaine banged the keyboard harder than she meant to. It slipped off the edge of the desk and she had to collect it and her grade book from the floor.

"Careful. You ok, Honey?" Yvonne might have looked concerned if Elaine had not wanted to smack her soundly right then.

"I'm fine." She snapped back, "Thank you."

"So, Curtis likes old chicks." Yvonne was enjoying this entirely too much.

Gail laughed, "No, I meant prior well, technically, current girlfriend who I just want to be prior."

"Oh." Yvonne loudly smacked her soda and smiled at Elaine, "Sounds like Gail had a time last night. So what did you do?"

Elaine did not even look up, "I wasn't feeling well. I went to bed early."

"We wondered where you were." Gail finished her lunch and disposed of the trappings, "So were you sober and alone?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to tell us what happened or not?"

"Nothing happened!" Elaine snapped it out so sharply that Yvonne practically choked on her laughter.

Gail looked from one to the next, "What? What? Tell me!"

Elaine could feel her cheeks burning as she stared at the computer. Yvonne calmed down a bit and smirked, "Guess who has first dibs?"

"On Curt?" Gail squealed, "Who?"

Yvonne laughed some more.

"Who? You?"

"Oh no." Yvonne put up her hands in protest, "Try again."

"Who then?"

The two of them sounded like a pair of twelve-year-olds and Elaine said so.

"Oh my God!" Gail squealed again, "Elaine! You? You're the--and I'm quoting again here--'the only thing that gave my life meaning'?"

Yvonne sputtered, "He said that?"

"He said that. He spouted poetry. He would have broken into song but I had to draw the line somewhere."

Elaine was so embarrassed, she wished that she could curl up and die. Gail went on, embellishing Elaine was sure, to describe how after dinner, she and 'Curt' had taken a walk around campus. He had been very secretive about the woman's name and vague about how they met but had gone on at length about her virtues. Elaine was by turns mortified by the attention and concerned by how much he seemed to know about her. Yvonne seemed to revel in every revealing moment.

Elaine was genuinely relieved when the bell rang and she could gracefully escape her friends. After the fifth random comment in the hallway, she did stop in the nearest restroom to loosely re-braid her hair. She arrived in her classroom before the students and searched her desk quickly to find enough pins to put in back into place. Curtis arrived before she finished and she glared at him, "I just had a very long chat with Gail."

"Oh?" He voice was casual but she noticed he stayed at the door and did not venture within arms reach.

"Yes." She stood up, "Now look, I don't know what you think…" she stopped abruptly as students began arriving.

Curtis grinned again as he approached her desk, "I told Ms. Clark some things, personal things, that seemed appropriate to the moment." When he was close enough, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, "And I can't tell you how fetching your hair is like that."

His warm breath in her ear made her shiver. But he moved back to his windowsill without further enticements. It took her longer than usual to focus and start class; it was most of the afternoon before she could go more than ten minutes without hearing the word 'fetching' replayed in her mind or wonder why he used it in particular.

Near the end of her last class, she glanced at him. He was grinning at her again.

She could not take it.

"Mr. Williams," she used her stern, no-bullshit voice, "Is there something amusing going on that you'd like to share with the class?"

He actually grinned wider, "I can honestly say no, Ms. Beaugoud."

"Is there something, then, that you would like to share with your classmates?"

His eyebrow arched, a note of offence, perhaps. "Classmates?"

"I remind you that you are not teaching this class," she paused, "yet."

"Ah." The grin faded while he pondered that. Then, infuriatingly, it broke free again, "I would like to say to my classmates," he turned slightly to face them, "that I hope to be as good a teacher as Ms. Beaugoud who is excellent." he glanced back at her then continued, "But, confidentially, I hate grading homework so I give way less that she does."

There was the expected amount of cheering and laughter at this news and Elaine threw up her hands knowing that any useful teaching was done for the day. When the bell rang a minute or so later, half the students gathered around Curtis instead of rushing off. Elaine was glad--it gave her sometime to start grading the tests she had forgotten without thinking about him.

It was not long enough; she was only on her fifth paper when she realized that the chatter had ceased. She looked up and was surprised to see him looking back--not grinning--from a desk in the second row.

"My assigned seat." He confessed with a self-conscious laugh. When it passed, his face was still.

'Artists must love that face,' she thought. 'And photographers.' Each detail seemed to highlight the strength of the next.

He swallowed hard as if for once she had affected him, "I had forgotten," he said softly, "how good you are."

She watched him, waiting to hear what was next.

"I mean, I watched them all day and you can see it. You can see the moment when these dry, pointless, complicated theories suddenly make sense to them. And then they're engaged and they want to learn. And you make it happen."

Elaine nodded; this was not something that a stack of teaching awards had not already told her.

"I just wanted you to know. I don't just love you, I respect you. As an educator, I'm in awe of you." He stopped and stayed silent.

"You have a crush, Thomas." It would be simpler if these feeling would just fade away, "You have a crush on who you remember me being. I'm not that person anymore. Trust me, go out with a few people, stop being so--so obsessed with me, ok?" she was not sure who was guilty of obsession but she was not going to tell him that.

He smirked, "Elaine, I'm not a child. Don't think I can't tell the difference between love and lust or that you've been the only one in my life. I wasn't a virgin when I met you and I didn't live like one because you weren't around."

That cut a little close to home and Elaine looked back down at the papers in front of her.

"I'm here to plead my case, so to speak," he said after the silence became awkward, "You're right; I don't know you now. And I want to; I want to get to know you now as an adult when you are free to really be with me. So far, I gotta tell you, my feelings haven't changed. And I didn't arrive expecting you to jump into my arms." He paused, "I did hope you'd know me."

"I never had a 6'2" bearded child named 'Curtis' in my class." Her heart was pounding again, "You caught me off guard."

"I could see that." He stood up, "The truth is, Elaine, I do want you. I mean, my teenage fantasies are all running rampant through my mind but I can wait. My feelings for you are more than just lust." He headed for the door, "I'll see you tonight." He stopped and looked back at her, "Would you wear your hair out for me? Just that? I won't ask for anything else."

He left while she was still contemplating a response. His presence made her light headed and warm. She realized that she was shaking and knew that she would not be grading any more tests today. She grabbed the cup she kept on her desk and stood up. She recognized the feeling of her blood pressure dropping but could not understand why it did so.

***

The ammonia was too strong and Elaine tried to pull away from it. Someone was speaking and it took a moment to recognize the language and a moment more to realize that she should respond. She tried to speak but knew something was wrong when it sounded like gibberish.

Yvonne was holding the ammonia caplet, looking over her shoulder at someone else, "She's awake, Steve."

The school nurse appeared in Elaine's field of vision, "Hey, just relax." He said in the overly calm manner of a pediatric nurse "What's your name?"

It was the last question she expected but it did help clear a little of the fog, "Elaine. What's going on here?"

"Good, good, Elaine. It's ok. You just seemed to have bumped your head." He ran his fingers over her head, "Tell me if anything h…"

Elaine's loud ouch answered the question before he could finish it, "Ok, yeah, that's a good size bruise. Ok, Elaine, I'm going to ask you a couple of easy questions, ok? Then we'll just run down to the Health Center, how's that?"

"Forty, Steve, not fourteen. Ok?"

He chuckled, "Right, sorry. Forget sometimes."

The questions were pretty standard: how many fingers, follow the light, can you stand. With Yvonne's help she could but was still a bit unsteady. She protested but they took her to the infirmary regardless.

"I'd like you to hang out for an hour or so." Steve said after he finished taking her blood pressure and temperature. "Just to watch for concussion, is all. I think you must have hit your desk on the way down because that's a hellova bruise on the back of your head. No more tight braids until that heals, ok?"

"Ok." Yvonne answered for her.

"What are you, my mother?"

"Sorry, but when I walked in, you looked dead." Yvonne shrugged, "I got a little freaked for a second."

An intercom beeped and Yvonne pulled a handset out of her pocket, "Yeah?"

"Where is she?" Gail's voice came back.

"Infirmary."

"Thanks."

They were silent for a few minutes. Elaine's head began a dull throb that promised nothing good. She thought about how she would have reacted if positions were reversed. "Hey" she said as loudly as her head could stand, "Thanks."

Yvonne waved it off, "Whatever." Her voice still had an edge of concern. "Look, I'm going to go ahead and let you rest, right? Do you want…?"

They both jumped when the Health Center's main door slammed hard enough to rattle the infirmary's windows. They could hear Steve's indignant shout then the infirmary door burst open and Curtis paused long enough to find Elaine before bee lining for her bedside. The tentative throbbing in Elaine's head moved up to constant as Gail and Steve followed with poor Steve having a fit.

Curtis ignored them all; he gathered Elaine's hands in his own, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She tried to take her hands back but he held them firmly, "What did you do, try to break the doors in?"

"They were in my way." He gave Steve a quick look, "What happened."

Steve huffed but answered, "It appears she fainted."

"Again?" Curtis stared at Elaine.

As did everyone else.

"This has happened before?" Steve raised an eyebrow, "She didn't mention that."

Curtis frowned, "Yesterday."

"That was shock." Elaine interjected but the two men ignored her as Curtis told Steve what happened before the kiss. "I'm telling you, that was shock." They started discussing driving her to the clinic in town, still ignoring anything she said to the contrary. Over her constant objections, Curtis picked her up and carried her out of the Health Center to what turned out to be his car. Elaine could not see much beyond his wide shoulders but could hear Yvonne telling everyone where she was going. Gail caught up with them before they pulled out of the parking lot with Elaine's purse and coat. Driving past the school gates, Elaine looked at Curtis and Yvonne in the front seats, "You realize, of course, that this is a waste of time." Her head was pounding now and Curtis' bucket back seats did not help.

"Don't care." Yvonne retorted. She directed Curtis to the clinic while all but leaning into the back to monitor Elaine.

At the clinic, another circus began as Elaine turned out to be the only urgent care patient of the day. The staff whisked her into the examining room where they proceeded to poke or squeeze every inch of her they could reach. When the words 'CT scan' and 'electrocardiogram' started drifting around the room, Elaine reached her limit. She grabbed the arm nearest to her and fairly hissed, "I need to speak to whoever's in charge of this right now."

The nurse glared and rubbed her arm but shouted for Dr. Renaldo. An older gentleman broke away from discussion with Curtis and Yvonne to answer the call. He introduced himself and patted her shoulder gently, "Just relax; we're going to run a few tests…"

Elaine interrupted him, "I need to talk to you in private. I promise, I'll take any test you want but this--this is just too much."

The doctor studied her face for a moment. Then he nodded, "Ok." He looked around at the staff, "Ok, everyone, I need five minutes. I don't think she's critical? Anyone disagree?" There were no dissenters and the nurses and interns shuffled out of the room. Elaine snagged Dr. Renaldo's sleeve and whispered "Them too." indicating Yvonne and Curtis. Gently, the doctor coaxed them out as well--citing patient privacy--and closed the door. When they were alone, Dr. Renaldo pulled a chair over and sat backwards, flipping through her chart. "It can be a bit much sometimes. Why don't you tell me what's going on."

