
PORNO TV: "The Dark and Stormy Night"

------------------------------------------------------------------------
This story is another pastiche (like the "Twilight Zone" parody) of
multiple television shows.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

The storm raging outside was a doozy. Large flashes of lightning,
followed closely by loud clashes of thunder, accompanied by sheets of
rain.

Mike stood at the window, looking outside. He shook his head in
wonderment. "Heck of a storm," he muttered.

He sat down in the easy chair, threw the handle forward that extended the
footrest, and picked up the remote control for the television.

He clicked on the set, just as a gigantic bolt of lightning illuminated
the room.

"Herman Munster," Lily said, arching her eyebrow. "When they made you,
they broke the mold."

"The Doctor always was a butterfingers," Herman grinned.

Lily reached over and pressed her hand on Herman's groin. "But then, some
of your parts are extra-large, and that makes up for it."

Mike blinked. Did she really say that? He looked at the show; it looked
like a normal "Munsters" episode, shot in black-and-white, with Fred
Gwynn and Yvonne DeCarlo.

"What say we go upstairs," Herman said, a half-smile on his face, "and
hook up the old electrodes."

"Oooh, I love it when you talk dirty," Lily leered.

The camera followed them up the stairs and into their bedroom.

Lily unfastened something behind her, and her dress fell away, revealing
dark-nippled breasts, firm and inviting.

Mike's mouth dropped open as he watched.

Lily slid over to Herman, and unfastened his trousers. They dropped down,
revealing a flaccid, but unhumanly large, male organ. Lily moved around
to the bed, while Herman removed the rest of his clothing.

Herman climbed up on the bed, and Lily opened a small door on the
headboard. She turned a knob, and a pair of cables, looking like a car's
jumper cables, lowered from the ceiling.

Lily hooked one clamp to each of the bolts on each side of Herman's neck.
Then she returned to the headboard and turned a large wheel.

Electricity flowed through the cables, and the camera focused in on
Herman's huge cock, as it began to rise to full, upright erection.

Mike's wife, Carol, stepped up behind his chair. "What are you watching?"

"I'm not quite sure," Mike said, honestly. I thought it was an old
episode of 'The Munsters', but now..."

"Oh...my...gosh!" Carol said, her mouth dropping open. "Is that what I
think it is?"

Mike nodded.

Carol slid around and sat on the arm of Mike's chair, her eyes riveted to
the screen.

Lily climbed up on the bed and straddled Herman's body. She lifted
herself up, and positioned the head of his huge appendage at the opening
between her legs.

Slowly, she sank onto the shaft, a look of joy on her face as she took
his full length -- and breadth -- inside her.

She began to move up and down, slowly. The camera moved around to the
foot of the bed, and zoomed in, to show a close-up of Lily's lower lips,
and Herman's cock sliding into and out of her well-lubricated hole.

Carol gasped, one hand on her chest. "What kind of stuff are they putting
on television these days?!"

She snatched the remote control out of Mike's hand. She pressed the
channel button.

"Mr. Mannix's office," the lovely black woman answered the phone. There
was a pause as she listened, then said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Mannix is out of
the office right now. Let me take your name and ... hello? Hello?"

She hung up the phone and looked up. "I guess I don't lie convincingly."

The camera pulled back. Peggy was sitting in her chair, completely
naked... and her boss, Joe Mannix, was equally naked, sitting on her
desk, his legs spread, an urgent-looking erection sticking up in front of
Peggy's face. She returned to her 'labor', licking and sucking on
Mannix's penis.

"Oh gosh..." Carol gasped. She extended the remote... click.

"Doc! Doc!"

The cowboy burst through the swinging doors of the Longbranch Saloon. Doc
Adams looked up from his dinner plate, and dabbed at his mouth with his
napkin.

"What is it?" Doc asked.

"It's Marshall Dillon! He's been shot!"

"Again?" Doc pushed his chair back. He turned toward the bar. "Sam, my
bag?"

Sam reached under the counter and pulled out a black bag. Doc stepped
over and grabbed it, then headed for the swinging doors. He stopped and
stepped aside, as two men carried in Matt Dillon's large, limp body.

