

                            THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW

INTRODUCTION



    Most of this story takes place in the short gap between "The Andy
   Griffith Show" and "Mayberry R.F.D." but if the story conflicts in
   some details with the wedding episode, please forgive me.





The Andy Griffith Show: "Ding! Dong! The Bells Are Gonna Chime" (Part 2)





   Opie pulled his covers over his head and turned on the flashlight. He
   held it shining on the cover of the green book. "Sex Manual" it read
   in tiny black print.

   He turned the pages, looking at the simple line drawings of male and
   female anatomy, reading the description of "sexual congress".

   "Gee," Opie mumbled, "And I thought politics was boring!"

   :::

   Andy got out of bed, reluctantly. He felt around on the floor for his
   clothes in the dark, and started putting them on.

   Helen rolled over on the bed. "Andy?"

   She reached over and turned on the bedside lamp.

   "Where are you going?"

   "I've got to go home," Andy said, softly. He sat on the edge of the
   bed to pull on his socks and shoes. Helen sat up, the covers falling
   away from her soft white breasts.

   "You sure you don't want to stay?"

   "I WANT to stay," Andy grinned. "But Aunt Bee is probably waiting up
   for me. We're not married yet." He leaned over and kissed her.

   :::

   Barney lay awake in the dark, Thelma Lou cuddled up against his side,
   one of her legs bent at the knee over his leg. She snored softly.

   His thoughts were as dark as the night.

   He WANTED to stay here in this moment forever. He loved Thelma Lou
   with all his heart, but he just did not feel worthy of her. He had to
   face the truth, he was just a security guard in a one-branch bank.
   Before he could marry Thelma Lou, he wanted to BE somebody. She
   deserved that.

   A tear formed in his eye, and he brushed it away. "Oh Thelma Lou," he
   thought, "why did you have to come back to me now?"

   :::

   Andy turned off the headlights as he turned into the driveway. No
   point in waking Aunt Bee if he could help it.

   A dark shape moved across the driveway ahead of him. He flashed the
   lights back on and slammed on the brakes.

   Standing, grinning, in the beams of his lights, was Ernest T. Bass.
   Andy could swear he saw Ernest T.'s eyes gleam in the light like a
   deer's.

   He put the car in "park" and opened the door.

   "Ernest T.," he shouted, "What the hell are you doing here?"

   "You're out really late, Sheriff," Ernest T. grinned back at him.
   "Been out with your sweetie?"

   "That's not the point, Ernest T.." Andy got out of the car and walked
   up to him. "I asked you what you were doing here."

   "I wanted to know what song you wanted me to sing at your wedding."

   Andy scowled. "Ernest T., Gomer's going to be singing at the wedding."


   "I could sing, too," Ernest T. whimpered. "No harm in having two
   singers. Besides, I still have lots of rocks."

   "All right, Ernest T.," Andy scowled. "Tell you what. Let's talk to
   Gomer in the morning. Maybe we can work something out."

   "Hoo-ray!" Ernest T. shouted. "I'm gonna sing at your wedding!"

   "Keep it down, Ernest T.," Andy shushed him. "It's late."

   "Oooh, yeah," Ernest T. said, quietly. He started walking out the
   driveway. When he had walked past the patrol car, he turned back to
   Andy.

   "Oh, Sheriff," he said, grinning. "Can I sing at your wedding nekkid?"


   Andy ran after him, but Ernest T. skipped on out to the road,
   cackling.

   Andy got back into the car and drove on to the house. He went in the
   back door quietly, shutting the door softly behind him.

   "Andy, is that you?" Aunt Bee's voice came from the living room.

   "Yes, Aunt Bee."

   "Who were you talking to out there, making all that noise?"

   "Ernest T. Bass," Andy said, walking into the living room.

   Aunt Bee was sitting in her rocking chair. Andy turned on a lamp.
   "Have you been waiting up for me?"

   "No...." Aunt Bee blinked, then smiled shyly. "Well, yes. I wanted to
   talk to you about ... things."

   "What kind of things?" Andy sat on the sofa, leaning forward, his
   elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him.

   "Well... After you and Helen get married, it seems to me that I'd be
   like a fifth wheel around here. You know -- two women in a kitchen is
   one too many."

   Andy nodded. "I understand."

   "You know your cousin Sam -- Sam Jones?"

   "Yeah."

   "He's asked if I could look after his son -- you know his wife died a
   couple of months ago -- as sort of a part-time housekeeper."

   "Part-time?"

   "Sure. I don't want to leave you all alone either."

   Andy took a deep breath. "Aunt Bee, I've been wanting to talk to you
   about this." He breathed deeply again, sighing out the exhale.
   "Helen's been offered this new teaching job."

