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"In the Sand: The Saga of Ami and Sasha" by Ami and Sasha (cybersex
becomes real sex) 7, 6, 6
"In the Sand: The Saga of Ami and Sasha" by Ami and Sasha (amiandsasha@my-dejanews.com). This story has potential, but it just isn't there yet. I suspect it was written as a "whipsaw" story - Ami writes something about a fantasy of sex in Hawaii and sends it to Sasha, who adds some more prose and sends it back to Ami, who adds a little more and sends it back to Sasha, etc. Such stories usually mean more to the two authors than they do to anyone else, and this one seems to fit that pattern. Collaborative authorship offers the opportunity for cross-fertilization and for one author to tell the other what needs to be done to improve the story; but this rarely happens in practice. Instead of making suggestions to improve the most recent installment, the second author tends to "know what she meant" and to go ahead and whip off another installment. The result of two authors working together without revising their work is almost invariably just a little worse than a single author screwing up by herself. The authors need to step back and say, "How does this story look to someone who is not one of us? How do we need to modify it for a more general audience?" Then they should have proofread it. Ratings for "In the Sand" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 |