Kitty Russell appeared at the top of the stairs, pulling a thin shawl
around her shoulders. "Bring him up here," she commanded.

"This looks normal," Mike commented.

Carol nodded.

Doc followed the two men carrying Matt up the stairs. Miss Kitty opened a
door, and they carried him inside. Doc and Kitty followed. The camera
remained outside the door, until the two "carriers" emerged, and the door
closed.

Inside the room, Matt opened his eyes. He looked left and right. "Is the
coast clear?"

Miss Kitty nodded.

Matt sat up on the bed. "Then let's get started."

Miss Kitty nodded again. She turned her back on the two men, and started
unbuttoning her clothing.

Matt and Doc glanced at each other, then began to get undressed, too.

"You're kidding," Carol said, softly. She pressed the key on the remote.

"Very well, Jeannie," the fellow in the Air Force uniform said. "I'll
allow you to grant yourself one wish."

The blonde girl in the blue harem outfit and long pony-tail blinked.

Captain Nelson looked down at himself. He was naked.

"Now, THAT's the way I've wanted you for a long time, Master," Jeannie
grinned.

"Oh, crap..." ...click...

"Ricky, we've got to do something about that problem of yours," the tall
boy said.

"What are you talking about?" Ricky asked, frowning.

"The fact that you're still a virgin," grinned the tall boy again.

"Yeah," a boy on the other side of the lunchroom table chimed in.
"Y'know, I know about this cathouse on the other side of the railroad
tracks..."

"I know the place," the tall boy nodded. "And that's a good idea, Gary."

Gary grinned at Ricky, who blushed.

"But what am I going to tell Mom and Dad?" Ricky whined.

"Just tell Ozzie that you're going cruising with us. That'll handle it."

The laugh track howled, and a commercial began.

"What is going on?!" Carol gasped. "All the channels are showing this
stiff... er, stuff!"

Mike shook his head. "I don't know. At least the kids are asleep and not
watching television tonight."

Carol handed Mike the remote. "I'm going to read."

"Wait, Carol," Mike pleaded. "This could be fun, if we do it right."

He reached over and flipped off the lights. Now the room was illuminated
only by the flickering of the television. He reached out and took Carol's
hand, and pulled her into his lap.

Mike tugged her face toward his, and his lips met hers. His hand drifted
over her body, finding her breast.

After a moment, Carol broke the kiss. "I think I know what you mean."

The commercial for Tro-Jens condoms concluded, and the show continued.

"Is this it, Harry?" Ricky asked. "It looks a little run-down."

"Of course it looks run-down," Harry grinned. "Hell, it's a whore house!
They got better things to do than keep mowing the yard!"

Gary leaned over the back of the front seat. "Come on, fellas. Let's go
get LAID!"

The three boys climbed out of the car, and walked up to the front door.

"Are we s'posed to knock?" Ricky asked.

"Naa," Harry said, reaching for the doorknob. "You just go on inside. You
don't want to wait around outside where somebody might see you."

Harry opened the door and they stepped inside. Ricky looked quickly
around the foyer. There was a counter, and a few moments later, an
old-looking lady appeared through a curtained doorway and stood behind
the counter.

"May I help you boys?"

"Yeah," Harry said. "We're here to get laid."

A small smile hovered momentarily on the lady's painted lips. "You have
money, kid?"

Harry and Gary dug in their pockets. "We're paying for him, too," Harry
gestured toward Ricky. "It's his first time."

The smile hovered again. "It's twenty apiece, boys." She winked at Ricky.
"And we've got something special for first-timers."

The two boys piled sixty dollars on the counter. The lady slowly counted
the cash, and it disappeared under the counter.

"Come this way, boys," she said, and guided them through a curtained
doorway into a dark hallway. She pushed Harry through one doorway, and
Gary through another. She put Ricky in the last room.

"Take off your clothes, kid," she smiled and winked. "And make yourself
comfortable."

Mike slowly unbuttoned his wife's dress as they kissed. He slipped his
hand inside the opening, moving it around to her back, where he unhooked
her bra. Loose now, he pushed the cups away from her firm breasts. The
nipples were already hard to his touch.

The remote control fell to the floor, the impact causing the device to
change the channel on the television.

