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"Receiving End" by pUSSEL (anal ff sex) 5, 7, 7
"Receiving End" by pUSSEL (frederik.pileborg@swipnet.se). Patricia, who brushes her hair vigorously every night before bed, comes home to Jenny with a surprise – a sextoy designed for a part of the anatomy with which they had not previously experimented haircut. The author tells us that the girls in this story wash their butts on a regular basis. That's why there's no shit or foul smells. That's also a hint about the plot of the story. The author also tells us that he corrected this sentence before posting the story: "With light nipples I followed her nipples up to her ear, taking her nipple in my mouth and gently nippled on it." That's nice, but numerous errors remain, including a reference to "extrem excertion of willpower," which could easily have been corrected with a more careful proofreading. In addition, the following sentence would have to involve mirrors, since Patricia is doing both the smiling and the pushing: "Smiling back at Patricia, she pushed a little harder, and suddenly the head slipped past my sphincter." Abandoning my perspective as an English teacher, the author tries to achieve verisimilitude by having the anal sex hurt like hell when it is done badly. Not only that, but I have deliberately fucked up the previous sentence with a dangling modifier. See! They really are worth avoiding. Eventually they get the anal thing right and have pleasant sex together. The author has a good idea here, but he should have developed it properly instead of rushing it to press so quickly after it occurred to him. As it is, we're left with an interesting idea instead of a good story. Ratings for "Receiving End" Athena (technical quality): 5 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 |