"That was a lovely piece," I admitted after reading Lisa's erotic poem. But why magnify the importance of the first time? Was it really that special?"
"Sure," Lisa said. "The act is less important than the symbolism."
"So what happens after the first time – does passion become less intense or satisfying?"
"Everything fades away eventually," Lisa said. "Passion is transitory; but the first time is a special memory. It's an adult rite of passage, a time to experience the excitement of passion without preconceived ideas."
"But people always have preconceived ideas – especially from mass media and literature. Nobody is completely naive. You can't assume that an experience is more authentic just because it is the first. Suppose it were possible to erase the memory of a first sexual experience afterwards. Theoretically, a person could fuck every day and remain a virgin for an eternity."
"Yes, that would be horrible!" Lisa said, laughing. "Nobody would ever master technique or relax enough to enjoy it. Look, I never said that losing one's virginity was ideal or even pleasant. In fact, there's a lot of discomfort for the woman. I was relieved to get it over with. No, the first time is much better when your lover is prepared and patient."
"So two virgins having sex for the first time is –"
"A disaster waiting to happen," Lisa said. "Later things improve and people learn to enjoy sex for what it is. It's a necessary learning process."
"But men seek out younger woman and vice versa. That means men will do more teaching than learning."
"If anyone should be taking notes, it's the man," Lisa said. "A woman's sex drive is far more complex than a man's."
"Why do men prefer less experienced sex partners?"
"Maybe a man doesn't need a skilled partner to enjoy the entire experience. But a women does."
"That problem is easily solved," I said. "All boys should be required to read and study a sex manual in school. Perhaps they can receive an illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra at the onset of puberty. Or maybe they can be required to watch an explicit sex education video – a real sex education video."
"You can't learn how to make love from reading a book," Lisa said. "It's like dancing; you can memorize the steps or watch great dancers, but if you don't feel the movements in your heart, you will never become a great dancer."
"But it must help."
"Possibly. Who knows? Maybe the author of Kama Sutra was a lousy lover. Why should we trust his advice? And even if a sexologist produced a truly informative sex video, those who watched it would merely be learning by observation. Gentleness and agility come with practice."
"That is interesting." I said. "If women prefer men with more experience, do less experienced men have no way to learn about sex except from virgins?"
"Experience doesn't make you a better lover, but you need a certain minimum amount."
"Personally I think experience is overrated," I said. "Every new love is a unique experience. Every partner has a different set of behaviors and urges, and people simply adapt to the person they are with, whether the partner is a virgin or a serial lover."
"You are naive," Lisa said. "People are not as adaptable as you assume. A person may have a variety of lovers, but her sexual preferences and triggers to arousal aren't inclined to change – at least, that is true for me. Instead, people reuse old bedroom scripts and techniques from prior relationships."
You're probably right," I said, wondering if my sexual inexperience was the cause of our disagreement.
Written November, 2007.
