Not sure if this is going to another somewhat open letter to someone, maybe just me, or a blog to post so if and when people read and comment if might help understanding.

Rhon informed me of something that is going to happen last night soon. Guess thinking about it, Rhon was considerate, a consideration he didn't have to show. If he hadn't I would have been surprised but not mad, it is something that is his to decide and do.

If this is posted I should remind any readers that Rhon is my...well this is embarrassing...certainly a highly significant other but not sure if I can say boy or girl friend. Physically/biologically she is female.....Emotionally HE is male. 

For me it is the HE I care about most, probably because I know it the he that cares the most for ronni.
Ronni?, well that is feminine me.

Well, the announcement was the biological woman has decided to take a male lover...yes I am male, but when we are together I am virtually 100% of the time dressed as a woman, HIS woman. 

Today we were talking and in the past year we have actually had sex, about 6 times when I am the male and yet we are sexual every time we are by ourselves. Then if a one week during the summer is removed it is down to just 3 no more 4 times. So when she said she had to do this because her physical needs have to be met, it didn't surprise me much.

There are reasons for this some are physical, my difficulties of getting and staying erect is one, but we have pills for that. She has them and only once has she told the male me here take this. Another reason is not seeing each other very often in a place where sex is possible, but the biggest reason is most of the time it is Rhon the HE and not  her that is with me. 

The male in me was shocked when she told me of her decision and that she has already met someone who can be sexual with her, but not be emotional with. Yet in the hours since then I have come to realize that deep down this is something I was expecting. I have known for a long time her she has been dissatisfied.
I was told point blank by Rhon the he no longer sees me as anything but his girl friend someone he would love to live with as male/dominant and woman/submissive a BDSM sexually reversed husband/wife .   

The gut level feeling that happened in me is like losing an old friend, or not realizing how much something means until it is taken away from me. 

While Rhon did not say it for a fact as I am writing this I believe the intent was there would no longer even be an effort to have sex in a traditional manner........no longer would it even be tolerated or allowed  if it is me that wants it. *Since writing the above passage I have een told there is a 'chance' we will still have intercourse in the traditional man/woman fashion,"once in a Blue Moon".

However, it means more than just having sexual intercourse with her. HE does not want me to cum as a man either in any way.
While I have not been told this it has been at least  3 months since I came as of writing this. That happened one day when Rhon was playing with  me using dildos and inserting several items into my 'clitoris'.
Suddenly he became she and she masturbated me to completion.

My guts are telling me if she is being sexually satisfied by someone else, there will not be the motivation or enjoyment or doing it for me.

Obviously, at least to me for a casual reader, the nest question is do I cum at all, EVER? The answer would probably be in the recent past ONE more time than the number of times we had intercourse. 
In the future, I would expect to be considerable less that that. So if in the past 12 to 15 months it was 7, then in the next 12 to 15 months my expectation is going to be 1 to 3. Why list any at all?, am I going to cheat on my promise to abstain except for him? NO, but in the past few hours I was told cumming and 'maybe' even intercourse MIGHT happen about every Blue Moon. That Blue Moon keeps coming back,  unfortunately real Blue Moons occur about once every 2 - 3 years.

Not sure how to handle that news. Happy, because it is not gone forever? Sad, that Blue Moons only come around every few years?  Sad, because a portion of my basic identity from the time I was a teenager is leaving? Accepting, because so long as Rhon continues to care of me as he has taken care of me emotionally and physically so the last year has been great.

The fem side of her is planning on meeting her new masculine friend for sex just before our next planned weekend. This is being done on purpose so she can come in and offer ronni her newly filled pussy. Along the way she will stop for a drink so that there will also be a filled bladder for ronni to drink.

When I sit here and think of these things and how far things have changed it bothers me. 
YET!, when ronni thinks of these things she is filled with love, desire and satisfaction that Rhon is so happy with his life in comparison of where he was the 3 plus years ago when they met. Ronni is also happy that Rhon's feminine side is finally going to be able to have a real man to fill her physical needs. 
Something inside me keeps saying this is wrong, but I can't see where that is.

I also know that Rhon lives a lonely life at times because we only can get together once a week and most of those times are just a breakfast or lunch. Finding someone for the 'her' side to visit with, be friends with and be sexual with is good. 
My feelings are a little hurt, but not mad. They are hurt because I am not able to fulfill all these roles, despite knowing it would be impossible. Even if we DID live together as 'man/wife' within bdsm I would still not be able to fully satisfy.