   "That's wonderful, Andy." Aunt Bee beamed, then suddenly frowned. "You
   don't want her to work?"

   "It's not that. The job's not in Mayberry."

   "Ohh..."

   "I've been thinking, too. Do I want to be Sheriff here forever myself?
   I have to answer that I'm not sure."

   "Andy, you do what you think is best. Don't worry about me. If you
   need to move away from Mayberry, I'm sure Sam will let me move in full
   time."

   The clock chimed on the mantlepiece. Aunt Bee looked up. "Heavens,
   it's three in the morning. I'd better get off to bed before I have to
   get up."

   "Sleep late in the morning," Andy grinned at her.

   She shook her head. "You know I can't sleep after the sun comes up."

   Andy chuckled, as Aunt Bee climbed the stairs. "G'night Aunt Bee."

   "Good night, Andy."

   :::



   The morning sun filtered through the trees on the ridge, and through
   the windows in Opie's room, one particular beam shining directly in
   the sleeping boy's eyes.

   Opie frowned, squinted, and suddenly sat up -- wide awake. It's
   daytime!

   He climbed out of bed and pulled on fresh clothing, then headed for
   the bathroom, where he washed his face and brushed his hair.

   He heard Aunt Bee in the kitchen already, so he went downstairs for
   breakfast.

   :::

   The morning sun was also filtering in the hotel room windows in
   Raleigh.

   Barney shielded his eyes with his free hand, and Thelma Lou stirred
   under his other arm.

   "'Morning," Thelma Lou whispered.

   "'Morning," Barney replied.

   "You know what I've always wanted to do?" Thelma Lou smiled up at him.


   "No, what's that?"

   "I've always wanted to wake up with a former deputy sheriff in my bed,
   and screw his brains out before breakfast."

   "Oh." Barney said, "Oh!"

   Thelma Lou's smile broadened. She reached down and took Barney's penis
   in her hand. It was already half-erect; and was rapidly increasing in
   hardness.

   "Looks like you like the idea," she grinned.

   :::

   The busy-body morning sun streaked through the windows of the
   apartment over the garage at Wally's filling station, poking at the
   eyes of Goober Pyle.

   "MMmmmmph!" he moaned, rolling over.

   A hand reached over, touching Goober's penis. The organ was hard -- a
   morning piss-on.

   "Gol-lee," Gomer said. "Feels like you're ready for another round."

   Goober grinned. "Good to have you home again, Gome."

   :::

   "Slow down," Aunt Bee cautioned. "You eat like that, you'll get sick."


   Opie slowed down -- just a bit.

   "Are you in some kind of hurry this morning?" Aunt Bee asked.

   Opie nodded, his mouth full.

   Andy stepped into the kitchen, in his Sheriff's uniform. "Hi, Ope," he
   said, rubbing his son's hair. He slid up beside Aunt Bee, and pecked
   her cheek. She turned, and handed him a plate, full of breakfast
   goodies -- fried eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits and gravy.

   "Mmmm-mmmm," Andy licked his lips.

   Opie bolted down the last of his milk. "Bye, Pa." He got up from the
   table and made for the door.

   "What's your hurry?" Andy asked, but Opie was already gone.

   "He's been like that all morning," Aunt Bee smiled, pouring Andy a cup
   of Maxwell House.

   :::

   Opie ran up to his room, grabbed the green-covered book, and wrapped
   it in a Captain Marvel comic. He rolled it up and stuck it in his back
   pocket, and dashed down the stairs and out the front door, heading for
   the swimming hole.

   :::

   Thelma Lou straddled Barney's hips, impaled on his long, thin cock.
   She moved slowly, up and down, using her legs for leverage, her hands
   resting on her thighs.

   Barney's hands were on her smallish breasts, pinching the taut
   nipples, massaging the soft tissue.

   Thelma Lou threw her head back, and gasped, "Oh gosh...!"

   Her pussy clamped around Barney's penis as she climaxed, the
   vibrations from her abdomen shaking her body.

   She collapsed forward, and Barney embraced her, holding her tightly,
   as he rolled them both over, so that Thelma Lou was on her back. She
   wrapped her legs around his hips, holding him still inside her as her
   body still felt the contractions of her orgasm.

   As the shuddering subsided, Thelma Lou relaxed her hold on Barney, so
   that he was able to begin long, slow pelvic thrusts, pushing his hard
   rod deeply inside her.

   He was able to hold back no more; he exploded inside her, pushing
   deeply inside as he ejaculated.