"I…" she stopped. "I have some stress. I'm not handling it well."

"Not eating, passing out, yeah that's pretty bad."

"Who's not eating?" Elaine did not remember being asked that.

"Your friends seemed to think you haven't eaten in a couple days."

She let out an exasperated sigh, "See? They're driving me crazy!"

"They are the stress?"

"Well, he is." Elaine leaned back and winced as her sore head touched the examination table. "She's just along for the ride."

"They're both very worried about you."

"I'd be fine if he'd just go away."

He looked at the door, "I don't think that's likely to happen."

"Neither do I." Elaine sighed again. The whole thing was exhausting. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I tell you what," he finally said, "why don't you tell me what you think is wrong with you and I'll see if it matches the symptoms we have so far."

"It's stress." She sat up on her elbows, "Something happened--yesterday--and I, I don't know what I'm going to do." She shook her head then winced again, "Ow. That really hurts. I know what I'm going to do, I don't know what I should do.

Dr. Renaldo adjusted the table so that she could sit up properly and let her go on. She was trying so hard not to give specific details that she knew it must all sound like vague ramblings. He handed her a cup of water and some aspirin. She thanked him and wound down as she took them, "I mean, I don't know if it really is this complicated or if it's just me, I just…" she sagged, "I just didn't have to think about it until he came back."

The Doctor sat down and scribbled a few notes. He flipped back and forth through his clipboard. "Well, it's a little extreme but enough stress in a short period of time could account for this." He looked at her hard for a moment then took a guess, "You have feelings for him," he gestured toward the door, "and you think you shouldn't"

She closed her eyes again and let her head fall back despite the protest of pain, "I have feelings for him and I know I shouldn't."

He was silent for another minute then he patted her shoulder, "Ok, here's the deal: I'll send your friends home. I think a CT scan would still be in order and I'd like you to stay over night for observation; that knot is pretty impressive. You don't seem concussive to me but still…I think rest and a meal would take care of you for now."

Elaine nodded, "Ok. But can we do it without the circus?"

"As quietly as possible."

"Thanks."

"Now, your side of the deal: You're going to have to talk to someone about this. You can't keep fainting every time you see him. I can send up our resident councilor." Elaine's reluctance was evident, "It'll be fine." He patted her arm. Someone knocked at the door. "Sounds like the natives are getting restless. You relax; I'll send a nurse in and get you up to CT." The knock sounded more instantly. The Doctor smiled and squeezed out of the door. Even through the closed door, Elaine could hear Curtis' demands to see her. She was grateful when he finally moved away.

A nurse did come in a little while later, long enough for Elaine to doze off. As Elaine changed into the flimsy cotton wrap, she could not help thinking about Curtis and about how strong his arms felt around her. Dangerous thoughts. Seductive thoughts.

The CT scan took longer to prepare for than to actually run. The technician was efficient but thankfully friendly and made Elaine feel less apprehensive after she saw the tomb like contraption. Afterwards, a nurse escorted Elaine to a room.

"Dr. Renaldo thought you might want to be alone, but I have a bed in another room if you want some company."

"Oh no, this is fine." Elaine slipped into bed. The nurse gave her a few last instructions and left. Elaine almost called her back to ask if Yvonne and Curtis had actually left but stopped. They would find her soon enough if they were still in the building. Instead, she picked up the phone and called Dan's office. Gail had probably let him know everything so far but she should really talk to him herself. Gail answered on the second ring.

"Hey, it's me. I thought I'd get the voicemail."

"We were waiting for the doctor to call. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I'll probably be back tomorrow around lunchtime. Tell Dan," she paused as a moment of inspiration hit her, "Tell Dan and Curtis that Curtis should cover my morning classes. Those are his sections as of Monday, anyway."

"Ok." Gail sounded a bit hesitant.

"What?"

"Nothing. I don't think he's going to like that."

"Who, Dan or Curtis?"

"Curt. Do you want to tell him yourself?"

"Oh, God no!" but it was too late and Curtis was on the phone demanding to know how she was and what they were doing. "Everything is fine, Thomas. Please stop."

"Elaine," his voice had that quiet, worried timber, "Elaine, I'm sorry. I didn't want this. Do you want me to leave? I'm not…" His suave confidence was gone leaving raw emotion, "I don't want to hurt you."

Her head began to throb again. "I have to go. Take my classes tomorrow." She hung up. Even over the phone, she could not choose between running away from him and holding him tightly.

There was a soft knock at the door and Dr. Renaldo poked his head in, "Hungry yet?" He did not wait for an answer but entered with two precariously balanced trays. He set one on the bed table and sat in a chair with the other, "I thought we could talk over dinner."

"Thanks." She looked at the food without really seeing anything, "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not good company right now."

"It's ok." He said between bites, "Food's not great anyway." He took a few more bites, "I took a quick glance at your films. Everything looks good. I think you're right--it's just too much stress right now."

Elaine nodded. She was not listening; she wanted to call Thomas. Curtis, she corrected herself. She wanted to call Curtis, tell him she loved him, had always loved him. She looked at the phone; it sat there like a coiled rattlesnake. She looked back at her tray.

"Elaine?"

She realized that Dr. Renaldo had been speaking for several minutes and she had not heard a word.

"You know, I don't have much ego but you could at least pretend to listen to me."

"I'm sorry. I was lost in thought."

He smiled easily, "I'm kidding! It's ok, really."

"I just talked to Him on the phone."

"Oh." He let the word linger knowingly.

"And I'm just all…" Elaine could not think straight anymore.

"Flustered?" Dr. Renaldo suggested.

"Close enough." Elaine took a bite of her dinner. It was better than it looked and she said so.

"You're probably hungrier than you know." He countered. They ate in silence for a while. He finished first and watched her for a while.

"So." He said a last, "Why do you think you shouldn't have feelings for this guy?"

The question was reasonably direct and Elaine no longer had the energy to dodge it, "I'm a teacher and I've fallen in love with a student."

"He's a student?" Dr. Renaldo sounded stunned.

"Former. He was 15 when we met and 17 the last time I saw him."

"How much of a relationship did you have?"

"None. In one weak moment, I almost kissed him but the moment passed."

"I take it that he feels the same way?"

"So he says now. Before it seemed pretty one-sided. Like I said, nothing happened. I always thought that it was just me."

Dr. Renaldo leaned back, balancing his chair its rear legs, "You had strong feelings--but not relations--for a student. You kept it to yourself until he graduated…"

"Withdrew."

"Ok, until he left the school. Now, years later, he comes back claiming to feel just as strongly about you. About right?"

Elaine let out a long breath she had not known she was holding, "Yeah, that's about it."

"And your concern is…?"

"My ethics, my career, my self respect."

"Because even though he is an adult now and nothing actually happened, there is an air of impropriety"

"Yes."

"Let me ask you this, did anyone else question your behavior towards him--any investigation or comments?"

"No. But it wasn't like that. We weren't secretly dating or something weird like that. We were just, I don't know, more than teacher/student but not quite friends." She sighed, "But I wanted more. I knew I wanted more than just friendship."

"So why didn't you? I've rarely seen a 17-year-old boy who would have said 'no'."

"He's my student. He's a child. What kind of monster preys on children? I can't do that to any child, let alone one under my care specifically."

"Was a child." Dr. Renaldo pointed out.

"Yes."

"You said 'is a child'."

"Well, of course I meant 'was'." Elaine waved off the verbal slip.

"But you said 'is'.

"I made a mistake."

Dr. Renaldo propped his feet on the edge of the bed, "If you had met him for the first time yesterday, do you think you'd have this response?"

"Of course not!"

"And if you had known him before but hadn't felt as you did then and he asked you out now, would you still have an issue?"

Elaine started to answer and stopped. "He would just be someone I used to know, wouldn't he?" she asked thoughtfully.

"So why isn't he that now?"

She frowned; she was not sure what the answer to that one was.

"I know what you're going through. You're having an 'Almost'."

"An 'Almost'?" Elaine was not sure she had heard him right.

"Yup. I'm sure there's a technical term but that's what my grandfather used to call them."

"What exactly is an 'Almost'?"

"It's what happens when you were nearly in a disaster but just missed. Car accidents, probably, the most common 'Almost'. You skid off the road and just miss a tree and stop just before the river. You're left with all the adrenaline flow of being in an accident but none of the actual damage."

"I follow." The term made sense in that light, "But there was no accident here."

"Oh believe me, there are Emotional Almosts, trust me." He rested the chair flat again, "You told me yours so I'll tell you mine."

Despite herself, Elaine was curious, "You have an Almost?"

"It can't leave this room, you realize. It wouldn't wreak my career but, well, I'd just as soon not have to discuss it." He made a wry smile, "Some of the nurses have a little song I'd just as soon never hear again."

"I don't want to pry."

"No, it's ok. I think you'll see why I can pretty well guess what you're going through. I just kind of, well you know, just keep it between us."

"Of course."

"This was before I got married. My daughter--Lorie, my eldest--was 14 at the time, I was single, and every Labor Day she and I would throw the biggest backyard barbeque we could. We'd invite every warm body we could find--including strangers she meet at a 7-11 one year. So, here we are, and there's this stunning woman watching me. Tall, curvy, blonde. I mean Pamela Sue Anderson only pretty."

Elaine made the appropriate 'Ooo' sound.

"So I'm waiting for a good moment to make my move--mind you I'm what, 40, 45 at the time? I mean she's way out of my league but she's staring at me."

"So you have to try."

"Right, I have to say something. So, I see her searching through the soda cooler, like she wants something specific but can't find it. I slip over and ask what she's looking for and she says 'I found what I'm looking for, now I need something to drink.'"

"Oh Lord!"

"Ok, it was corny, but it got my attention, I tell you what. So I say 'how about something special' and she says 'how about something private.' And by now the rest of my body is suffering from low blood pressure, if you kinda get my drift."

"I do. And I can see why."

"So at this point, she takes my hand and leads me back to the house and I can't believe I'm not dreaming and remember, there's like 100 people here so we're not likely to be missed for 20-30 minutes. So we're threading through the crowd as she leads me like she knows where she's going. We cut through the dining room and my little girl comes in from the other way and immediately, beautiful lets my hand go."

"Oh no." Elaine started to see where this was going.

"Yeah, should have been a huge red flag but like I said, I wasn't thinking real clearly at the time. So Lorie says 'Hi Dad' and I say 'How's it going sweetie' and she says 'Cool. Hey Stacy, Taylor and Jenny are staying the night too.' And Beautiful say, 'Cool.'"

"And what did you say?"

"I couldn't say a damn thing; I was trying not to have a massive coronary."

Elaine could not hide a smile even as she tried to be sympathetic, "You poor man. What did you do?"

"I got out of the room, went down to my den in the basement, had a good stiff drink and shook for an hour."

