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"Thank You" by Emil (sexual gratitude). jubjub: 8, 6.5, 6
"Thank You" by Emil (posted by Kristern). Guest review by jubjub. --- Story Summary: Two woman thank a man for employment This is a bland story. The only saving grace, depending on your taste, is the final third of the story. That's when the dildos get pulled out and things start getting kinky. But the plot is simple enough. A women and her girlfriend want to thank a man for hiring one of them. There are numerous small punctuation errors and a couple of garbled sentences. The main problem was a bland style. I think a lot of authors need to chuck their high school English instructions about a certain writing trick. Sentence fragments. They break the flow of the story and can provide a sharp point to the narrative. This writer could have benefited from their use. As it stands this story is a little too wordy. Sentences lose their punch when the number of commas increase. A few less cliches (thankfully no mention of body part dimensions) could have also helped. There is no characterization in this story. While the author gives a nice physical description of the women at the beginning of the story, none of it finds its way into the main body. There is also no real way to tell the women apart. This story is, of course, pure stroke. But a few more details could have gone a long way. Overall, a passable story. Its high point is a fairly kinky ending (though not that extreme) that appears to have been the writer's target area to begin with. It would have been nice if the writer had also been more attentive to the first parts of the story. Ratings for "Thank You" Technical: 8 Bland style with cliches. Numerous small errors Characterization and Plot: 6.5 Nothing interesting until late in the story Appeal: 6.0 Hot kinky sex at the end saves the story |