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"The Color of Her Hair" by Steve (sexual encounters). Story Writer: No rating,
but unfavorable impression
Unarchived
"The Color of Her Hair" by Steve (Steve1044@aol.coim). Guest review by The Story Writer. Unarchived "The Color of Her Hair" is lacking on almost all counts. Not much happens, really. After an irrelevant initial incident, boy meets girl. Some barely plausible and uninteresting dialogue follows and boy and girl go back to her apartment for sex. One premature ejaculation and one bumbled coitus interruptus later, the girl is angry and the boy is out. This has the feel of a "true" story in the worst sense. It has no plan. Although the author seems to like red hair, it is not germane to the action. The initial incident has nothing to do with the remainder of the story and the dialogue leading up to the sex is unrelated to the ending. There is no distance between author and first person narrator, no rising tension and no (literary) climax. Technically, there are grammatical errors in the dialogue that are not justified by the speakers' characters -- these are supposed to be college students. The author, or someone's word processor, has eliminated all the paragraph marks. Finally (a failing of 99.99% of all the stories I read) sentences are not separated by TWO spaces as Athena decrees. Oddly, a couple of other stories on "Steve's" website are not bad. I wonder what happened to his story this time out. {No rating} |