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* "April's First" by Uther Pendragon (sexy memories & romance)
10, 10, 10
* "April's First" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). I originally had trouble finding Part 2 to this story; and I eventually went ahead and posted my review of parts 1 and 3. I concluded that there was no Part 2; it was an April Fool's joke. Get it? The title is April's First, and the story was posted on April 1, so.... Anyway, the real action takes place in Part 2, which didn't exist when I posted my original review. The author invited others to submit their versions of Part 2. The only author I know of who accepted this invitation was Plainman, whose "Excluded Middle" did a superb job of integrating Plainman's own style and his Princess story line into the framework set up by Pendragon. {Current note: maybe Plainman would repost his "Excluded Middle" - please?} Now Pendragon has posted his version of the missing Part 2, and the result is another really good story. The story actually describes two very interesting and healthy relationships in the life of a 16-year-old girl: her romantic relationship with her boyfriend and her sibling relationship with her older sister. Both relationships are well developed, and both help make this a sexy story. One of the best things about this story is its attention to minor details. For example, when April agrees to make love to Brian for the first time, he returns to his room that night and fantasizes about the big event. Suddenly he realizes that his room is a mess and that he doesn't want April to see it that way, and so he straightens it up. The author attends to details like this in such a way that they contribute to instead of detracting from the overall focus on the first-time experience between the two young lovers. The story does contain some awkward grammatical structures; but this author always revises, and I have a feeling they'll be gone in future postings of this story. For example, April "...wanted this waiting to end -- if even in pain." Those last four words are awkward; and several instances like this really do disrupt the reader's train of thought. Fewer readers will be distracted (as I was) when Brian's cock peeked discretely at April, but the distinction between discreet and discrete is worth preserving. The story is so good that I (like most other readers) was willing to ignore these minor flaws, but why not write a perfect story? Here's a further note with regard to style. Brian "could tell that she was nervous and that her acceptance was more mental than physical." Is that REALLY what the author meant to say? It seems to me that April's hesitation is largely mental, which is the opposite of what the sentence says. I KNOW what the author means (I think), but when I look closely, the story sometimes doesn't help me as much as it should. My students have learned that it's often a good sign when I give them a paper back with red ink all over it. When they look closely, they discover that the comments are not really about mistakes - they are suggestions for making the paper perfect. The students often make the corrections and submit the paper and win a state competition or something like that. Applied to this story, this means that although this story won't get straight 10's right now, by the time I make my selections for the Top Stories of 1997, this is likely to be in the Top 10. The only problem with the story is that in this middle part the author has focused so heavily on getting the emotions and details right that he has let the language stand just slightly in the way of expressing this excellent story as accurately and convincingly as possible. If you've read none of the April stories, I suggest that you start by reading the entire current (or the eventually revised) version of Pendragon's "April's First" - all three parts. Then mentally obliterate Pendragon's Part 2 from your mind and read Plainman's version. Remember: details will diverge, because Plainman did not see Pendragon's Part 2 before he wrote his version, and the authors take completely different perspectives. Ratings for "April's First" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 |