"Oh, Baby," Herman moaned. "Turn up the juice!"

Lily leaned forward, not letting Herman's huge cock escape from her. She
turned the wheel, and a lighted needle registered the increase in
current.

Herman's body began to quiver.

Lily resumed her up-and-down movement, gliding on his cock as it filled
her entirely.

The camera focused in on Herman's testicles, pulsing and tightening.

Lily moaned in ecstasy as an orgasm swept over her. She threw back her
head, throwing her long black hair back. Herman's hands reached up, and
his fingers grasped at Lily's nipples.

Smoke began to drift from the dial. There was a shower of sparks, and
Herman's body tensed, his back arching, driving his huge cock deep into
Lily's cunt.

Long, blue flashes of electrical sparking flowed around the two ecstatic
bodies, as they writhed together on the bed.

Lily's long hair begain to levitate, rising straight up, the white streak
curling, forming a lightning-bolt shape in the darkness of her hair. Lily
hissed, throwing her head back, thrusting her chest forward, her sizable
breasts bobbing, a spark of electricity arcing between her nipples.

With one final burst, the electrodes burned out. Lily collapsed on top of
her husband. The room filled with smoke.

Mike and Carol stared at the screen a moment, then Mike reached down and
retrieved the remote. He pushed the channel switch.

Peggy was bent over her desk, and Joe Mannix was driving his manhood deep
inside Peggy's pussy from behind. He pulled back, and grasping his cock,
he pointed it toward Peggy's puckered asshole.

"Oh, Joe," Peggy gasped. "Oh, no, Joe! Oh! Oh!"

Mannix's cock started sliding into her ass, and Peggy took a deep breath.
She started to press back against him, taking his cock into her
coal-chute.

With one hand, Mike pushed down the waistband of Carol's panties, his
fingers strolling through her curly, blonde pubic hair.

With the other, he pushed the channel button on the remote.

Miss Kitty knelt on all fours on the bed. Her mouth was full of Matt
Dillon, while Doc Adams knelt behind her, his cock probing her vagina.

"Remember, Doc," Dillon muttered. "You promised not to shoot inside
her..."

Doc nodded. "Just gettin' her warmed up for you, Matt. It's like throwing
a frankfurter down the hallway."

Kitty lifted her head and turned her face toward Doc. "I heard that. You
think I'm deaf?"

"Sorry, dear," Doc said. "It's just the juxtaposition of the situation.
I'm certainly not built as big as the Marshall."

"No, you're not," Kitty agreed. "Just keep pokin', Doc."

She turned back to Dillon's sizable organ. She held it with one hand, and
licked the purple head, diddling his pisshole with the tip of her tongue.

"Damn," Matt muttered. "Keep that up, Kitty, and you'll get a face full."

Kitty smiled as she took his cock deep into her mouth.

"I think it's time to swap, Doc," Matt grinned.

The Doctor nodded. He backed away, his slim penis coated wetly with
Kitty's secretions. The Marshall moved around behind Kitty, and stroked
her white-skinned ass.

"Just get that thing in me," Kitty puffed.

"Don't rush me, Kitty," Dillon grinned. He guided his cock to the
entrance to her pussy, and rubbed the head up and down her wet slit.
Then, with one thrust, he entered her.

"Mmmmm," Kitty moaned. "Oh, yes..."

Doc Adams moved around in front of Kitty, and held his erection before
her face. She glanced up at him, then took his cockhead between her lips.

Dillon began to stroke, each thrust pushing Kitty forward, forcing Doc's
penis further into Kitty's mouth.

"Oh God," the Doctor moaned. "I'd rather fuck your mouth than your cunt,"
he whispered.

"That's because you fit better up there," Matt grinned.

Doc nodded, his eyes closed. He moaned again, as he climaxed.

Kitty sucked on his cockhead as he came, collecting his come in her
mouth.

Doc sat backward, his penis rapidly deflating. Kitty made a show of
swallowing, and smiled up at Doc.

Matt continued his slow strokes, as Doc climbed off the bed and began to
dress.

"I'd better go downstairs and report on your gunshot wound," Doc said.

Matt nodded, not breaking his rhythm.

