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"Second Post" by LaGoddess (romance) 4, 5, 3
"Second Post" by LaGoddess (LaGoddessa@aol.com). The author wrote, "This is my second post, let me know what your think, LaGod." OK. Here's what I think, LaGod. I think if you expect other people to read what you write, you should have the courtesy to put some effort into yourwriting. It's OK to write a first draft like this one, but before you post it to a public audience, you should have the ingenuity to look at it a second time and make it say what you REALLY want it to say. I suspect you have an interesting story to tell, but what you have posted says that you are a disingenuous klutz whose writing is not worth reading. You wrote: " Not that most guys weren;t worth the effort to get to know. Nor were most girls, come to think of it." What the hell does that mean? You wrote: " SO we became best friends...." Am I to surmise that I am supposed to emphasize the word SO when I read it? Of course not; the SO is a simple accidental capitalization error, which has gone unnoticed because you're too damned lazy or arrogant to correct the mistake. You wrote, "We had a bet on how to spend Spring break." What does that mean? Was there a wager? DID you win the wager or lose it? Did you get a little annoyed by my DID at the beginning of the previous sentence? Did it ever occur to you that when you write something a reader might be interested in knowing what it means? I think if you would have simply taken the time to reread this trash, you would have probably noticed it was gibberish, and maybe you would have made the necessary changes to say what you intended to say. Thanks for asking. P.S. Read the review of the next story. Your story might be as good as that one, if you took the time to write it properly. Ratings for "Improvisation" Athena (technical quality): 4 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3 |