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"Pool Girl" by Billy Bob (older-younger affair). Gandmar: 9, 10, 10 -
BillyG: 10, 6, 6
"Pool Girl" by Billy Bob (wmrobt@hotmail.com). Guest Review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com). I haven't been keeping up with the new stories on the ASS hierarchy and would have missed this one if Celeste hadn't sent it to me - many, many thanks, C! This is a lovely little story, quite superbly done overall. I've just a few minor gripes. I find that some phrases are repeated too often (even twice in the same paragraph). In a quick reading this may not matter, but if you want to savor the language, it can be a little jarring. Once in a while, there's unusual word usage, too: 'sorta', 'I had to contortion myself' and so on. But there aren't very many typos (I saw only one, 'clevage' for 'cleavage').A much-repeated error is the use of "it's" where it should be "its"; the latter is an abbreviation for "it is", not to be confused with the former, a possessive noun form. Also, the author has a habit of putting his conversational commas outside the closing quotes rather than inside (though he does this with the period). I checked the Chicago Manual of Style and it's (that is, it is) quite clear that the correct form is to be put the comma inside the closing quote. Casuistry, that, mere hair-splitting. And it does nothing whatever to detract from the rhythm and pace of the story. Basically, it's a slim, delicate plot: a suburban executive, married, kids, has an in-ground pool. He strikes up an acquaintance with a 17 year old on the Net, through an Internet Relay Chat service. As it happens, her father maintains pools, and she works for her father's company. She comes in to look at the pool. His family is at home when she first comes in to work on the pool. The next weekend, and this is where part 2 kicks in, he is alone - and they have sex. Just as they finish, his wife and kids return unexpectedly: dramatic twist number one, deftly handled and resolved. This is followed by a subtle shift of focus to his work and conversation with his employer which throws the very identity of his 'pool girl' into some doubt: twist number two, with a sexy, intriguing, tantalizing resolution. The story's got everything: it's funny, it's gentle, it's real, the characters are fully rounded. They come across fully described, physically and sexually, without long rambling discourses about their bodies but with just enough hints and indications to give the reader a full picture. The best erotica does this: it stokes the imagination and lets the reader fill in his own fantasy for the author's, while simultaneously maintaining the natural progression of the story. Somehow, he's even managed to capture the ambiance of suburban America without having to describe it - one sees a small town, quiet, not much happening, lots of greenery, sunlight brittle enough to suggest a place with a generally warmer climate, yet with some variations in weather. The sex in Part 2 is exhilarating, powerfully charged, extremely erotic, a major turn on in itself. The sex in and by the pool is exciting enough. This is followed by an even more erotic session with the pool girl bent over a pinball machine, with the narrator (well- hung and muscular) fucking her from behind. That he is big and she is small only adds to the allure. This is very fine work indeed. The author promises us more depending on the feedback. I hope this review is sufficient encouragement! Ratings for "Pool Girl" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Gandmar (appeal to reviewer): 10 |