"Wasn't that a bit extreme?"

"And fainting isn't?" he countered, "Besides, you don't know what I was planning to do to that child. But, you know how eventually yours went away? Well, mine was my daughter's best friend--from that point on, she was in the house damn near everyday."

"Oh God!" Elaine had nothing but sympathy for that, "How did you get over it?"

"I didn't. I mean at first, I thought it was just lust, which was, of course, inappropriate and I simply avoided her whenever possible and made damn sure I was never alone with her. Then I started noticing that it wasn't just any over-developed teenage girl, it was just her that I kept reacting to. Which, I gotta tell you, scared the begeebies outta me."

Elaine nodded, knowing the feeling well.

His face turned much more serious, "Then, five years ago, Lorie got married and Stacy trapped me on the dance floor. She said she needed some advise and all I could think was 'dear Lord, please don't let me ruin my daughter's wedding'. But anyway, she said that she had fallen in love with someone her father didn't approve of and what should she do and I said listen to your old man, of course."

"Of course."

"And we talked about the nature of love and how do you know it's real and finally I said, 'If you really love him, and you're sure, then follow your heart and I hope he makes you happy.' And she says, 'me too' and kisses me.

"On the dance floor?"

"On the dance floor."

"How did your daughter take that?"

"Apparently, my daughter had known about Stacy's 'thing' for me for years."

"How did Stacy's father take it?"

"Not nearly as well but he got over it."

"Oh?"

"Well, he had to if he wanted to give Stacy away at our wedding."

"Oh." Elaine felt a little foolish, "I should have expected that, shouldn't I?"

He shrugged it off with a wave, "I didn't expect it, why should anyone else?"

The phone rang. Elaine jumped, started to reach for it, then stopped.

Dr. Renaldo answered for her, formally, "Rockway Clinic, How may I assist you?" he paused then rolled his eyes and mouthed 'him', "No, I'm afraid she can not be disturbed at this time." He paused again, "Well, that will depend." He rolled his eyes again, "It will depend on my patient getting a good night's sleep, sir. I suggest you do the same. Good night." He hung up the phone, "I'll say one thing, he's persistent."

"He used to have quite a stubborn streak as I recall," Elaine agreed.

Dr. Renaldo sighed, "Well, I'd better get on with my rounds."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept you here."

"No, really, I'm glad to chat. I'll stop by on my way back and if you're still up, how about a hand of cards?"

She smiled, "Sure. And thanks. You've given me a lot to think about."

"Then you can decide how you really feel about Mr. Persistent."

"I already know that." Elaine sighed.

"Then follow your heart and I hope he makes you happy."

"Me too."

"Goodnight, Elaine."

"Goodnight, Doctor."

He left and Elaine looked at the phone again. She pick it up and called Dan's cell phone to leave a message saying that she would back on campus sometime Friday and back in the classroom on Saturday. Then she called Yvonne.

"What is going on over there?" Yvonne blurted out when she heard Elaine's voice.

"Nothing major. I'm fine, I just can't talk to him, yet. Are you somewhere he can't hear you?"

"Hold on." Elaine heard some rustling and the sounds of the all-staff dinner in the background. "Ok, talk."

"First, I really am ok. He said eat, rest and do something about Curtis."

"Good advice. So?"

"So, I don't know yet. Entirely. But, I can't think with him around so I'm going to play hooky tomorrow and spend most of the day in town. Do you think you and Gail can keep him on campus all day?"

"Not really, but we'll try."

"Thanks. I plan to be back by 3pm; I sort of want to talk to him at the ice cream social."

"With witnesses?"

"With witnesses he has to behave around. I lied; it wasn't just a kiss."

"I figured. Whoops! Grouchy-boy just spotted me. Gotta go." Yvonne hung up with a sharp click.

Elaine put the phone down and snuggled under the covers.

When she awoke to sunlight streaming in, she had no memory of having dozed off. Everything was peaceful and clear for a few moments. She looked at the wall clock; first period had already started. She could not remember the last time she was still in bed after 8:30 am. It was almost sinful.

There was a tap at the door and a nurse entered with a tray of breakfast and a sheaf of incomplete paperwork from her admittance. She took her time finishing both and wondered how long it would be before the phone rang. The morning shift doctor came in, checked her chart and her vitals, and declared her fit for release pending a final review by the Counselor. The phone rang as he was leaving and Elaine answered it quickly.

There was a moment of silence. Then Curtis' restrained voice came on the line, "Is this a good time to disturb you, Ms. Beaugoud?"

"I'm between physicians at the moment, yes." She smiled to herself.

There was another hesitation in his voice and Elaine realized just how upset he was, "How many physicians are you seeing?"

"Thomas…" she started but he cut her off.

"Ms. Beaugoud, the students are here with me," the line went fuzzy as if a speakerphone was abruptly activated, "And they wish to say something to you."

"Oh," the switch in his tone was abrupt as well; she was not sure what to expect, "Ok."

She could hear the whispered preparation then on the count of three, the whole room shouted "Get well soon! We love you!"

She was overcome, "Oh. Thank you! I'm better already just for that. Truly. I'll be back tomorrow. In class, that is. I should be back on campus tonight so save me a seat at the social, alright?" Several voices promised seats next to them. She was warmed by the offers. "Mr. Williams, may I have a word with you?"

"Certainly." The speakerphone cut leaving only the two of them, "Yes, Ms. Beaugoud?"

"Are you ok?" she asked him.

"Am I…" he nearly exploded but regained control of his voice quickly, "I'm fine. I hope you are doing well this morning. How ever many specialists you may be seeing."

"Only one. I needed a moment to think more than anything else. I got that last night. I don't want you to worry, alright? Did you get any sleep last night?"

"I had a long talk with Yvonne. She--uh…" he cleared his throat, "Uh, Ms. Beaugoud, perhaps this would be better suited to a time when not quite so many ears were straining to hear?"

"Oh, yes." Elaine had actually forgotten that he was in the classroom still, "Of course. Good luck with 4th period--they're a handful." She hung up before he could respond and tried to wait patiently for the counselor. Around 11:30, a light tap on the door preceded Dr. Renaldo's appearance.

"You got a minute?" He chirped.

"Or two or twelve." Elaine lamented.

"You missed our card game."

"I'm available now."

"Sorry, I'm on the clock. I'm supposed to be examining some stressed out woman." He looked at his notes and pretended to check her room number again.

"You? You're the resident counselor I've been waiting for?" She wanted to throw something at him, "You could have done this last night. I could have left right after breakfast."

"Yes, but then I wouldn't have a date for lunch; Stacy can't come down today."

Elaine half smiled at that, "That qualifies as abuse of power, you know."

"I haven't finished that exam yet. It's not too late to add delusional, you know."

She huffed good naturedly, "Curtis is going to be very cross with you--I've had two meals with you before I've had one with him."

"The heart of the matter! And how are we feeling about Mr. Persistent this morning?"

"I've already spoken to him. He and the 2nd period geometry class called to wish me well."

"That was nice."

"It was. We couldn't talk personally, of course, but I felt ok afterward. I just needed a moment to catch my breath, I guess. Like you said, it was an Almost and I hadn't quite shaken it off."

"You spent a long time punishing yourself over your feelings about him."

"I didn't ever think it through. I just panicked and tried to deny the whole thing. I guess it just didn't occur to me that I over reacted a bit. If I had talked to someone about it then, I could have saved myself a lot of grief, could I?"

"It usually works that way. So why do you feel different about it today? What changed?"

"I'm not sure, really. I seem to be the only one who has an issue with it for one thing. But, really, I just don't think I can get over him."

"So you figure it's worth a try?"

"Is that a bad idea?"

"Not if you don't feel like fainting."

She smiled at that, "I don't."

"Good. Have you decided what you're going to do next?"

"Not entirely. I agreed to have dinner with him tomorrow night--off-campus so it will be just the two of us."

"Are you going to go through with it?"

"Yes."

"Good! One decision at a time." He pulled out his clipboard and made some notes, "Here, this I my card. If you find yourself beginning to panic, call me."

"Thanks."

"Ok, so as far as I'm concerned, you are officially taking up space." He smiled broadly, "Beat it, ya load."

Elaine smiled back, "What a bedside manner! I wouldn't stay another minute."

"Do you have lunch plans?"

"I thought you were buying."

He snapped his fingers, "Damn! Was hoping you forgot. Give me about half an hour and I'll meet you at the front desk."

She agreed and he left. She dressed quickly and spent most of the time waiting at the desk signing and re-signing insurance paperwork. She had to remind herself several times that she was lucky to have a policy that would cover the visit.

When Dr. Renaldo arrived, they wandered into the clinic's cafeteria, which had a surprisingly well-stocked buffet. He nagged her into taking more salad and fruit than she would have eaten otherwise and teased her about the cookie she added to her tray.

"Mr. Persistent is not concerned about our waistline?"

"Mr. Persistent will have to take us as we are."

They found a table and chatted long past the food until his pager went off.

"Damn it," He muttered, "Got to go. You be good to yourself, OK?"

"I will."

"Eat. Sleep."

"I will." Elaine laughed, "I promise, the next time I see you it will be for our card game."

"Alright!" he relented, "Take care." He grabbed his tray and hurried off.

Elaine took a few minutes to figure out her next move. Tonight she would tell Curtis…something.

Not the L-word; not yet. But maybe that she was past the stress. Hopefully that she was past the stress. Tomorrow she would face dinner at dinnertime. Today was for herself. For once. No students and no guilt. Maybe a movie.

On her way out of the clinic, she had an idea. She stopped by the nurse's station and asked what the best restaurant in town was.

"For what?" one aide asked.

"I'm not particular. Just quiet. No kids."

"Paulette's on 5th." Someone suggested and several others agreed. "Or Roma Italia." Came another voice. A few other suggestions were raised but after a few minutes debate, these two were held as the romantic dining winners. Elaine asked for and obtained a phone book and found the addresses for both.

Outside the clinic, she hailed a cab and asked him to take her to which ever was closer. He let her out in front of Paulette's--a lovely little French bistro, just opening for lunch. She took a quick glance at the menu then impulsively made reservations for two for Saturday night.

Walking through the small downtown, she realized how long it had been since she had gone shopping. She looked hard at her reflection in a store window. She was only forty and not at all in bad shape. She was not ready to shed her conservative look in the classroom yet but maybe…maybe Saturday called for something new. There was a mall just outside of town. A new dress, some shoes. Lingerie. She shivered. Then, she hailed another cab.

***

By the time she headed back to the campus, she was weighed down with bags. She had the driver circle in the long way so that she would not pass the dinning hall and went straight to her room. She changed into clean clothes and combed her hair. She braided it loosely--even though her head was still sore.

When she walked into the dinning hall, she was greeted with smiles and hugs from several students. She tried to reassure all that she was fine and repeated the conversation numerous times on her way to the buffet. She spotted 'the trio'--Yvonne, Gail and Curtis--before they saw her. Curtis was helping a pair of students set up an elaborate battle scene model. He was on the floor again, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, easily as excited as the kids.

