
                            THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW

INTRODUCTION

   The Andy Griffith Show, which introduced us to the denizens of
   Mayberry, North Carolina, ran on CBS from 1960 - 1968. Griffith played
   the role of Andy Taylor, a small-town widowed sheriff, who lived with
   his young son Opie (Ron Howard), and his Aunt Bee (Francis Bavier).

   Sheriff Taylor was backed up by his cousin and deputy, Barney Fife,
   played by Don Knotts.

   In 1965, when Andy made noises about ending the series, Knotts went
   looking for other projects, including movies and a short-lived ety
   show. But Griffith was convinced to stay with the series; and Knotts
   had committed himself beyond his capacity to stay with the show. His
   character "moved away" from Mayberry, only returning occasionally in
   subsequent shows.

   In the first episode of the sequel series, "Mayberry RFD", Sheriff
   Taylor and long-time girlfriend Helen Crump married and "moved away"
   from Mayberry, leaving the town (and the new series) to Sam Jones (Ken
   Berry).

   While the series was still in its first run, daytime reruns were shown
   under the title "Andy of Mayberry".

   Most of this story takes place in that short gap between the two
   series, but if the story conflicts in some details with the wedding
   episode, please forgive me.



Let's all sing! (Or you can just whistle, if you like.)

Well, now take down your fishin' pole
And meet me at the fishin' hole.
We may not get a bite all day,
But don't you rush away!

What a great place to rest your bones,
And mighty fine for skippin' stones.
You'll feel fresh as a lemonade,
A settin' in the shade.

Whether it's hot,
Whether it's cool,
Oh what a spot
For whistlin' like a fool!

What a fine day to take a stroll
And wander by the fishin' hole.
I can't think of a better way
To pass the time o'day!



   The Andy Griffith Show: "Ding! Dong! The Bells Are Gonna Chime"

   Raleigh, North Carolina:

   Barney Fife picked up the card again and looked hard at it. It was a
   nice card, an engraved wedding invitation. He ran his fingers over the
   printing, feeling the raised type, testing to see if he could read it
   with his fingers.

   He gritted his teeth and tried again... yes... he could just ...
   almost ... make out the word Andrew.

   He opened his eyes, and saw that his fingers were on the word
   "church".

   He tossed the invitation back on the end table disgustedly. Tying his
   robe around him, he picked up his shaving kit and towel, and strode
   purposefully down the hall toward the showers.

   A door opened to his right, and a head appeared before him.

   "Hi sweetie, have you seen Lance?" the fellow asked.

   "Nope." Barney shook his head.

   "Oh, darn," the fellow said, grimacing. "We were supposed to shower
   together."

   Barney walked on down the hallway. Living at the YMCA did have its
   drawbacks.

   He showered quickly, donning his robe over his wet body before someone
   else walked in on him. He took his shaving kit over to the sink and
   lathered his face.

   Two men walked into the shower room, and stripped. Barney kept his
   eyes studiously on his reflection in the foggy mirror. They went into
   the large shower room, and the water started running.

   Barney rushed his shaving, but the moaning and slapping sounds in the
   shower caught his ears anyway. He rinsed off the last of the shaving
   cream, gathered up his stuff, and rushed down the hallway to his room.


   Once again safely behind his closed door, he sighed heavily. He
   removed his robe and finished drying off, then took his security guard
   uniform off the hanger and began to dress.

   :::

   Back in Mayberry, Sheriff Andy Taylor walked down Main Street. He
   passed several townspeople who smiled and nodded. The door to Emmett's
   Fix-it Shop was open, and he leaned inside.

   "Hey, Emmett," he grinned.

   "Hey, Andy." Emmett looked up from the innards of the toaster he was
   working on. "Nice day out."

   "Sure is." Andy stuck his hands into his pockets. "You got time to
   look at Aunt Bee's clothes washer?"

   Emmett scratched his head, thinking. "I guess I could get over there
   this afternoon. Havin' trouble with that hot-water hose again?"

   "Naw," Andy smiled. "It's making a funny noise now. Sorta 'ga-loom,
   ga-loom'."

   Emmett nodded. "Know exactly what that is. No trouble."

   "Thanks. See you later."

   Andy went back out to the sidewalk, and headed toward the courthouse.
   He began whistling a merry little tuneless tune.

   Floyd Lawson was sitting in front of his barber shop, reading his
   newspaper. Andy slipped into the other end of the bench.

   "Morning, Floyd," Andy said.

   "Morning, Andy," Floyd replied, peering over the top of his paper.
   "Need a haircut?"

   "Not yet, Floyd. But I will before the wedding. Maybe this afternoon."


   Floyd put down his newspaper. "That's right. You're getting married...
   is it tomorrow?"

   Andy shook his head. "Nope, day after. We've got a wedding rehersal
   tonight."

   "I love weddings," Floyd sighed.

   They sat in silence as a dog strolled past them, then flopped down on
   the sidewalk, and started to lick its genitals.

   Floyd nodded at the dog. "Sometimes I wish I could do that."

   Andy grinned. "So why don't you? It's your dog."

   They both broke out laughing, and Andy stood up. "Got to go, Floyd.
   See you this afternoon."

   Floyd was still laughing. "Okay, Andy."

   As Andy strolled on down the street, Floyd stood and shouted after
   him, "Hey, Andy, that's not my dog!"

