"Master?"

Sir Eric Nicolas Roberts, Viscount of Atlantia, sighed, then mumbled, "Hmm?".

"Is the Queen's castle much further?"

His Excellency opened his eyes and looked down from his horse at his squire walking besides him.

"Do you see it yet Squire?"

"No Master, I do not," he said just before he clumsily stumbled.

"Are you tired boy?"

"No, not tired...  My left shoe has a hole in it, Master, and I keep getting pebbles in it."

"Hop up here, then," Eric commanded.

"Thank you, Master," James said with relief.

It took James three tries to get on the horse, and the only reason he made it on the third was from Eric grabbing the boy's arm before he toppled off again.

"Thank you, Master," James repeated once his butt was settled in the saddle in front of Eric, innocently pressing it against Eric's crotch.

"Just make sure you get your shoe fixed before we leave for Atlantia," Eric said evenly.

James turn half way around with a look of happy astonishment, then when Eric couldn't stop a grin from breaking through his mask of indifference, James swung his leg over to give Eric a hug, but fell off the horse instead.  

"Not again," Eric thought to himself.

"Sorry, Master."

Eric held his hand out to the boy, and despite himself was enchanted even more by the boy by his innocent blush as Eric pulled the boy back up on the horse.

"Thank you Master," James said as he hugged Eric.  "I'll be the best squire in the entire kingdom."

"Just don't forget that, boy," Eric said sternly as James turned around to face the front.  "I can think of three other boys who are just as eager, but they don't chatter on like you."

"Sorry Master," he said, his enthusiasm drooping.

Eric simply handed the boy the reins to restore his spirits, then closed his eyes to try and get some more rest.

"Master?"

"Hmm?"

"I think the devil is in my head."

"Why do you say that?"

"I can't stop thinking of those two ladies."

"How old are you, squire?"

"Fourteen and two months, Master."

"Has your pecker grown any hair?"

"Yes, Master," James said uncomfortably.

"Then no, you don't have the devil in your head."

"Then why do I..."

"Squire, do you know what fornicate or copulate means?"

"Yes, Master."

"You can't copulate with your clothes on, can you?"

"I don't think so, Master."

"So it's normal for a boy with hair on his pecker to like thinking about women without their clothes.  It's just getting you ready to copulate."

"Ohh.."

....

"Master?"

"Hmm?"

"My old master liked to fornicate with his boys."

"Doesn't surprise me.  Did he fornicate with you?"

"A couple times."

Eric grunted.

"Master?"

"Hmmm."

"Do you want to fornicate with me?"

"No, squire.  I fornicate with women, not boys."

"I'm glad, Master."

....

"Squire?"

"Yes Master?"

"I won't share my women with you.  You have to find your own to fornicate with."

"Yes Master, but... How did you know I was thinking that?"

"Because I asked my master the same thing when I was your age.  Now hush up.  I'm trying to rest."

"Yes Master," James said happily.

Ten minutes later...

"Master?"

"What squire?" Eric asked grouchily.

"I can see the castle.  What do the black flags mean?"

"Black flags?" Eric said, jolting his eyes open, spotting the black flags James was talking about, then took the reins from James's hands and commanded, "Get behind me!  MOVE!"

James had barely gotten his leg over the horse behind Eric when Eric brought the horse to a gallop.  As the horse increased its speed and cut into the forest, James had to wrap his arms around Eric to keep from falling off.

"Squire!" Eric yelled.

"Yes Master?"

"Black flags mean the castle is under siege.  We're making for a stream where I'm going to drop you off.  Follow it upstream until you reach the second bridge, then follow the road to your right until you reach a farm.  The farmer will keep you safe until I come for you.  Clear?"

"Yes Master."

"Tell me where you're going?"

"To a farm."

"And how do you get there?"

"Follow the river upstream.  Second bridge, right."

"Good boy!  Now give me your shoe."

"My shoe Master?"

"The one with the hole in it."

"I'm sorry master.  I fibbed.  I _was_ tired."

"Boy, if you want to be my squire, don't ever fib to me again, no matter how little."

"Yes master, I won't ever again."

Once Eric spotted the stream, he slowed his steed as they approached it, and then brought it to a halt beside it.

"Squire, run and don't stop until you see the farm.  Don't stop for anything.  I'll see you in day or two."

"Master!" the boy shouted after Eric had turned to go.

"Squire, I said run!"

"Yes sire, but...  For the Love of the Queen!"

Eric grinned and said, "Yes squire!" then echoed the kingdom's battle call, "For the Love of the Queen!"

After a mad gallop through the woods, Eric slowed his horse and dismounted it when he approached the forest's edge near the castle.  The grounds surrounding the castle were littered with the bodies of solders, all of whom wore the crest of the Queen's only enemy, Lord Harris.

Despite there being so many bodies, a large force of the enemy was still at large, most of which were trying to find their way through a tangle of magical booby traps scattered about.

"Solders are so much like mice when put into a maze," Timicus said, appearing on a rock just beside Eric who was crouched down and watching the enemy through some bushes.

"Aye, but they may turn into lions if they become trapped," Eric warned.

"'Tis good to see you, brother," Timicus said as he knelt to watch along side Eric.

"Aye, brother.  I see you have been busy with the magics?"

"You know the Queen.  She firmly believes that killing the enemy only fuels their family's quest for revenge."

"I know the wisdom in her words, but then the enemy just comes back."

"Yes, but they don't remember doing so, so the same tricks can work every time."

"Surely you do not rely on this."

"Nay, my brother.  I bore much too easily."

Eric chuckled, then said, "The Queen and her Champion are well?"

"For the moment.  However, Sir Conner's wound was made by a sword forged by black magic.  It will never heal entirely.  I fear our Champion will not live to see his duties through."

"Then I trust my brother has a plan to circumvent this."

"I do."

"Am I to guess this plan of yours?"

"Eric, my brother, your skill as a swordsmen is nearly as great as your skills as a lover.  The Queen must have a champion who can spread love for her and bring justice to those who need it.  You qualify beyond measure for both."

"Brother, I know you are not suggesting that I challenge Joseph to a fight to the death."

"Nay, my brother.  Our offer to you to be the Queen's next Champion requires no human bloodshed besides that of those foolish to challenge you to the right.  But the Queen's Champion must have no other loyalties intruding on his service to the Queen.  Do you love your Queen enough to abandon your duties as Viscount of Atlantia for the next seven years?"

"You well know that my father, the man who raised us as brothers, would personally castrate me if I even hesitated to say my life belongs to my Queen.  There is no conflict.  My duties and loyalties have always been to the service and love of the Queen."

"Then I shall inform the Queen she has a new Champion, and as we shall need to prepare the castle for a double ceremony..."

Timicus stood up, put his fingers to his mouth and let out a long loud whistle.

Eric stayed crouched as a few of the enemy solders noticed Timicus and quickly had the entire force's attention.

"Excuse me!  I'm afraid there's been a cock-up.  The castle you're looking for is seventy miles that way!" Timicus yelled, pointing to the East.  "This castle is owned by a pair of newlywed dragons who should be getting back from their honeymoon any minute now."

The crowd of solders became very agitated, some of them looking frantically up at the sky for any sign of the beasts while a couple shouted something back to Timicus.

"I believe they're both fire breathing, but I did hear someone say they were into sniffing acid, so I suppose its possible they could breath it back out on you," Timicus shouted back.

After another man shouted, Timicus put his hand on his hip and cried, "Look, I'm not a dragonalogist.  As I see it, at best you all will end up as toasted marshmallow men on those pokey sticks you all seem to have, so if I were you, I'd haul ass east!"

"Morons," Timicus exclaimed before saying in a mocking voice, "But I thought fire breathing dragons hated acid breathing dragons.  Hello?  It's a dragon.  Who cares what they breathe."

"Double ceremony?"

"Yea, the wedding of our Queen to Sir Connor.  Huh.  They still aren't leaving."

Timicus closed his eyes and muttered in an ancient language a moment before clapping twice and then sneezing.

"Bless you."

"Thank you.  I'm allergic to dragons, you know."

