              "A Big Girl"
              by Pedro Vila


   Many years ago when I was young and single, before the hard times, I knew some school boys. I was in my early twenties, living in my own rented house, and selling pot. That's how I got to know them. They were still in eighth grade, but street wise.
   Bobby, Greg, and Mitchell came to my door in the morning instead of school, sometimes, and we got stoned. It was during the late seventies, outside the rainy city of Seattle, and it was raining that day as well.
   I remember that day the most because Mitchell had to bring his younger sister along. She found out about me and said she'd tell unless they brought her too.
   She was probably nine and was dressed in jeans and a denim jacket with long scraggly hair just like the boys. Hers was blonder but still dirty and no bangs, with that classic part down the middle like people wore in those days. Her face was nothing special, it could have passed for a boys, and she had natural bags under her eyes. 
   Her name was Crystal and she didn't say anything. The boys were embarrassed to have had to bring her, and she tried to act like it was no big deal, but it was to her. She wanted to be tough and grown up acting just like them.
   Mitchell kept apologizing and I told him it was no big deal. They sat in the same places as always on my couch and tried to make small talk about cars and rock bands. I showed them the LP I had just bought of Nazareth, "Hair of the Dog". You remember that one, don't you?
   Well anyway, The boys were impressed and wanted to play it right away.
   They got up from the couch and went to my stereo. I took the time to kneel in front of Crystal. She tried to act tough, but she was a little scared of me.
   "Crystal." I said.
   "What?"
   "If you're going to be here, you better be cool about it. You narc on me and I'll take you down. Are we cool?"
   "Fuck yeah. I ain't no narc." She was talking tough, but her eyes were ready to flinch from me.
   I then held out my hand to shake hers. "We got a deal?" She shook it and relax some. I smiled to her and made her feel welcome. Mitchell was looking at me, surprised that I let her get away with being here.
   That all changed when I got my stash out. I had an ounce of Columbian gold and I started to roll one. Bobby said, "Oh cool!" and Greg grinned ear to ear. Mitchell wanted to roll one too, but he always used the rolling machine.
   I licked my joint and closed it with one hand. Mitchell was still trying to get one right.
   I lit up and passed it to the nearest boy. I few hits and they were rocking out to the title track. I took the joint to Crystal and held it out to her. She looked at it, trying to decide if she could handle it. I could tell she'd never gotten high before.
   Mitchell started to bitch about me sharing it. "Man, don't waste it on her. She's just a dork."
   "I am not." Crystal whined.
   I stared Mitchell down. "Hey, man. If I say she's cool, she's cool, okay? It's my grass."
   He looked hurt, but only because he was half stoned. "Sorry." he mumbled.
   I looked back at his stick of a sister and said, "You don't have to if you don't want to. It's cool."
   She took it and took a smoke then immediately started coughing. The boys laughed and I got her a glass of water. She gulped it and I could see her eyes were already red. When the joint came around again, she took another hit though.
   We sat back and listened to the record. They were high and I was buzzing. I looked over to Crystal and wondered about what it would be like to fuck her. I had some magazines that had little girls fucking and would get off on them when I was high. Something about smoking pot that made me kinky.
   She became aware of me staring at her after a while and looked at me. I smiled and mouthed the word, "Cool" to her. She smiled back, dazed looking.
   After the second side of the album played, I got up and got a box of twinkies and tossed one to every one. I had empty wrappers on the table in seconds flat. I was going to put on something different when Greg begged for "Dark Side of the Moon". I shook my head and played it for them for the hundredth time.
   I lit up Mitchell's joint and passed it.
   That's how we spent the day until it was past lunch. Then I had to take off and I kicked them out the door. The boys didn't wait for Crystal and she was last to walk out as they were already heading up the street.
   I said to her, "Hey." She turned. "You don't have to come with them, you know. You're cool. You can come here anytime, okay?"
   She said, "Thanks and walked off towards them, but she kept looking back.
