        "The State vs Lizzy"
        by Pedro Vila


BAILIFF:All rise.
        Court is now in session. Judge Weiner is presiding."

WEINER: You may be seated. I trust everyone had a good lunch?
        This is the continuation of the state vs Mr Balmouth
        who is charged with 20 counts of child rape and child
        endangerment.

        Okay, the prosecution has called a number of witnesses,
        and the defence has declined to cross examine them in
        every case.

        I'm interested to see who the defence will call now that
        it's their turn.

DEFENCE:The defence calls Lizzy Balmouth to the stand.

BAILIFF:Do you, Lizzy Balmouth, swear to tell the truth, the
        whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god?

LIZZY:  I do.

WEINER: You may proceed.

DEFENCE:Thank you, Lizzy. May I call you that?

LIZZY:  Yes, sir.

DEFENCE:LIZZY, the charge of rape and child endangerment has been
        leveled against your father. Do you feel that this is
        accurate?

PROSECUTION:Objection your honor. The witness is under age and
        not qualified to make that assessment.

DEFENCE:If your honor will indulge me, the reason for this question
        will become clear and, if I may say so, nessesary.

WEINER: I will allow it for the time being.

DEFENCE:Thank you. Now Lizzy, do you agree with the said charges
        leveled against your father?

LIZZY:  I don't, sir.

DEFENCE:It says on the police report that you denied all of the
        charges repeatedly. Do you still stand by that claim?

LIZZY:  I do, sir. My father never raped or endangered me in any
        way.

DEFENCE:How old are you for the record?

LIZZY:  I just turned ten last month.

DEFENCE:Are you aware that the law states that having sex with
        anyone under the age of consent is considered rape?

LIZZY:  We weren't having sex, sir.

DEFENCE:How do you account for the many witnesses who claim to
        have seen you and your father engaging in sexual
        intercourse?

LIZZY:  We weren't having sexual intercourse, sir. But it might
        look like it to some people.

DEFENCE:Witnesses claim to have seen your father's penis enter
        your body in many different ways. Isn't that basically
        the definition of sex?

LIZZY:  Yes, sir. But we weren't having sex.

DEFENCE:Then what would you call it?

LIZZY:  It is a private religious practice.

WEINER:(Banging gavel) Order in the court room! You may continue.

DEFENCE:What would this religion be called?

LIZZY:  It's private. I can't tell you.

DEFENCE:May I remind you that you are under oath.

LIZZY:  I know, sir, but my god forbids me from disclosing his
        name in public. I don't want to go to hell.

DEFENCE:Who introduced you to this private religion? Your father?

LIZZY:  No sir. It was my grandmother, but my whole family
        practices it.

PROSECUTION:Objection. This testimony is making a mockery of
        this court and is simply a ruse to avoid the law.

WEINER: Mr. Fiegn. Freedom of religion is one of the cornerstones
        of our country's constitution. I will be the judge on what
        is and isn't the law here. I will allow it for the time
        being.
        Defence, please continue.

DEFENCE:Thank you your honor. Lizzy, that is quite a claim and as
        you can see, one that is not very credible. Can you tell
        me why I should believe you?

LIZZY:  What do you mean?

DEFENCE:Well, for starters, how can you be engaged with your father
        in something that looks like sexual contact and not have it
        be sexual?

LIZZY:  Oh. Well, it's hard to explain. It's kinda' like... well,
        it's just not sex. That's all. We're not even aware what
        we're doing. It's like a meditation, or a trance. We feel
        closer to god. That's all.

DEFENCE:Are there any drugs involved in this... meditation?

LIZZY:  No, sir! We would never do anything illegal.

DEFENCE:Isn't underage sexual intercourse illegal?

LIZZY:  But, we didn't have sex!

DEFENCE:Lizzy, I'm finding this hard to swallow. Can you tell us
        how you can be coupled with your father genitally and not
        be having sex?

LIZZY:  It just isn't. I don't know how to explain it. I can show
        you, if it'll help.

DEFENCE:Show us? How?

LIZZY:  Me and daddy. If you'll let us.

PROSECUTION:Objection, your honor! The witness is suggesting that
        she has sex with her father in this court room!

WEINER: There is the suggestion that it is in fact not sexual
        intercourse. I will allow it for the time being, but be
        warned that at the first sign that it is not a religious
        ritual, I will stop it and hold the defense in contempt.

DEFENSE:Understood, your honor. Does Mr. Balmouth have permission
        to approach the witness?

WEINER: (Motions with approval to the defense with his hand.)

        (Mr. Balmouth approaches his daughter who steps down
         from the witness stand.)

LIZZY:  Hi, daddy. Do you think god will mind if we show them?

MR. BALMOUTH:No honey. I think it's okay this time. Do you have
        any incense? They took mine.

LIZZY:  Uh huh. It's in my purse.
        (Lizzy removes a stick from her clutch purse.)
        Um, your honor? I know it's a no smoking building, but
        we have to purify the air for this to work.

WEINER: I'll allow it.

LIZZY:  Thank you, your honor. Oooooaaaoaaaaaoaaaaaaaa!

WEINER: Excuse me.