"But there isn't going to be any dragons, right?"

A scream from the distant men was followed by a sudden hush, and just as Eric saw what appeared to be an extremely fast moving cloud, the entire enemy army ran like hell eastward.

"Oh shit!" Eric said just as Timicus sneezed again.

"Oh shit is right.  I need a handkerchief.  I don't suppose you have the kidneys of a rabbit or squirrel on you?" Timicus asked.

"What?  No.  Will they stop dragons?"

"No.  They're <sniffles> natural antihistamines for dragon allergies.  Take two squirrel kidneys and your dragon sniffles go away, my auntie always says."

"Your auntie is a loon, and I'm thinking you are too if actually called two dragons to get rid of that lot."

"No, the dragons are mainly for you to slay.  Slyterious Zonicous Zi-squirrel!"

A poof of pink smoke left two small fresh kidneys in Timicus's hand.  He then held his nose as he popped them in his mouth and swallowed them whole.

He made a face, then snapped three times.  The large turtle that poofed into existence in front of him made him frown, but then he snapped once to poof it back to where it had come before snapping three times with the other hand.

After a glass of water on a pedestal poofed before him, Timicus quickly downed the water before snapping once again to poof it away.

"What was the turtle for?"

"Oh nothing.  I forgot I had made three snaps on my right hand pot luck on every Wednesday.  The Queen finds it quite amusing when my magic doesn't always work the way I expect it to."

"Timicus, I've never slain a dragon before," Eric said urgently.

"Yes, and that is why I have provided you with not one, but two dragons.  The Queen's Champion must also be a proven slayer of dragons, you know."

Timicus looked over to Eric's horse, then tilted his body to look beside the horse before asking, "I say, Eric.  Haven't you forgotten something?"

"No, I did not bring any dragon fighting gear," Eric said, exasperated.

"I didn't expect you to.  But shouldn't you have a squire by now?"

"Oh him.  I sent him to the Keller farm.  He's not ready for combat."

"The Keller farm, eh?" Timicus echoed, closing his eyes.

"Brother, please don't bring..."

><Snap> <Snap> <Poof>

"Him here."

"Master!?  What happened?  How did I get here?"

Eric sighed, then said, "Squire James Nathalion Ritter, this is the Queen's sorcerer, Timicus Brandton of Atlantia"

"Wow!  The Timicus?"

"Accept no substitutes," Timicus said, snapping once to poof an ink plotter and feather to him.

Timicus picked up the feather and held it in the air as he looked down at the boy.

"Rather puny for a squire.  Is he the best you could do?"

"He makes up for his size in other ways," Eric defended.

Timicus reached out and felt behind James's ear, then pulled it back and remarked, "He's still wet behind the ears.  Did you take him from his mother's arms?"

"I sort of...  Tripped," James said with embarrassment.

"Tripped?"

"Yes, master.  Into the stream."

"I see," Timicus said, walking around him.

"Only once," James offered, then after glancing at Eric, he lowered his head and said, "I mean, twice."

"Well, I suppose if a dragon gobbles him up, you can just get another squire."

"Dragon?" James asked, then slowly raised his eyes upward until he spotted the circling beasts.  "Master, there are two dragons circling the castle!"

"Oh pixy poop!  I forgot to change the flags," Timicus suddenly exclaimed.  "Blast, was it my left pinky, or my right?"

As Timicus poofed a half dozen foreign objects to and from the castle looking for the right snap combination, James said, "Master, the dragons aren't acting like dragons."

"What?" Eric exclaimed.

"Dragons don't like to fly when they don't have to.  They should be swooping down testing the castles defenses, or at least gobbling up all these dead men."

"And I forgot about the men," Timicus exclaimed.  "Aclaimous kalarato home-us!"

The field of sleeping men became a field of pink smoke.

"Now, where was I?" Timicus asked.

Eric glanced up at the castle, then chuckled and shook his head.

"What?" Timicus groaned.

"Red flags mean plague.  Green flags mean dragon."

"I'm sorry, but I don't have a spell for green flags," Timicus said with frustration.  "Red will just have to do... Hmmm...  Unless...  I could make everyone color blind for a day.  Then they couldn't tell the difference between red and green."

"Red is fine," Eric assured him.  "No one will approach the castle either way."

"Master, I don't think they are dragons at all," James commented.

"And how do you know so much about dragons, Squire?" Timicus demanded.

"My father is the Lord of Saint Greggor, sire.  Not a day goes by without a dragon swooping down from the Clara Mountains for a meal."

"Perhaps your choice of a squire was not such a bad one after all, my brother," Timicus said honestly.

After Timicus poofed the inkwell and feather to him again, he said, "Very well, I Timicus, Master of the elements, court sorcerer of the great Queen Suzanne Aster, yada yada yada, officially proclaim these two soldiers of the Queen's army dragon slayers, otherwise known as 'Ye slayers of dragons,' patent pending, yada yada yada, till death of all dragons, or the slayers themselves.  And now I sign.  Drop your drawers, boys."

"Excuse me?" Eric asked.

"I said drop your drawers.  I have to sign your left butt cheeks."

When Eric didn't move, Timicus said, "Seriously."

"You want to sign our asses."

"I know, I know, it's a little bizarre, but your ass is the whitest piece of flesh on your body, and this ink just doesn't show up well on tanned skin."

"Is this really necessary?"

"Look at it this way, my brother.  If anyone ever asks you for your authorization to kill a dragon, all you have to do is... well, show it to them." Eric lowered his drawers, Timicus bent over and scribbled his name, and then Timicus stood up and turned towards James.

"Won't it just wash off?" James asked, his face flushing as he lowered his pants as well.

"This ink is made from the feces of flying elephants.  It will never wash off."

"Flying elephants?"

"He is joking, Squire," Eric said while pulling his trousers up carefully.

"I am certainly not joking.  Boy, you need a bigger ass."

"Master, what does feces mean?"

"You don't want to know," Eric replied as Timicus dotted his i's, making the boy yip.

"There we are," Timicus said, standing up and putting the feather back in its inkwell.  "Now that the legalities are taken care of, let's get down to business.

"The boy is right," Timicus said, giving James a wink.  "Those are not real live dragons, but for both your sakes, no one else must ever learn of it or your credibility will be ruined for the rest of your lives."

"Then what are they?" Eric asked.

"Dead ones actually," Timicus said as he poofed his inkwell and feather away.

"Ghosts master?" James asked with apprehension.

"Ghosts do not have physical bodies, boy," Timicus scolded.  "Wouldn't be much of a show would it?  Try to stab the bloody things and you just falright through them.  Think before you speak, boy.  That's a good lad."

"So they're puppets," Eric concluded.  "And you're pulling their strings."

"You are getting the picture now, my brother," Timicus said approvingly.  "I could not risk the Queen's safety by bringing two real live dragons here, but it isn't quite as simple as that, I'm afraid."

"No, of course not," Eric sighed.

"I didn't lie when I said I wasn't a dragonologist.  In order to make the fight believable, they will have to fight like real dragons.  Therefore their strings will be cut for the actual fight.  But fear not, lads.  You'll get the hang of it."

Timicus poofed a set of brown cloth suits beside them, their shapes resembling suits of armor, just without any metal.

"These will help protect you from their fire, but you probably won't want to wear them until you have to.  They're awfully itchy."

Two more poofs revealed a pair of shields and long pikes with silver tips.  The shields were insulated with the same material as the suits, while the pikes were coated with a shiny waxy substance.

Another set of poofs brought an assortment of other items such as nets, throwing axes, a couple of very long long-swords, and a cushioned chair which Timicus immediately sat down in.

"Ready?" Timicus asked once Eric had looked through the equipment and was swinging one of the long swords to get a feel for it.

"You must be joking," Eric said.  "I am supposed to fight two dragons without any instruction or practice?"

"Practice?  What a marvelous idea!" Timicus exclaimed before clapping to make everything go <poof>.

As the pink smoke thinned around him, Eric found they were standing in a small desolate valley surrounded by dark menacing mountains.