   Telling her that made her feel independent. I hoped she'd come back on her own.

   The boys skipped school a couple of more times, but Crystal wasn't with them. I asked once but they agreed, "Fuck her." I thought about that and agreed myself, only not the way they were thinking.
   The next week, it was just Bobby and Greg. Mitchell got busted with pot and was grounded. The two didn't stay long either. It was like they were going to get busted by their parents as well and didn't want to take any chances.
   They left before the record was half over.
   But at noon, I got a knock on my door and opened it to find Crystal standing there. I smiled big and let her in. I was glad to see her.
   We sat on the couch together.
   "I heard your brother got busted."
   "Yeah." She seemed intimidated.
   "You going stay for a bit?"
   "Maybe."
   I smiled. "You want to smoke some pot?"
   She brightened up. "Yeah!"
   I rolled up a thin joint and she watched me like a hawk. Something about the way she was looking at me made me feel like I was the coolest guy in the world.
   She finally got a little talkative as I was finishing up the roll. "How did you learn to do that?" she asked.
   "What? The joint?"
   "Yeah."
   "Somebody taught me. You want me to teach you?"
   "Fuck yeah."
   I smiled. Little girl trying to be a big girl. "Come over here. I'll show you." I reached for the grass and got a paper out for her and held it between my thumb and fingers of both hands. "You start by holding it like this." I handed her the paper and took another one out for me. She did everything like I showed her. She sprinkled grass on it, and she rolled it around a bit to even it out.
   I watched closely as she stuck her tongue out to lick it shut. It was a small pointy tongue coming from her small mouth. She saw me looking at her mouth and blushed. I slowly smiled back. I realized she had a crush on me.
   We lit her joint. It was a hump back, but it wasn't bad for her first time. We got real high and she started to giggle. I stayed close to her and she fell against me, her intimidation all forgotten.
   I leaned back on the couch and she sat forward for a moment, then leaned back next to me. I was ready.
   I put my arm over her on the couch, ready to put it around her. I said, "Your foxy, you know that?"
   She looked at my face. She was stoned, but her eyes glowed. Everything clicked.
   "You want to kiss?" I asked her.
   Crystal stared for a moment, then closed her eyes and leaned towards me with her lips pursed. I kissed them and waited. She smiled and then came at me full. I ended up with her on my lap and necking fully. She'd kissed before, probably with some boy, and wasn't really a pro at it. I took it higher and we got to using tongues pretty quickly.
   I was having a taste of little girl, just like the pictures. I was high. I was kinky. I got a hard on.
   She was high enough to let herself go and I started to feel her up. She let me put my hand under her shirt. She was flat and a little boney, not what I thought it would feel like. But then I started to think about her size and figured that she would be so fucking tight that it would make it all worthwhile.
   I laid her on her back on the couch and got on top of her. I knew I was heavy and i tried not to press down on her too much. I had her shirt up and she wrapped her thin arms around my neck and held me to her.
   She may have been only nine, but she sure seemed ready to me.
   The only problem was the sudden knock at my door. The stereo was going and my Chevelle was out front. I couldn't duck whoever it was. I got up and looked out the window. It was Mitchell, and I had his little sister half undressed on my couch.
   "Go away!" I yelled through the door.
   "Come on, man. Let me in. I need some weed." he yelled back.
   I pulled open the door in anger and yanked him in. I took a look around outside to see if anybody heard him. Then I slammed the door and chewed him out.
   "What the fuck? Man, I have to live here. Don't go yelling 'Weed' for the neighbors to hear!"
   Mitchell was looking at the couch. Crystal was hiking down her shirt and wiping her mouth. He said, "That's my sister, man. What are you doing?"
   "It's none of your business. She just came here because she was worried about you." I changed my tact. "Hey, didn't you get busted? Why did you come here? You trying to get me busted too? What the fuck's wrong with you, man?"