   Thelma Lou clung tightly to him as he lay over her, then rolled them
   both over to their sides, still joined at the crotch.

   It took several minutes for them to catch their breath.

   :::

   Opie hurried along the dirt road.

   As he neared the swimming hole, he listened carefully. He heard
   splashing, then distinctively male voices.

   "Oh, sh... drat!" he muttered.

   He walked through the tall grass and into the trees that surrounded
   and shaded the swimming hole. There were three boys in the water, who
   turned and greeted him.

   "Hey, Henry. Hey, Donny. Hey, Anson." Opie waved.

   "You coming swimming?"

   "Nah," Opie shook his head. "I was just passing by and heard you in
   here."

   "Aw, come on," Henry stood up in the water. "C'mon in."

   "I got things to do," Opie said. "Maybe later."

   He walked around the pool of water, and headed for the road on the
   other side.

   "I hope I'll catch Mary Lynn before she gets to the swimmin' hole,"
   Opie muttered to himself as he walked down the dirt road.

   :::

   Andy whistled as he parked the squad car in front of the courthouse.
   He got out of the car and walked around the front, heading for the
   courthouse door.

   He looked down at his keyring, searching for the door key, when his
   eyes were covered from behind.

   "Guess who?" a female voice said, softly.

   "Hang on just a minute," Andy said, thinking. He had smelled that
   cologne before... it was right at the end of his tongue....

   "Ellie?" he asked.

   "See?" she said. "I told you he'd guess."

   She removed her hands from his eyes, and he turned. It WAS Ellie
   Walker, the former druggist -- and girlfriend.

   "Ellie, what are you doing back in town?"

   "You think you could get married without me knowing about it?" She
   grinned at him.

   "I was just thinking about you last night," Andy said.

   "Something about squad cars, I'll bet," Ellie whispered.

   Andy blushed.

   "I thought so," Ellie whispered, then in her full voice, she said "I
   think you should meet Joey."

   A man stepped up beside Ellie and extended his hand. Andy shook it.

   "Joey Branch," the fellow said. "I'm Ellie's husband."

   Andy shook his hand harder. "Pleased to meet you," he grinned. "You
   want to come in and set a spell?"

   "No, we've got people to see and places to go," Ellie smiled.

   "Come back and see us then," Andy said.

   "At the wedding if not before," Ellie nodded. They turned and walked
   hand-in-hand down the street.

   Andy watched them for a moment, then unlocked the door to the
   courthouse, and stepped into the cool darkness inside.

   :::

   Opie's heart skipped a beat as he rounded a bend in the road, and
   spotted Mary Lynn heading in his direction. He saw her lift her head,
   and she saw him and waved.

   As they got closer, Opie said, "There's a bunch of guys at the
   swimmin' hole."

   Mary Lynn cocked her head. "That presents some interesting
   possibilities," she smiled.

   "I thought it was just you and me," Opie gulped.

   Mary Lynn smiled at him. "It was just a thought. If we don't go there,
   where could we go?"

   "I think I know a place," Opie said. He reached out and took Mary
   Lynn's hand. She allowed him to hold it, as they walked together back
   towards the woods.

   :::

   Andy leaned back in the chair, and put his hands behind his head.

   When the front door opened suddenly, he nearly fell out of the chair.

   "Ernest T.!" he gasped.

   "It's me it's me, It's Ernest T.!" Ernest T. giggled. "And I'm a-gonna
   sing at your weddin'!"

   Ernest T. slammed the door. Andy heard his high-pitched giggle as he
   ran down the street.

   :::

   Goober rolled over on the bed, and held his ass high. "Your turn now,
   Gome."

   Gomer moved up behind him, his long, slim cock rock-hard, and poised
   at the opening to Goober's rectum. "Like they say," he grinned, "we're
   always looking for a few good men."

   Goober gasped as Gomer's penis entered his asshole, pressing against
   his prostate.

   A shadow passed by the window.

   "What was that?" Goober gasped.

   "Just my cock," Gomer said. "Nothing more."

   "No... outside the window?"

   "Goober, we're on the second floor. Who could be outside the window?"
   Gomer withdrew his cock from Goober's asshole, and climbed off the
   bed. He walked over to the window and looked out. "I don't see
   any...."

   Gomer suddenly threw the window open. "I see you, Ernest T. Bass!"

   "Hee hee hee" Ernest T. giggled, sitting on a branch of a tree outside
   the window. "And I see you too, Mr. Gomer Pyle. And I seen Goober,
   too."

   "So what?"

   "So you're gonna let me sing at Sheriff Taylor's weddin', or I'm gonna
   tell ever'body in town that you two is queer."

