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"Bill's Seduction" by Anthony (Reluctant Affair) 9, 6, 4
"Bill's Seduction" by Anthony (tonytony3@juno.com). Guest Review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). This story begins at a New Year's party, where an innocent kiss under some mistletoe turns out to be a little less than innocent. Later on, Bill (the narrator) discovers Roberta is painstakingly seducing him. Actually I should say, tediously seducing him. Bill resists to the point of complaining about Roberta's flirtations. But of course, Bill doesn't resist too hard when the moment of truth comes. An aggressive woman can be exciting. Adultery can be a spice, an adventure, a break from monotony. A pursuit can be enticing, even more erotic than the sex itself . The elements are certainly here for this story to have worked, yet it's surprisingly drab in its appeal. So what went wrong? It's my belief the story fails by belaboring the reluctance of the narrator. The reader is reminded time and time again that Bill doesn't want anything to do with Roberta. After the first few flirtations Bill begins to open up just the tiniest bit to the possibility of an affair, but immediately clamps back down again. Thus the affair, when it happens, is seen by the reader as a failure, a defeat - not exactly what you want your readers to be thinking when the big sex scene starts happening. Here's an interesting twist though. If the story had been written from Roberta's point of view, I think the story might have worked as some sort of female domination story (forgive me if I misunderstand the genre). In this case the challenge would be to make Bill submit to her will and have sex with her. Here Bill's reluctance would have been a nice plot device. Really, the story may still work out that way for some readers, but I rather suspect that since the story is written from the point of view of the prey rather than the hunter the appeal will be vastly diminished. Now the good news. Once the author stops making the narrator so reluctant and has the two hop into bed, the sex is pretty well written. Roberta stays consistently the aggressive woman and directs the sex like a producer directing a play, but the imagery is vivid enough. It's not the best sex scene ever written but it most certainly isn't the worst. As someone who likes his erotica wrapped around a cozy story, I find myself in the awkward position of having to say this story would have been far better if the author had chopped off the first part and simply submitted it as a sex scene. Certainly, as it stands now I can not recommend this story. Ratings for "Bill's Seduction" Athena (technical quality): 9-- A little hard to read. Venus (plot & character): 6 -- Not really appealing. Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 4 - Didn't really strike a chord. |