   That took his mind off of his sister. "I'm sorry. Look, I need some smoke. I'll pay you. I promise."
   I looked at him. He was in trouble and could lead the fuzz to me. But I also was about to fuck his kid sister. I got out a half a lid and handed it too him. I held it to him but didn't let go. "If you tell anyone about me or what I'm doing here, you're a dead man. You here me?" I pointed at his chest hard to make my point.
   He was really glad for all the weed and I'll bet he was willing to let me fuck anyone I wanted for that amount. He'd better! I was out thirty bucks for that bag. I waited for him to stash it in his sock and then I shoved him out the door.
   I looked at Crystal. I thought the mood was broken but she looked ready to go at it again. This time I took the other joint and turned down the stereo. I led her to my bed room and lit some drip candles I'd been cultivating. She looked at the waterbed, the tile mirrors, and the cheap Indian bedspread I had hung on the ceiling and looked impressed.
   I said, "Take your shoes off before getting on." and I took mine off. She took her denim jacket off too. I lit up the joint.
   I took a big drag and started to blow it into her face. She sucked after a moment before too much was wasted. The next one I blew right into her mouth. Looking in the mirror, I could see how small she was next to me and with her jacket off, showing her sleeveless shirt, I could see every bit of the child like in my secret magazines from Europe.
   My dick was hard as a rock. I laid back against a big pillow and pulled her on top of me. I blew another hit down her throat and said, "I really want you, man. Let's fuck."
   She was stoned and easy. She said, "Okay."
   I put my hands down her back and grabbed her tight little ass and gave them a good squeeze. She didn't weigh that much and I could lift her up with both hands on her hips. I did that to get to her zipper.
   They slid off and revealed white panties and white skinny legs. She looked even smaller. My dick would split her open if I didn't watch out.
   I pulled down my pants and we got under the covers. I held her close and smelled her. Nothing woman-like about the smell. She smelled like a kid. I still was feeling really kinky and was fine with that. I felt her legs with mine and they seemed tiny.
   Right then, her look to me broadcasted puppy love and innocence. No matter how stoned I got her, she was feeling all the virgin that she was. Somewhere, her father was going to hate my guts for the rest of my life. I didn't care.
   I let her hold the joint and I slid under the covers to go down on her. I pulled her panties down and nuzzled in between her slim legs. She was hairless and scentless. I started to lick at her. I heard her sigh and that encouraged me to go deeper.
   She put a hand on my head under the covers and I eat her out while pulling my briefs off. I made sure she was as wet as I could get her. I gave myself a spit job on my dick to make sure. Then I slid up her body, kissing it all the way.
   When I got to her face, I said, "Are you ready?" Her mouth open, her eyes wide, she just nodded faintly. I pressed myself to her.
   She held her breath and her head arched back. I reached her cherry and it didn't budge. We were slick enough, but the cherry was stronger than I thought it would be. I said, It's going to hurt, but only for a sec. Then it's going to feel good."
   She whispered, "Okay." and I put one hand under her tailbone and the other behind her neck. Women liked it when I held them that way.
   I gathered myself for a big push and rammed into her with one quick motion. The gasped and her face contorted with pain. She couldn't breathe for a moment and I held still with me firmly inside of her. She was holding on to the front half of my dick like a vise. She was the tightest thing I ever felt.
   I waited for it to get better. When she started to pant, I calmed her by running my hand through her hair and 'Shhhing' her. Then I took the joint out of her hand and blew another toke into her lungs, which changed into a kiss.
   She eventually started to kiss back and I said, "Ready now?"
   Her eyes looked worried but she didn't say no. I moved very gently out of her and her eyes flinched. Then I moved back into her and she seemed a little better, but if I went too deep, she'd contort up her face again.
   I went slow. I was rock hard and ready to cum in her, but I didn't want to finish while it still hurt her. I planned on fucking her all day if I could. I wanted to make her cum at least once.
   I started to fuck her a little deeper and she didn't seemed to mind. Her panting made a little wheeze now and then but she was beginning to get into it.