   Gomer closed his eyes and sighed. "All right, Ernest T., get your ass
   in here."

   "Not yet," Ernest T. giggled.

   "What do you mean 'not yet'?"

   "Not till you put that weapon away," Ernest T. giggled, pointing at
   Gomer's cock.

   Gomer looked down, then fished around on the floor for his trousers.
   He slipped them on, and zipped them up.

   "NOW get your ass in here!"

   "All right." Ernest T. shimmied down the tree. He muttered, "Mr. Gomer
   Queer... Mr. Gomer Pyle of shit..."

   "I heard that," Gomer hollered down at him.

   Ernest T. winced.

   :::

   Opie and Mary Lynn moved between the trees, deeper into the woods.
   There ahead of them were three trees, closely spaced. As she looked
   closer, Mary Lynn could see that on the other side of the trees, some
   boards had been nailed to the tree, to form a makeshift ladder.

   She looked further up, and about twenty feet above the ground, she saw
   two wooden platforms, with tattered, grey blankets hung between them
   as walls.

   "It's my treehouse," Opie said, proudly. "I built it a couple of years
   ago."

   Mary Lynn smiled. "Just right," she said.

   Opie climbed up first, and brushed away some spider's webs and dust.
   He propped open a hinged door in the roof, which formed a 'skylight',
   letting air and light inside the blanket-covered walls. Then he pulled
   the comic-covered book out of his pocket and tossed it inside. He
   climbed back down and helped Mary Lynn climb up.

   As he followed Mary Lynn up the ladder, he couldn't help but look up
   between Mary Lynn's shorts-clad legs, remembering the treasures that
   lay under that thin fabric. He felt a familiar bulge begin to build in
   his own pants.



   The treehouse was more sturdy -- and larger -- than it looked. On the
   inside, the seemingly thin walls of old army blankets were reinforced
   with boards nailed to the trees.

   "We used to play war out here," Opie explained. "Some of the guys
   almost fell out before we put the boards up. And they deflect dirt
   clods, too."

   "Dirt clods?"

   "We weren't allowed to throw rocks."

   "Oh."

   They sat together on the floor of the treehouse, just looking at each
   other for a long, silent moment.

   Finally, Mary Lynn leaned forward, and kissed Opie's lips. He felt her
   tongue press against his mouth, and parted his lips. Their tongues
   met, an electricity flowing between them.

   Opie broke the kiss after a moment, and said, "How come they don't
   kiss like that in the movies?"

   "They do," Mary Lynn grinned. "It all depends on what seat you're in."


   She laughed at the puzzled look on his face. "It's a joke. Some people
   kiss in the movie theater."

   "Oh. Yeah. I knew that." Opie blushed.

   :::

   Thelma Lou had dozed off. She snored softly in Barney's ear.

   Barney felt his flaccid penis slide out of Thelma Lou's soaked and
   slippery pussy.

   He lay still, holding her close, but his mind was racing. Did he
   really deserve her? Could he actually propose to her?

   He closed his eyes, and caught himself before he moaned. So many
   things to think about...

   :::

   "Can't we get a little more comfortable?" Mary Lynn asked.

   Opie nodded. They moved over the small floor to lean up against one of
   the three trees that supported the treehouse.

   Opie sat with his back against the tree, and Mary Lynn sat in front of
   him, leaning back against him. Mary Lynn grabbed his hands, and placed
   them on her breasts.

   He took the none-too-subtle hint, and began to massage her breasts,
   paying special attention to her hardening nipples. She had worn no bra
   today, just a tee-shirt over her shorts.

   She tilted her head back, and Opie kissed her -- a little clumsily --
   but soon their tongues were sliding against each other as their breath
   deepened.

   Mary Lynn broke the kisses, and leaned forward. She reached down and
   grabbed the hem of her tee-shirt, and tugged it off over her head.
   Opie's hands again found her now-naked breasts, and a soft moan
   escaped Mary Lynn's throat.

   They kissed again. Opie slid a hand down Mary Lynn's belly, over her
   shorts to her crotch. He could feel the heat of her excitement even
   through the fabric.

   He moved his hand back up to the button on her waistband, and fumbled
   with it, one-handedly, until he felt Mary Lynn's hand push his away.
   Mary Lynn unfastened the shorts herself. She grabbed his hand, and
   pushed it into her pants.

   Opie could feel the soft curls of her pubic hair, and explored for the
   slit below. He found her nether lips, and the little bulge of her
   clit. Mary Lynn's sharp intake of breath told him he found the right
   spot.

   Mary Lynn broke the kiss and whispered "Oh, Opie..."

   :::

   Ernest T.'s eyes widened. "You wouldn't..."