   :::

   Barney walked out the doors of the YMCA and headed up the street. Even
   in the state capital, there weren't many people out yet this time of
   the morning.

   He strutted in his uniform, marching music playing in his head. He
   reached the bank doors shortly, and fished in his pocket for the key.

   He opened the door, stepped inside, and locked the door behind him. He
   made his morning inspection, making sure that nothing was suspicious,
   nothing out of place, nothing was amiss.

   Finally satisfied, he sat down in his chair, picked up yesterday's
   newspaper, and began to read.

   The manager arrived shortly, and Barney took up his guard's position
   in the lobby. The tellers and other personnel filtered in.

   Barney rocked back and forth on his feet, watching the bank customers
   move in and out. Periodically, he patted the handgun on his hip, just
   to assure himself that it was still there. Andy wasn't around to
   enforce the "one bullet" rule, but Barney did keep the first chamber
   empty, just in case he fumbled with the gun.

   One day was much like another at the bank, he mused. It was a good
   thing to have something every once in a while to pull you out of the
   ordinary. So it was with the wedding invitation. He had always
   expected Andy and Helen to get married, but the invitation had come
   out of the blue.

   A sly smile crept over his face as he thought about Andy and Helen,
   and Mayberry. It really would be nice to see the old hometown again.

   He hadn't realized he had his eyes closed, until the kid kicked his
   shins.

   "Ow!" Barney hopped on one foot, rubbing the insulted leg, as the
   child ran and hid behind his mother.

   Re regained his composure, easing his weight back on the injured leg.
   He smiled at the woman, who gave him a dirty look.

   "Kids..." he muttered, "That kind of behavior needs to be nipped in
   the bud, I tell you," and strolled across the front of the lobby. "Nip
   it!"

   About half-way across the floor, he spotted a book of matches. He bent
   down quickly and picked them up. He glanced at the pack; from the big
   hotel up the street. He slipped the matches into his pocket.

   :::

   Andy picked up the two-piece phone and leaned back in his chair,
   putting his feet up on the desk. "Sarah, get Helen for me."

   He tilted his head back, away from the microphone, and whistled softly
   until Helen picked up her telephone.

   When she answered, Andy jumped. "Hello, sweetie." A pause while he
   listened, then said, "No, I didn't mean you, Sarah. Thank you." He
   waited for the click indicating Sarah had broken her connection.

   "Hello, Sweetie," Andy repeated, leaning back again in his chair,
   cradling the base of the phone on his chest as he whispered sweet
   nothings into the long-handled stem of the telephone.

   :::

   Barney rocked back and forth on his feet. Mid-afternoons standing
   guard in the lobby were the worst. The sun beat through the windows,
   heating up his legs, making his feet sweat inside his heavy,
   shiny-black shoes.

   He turned his back on the entranceway, trying to even out the heat on
   his shoes. He heard the door open, but didn't turn around.

   Realizing after a moment that nobody had passed him after entering the
   door, he glanced around. He saw a form -- a female form -- slip behind
   him. He turned the other way. The woman moved again swiftly behind him
   again.

   Barney spun on his heels quickly, and was face-to-face with the woman.
   Suddenly, he was being kissed. Kissed hard and soft at the same time.

   He pushed himself back and opened his eyes wide.

   "Thelma Lou!"

   She grinned at him, a sparkle in her eye. "Hi, Barney."

   :::

   Andy hung up the phone, and set it back on the desk. He leaned back
   again in the chair, putting his hands behind his head. He smiled,
   thinking about Helen.

   The door to the courthouse burst open, and Otis stumbled in.

   Andy jumped up. "Otis, it's too early in the day for this!"

   Otis shook his head. "I'm not drunk, Andy. Honest."

   "What's the problem?"

   "Guess who I just saw at the edge of town."

   "I'm not guessing. Tell me."

   "Ernest T. Bass. Big as life."

   Andy shook his head. All he needed right now was Ernest T.

   "All right, Otis. Do me a favor and go down to the hardware store and
   tell them to be sure they've got lots of window glass available."

   Otis nodded.

   "And Otis," Andy added, "try to stay out of trouble this weekend."

   Otis turned and grinned at him. "You get married this weekend,
   doncha?"

   Andy nodded. "Yep. And I'll consider it your wedding present to spend
   the weekend at home."

   "Aw, Andy..." Otis smiled and looked at the floor. "All right, you got
   a deal."

   :::

   Barney looked at Thelma Lou, astonished.

   "What... How did you find me?" he stammered.

   "Why, Barney, are you hiding from me?" Thelma Lou smiled, batting her
   eyes at him.

   "Nope," Barney said, gulping.

   "Actually, I got an invitation from Andy and Helen. I called Helen up
   to RSVP, and I asked her where you were working."

   "Oh..." Barney nodded. "This is not my ordinary job, you understand.
   Most of the time I'm in my office upstairs, but two of my men were
   sick, and another's on vacation, so I..."

   Thelma Lou nodded. "I understand. Where are you living?"

   Barney gulped again, and put his hands in his pockets. He felt the
   matchbook, and pulled it out quickly.

   "Usually, I stay here," he said, handing her the matchbook.

   "Oh," Thelma Lou said, looking at the matchbook. "That's a very nice
   place."

