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"Assmaster McStuff and the Clandestine Meeting" by Assmaster
MacStuff (sexual tryst) 6, 7, 7.5
"Assmaster McStuff and the Clandestine Meeting" by Assmaster McStuff (assmastermcstuff@hotmail.com). Guest review by LeAnna. This review only means my opinion, nothing else. This is a short, simple story about two people who meet at a department store, and arrange to get together. He arrives at her house and places various objects inside her, one by one, and asks her to identify them. The voice of the narration makes it a little hard to sift through, and the punctuation is inconsistent -- there are dozens of missing commas. There was also a few capitalization errors. This is where the technical score is low -- I feel that capitalization skills are a necessity, as well as basic punctuation. I know I don't always place my commas in the right place, but sometimes this author just doesn't place them at all. Maybe the author did that on purpose -- rules were meant to be broken, y'know; but it just didn't work for me. This is awkwardly told -- apparently, the narrator is also a psychic. There are many omniscient sentences in this story. "God, his tongue is long she thinks as she leans back into my face." This might be acceptable if this was reminiscence -- afterwards, she could have perhaps told him what she was thinking, and he could be reflecting on that. But the narration is told, blow-by-blow, in a right-in-the-moment style. This story reminds me of train tracks alongside each other, and the narration is a passenger that abruptly, without reason, jumps to the train on the sidelining track -- one thought rarely follows the other. Sometimes, when it appears that the story is non sequitur, it actually isn't, which makes it confusing at bits. This makes the story seem unreal. Sometimes this story isn't distracted, though, and when it isn't, the voice is poetic and the narration is smooth. However, when I'd start to lean back and enjoy the ride, I hit another bump. There are strong points, though, in that same poetic prose that I marveled. This review isn't to say that this is a bad story, though. It has oodles of potential, and some of the prose is certainly nice, especially in some sexual descriptions. Ratings for "The Clandestine Meeting" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 7 LeAnna (appeal to reviewer): 7.5 |