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"The Subway" by Pr (exhibitionism) 9.0, 8.0, 8.5
"The Subway" by Pr (petratsrcool@hotmail.com). Guest review by jubjub. Story Summary: Sexual encounter on a subway This is a good story. The sex is hot but the story lasts a bit too long. By that I mean what appears to be a good ending point is missed. The story after that point starts to strain credibility and I personally began to lose the suspension of disbelief. I didn't receive any story codes. I would code as {MF,exhib, nc?, anal, ws}. There are one or two other codes that could be applied but that would give away an interesting twist to the story. Anyway, if those codes don't squick you, the ones I didn't mention won't, either. There is also some racial stereotyping but it can be ignored. Technically, the story was very good. The errors were minor and didn't distract from the flow: occasional misspellings and some lapses in tense. The story flowed quite well. Character and plot could stand some improvement. The characterizations were stereotypical but deliberately so. The writer appeared to get a rise by introducing racial taboos. The subway is under repair so she expects delays. During the trip she is felt up by a guy behind her. He fingers her, she gives him a handjob. If the story had stuck to something like that, it would have been a nice little piece. Unfortunately, the author seemed to get wound up and the sex act went over the edge when the train was stopped and the lights went out. There was no way she could orgasm six times (and he three times) without attracting attention. This is also when the anal and watersports come in. As I said earlier, suspension of disbelief was hard to maintain toward the end. Overall, I would recommend this story for those looking for something kinky and light. Ratings for "The Subway" Technical: 9.0 Well written story with only minor errors Characterization and Plot: 8.0 Quite good, but last part of story could have been cut. Appeal: 8.5 I had a little problem with suspension of disbelief toward the end. |