When he finished dressing, Doc cracked open the door and peeked outside.
He made sure the hallway was empty, then slipped out the door.

Kitty pushed forward, pulling Matt's cock from her cunt. She rolled over
onto her back, raising her knees. Matt climbed on top of her, sliding his
huge cock into her again.

Kitty wrapped her legs around his, her heels behind his knees.

"Fuck me, Matt!" she breathed.

Matt's motions sped up. He began pumping more rapidly, as Kitty's breath
deepened -- until she held it as her pussy squeezed Matt's cock.

The extra friction was all Matt needed, and he began to come, joining
Kitty's orgasm.

Mike's fingers slid down into Carol's pussy, which despite her
protestations about the fare on television, was quite wet. He rolled a
fingertip over her clit, distended and warm to his touch.

She turned her face to his to be kissed. As his lips touched hers, her
tongue slid out, brushing his lips before he opened his mouth to receive
it.

His other hand clenched the remote, and the channel changed.

Jeannie grinned at the naked astronaut. "Master, may I make one more
wish?"

Flustered with his sudden nakedness, Tony nodded.

Jeannie blinked.

Tony blinked too, as Jeannie's clothing disappeared, and the room was
suddenly full of men.

Tony glanced around; all the men were just as naked as he was, and he
couldn't help but notice that all of them were sexually aroused. He
glanced down. By golly, he was, too.

It dawned on him that all the men's faces were familiar -- very familiar.

"J-J-Jeannie?" he stammered.

Jeannie smiled broadly, and stepped forward, taking her Master in her
arms.

"Yes," she said softly, "They're all you. Fifty of them."

"But why?"

"I want to -- what is it they call it these days? Pull a train? I haven't
done it in over 800 years!"

She turned and called out over her shoulder, "Line up boys!"

Then to her Master, she whispered, "And you're first."

She took his hand and led him to a pile of soft pillows. She sank down
onto the pillows, lay back, and spread her legs. The pink lips of her
vulva glistened with moisture, and her vagina gaped open.

Mike's finger slid into Carol's pussy, and she moaned into his mouth.

She shifted her hips, and put a hand onto the growing lump in Mike's lap,
kneading his cock through his pants.

Breaking the kiss, she whispered, "Aren't your pants a little tight?"

"They are now," Mike nodded.

Carol slipped out of Mike's lap, and Mike stood up and stripped off his
trousers quickly. His fully erect cock stood forward from his body.

Carol gazed at it, her head shaking gently from side to side. "It always
amazes me," she whispered. She touched it softly, and it jumped in her
hand.

Mike sat back down, and Carol crawled back into his lap, wrapping one
hand around his erection. Mike's fingers searched for -- and found -- her
pussy again, as their lips joined again in a deep, searching kiss.

Jeannie reached up for Tony's hand, and pulled him on top of her. She
reached down, grasped his erection, and guided it into her.

"Oh, Master," she sighed. "That feels so good!"

Tony began to move his hips, stroking his long, thick cock into her
honey-coated pussy. Jeannie's hands stroked his back, her nails raking
his skin.

His breathing quickened. Jeannie reached down, grasping his asscheeks
with her fingers. As his buns tightened under her touch, she pulled him
tighter, deeper, and he exploded inside her, his mind a blur of passion.

She held him tightly for a moment, then urged him to roll over and off of
her.

"Now stay there and watch," she whispered. "Any time you want, you can
cut into line."

Then louder, she said, "Next!" and another Tony Nelson slid between her
thighs.

"This is an odd sensation," Tony thought, "watching myself screw..."

As the doppelganger began to pump her pussy, Jeannie glanced over to Tony
and smiled. She blinked, and Tony's mind filled with the sensation of
being inside her again... he was actually watching himself fuck Jeannie
-- and he was feeling it, too!

He felt "himself" reach the point of no return, and watched as the
duplicate Tony's body tightened, as it reached orgasm, and felt the
orgasm, and Jeannie's vagina squeeze his cock as he withdrew it.

The duplicate Tony rolled over to the far side of Jeannie's body, and
suddenly vanished. Jeannie glanced over at Tony, grinned, and called out
"Next!" and another Tony Nelson climbed over her body. The 'real' Tony
felt his cock in the firm grip of Jeannie's pussy, sharing the sensations
of the doppelganger.