After noticing a cliff face that resembled a human skull, James exclaimed worriedly, "Grimm's valley," and quickly moved to stand in his master's shadow.

"Come again?" Eric said, not finding the name familiar.

"Master, Grimm's valley is where the dragons come to... copulate."  

"Timicus..." Eric said warningly.

"The boy is correct, but what he doesn't know is they only copulate when the females are in heat, and that won't be for another moon.  Or so our queen's current champion claims, and I don't have any reason to doubt his word in this matter."

"So what now?" Eric said grouchily.  "You call one of your pets and we dance around until it kills one of us?"

"Pretty much the idea, yes," Timicus said as he pulled two medallions hanging on chains out of his robes.  "Most dragon slayers train for a decade before attempting to take on a real dragon, and then they only have a twenty percent chance of surviving it.  

"Seeing that we don't have a decade, and we certainly want better odds than four to one against, I made these," Timicus continued as he started to raise one of the medallions' chains over Eric's head, but then paused and asked, "Do you need to potty?"

"What?  No, not really."

"Urinate?"

"No."

"Hungry then?" Timicus began, retracting the medallion's chain from above Eric's head.  "Thirsty?  Have a cramp in you leg?  Need to blow your nose, scratch your ass, or anything else you need to physically do before we start?"

"No, why?"

"Well, once I put this on you, the medallion will memorize your body.  Every detail will be stored, from the clothes on your back, the sweat on your skin, the position of your feet, the food in your belly, and of course the shit in your ass.

"And yes, I am quite sure you will both die in the next few minutes, very noisily and probably making a very bloody mess.  But after your heart has missed one thousand beats, which is approximately fifteen minutes, your body will instantly be reassembled right where you're standing, exactly the way you are now with only one exception.  You will remember everything you did."

"Cool," James exclaimed.

"You may think so now, but after you've died once or twice I think you will agree it isn't a game."

"How many times can we die?" Eric asked.

"There is no limit," Timicus said as he crouched down to the ground.  "However, there are other limitations.  The medallions remember the exact place you put them on the very first time, and will only work if you are within sound's reach from that spot.

"This is the valley," he said as he drew a large and rough oval in the dusty dead earth.  He then pressed a shiny rounded pinkish flat pebble into the dirt in the very center and said, "And we are here."

After a double snap, a roll of dark red twine poofed into his hand.  He cut two arm lengths off and tied it into a loop, then poofed the roll away and kneeled over his map.

Carefully positioning the twine inside his drawing of the valley, he created a rounded rectangle within the oval while saying, "If you go outside the twine, the medallions will deactivate.  You would have to return to the center to reactivate them, which will cause them to memorize your body again.  While they are active, the medallions infuse themselves into your chest to prevent accidentally falling off, but this also means you can not remove the medallions unless you deactivate them first."

Timicus at that point pulled a small leather bag out of his robes and began sprinkling the grey powder contained within it over the pebble and the twine while mumbling a short chant repeatedly.

Once he finished sprinkling the twine, he tore off two strips of cloth off his robe, dipped them in bucket of water he poofed in, then handed Eric and James one each saying, "Put these over your nose and mouth and get ready to close your eyes.  It's about to get very windy."

Eric couldn't help but smile watching James tie his cloth behind his head with his eyes closed.  He was just about to tell James to open his eyes when Timicus took a deep breath and started to blow on the pebble at the center of the map.

Winds like Eric had never experienced before descended from the clear sky, blowing the loose dirt surrounding them into the air, his vision instantly reduced to where he couldn't even see his squire standing five feet in front of him.

Dirt pelted his clothes and skin as the cloth covering his nose began clogging with dirt, and as the wind shifted its direction and he adjusted his weight to stay upright, he was startled to find the very ground beneath his feet crumbling and blowing away.

Then as suddenly as they had come, the winds died, and after Eric blew enough of the caked dirt from the cloth over his mouth to breathe, he cracked his eyes and found the air practically clear.

James was on his knees and looking around through his fingers when Eric suddenly noticed the ground around him was not only shiny, but hard and pink just like the stone Timicus had pressed into the earth.

Eric removed the cloth from around his face as he watched the front edge of a large cloud of dirt and dust travel across the valley in the distance, certain it was traveling the exact path Timicus had made with the twine.

"Master, where is Master Timicus?" James asked from beside him.

"I don't know, squire," Eric said with awe.  "Up in the sky somewhere, I suppose."

"Do you think he sees the dragons?"

Eric's eyes shot up and instantly found four of the beasts flying at the far edge of the valley.

"They don't seem to be coming this way," Eric analyzed.  "They probably don't even know we're here."

"Master, dragons can see a sparrow a mile away.  They know we are here.  They must be planning something."

"I see I've stirred up more than just dust," Timicus said, startling them both when he poofed in right behind them.

"Master, there are six more over there," James said, pointing southwest.

"And another five over there," Eric said pointing southward.  As more began popping up all around the valley, he turned to Timicus and said, "I don't believe there is much to learn from a slaughter."

"I suppose we can come back later," Timicus admitted after counting up to thirty and losing track.  "A week should do it, so that would be... help me here.  72 beats per minute times 60 minutes is.... 4320 beats an hour...  24 times 43..."

"2580" Eric announced.  "Hurry up, they're coming fast."

"25 times 7..."

"175!" Eric exclaimed as fire began to bellow out from dozens of approaching mouths.

Eric leapt for one of the long swords as he yelled to James to grab a shield.

"Oh that's right," Timicus exclaimed.  "I already figured this out.  Four snaps of my third finger on my left hand and..."

<poof>

The nearly full moon high in the sky cast an eerie glow to the rising pink smoke around Eric.

"Well that's not right," Timicus exclaimed with frustration.

"Master, shh!" James whispered desperately.  "Dragons."

Timicus and Eric froze as they took in the landscape around them and saw it was filled with the still forms of countless dragons scattered throughout the valley.

Timicus was about to snap his fingers to poof them away again when a second Timicus poofed in.

"Ah, there you are at last," the second Timicus, who appeared to be a good twenty years older than the original, said with a smile.

"Good lord!" the original Timicus exclaimed.  "What on Earth are you doing here?  And what the devil did you do to my hair?"

"Masters...  shhhhhh!" James repeated urgently.

"Don't worry, lad," the middle aged Timicus said smiling broadly as he patted his freshly trimmed short hair.  "These dragons..."

A third Timicus, this one looking much older and completely bald, poofed in and said in chorus with the second, "Are all dead."

"Dead?" Eric and the bald Timicus echoed as the bald Timicus sat down on a dead dragon's midsection with a bored expression.

"My HAIR!" the original Timicus exclaimed as the bald said it in a monotone voice.

The bald Timicus then points his finger at James and mumbled "The boy says all of them".

"All of them?" James asked.

A fourth Timicus, who appeared to be only a few years older that the original, poofed in with an enthusiastic smile and a crew cut.

"I apologize for being late," the enthusiastic and the bald Timicus's said.  "Laws of time, you know."

The bald Timicus points to Eric.

"How many of you are there?" Eric asked with the bald Timicus's monotone accompaniment.

"What is this all about?!" the original Timicus exclaimed with the bald Timicus's bored support.

Both the middle aged and the younger future Timicuses sigh, then along with the eldest Timicus said, "Laws of time."

"We are here because we were here when you are here the first time," both the enthusiastic and the bald Timicuses said.

"But why did you all cut my hair?" the original Timicus asked painfully with the bald Timicus's accompaniment.  Then the original Timicus shouted at the bald one, "Will you please stop that!"

"Don't mind him," the bald Timicus said in his bored monotone voice. "He's just proving a point."

As the bald Timicus looked up, apparently startled by the fact he had been the only one to speak, another enthusiastic Timicus poofed in and said, "I apologize for being late.  Laws of...  No?"

"One more," the first enthusiastic Timicus and the bald Timicus said.

"Sorry," the second enthusiastic Timicus said as the bald Timicus echoed him with a yawn.

<poof>

"Hair?" the original Timicus reminded everyone.

