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* "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (surprise!) 10, 10, 10
* "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (friar.dave@teamhbbs.com). The single father comes home from work early and discovers his only child Jan, who is 12-years-old, in the shower with Marty, the much older physical fitness instructor who lives next door. Eavesdropping briefly, the father concludes that the activities in the shower include anal intercourse. Since he doesn't want to traumatize his child, the father decides to wait until they're finished and confront them. As I read this story, I grew suspicious. Friar Dave is a good, creative author, and this story bordered on the banal. I began to consider the possibility that maybe there was a punch line - maybe things weren't what they seemed to be. Maybe the father had jumped to the wrong conclusion and taken me with him- maybe the child and friend were just giving the dog a bath or something. So I tried to read the story with possible innocent meanings in mind. I was right. Things weren't what I thought they were. But I still missed the surprise ending. Maybe you'll have better luck. It was an enjoyable story. Ratings for "Nextdoor" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: Some readers have encouraged me to resume these grammar tips. If you have suggestions or comments, please send them to me. INTO & ONTO. The word INTO is not always a proper replacement for IN TO, nor is the word ONTO always replacement for ON TO. INTO means "to a place or position; in toward." Into actually has several more meanings, but the key point is that very often "in" and "to" need to be separated: WRONG: She gave into his demands and agreed to have sex with him and his ex-girlfriend. RIGHT: She gave in to his demands and agreed to have sex with him and his ex-girlfriend. ABSOLUTELY SILLY: After he read the marriage manual for two hours, he went INTO see if he could pop his wife's cherry. ONTO means "to a place or position; upon." In other cases "on" and "to" need to be separated. WRONG: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went ONTO her breasts. {This means he mounted her breasts.} RIGHT: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went ON TO her breasts. {This means he continued by rubbing oil into her breasts} WRONG: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait to move ONTO the real sex. RIGHT: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait to move ON TO the real sex. WRONG: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to hold onto his cock with my pussy muscles. {"mussels" would be a different error - or an interesting metaphor} RIGHT: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to hold on to his cock with my pussy muscles. ABSOLUTELY SILLY: He had so much fun fucking his mother that he went ONTO bob the knob with his sister and aunts as well. ADDENDUM TO LAST ISSUE'S GRAMMAR TIPS: A reviewer called this to my attention. When you're using direct quotations, do NOT use the past tense to express the exact words of quotations that someone said in the past. However, when using indirect quotations, it is necessary, and often complicated, to put the quotations in the past tense, even if the words were present tense when stated. WRONG: Henry looked at her as she gazed out the window.... "Where the hell were we?" she thought. RIGHT: Henry looked at her as she gazed out the window.... "Where the hell are we?" she thought. RIGHT: I wondered where the hell we were. RIGHT: She wondered where the hell they were. WRONG: She thought, "Was I going to meet his expectations?" RIGHT: She wondered whether she would meet his expectations. WRONG: She asked herself, "How many of these guys did I fuck last night?" RIGHT: She asked herself how many of these guys she had fucked previous night. |