   She was too tight. I came hard. She gasped and I knew she felt it.
   If she'd been a woman, she'd have figured we were done and got up. But Crystal was a virgin till then and didn't know it was over. I kept myself in her and started to kiss on her. She kissed me back and a felt a leg go around one of mine.
   Yeah, baby. She was getting into it. I was fucking a kid. I finished off the joint with her and started to get into it again. I never went soft.
   This time, she was real slicked up with cum and I could slide into her pretty easily. I started to really fuck her this time. I took my shirt off with one hand and then rolled onto my back, dragging her over me. Crystal moaned, either from pleasure or from my dick twisting around inside of her while I rolled.
   She felt light and slim over me, mostly bones and thin flesh. I lifted her chest up in the air and pulled off her shirt too. She had little pink nipples and her ribs were showing. Her head with it's strait hair looked too big for her body, and I was fucking that body pretty good.
   Her little mouth was open and panting and her eyebrows were up and worried looking. I couldn't tell if she was enjoying it but it would have looked like an orgasm on an adult. Maybe she couldn't believe I was really fucking her. That made two of us.
   I put my hands on her slim waist and pushed her up and down on me. She grabbed my wrists and held on until she started to cry out with each fuck into her. Her head went down and I couldn't see her face through her hair. Then her ankles started to twist around and her skinny legs made feeble kicking motions. I held her on to me hard. She made a sound like a cross between a groan and an 'Ahhh'.
   I could feel her body stretch open a little and I sank into her by another inch. Not far to go before she takes it all.
   I pulled her middle down to me and she kept her arms strait, letting her chest and head fall from the supported shoulders. Girl hair tickled my chest. I started rocking her body up and down. She was small, but felt nice to hold. I slid a hand down to her tiny ass and grabbed it hard to feel it. Then I snaked a few fingers down to her twat and felt it stretched around my dick.
   I rubbed my fingers around her stretched open twat and she panted harder. I could feel how big the shaft of my dick felt compared to her little opening. She liked it when I fingered her that way.
   But it didn't last long. I kept trying to get in her further and she started to make pained sounds. Her short and skinny legs kicked down and she tried to lift her body off of me with them. I held her too me strong. I wasn't going to let go until I shot my wad in her.
   But she only got worse. Crystal started to say, "Ow." and then "Stop. It hurts."
   "But I'm not done yet."
   "Please. It really hurts. Can we quit?" She was in pain and pleading. Too much fucking for a nine year old. I didn't want to stop. I could have held her there until i was done, but This could turn into a rape for her and that could fuck me up with her parents, and the law for that matter.
   I stopped and let her go. She tried to pull herself up from me but did it slowly and with a grinding noise from her throat. She was so fucking tight! I wished we could have kept going.
   "You want some more pot?" I said, hoping it would get her in the mood again.
   "No. I have a headache." She said as she pulled the covers over her naked little body. I saw blood on my dick and tried to hide it so she wouldn't freak out.
   I said, "How about an aspirin? It'll help everything that hurts."
   "Okay." she said with a sad face. This looked like it was going to be a bad scene. I got up to get her one from the bathroom.
   I grabbed an aspirin tin from behind the mirror and saw a bottle of a pain killer I got a while back. I had an idea.
   I came back into my room with a glass of water and then opened a stash tin from under the bed. I handed her the pill from there and the water and she looked at it unsurely.
   "It's a herbal aspirin. Supposed to be better for you." I told her. She put it in her mouth and drank a gulp of water to swallow it. She wasn't tough any more. She looked every bit the little grade school girl she was. I put an arm around her to help her feel comfortable. In about fifteen minutes the qualude she took should start to kick in.
   I laid back with her and asked her, "Tell me about yourself. What's your favorite band?"
   She though about it and then told me, "The Steve Miller Band."
   "So what did you think? Do you like fucking?"
   "It hurts."
