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"Jacuzzi Sex" by D-Man (outdoor jacuzzi sex) 8.5, 7.5, 7
"Jacuzzi Sex" by D-Man (dman@onramp.net). Guest review by jubjub. Story Summary: Sex in an outdoor Jacuzzi. This is an ordinary story with fairly ordinary sex and ordinary characters. In fact, this story has really nothing to make stand out from any other story. One guy joins another guy in an apartment complex pool late at night to drink. One guy gets noisy and is shushed by the middle-aged, female complex manager. The noisy guy leaves and the manager shows up later in a bathing suit. They have sex and the next day the guy finds an invitation to show up at the office. Once there, he gets jumped by the secretary and the manager. Technically, the story was so-so. There were persistent comma errors caused by run-on sentences. The writer would have been better served by varying sentence length more. As it stands now, there is a certain monotony to the story. The characters were little more than stock but were well-drawn as such. The dialog sounded authentic but didn't seem to say much. There was no sex until later in the story. The first part drew good characterization--but the wrong ones. The main focus, at first, seemed to be on the noisy guy. Since he leaves midway through, it seems pointless. This points to some plot problems. It takes awhile for the story to get underway and there seems little punch to its dramatic points. The last scene ruined a perfectly good ending without adding anything. Again, I repeat. An ordinary story with a pedestrian style. Nothing that I could feel excited about. Ratings for "Jacuzzi Sex" Technical: 8.5 Small mistakes. Sentences are too long. Characterization and Plot: 7.5 By the book. Inappropriate characterization Appeal: 7 OK, but not anything to catch my attention |