Elaine stood beside Gail who gave her a quick squeeze, "Hey. Welcome back."

"Thanks. What's this?"

"Waterloo. Johnson and Parks are covering it in history and Curt says he knows how Napoleon could have won."

"It's a wonder they're not using food for terrain."

"Oh, they were," Yvonne piped in, "but Gertie had a fit when she found them using broccoli for trees."

They watched for a few more minutes and Yvonne asked if Elaine had eaten yet, then playfully smacked her wrist when she admitted not since lunch.

"Hey, Curt." Gail called out, "We're going to grab a bite. You wanna come?"

"I'm fine." He said without looking up.

"You sure?" Elaine asked.

Curtis kicked over part of the model getting to her fast enough and nearly tackled her with his embrace. Elaine hesitated, then slipped her arms around him. It felt good until she realized that he was shaking. "Thomas," she whispered, "It's ok."

"I'm sorry," he whispered back, "I'm just so…" his grip tightened, "You scared me is all."

Her stomach grumbled loudly and they both had to laugh. He let her go and ducked his head down shyly, "I should get back to…to…back to…"

"Waterloo." Elaine supplied.

"Yeah." He laughed, embarrassed. He failed utterly to look calm and confidant, "Waterloo. You should--uh--eat something."

"Oh, wait." She reached into her pocket and handed him a business card from the restaurant.

"What's this?"

"This is where we're having dinner tomorrow night. At 7pm. Wear a suit." She turned quickly and headed to the food as much to eat as to leave him speechless.

"So" Gail started when they were settled and Elaine had a plate piled high with 'approved' foods, "Am I ever going to get the full story or am I just going to be forever out of the loop on this one?"

"Curtis and I met when he was," Elaine paused to choose her next word carefully.

"Unavailable." Yvonne supplied.

"Read 'under age.'" Gail responded, "I figured as much. So are you two an item now or what?"

"I don't know yet." Elaine replied truthfully, "Ask me again on Sunday morning."

Yvonne snuck a carrot off Elaine's plate, "You're keeping the Saturday dinner date?"

Elaine nodded, "We're going to Paulette's."

Yvonne and Gail seemed to approve the choice. "What are you wearing?" Gail asked.

"I went shopping today." Elaine tried to be casual but could not hide her excitement. "I went overboard; dress, shoes, bra, everything."

"Elaine spent money? Oh my God!" Yvonne clutched her chest in make believe shock, "Call the papers!"

Elaine ignored her, "Gail, would you mind coming over tomorrow afternoon and, you know, helping me dress? I haven't dressed for a date in ages."

"I was planning on that whether you asked or not."

Elaine finished eating, made one quick circuit of the room to socialize then when back to her room for an early bedtime.

Saturday

She woke the next morning refreshed and ready to face her two Saturday Advanced Placement classes. The wonderful thing about the Saturday AP's was that they were elective--the students in them had chosen to be there. The 9am algebra class was her personal favorite largely because it covered many of the concepts that had drawn her to mathematics in the first place.

Saturday classes were much less formal. No uniforms, and when the weather was nice enough, they often held class on the lawn. The format encouraged an exchange of ideas and sometimes supplied Elaine with information to assist with teaching the lower level classes. Today's discussion was focused on occupations that rely on algebra. They had strayed off-topic but that was ok--Elaine loved giving this class free range.

She did not notice Curtis slip in until she heard his laughter mixed in with the rest of the classes. Her heart skipped a beat but she managed to remain calm. When the class ended, she thanked him for joining them and introduced him to the few students that missed meeting him the night before. She watched him interact with them; he seemed to connect pretty well. She made a mental note to actually check with some of Friday's classes and see what they thought of him.

Since it crossed her mind, she rifled through her desk to find and actually read his resume. He was a recent Master's program graduate. Like her own background, Bachelor's in Mathematics, Master of Education, both from her alma mater GWU. That in and of itself was impressive. That he was cum laude both times was astounding. She tried to recall him as a student; single minded when he had a goal and virtually asleep when he did not. Outside of class, he was charismatic, focused, and seductive. She pulled her thoughts back to the resume. One year at a Montessori school--she would really have to ask about that--and five at a private high school. He was, at least, utterly qualified for the position. Which was a relief; Dan was very good about security backgrounds and Curtis would not be here if the resume had not checked out.

"Ms. Beaugoud?"

She realized he had called her name twice and looked up. "I'm sorry, Mr. Williams. Lost in thought." He had a drawn, worried look on his face, "I'm fine. Really."

"We were wondering how long we could use this room."

She checked the wall clock, "AP Geometry doesn't meet for another forty-five minutes or so. What were you planning?"

"A math fair."

Elaine blinked, "A what?"

"Oh not today," Zahir piped up, "For Spring Fest."

Then they all jumped in and Elaine could not make heads or tails of it all. She laughed and waved them silent, "Ok, ok! Do it! Who's going to write the proposal?"

"I will." Zahir's hand popped up with Massey's right behind it.

"Alright. Zahir and Massey are co-team captains. Do you want me as faculty adviser," There were several automatic agreements but she knew the real answer, "or do you think Mr. Williams should handle this one?"

Massey was first, this time, "Well he did help come up with the idea."

"Ok with me," Curtis beamed.

"Alright then, it's yours." Elaine stood and stretched, "you all have thirty minutes today then you have to find your own facilities. I'm going for coffee."

She took her time to the teacher's lounge and back. The students had left and Curtis was sitting on the desk making notations on a hastily drawn map.

"You're an evil woman." He said as she sat near him in one of the student desks, "I'll be tied up with this for weeks. Who do I call for facilities?"

"Joe Wilson or Gail depending on what you need."

He looked up, grinning, "I need to have my head examined."

"That would be Steve, in the health office."

"Cute." He leaned toward her then stopped, cleared his throat and pulled away, "How's your head?"

"Sore but mending."

"Take the braid out."

"I like it braided; less of a mess."

Neither spoke for a while; Curtis scrawled notes, Elaine sipped coffee. She wondered if she should say something then wondered what he wanted to hear. Instead, she watched him. He was beautiful. His hair was unclipped and it kept covering his face. He would move it unconsciously and reveal that statuesque profile and, occasionally, those piercing eyes that had not change a bit over time. She finished the coffee and took a breath. She could ask about dinner since she did not give him a moment to comment last night.

"Is Paulette's ok?"

"Fine." He said without looking up.

It was irrational, she knew, this sudden fear that it was too late and he was no longer interested in her. At least, this was normal relationship stress and not yesterday's panic. Still she wanted reassurance. Silly. "Would you like to join the next class?" She tried, "They'll be here in a few minutes."

"Whatever you'd like." He flipped the page and kept writing.

"What do you want to do?"

He paused but still did not look up, "What I want to do," he stressed 'want' in a way that made a warm rush flow through her, "We don't have time for and would be inappropriate in the class room. So please allow me to work on this in peace." He flipped another page. "How much of a budget does this thing get?"

She squelched the desire to ask what he meant by that since she could hear the students coming down the hall. Instead, she stood and began pulling her books and notes for the next class, "The budget is usually pretty generous but, of course, it's defrayed somewhat by the income. The estimate will be in the proposal that Zahir and Massey write up."

He did look up then, "Income? These are revenue projects?"

"I'll give you the full run down later. Over dinner. But, yes, it's a kind of community day. A couple of local elementary schools come out and the AP classes have to entertain them." She greeted a pair of arriving students, "It's become quite popular over the last few years."

"Ye gods." He moaned shaking his head.

Shortly, the class started and this group quickly drifted off the topic of occupations and on to what their Spring Fest project would be. Elaine shook her head when Curtis enthusiastically suggested an idea and the group began drafting the proposal in class--with Curtis already listed as the Faculty Advisor. Elaine enjoyed her opportunity to watch him and grin. He worked well with the students; guiding them instead of telling them what to do. And he loved every minute. It was in his face and his body language. At one point, he saw her and grinned back.

"You could help, you know." He teased.

"Oh no," she put up a mock defense, "I wouldn't dream of interfering. You all wouldn't mind if I grade some tests while you work with Mr. Williams?"

They did not. Elaine actually giggled as she reached into her desk--his desk as of Monday--for Wednesday's poor forgotten tests. When she looked up again, he was leaning toward her still grinning. He was close enough to kiss; it was hard to resist.

"Was that a giggle, Ms. Beaugoud?"

"I don't giggle, Mr. Williams."

"You should." They both froze for a moment, warring with the attraction.

The taunting 'ohhh' of the students broke the moment and Elaine blushed as she gathered the papers into her arms, "Alright you all," she tried to sound severe which doesn't work well when you can't stop smiling, "You have work to do. I expect to see progress when I return."

There was some progress when she returned an hour later; a nearly complete proposal. Elaine nodded approval. This time, the students left with due speed as the lunch bell rang.

She and Curtis stood on opposite sides of the desk. Looking at him, she had the strange feeling that he was the elder, more experienced man with whom she was too young to be involved.

"So." He said softly.

"So." She felt herself blushing again and looked away, "So. This is your desk now. These are your graded tests. I don't have much personal stuff here."

"We don't have to do dinner."

He caught her off guard, "What?"

"Tonight. Yvonne said you need time. I can wait." He took a deep breath, "If you don't want to go, it's ok." He seemed somehow subdued.

"No, it's ok." She thought about it and realized that it really was, "I want to go."

"One more thing," He seemed reluctant to tell her, "and I hope you understand why I, well, what I've done--why I do it, I mean."

"Do what?"

"Well, Ok." His stare pierced her, "I don't want you to misunderstand me. I want you to be very clear on my intent but I also need to be clear about yours. I plan to have a lovely evening with you--I know we will. We'll have dinner and I want to take you dancing. But after that, I want to make love to you."

The statement arrested her; she had not expected such a frank admission. She was not sure how to respond but he went on before she had to.

"I made a reservation at the hotel where the club is--it's in your name. You don't have to say yes or no to me directly. When you're ready to go home, I bring you home. If you want to be with me--to sleep with me--all you have to do is get the key."

"Wait." She could feel her ire rising as she digested this information, "You got us a room?"

"You decide if there's a room or not. If you don't want one, you go home, end story." He paused, "See, I had this problem once with a woman who was reluctant to give me a clear yes or no. She caused me and some other guys a great deal of trouble. So, I started doing this. I tell my dates up front what I want and let them decide over dinner how far things are going to go."

"With you holding the idea over her head all night."

"I assure you, I won't mention it again."

"Oh, come on." Elaine snapped, "How is this 'my decision, no pressure'? You have a vested interest in my saying 'yes'. Of course you're going to force…"

"Not force!" The word upset him, "Never force. Yes, I want you to say 'yes' and I'm not going to hold back. I'm going to try to sweep you off your feet. But, I'd rather pay for a room and have you say 'no' before anything happens than have you tell me afterwards. Because that's what happened. She was coy and teasing before hand and afterwards, wept in the car."

