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"OC Transpo" by Nightingale (stroke story). Dragon: 4, 2, 2
"OC Transpo" by Nightingale (unknown address) (reposted by John Dark). Guest review by Crimson Dragon. I had a look at the title of this story and thought ... odd ... I figured that the title might even make sense after reading the story, but alas. I have no good explanation for the title; but that is neither here nor there. Greg and Mona start out playing in a field, decide to continue indoors, play some more on the bus home, tantalising the author in the process (I think), and then set down to some serious screwing back at the apartment. This was basically a 'stroke' story. I ought to warn you that the voyeuristic content in this story is minimal at best. It is confined to a confusing interlude on a bus. I should also warn you that I'm not a huge fan of stroke material, preferring a bit more character and plot in my stories. That might explain some of the marks below, but I doubt it. If one long sex scene turns your crank, then this story might be for you if you can get past the grammatical errors that seem to inundate this piece. I found the story brimming with cliches, missed tenses, missed words, and ill- constructed sentences. Just for more fun, the author switches between first and third person writing, which is exceptionally confusing. Such things bother me more than most I would imagine, but I found this story particularly poor in that regard. On the bright side, I didn't find many spelling errors. Despite all these problems, it was somewhat coherent, if these kinds of stories are for you. How important is grammar in a true stroke story, I ask? The plot can be summarised in one word. Sex. There is a bizarre episode on a bus which only served to confuse the charactisation, what little there was. I completely lost track of the characters there, mainly because of the aforementioned flip between first and third person which seemed unnecessary. To be honest, I didn't quite see the point to the bus interlude. Along with a very long and mechanical sex scene, that seriously was the extent of the plot. The characters were cardboard, not caring much beyond the sex of the piece. The author seemed to be struggling to portray some caring between the participants, but in my opinion failed because of the complete emphasis on the mechanics of the sex acts. The biggest problems with the story were a lack of direction, no plot and no characterisations. Not a ringing endorsement, I'm afraid. I'd recommend that the author, if he does write any further stories, get a good proofreader and at least clean up the English. And perhaps tell a story more than simply describe some sex acts. If one long mechanical sex scene is your cup of tea, then you might want to try this one ... if not, I'd give it a pass. Ratings for "OC Transpo": Athena (technical): 4 (far too many English errors) Venus (plot and character): 2 (no plot, and very little characterisation) Crimson (appeal): 2 (but I'm not a big 'stroke' fan) |