   Barney glanced at his watch. "Tell you what. I get off in a couple of
   hours. What say you give me some time after that to change clothes,
   and I'll meet you in the hotel restaurant at about seven o'clock."

   "That would be lovely." Thelma Lou leaned forward again and kissed his
   cheek. "I'm looking forward to catching up with you."

   She turned and pushed through the door, waving at him through the
   glass.

   "Friend of yours, Mr. Fife?"

   Barney turned to see the bank manager glaring at him. "Yessir. Back on
   duty. Sorry."

   A small smile drifted over the manager's face. "You might want to wipe
   off that lipstick, Fife."

   :::

   Andy sat outside the courthouse door. As long as he sat outside,
   chances were good that Ernest T. wouldn't throw a rock through his
   window.

   A furtive movement across the street caught his eye. Andy stood up and
   squinted into the sunlight at the hedges across from him. He saw
   something -- someone -- moving behind the bushes.

   Glancing both ways, Andy dashed across the street. With a running
   start, he was able to leap, neatly clearing the short row of hedges,
   landing right behind the man, who spun around and fell, landing on his
   ass.

   "Ernest T. Bass, what are you doing here?" Andy said, angrily.

   "Howdy, Sheriff!" Ernest T. said, cheerfully. He scrambled up to his
   feet.

   "What do you want, Ernest T.?"

   "Heard you were gettin' hitched, Sheriff," Ernest T. said eagerly. "I
   want to sing at your weddin'."

   "Aw, Ernest T.," Andy scowled. "I think Helen's got the wedding all
   planned."

   "I think the pretty teacher wants me to sing."

   "I don't think so, Ernest T."

   "Does so."

   Andy shook his head. "I don't think so."

   Ernest T. showed Andy the rock in his hand. "If I don't get to sing,
   I'll break your winder with this rock."

   Andy reached for the rock, but Ernest T. pulled it out of reach.

   "Oh, all right, Ernest T., I'll talk to Helen."

   "And she'll let me sing?"

   "We'll see."

   "Then what do I do with this rock?"

   "Throw it away," Andy said, shrugging. He turned his back on Ernest
   T., and knew, as soon as he did, it was the wrong thing to do.

   The sound of breaking glass brought several citizens out to the
   street.

   Ernest T. cackled, and ran away.

   Andy called out, "Don't worry, Frank. I'll call the hardware, and get
   that glass replaced. And I'll take the cost out of Ernest T.'s
   hide..." and added, to himself, "...if I can catch him."

   :::

   Opie Taylor scuffed his battered sneakers in the gravel and dust on
   the back road. His spirits were high, his troubles were light, and he
   was about to participate in one of his favorite late-summer activities
   -- skinny-dipping in the "ol' swimmin' hole".

   As he walked down the lane, he remembered the many, many times he had
   walked this same lane, either to go fishing or swimming, with his dad.


   Almost without a thought, he started whistling a little tune.

   As he neared the swimming hole -- which was just upstream from the
   best fishing spot, he stopped whistling. He heard splashing coming
   from the pool.

   He moved into "Indian" mode. He slid into the bushes on the side of
   the lane, and slipped up to the small clearing around the pool.

   He expected to see one of his friends, and wanted to startle him. What
   he saw, startled HIM.

   The head showing above the water, its face turned away from him, was
   long-haired. No male in Mayberry wore long hair like that. It had to
   be a girl.

   He glanced around the pool, and spotted a small pile of clothes.
   "Hmm," he thought, "she must be skinny-dipping, too."

   The girl splashed, and lay back in the water, floating on her back. He
   could see she was definitely female, now. Her small, pert breasts
   broke water, as she floated, just barely moving her arms.

   He felt a swelling in his pants, and adjusted his position a bit to
   ease the pressure.

   She floated around in a small circle, guiding herself with small
   motions of her hands. She splashed again as she rose back up, her feet
   finding the stones in the bottom of the pool, and standing up.

   He could see her face now, if he could tear his eyes away from those
   swellings on her chest. The cold water had caused her nipples to
   harden, and they looked like little bullets on her tits, pointed up,
   the soft breasts a little bottom-heavy.

   It was Mary Lynn, a girl in his class at school. Funny, he never
   noticed how nice her body was before.

   His left foot was going to sleep in his crouched position. He leaned
   over to the right to ease the pain. A branch snapped under his foot.

   He froze, but it was too late. The girl dropped down in the water.

   "Who's there?"

   She was looking right at him.

   "Opie? Opie Taylor, is that you?"

   Opie stood up. "I just got here. I din't see nothin'"

   Mary Lynn frowned, "Didn't see...? I'll bet you didn't."

   Opie stepped down to the edge of the pool. "Honest, I..."

   "Don't lie, Opie," she smiled. "It's not good for the Sheriff's son to
   lie."

   Opie blushed.

   "Are you going to swim?" she asked.

   "You don't mind?"

   Mary Lynn shook her head. "Not really. Not if it's just you and not
   all your friends too." Then she grinned. "Besides, turnabout's fair
   play. You saw me, now I get to see you, too."

   Opie shrugged. He stood up and kicked off his shoes, and pulled off
   his tee-shirt. He started to unfasten his jeans, then looked back at
   Mary Lynn.

   "You're sure?"

   Mary Lynn nodded.

   Opie dropped his pants, then reached up and tugged down his
   undershorts.