"Echem", the middle aged Timicus said as the bald Timicus snapped his fingers at the enthusiastic one, surprisingly without causing any poofs.

"Oh sorry.  I'm still new to this, you know," the enthusiastic Timicus said.  "Now don't tell me...  Ah yes.  Laws of time.  Yes, that was it."

"Laws of Time?  You all cut my long beautiful hair because of bloody the laws of time?"

"Not me," the bald Timicus said with only the slightest interest.  "Mine fell out."

"Oh, that's just lovely," the original Timicus moaned.  "Thank you so much for sharing that!  I have so much to look forward too now!"

"How did these dragons die?" Eric asked, ignoring the bald Timicus's echoing of his words like the rest were.

"Yes, let's discuss that, shall we?" the original Timicus said with a touch of contempt.

"You and the squire killed them," the middle aged Timicus said.

"It was friendly contest between you two," the enthusiastic continued enthusiastically.  "Very entertaining."

"Yes, yes.  The Queen still talks about it even in my day," the bald Timicus added.

"Really?  Who won?" the original Timicus asked.

"It wouldn't be much of a contest if they find out now, would it?" all three of the future Timicuses said, then the younger and middle aged Timicuses looked at each other and both said, "Pardon me."

Another enthusiastic Timicus poofed in momentarily, then poofed away again.

"Is this where I get to explain?" the enthusiastic Timicus asked.

"Well you might as well now," the middle aged Timicus sighed.

"You see lads, my youngest self here hasn't quite mastered his time travel spells yet and..."

"Look who's talking," the original Timicus snorted.  "Popping back through time looking for us.  It's very unprofessional."

"Well if you actually knew what time it was when you arrived here, then I wouldn't have had to pop back every minute or two to find you."

"Timicuses, please," Eric cried.  "Stop arguing with yourselves and just explain."

"When I brought you here the first time," the youngest future Timicus began with enthusiasm, "I had taken you into the past by four months believing I had only taken you back one.  Then when I skipped us ahead to escape the dragons, we only skipped two and a half days, not...  What was it?"

"A week," the middle aged Timicus said.

"Yes, a week.  Thank you."

"I still don't und..." Eric began, but was cut off by another youngest future Timicus poofing in.

"Excuse me," the newly arrived Timicus interrupted.  "But does anyone know how many more I have to go?"

"Two or three more," Eric moaned.

"Thank you," the new Timicus sang, which was followed by a <poof>.

"The plan was," the remaining youngest future Timicus continued, "to take you back a month and let you train yourselves as much as you needed before returning you to the present to fight the two dragons at the castle.  Spectacular job you do too, I might add.  Your squire here even accidentally discovers a new weakness in a dragon's armor that no one had ever considered before."

"I do?" James exclaimed.

"So much for the laws of time," the original Timicus grumbled as the youngest future Timicus smiled and nodded his head for the boy.

"So then we kill all these dragons afterwards?" Eric asked as another youngest future Timicus poofed in and out again.

"All I can say is that sometime in your future you will decide to go back to the moment immediately after which you had escaped the incoming dragons.  The results of which are all around us for you to see."

"So my plan works rather marvelously," the original Timicus said with pride.

"Yes, quite marvelously," all three of the future Timicuses said in agreement.

Just then, a poof of dark blue smoke revealed a boy around nine who immediately walked up to the original Timicus and whined, "Dad...  Jeffrey blew up my dragon."

A light green poof brought an older boy around fifteen who immediately said, "Dad, it was an accident.  He wanted me to make it breathe blue fire and...  Whoa.  What's with the hair?"

"Boys," the middle aged Timicus said patiently, "Didn't I tell you not to follow me?"

"I was following Roland, dad," the older boy said without concern for all the duplicates of his father. "He's the one who followed you here."

"But Daddy..." the little one whined.

"Jeffery, take your little brother out over there and help him find a new one.  I'll be done here shortly."

"Whoa!" the two boys exclaimed after looking where their father was pointing, then raced out into the field, barely avoiding the pink poof of smoke of another Timicus poofing in and out.

"Now you know why all my hair fell out," the bald Timicus snorted.

"So the Queen's descendants will have their sorcerers after all," the original Timicus muttered.

"Master, may I go look too?" James asked, hearing the boys exclaiming loudly in awe at what they were finding.

When Eric looked at him, the boy winked the eye facing away from all of the Timicuses.  After taking a moment to get over his surprise, Eric verbally consented, then winked back when no one but his squire was looking.

"Any hints to who their mother is?" the original Timicus asked.

"Just the most beautiful, the most enchanting, the most," the youngest future Timicus began with distant eyes.

"Sexually exhilarating, the most intellectually stimulating, the most," the middle aged Timicus said with the same distant eyes.

"Manipulative, overbearing, pain in the ass woman you can imagine," the bald Timicus finished.

After he saw the frowns on the other three, the bald Timicus said, "I've been married to her for thirty seven years and had nearly a dozen children with her.  What did you expect me to say?"

The youngest future Timicus sneezed, then said, "Blast it.  I forgot to take my second dose of squirrel kidneys.  I best write that down for next time so I remember to bring myself some."

After the middle aged Timicus handed him a pair of squirrel kidneys, he immediately popped them into his mouth and swallowed.  The youngest future Timicus then pulled out a small leather bound book, a small inkwell with a cork in it, and a feather and proceeded to ink the feather.

"They say your memory is always the first to go," the original Timicus moaned.  "I suppose that's just another thing I have to look forward too."

"Nonsense," the youngest future Timicus snorted.  "My memory only improves as I get older.  This is purely for organizational reasons."

"Organizational reasons?" the original Timicus sneered.  "What a crock of dragon shit."

"Were we truly this naive?" the youngest future Timicus asked his elder selves.

"I'm afraid so," the elder two Timicuses answered.

"Naive?!?" the original Timicus exploded angrily.

"Yes, naive," the youngest future Timicus said, also losing his temper slightly.  "First of all, you attempt to take two others back in time without ever having attempted to take anyone but yourself before, never considering that their presence would have a very important affect on the time travel calculations.

"And now, while my second most elder self's memorizes everything we've said here without the aid of a feather or magic, and witnessing my most elder self's flawless recitation of that memory, you have the impudence to insult yourselves instead of thanking them for their hard work and, most importantly, their valuable time?"

"So listen to us, youngling," the middle aged Timicus said with authority.  "By not having to memorize every little detail, your mind will be less cluttered and your memory more efficient.  As soon as we're done here, you go get yourself a book and start writing everything down that you may need to remember later.  Every spell, every incantation, and write down your time travel calculations.  You'll need every single one of them when you get to be us."

"But start with your snaps," the youngest future Timicus insisted.  "They're so helpful when you're in a hurry."

"And for the kingdom's sake, get a hair cut!" the bald Timicus grumbled before he and the youngest future Timicus both snapped and poofed away.

"How rude," the original Timicus said to the middle aged one.  "They didn't even say goodbye."

The other Timicus shrugged then said, "Wasn't their fault.  Laws of time, you see.  I would have left with them if our boys weren't still here."

"Then I'll say it for all of us," the original Timicus said thoughtfully as he put his hand out to his elder self.  "Good bye.  And thank you."

The other Timicus smiled, then as they shook hands he said, "Goodbye, youngling.  Just remember, our fate is in your hands."

After giving Eric a friendly nod, the other Timicus headed out towards the three boys to see what they were up to.

"It would appear you have some very large shoes to fill, my brother," Eric said gently after a few moments of silence passed.  

"As do you, my brother," Timicus said softly.  "I apologize for rushing you into this.  I tend to forget my manners when I'm working the magics."

"You also forget how well I know you, my brother," Eric said.  "I trusted your intentions and judgment, and I knew you would explain eventually.  I admit that I was concerned you had leaped before you looked as you sometimes do, but I never truly believed you would allow harm to befall on us."

"Eric," Timicus began with a sigh.  "Did you understand my elder self's last words?"

"About their fate being in your hands?"

"Yes."

"I suppose not."