Carol's fingers gently stroked up and down Mike's iron-hard cock, as his
fingers probed her wet and slippery pussy. Their lips were joined in a
deep kiss, sharing even their breath as their tongues slid around each
other.

Carol gasped as Mike's thumb stroked her clit, and her body quivered in
response.

She writhed in his lap, pressing herself into his hand, trying to draw
his fingers deeper inside her.

Mike knocked the remote from the arm of the easy chair, and the channel
on the television jumped.

Ricky Nelson sat on the edge of the bed, naked, his penis erect and
pounding with the beat of his heart. He looked down at it, quivering and
red, the tip glistening with a drop of precum. He was tempted to beat
himself off, but remembered where he was -- and what was about to happen
to him.

He heard the rustle of a drapery, and a soft voice behind him said in a
husky tone, "I understand this is your first time."

Ricky closed his eyes. The voice was somehow -- familiar.

He opened his eyes again and turned to face the woman.

"Oh my gosh," she gasped. "Ricky!"

"Mom?"

They gazed at each other a long moment. Harriet Nelson was dressed in a
sheer lace robe, through which Ricky could see the darkness of her
nipples and below, the curly hair of her pubic area.

Harriet smiled. "Well, it's about time you knew the truth," she said.

She walked around the bed and sat down next to Ricky.

"The truth?" Ricky asked.

"You know your father never goes to work," Harriet smiled. "Didn't you
ever wonder where we got our money?"

"I just thought we were independently wealthy."

Harriet laughed, softly, and shook her head. "No, dear, we own this
little business."

"You own the whorehou... I mean..."

Harriet chuckled. "Whorehouse is fine, dear. That's what we do." She
glanced down into Ricky's lap.

"And I think you have a little problem we need to handle."

Ricky gulped. "You mean..."

"Of course," Harriet smiled. She reached over and wrapped her long
fingers around Ricky's penis, which had deflated just a little. "In fact,
if I had realized the equipment you had, we might have eliminated your
problem a little earlier."

Harriet slid off the bed and knelt beside it, edging up between Ricky's
legs. She leaned forward, and her tongue rolled over the head of Ricky's
cock.

Ricky moaned, and Harriet glanced up. She smiled as she saw her son's
eyes close with pleasure. She lowered her face again, sliding her lips
over the head of his penis, drawing it inside her mouth, her tongue
gliding around his cockhead.

She slid one hand under his balls, and felt them tighten under her touch.
She sucked gently on his penis, and Ricky's body responded by gushing a
thick and sticky glob of semen into her mouth.

Harriet sat back, still holding Ricky's cock, until his breathing evened
out again.

"Is that it?" Ricky whispered.

"Hardly," Harriet smiled.

She stood up. She kissed his forehead, pulling him toward her. She
pressed Ricky's face between her breasts.

Ricky turned his head, his mouth seeking a lace-covered nipple.

"Here," Harriet whispered. She stepped back, opened her robe, and dropped
it to the floor.

"Wow," Ricky gasped, gazing at his mother's firm body, her breasts inches
away from him, and the scent of perfume and musk in the air.

Harriet moved closer, and Rick's lips found her nipple. He sucked
hungrily at it, as his arms moved around her body, his fingers tracing
her backbone, down to the crease of her ass.

Harriet smiled as she felt her son's fingers explore her body. She
reached down and guided one hand around to her mons venerus.

Rick ran his fingers through the coarse curls of his mother's pubic hair,
feeling the contours of the skin beneath, finding the beginning point of
her slit.

Harriet adjusted her stance, parting her knees further, so that his
fingers could reach further. Rick's fingers explored her outer lips,
becoming coated with juices from her ripe cunt.

She felt a finger explore further yet, slipping between the labia to the
softness inside.

"Ready?" she whispered.

She stepped back, and pushed Ricky back on the bed. She pulled his feet
up, and rolled him onto the bed. He lay on his back, his renewed erection
hot and throbbing.

Harriet climbed up onto the bed, and straddled his body. He reached up
and caressed her breasts, pinching her erect nipples with his fingers.