   His raging hard-on had diminished when he was discovered. He was happy
   to remember that he had grown some fuzzy, red hair over his penis
   during the summer.

   He stood up, briefly letting her get a look, then jumped feet first
   into the water.

   Mary Lynn bobbed over toward him. "So that's what those things look
   like in person," she smiled.

   "What things?"

   "Your... penis."

   "Oh. What do you mean 'in person'?"

   "Remember when Miss Crump took all the girls in one room, and Coach
   Barnes took all the boys in another room?"

   "Yeah. He showed us a movie about reproduction."

   "We saw a movie, too. Then Miss Crump showed us a picture of that
   statue of David, without a fig leaf in front of it."

   "I've only seen pictures too," Opie said, blushing. "Of girls, I
   mean." His mind raced to the magazines Barney used to keep rolled up
   behind the toilet tank in the bathroom at the courthouse.

   Mary Lynn's head ducked under water. Opie glanced around, looking for
   her swimming somewhere, but she reappeared right where she had gone
   under.

   Mary Lynn brushed her hair back out of her face.

   "Where'd you go?" Opie asked.

   "I tried to get another look," she smiled back at him. "But it's too
   dark under water."

   Opie nodded. "You wanna go up under those trees and ..."

   "Both of us?" she asked.

   "Yeah."

   "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

   "Of course not... if you won't."

   "Okay." Mary Lynn started dog-paddling toward the trees.

   Opie followed, lagging back a little bit, admiring the glimpse of her
   bare bottom as she swam ahead of him.

   Mary Lynn climbed out of the water, and as Opie watched her butt
   jiggle, she headed for the shade of the old elm near the waterside.
   She sat beside the trunk of the tree, her legs primly tucked together
   under her.

   Opie climbed out, and strode quickly to the tree. He knelt down beside
   her. The cold water and clinical talk had kept him from arousal, so
   his flaccid penis lay against his thighs.

   Mary Lynn leaned forward, curiously looking at his penis. "It's so...
   different," she whispered. "It's much different than I imagined they
   would be."

   She looked up at his face. "Can I touch it?"

   Opie nodded, and swallowed, nervously.

   Mary Lynn tenatively reached over and put her hand under his penis. It
   jumped in her hand. She jerked her hand back.

   "What'd you do?"

   "Not my fault, honest," Opie said. "It happened all by itself!"

   Mary Lynn reached out again and took his penis in her hand. Opie's
   cock began to react, growing in her hand.

   "Are you doing this on purpose? What's it doing?"

   "They call it an erection, I think," Opie said, watching her face.

   "Oh. Oh yeah, I remember." Fascinated, Mary Lynn watched Opie's penis
   fill out to a full erection in her hand. "It's so big... Is that
   supposed to fit inside a girl?"

   "I guess so," Opie nodded. "That's what I've read, anyhow."

   "Wow." Mary Lynn stroked Opie's penis, and Opie moaned.

   "Does that hurt?" she asked.

   "No, it feels ... good." Opie straightened up. "Now it's my turn," he
   said.

   Mary Lynn looked up. "Your turn?"

   "I'd like to see you... to touch you."

   "Oh." Mary Lynn blushed. She sat back, reluctantly releasing his
   penis. She shook her hair back behind her shoulders, and threw her
   chest out, accentuating her small, pert breasts.

   Opie reached out, cupping one breast in each hand. Her hard nipples
   pressed against the palms of his hands. He moved his hands down,
   catching her nipples between his fingers.

   Mary Lynn closed her eyes and moaned softly. "I feel like
   electricity's flowing down my body," she whispered.

   "What about down there," Opie whispered back. "Can I see down there?"

   Mary Lynn nodded. She leaned her shoulder against the tree trunk, and
   let her legs out from under her. She rolled over so that her back was
   against the tree. Her legs were still together, but Opie could now see
   the sparse black curls that barely covered the nexus of her groin.

   He started to reach over to touch, and stopped. "May I?" he asked.

   Mary Lynn nodded.

   Opie put his fingers on her pubic hair, marvelling at the stiffness of
   the small curls. He touched skin, and could feel the mounds
   surrounding the central cleft.

   Mary Lynn moaned, and he stopped, looking back at her face. Her eyes
   were closed, a faint smile on her face.

   His middle finger followed the cleft, sliding down between her legs.
   He felt moisture; a different wet than their still-damp skins. This
   wet was warm, and slippery.

   Mary Lynn lifted her knees slightly, and her legs opened just a bit.
   Opie slid another finger beside the first one, feeling her closed
   lower lips. He slid his fingers back up.

   Mary Lynn gasped as his fingers slid over her clit. Opie almost jerked
   his hand away, but Mary Lynn reached down and held his hand still.

   "Right there," she whispered, huskily. "Touch me right there."

   Opie began to move his middle finger in a small circle over the
   designated spot. He felt a small nub under his finger, and leaned
   forward to look more closely.

   Mary Lynn opened her legs a little wider, and he was able to see
   better now. A trickle of moisture exuded from between the closed lips;
   and now he could see those lips swelling, opening just slightly, just
   like a rosebud.

   "Mmmmm," Mary Lynn moaned. "Oh, Opie, that feels so good..."

   Opie watched interestedly as she rocked her knees back and forth, as
   he continued to stroke her clit. Suddenly, she stopped, and clamped
   her legs together. Her entire body shivered, and she gasped.

