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"My Girls" by BlueLady (poetic threesome) 8, 10, 10
"My Girls" by BlueLady (bluelady16@aol.com). This is a very hot poem - probably the best of the recent series posted by this author - except that its grammar is seriously flawed. Poetry is supposed to be emotional, and so poets are granted a poetic license, which means that they can say some things that would otherwise be pretty stupid and break some of the rules of grammar with impunity. Therefore, it's sometimes difficult to differentiate between common mistakes and poetic license in stories like this one. Omitting capitalization and punctuation is often a deliberate technique that a poet uses in order to achieve a purpose - such as to convey intensity or to make the reader become more active in the reading process. In fact, e.e. cummings made the absence of capitalization his trademark. However, if an author capitalizes some words and not others and shows no logic for doing so, this "technique" becomes a distraction that detracts from the impact of the poem. Likewise, an author may deliberately misuse words {"lay" for "lie," perhaps} in order to impart an impression of the natural way a character might talk. This is OK, but it has to be done consistently. If it's done inconsistently, this "technique" is another distraction that may detract from the impact of the poem. My general rule is that if an apparent mistake serves no useful purpose, it's an error; and if the mistake distracts from the impact of the poem, then it's a serious error. The author begins the present poem with "laying back" where "lying back" is obviously appropriate. Then we have "each others shirts" and "there hands." Then "he felt their tongue" - shouldn't this be "tongues" or is the author actually trying to wax poetic by suggesting that the two ladies shared a single tongue? I doubt it - but if challenged on an English exam, I certainly would give that rationalization a try. My point here, however, is that these errors are distracting. This same author recently entitled a poem "Masterbation." That's not the way we spell that word. Perhaps it's no big thing misspelling was a distraction when I read the poem. This author borders on genius, but even a genius should use the language more correctly. Without the errors this would be the contender for the best story of the month. Even with the errors, it's still a darned good poem. Ratings for "My Girls" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 |