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"Hot Tub" by Mr. J (exhibitionism) 7, 5, 5
"Hot Tub" by Mr. J (mr_j@my-dejanews.com). The grammar and point-of-view bothered me a little with this story; but as I approached the midpoint, I was beginning to find it interesting. The notion of a woman masturbating in front of a guy across from her in a hot tub while a large number of people frolicked nearby was becoming a real turn-on. Then I find the sentence, "You never could have started again, once you stopped, without my commanding it." Why the hell not? "Oh shit!" says I, "This is one of those sex slavery stories." People who write second-person ("you") stories need to realize that they are radically restricting their audience. Once I was told in this story that "I" had to be a mindless robot fulfilling the whims of my Master, my pussy dried up. I think my problem is that I've done something close to this - roaring orgasm while people milled about, unaware of what was going on. It was a much better story when it happened to me without the domination theme. The thrill was in sharing a secret, not in being a sextoy with essentially no personality. People who are into domination might read this story differently than I did. The specific problem that I see here is that this viewpoint is being foisted onto me when I don't even want it. This would be a good story without the domination theme. Believe me, I know. Ratings for "Hot Tub" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 |