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"Scorcher" by Nita360 (first time ff). MissB: 4, 4, 4
"Scorcher" by Nita360 (Nita360@hotmail.com) Guest Review by Miss Behavin (missbehavin@sprint.ca). It's hot out -- 96 degrees Fahrenheit to be exact; and Karla, who is looking as hot as the weather, stops by her favorite watering hole to cool off. During her conversation with the bartender, Karla tells him that her husband is off fishing, and you get the picture that she's definitely feeling his absence. As luck would have it, Karla's friend Carrie is also at the bar, and they decide to play a friendly game of darts. As the two sexy women play they are observed by a small group of spectators who are enjoying both the game and the players. One admiring fan, a young "logger" with bad dental hygiene, decides that he'd like to shoot a game of pool with them and doesn't take their rejection well. Karla, feeling her pent-up sexual frustration, decides to take matters into her own hands and helps the kid with his chair before the bartender comes over and tosses him out. The friends leave the bar to have a slumber party at Karla's place, which is devoid of a husband and children. Over a pitcher of Margaritas and a couple of joints they become much closer as they, for the first time, explore each other's feminine side. The setup is predictable, but the intimate moments between the two ladies show a little promise with a few good descriptions; and the understanding shown between them at the end was well done. In the end, this story did very little for me. Several times I found myself reading the same sentence over and over again, trying to understand what the writer meant. (It's really amazing what a few well-placed commas and the magical powers of a spell/grammar check program can do.) The characters are fairly rough, and it's hard to get a feel for either of them. The dialogue is hard to follow, but I blame this more on the writer's layout than the actual writing. I have to downgrade Scorcher to 'remotely warm with a 100% chance of a cool breeze on the horizon.' Ratings for "Scorcher" Athena (technical quality): 4 Venus (plot & character): 4 Miss Behavin' (Appeal to reviewer): 4 |