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"While My Hubby Slept" by William Will Willie Bill or maybe
by Sybarite (slut wife) 8, 6, 5
"While My Hubby Slept" by William Will Willie Bill (LIBERTYES@prodigy.net) or maybe by Sybarite (sybarite32@hotmail.com). Our narrator fell in love with George while she was watching him take a leak out by his car after he drove her lousy, drunken, unfeeling husband home for the umpteenth time. Once she finds release, she becomes a real slut and offers to tell us more about her adventures. I have a few basic problems with the story. First, the dialog is a bit artificial and Victorian: "We must fuck, baby, or I'll cum right now into your pretty mouth ... oh." Not even English teachers talk like that during sex. The second problem was stated succinctly by a correspondent on a.s.s.d.: "First question: If George is kneeling in front on you licking away, how do you reach his cock without George loosing contact with your pussy? "Second question: Just how long is this George's tongue? He is able to thrust that mighty tongue to the back of your throat. I must have kissed all the men that had short-ass tongues, as never have I had one get that far back. Tongues, remeber, are what we are speaking of here. "Third: Does it hurt for George to have his cock bent down to the floor so sharply? That is the only way I can picture you sucking a 9" cock and resting your cheek against his thigh at the same time. I would like to know if this does hurt; for if it doesn't, I know there have been times I would have dearly loved to have rested my weary head during a suck session.... "Lastly: Having never been that drunk and certainly not having a penis myself, I was wondering is it really possible to fuck a drunk guy that far out of it. Does the cock really still respond no matter the level of alcohol?" Another correspondent, Greybeard, summarized the problem nicely: "...silliness aside: descriptions of lustful acts that make me stop and ask, "Now, how in hell do they do _that_?" tend to derail one's train of thought and bring suspended disbelief crashing to the floor of concrete reality [note to self: work on metaphors]. That is, they destroy whatever lustful mood the author might have intended to engender.... So I request ... that authors who intend to tickle my fancy take care not to joggle my funny bone inadvertently." That's very good advice. The inconsistencies detract from the plot of the story. Ratings for "While My Hubby Slept" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 |