He looked away, his jaw clinched. When he looked back at her, he was visibly upset, "She said later she was ok about it but I wasn't. I never want to go through that again. It was as close to suicide as I've ever come."

Elaine let her reservations about the idea drop and circled around the desk to hold him. He pulled away at first but she pulled him back and would not let go. They stayed like that for a while.

"Elaine," He whispered, "I can't hurt you. I can't lose you again. I can't live without you."

"Thomas…" She began but he pulled back and stopped her with a kiss. She did not have the will to resist; she gave in to it passionately. She savored the cool taste of his lips and tongue, and moaned softly when he nipped her lips gently. She could feel his hardness pressed against her leg. He pulled away from her with a longing moan.

"I need to go."

"No. Wait." She tried to pull him back down--she did not remember lying back on the desk--but he took her hands and kissed them.

"Not here." He kissed her lips again, "Not like this and if I don't go now, I'm not going to want to stop myself."

She nodded, knowing he was right. She closed her eyes and pulled her hands away from him. "Go" was all she trusted herself to say. She could not remember ever wanting anyone as much as she wanted him now. Even her first lover in college had not evoked that much passion in her and after him…

A cold wave swept through her body and she opened her eyes with a start.

Gary in college had been her first lover.

He had also been her last lover.

She was not sure whether to laugh or cry. The longer she thought about it the sillier it seemed. She had not been dateless--Yvonne had seen to that. But she never did more than dance. Masturbation. Her outlet of choice had been masturbation. She could not help it; she had to laugh aloud. She was still laughing when her handset chirped. Curtis called her name.

"Yes." She tried to settle down but the laughter kept bubbling over.

"Are you eating lunch or should Gail bring a tray to your office?"

"Well, since I'm not in my office, that wouldn't be helpful, now would it?"

"Elaine, are you ok?"

"I discovered something entirely absurd which I don't think I will share at this time."

"Alright." There was silence for a moment. She imagined Curtis and Gail trying to decipher that statement.

"Tell Gail, I'll meet her in my office. I'll see you around 6."

"I'll be there."

Gail did not talk much during lunch, which was unusual, but a nice change of pace. Elaine was fairly certain that any conversation would quickly round to Curtis and at the moment she did not want to study that subject too closely.

"Ok." Gail finished the last of her sandwich and curled her feet into the chair under herself, "Dish."

"Dish?"

"Come on. Fess up. Has he rocked your world yet?"

Exactly the conversation Elaine did not want to have.

"No."

"Never?"

"No!"

"Why not? What are you waiting for? What's it been for you two, three years?"

Elaine tried to sound nonchalant, "About that." Years, decades, whatever.

"He's a nice guy, he's gorgeous and he's crazy about you! If you don't do him, I will."

"Gail!"

"Hey, you maybe all virtuous but I'm not. And if I were you, well, we wouldn't be having lunch right now, let's just say."

Elaine threw a napkin at her, "Hands off. I don't know if I'm ready yet, but I'm not open to claim jumpers."

"I know, second dibs." Gail flung her blonde hair round in an exaggerated manner, "Just let me know when it's my turn at bat." Then she turned serious, "Elaine, the truth is, I tried the first night. Really tried. He's really in love with you. I got exactly one kiss. And he was very polite when he said goodnight at the front door."

Elaine remembered her jealousy that night and was foolishly relieved--as if it really mattered. "I do want him, but, it's been a while. I think I've forgotten what to do."

"It couldn't have been that long! Trust me, you'll know what to do." Gail frowned and bit her lip, "Speaking of doing, are you, you know, prepared?"

Elaine started to say she did not follow then realized her friend meant protection. The idea took the romance right out of the picture. "Oh. Well. I, uh…" Then she remembered, "Oh, yes! I have an IUD. It's not the sort of thing I tend to think about but it's there."

"Yeah, well, love or not, I know a hound when I see one so I have a few 'somethings' you can slip in your purse."

She was right. Elaine thanked her.

"No prob! Look, I've got laundry. I'll see you around four?"

"Two hours? I'm only getting dressed and we're not leaving until six."

"You're right, three would be better. I'll grab 'Vonne on the way." Gail pitched the napkin back at her and left.

***

Elaine spent the next few hours doing the sort of administrative paperwork she usually tried to avoid. When Yvonne called over the handset, she had to rush back to her room to meet them.

They loved the dress. They loved the gentle but cleave-revealing cowl neckline. They loved the elegant long bell sleeves. They loved the soft curve-hinting ankle length skirt. But more than anything, they loved the back--the exposed to the backside cleave, gentle cowl drape back of the dress. Yvonne lent Elaine a strand of pearls that set off the neckline perfectly. They vetoed the panties and stockings she bought in favor of a low-slung thong and garter set that Gail lent her. They eliminated the bra altogether.

"And ruin that view?" Yvonne was adamant, "Not on my watch."

Gail nearly cried when she saw the shoes, a pair of ankle strapped heels that Elaine was afraid might be too high to walk in but once she got her balance, they seemed ok. The easy decision, of course, was her hair--she wore it loose over her shoulders with only a small pair of clips to keep it from falling into her food all night.

They argued over her coat.

"It's still cold!" Elaine insisted.

"It's a little brisk," Gail took the cover up out of her grasp.

"And besides, you'll be inside most of the evening," Yvonne added, "You'll be fine."

The discussion ended when the doorbell rang and Elaine could have sworn they all turned 14. Yvonne and Gail actually squealed and Elaine was not much better with her panicked, "Oh my God! How do I look?"

Gail finally answered the buzzer, "Yes?"

"It's Curtis." The distorted voice responded, "Tell her I'm ready when she is."

"Ok."

They primped the last details even though Elaine knew no fussing would make a difference. Curtis would not know and likely would not care about all these last second efforts.

"Ok, ok, stop." She waved their hands away, "I'm ready. I think." She took another glance at the mirror. "Do I need more lipstick?"

Yvonne touched up her lips then dropped the gloss in Elaine's purse.

Elaine let out an overwrought gasp, "This is ridiculous!" Then hugged them both, "I love you guys!"

The trio went down together and peered cautiously out the window. Frank--another math teacher--and the facilities manager, Joe, were filling Curtis in on the school's athletics program. Elaine swore under her breath; she was nervous enough without parading like this in front of witnesses.

"Well," Gail finally said, "Go on."

"I need my coat." Elaine's nerves gave out completely but Yvonne got a grip on her shoulder.

"You look great. Get out there."

They opened the door and virtually shoved her out. She turned around to go back in but Gail locked the door. Elaine bang on it once then regretted the action immediately when she saw the reflection of all three men turn to look at her.

No one said anything.

She struggled for a moment to compose herself. Yvonne and Gail seemed to enjoy the whole thing from the safety of the lobby. She turned to face Curtis and carefully walked down the short flight of stairs.

Frank recovered first, "Elaine?" He exclaimed, "Hot damn, Elaine? You…wow."

Joe let out and appreciative whistle. He mimicked Morris Day, "Jerome, I'm gon' need a drink."

Frank shook his head, "Oh lord, I know that's right."

Elaine realized that she did not care what either of them said; Curtis had not said a word yet. He also had not taken his eyes off her.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Her voice was a little shaky.

"Yeah." was all he could muster.

It broke the spell. She smiled, "Your grammar is terrible. Yeah, I'm sorry or Yeah, you've been waiting?"

Like the first time, it took a second for him to process the question then he laughed and ducked his head. It was, to use his own word, fetching.

He opened the car door for her then ran around to let himself in. If Frank or Joe said anything further, Curtis did not appear to notice. She had to remind him about the road twice just getting off campus. After that, he kept his eyes on the window in front of him instead of on her.

"That's, um, quite a dress." He said after a while, "It's, wow! You've aged well."

She let the faux pas go by to see what he would say next. He looked suitably embarrassed.

"I mean, you look great for a…shit!" he stole a glance at her, "How do I say this without sounding like a jackass?"

"You could try 'you look lovely tonight'. That's pretty safe."

"You look lovely tonight." He was grinning.

"Thank you." She was far more pleased by his reaction than she expected to be. "So do you." Which was true; he must own a fleet of well-cut suits. Somehow, the color of his shirt and tie brought out just how rich the brown of his eyes were.

They rode in silence. After a little while, he asked if she wanted the heat adjusted. Then they flipped through the radio dial looking for a good station. When Curtis commented on the clear weather, Elaine laughed out right.

"We're finally alone and we can't find anything to say to each other. Oh, we're a fine pair."

He laughed as well, "Yeah that is pretty sad."

"I have a question, actually."

"Is it dirty?"

"No." Elaine still blushed "Why 'Curtis'?

He laughed again, "Actually, I've always been Curtis. 'Thomas' is the odd part; no one calls me that at home."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He glanced at her, "I was named for my Father but Mom always liked Curtis better so that's what they called me. But when they registered me for school, Dad wrote in 'Thomas C' instead of 'T Curtis' and 'Thomas' just sort of stuck around here."

"Why didn't you ever say anything? We would have changed it."

He shrugged, "I tried. It was too hard to fight. It was on all my records, so it was just easier to go with it."

It made sense. "Ok." Elaine nodded. "Your turn."

He paused for a moment then shook his head, "All the things I've wanted to share with you, and I can't think of a damn thing."

"Like what?"

"What, you mean in the past?" she nodded. "Well, everything. If I needed advice or an opinion. When I just wanted to talk. I mean, I love Ray but she isn't you."

"Who's Ray?"

"Ray. Oh." He looked a bit guilty, "Ray--Rachael--was my fiancé."

"Fiancé?" Elaine tried to keep her tone neutral despite the distaste that word left.

"Yeah. For three years." He glanced at Elaine, "Don't worry, it's over. She dumped me."

"Why was that?"

"Oh, little things; I stayed out late, left the toilet seat up, kept calling her 'Elaine' when we made love, stuff like that. I think she got tired of correcting me."

"Oh."

"When I pushed the wedding date back for the third time, she told me to drop her a line when you and I set a date." When Elaine did not respond, he went on, "She's really great, though. Smart, funny, pretty. She just finished her master's in criminal psychology. She's applied to Georgetown for her PhD work."

"Wow." She tried to be nice but, truly, she did not want to hear this.

"She has the most amazing..." he glanced at Elaine and stopped short, "You really don't what to hear about my ex-girlfriend, do you?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Sorry." He drove in silence for a while. Thankfully, it was not long before they reach town. Elaine directed him to the restaurant without getting lost and they parked a few blocks away. There was a slight breeze and Elaine shivered as she got out of the car.

"Here." Curtis put his jacket around her shoulders, "Come on." Half a block down he stopped, "Tell me about yours."

"My what?"

"Your last boyfriend. Turnabout's fair play; I told you mine, you tell me yours."

Elaine sighed and began walking again, "I'm sure everyone has told you I don't date much."

"Not much is not never. There has to be someone."

