   Pedo. Incest.
   
   Disclaimer: The children described here are perfect, ideal, and completely imaginary. Reality can never be this good. In prison, child molesters are used as human toilets.
   
   
   The next day was as usual, until our shower together. I noticed her taking an unusually long time washing my penis and balls after I had scrubbed her down. Before I could harden I quickly finished washing and rinsed off. I suspected she had made a connection between my penis being hard and the rubbing I did to give me pleasure. She now knew how to get me hard, and that it felt good. That evening I made sure that my penis stayed in my underwear and was never near her hands. 
   We went to sleep early. At sometime in the night, I awoke from a sound sleep. I knew this time that she was playing with my penis again. Only my balls were tightening and my penis was inflating very rapidly. It felt very good and tingly. There was a familiar coolness on my dick and I realized that Dana had covered my penis with the hand lotion. She was rubbing straight up and down as she had seen me do so many times before. 
   I was quickly running out of time. Her hands were small and not at skilled, but having someone else masturbate me felt a dozen times better than what I could do for myself. The damage was already done. She was masturbating me, and I couldn't stop her before she finished. She was about to see the results. My body tensed rigid, and my dick pulsed hard. I shot hard and high. She didn't know to catch the sperm in the towel. Dana squealed as the stream shot through her hands and giggled as it came down on my stomach and chest. She looked at my face to see if she had done something wrong. I grabbed the towel and wiped off her hands and my body. 
   "Did I do it right?" she asked timidly. "Did I do it ok?" she asked.
   I don't think anyone would call me a child molester, and certainly not a baby raper. I couldn't even see myself as a child lover. 
    "You shouldn't have done that." My voice was sterner then I had intended and I instantly regretted it. 
   Her hopeful look died on her face. Her disappointment was obvious. "I'm sorry" her happiness crashed and she tried to hold back a sob. "I wanted to make you feel good."
   She was just helping me. I wasn't having sex with her. She was just showing her love for me, like when she tried to wash the dishes. She had tried to give me a gift, and I hurt her. 
   Far too often as a single father I felt very alone, lost, and absolutely desperate. Deep in the pit of my stomach was the feeling that I was fucking up and I didn't know what to do.
   "Baby, you made me feel good, really good." At least I was honest.
   "Then why shouldn't I do it?"
   I couldn't think of an easy answer. I couldn't say it was a bad thing to do. I had been doing it myself. It didn't feel bad. She knew it wasn't a bad thing for me.
   She saw me struggling for logic. "You shouldn't know about things like that." I said. I now felt ashamed for all the times I had masturbated in front of her. 
   "But I love you, and I know you like it." she whimpered.
   "But it may not be good for you to be doing this." 
   She still looked hurt and confused. 
   "I don't really understand it either." I added.
   My head hurt now. I had hurt my daughter and I felt like an asshole. At least a part of the egg was broken and I couldn't unbreak it. I felt guilt at having received so much pleasure from her, and then punished her. 
   "Baby" I whispered to her, "I love you and you made me feel really, really good. But, I'll have to think about it tomorrow. I really need you to trust me now. Ok?"
   Dana smiled and nodded, trusting me. We lay back down together, and from shear exhaustion, I fell asleep.
   I was woken up by the alarm very early as usual. Dana stayed up a little later than was usual for children, and I went to bed with her so we could fall asleep together. But, I would wake up very early and try to get as much work done as I could while she slept late to get the rest her young mind needed.
   I woke up trying to understand what we were doing. She didn't understand, and I was pretty sure that I didn't either. To her it was a simple act of affection, like a backrub. But I imagined years of psychotherapy trying to explain a broken personality living a tragic life. 
   I just couldn't make the connection. A backrub couldn't cause all the problems people imagined. Sexually abused children were probably abused in other ways. This wasn't even sex. We loved each other and were closer than any family I had ever seen, but someday, she would move on. It was family love that would bind us, not a physical act that she would probably get bored with or grow out of. I knew that it was just society rules that forbid masturbation or made people wear clothes. But, I didn't know in the long run if love was better for her, or society's rules.
   I didn't need to worry about what other people thought of us or what Dana would say to anyone. Dana always had lots of friends and was always popular in the apartment complexes. She never had any really close friends. She probably never had the deep loneliness I grew up with. 
   One day she learned a lesson the hard way. She had invited a close older friend over to our apartment. When her friend realized that we shared a bed, she was grossed out and was not shy about telling Dana how weird she thought we were. Being rejected and ridiculed by her friend really hurt Dana. 
   I thought Dana would want her own bed and to separate from me. Instead, she made a conscious decision.
   Dana had been in almost every kid's apartment. She saw how all the other kids lived. She knew how all the other kids were treated by their parents. She knew we were different and special. 
   She never again invited friends into our apartment and she wouldn't tell them about how close we were. She often told me that she knew we were different and she never wanted to change. Others didn't need to know. 
   But, now we were trapped in our own problem and had to find a path to take. Maybe I should not have been so close to my five year old. That didn't sound right. Besides, I really liked being so close. The idea of sleeping alone or having separate bedrooms felt cold and lonely. When should I have pushed her away from me? I remembered my strict and demanding father, and the rejection I felt my entire childhood. I don't think I ever loved him. 
   Besides, Pandora's Box had already been opened. I probably screwed up somehow, but I couldn't change what happened. I had masturbated Dana's whole life. We didn't have any privacy. She now wanted to help me. 
