|
Return To the Celestial Review (This does NOT open a new window) Return To the Index (This does NOT open a new window) Note, to make reading multi-part stories easier, story links (links with dejanews.com or www.qz.to, NOT the review or profile links) will open up a new browser window. When you are done reading the story, or section of the story simply CLOSE the story window. |
|
"Tempest and Tryst" by OscarPaco (wife watching) 8, 7.5, 7
"Tempest and Tryst" by Oscar Paco (OscarPaco@aol.com). Guest review by jubjub. Story Summary: Man tells about his unfaithful wife This is a story that should have been rewritten. It reads like a rough draft for a creative writing assignment. The verbs are largely passive and the sentences are broken up by too many asides. Tightening up the writing and putting more action words in would have improved the flow of the story. There were also a few spelling, homophone and grammar errors. The plot is basic: Guy comes home at noon for a quickie; finds wife already having one. Guy finds himself turned on and decides to keep what he saw to himself. Later tells wife what he saw only to find that she made videos. All this is told without sufficient emotional depth to make the reader care what happens to anybody. Greater emphasis on the inner thoughts of the narrator or a better description of the wife's attitudes is sorely needed. Worse, the story seems to end abruptly and doesn't quite match up with the introduction. It's a nice story for a creative writing class (I would give it a B+) but the sex is underdescribed and flat. Not one of the better stories that I have read. Ratings for "Tryst and Tempest" Technical: 8 Good but a rather boring style Characterization and Plot: 7.5 Decent characters but no emotion. Abrupt ending Appeal: 7 A nice story for a creative writing class |