"Why?" she stopped and stared at him, "Why 'has to be'?"

"Well, uh," he sputtered taken aback.

"Nobody." She barked, and then added, "Gary. Gary was my last boyfriend, my last actual relationship. Lasted two years, no engagement." She stalked down the street cursing herself for blurting it out like that. It was not Curtis' fault that she has avoided relationships; there was no reason he should have done the same. What she did and why was past. There was no need for her to snap at him about it. Still, she hoped he would let the topic drop.

He caught up with her in time to open the restaurant door. As they waited for their table, he reclaimed his jacket. Neither the Maître d's nor the waiter's compliments improved her mood any and apart from ordering an expensive bottle of wine, Curtis stayed quiet. She began to feel more than a little foolish.

"I'm sorry." She said finally.

"My fault." He pretended to review the menu again, "I brought it up."

"No, it's me." She sighed, "I don't…"

"…date much." He finished for her, "I got it."

"No." She pushed the menu down so that he could look at her, "I've gone out with a couple guys but I haven't 'Dated'--I haven't had a relationship--since college."

"It's ok." He went back to perusing the menu, "You don't have to explain to me."

The waiter came with the wine and took their dinner orders. Elaine waited for Curtis to say something more. Then two things dawned on her. First, that Curtis' dates routinely included hotel stays--he was not likely to connect her implications--and second, that this dinner was just as unnerving for him as is was for her. For some reason she found comfort in both of these thoughts; inside the suave, clever 'Curtis' she found her sweet, charming 'Thomas'. She watched his hand shake slightly and confirm her suspicions as he picked up his wine.

"You are nervous, aren't you?"

He nearly choked, "What?"

She helped him dab the wine he spilt on his sleeve and laughed, "I'm sorry. I just realized you're just as stressed as I am and neither of us has any reason to be."

He seemed to relax a bit, "You're right, of course. Well, nearly so--I want this evening to be perfect for you. I want you to feel like a princess."

"I'm a little old for a princess; maybe a queen mother."

"Elaine, in that dress you'd pass for 21."

"One look at my face would fix that."

He leered, "I don't think anyone has gotten that far."

"Stop that!" she blushed and flicked a drop of wine at him.

"If you want a food fight, wait for the soup--it's the best ammo."

"No food fights; not in this dress, thank you."

"Maybe I can get one going at this spring fling thing."

"Spring Fest." She told him the details as the appetizers arrived--how it got started and what sorts of projects the student do. The conversation moved smoothly over to how they had spent the last few years. Elaine was suddenly painfully aware of how empty her life had become. When school was in, she was on campus; when it was out, she was usually in DC with her brother. It was a small life; especially in comparison with Curtis who had traveled a great deal in between finishing two degrees and starting a teaching career. Still, somehow, he seemed to find her annual bike trip to the lake almost as interesting as she found his biking through Tuscany. By the time the dessert tray appeared, they were laughing and at ease. While they were talking, he had done it again--made her feel warm and loved. She was not sure she could live without that anymore.

He finished telling her about his last job and grinned, "God, I've missed you. No one else makes me feel this way."

"How?" he made her giddy.

"Like--like I'm saying something meaningful instead of just bitching about my ex-boss. It's not even just that you listen; you actually care." He reached across the table and she joined her hand to his. "I know I've seem a little pushy these last couple of days. I've just been so sure of our feelings. Sorry! My feelings. I haven't given you a chance to sort out your feelings, yet. But, I just can't imagine not being with you anymore."

She almost said 'I love you' but it stuck between her lips. Instead, she looked down at his hands and noticed, for the first time, his class ring. It was a massive square shaped diamond in a very traditional style ring. She turned his hand over to get a better look at it.

"What do you think?" He asked, "Like it?"

"It's…" gaudy she thought but said, "…stunning."

He took it off and handed it to her. "A gift. From my Grandfather."

"Quite a gift. Zirconia?" She knew better but had to ask.

He laughed, "Hardly. 26-caret diamond. The setting is platinum. It's custom. My Bachelors degree is on the right and my Masters on the left."

It was an impressive piece of jewelry; Elaine had never seen a stone that big outside of a museum. "Grandfather must have been very proud." And very wealthy.

"He was actually. He didn't expect me to amount to much so the teaching career impressed him."

"And just what did Grandfather expect, pray tell?"

"Me to spend a great deal of time and money chasing many pretty women and drinking massive quantities of alcohol."

"So why aren't you." That had to be more fun than teaching.

"I did, for a while. I don't know," he shrugged "I got bored."

"Bored? You couldn't have chased that many women if it got boring. Quantify; how many is 'many'?"

"More than 'not much', let's say. A lot." He frowned, "Too many."

She remembered Gail's comment about knowing a hound when she saw one. 'Got it in one.' She thought.

Curtis suddenly laughed, "All those women. And I was looking for you the whole time."

He had been waiting for her, in his own way; over-indulgence was no healthier than her choice of repression. He was looking for her. She could almost cry. She looked back at the ring.

There was an inscription inside the ring. It read, 'TCW LIVV'. Elaine thought for a moment then asked, "I don't get it. 'LIVV'? 56, 5, right?"

He ducked his head and blush slightly, "No, but it is Latin. An acronym for my frat house motto."

The fact that he blushed told her the nature of this motto, 'Which is?"

"Libenter identidem viva voce."

"Which means?" When he arched an eyebrow at her, she shrugged, "No really. College Latin was a long time ago and I don't teach it now. Yvonne does. I could just ask her."

"No," he laughed again, "No need to let her in on it. It means 'With pleasure, repeatedly, aloud. Well, roughly, anyway."

"With pleasure, repeatedly, aloud? That's just a phrase without a subject." She tipped her wine glass toward him and he refilled it, "What 'with'?"

"According to the Dean? Living Life."

"But really it's…?"

"Having orgasms."

"Curtis!" Elaine nearly choked on her wine and it was his turn to chuckle at her, "Have a little decorum."

"Is there a more appropriate way to say it? Because I assure you that's not how we said it on campus. If you want, I could tell you…"

"No!" she stopped him, "We're in a restaurant for God sake." She handed the ring back. He slipped it on then reclaimed her hand.

"I've said worse in restaurants. Hell, I've done worse. And that dress definitely gives a man some very tempting ideas libenter."

"Thomas…" she started softly.

He pulled his hand away, "Sorry, sorry! That was pressure. I withdraw the statement."

"What?"

"'Thomas'. You called me 'Thomas' again. Which I've noticed you do anytime you start... Well, whenever I get pushy."

"I fell in love with 'Thomas'," This time it just slipped out, "I'm just getting to know 'Curtis'."

"We're one and the same." Then after a second, "Wait, what? Fell in love?"

She sighed, "I've been denying it for years but I can't look at you and not know it's true. I don't know…"

He kissed her, sweetly at first then with growing need. She gave in gratefully. When the waiter's snide "ahem" interrupted them, she found it difficult to focus on him.

"The check, Sir."

"Here." Curtis handed him a credit card without a glance at the bill.

"No, wait." Elaine opened her purse but Curtis waved the man away before she had her wallet out. "Curtis, that bill must have been extravagant! The least I can do is pay half."

"Did you enjoy your meal?"

"Yes, but…"

"Then it's worth twice the price."

"Which you don't even know since you're being macho about this. You don't have to try and impress me. I remember what it was like to pay student loans on a teacher's salary."

"What loans? I wrote GW a check."

Elaine opened her mouth then closed it. Like many of Peterson's students, Curtis had been a "Trust Fund Baby".

He smirked, "Grandfather wanted us to spend our lives doing what made us happy not working for a living. I teach because I want to, not to pay the rent. My finances are" he paused, "comfortable." When the waiter returned, Curtis signed the bill without a second glance and escorted her back to the car. By the time they got there, she was smiling.

"What?" he asked as he reached for his seatbelt.

"You really love teaching."

"I really do."

"And you won't be asking for a raise in two years."

He laughed and shook his head, "Ah, there's the department head I know and love." He stole a kiss, then a second, then a third and they lost themselves in the passion until Elaine's seatbelt nearly throttled her. They laughed, bashfully.

He ducked his head down and started the car, "Dancing. Time for dancing." He played for a minute with an electronic map then headed off.

They parked in front of a club that looked familiar. Once inside, Elaine realized where they were. "This is the hotel where we used to hold the prom."

"Yeah. My senior prom would have--should have been here, but," he shrugged, "Anyway, I thought it would be fun."

It was packed. '80s music blared from a sound system that could wake the dead. Looking at the crowd, Elaine felt like an over-dressed grandmother. She could feel her hair turning grey as she watched the room full of young, hip, pretty people. They found the sole empty table overlooking the dance floor and shortly an underdressed waitress with overdone hair came by to take their orders. When she returned with their drinks, she shouted to Elaine over the din, "Cool dress!"

Elaine watched the gyrating bodies on the dance floor and drained her drink in two pulls. She did not indulge often, but when she did, it was not by halves. Curtis was staring at her in a new way.

"Something wrong?" She had to all but shout.

He moved closer to her--intimately close--but she could speak normally at least, "I've never seen you drink."

"We've never been on a date before." She laughed.

"I know." He marveled, "It's just…you downed a double scotch, neat like most people drink water. I don't know anybody who does that."

"Oh, I surprised you, eh?" Elaine grinned, "Actually, I'm the family lightweight. My brother drinks me under the table every time. My Grandmother can drink most people blind."

"Good to know." He grinned back and ordered a second round.

He had to coax, but eventually he teased her on to the dance floor. At first, she felt silly but dancing with Curtis was infectious and soon she was moving like she had not in years. She remembered a few steps from 'back in the day' and when Curtis excused himself for a moment, Elaine found herself with two new dance partners. For once, she just enjoyed it. When the music changed to a slow song, she thanked them and returned to the table. Curtis intercepted her and pulled her into his arms. She could feel his heart racing; feel his erection against her, rubbing against her as they swayed to the music. She could feel every inch of him it seemed, could practically calculate how far he was from being inside her. It was maddening--he was not touching her in sensitive places and yet his touch was enflaming. It was her heart she felt racing; her blood making the room hot. She put her head on his shoulder and sighed. The scent of him was the last straw.

She felt like this was the first time. Like so long ago was a practice run--tonight, with Curtis would be real. Tonight. She was suddenly very glad they were near a hotel.

Were he had already reserved a room.

She nearly groaned aloud. She knew whatever the past, whatever the future, she needed--she wanted him--tonight. Her body cried out for his with an ache she had never felt before. She flirted with taking him on the dance floor then and there. She reined in her imagination somewhat.

She pulled away from him before the song ended. He looked hurt.

"Sorry." She was flustered again but it was anticipation wrecking havoc with her nerves this time. "Ladies room. I'll be back."

She did go to the ladies after she found the front desk and checked in. She learned that the suite came with a champagne breakfast among other amenities. He was not kidding about the royal treatment.

When she returned to the club, someone else had claimed the table. After a short search through the crowded space, she found him petulantly sipping another drink at the bar.