   "Yeah, but before that."
   "Kinda." she said.
   I started to ask her a lot of questions to get her talking and to make her feel better. She did and I could feel her ease up. She leaned against me and told me her little problems in school. She wanted real bad to be grown up and be cool.
   After some time, her words started to slur. I leaned in and kissed her again with tongue. A hand flopped up towards me but didn't fend me off. I kissed and necked until she didn't respond anymore.
   She was ready.
   I turned the covers down and pulled her to the middle of the bed. Her arms ended up over her head. Then I pulled the big pillow to under her and her limbs were spread out and hanging backwards off the pillow. Her puffy, hairless twat was red and wide open for me.
   I climbed on top of her with a hard on and put my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes were open some but she didn't react much when I pushed my hard dick back inside of her again. I guess one lude is a lot for a nine year old.
   I started fucking her good. Her body was loosened up and easy for me to fuck. She was still tight as hell though. I let myself get into it. I wasn't worried about hurting her anymore, she was out of it. I tongued, fingered, grabbed, rammed, and even pinched her nipples without even a grunt from her.
   After fucking her limp little body like that for a while, I dragged her off and turned her over. I put a little pillow under her hips and her tight little butt stuck up in the air for me. I pushed in and tried to go deep. I made it my goal to get my whole dick buried as deep into her as I could. Why not? She wasn't going to bitch about it.
   It felt nice and I could feel more dick go in slowly with every push. When her tight little butt cheeks started to slap against me, I spread her legs wide. I found I had inches to go yet.
   I held her thin waist and fucked her hard. I tried all kinds of ways to hold her down. I spread her cheeks for me, I pulled her back by her limp arms, I held her shoulders against me, and I even pulled her head back by her hair. That last part, she made grunting noises.
   I settled on laying on top of her back and holding her slack mouth to mine. I always got turned on by sloppy tonging. She was drooling, but her eyes were still open some and I could see a little reaction to her getting fucked royal. I was ready to cum and I yanked back on her hair to help me along.
   I heard her breath wheeze and I came while biting her ear. Then I dropped onto her and panted.
   It was a nice heavy fuck. The best I ever had. I reached down and felt where my dick was sticking into her. I was all the way in and still hard. I decided to rest a bit and try some other things I've always wanted to do, but no girl would let me.
   I got up to piss and then got some water for my cotton mouth. Then I went to the stereo which was at the end of at record but didn't pick up automatically. Some records did that. I turned it all off and put on the black and white TV. Some old Perry Mason and other dumb shit. Nothing good. I watched it for a while anyway while I rolled up another doobie.
   Then I went back to check on my new girl friend. I laughed when I thought that. Yeah, right! My fourth grade girl friend!
   She was laying there wasted out of her mind. I lit the doobie and took a drag. She wouldn't feel it, but I blew a few hits into her mouth for kicks anyway. Then I had a funny idea and I pulled her head to my lap and put my limp dick into her mouth. I toked some more and would move her head a little once and a while.
   It felt good and I set down the joint, I was buzzing real good, and I started to fuck her mouth. I grew and stiffened and held her head with both hands while I jacked myself off into her slack mouth.
   It felt good and I came. She choked a little, the first real reaction she'd made since I doped her up. It was an automatic gag reflex though. No biggy. But her tiny tight ass was looking good and I was ready right away for it.
   My dick was slick with her drool and my cum and it didn't take too much to push past the ring of her asshole. That was my first ass fuck.
   It felt a little different, but squeezing her butt cheeks together against my dick was pretty cool. I started to get into it. I was about to fuck her rough when some one banged on my door. It scared the shit out of me and I went suddenly limp.
   I held still and then it happened again. Then somebody yelled.
   "Open up! I know your in there!" Then there was more banging. I wanted to pretend I wasn't there but my Chevelle was right out front, and I had left the TV on. FUCK! I thought to myself.