"Time travel is a very risky business," Timicus said in a serious tone. "The laws of time specify that no event is fixed, neither in the past or the future.  By my future selves coming here and telling us these things, they risked creating a separate reality which on their return to their proper time may be vastly different from the reality they had come from.  How close the future they returned to from the one they had left depends on our actions from this moment on.

"My point is, do not believe you are invincible just because you know there are events in the future you must partake in.  You must follow your instincts and force yourself to base all of your judgments on the information you have at the present time, not what you believe to be in the future.  For if you do, even in the slightest way, the future we shall live in will be different than the future which my elder selves had come from, dooming us and them to live out the rest of all our lives within it."

"Then why did they do it if there is so much at risk?"

"Yes, why indeed," Timicus muttered with a frown, then his frown reversed into an expression of enlightenment before exclaiming, "Of course!  I'm such a clever fellow."

Timicus started pacing back and forth excitedly as he muttered to himself how clever he was, then looked up when Eric let out a grunt of impatience and said, "I apologize my brother.  I apparently am a bit naive as I just comprehended what my elder selves were saying."

"And that was?"

"When I asked them what they were doing here, what was their response?"

"They kept blathering on about the laws of time," Eric said.  "I don't see what..."

Eric heard James's sudden cry, and for a moment Eric was deeply concerned when he couldn't locate the boy or the others who had been with him.  But then James stood up after apparently having simply tripped again, and so Eric simply kept his eye on the boy as James made his way back to them.

"Yes, the laws of time," Timicus said while poofing a campfire with a pot of stew cooking above it in front of them.  "But they also said they were there because they were there the first time we were.  Don't you see?  They had to come in order to ensure their version of our future didn't change.  If they had not come, their own pasts would have changed, and the disastrous results would have cascaded into their present."

"So everything you just told me about the laws of time isn't really true," Eric concluded.

"No, no, quite the contrary," Timicus said with almost a panicked tone.  "My brother, you must understand that the future is not fixed, and you must base all of your decisions on the here and now.  The quickest way to destroy one's future is to depend on that future.  That is what my elder self meant by their fate is in our hands."

"So what purpose did their trip back here serve?" Eric exclaimed.

Timicus sighed, then after a moment of thought, he said, "To play their part in our present in order to allow their future to exist.  I know it is very confusing.  I was confused by it myself until just a few minutes ago.  Trust me on this, my brother.  You are very much still in control of your own destiny.  If you believe you can-not lose because of what you learned here, you will surly die.  My future selves could have simply been lying to us about your fate in order to preserve theirs."

"You would do such a thing?" Eric asked.

"I would if I believed the consequences of not doing so would result in something worse than the death of my own brother," Timicus said gently as James finally approached the fire and looked into the pot.  "However, rest assured that I would not continue this plan of ours if I believed it would result in your permanent death, or even the death of your squire."

"I understand, brother," Eric said.  "I shall look upon this night simply for encouragement for what could be, not as what will be."

"I could not have said it better, my brother.  Now if you and your squire could tend the fire and kettle for while, I must pop into town to run a few errands.  When I return, we shall eat and then begin the practice."

<snap> <poof>

"So squire," Eric sighed as he sat down in front of the fire next to James.  "What do you think of all this?"

"I never dreamed of being a dragon slayer, Master.  I don't know how it can be true."

"I myself never dreamt of being a dragon slayer or the Queen's champion, but I must admit I am looking forward to the adventure.  But if you do not feel up to the task, I won't think anything less of you if you would prefer..."

"I don't feel up to it, master.  For I am useless," James whimpered.

Eric put his arm around the boy and gently said, "You are not useless.  I know of no other squire who could have recognized those dragons at the castle as not being real, nor who would have kept their head at the sight of a single dragon, let alone nearly a hundred like you did when we arrived here."

"But I was scared, master."

"As was I and Timicus," Eric assured him.  "An important trait of a knight is to not let his fear rule him, yet also never ignore its message either."

"But I still... I'm so clumsy, master.  I tripped four times walking back here after the others left."

"Believe it or not, squire, I was just as clumsy if not more so when I was your age.  You will grow out of it, just as I did."

After a minute of silence, James wiped the tears from his face and finally looked up at Eric and asked, "Is that why you made me your squire?"

"No, son.  I made you my squire because I could see your true potential as a knight and knew you would serve your Queen and lessly myself as best you knew how.  No one expects you to battle dragons or the Queen's enemies until you are capable of doing so.  Doing battle is my job.  Your job is to learn from me how to be a knight while taking care of my equipment, my horse, and myself.  Do you understand?"

"Yes master," James said with relief.

"So my question to you was whether you feel up to that task knowing what I will be confronted with.  I don't' want to hear you moaning about cleaning dragon guts out of my armor."

"I am, master, and I won't ever complain."

"Good squire.  Now, did you learn anything interesting from Timicus's offspring?"

"Yes, Master.  Jeffery says I have a castle and a wife!"

"I'm glad to hear it, squire.  But did he tell you anything about how we kill the dragons?"

"No Master.  He said it would break the laws of time if he told me that.  But he did tell me who your wife is," James said with sparkling eyes.

"And who would that be, squire?" Eric asked with more than passing interest.

"I can't say, Master.  Laws of Time."

"Not you as well," Eric sighed with frustration.  But then he asked, "Then did you learn anything that would help us kill the dragons?"

"Well, many of the dragons we looked at had their throats cut," James offered.

"Good squire.  What else?"

"We were having trouble finding dragons that still had their eyes."

"So we poke their eyes out and blind them.  Go on."

"There was a lot blood under their tails."

"Our blood or theirs?"

"I'm not sure, master, but I think it was theirs."

"Hmm..."

"One of them was torn into two halves, another was scattered in pieces all over the place, and another we couldn't find anything wrong with it.  That's the one they took with them."

Eric and James chatted about different ideas on how to kill a dragon until Timicus returned about an hour later.

As Timicus began dishing out the stew, he said, "After we eat and take care of any nature's business, we'll pop ahead a few hours and clean up this mess before I bring in your first dragon to slay.  While you're going at it, I'll work on my time travel calculations to get us back to our proper time.  Once you've started getting the hang of it, we'll try popping ahead a couple of days to test my calculations."

"What mess?" Eric asked.

"Why all these dead dragons, of course," Timicus said as he sat down to eat.  "Wouldn't want them stinking up the place while you're practicing, now would you?  We'll have to burn them all.  I just hope they still have some flammable gas in their stomachs."

"So we're not going to use them for practice?"

"I considered that, but I don't have enough dragon eye for that.  It's a pitty they all had their eyes cut out.  But it isn't like there's a shortage of dragons in the kingdom."

After they ate and emptied their bowels and bladders, Timicus had to jump them three times before they finally found the sky lighter by the approaching sunrise.  Timicus had gotten very discouraged by how off his calculations had been, but lightened up while they watched the beautiful sunrise the clear dry air provided.

"If you lads don't mind, could you drag all these carcasses into a single pile for me?" Timicus asked after the three had lost interest in the sun.

"And how are we supposed to do that?" Eric exclaimed.

"Thought you'd never ask," Timicus said with wicked grin before flicking his fingers at Eric and James several times while muttering, "empus katraren expandos."

After growing twenty times their previous size, Eric and James stomped around the valley gathering up the mouse size dragon carcasses and piling them up at the valley's edge down wind from the center.  When they were done, they stepped out of the valley and gathered nearly a hundred dead trees from the surrounding mountains and carried them back to the valley to bash against each other, producing a mountain of splintered firewood.

Two hours after they started, Timicus raised his arms above his head and called forth several bolts of lightening to strike the wood surrounding the pile of dragons, then poofed himself back to the center where Eric and James had just finished shrinking back to their original size.

"This should be quite a good show," Timicus said as he poofed three cushioned chairs to them.  "Ever heard of the tyrant Babcock's funeral celebration?"

"No," both Eric and James said as they sat down.