   "You bet I would," Gomer said, his eyes narrowing, a trick he had
   learned in the Marines. "Now, sing it again -- the right way -- or
   I'll let Goober have you."

   "He's got the cutest little mouth," Goober chimed in.

   Ernest T. visibly shuddered.

   "I love you tru-ly," Ernest T. sang, waveringly. "Tru-ly, dear..."

   "Louder," Gomer demanded. "Start over!"

   "I love you tru-ly," Ernest T. sang, a little louder. "Tru-ly,
   dear..."

   "Better," Gomer nodded. "But sing from the belly. Let's start again."

   :::

   Mary Lynn stood up, and pushed her shorts over her hips, dropping them
   to the floor. Opie smiled as he looked at her lovely body. She reached
   down and took his hand, pulling him to his feet.

   She pulled his shirt up, and Opie pulled it off over his head. She
   started to unfasten his jeans, but he stepped back and unfastened them
   himself. He kicked off the jeans, and stood before her, naked and
   protruding.

   "Oh," she said, "it's already hard. I wanted to watch it get hard
   again."

   Opie looked down. "I don't think I can get it down again too quick,"
   he said.

   Mary Lynn giggled. She picked up her clothes and tossed them over into
   the corner. As she let go of her clothes, she said, "What's that?"

   She stepped over to where she had just tossed her clothes, and picked
   up the green-covered book.

   "A sex manual?" she asked. "You brought a sex manual?"

   Opie smiled shyly. "I was studyin' up."

   Mary Lynn laughed. "Look at the copyright date on this thing! 1922!"
   She thumbed through the book. "What did they know about sex in 1922?
   This is the sixties. Make love not war!"

   She tossed the book to the floor. "You want to learn about sex, Mr.
   Taylor? Let me give you another lesson." She dropped down to the
   floor, spread her legs wide, and leaned back, propping herself up
   against a tree trunk.

   "C'mere." She gestured at him. "Kneel down here." She pointed between
   her legs.

   Opie complied.

   Mary Lynn lifted her knees a bit, reached down between her legs, and
   spread her pussy lips wide open. "This is my pussy," she said, "and
   this is my clit. Put your tongue on this."

   "My tongue?"

   "Just do it."

   Opie bent forward, extended his tongue, and touched the tip of his
   oral organ to her love-bump. She tasted salty, but pleasant.

   "Go ahead, Opie, lick me."

   He rolled his tongue around and over her clit. She let go of her
   pussy-lips, and put her hands on his head. She guided his movements,
   as Opie was getting into the rhythm of giving her head.

   Mary Lynn was getting into it, too. She started rocking her hips,
   thrusting herself into Opie's mouth and jaw.

   Suddenly, she held perfectly still. She held her breath.

   Opie continued to roll his tongue over her clit.

   "Ooooooohhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

   Opie could feel her vibrate. She released his head, and he sat back,
   watching her body quiver. She reached for his shoulders, and pulled
   him over her, holding him tightly to her as her body shook.

   His penis was rock-hard, pressed between their bodies uncomfortably.
   He moved his hips slightly to ease the pressure.

   "No," she whispered. "Not yet. Not now."

   Opie was puzzled. What was she talking about?

   Mary Lynn pushed at him, rolling them over on his back. She pushed his
   legs apart, and knelt down between his legs.

   She lifted his hard-on, and bent down, spreading her lips over his
   dripping cockhead.

   Opie moaned as she rolled her tongue around his cockhead. She began to
   take more and more of his cock into her mouth, until he felt a strange
   sensation -- a tightening -- in his chest.

   He tried to push her head back -- away from his penis -- before he
   exploded, but Mary Lynn hung on. Opie could hold back no more. He
   began to spurt, and Mary Lynn kept her lips over the end of his cock,
   catching every glob of his ejaculate in her mouth.

   Satisfied that his spurting had stopped, she sat back on her heels,
   and swallowed, a wide grin spreading across her face.

   "That won't get you pregnant, will it?" Opie gasped.

   "You really do need that book, don't you?" Mary Lynn grinned. She
   crawled around to sit next to Opie, leaning back against the tree
   trunk, and took his hand. She smiled at him, and said, "That stuff has
   to get in here," pointing at her crotch, "before I could get
   preggers."

   "I knew that," Opie blushed.

   "That's why we can't really screw until we get a profl... a prophy...
   a ... rubber."

   Opie frowned.

   "You do know what a rubber is, don't you?"

   Opie shook his head.

   "It's okay," she said, squeezing his hand. "I know where my Dad keeps
   'em. What do you say we meet back here this afternoon. I'll bring the
   rubber, you bring a blanket."

