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The February 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards

The February 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Nominees.

After Lunch by Matti Jackson

Chocolate and Toffee Pussy... by Sven the Elder

Chocolate Covered Cherries by Desdmona

Flash by Meme Misspelt

The Hangover by Bonfils

Heart Ball by Uther Pendragon

I Know What You Did by Katie McN

It Ain't Halloween by Aeralyndal

A Little Bit of Kink By Gina Regetti

Ostriches by Number 6

Wicked Lies by Selena Jardine

The February 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Finalists.

Chocolate and Toffee Pussy... by Sven the Elder

Chocolate Covered Cherries by Desdmona

Flash by Meme Misspelt

Heart Ball by Uther Pendragon

It Ain't Halloween by Aeralyndal

Wicked Lies by Selena Jardine

The February 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Prestation

[Cut to Special Report from La Taverna.]

"This is Carrie Meoff for WSCA News coming to you live from La Taverna, with an exclusive report. Just an hour ago, Gary Jordan, sometime pornographer and Awards Moderator, was carried from this popular watering hole by paramedics to be taken to Central Hospital and Storm Door Company in what appeared to be a chocaholic coma.

"WSCA has interviewed some of the witnesses, and brings you their statements, taped earlier."

[Cut to taped interview 1.]

"Hi. you were sitting near Gary when he collapsed?"

"Yes, I was."

"And you are...?

"Oh. Call me Alexis."

"Please go on, Alexis."

"Certainly. He was sitting at the table, mumbling about not knowing what he was going to do about the presentation, since he originally planned to have it in 'Sunny, balmy, verdant Alaska' - his words - but now Anchorage was suffering severe wind storms and sub-freezing temperatures. Then the serving wench delivered his drink, he took a few sips... well, guzzled a bit, really. Anyway, his eyes rolled back in his head, he moaned loudly, and slumped out of his seat to the floor."

"Do you think the drink was poisoned?"

"I don't know. Perhaps someone else might."

[Cut to next taped interview 2.]

"Could you tell our viewers who you are?

"Well, sure, darlin', but first, you can think of me as your pal."

"I, ah, that's nice. But what I want to know is, did you see anything before Gary collapsed?"

"Oh, sure. The old geezer was chattin' up one o' the redheads when that cutie, Eloise, brung him his special, mixed by Ray over there, behind the bar. Say, darlin', you new in town?"

[Cut to taped interview with Ray at bar.]

"So, Ray, are you the regular bartender?"

"No, I just help out occasionally, like when Dryad asks me to."

"The tall blonde over there said that you mixed the drink Gary was served just before he collapsed. Can you tell us what he ordered?"

"Sure. He ordered a Hot Ghiradeli. Thats a special hot chocolate, with a smidgeon of Bacardi Añejo, topped with whipped cream and a sprinkling of freshly ground nutmeg."

"That sounds delicious! Was there anything else in it that might account for his reaction?"

"Well, um, er, that isn't exactly what he was served..."

"Oh? What was he served?"

"Look, you gotta understand this was all her idea, on account of it was for Gary, and I just went along, okay?"

"Yes, of course. Tell us what was in his drink."

"A Godiva Belgian Dark Chocolate Ice Cream and Kahlua float, sprinkled with Shaved coconut and a squirt of cherry syrup."

"Oh. My. Gawd! That would certainly put me in bed! Say, do you know that blond's number, and whether she likes chocolate?"

[Cut to Carrie, live.]

("I thought I told them to edit that last part out") <cough> "We've just learned that Gary is awake! With him now is WSCA'a own Ginger Thyse. Ginger?"

[Cut to hospital room, with tall redhead holding microphone, sitting on bed next to Gary.]

"Thank you, Carrie. This is Ginger Thyse in bed with... I mean, here with Gary Jordan. Gary, I understand that the doctors have ruled out chocolate-induced coma."

"Yes, Ginger, they have. In fact, I explained what happened myself, after they woke me up. Say, did you know that they consider it normal when examining an unconscious patient to stick their fingers... never mind."

<cough> "Yes, well, can you tell us what did happen?"

"I'd rather not say, exactly. Let me just say that some folks consider it normal for a guy to fall asleep after one of those..."

"Oh?" <long pause> "Oh. OH!" <cough> "And that was caused by the drink?"

"Well, the drink might have been the final straw, but with this whole month, Valentine's Day, the Birthday Festival, and Desdmona's 'Chocolate Covered Cherries' winning the Silver Clitorides Award for best story of the month of February, 2003, I'd had plenty of forepl... um, preparation for what happened.

"Say while I'm on camera, can I say congratulations to Desdmona, and to all the finalists and nominees?

"You just did. That's it from here, Carrie."

[Return to regular broadcasting.]

The February 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Winner:

Chocolate Covered Cherries by Desdmona

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