|
Return To the Celestial Review (This does NOT open a new window) Return To the Index (This does NOT open a new window) Note, to make reading multi-part stories easier, story links (links with dejanews.com or www.qz.to, NOT the review or profile links) will open up a new browser window. When you are done reading the story, or section of the story simply CLOSE the story window. |
|
"A Birthday Wish Come True" by Empath (romance) 10, 10, 10
"A Birthday Wish Come True" by Empath (empath@hotmail.com). The man and woman have dealt with each other only by cybersex and telephone. In addition, they have exchanged pictures. Now he has arrived unexpectedly at her apartment disguised as a telephone company technician and is proceeding to make tender love to her. You'' have to read the story to find out whether they live happily ever after. I'll just say that the romance is sexy and the many details in the story tend to keep it really interesting. From vague hints at the beginning of the story we get the impression that these people met while he was serving as a Celestial proofreader for one of her stories. I didn't intend for my proofreading service to become a form of cybersex, but I suppose stranger things have happened. However, I want to assure you that I do NOT consider copulatory capabilities when assigning proofreaders - although I have noticed that people who use grammar effectively ARE usually quite good in the sack. In addition, the author hints that this story originated as a love letter. What this author has done (apparently with the help of a good proofreader) has been to change all the "you" references that would have occurred in the original letter to third person references. As readers, we don't even notice this; but I assure you that this has resulted in a major improvement. It has turned an initially private intimacy into a very good story for public consumption. One flaw in the story is that the author sometimes tends to get a little off track. For example, there's an incident with Joan, the real telephone technician, that looks like it's going to develop but goes nowhere. My guess is that the author originally intended to write a longer story that would incorporate Joan more completely but then decided to cut the story off at the present ending. When doing this, it would have been better to cut back on or at least alter some of the previous details about Joan. Ratings for "A Birthday Wish Come True" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 |