   "A blanket?"

   "This floor is awfully hard, and rough."

   "Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay."

   :::

   Andy pushed open the door of the barbershop. Floyd was sitting in his
   barber chair, reading the funny papers.

   "Come for that haircut today, Andy?" Floyd asked.

   "Yep," Andy nodded. "But don't make it LOOK like I just got a
   haircut."

   "I remember, Andy, I remember."

   Floyd got up and stepped around behind the chair, as Andy slid into
   place. Floyd put the cloth around Andy's neck, and tucked it in place.
   He picked up his shears and comb, and began working on Andy's hair.

   "So how's the wedding going, Andy? Everything getting up -- er, coming
   out -- all right?"

   Andy grinned. "Everything's in working order, Floyd."

   "And Helen -- is she putting out -- er, putting up with everything?"

   Andy turned to look at Floyd. "Yes, Floyd, in both regards."

   Floyd snickered. "So you got some, eh?"

   "You might say that."

   "Yes, I might," Floyd smiled. "I might at that. Are you having a
   bachelor's party?"

   "Nah," Andy shook his head.

   "Don't shake your head when I'm cutting your hair," Floyd scolded.
   "You oughta have one of those fancy parties, where they have a
   stripper pop out of a big cake. I'd really enjoy that."

   "Then why don't you throw one for me?"

   "Me?" Floyd protested. "I don't even know any strippers."

   Andy chuckled.

   :::

   Opie hurried back down the road toward home. As he passed the swimming
   hole, he glanced in to see if anyone was there, but the pool was
   deserted.

   As he reached home, he looked around to see if Aunt Bee was home.
   Looked like she was out -- shopping, probably, with one of the ladies.


   He went to the closet, and pulled out a couple of blankets. He
   unfolded them, then refolded them more tightly, rolling them up as
   small as possible. He tied them up in a single bundle, wrapping an old
   belt around the roll.

   Checking first to make sure nobody had come in while he was working,
   he took the bundle outside, and set it beside a shade tree at the side
   of the road, out of sight of both the house and the road.

   He returned to the house, and fixed a sandwich out of the
   refrigerator, and poured a glass of milk.

   :::

   "Once again," Gomer commanded.

   "My voice is sore," Ernest T. whined. "I don't want to sing no more."

   "Something else will be sore if you don't," Goober grinned.

   "I love you tru-ly..." Ernest T. warbled.

   :::

   "Barney," Thelma Lou said softly over lunch, "aren't you going to
   Andy's wedding?"

   "I'm still thinking about it," Barney frowned.

   "What's there to think about?"

   "Well," Barney began, "I wish I could go back to Mayberry a big
   success."

   "Aren't you?"

   "Frankly, no. I'm still a nobody. I'm still a nothing."

   "Oh, Barney..."

   "It's true, Thelma Lou. I can't go back to Mayberry yet. Hell, I can't
   even ask you to..."

   "To what?" Thelma Lou looked directly into his eyes. "Barney, I love
   you."

   "And I... I..." Barney looked away.

   Tears formed in Thelma Lou's eyes. "Barney?"

   He snatched his hand away from hers. He turned his body away. Thelma
   Lou thought she could see him sob.

   "Barney?"

   Barney got up and almost ran out of the room.

   :::

   After he finished his lunch, Opie picked up his blanket bundle, and
   headed back to the treehouse.

   "Mary Lynn?" he called softly when he reached the treehouse. No
   answer.

   He climbed up the ladder, and tossed the blankets inside. He sat on
   the top of the ladder, looking back toward the road.

   After several minutes, he spotted her, threading her way through the
   trees.

   She looked up, saw Opie at the treehouse, and waved. She held up a
   little brown paper sack.

   Opie shook out the blankets on the floor of the treehouse. Mary Lynn
   climbed up and peeked inside.

   "Looks comfy," she grinned. She held up the little sack. "I got the
   rubbers."

   "C'mon inside," Opie smiled back, "before somebody sees you. The guys
   were gone from the swimmin' hole."

   "You don't think they'd come here, do you?"

   Opie shook his head. "I don't think so. But let's not take the
   chance."

   Mary Lynn climbed on into the treehouse. Opie propped open the
   'skylight' again, as Mary Lynn lowered the blanket-door.

   "Can I watch it get hard this time?" Mary Lynn asked.

   Opie unfastened his jeans, letting them fall down. His penis was not
   yet erect. Mary Lynn knelt down, peering closely at it.

   "It's not doing anything," she whispered.

   "Touch it," he said.