   "Are you all right?"

   "Oh!" Mary Lynn breathed, finally. "Oh, my! Yeah, I'm fine, Opie.
   Wonderful, in fact." She sat up and held his hand, gazing into his
   eyes for a moment, before she kissed his lips.

   Opie kissed back, the way he had seen in the movies, his mouth closed.


   Mary Lynn broke the kiss and sat back, looking at him. "Let me make
   you feel that good," she said.

   She pushed him back against the tree trunk. She knelt between his
   legs, and began to stroke his penis with both hands, slowly and
   gently, using her thumbs to stroke his rapidly-expanding cockhead,
   until his body tensed.

   "Oh, God!" Opie gasped.

   His penis seemed to explode. Large white globs shot from the end of
   his cock, to Mary Lynn's surprise and delight. They landed wetly on
   Opie's stomach and chest.

   "That feel good?" Mary Lynn asked.

   "Real good," Opie nodded.

   "It looks like it felt good. I wish I could do that. I just get wet."

   "You've done it before?"

   "Only by myself. I've never had help before." Mary Lynn reached over
   and picked up some leaves, and wiped the globs of semen off of Opie's
   chest and belly.

   Opie looked up at the sky.

   "I'm gonna have to get home," he said. "It's getting late, and there's
   a wedding rehearsal after supper."

   Mary Lynn nodded. "That's right. Your dad's marrying Miss Crump, isn't
   he."

   "Yeah, and if I'm late for supper, Aunt Bee'll skin me."

   "You wanna meet me here again tomorrow?" Mary Lynn murmured, a little
   grin on her face.

   "That sounds real good." Opie leaned forward and kissed her again.
   This time, he felt her lips open, and her tongue touched his lips. His
   tongue slipped out and just touched hers. It felt almost like
   electicity passing between them.

   They scrambled to their feet, and went to their respective piles of
   clothing, and began to get dressed. When they had their clothing back
   on, Opie called, "Tomorrow, then!"

   Mary Lynn waved. "Tomorrow!" She headed the other direction down the
   gravel road toward her house. Opie watched for a moment, then turned
   toward home.

   :::

   Barney nervously glanced at his watch. He unlocked the door to let
   another last-minute customer out. The tellers were clearing their
   drawers, taking them to the counting room.

   He nervously bit at his fingernails as they carried the last boxes and
   drawers into the vault, and fiddled with his keys as the manager
   closed the vault door and spun the lock.

   Barney let the tellers out, and waited for the Manager, who was
   shuffling some papers on his desk.

   Barney cleared his throat. The manager looked up.

   "I'll be a little longer, Fife. You can go."

   "Thanks." Barney said, and headed for the door. He dropped his keys --
   twice -- before he was able to get the right one in the lock. He let
   himself out and locked the door behind him.

   He almost ran back to the "Y", his holster patting his leg with each
   hurried step. He couldn't wait for the elevator, and ran up the steps
   two at a time to the third floor.

   He opened his door, and breathlessly went inside. He took down his
   good charcoal houndstooth suit, and undressed hurredly.

   In his underwear, he suddenly remembered, and went to his dresser. He
   pulled out the top drawer, and set it on his bed. On the back was
   taped a white envelope.

   He pulled off the envelope, and tore it open. He pulled off the seven
   rubber bands that surrounded the paper-covered bundle. He unwrapped
   the paper, and pulled out the MasterCharge card that the bank had
   insisted he apply for when he started working for them.

   He checked the expiration date to make sure it was still good. It was.


   He dressed hurredly, putting the MasterCharge card in his slim wallet.
   He stuffed a few clothes into his battered suitcase: a pair of
   pajamas, a change of underwear and socks, a spare pair of trousers. He
   gathered up his shaving kit and put it into the bag.

   Then he hurried out, heading for the Hotel.

   :::

   The sun began to set in Mayberry, the shadows lengthening as Opie
   Taylor walked up the long drive to the house.

   "Is that you, Opie?" Aunt Bee's voice drifted from the kitchen as he
   closed the front door.

   "Sure is, Aunt Bee. Gee, it smells good in here."

   Opie followed his nose to the kitchen, where Aunt Bee was tending a
   skillet full of frying chicken. He kissed her cheek, and she smiled
   lovingly.

   "It's about time for Pa to get home," Opie said.

   "Set the table for me, Opie." Aunt Bee pointed with her serving fork.

   Opie nodded. He got some plates from the cabinet and began work at the
   table.

   They both heard the gravel crunch as the patrol car pulled up in the
   driveway.

   "Pa's home." Opie said.

   "Chicken's done," Aunt Bee grinned at him.

   "Boy, I tell you, it smells awful goo-ood in here," said Andy, pushing
   open the back door.

   "Let's eat," Aunt Bee smiled.

   :::

   Goober Pyle pulled his tow-truck into the airport loading zone. A tall
   figure was standing facing the terminal, talking to one of the
   skycaps. He was dressed in Marine khakis.

   Goober pressed the horn on the wheel, and the Marine turned. A wide
   grin broke across his face.

   "Hey, Goober!" he shouted.

   "Hey, Gomer!" Goober shouted back.

   Gomer Pyle picked up his duffel and garment bags and stepped up to the
   truck. He tossed the duffel on the back of the truck.