"Thomas…" she let her voice quiver just a little, "I think, I think we should go now."

He actually did an admirable job trying to sound upbeat, "Sure. Hey, no problem." He took her hand, smiled sadly and kissed her on the cheek. At the door of the club, they pulled in opposite directions.

"We're parked this way," he sighed, not quite hiding his disappointment.

"I know," she paused, "but our room is this way."

"Oh." That caught him off-guard. She had to give him a tug to get him to follow her to the elevators. When the doors closed behind him, though, he needed no further encouragement. As soon as she pushed the floor, he pinned her to the wall with a kiss that astounded her; it made her head spin. He picked her up, barely breaking contact and carried her off the elevator, heading down the hall pausing only to find the key and the room number. It took him two tries to open the door without releasing her lips. They were both gasping when he closed the door and began kissing her throat. The back of her neck. Her shoulders. When he began to remove her dress, though, she stiffened.

He froze. Then let her go and walked into the room, turning on the light as he bumped into a lamp. "We could watch a movie, if you like." His voice was very tight and very soft.

"Thomas…" she wanted to scream but she tried to sound calm, "please."

"I tell you what, I'll just go."

"Thomas…"

"I'll call you in the morning."

"Thomas, please." She stopped him; put her hands on his chest, "Please, just listen. I want to be here, I just…I'm just nervous." She tried to steady her nerves, "I really wish I wasn't saying this."

"Just say it." He was so tense she could feel him trembling, "I told you how I feel about this."

"Thomas…"

"And, damn it, stop calling me that! I'm not 17 anymore." He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair, "Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just…never mind. Tell me what's going on."

"Curtis," she said carefully, "My last relationship was just after college."

He waited. He still looked confused.

"I haven't…been…with anyone since then." She put extra emphasis on 'been'.

It was another minute before the idea came through, "Are you telling me that you haven't had sex since college?"

Elaine nodded.

"Are you kidding?"

"It's not unheard of, you know."

"I know but…" he stood up suddenly, "I really should go."

"Damn it, you twit!" she pushed him back down, "I want to be here. With you. I got the key, Ok? That was the deal." She took a deep breath, "It's just been a while. I'm nervous. I don't even remember what I'm supposed to do with my nose, let alone anything else."

He looked at her oddly and shook his head, "Ms. Beaugoud's a virgin."

"I'm not a virgin!" She relented, "Well, almost."

"Are you sure about this? I don't want you to hate me in the morning."

She chuckled at him, "Which this, being a virgin or being with you?" She leaned down and kissed him lightly, "Never mind, I'm sure about both. Just be patient and show me what to do."

"You do whatever you want," he stood and held her, "I want to make you feel right, ok?"

"Curtis?" She pulled his face to hers and tried to convey all the arousal she felt. "Stop talking."

He got it. His fingers caressed her back sending delightful tingling of pleasure up and down her nerves. His lips left hers and began exploring her exposed neck and shoulders. She sighed and gasped as sensations carried her away. He ran his fingers through her hair and began kissing down her spine. She moaned.

He stopped.

"I can see," he said, "why Ray found that so damn irritating."

Elaine nearly screamed. She was more aroused than she had ever been. The anticipation alone was making her wet, "What, Curtis? What's wrong now?"

He arched one eyebrow, "You didn't notice? No, I guess not. Hmmm."

She tried to kiss him again but he pulled away and held her at arms length, "Please, Thomas, don't do this."

"Again!" He waved his finger at her as if he were scolding a naughty child, "I really have to put a stop to that."

"A stop to what, damn it?"

"You keep calling me 'Thomas'"

"Because that's how I know you."

"Knew me. When I was a child. I need to know you're with me now not with who I was then." He paused, then smiled pure mischief, "I have an idea. What's my name?"

"Curtis!" Elaine was so frustrated she fairly snarled it.

"Very good." He purred and kissed her deeply "Say it again."

"Curtis." He nibbled the soft spot behind her earlobe and she groaned.

"Again." He whispered.

"Curtis." His lips moved around her chest as far as the daring neckline allowed. His fingers began gently stroking her thighs.

"Again." His voice was muffled by the fabric.

She did not realize she had said 'Thomas' until he stepped back and stared at her smugly.

"Oh, no." She nearly cried, "Curtis. It's Curtis. Don't stop. Please. Don't."

"I'll have to start all over again from the top. I'll never get all the way down if you don't pay attention to your lessons."

She realized from the gentle tone and his ragged breathing that he was enjoying this torment. "You are such a bastard." She managed to whisper but really could not wait for him to start again.

It took a concerted effort of will but she stayed focus long enough for him to pull down one sleeve of her dress and revel her naked breasts. Her nipples--swollen, almost painfully--gave her the first real orgasm she had had in years when he lightly swirled his tongue around one of them.

"Say my name," he taunted.

"C-c-curtis!" She cried out as the wave past through her, "Oh, God, Curtis!"

He sucked her nipples gently and sparks went off behind Elaine's eyelids. She struggled to remain focused and knew she was only going to be able to do this once, she could hardly remember her own name at this point let alone his. He suckled her breasts expertly; she could feel another orgasm building already. Finally, she felt him lift the other shoulder of the dress and wait.

"What's my name?"

She swallowed hard and struggled to keep her voice steady, "Thomas."

He looked at her in shock and she managed an evil grin of her own, "I guess you'll have to start all over again. From the top."

He did not grin back. He was quite serious when he removed her dress and let it fall to the floor. "No more games." He whispered before picking her up and laying her on the bed. His lips alternated between her mouth and her breasts while his hands calmly removed her shoes and stockings. She was much more frantic in her efforts to remove his shirt and tie.

His fingers brushed the inside of her thighs; they were wet. He groaned as he bent down and began lapping them. He nearly ripped the useless little thong out of his way. Slowly he kissed her labia as he kissed her lips--first gently then fiercely, treating her clit like a small tongue. The world just about exploded for Elaine. And then she felt it; behind the orgasm--the monumental orgasm--the urge. She pushed him away, frantically, almost too late. She could barely move with the orgasm running through her, "Oh God, Oh God," she panted as she got up and staggered to the bathroom. She did not acknowledge Curtis' anguished "What the fuck?"

She hated this. She could not hold it. Rarely during intercourse she had managed; never orally. She could not stop herself from peeing. She released a short stream of liquid then, embarrassed, washed and dried her whole crotch. She wrapped a towel around herself, and feeling less vulnerable, stepped back into the room.

Curtis was stretched out on the bed with his hands behind his head and his erection straight up. The sight of it dislodged whatever she had planned to say. She sat on the bed beside him and stroked him, tentative at first but then with more confidence. Any memory she had of her first lover could not compare with the baseball bat that Curtis casually displayed before her.

"Are you going to explain that?" by his tone, he was more than a little pissed off.

She thought about the question for a moment then decided on a better idea, "No." she leaned over and swirled his balls with her tongue. They were hairy and heavy and he groaned while she played. He tried to speak, breathless and gasping but she ignored him and wetly lapped up the length of him. At the head, she sucked the drizzle of pre-cum that had gathered. She remembered this from her first lover; tasting him and watching him cum had been one of the bright spots. Curtis was turning out to be just as good. Better; there was more to play with. She wrapped her lips around him and remembered to take care with her teeth. She could not help smiling when he cried out. She focused her attention on long slow strokes and trying to fit as much of him in her mouth as she could. It took a few tries but she recalled how to deep throat and was able to swallow most of his length. She could not reach his balls, though, and used her fingers to play with them. Once she got the rhythm, she began working through a few half-remembered old tricks, noting mentally whenever Curtis cried out. She had a feeling that she surprised him more than once. She could feel him writhing and felt him frantically pull at her shoulder. Without releasing him, she carefully crawled between his legs and swallowed him deeply. She continued with slow strokes again but could not stay that way for long. She wanted him to cum. Wanted to taste it, wanted to feel it on her skin, wanted to feel him deep inside her. She remembered one more little trick and let her lips vibrate as she moaned with pleasure. His hands were in her hair holding her head tightly. It pulled a little but it told her that he was close. When he was lodged in her throat again, she constricted it around him. Curtis howled and came. A jet stream shot down her throat and she loosened her grip so she could actually taste the rest of his load. Then, she lapped and sucked his cock, cleaning every bit of his warm cum and felt a gentle shutter run through her body. Again, she could feel her juices on her thighs and was very glad that the towel had fallen beneath her at some point. Curtis lay panting for a moment or two. Then he reached for her and pulled her to lie beside him. Between kisses he moaned, "Where the hell did you learn to do that?"

"I'm guessing you enjoyed it?"

"That was, wow, that was good." He was breathless, "Yeah, wow."

"Good." She snuggled beside him.

He wrapped his arms around her and they stayed that way for some time. He kissed her temple softly, "Elaine?"

"Hmmm?"

"If you want to sleep now, we can," he stroked her arm softly, "or we can go on."

"No, it's ok." She smiled at him, "I know you're pretty drained after that."

He kissed her nose, which was awkward but sweet. "Your college boy was a real shithead, wasn't he?"

"No, actually he was a very nice boy."

"No, he was a shithead. I know he was a shithead because I'm not drained and if you think I should be, someone lied to you. I'm not done, I haven't gotten started making you cum." He kissed her lightly again, "I think shithead made you afraid to really cum. I don't know why, but I'm going to find out."

"I'm not afraid." But she could feel a chill and knew it was not the room temperature.

"Then why did you pull away and go running for the bathroom?"

"Because I had to go." 'As usual', she thought sourly, "That's all."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Good." He sat up and started arranging the linens around her. "Sit up."

"What are you doing?"

"You'll see." Under the standard hotel coverlet were satin sheets. He must have special requested them. It was extravagant but Elaine had to admit, they felt wonderful. He tucked both pillows behind her and arranged the gorgeous sheets around her toes. "Comfy?"

"Yes. What are you doing?"

"Making sure you're comfortable."

"I got that." She laughed and he kissed her again, "The question is why?"

"The better to eat you with, my child."

He dove in. Slowly. Softly. She started to protest that he did not have to do it again but she could not do more than gasp and sigh. She knew she would have to pull away before it happened again. Part of her mind knew that that was exactly what he had accused her of but it was better than peeing on him. For a while, she just enjoyed the feeling. His tongue was warm and talented and, clearly, he was enjoying himself. He licked, sucked, and slowly built her to riding the edge of an orgasm. Somehow, he kept her riding that edge; he would change the rhythm or pressure or something and she would groan with frustration and need. Then he sucked her clit, flicking the tip of his tongue against it and she knew that whatever he did next she would cum. She tried to pull away and could not; she was wedged between him and the headboard. He slipped a finger inside her and found her g-spot, which did it. She cried out--nearly screamed--and released what felt like a flood. It was intense and seemed endless. She was still in the grip of it when she realized that he had not stopped. He lapped her cunt more hungrily than ever, keeping an electrical current flowing throughout her body. She wanted to stop him but her fingers in his hair moved of their own volition and held his head in place. The sounds still issuing from her were guttural, inarticulate and loud. She exploded again and again he did not stop despite the fluid she released. She would have screamed but she did not have the breath for it. She groaned and thrashed uncontrollably. He lapped her slowly, letting her calm down some. Then his tongue slid back and caressed her anus. Elaine gasped. Curtis kept his fingers and tongue moving between her clit and anus until she did scream and the world around her seemed to spin. She did not actually pass out but she was beyond sensation for a few minutes.