   I took a quick peek out the bedroom window and saw Mitchell and an older man and woman. They looked like his parents. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
   I grabbed Crystal and her clothes and stuffed her in my closet. Then I panicked over if I should get dressed or not. I decided not to and pretended I was asleep. I ruffled my hair and put on a robe, then went for the pounding door.
   "Jesus! I said while pretending to yawn. "What's your fucking problem?"
   The man plowed past me and looked around. I gave Mitchell a threatening look and he turned away, refusing to meet my eyes. His father came back from the bed room and yelled, "Where is she?"
   I got mad. The stupid kid had narced on me and I wanted to kick somebody's ass. "Who the fuck are you talking about?! Man, you bust in here yelling at me like..." I was still stoned. I couldn't think of anything. "Man, I was asleep. Then you come busting in here. What are you looking for?"
   The man was a typical red neck. He grabbed my robe and slammed me back against the wall. "You're in a lot of trouble, punk. Now where is Crystal? Or I call the police."
   I was having a bad trip. I kind of gave in. Kind of. "How the hell should I know. She came here and wanted to listen to music then she left." I gave Mitchell another glance and wanted to strangle him. The red neck father saw my look. He started shaking me.
   I lost it. I pushed him back and my robe fell open. I covered myself quick and hoped nobody saw Crystals nine year old cherry on it. I didn't think they did. The man was ready to fight back but the force of my anger was enough to make him go easier on me. He knew I could take him on a good day. Only this wasn't a good day.
   "You gave drugs to my kids, punk. I should call the police and have you arrested! " The mother was in now and glaring at me as well. Mitchell tried to slink back outside and his father yelled at him to stay put.
   Then nothing happened while the asshole father tried to diced what he should do next, look for his daughter or have me busted first.
   Then there was a soft thumping coming from the wall to my bed room. Fuck!!! They bolted for the room and I didn't even bother to go after them. When the mother screamed, I knew I was fucked.
   Mitchell was staring at me then. I said, "Why did you narc on me? I was cool with you!"
   He said, "That's my kid sister, man. You're a fuckin pervert!"
   The parents carried her out to their car to drive her to a hospital. Thinking I could win points, I yelled out to them, "She's fine, man! Just high! She'll be fine!"
   Then I noticed the neighbors all out and looking at us. Me in a robe and angry parents taking out a naked little girl with some blood on her butt cheeks.
   I was fucked. And that was when the hard times started.


   Seven years later, I was out and working as a bagger in a grocery store.
   I saw Crystal then. She didn't recognize me. I wasn't sure if I should let her know I was me. But she saw me staring and it began to dawn on her who I was. I smiled as harmlessly as I could while a million emotions played over her face.
   Finally after trying to decide what to do, she said, "Hi." and waited.
   "How are you?" I asked, not trying to spook her. I wans't sure if she was going to yell out something or hit me.
   "I'm okay. You're out now?"
   "Yeah. I'm trying to get my life back together."
   She stared at me and I saw all kinds of ugly things come up and disappear. Finally she said, "What do you want from me?"
   I felt all kinds of ugly things too. I felt she was just as guilty as me. I felt that I had a raw deal. I felt that I was a terrible person. I felt like I should just say sorry and go.
   But more than anything else, I remembered that it was the best fuck I had ever had.
   I said, "You look good. I mean you always did. Look, I wasn't the smartest guy on the block, but I really thought you were cool." I knew it sounded lame when I said it, but I was committed. "I wasn't trying to hurt you. We were just the wrong age. I thought you were cool. I mean you still are. I mean.... Never mind. I'm sorry, okay? I'm just.... Sorry."
   I turned to walk away. I felt like to worlds biggest loser.
   "Hey." Crystal said. I turned. "You still look good too." She smiled, then said, "And you didn't really hurt me. I'm okay."
   I stared. She was an adult, still had the bags under her eyes and her hair was darker, but she did look really good. I felt like an idiot, but I said, "You wanna get high?"

   <END>