   "Better tie it down," Goober said, handing him a couple of bungee
   cords.

   Gomer tied down the bag. He opened the door to the truck, and put his
   garment bag inside. "Dress uniform," he said, as he climbed into the
   truck.

   Goober put the truck in gear. "We'd better hurry. The wedding
   rehearsal is tonight." He started out the drive, and turned to grin at
   his cousin. "Judy-Judy-Judy," he said, "'member that?"

   Gomer nodded. "Cary Grant. You always could do him good."

   :::

   Barney glanced around the lobby as he entered the front doors. He
   didn't see Thelma Lou, and breathed a sigh of relief. He strode up to
   the desk and asked for a room.

   "Single or Double?" the desk clerk asked.

   "S-s-single." Barney stammered.

   The desk clerk squinted at him. "Single. Of course." He checked his
   rack of keys. "I have a room available. Form of payment?"

   Barney handed over his MasterCard. The clerk picked up the telephone.
   "One moment, sir." He dialed a number, then turned his back on Barney
   as he mumbled into the receiver.

   Barney drummed his fingers on the counter.

   The desk clerk turned back around and smiled. "Very good, sir." He
   embossed Barney's card on a blank credit slip. "Your signature,
   please."

   Barney signed the form.

   The clerk handed him a key, and rang a bell. A bellboy, a teenager
   with a Beatle haircut appeared. "Take this gentleman up to 327."

   The bellboy nodded. He grabbed for Barney's bag, but Barney slapped
   his wrist.

   "I'll carry it," Barney muttered, thinking about how light it felt.

   The bellboy nodded, and led Barney to the elevator.

   :::

   Andy stepped up on the porch of Helen's house, and walked up to the
   front door. He looked through the screen door through the open door,
   and called, "Helen, are you ready?"

   "Just a minute, Andy," Helen called back.

   She soon appeared, pushing a lock of hair back on her face. She opened
   the screen door, and Andy scooped her up in his arms.

   Their lips met, a warm kiss shared between them. Helen's lips parted,
   Andy's tongue slipping between them, touching the tip of her tongue,
   which pressed back against his.

   "Mmmmmpht" Helen moaned, breaking the kiss. "We'll be late for the
   rehearsal."

   Andy escorted her to the car, opening the passenger side door of the
   squad car. She climbed in, and he closed the door, then jogged around
   the front of the car and slid into the driver's seat. He pulled the
   car out of her drive onto the street.

   He turned and grinned at her. "Lights and siren?"

   Helen shook her head, smiling. "We're not that late."

   The squad car pulled slowly down the street, as Helen moved over on
   the front seat to lay her head on Andy's shoulder.

   :::

   Barney adjusted his tie in the glass door outside the restaurant, then
   glanced at his watch again. He turned again to scan the lobby
   nervously, then turned his attention to the front door of the hotel.

   The elevator door opened quietly behind him.

   The hand on his shoulder startled him. He jumped and spun, warily.

   Thelma Lou laughed. "Same old Barney."

   "Never sneak up on me, Thelma Lou. My hands are registered as lethal
   weapons."

   Thelma Lou smiled and nodded. "I've been looking forward to dinner,
   Barney."

   "I have, too." Barney mumbled. He extended his elbow, and Thelma Lou
   took his arm. They walked into the restaurant.

   :::

   The wedding rehearsal was running smoothly. Opie stood beside his
   father as best man, Helen walked up the aisle with her father, who had
   come in from Asheville for the occasion.

   "Now, at this point," the pastor said, glancing at a small notepad, we
   would have a song..."

   "I love you truly..." a deep baritone voice sang from the balcony.
   Andy turned around and looked up. Standing in the balcony was Gomer
   Pyle.

   Gomer continued to sing, but raised his hand in a friendly wave.

   The pastor nodded as Gomer finished his song. He looked up into the
   balcony and said, "Good to have you home, Gomer. We've missed that
   voice in the choir."

   "Well, gol-lee!"

   The pastor turned back to his notes. "Then we have the vows. Do you
   want to go through them?"

   Andy gazed into Helen's eyes as he said, "I have them memorized,
   Bill."

   Helen blushed.

   "Then I think we're finished with the rehearsal." The pastor closed
   his bible.

   "Don't we get to close with a kiss?" Andy asked.

   The pastor smiled. "I don't get to tell you to kiss until the real
   ceremony," he said. Then lowering his voice, he said, "but it won't
   hurt anything."

   Andy grinned, then gathered up Helen in his arms for a long smooch.

   "Ahem," said the pastor after a moment, "A-HEM!"

   Helen was blushing as they broke the kiss.

   "Wow!" Opie muttered.

   :::

   Barney and Thelma Lou ate quietly, Barney glancing up every once in a
   while, to see Thelma Lou gazing thoughtfully at him. He would smile,
   and turn nervously back to his meal.

   As they finished, Barney leaned back in his chair.

   Thelma Lou reached over and grabbed his hand. She leaned forward and
   whispered, "Now, how about dessert?"

   Barney shook his head. "I'm stuffed."

   She squeezed his hand as she smiled, and said, "I wasn't talking about
   food."

   Barney gulped, nervously.

   :::

   Andy drove Helen back to her house. He jumped out of his side of the
   car, and walked around to open her door. She stood up, and he wrapped
   his arms around her.

