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"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (mysterious sex) 10, 10, 10
"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by Mat Twassel This is a nice story. It's long, about 16 pages, and it has a few problems, but it has rewards, too. The story opens with the chieftain's only daughter, twenty year old Fawn of the Moonlight Rising, about to make a rare appearance at a tribal dance. The young woman knows that this night she will pick her soul mate. Actually, a sacred stone she has will make the selection for her. Following the opening paragraph, the story shifts to a more modern day: Bree is about to go camping with her boyfriend of about three weeks, Dave. She's thinking about sleeping with him for the first time on this one-night camping trip, but she's concerned because she's knows she's a noisy lover, and another couple will being sharing the campsite: her friend and protector, Chet, whom she's known since early grade school, and Chet's new girl friend, Natasha, whom Bree has never met. Maybe she and Dave won't make love after all. Riding up to the camp with Dave, Bree comes down with more than a touch of car sickness. Chet, who had arrived earlier, decides to carry Bree off to her tent for some rest, but on the way he stops, Bree in his arms, to introduce her to his new girl friend, Natasha: Bree looked up. Instead of taking her to the tent, Chet had borne her to the small campfire. Bree took a deep breath, wishing she wasn't in Chet's arms for this, and extended her hand. Natasha looked a little nonplused about the introduction and Bree couldn't blame her. She'd be pissed off if Dave had introduced Natasha to her cradled in his arms. Natasha extended her hand and lightly gripped Bree's offered hand. Natasha's hand was cool and soft to the touch, imparting a certain strength. She didn't seem to be as upset as Bree would have been, had the positions been reversed. A strange tingle crossed into Bree's senses, almost like a spark from static electricity, as she released Natasha's fingers. This passage perhaps illustrates some of Crimson Dragon's writing strengths and weaknesses: plenty of information, a casual style, yet slightly less than perfect flow. While serviceable, the prose could be smoother, more polished, with better rhythms or phrasing or (occasionally) word choices, and that makes a difference in a long story. As I got deeper into the story I found myself trying to hurry my reading, trying to get the information without having to deal with the prose. Maybe this won't bother you as much as it bothered me. A few brief (probably unnecessary) shifts in point of view disturbed me, too, but all-in-all this isn't a bad read. If you're looking for scads of scalding sex, however, try something else--though for what it's worth, I think this story would have been more erotic had more of the penultimate scene been left to my imagination. Despite some shortcomings, this story left me with a hint of tears in my eyes. That's pretty high praise. |