   She reached out and touched it gingerly, and Opie's penis jerked
   slightly. It started to inflate, like a balloon in slow motion. It
   became heavy at first, then as it filled with blood, began to rise, to
   full staff, upright, and stiff against his lower abdomen.

   "Fascinating," Mary Lynn grinned.

   She stood up and pulled off her tee-shirt, then dropped her shorts.
   She kicked her clothes over into a corner. Opie pulled off his shirt,
   and tossed it and his jeans on top of Mary Lynn's clothing.

   Mary Lynn turned her back on Opie, and bent over to pick up the brown
   paper sack.

   "Oh!" Opie said, looking at her ass.

   "What's wrong?" Mary Lynn straightened up.

   "Nothing's wrong," Opie said, quickly. "I've just missed seeing that
   side of you."

   Mary Lynn smiled softly. She turned back around and bent over, looking
   at him through her legs. "Want a better view?"

   Opie touched the soft, white skin of her ass, his fingers gliding over
   the smooth globes, and settling into the cleft between them. He
   touched the pink rosebud of her puckered asshole, and slid down the
   slit of her genitals.

   "Inspection done?" Mary Lynn asked. "'Cause this isn't an easy
   position to stay in."

   "Yeah," Opie breathed. "But it's all so new... so beautiful."

   Mary Lynn stood up and faced Opie. She opened the bag, and pulled out
   a little blue foil packet, and she tossed the bag over onto their
   clothes.

   "Here's the rubber," she said. "You know how to put it on?"

   Opie shook his head.

   "Then let me," she grinned. "I've been practicing on a broom handle."

   She knelt down, tore open the foil, and removed the rolled condom. She
   rolled it onto his erection, then stood up.

   "Easy as that," she smiled.

   "Now what?" Opie asked.

   "Now, we screw like a couple of bunnies," Mary Lynn grinned.

   She sank to the blanket-covered floor, and lay back, lifting and
   separating her knees, revealing the pinkness of her lower lips.

   Opie knelt down between her legs, and as he had done earlier today,
   bent forward to run the tip of his tongue around her clit.

   "That feels fantastic," Mary Lynn moaned. "But I want to fuck."

   She pulled on his ears gently, and he crawled up her body. He kissed
   her lips.

   "I taste me," she whispered. She reached down and grasped his penis,
   guiding the latex-covered rod to the entrance to her pussy.

   "Now," she whispered, huskily. "Push slow."

   Opie pushed forward slowly. He felt the head of his penis slide
   between her outer lips, gripping him tightly.

   "Mmmmmm," Mary Lynn moaned. "It feels so gooood."

   Opie pushed forward slightly, but it felt like he had run into a wall.


   He pushed again. He couldn't get any more of his cock inside her.

   Once more, he pulled back a little, and pushed again. This time, there
   was a small popping sensation, and he slid further into her. A feeling
   of warmth enveloped his entire penis.

   "Oh gosh," he gasped. "I think the rubber broke."

   Mary Lynn laughed gently. "It wasn't the rubber that broke," she said
   softly. "It was my cherry. I'm not a virgin any more."

   "Oh."

   "I'll explain it to you later. Let's fuck."

   Opie began to move his hips, making long, deep strokes. He was afraid
   to move too quickly for fear of hurting her.

   "Oh, Opie," she whispered in his ear. "Oh... Opie..."

   He felt her move her feet up behind his knees, as she met each of his
   movements with one of her own. She welcomed each stroke with a moan of
   pleasure.

   Suddenly, she gasped; she tilted her head back, holding her breath,
   then it felt like her pussy was squeezing his penis even tighter. He
   was unable to continue the rhythm.

   Then as suddenly, she relaxed. He pushed deep inside her and he was
   bursting, filling the rubber sheath with his semen.

   He collapsed on top of her, and they rolled over on their backs.
   Opie's rubber-clad cock flopped on his belly.

   Mary Lynn sat up, reached over and gently removed the used condom. She
   tied a knot in it, capturing his seed in the tip.

   "I ought to save it," she grinned. "My first fuck. But if Mama found
   it, she'd have an absolute fit."

   "I've got an idea," Opie said, sitting up. He scooted over to one of
   the trees, and pointed. There's a knot-hole here, that we tacked a
   tin-can lid over. Let's put it in there."

   "Then we'll both always know where it is," Mary Lynn grinned. "Our
   first fuck."

   Opie pried open the tin-can lid, and Mary Lynn put the used rubber in
   the knot-hole. Opie used a piece of wood to tap the tacks back in
   place. Mary Lynn kissed him, and Opie kissed back, their tongues
   sliding easily and naturally around each other.

   Mary Lynn broke the kiss first. "I've got a whole box of rubbers," she
   breathed.