   "Now that we've rehearsed the wedding, can we rehearse the wedding
   night?" he asked.

   Helen feigned shock. "Andy!" she said softly. Then she smiled, and
   batted her eyes. "Why, what would the neighbors think?"

   "They'd be jealous," Andy grinned back, pulling her close.

   He kissed her, the kiss becoming more passionate, their tongues trying
   to switch mouths.

   Helen broke the kiss. "If we go much further, we'd better go inside,"
   she whispered. "We don't want to create a public spectacle."

   Andy closed the car door, and they walked together to Helen's front
   door, and on inside.

   :::

   Barney led Thelma Lou to his hotel room door. He fumbled in his pocket
   a moment for his key, dropped it twice on the floor, and finally
   inserted it into the door.

   He turned the key, but the door didn't open.

   He shook the key in the slot, and turned it again. The door still
   didn't open.

   Thelma Lou reached down and turned the doorknob.

   The door swung open.

   Thelma Lou glanced up at him with a soft smile, and walked into the
   room.

   Barney tried to pull out the key, then turned it in the lock, and
   pulled it out. He followed Thelma Lou into the room, and closed the
   door.

   In the dim light coming in through the window, he reached for the
   light switch. He felt Thelma Lou's warm hand close over his, stopping
   him.

   "No," she whispered. "Leave it off."

   Her breath was warm on his cheek; she was standing very close to him.
   He could feel the warmth of her body -- then she pressed close to him,
   wrapping her arms around his thin frame.

   Nervously, he returned her embrace. Their lips sought each other, and
   locked into a deep kiss, Thelma Lou's tongue forcing its way into
   Barney's mouth.

   Barney could feel the soft flesh of her breasts pressed into his
   chest, her hips pressing forward against his enlarging penis.

   He started to turn, to hold his hard-on away from her, but she gripped
   him tighter, pressing her hips harder against him.

   She broke the kiss, finally, and whispered in his ear, "Oh, Barney,
   I've waited so long..."

   Thelma Lou kissed his neck, and placed a hand against Barney's chest,
   pushing herself back. She quickly unbuttoned the front of her dress,
   slipping it down over her shoulders so that it dropped to the floor.

   In the dim light, Barney could see that she was wearing a bra and a
   half-slip. He felt his penis surge, pushing hard against his pants.

   With a small smile, she reached behind her and unhooked her bra, and
   shrugged out of it, freeing her smallish, white breasts.

   She reached forward, and unbuttoned Barney's shirt, slipping her hands
   inside to stroke his smooth chest. She kissed his lips again, her
   tongue tracing the roof of his mouth.

   Barney's hands found her nipples, taking each one between a thumb and
   forefinger, they became hard as pencil erasers under his touch.

   She pushed back again, and whispered, "Take it off, Barney, take it
   all off."

   He started fumbling with his clothing, taking off his jacket and
   shirt. He glanced up to see Thelma Lou step back and turn around,
   slowly pushing her slip and panties down over her smooth, white
   backside.

   He paused in his undressing as he saw the cleft of her ass. She kicked
   her feet out of her clothes and shoes, and turned, completely naked in
   front of him.

   With renewed ferver and nervousness, Barney pulled off his pants and
   shoes, then his undershorts.

   Thelma Lou stepped up and wrapped her fingers around his upright cock.
   "Oh, my!" she whispered, directly into his ear. "Is this all for me?"

   He pulled her close and savored the touch of her naked skin against
   his; how warm, how smooth, how soft...

   Her arms wrapped around him; she pressed her body against his, his
   hard penis and her soft breasts squeezed between their bodies.

   Barney began edging toward the bed, not wishing to break the contact
   between their bodies.

   :::

   Helen sat on the edge of the bed. Andy stood in front of her. She
   reached forward, and grabbed his belt. She pulled him forward, and he
   bent down to kiss her upturned face.

   She began to unfasten his belt, then his trousers. They fell to the
   floor, revealing his white boxer shorts. She fished inside the
   opening, freeing his penis. She wrapped her fingers around it,
   squeezing it gently as she used her thumbs to caress the dark, purple
   head.

   Andy moaned as Helen leaned forward, extending her tongue to touch the
   tip of his cock.

   Her thumbs moved aside as Helen slid her lips over the cockhead, her
   tongue swirling around his mushroom-shaped glans.

   Andy's fingers pushed into her hair, caressing her scalp, as Helen's
   mouth worked its wonders on his penis. He felt a tension building
   within his loins, and reluctantly pushed her head back gently.

   She looked up at his face and smiled softly. Andy bent down and kissed
   her lips tenderly, while he pushed back on her shoulders.

   Helen lay back on the bed.

   Andy gently unbuttoned her dress front, opening it up to reveal the
   pink lace of her slip and bra. Helen shifted from side to side,
   pulling her arms out of the sleeves.

   Andy fumbled with the strap of her slip, but Helen whispered, "Here,
   let me..."

   She pushed him back, and stood up. She pulled the slip up and over her
   head. Then she turned her back on Andy.

   Andy reached up and unhooked her bra. It collapsed forward, and Helen
   held it over her breasts as she turned around. She smiled shyly, then
   let the bra fall away. Her pink-tipped breasts swung free, jiggling
   slightly.

   Andy leaned forward and kissed her lips again.