   I could get her a separate room and push her out of my bed, out of my chair, and make us wear more clothes at home. That would hurt me, but it would hurt her much more. 
   We could continue to live as we liked but I could try and hide my masturbation and forbid her to help me. But, she knew exactly what was going on, and hiding it from her would be a joke, and look like a joke I was playing on her.
   After several hours of weighing the possibilities, I decided that I could admit that I was a total failure as a father and let her do whatever she wanted to. I would try and stop her from hurting herself, but as long as she chose her own path, maybe she wouldn't blame me so much when she grew up. I would still try to discourage her from masturbating me as much as I could.
   I didn't have to wake Dana most mornings, our schedule was very regular and she had an internal alarm clock. Today was no exception. Dana wandered into my work area at her usual time and I got up to make her breakfast. She wanted Fruit Loops, but she would settle for an egg, toast, and a hash brown patty. As I cooked, she watched me and waited. I knew what she was waiting for, she hadn't forgotten. When our breakfast was ready, I set it on the table and sat down. 
   "Dana, I want the best for you, but I don't always know what is best. I also want you happy, so I am going to let you do what you want for now."
   Dana squealed and jumped into my arms, absolutely beaming. "I want to make you feel good, Daddy! Lets try right now."
    "Whoa, not right now. Eat your breakfast. I still have work to do."
   I tried to fill my day as much as I could, postponing Dana's gift, but I also looked forward to it without admitting it. Dana had been playing outside with her friends, but checked in more than usual. Then she decided to come in for the rest of the afternoon. I could feel her watching me. Every time I looked over at her, she was looking at me and smiling. It was almost fun to play with her this way. I forgot how serious the matter was. It was just another game to her. 
   My dick had been mostly hard for over an hour in anticipation. I stood up and fake yawned. "I need to lie down and rest for a bit." I said as I walked into the bedroom and lay back onto the bed. Dana followed me right into the room. I kept my eyes closed as she crawled up onto the bed beside me. I think she knew that I wasn't going to help her, even if she didn't understand why. It took her a few seconds to figure out how to take off my belt, she had never undressed me before. 
   As she pulled my pants down I at least cooperated and lifted my hips a little. She pulled my penis out. She knew how to handle it, having grabbed it and held many times in the shower, in bed, or even as we played. But now her attention was focused on it in the daylight. As soon as she touched it, it stirred from half hard to full hard. It took both of her tiny hands to handle it. She softly rubbed and touched the velvety skin over hot hard steel, exploring it as if she had never seen it before. I watched though half closed eyelids. 
   Dana then let go of my dick and it sprang back to slap on my stomach. She giggled and then crawled to the nightstand where I kept the lotion and a towel. When she came back, she grabbed my dick and squirted a gob onto the head. She then stroked the cold goop down the shaft. My cock was beginning to hurt from the pressure inside it. Dana cupped the head in one hand ran a finger down the supersensitive vein on the underside of my cock. My hips convulsed and I choked and gasped.
    "OhmyGodI'msorry" she wailed. 
   "No, no, no, no, it's ok." I reassured her. "It felt fantastic, just really intense. You can do that, just not too much." 
   I knew she couldn't understand, but she nodded like she did. Now she was afraid to touch me. 
   I smiled at her, "It's like being tickled really hard. You like it, but it's too much."
   Dana understood that and an evil smile spread across her face. She then grabbed my dick like nothing had happened and began stroking up and down like she had seen me do. I let my head fall back and I fell into the feeling. She didn't just do the stroke the entire time like I did. She tried different things as her hands tired or maybe she got bored. Every minute or so she ran a finger lightly down the vein and watched as I convulsed and gasped. Each time it pushed me toward orgasm and I think she could feel that. After a few minutes of this my cock pulsed hard against her hands. She wasn't as surprised as she had been the first time. She even had a hand at the head of my penis and caught the first, strongest spurts of cum. The rest dribbled down over dick. She continued to stroke and I had to brush her hands away as I tried to catch my breath. 
   Dana knew the show was over so she began to wipe her hands and my dick with the towel. I just lay there, breathing heavily. 
   I knew that I was going to hell. I had let my beautiful, precious baby doll do a nasty and dirty thing to me, just because it made me feel good. I felt shallow and weak. I should never have let her do this.
   "It's not getting soft." She announced. 
   "That happens sometimes when it feels really good."
   "You mean I did it really good?" she asked then grabbed my dick and started pumping again. Most of the super sensitivity had gone away, but instantly I was back into half orgasm. The extra friction of having less lotion took my breath away. I was gathering my strength to do the right thing and tell her to stop when one hand slipped over the knob of my cock and twisted. Most of my body levitated a few inches off the bed in ecstasy. My will power died and I knew I would think of every reason in the world not to stop her if I tried. 
   Dana began experimenting and quickly figured out some things that drove me wild by the way my body reacted. It was like she was playing one of her video games. I couldn't cum so quickly twice in a row, so she had more time to torture me with pleasure. 
   I heard myself command her to use more lotion, and couldn't believe I said that. She didn't stop her high speed stroking as she pumped more lotion on with her other hand. I twisted and squirmed, wanting to stop the intensity and yet desperately needed it during the best hand-job I had ever had. 
   Finally, I forced the sperm up and out of my painfully spasming cock.  Mercifully my hard-on quickly melted as Dana wiped up for a second time. 
   "Come here." I gently commanded her as I pulled her down to lay beside me. "Thank you, princess." I kissed her forehead. Then I fell asleep. 