Rhon also has let slip that he may have found a real life man for ronni when he is there to supervise what they do. Ronni is not sure how she feels about this. She is concerned, but what bothers her more than anything is that Rhon will be disappointed in her performance and ability to satisfy Rhon's friend. 
I am suspicious but I think Rhon would like it if his new friend met with ronni regularly in order to teach her how to please and respond to men. But, then again ronni tends to get ahead of herself and be wrong many of the times.

If you notice I am constantly referring to ronni in the 3rd person as if she is someone else, a friend maybe. I am aware of this but I believe it is not a habit, but a state of mind. She is there and I know it, but am not ready to completely embrace who she is and she means to me. 
However, if I am dressed in ronni's clothes my voice without thinking about it changes. Rhon has said my facial expressions and body language changes. I am aware that my tone and expressions when writing are different and I use the personal pronoun 'I', instead of he 3rd person. 

Lastly ,for now, I want to think through another comment Rhon made to ronni recently and this is how over the past few months has moved out of this being an elaborate game we are playing and into it being for real. He imagines with very real ideas how one day he hopes we can live together as a sort of man and wife. 
The real reason Rhon allowed his feminine side to take a lover was because it has become impossible to view me as anything except his girl friend. Rhon's fem biological side needed some relief and 'she' could no longer put it off and no longer see me as suitable sex partner.
I believe the exact words were several months ago I lead the relationship into a 'left' turn and once we when that way before long you were going to be ronni totally in my image of you. 
I kept waiting for things to change, but they aren't going to change and by that I mean go back to the way they were. Ronni is who you are and who I want you to be. I just needed time to think and adjust before looking for a man to satisfy me.

Yes, in some ways that was difficult to hear, but again as I discussed awhile back it is only receiving news about something you already knew was going to happen. 

The rest is just my 'guessing' about some of the things that might happen next. 
First is the 'new' boyfriend. SHE is going to bring ronni a full load for her to clean up whenever possible. I find this cute in some ways, disgusting in others and almost romantic also in wanting to 'share'.
Ronni has also been told that some Saturdays when they get together for breakfast or lunch to expect something else first.

I think because Rhon is spreading his control, call it ownership of ronni there are going to be some physical changes or modifications made sometime in the future.
Ronni has pledged chastity, but I get the feeling Rhon is not as concerned with ronni learning to take care of men and possible even learning to like it. It does feel that he wants to make sure ronni is not tempted nor are any of the men tempted and so a chastity arrangement has to implemented that is not voluntary. Plus lets admit it, for Rhon an enforced chastity on ronni is another big power kick. The problem might have been settled awhile back when a CB3000 was bought, but it caused pinching and rubbed sores. Some pain is  expected especially when to stop an erection, but this was all the time resulting in sores developing. This made it unacceptable.
Rhon's idea is one he read about awhile back. It means  putting what I think is called a Prince Albert piercing in the end of the clitoris, which is what her refers to it as and then his idea is to put another into the scrotum about ½ way down. These 2 piercings and solid rings would then allow him to lock them together with a small padlock. 
I am not sure it will work, but the concept is that in normal everyday living the cock/clitoris sits in that position. By padlocking it there, it require ronni sitting topee all the time and any attempt by her or anyone else to play with it without permission would be very unpleasant.
He sees this small body modification as not terribly intrusive, except if ronni's family would see it in an emergency situation.

A second smallish addition would be a tattoo. If ronni is still living with her family then it will be visible under ultraviolet light only. 
If or when ronni starts living with Rhon there will most likely be at least 2 tattoos, probably featuring something like a butterfly, or rose or something else that would say feminine.

A cheap addition I know Rhon will want is an earring piercing in both ears, at least one for ronni to be able to wear the dangle earrings he likes on ronni. 

The next addition to the body definitely would be something that if done correctly would need to be redone every month or so. This would be a brand, probably on the ass and representing this belongs to me.

Even though ronni wear a wig it might be that Rhon would want her hair to grow longer.

It came to the other day that if we were together and even if not rich, but with some money a body modification Rhon would want is both of ronni's breasts enhanced and if affordable thru implants.   Not huge, but about what 2 of the bra inserts would be. It would take ronni from a small B to small C. Enough for Rhon to play with, but small enough to be hidden from family members when visiting by using a sports bra. Yes, this is sounding ridiculous in some ways, but my imagination has never been beyond what Rhon has already thought of usually in more detail and kinkier. A ronni with breasts and a clitoris/penis under control would be perfect. 