   Helen pressed herself against him, her hands clasping at his back, her
   hips pressing against Andy's hard-on.

   "Oh, Andy," she whispered, "I love you."

   "And I love you," he whispered back.

   Helen sat back down on the edge of the bed, and Andy pulled off his
   remaining clothing. He knelt down on the floor beside the bed, and
   leaned forward, taking one pink nipple, then the other, between his
   lips, tickling the tips with his tongue. His hands slid down her back,
   to the waistband of her pink panties.

   He pushed them down over her hips, and she shifted again from side to
   side, as he worked them under her, then off her legs.

   Andy gently pushed her backwards, and she lay on her back on the bed.
   Andy put a hand on each of her knees, and pushed them apart, revealing
   the wet, pink slit of her vulva.

   He bent down and ran his tongue around her nether lips, breathing the
   musky scent of her ripeness. His tongue found the swelling of her
   clit, and she gasped softly as he ran his tongue over and around the
   sensitive organ.

   With one hand, he reached up under his chin, and pressed a fingertip
   at the entrance to her pussy. It slid in easily, her excitement and
   readiness for sexual joining evident by her wetness.

   "Oh, gosh..." she gasped. "Andy -- oh!"

   She began to quiver, as Andy's finger worked its way in and out of her
   slippery love-hole, and his tongue worked over her clit.

   Andy felt her breathing increase, then her legs squeezed his head. He
   slowed his tongue movements, to delay -- ever so slightly -- the onset
   of orgasm.

   He pulled back as her legs released their grasp. He rose up, and
   climbed onto the bed, Helen rolling over beside him. Their legs
   tangled as his lips sought hers, their bodies pressing together,
   continually moving until Andy was lying between her thighs, his penis
   at the very entrance to her love-tunnel.

   He raised his head slightly, watching her face as he pressed his hips
   forward, sliding his cock gently into her waiting pussy.

   Her face registered surprise at the feel of his good-sized cock inside
   her.

   "Ooooohhhh," she sighed. "Yes, I think I can live with this for a
   looong time!"

   :::

   Barney and Thelma Lou rolled over on the bed. Thelma Lou ended up on
   top, and she pushed herself up by putting her hands on Barney's
   shoulders.

   She gathered her legs under her, straddling his belly.

   "Pin!" she smiled.

   "I give," Barney smiled back. He reached up and stroked her nipples
   with his fingertips. She leaned back, thrusting her chest forward to
   let him have a better touch.

   Then she leaned forward, and slid her hips down his body, until the
   knobbed tip of his cock touched the entrance to her tunnel of love.

   "Mmmmmm," Barney moaned, struggling to push his hips up. Thelma Lou's
   weight was on his hips, though, so he could not move.

   "Say please," Thelma Lou teased.

   "P-p-please," Barney whispered.

   "Louder."

   "P-P-PLEASE!"

   With a single motion, she slid down over his cock, taking its full
   length inside her. She squeezed with her vagainal muscles around the
   base of his penis, holding him inside her.

   She closed her eyes, enjoying the full feeling having his penis inside
   her. Barney was breathing heavily. She looked down into his face; his
   eyes were closed, a broad smile on his thin face.

   Thelma Lou began to move her hips slowly, moving his penis in and out
   of her wet love-hole, as Barney breathed heavier and heavier. Then she
   heard him hold his breath.

   She stopped moving, trying to hold him at the verge of orgasm.

   Barney breathed again, without shooting his wad. Thelma Lou began
   moving again, rubbing her clit against the base of his cock on each
   small stroke. She felt herself nearing the big 'o', so she slowed her
   movements up-and-down, and concentrated on the little circles.

   Barney held his breath again.

   Almost... yes... almost there... just... yes.... Thelma Lou's movement
   slowed to a mere quiver.

   Thelma Lou felt herself shake, as the vibrations began deep inside
   her. Her vagina clamped down around Barney's penis, which began to
   jerk and explode within her.

   They climaxed together, clasping their bodies together, collapsing
   together into a mass of melted jell-o.

   :::

   Opie glanced into his father's bedroom. "Pa?"

   The sheriff still hadn't come home from the rehearsal. Opie slipped
   into the room, heading for the bottom right drawer of Andy's dresser.
   He pulled the drawer out, and looked under the black sock in the back
   of the drawer. There was a slim, green-covered book. Opie pulled it
   out, replaced the socks, closed the drawer quietly, and went back to
   his room.

   :::

   Andy lay in Helen's bed, his arm around Helen's naked body, her head
   resting on his chest.

   "Strange," he thought, "what memories flood back at you, and when they
   happen to do it."

   He had been thinking about other nights, other women, comparing the
   experience.

   He thought about those hot summer nights years back with Ellie Walker,
   the head-jobs she performed so expertly in the back of the squad car.
   He thought of that little Darling girl, who lured him out to the barn
   and gave him a literal roll in the hay. He thought of Juanita, who --
   in her desparation after Barney moved away -- had tried to fuck him in
   the kitchen of the Diner.

   And he thought about his first wife -- Opie's Ma.

   None of his memories was as sweet as this night, lying here with the
   woman he'd spend the rest of his life with.

   Helen moaned softly, shifting position.

   He patted her head, and kissed her forehead softly. "Yes indeed," he
   thought, "the rest of my life."


                               TO BE CONTINUED
                                  IN PART 2