"Ramos Babcock was this tyrant king who ruled a small kingdom about a hundred and seventy years ago.  After twenty years of living under his rule, the people revolted against him and assassinated his entire family.  They held a large celebration, made this huge bonfire which they placed four freshly killed dragons and the tyrant's body in the middle.  The explosion that resulted killed nearly a third of the people there celebrating, but they said it was quite a show of lights.  For several decades after that, once a year they built a bonfire and placed a single dragon in the center of it to celebrate their freedom and to honor the people who died in obtaining it."

"Why have I never heard of this celebration before?" Eric asked.

"Oh, they got conquered and enslaved by another tyrant thirty or so years later.  They didn't have much to celebrate after that."

"How many people died again?"

"About two hundred, I believe."

"And that was from four dragons?"

"Yes.  And I know what you are thinking, my brother.  But these dragons have been dead for nearly three days now.  What little gas is left in their intestinal track should only make a small fireball, if we even are lucky to get that much.  But if you like, we can activate the medallions now while we wait for the show, just incase something unexpected does happen."

Timicus's eyes were as bright as the morning sun as he had Eric and James stand at the center of the giant pebble and ceremoniously hung the medallions around their necks.  Watching the medallions burn their way through their shirts and infuse themselves into their chests gave Timicus the warm fuzzy that they were working while completely ignoring Eric's and James's cries of pain.

By the time they recovered from that, the first dragon went off, and within minutes the three of them were watching fireball after fireball feeding the ever increasing blaze, every once in a while witnessing a dragon exploding into pieces, sending smoking bits up in the air like rockets.

Once the fireworks were exhausted, Timicus said, "Alright lads, time to get to work.  You best decide what equipment you wish to start off with before I call your first victim."

"Wouldn't it make sense to have Sir Joseph join us?" Eric prompted.  "We could learn a great deal from his experience."

"I'm afraid that isn't possible at the moment," Timicus said rather apologetically.  "Right now Sir Joseph is still sitting in Lord Harris's dungeon waiting for you to rescue him.  I could pop ahead and borrow him from our present, but until I understand the error in my time travel calculations, we would risk bumping into ourselves and altering our own past on the return trip back here.

"You and the squire are simply going to have to work this out on your own.  But look on the bright side boys.  You have four months to get it right before the dragons return to repopulate their ranks.  Oh, I must write that down."

When Timicus pulled out the small leather bound book, the small corked inkwell, and a feather like his older self had done, Eric exclaimed, "And what do the laws of time say about that?"

"Hmm?" Timicus said with a touch of surprise.  "My elder selves told me what I must do, so I did it.  Who am I to question someone as brilliant as myself?"

Eric groaned, then said to James, "Come squire.  We best get our gear on."

"I recommend you don't bother putting on the fire armor until you know you need it.  It is awfully itchy, you know," Timicus reminded them.

"Master, have you ever seen a dragon fight?" James asked as Eric tested the weight of the long sword again.

"I can't say I have, squire.  I trust you have though?"

"Three times, Master.  All three dragons flew away before they could be slain."

"Any recommendations on how not to get killed?  Besides not fighting them in the first place."

"Watch out for their tail, master.  And their claws.  And their fire.  And don't look them in the eyes."

"Why not, squire?"

"It angers them."

"I'll try to remember all that," Eric sighed as he picked up one of the insulated shields and handed it to the boy.  "I want you to stay out of the way and keep watch on what the dragon does.  If I go down, don't try to help me.  I need you to learn from my mistakes and still be alive when I come back so you can tell me what I did wrong.  Is that clear?"

"Yes, master," James said nervously.

"Think of it as a game, son.  We are bound to lose the first few rounds while we learn the rules.  But with your help, we'll figure them out in no time and start kicking some dragon butt around.  Isn't that right, squire?"

"Yes master," James said with a weak grin.

By the time Eric was ready, Timicus had poofed a desk to him and was busily scribbling notes down in his little book.  When Eric approached him to tell him they were ready, he walked straight into an invisible wall.

"Timicus, what is this?" Eric asked as he felt out the slightly curved wall with his hands.

In a muffled voice, Timicus said, "Just a bubble of protection for myself.  Terrible manners, dragons have.  They don't care if you're busy with more important matters than them filling their stomachs.  Good lord, is that all you're going to use?  A sword and a shield?"

"Squire here says its better to stay light on your feet when facing a dragon.  I'll likely plant the shield and dodge behind it when need be."

"I see," Timicus said, sounding unconvinced.  "Well, I suppose we'll find out soon enough if he's right.  I've already called for your first opponent.  She should be arriving shortly.  The nearest one was twenty minutes away by air."

"It will be just one this time, correct?"

"Of course.  Don't worry my brother.  I won't bring more than one at a time until you ask for more than that.  Mind you, there doesn't seem to be any dragons in the local area, so you'll have to let me know in advance."

After five minutes or so, James suddenly stood up and shouted, "Master! Dragon!"

"I see it squire.  Go make yourself scarce now."

Eric walked off the giant pebble and stood patiently watching the creature fly straight for him.  Keeping himself perfectly still, he stared straight at the dragon's distant eyes, never wavering while the monster began screeching and breathing fire angrily.

If you neglected their tail and their very large wings, the dragons which they had burned were no larger than six feet long and stood three or four feet high.  Their tail of course added another five or six feet to their overall length, but it was their wings which made the creatures look so huge, both in the air and on the ground.

Eric learned his first lesson when the dragon plowed right into him without ever slowing down.  You don't play chicken with a dragon because the dragon will always win.

Eric suddenly found himself standing on the giant pebble a few moments after feeling the impact of the dragon's body break nearly every major bone in his body.  After a quick inventory of his condition, he sought out James and quickly realized the squire was no longer in his hiding place and no-where to be seen.

"Thank goodness you're back," Timicus yelled over the dragon's screeching as it attempted to claw its way into Timicus's protective bubble from above.  "It's very difficult to work with all this racket going on."

"Where's the squire?" Eric asked as he dashed towards the equipment rack.

As the dragon turned its attention to Eric, Timicus replied, "Swallowed whole, I'm afraid.  He shouldn't be much longer.  The beast knew exactly where he was hiding, and after he finished you off, it went straight for him."

"Can you take him in there with you when he comes back?" Eric yelled as he dodged the rack of weapons crashing down from the dragon's tail slapping out and hitting it.

"Sorry.  These things only hold one person at a time.  There isn't enough fresh air flowing through it to keep two people alive for more than an hour or so.  Oh do look out for its tail."

"I'm trying!" Eric exclaimed as he dived away from dragon's tail whipping out from behind the beast again, nearly braining himself on a rock that was in his path.

"Master!" Eric heard James cry.

"Squire run for cover!"

"Master!  Get the sword and cut its throat!"

"I'm trying!" Eric exclaimed again just before getting blasted in the face by a fireball.

Eric screamed in agony as he felt his flesh and eyes burn away clear to the bone before the intense heat boiled his brain to the point it could no longer function.

"... fire breathing nincompoop!  I say, go away!" Timicus finished shouting when Eric reassembled again.

Stunned, Eric didn't move or speak until he noticed James's left arm laying a few feet away next to a small puddle of blood.

Jolted back to the situation at hand, Eric quickly scanned for the nearest long sword, then inwardly moaned realizing he had carried both of them off of the pebble during his previous two attempts.  

Seeing that the dragon had yet to notice him, Eric decided he would try and wait for the squire to return, then attempt to distract the beast while he had the boy collect the swords and bring them back to the pebble for next time.

Eric didn't' have to wait long before James's left arm suddenly twitched, then it and the blood around it sparkled into nothing as James sparkled back into existence beside him.

James closed his eyes as a violent shudder passed through him, but then wisely didn't say anything when he opened his eyes and saw Eric standing next to him.

Eric carefully raised his finger to his lips, then without making any sudden movements he indicated to James his plan.  After James appeared to understand his task, James attempted show Eric something about cutting the dragon's neck, but Eric shook his head, then mouthed the words, "Tell me next time."

James made an unpleasant face when he realized they would both die again, but then nodded and indicated he was ready.

"Go," Eric whispered, then the pair of them took off towards the overturned weapons rack.