   :::



   It was getting dark as Andy pulled up in front of Helen's house. He
   slid out of the squad car, and strolled up the walkway to her front
   door. He tapped on the screen door.

   Helen soon appeared, and looked at him through the screen. "Hi,
   Honey."

   Andy grinned back at her. "Aren't you going to let me in?"

   Helen frowned, "Oh, Andy..."

   Andy cocked his head. "Is there something wrong?"

   Helen shook her head. "Nothing's wrong. I WANT to let you in... but if
   I do, then I'll want you to stay a while... and before we know it, it
   will be midnight... and you know it's bad luck for the groom to see
   the bride on the wedding day before the wedding!"

   Andy smiled. "I understand, Sweetie. Good night."

   Helen pushed the screen door open and leaned out. She kissed Andy's
   cheek. He caught her by the arm, and kissed her firmly on the lips.

   Breaking the kiss, she whispered "Good night."

   Andy backed away from the door, then turned and walked to the car.
   Helen watched him climb in, start the engine, and drive away. "Good
   night, sweet prince," she whispered, and closed the front door.

   :::

   Ernest T. Bass was exhausted, his head resting on his crossed arms on
   the Pyle kitchen table.

   "He's got it," Gomer grinned at Goober. "By George, I think he's got
   it."

   Goober frowned. "Does that mean I don't get him?"

   "Nope," Gomer shook his head. "It means I do."

   Ernest T.'s head snapped up in fear and apprehension.

   Gomer grinned. "It's a joke! Sur-prise, sur-prise, sur-prise!"

   :::

   Opie lay in bed, remembering his afternoon. He and Mary Lynn had "done
   it" twice more, a used rubber for each of them to take home. Opie had
   buried his in the back yard. He hoped Mary Lynn would be as cautious.

   As he remembered, he felt a familiar stirring in his pajamas. He
   lifted the covers and looked down his body. The tip of his awakening
   penis was poking out the opening in his pajama bottoms.

   "Aren't you tired yet?" he asked his exposed member.

   :::

   Thelma Lou tapped at the hotel room door.

   "Barney?" she called, softly.

   There was no answer.

   The elevator door opened, and a hotel maid pushed her cart out into
   the hallway.

   "Excuse me," Thelma Lou said. "I've locked myself out."

   The maid nodded. "That happens all the time," she said. She fished her
   pass key out of her apron pocket, and opened the door. "There ya go."

   "Thank you," Thelma Lou said. She pushed open the door. She turned on
   the light and closed the door behind her, since the maid was watching
   her.

   She glanced around the room. Barney's suitcase was gone. She stepped
   into the bathroom, and saw that his shaving kit and toiletries were
   gone, too.

   A tear rolled down Thelma Lou's cheek, as she sat down on the bed.
   "Oh, Barney..." she sobbed.

   :::



   Sunday morning dawned bright and shiny over Mayberry.

   After the morning services, Aunt Bee and her friends strung up white
   crepe paper and flowers in the sanctuary of the church.

   Andy stood nervously at the front of the church, waiting for Helen to
   walk down the aisle. Opie fidgeted next to him, serving as his
   father's Best Man.

   Mary Lynn sat in a pew, a small smile on her face, as she watched Opie
   fingering the rings in his pocket.

   Andy was not nervous because of the ceremony, though. He was nervous,
   because he expected -- at any minute -- that a rock would come sailing
   through one of the stained-glass windows.

   He looked over the assembled congregation: Howard Sprague, Otis
   Campbell, Sam Jones and his son... smiling faces, happy faces. He felt
   a happy grin spreading across his face.

   The organ started the Bridal March, and Helen appeared, radiant in her
   gown. She walked up the aisle and joined him in front of the Pastor.

   The pastor looked up toward the balcony and nodded.

   "I love you truly, truly dear..."

   Gomer's booming baritone was unmistakable. But who was the tenor? Andy
   closed his eyes, trying to place the voice. He could not, so he turned
   his head to glance up into the balcony.

   Gomer Pyle was standing in his dress blue Marine uniform. And standing
   beside him, in full tuxedo, cummerbund and all, was Ernest T. Bass.

   Andy nudged Helen, and gestured with his eyes toward the balcony. She
   looked back, and almost snickered.

   Andy and Helen's eyes met, sharing a secret smile, as they turned back
   to the Pastor, who nodded at them, with a smile of his own.

   The song ended. The Pastor opened his bible.

   "We are gathered here today to witness..."

   :::


So then take down your fishin' pole,
And meet me at the fishin' hole.
I can't think of a better way
To pass the time o'day!