When she could open her eyes and see clearly, he was still laying between her legs reminding her of nothing so much as a satisfied cat. His mustache and beard were both wet and he was grinning again. She held her arms out to him and he held her and kissed her again. His tasted of her--a bit tart and salty.

"Sorry 'bout all that." She whispered when she could speak.

"That shithead didn't eat pussy, did he?"

She shrugged, "Not mine, at least."

"Stupid." He kissed her yet again, "Was that good for you?"

She tried to laugh but did not have the breath for it yet, "Couldn't you tell?"

"If it's just a matter of volume, the whole hotel could tell. You're a loud one, aren't you?" he teased with another kiss, "I love that. Viva voce. No, I want to know if that felt right to you."

"It felt wonderful. I'm just sorry I can't control my…" she paused and looked away, "that whole bladder thing. I tried to pull away but you just wouldn't let me go."

"You have no idea what just happened, do you?" His tone was amused.

"Are you saying that you like being peed on?"

"Ah, no," he arched one eyebrow then kissed her again, "but that wasn't urine. Look, tomorrow we'll spend all morning looking up female ejaculation. In the meantime, ready for more?"

"More?"

He took her hand and placed it on his throbbing erection. "More. If you want it. Do you want it?" He ran his hand over her body, tweaking her nipple, rubbing her ass, "Do you want to feel me inside you?"

She quivered and moaned, "Oh God." She kissed him, pushed him down and rubbed her whole body against his, "Fuck me, Curtis."

He closed his eyes and groaned, "Oh, hell yeah." He slid his hand down to lift her hips and turned her on her back, legs wide, "I've been waiting my whole life to hear you say that." He teased her clit with the head of his cock. The slick juices seemed to flow continuously as he slid around. He pushed the tip into her.

Pain shocked Elaine and an involuntary yelp escaped her. Curtis withdrew immediately.

"Oh, God! I'm sorry!" he was flustered, "I forgot. Are you alright?"

"It's alright, I'm fine." The tearing sensation had started to fade, "Slowly. You're…" she could not help blushing, "…bigger. This may take a while."

"As long as you want."

She looked at him; he was wonderful. At that moment, if he had asked, Elaine would have married him on the spot. Instead, she pondered the best way to bear the pain; maybe just bite her lip and take him all at once. She blushed and laughed, "I don't know how this is usually done."

"I'm not sure either." This time he colored, "I've never been 'first' before."

"I should point out that you still haven't been."

"Shitheads don't count."

"That's not helpful."

He smiled softly, "Tell me what would help."

"I guess we should just, you know, full force so to speak." Her brow knit.

"Just ram it in and screw?" she nodded, "And leave you torn and bloody and hating sex even more? No." he brushed her face gently, "That's how shithead did it, isn't it?"

She did not answer. There did not seem to be anything to say to it.

"I think I hate this guy. I really have to meet him and beat the crap out of him." He kissed her, "Slowly. We start like this." He slipped one finger inside her, "Oooooo, wet. Very nice." He added a second finger, "Wow, that's tight. Wet, hot, tight; I'm not going to last two minutes. I'm going to slid into you and just explode."

His fingers eased in and out, twisting and pulling. She moaned each time he flicked his thumb over her clit or stroked her g-spot. She was on the verge of another climax when he smeared his wet fingers against her mouth.

"One more quick taste," he licked the cum off her lips and panted, "I promise I'll fuck you but I just want one more taste of your sweet pussy."

She sucked his fingers then sighed, "You too."

He used one of her thighs as a pillow and buried his face between her legs. She sucked his cock wantonly. He used his tongue and alternated between two and three fingers to drive her insane. She tried to give as good as she got but nearly bit down on him when the orgasm ripped through her. She was still in the grip of it when he pulled away from her. Quickly he lifted her hips and shoved the head of his cock into her. She cried out in surprise but not pain. Her thrashing pushed him in further but he tried to hold himself still.

When her nerves came down some, she could feel him inside her, stretching and wonderful.

Hoarsely he asked, "Are you ok?" He was panting and sweating.

"Uh huh." Her voice was at least as octave above normal, "uh, more."

"More?"

"Yeah. Slow."

"Slow." Slowly he pulled out of her then just as slowly reentered and pushed further in.

She put her hands on his chest to stop him and then held that position until she felt him shaking. "Again. Slow."

"Slow." He whispered back. He groaned as he entered her again, "Oh God. Oh Elaine, you are divine."

The pleasure was intense. It made all the songs and poems about being made whole make perfect sense. This is what she was missing in her life. Curtis held the parts to make her complete. She swallowed hard trying to keep breathing. She could see him, feel him aching to let loose. 'Soon' she thought, 'Soon.'

"Again." She breathed "Slow."

"Again." His eyes closed, "Slow." His face contorted as if he was in pain.

It made her worry, "Are you ok?" she gasped.

He wiped his face with the nearest bed linen, "Yeah. Fine." He panted. Then his head and shoulders sagged, "You're so tight. Oh God, I just…" He straightened up again, his voice cracked, "Again. Slow."

This time there was a sharp pain deep within her and she yelped again. He started to pull out but she grabbed his ass and held him still, "Don't you dare!" Bumping her cervix had surprised her but not dampened her desire.

"If you want slow, let go." He growled. She released her grip and ran her hands lightly over his muscular ass, feeling it flex as she caressed. "Elaine, please!" That musical baritone was taut with effort to stay controlled.

"Ok. Ok." She took a deep breath, "All of it."

He was no longer slow--jackhammer was a better description. On the third stroke, she came. He held her tightly through her climax, keeping himself almost still and kissing her fiercely. Then he started again, pounding her. Each time she thought she had reached her next peak, the next stroke would take her higher. Curtis was grunting and sweating like a bull. She could not imagine how he had held out for so long but she loved him even more for it.

"Elaine!" it was a snarl more than a word, "I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum now!"

"Yes!" His orgasm triggered yet another of hers and they screamed in tandem. He collapsed atop her, genuinely exhausted. His eyes actually crossed for a moment before they focused on her.

"Thank you." He whispered.

She did not mean to, but she cried then. He seemed to understand that it was ok, and just held her. She fell asleep that way, curled against him, her cheek tickled by the modest amount of hair on his chest.

Elaine woke with a start in a dark room in a bed that felt strangely empty. Then she remembered where she was and realized that the sound that woke her was Curtis in the bathroom. When he returned she stayed still, pretending to be asleep. He slipped back into the bed carefully and kissed her cheek softly. He spooned behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She had to smile when he copped a quick feel before he settled back down all the way. She thought of rolling over--giving him something to really feel--but it was warm and comfortable being entwined with him, and she was asleep again before she could muster the energy to move.

At some point in the darkness, she woke and felt his erection pressed against her ass. She pulled it between her legs. It felt warm and pleasant resting gently against her pussy. He shifted in his sleep and she reached down to hold him in place. The touch pushed the head of his cock inside her lips and she was surprised to discover how wet she was. She rubbed herself against him. It felt so good. It felt better when his soft nuzzling on the back of her neck became insistent kisses.

"You feel," he whispered, "so good."

She groaned and pushed his cock inside herself.

He reached around and fingered her clit as he slowly slid in and out. When she came, mewing helplessly, he rode her through it, whispering how good it felt. He seemed to keep a steady pace forever as if he were in no hurry to cum. At first it was wonderful, but after a while Elaine thought she would go insane.

"Curtis. Faster. Harder." She moaned, "I want to feel you."

He did not change his pace, "What about slow?" he whispered, nibbling her ear.

She moaned again and pushed against him trying to change the rhythm, "Please. Oh God, please. Fuck me!"

"Harder? Like this?" he rammed his full length into her with one thrust.

"Yes!" She was cumming again.

"How about deeper?" he punctuated each syllable with another thrust. She cried out with each one.

The force of him pushed her onto her stomach and he pounded her from behind. He began twisting his hips slightly with each thrust, which only made her cries of passion louder. It was almost combative as he banged her and she groaned in rhythm. She knew what she needed to feel to end the stalemate.

"Cum." She forced the words out, "Curtis, cum. Please!"

A sound from deep in his chest rumbled and his pace changed completely. Suddenly he was a piston, hammering her, as she needed it now. When he came, it was through clinched teeth. Her release was seconds behind his and caused her to spasm uncontrollably. She squealed loudly. He collapsed and barely had time to wrap his arms around her before falling asleep.

Sunday Morning

When she woke again, sunlight was streaming in the window and Curtis was watching her, grinning.

"Good morning." Her mouth felt coated in cotton but he kissed her anyway.

"How'd you sleep?"

It was a good way to start the morning; exchanging pleasantries with someone who made you feel magical the night before. They were beginning to do more kissing than talking when someone knocked at the door. She glanced at the clock.

"Ah, your expensive breakfast. You, young man, have extravagant tastes."

"Libenter identidem viva voce." He kissed her shoulder, "Words to live by."

"Tell that to the waiter." She slipped out of his arms and into the bathroom before he could catch her. "Dibs on the bathroom, you get the door."

He banged on the door, laughing, "You could at least give me a towel!"

She pulled one down from the rack and a small box fell out. She tossed the towel out to him, closed the door once more and picked up the box.

It was a black velvet ring box.

She sat down.

She looked at the box and listened to Curtis chatting casually with the bellhop in the other room. She did not open the box. She was not sure she wanted to know what was inside. She knew she would open it--how could she not?--but she was not sure what she wanted to see.

It was, of course, a ring. But not what she expected. It was a class ring; the ladies version of the one he wore with the same oversized square diamond but with a more delicate over all shape. It was practically identical except for the fact that the dates for her BA and MS on the sides were about 10 years older than his. She looked at the inscription expecting to see her initials and his little motto. Instead, it said 'WillYouMarryMe?'

Elaine stared at the ring wondering why she was not surprised or more shocked. Why she was not lightheaded and dizzy? She felt no stress at all. She felt calm; a little anticipation, knowing that they would be making love again--probably before breakfast. She laughed quietly when she found the ring too big for anything but her thumb.

She heard the outer door close and realized that he would shortly wonder what was taking so long. She put the ring back in its box and locked the bathroom door. He must have been planning this for months.

He could wait for her to take a shower before she said 'yes'.

Thank you for reading the whole thing. If you want to send me feedback, go here please and thank you! (The box is bigger than it looks, really.) If you prefer to rate, send me a 1 (hated it) to 5 (loved it) and thanks!

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