She stroked his cock gently, then raised up, and with one hand, guided
his cockhead to the entrance to her vagina.

Ricky gasped as she lowered herself on his cock, until she had him fully
inside her. She sat for a moment without moving.

"Does it feel like you had imagined it?" she asked.

"Better," croaked Ricky. "Oh gosh... much better."

Harriet began to move -- a slow, grinding rotation, raising herself with
her legs, and lowering again, squeezing his cock gently with her vaginal
muscles.

She kept track of his breathing -- when it got heavy, she slowed the
motion until it evened out again. She brought him repeatedly to the brink
of orgasm, then eased off again.

After the fifth time, she leaned forward, wrapped her arms around him,
and rolled them both over, so that now Ricky was on top of her.

Ricky began to stroke, slowly at first, but speeding up, until his body
tensed one last time, and he burst inside her.

He collapsed on her body, and she held him tightly. Carol rolled around
on Mike's lap, pulling his fingers from her pussy.

She climbed around and straddled his hips, her knees pressed into the
back of the chair. Mike slid forward, his raging erection pressed against
her hot, wet cunt.

The den door opened slightly. Carol glanced over, afraid it was one of
the children.

A wet nose pressed against her hand.

"No, Tiger," she hissed. "Not now. No away."

The dog dropped back to the floor, his paw striking the remote control as
he trotted back toward the door.

Carol raised herself up, and Mike reached down to guide his penis into
her pussy. As Carol's cunt enveloped Mike's erection, the television
blared.

"Here's the story, of a lovely lady..."

Carol kissed Mike's forehead. "Here's one show they can't corrupt," Carol
whispered.

"Whose hair was full of golden yellow curls..."

Carol froze. "What?"

"All of them had hair of gold...on their pussies, The youngest one liked
girls."

Carol shook her head. Mike reached up and pulled her face toward his,
kissing her lips. Carol's pussy gripped at his cock.

"It's the story," the television continued, "Of a man named Brady, Who
was busy with three boys of his own, They had cocks of iron, but all were
virgins, Cause they were all alone!"

Carol began to move, a slow motion piston, stroking Mike deep, pulling up
to let just his cockhead remain inside her, and lowering again to take
his full length.

"Till the one day when this lady fucked this fellow And they knew that it
was much more than a hunch That this group sex kept in the family Would
unite the folks they call the Brady Bunch...

Carol closed her eyes, and threw her head back. Her breasts thrust toward
Mike's face, and he nuzzled them tenderly.

The television was strangely quiet. Carol's curiosity got the better of
her. Despite the passion of the moment, she peeked at the screen.

What she saw made her gasp.

"Mike! Look!"

Mike raised his head from Carol's breasts, and he gaped at the screen.

"Oh my gosh," he said, softly. "It's us!"

The television-Carol Brady straddled her husband's body in his easy
chair. She threw her head back, while the television-Mike Brady nuzzled
her breasts.

Carol watched in fascination, but Mike brought her concentration back to
the matter at hand -- or at cunt, anyway. Carol again began her slow up
and down movement, as Mike reached down and tickled her clit with his
fingertips.

"Mike! Look!" the television-Carol Brady shouted.

Carol felt her body stiffen, and a familiar warmth spread through her
groin. She put her hands on Mike's shoulders and leaned forward as her
body approached orgasm, still using her legs to propel her up and down
Mike's insistent shaft.

"Oh! Oh! OhhhhhhhhHHHH!" she cried, her cunt clamping down on Mike's
penis.

"Nuh-hunnnnh!" Mike grunted, driving his cock as deeply as he could into
her as his balls emptied themselves.

A brilliant flash of lightning from the storm outside illuminated the
room.

For a moment, the television screen showed static, then the electricity
failed, and the house was plunged into darkness.

They held each other a moment in the darkness.

Mike finally spoke. "Looks like the sex show's over."

Carol slowly raised herself from Mike's body, her skin glistening in
sweat. She stood up, and took Mike's hand.

"Not necessarily," she grinned. "Let's go upstairs."




...........................................................

All original material ) 1995 All Rights Reserved. No portion of this page
or the stories contained herein may be reposted to the Internet or Usenet
without permission from the author and copyright holder.

