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"Remember the Alamo" by Rob4Play (sexual rendezvous). Myers: 7. {Unarchived}


"Remember the Alamo" by Rob4Play (Rob4Play@aol.com). Guest review by Dave
Myers.
{Unarchived}

When a writer knows how to express his own enthusiasm, it makes up for a lot.

Synopsis: A traveling salesman makes a date with his regular thang on his way
through Texas. She's hot to trot, as usual.

When writing for the "encounter" type of story, the most important thing is
the early hook to make the reader know, understand, and like the characters.
Oh, yeah, and to make them want to wait around until they get fucked. Here,
the author almost gets the right dosage of pre-sex story-building, but still
undershoots by a tad. Still, he's playful and game about the whole thing, and
as I said before, that makes up for a lot. I mean, how many stories feature a
cockprint made on paper and inked in lipstick ?

But there are some improvements that can be made in the general style of the
writing. The writer needs to decide earlier on how far he wants us to
"believe" the story. The level of detail is very inconsistent. I'm left unsure
whether to believe this is a fantasy world filled with people from this world
or a "real" world filled with fantasy people. Now, perhaps that is the point
of the story anyway, but in an encounter so brief, there is no time to get
sucked in, to get into the characters' rhythms. So, the story needs to make up
its mind sooner about how convincing it needs to be.

Rating: 7