While James kept going past the rack, Eric grabbed one of the pikes and turned to face the dragon, only to find the dragon still occupied with trying to dig her way under Timicus's protective bubble.

So Eric took cover behind the equipment and alternated between watching the dragon burrowing into the ground and his squire dashing from rock to rock on his way to the farthest sword.

Eric held his breath when James reached the sword and accidentally dropped it with a muffled clang, but the dragon never heard it simply from all the noise it was making as it dug.

James was about halfway back to the pebble when he tripped and fell, emitting a cry of pain the dragon heard that time.  It snapped its head around and scanned the terrain carefully as it smelt the air with its red snake-like tongue.

When it seemed to be focusing its senses in the direction where James was laying as still as a rock, Eric jumped to his feet and ran in the opposite direction.

Hearing the dragon's screech was the only acknowledgement he needed to know his diversion was working, but then decided it wasn't all that great of a plan when he heard the sound of the dragon's wings beating against the air above him.

The dragon gracefully landed in front of him as Eric skidded to a stop with a cuss, but then after a moment passed and the dragon hadn't made an aggressive move towards him, Eric stood there befuddled by the dragon's calculating stare into his eyes.

Eric involuntarily jumped when the beast suddenly screeched at him, but remained still as the dragon breathed loudly through its nostrils, apparently trying to decide whether Eric was really the same creature it had killed twice before.

Realizing he was still clutching the pike in his hand, Eric waited patiently for the dragon to make its move.  He nearly dropped his guard, however, when the dragon suddenly turned away like it was about to leave, but caught the sight of its tail whipping towards him and managed to duck beneath it and ram the pike into the beast's side.

The pike only scraped across the dragon's scales, and the last thing Eric saw was the dragon's mouth and tongue as it closed around his head and its teeth pierced his upper chest.

"Shit," Eric cussed softly when he found himself standing in the center of the pebble again.

"Good boy, squire," he said a few seconds later under his breath when he saw both long swords laying just a couple of feet away.

The dragon was tormenting Timicus again who was doing his best to ignore the creature's screeches and its attempts to dig under the protective bubble around him.  When he didn't see any sign of the boy, Eric decided James must have been swallowed whole again.

Hoping James hadn't been eaten very long after Eric had, Eric waited quietly for him to reappear.  After waiting ten minutes, however, Eric was starting to worry, but then suddenly the dragon noticed him and charged.

So Eric leapt towards the swords, grabbed one and turned, neatly swiping the blade across the dragon's neck, its sharp metal sparking as it scraped along the dragon's scales moments before the monster's mouth bit the arm grasping the sword into three.

The next thing Eric knew, he was lying on the ground grasping the bleeding stump of his right arm while the creature crushed his left foot with its own.

"Fucker," Eric managed to groan after the dragon finished and screeched in his face.

Then it turned and left him there to die.

"Fucking motherless WHORE!" he spat.  "FINISH ME!"

It completely ignored him and went back to digging.

Eric was in a daze of pain and shock when he felt a hand touch his left hand.  He opened his eyes and managed to recognize James through his unfocused eyes and croaked, "Squire.  Finish me."

"Master?"

Eric closed his eyes and muttered, "Kill me, squire.  I'm in agony."

Eric was about to repeat himself when he felt the long sword enter through his stomach and travel up into his chest, the relief of death slowly washing over him.

He sighed his relief a moment later, then nearly fell over when the boy flung himself onto Eric to hug crying "Master!"

"I thought I killed you forever," the boy wept.

"Now why on earth would you think that?"

"You took so long to come back, master.  Hours, master.  Master Timicus was so worried he froze the dragon and came out to see what happened."

"Well, I'm back now, squire," Eric said gently, returning the boy's hug.  "And you did good work out there."

"But I fell," he said guiltily.

"And then didn't move, just the way you should have.  And you got both swords before you died."

"I didn't die, master.  The dragon just didn't seem to care about me any more."

"The fool probably thought she had had enough to eat already," Timicus said gently as he walked up to them.  "She probably didn't see the boy as a threat where she did you and I.  I don't mind telling you that I'm very pleased to see you, my brother.  You gave us both a pretty bad scare."

"Any ideas why it took so long for me to return this time?" Eric asked.

"Yes, I think so.  My time estimates were based off the average of the number beats an average adult heart makes per minute.  Obviously if you are excited or, in your cases, fighting for your life, your heart would beat faster than that.  In this instance, however, it was just the opposite.  Your heart was beating very slowly just before the squire put you out of your misery, probably due to the amount of blood you had lost.  Therefore it took considerably longer for your heart to miss one thousand beats than the previous times."

"Then nothing went wrong."

"Apparently not.  The medallions worked as designed.  However, this has also shed some light on what I was doing wrong with my time travel calculations.  But I won't bore you with the details.  I'm sure you want to get right back to work."

Eric groaned, then nodded.

"Master, don't you want to know what I learned?" James asked.

"Just a moment, brother," Eric said, before saying to James, "Yes, squire.  Tell me what you have learned."

"Their scales, master.  You can't cut through their scales."

"I already know that squire," Eric groaned with frustration.

"But master," James insisted.  "Before the dragon <shudder> swallowed me the first time, Master Timicus tried to call it away from me.  When it turned its head to look behind itself, its scales moved apart to where I could see skin on the side of its neck."

"Squire!" Eric exclaimed.  "That is positively brilliant!"

"Really master?"

"Son, if what you say is true, we just learned our winning move."

Naturally, nothing is as easy as it would first appear to be.  Once Timicus returned to his bubble and James had taken position behind some rocks, Timicus unfroze the beast and watched as Eric taunted it, attempted to trick it, then promptly got his head bit off.

After a couple of hours of unsuccessfully trying to get it to look away, Eric finally conceded to the idea of letting James distract the monster by charging at it with one of the pikes.

Eric watched in horror as he witnessed the boy's death for the first time.  The dragon chomped his right arm and shoulder off, then grabbed the boy in the middle and shook him like a rag doll before tossing him up in the air and swallowing the rest of him whole.  

In anger, Eric savagely attacked the creature, and even managed to run his blade through the dragon's left front foot before it roasted him for his trouble.

When Eric reassembled after that death, he was momentarily alarmed by finding James was still dead.  But then James sparked back into existence right beside him, and after the boy shuddered again, he looked up at Eric, shrugged and grinned.

"You're not starting to find this a little fun, are you squire?" Eric yelled as they dashed off in opposite directions.

"Not yet, master!  But almost!"

This time Eric attacked the dragon first, keeping the creature's attention on him until James rammed the pike into dragon's left hip.  The pike's tip actually managed to work its way under one of the dragon's scales and burrowed its way into the dragon's meat.

The moment the dragon screamed in pain and turned its head to see what had caused it, Eric saw the scales along the creature's neck separate and with a quick downward slice he drew blood.

It was not a fatal blow, however.  The dragon immediately swung its head around, belching fire as it extended its wings to take off.

Eric somehow managed to duck out of the way of the fire and even managed to roll back onto his feet before lunging straight at the monster just as it opened its mouth to belch out another fireball.

To the surprise of both Eric and the dragon's, there was only a small flash of flame, then as the dragon began pounding its wings, it opened its mouth to screech its goodbye.

You can imagine its surprise when Eric's sword rammed straight into its open mouth, spearing right through the back of its mouth and into that extremely tender spot generally known as the brain.

As the beast shuddered and collapsed, Eric managed to withdraw his hand before its mouth snapped shut from its impact with the earth.  Eric lay on the ground for several long moments, half expecting the dragon to suddenly get back up and lunge at him again, but after the last ounce of air left the creatures lungs, Eric knew it was over.  He had slain his first dragon.

"Well, one down, twelve thousand three hundred thirty four more to go," Timicus said from his bubble.

"Squire?  You alright?"

"I'm afraid the boy didn't survive this time," Timicus said.  "The creature accidentally stepped on him and crushed the poor boy's chest.  You best gather your weapons and prepare for the next one.  It'll be here in less than a half hour."

"What is the rush, my brother?" Eric complained.  "I have just killed my first dragon.  Surely we can take a break and celebrate."

