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"Incubus" by Darkside (TG horror-gasms) 6, 10, 8
"Incubus" by Darkside (Darkside@nym.alias.net). Guest review by DG. This is a long (30k words) and complex story that intertwines elements of horror, romance, and TG. Before going any further, let me just note that by coincidence I have written a 30k-word story with the same title, just in case anyone thought I was reviewing my own work. In this story, a deranged serial killer is on the loose. One of his victims, a young woman named Carolyn, is saved by a psychic, a young man named David, who is able to determine where she is being held hostage. In the process of saving her, David and Carolyn switch bodies. This rather bizarre plot twist is handled well by the author. Before they can switch back, David and Carolyn must come to terms with what happened to them. In particular, Carolyn is haunted by her mistreatment at the hands of the killer. They find that they are developing romantic feelings towards each other, which are complicated by Carolyn's feelings for her best female friend. There are many things I liked about this story: a complex, well-thought-out plot, likable, three-dimensional characters, and a realistic description of what it would be like to have a body of the opposite gender, something that everyone wonders about. Frustratingly, the story is very sloppily written and formatted. It reminded me one of my first drafts, when I just pour my thoughts out onto the screen, to be whipped into shape in later editing sessions. I find it odd that an author with so much obvious talent, who clearly spent a lot of time and thought developing the storyline, wouldn't want to take the time and effort to polish his work. The end result is that although the story was compelling, the sloppy writing acted as a barrier that kept me from enjoying it as much as I should have. I also would have preferred some sex scenes earlier in the story, instead of having to wait until 25,000 words in. Darkside, I'll make a deal with you: put in the commas and section breaks that are so sorely needed, fix some of the awkward dialogue and sentence fragments, and I'll re-review your story and boost the ratings. Ratings for "Incubus" by Darkside Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 10 DG (appeal to reviewer): 8 |