LIZZY:  Huh?

WEINER: Would you please describe to the court you are doing and
        it's relevance to this ritual?

LIZZY:  Oh. I'm raising my arms up to heaven to call forth the
        spirit.

WEINER: And the sound you were making?

LIZZY:  I was calling.

WEINER: Proceed.

LIZZY:  Oooooaaaoaaaaaoaaaaaaaaooooooooaaaooooeeeeeeee!
        Now daddy must rid my body of it's earthly senses. Um, 
        I'll have to remove my clothes now, okay?

PROSECUTION:Objection your honor!

WEINER: Overruled. Proceed.

LIZZY:  Ooooeeeeeooooeeeeeee. No daddy. You have to pinch them
        harder. They have to stand up. Ow! Okay, that's good.
        Eeeeeooooaaaaaaoooaaaaaaaaa, yup yup yup!
        Now I must be cleaned naturally by daddy.

PROSECUTION:Objection! Mr. Balmouth is licking his daughter!

WEINER: Overruled! One more outburst like that and I will fine
        you!

LIZZY:  Ooooooaaaaaaaaaaa! Now daddy must clean me down there.
        It is the most dirty place on my body and I must be at
        my best for god to cum. (Typo)

Mr. Balmouth:Oh god. We offer ourselves to you to purify us and
        give us your word.

LIZZY:  Daddy has to be naked too, okay?

WEINER: Proceed.

LIZZY:  Oh. And I must clean him too.

WEINER: Okay. But I warn you not to do anything without explaining
        it first, understood?

LIZZY:  Yes, sir.

PROSECUTION:Your honor, Miss Balmouth is giving her father a blowjob
        in the courtroom!

WEINER: Stand down! I will not have you desecrate this sacred act.

PROSECUTION:But your honor! Mr. Balmouth is fully erect! I object
        That this is a sexual act!

WEINER: Miss Balmouth.

LIZZY:  Mmmfff?

WEINER: Don't you think that performing fellatio until your father
        gets an erection is sexual?

LIZZY:  He's only doing that to make it easier to clean the hard to
        get spots.

WEINER: That makes sense.

PROSECUTION:Your honor!

WEINER: The prosecution will sit down and be quiet. Proceed, Miss
        Balmouth.

LIZZY:  Thank you, sir. Now I need some help with this next part.
        I need somebody to hold me off the ground, and he must be
        cleaned first. Can it be my lawyer?

DEFENSE:I have no objection your honor!

WEINER: Does the prosecution object?

PROSECUTION:This is madness!

WEINER: I will take that as a yes. You may proceed.

LIZZY:  Okay, Pete? Drop your pants... oh, you already did. Okay,
        now hold me up by my shoulders, daddy will lift my hips.
        Now I'm going to lean my head back and take you into my mouth.
        Don't drop me, no matter what!

DEFENSE:Whatever you say. Oooh!

WEINER: Let the record show that Miss Balmouth is excused from any
        descriptions for the time being.

MR. BALMOUTH:Pete. You have to call to god.

DEFENSE:What?

MR. BALMOUTH:You have to call out to god.

DEFENSE:Like how?

MR. BALMOUTH:Just say, 'Oh god'.

DEFENSE:Oh god.

MR. BALMOUTH:Oh god.

DEFENSE:Oh god.

MR. BALMOUTH:Oh god.

DEFENSE:Oh god!

MR. BALMOUTH:Oh god.

DEFENSE:OH GOD!!

MR. BALMOUTH:Oh god.

DEFENSE:OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!!

MR. BALMOUTH:Your doing fine. Oh god.

DEFENSE:OHGODOHGODOHGOD!! OH MY GOD!!! Hhnnnnggnnnn!

MR. BALMOUTH:Do you see the light now?

DEFENSE:YES!!!

WEINER: Is the defense saying that it was truly a religious
        experience.

DEFENSE:Yes your honor. My life is forever changed.

WEINER: Will the prosecution agree?

PROSECUTION:The prosecution will not, your honor!

WEINER: Will the prosecution be willing to take part in
        the ritual to verify for himself that it is not
        indeed a religious experience?

PROSECUTION:Er, what? No!

WEINER: Then will the prosecution concede that this is in fact
        a valid religion?

PROSECUTION:But....

WEINER: Put up or shut up, Mr. Feign!

PROSECUTION:The prosecution concedes.

WEINER: Then I hear by declare that the Balmouth's were not
        engaging in sexual congress in anyway and that they 
        were in fact exercising their lawful right of freedom
        of religion.
        Does the prosecution have any other charges they would
        like to make?

PROSECUTION:Not at this time, your honor.

WEINER: Then I hear by declare this trail over.

        Mr. and Miss Balmouth.

LIZZY:  Yes?

MR. BALMOUTH:Yes your honor?

WEINER: In the future I would suggest that you practice your
        religion in a more private setting.

LIZZY:  Yes, sir!

WEINER: Also, I would like to learn more about your beliefs. 
        Would you be willing to come to my house and discuss them
        with me?

LIZZY:  I would be honored! Do you mind if my sisters came along?

WEINER: Not at all. Bring the whole family.

        Court is now dismissed!


        <END>