"We shall celebrate when you have killed more dragons than the number of times the dragons have killed you and the squire," Timicus said sternly.  "We are not here for pleasure but for you to learn."

"Well, then how long until the squire is back?" Eric asked crossly.

"He'll be back before then," Timicus said with a sigh. "I apologize, my brother.  It has not been an easy day for me either.  Quite stressful in fact.  Watching the pair of you die in such terrible ways..."

"Then let us take a break after this next dragon," Eric suggested.

"No, my brother," Timicus said patiently.  "Even though it seems like four months is a long time, we must use every minute of our time to hone your skills to perfection.  Once you leave this valley, you will be fighting these beasts without the safety of the medallions.  We shall break when night falls, and not a moment before."

"Very well," Eric said with displeasure.  "But if I die again because I am overtired..."

"You will be reassembled renewed and refreshed fifteen minutes later."

Eric later admitted to himself Timicus was right about how they needed a lot more practice.  They killed two more dragons that day, but only after Eric got killed five times and James eight.

Once it got dark, Timicus made the fourth dragon fall asleep, then sent the squire to fetch some of the fire wood left over from the bonfire which was still glowing at the other end of the valley.

"The boy's courage is quite remarkable, my brother," Timicus said once James was out of ear shot.  "I must say I believe he's going to be quite a knight some day."

"Indeed," Eric said, watching the boy stumble again.

"He strongly resembles his master at that age," Timicus said gently.  "I can see why you chose him."

"Yes, but I don't remember being so talkative."

"You don't recall your father telling you to hush at the table every night?"

"Ah, but those were exciting times, were they not?" Eric said, trying to avoid answering the question.

"Indeed, my brother.  Quite exciting," Timicus said as he stepped up behind Eric and wrapped his arms around him lovingly.  "The Queen still finds it amusing I first used my magic to teleport you and me every night just so we could fornicate."

"The Queen is a remarkable woman, is she not?"

"Indeed."

"The first woman either of us made love with."

"And I couldn't imagine it any other way, could you brother?"

"Nay.  The Queen rightfully rules us with her heart and by our hearts.  I would not be the man I am if she had not been my first."

"Do you ever miss the old days Eric?"

"You mean when you and I were lovers?"

"Yes."

"At times I do.  But my life is my Queen's.  Her will comes before mine, so I spread her will and her love the only way I can."

"Spoken like a true knight of the Queen's army," Timicus sighed.  "Her love is more powerful than any magic I know, and I am her willing servant because of it.  But I too sometimes miss the days when it was just the two of us."

"Come now, my brother.  You of all people...  Do not tell me the Queen does not arouse your manhood any longer."

"Nay, my brother.  It is not that."

"And what of Sir Conner?  Have you not shared in each others love as well?"

"We have indeed."

"Then what talk is this?"

"I simply wished to express that my feelings for my brother have not diminished over the years.  I still sense a hole in my heart which I had given to you.  Do you not feel something like wise?"

"Yes, I do.  But in all honestly my brother, dwelling on such things will only make our task here harder.  We should focus on the present and let the past stay in the past.  Neither of us have the strength to break our love to the Queen, even if it would mean we would be free to love others once more.  You shall always be more than just my brother.  But considering what the Queen's love provides us in return for ours to her, the memories of our past are all we can hope to have for each other."

"Indeed, my lover.  Indeed."

"Timicus, do you think the Queen would find it in her heart to give my squire her love when we return?"

"I imagine she'd do it if we requested it, but I'm sure she'd rather wait until he's a bit older and can provide her more physical pleasure than he could now."

"If I am to be the Queen's Champion, we may not be back for many years."

"True, my brother.  Then I agree it would be best if the Queen shared her love with him before you leave the castle to carry out your duties as her Champion.  I shall suggest it to her when the time is right."

"Thank you, my brother.  It will mean a lot to him, and to me."

Over the next week, James and Eric practiced and refined their technique of distract and slash, and while they were successfully reducing the time which they took to kill a dragon, they never succeeded without one or both of them getting killed in the process.

So Timicus decided they needed to switch roles to get a better feel for the other's task.  That was a disaster, mainly from James having not gained enough physical strength to cut the dragon's throat with the long sword due to the sword's weight.

After spending three days on the same dragon, Timicus finally let them return to their previous roles, then was beside himself with self pride when they managed not only to kill that dragon without dieing, but the next two as well.

By the end of the week, Eric and James were getting pretty tired of repeating the same thing over and over again, and after killing twelve dragons in one day and neither of them dieing, Timicus announced they would leave the valley and celebrate their achievement in the nearest town.

The medallions deactivated the moment they poofed into town, but their plans for celebration were immediately postponed when both Eric and James collapsed from exhaustion.

They slept for two solid days before awaking with the appetite of a pregnant ogre, and after gorging themselves and enjoying a warm bath, they were shocked to learn a celebration would held in their honor that evening.

They were considered heroes, for Timicus had let it be known that they had killed the dragons which had been plaguing their village since anyone could remember.  Of course he didn't mention the fact that they hadn't personally done it yet, but Timicus didn't see why that would matter.  The dragons were dead, and they would be responsible for it, eventually.

Eric spread the Queen's love quite a lot the next two nights while they were there.  Timicus kept James out of trouble while each night Eric went to bed with three women, then awoke with three different women waiting and raring to go.

By the time they poofed back to the valley, all three of them had gained a few pounds and were not really looking forward to getting back to work.

But work they did.  Eric had the foresight of making sure they both had long swords, a shield, and their pikes on their bodies before putting their medallions on so they would always be reassembled with their weapons after they died.

Eric and James spent two days brushing up on their routine before finally requesting Timicus to call two dragons at the same time.  Timicus jumped them into the future a few hours a couple of times to test some of his new calculations before calling the first pair of dragons to the valley.

They spent three weeks before managing to kill both dragons without dieing.  During those weeks, Eric and James deactivated their medallion a few hours before nightfall and worked out together in hopes of building James's muscles up while also eliminating the exhaustion that had built up last time.  

After enduring two weeks of listening to James whine every night about how tired he was and how sore his arms and legs were in the morning, Eric had James lift a rock that he hadn't been able to lift the day they had started their nightly workouts.  That effectively shut the boy up.

On the first day of the second month, they added a third dragon to the mix.  This complicated matters considerably, and after spending two weeks without much improvement, they decided to add a fourth just to see what would happen.  Suffice to say, they didn't try that again.

After another week fighting two dragons at a time and James only dieing twice while Eric only died once, they decided they were as ready as they were ever going to be.

Eric and James both felt rather odd after poofing back to the castle only moments after they had left it.  Especially when they realized they were actually looking forward to killing the dragons while an audience watched.  When they had left, they would have been scared out of their minds at the very thought, with or without anyone watching.

Things didn't go as smoothly as they expected, however.  After dancing with the two dragons for twenty minutes, they finally had one of them isolated enough to slay the other one without fear of the second one attacking while they did so.  But as they moved into position to kill the second dragon, James stumbled over the other one's tail just as Eric was starting his final lunge and went in for the kill.

Instead of the dragon turning its head when it was supposed to, Eric found himself looking it straight in the eyes as his sword bounced off the dragon's scales.  Eric turned to dive out of the monster's immediate grasp, but the dragon's tail whipped out and knocked his feet from under him before he could.

Eric knew he was doomed as the dragon opened its mouth to announce its victory and to chomp of his head, but the dragon's screech suddenly took on a different tone; one of pain, agony, and alarm.

The moment the dragon turned its head, Eric scrambled to his feet, grabbed his sword, and swung with such force he cut the dragons neck into two.

"Master!"

Squire?"

"I did it!  I found it!"

What's that, squire?" Eric asked as he came round to the dragon's back end.

James pointed at the dragon's tail end, and for a moment Eric thought the beast had defecated (that means pooped).  But then he realized it was the handle of squire's pike he was looking at, and suddenly he understood.

"That's the weakness in their armor?" Eric exclaimed.

"Yes master," James said, laughing.  "For now on master, I'm aiming for their anus!"

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