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"Shake Hands Across Her Back" by Shakespeare_I._Aint (threesome).
Myers: 6
"Shake Hands Across Her Back" by Shakespeare_I._Aint (Shakespeare_I._Aint@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. Writing is hard work, and re-writing is just a bitch. I see an awful lot of stories take a great idea only halfway to fruition, some that begin well and trail off, and others that lose the inspiration of their originally intended plots just as the action should be getting hot. This story needs to decide what it's really trying to say. And with a healthy re-write, it could have a great impact. Synopsis: The title refers to two men that meet for the first time in the midst of an MMF. Get the picture ? The humor and the pinpoint accuracy of the first third (the non-sex part) of this story are quite well thought out. Our hero has a fetish for breaking in new couples to the threesome (mmf) game, and his powers of observation are acute. His taste for the game of sex is disconnected, objectified, and passionless in the same sort of sense as a wine connoisseur that sips but does not gulp. The portrait is intriguing. During roughly the next third of the story, we meet the prospective couple, consisting of an overeager, selfish husband and a reluctant wife. As the escapades begin, the sex is tense, mechanistic, and realistic. The threesome then proceeds to round 2, but the extra helping doesn't go down as smoothly. The original allure of the text, embedded in the author's hyperreal format of storytelling, has begun to break down. For potential emulators of this writing style, perhaps "How Stella Got Her Groove Back", by Terry McMillan, should be required reading. That way, you will get an idea of just how hard it is to sustain that kind of flow for so many pages. Here is where some re-writing just might do this text some good. In some ways I applaud the author for not making this yet another "reluc" story where the wife figures out halfway through the fucking that she's having a good time. The other alternative plot that occurs to me is the stark, less sexy, but compelling possibility of never allowing the wife to become a fully functional partner in the heat of the moment. This makes for a much harder story to write, but a great challenge. Instead, this author seems to unsatisfyingly split the difference right down the middle, and never really deals directly with the wife's transformation, or lack thereof. Rating: 6 |