Title: Oosh Wins an Award
Author: oosh@gmx.net
Keywords: FF,humour,humor,lesbian

Oosh Wins an Award
by oosh@gmx.net
11 September 2001 (about 02:00 GMT)

"Wow," I muttered. "I'm really feeling strange." I put down my fork.

She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. "Maybe you are a bit
flushed," she said, eventually. "And why do you keep wriggling like
that?"

"I'm not wriggling, am I?" But I couldn't help it. I just had to
squirm. Without any reason, I was starting to feel aroused. Not just
slightly, either.

"There! You just did it again. You're like a cat on hot bricks. What's
going on?"

"I don't know." I blushed. Something very strange was happening, and I
was pretty sure I hadn't felt anything like this before. "Excuse me
just a moment." I flipped up my skirt and tugged my panties down. The
coolness of the air confirmed my suspicions.

"What's come over you? Got ants in your pants?" She was almost
laughing.

"It's extraordinary, I..." I squirmed some more.

She must have recognized the symptoms. "Well, I promise I didn't put
Viagra in the stew."

I had to touch: just a little squeeze to ease the throbbing. But what
my fingers encountered was a complete surprise. There had been some
kind of extraordinary change in my private geography. I lifted my
skirt and had a look.

"Now you've gone pale," she said, rising from her chair. "What is it?"

"You're not going to believe this," I gulped. "Promise you won't
laugh."

She shook her head. "You tell me first."

"I've..." I gave a little cough. "I think I've got three clits."

"You've...?" For a moment, her eyes were wide with surprise. But then
I think the absurdity of what I'd said must have dawned on her. Her
eyes twinkled, she put her head back and opened her mouth and then -
I'm quoting from memory, but it was something like "HA HA HA HA HA..."
for quite a long time, and then "I've never heard anything so bloody
ridiculous. HA HA HA HA..." Et cetera.

So when she'd calmed down and told me not to be so daft, and I'd
assured her that I was being completely serious, of course she had to
have a look. Then it was her turn to go a bit pale. "Bugger me," she
said, "You have an' all. Three clits. Wow." She seemed quite
impressed. "And two of them look like they're made of gold. How on
earth did that happen?"

"Don't ask," I said gruffly. "Eat."

I don't remember much of the ensuing conversation. There was a certain
amount of "Mph-mph-mmmph" from her, and a certain amount of
"Wa-wa-wah" from me, and as usual I nearly snapped her head off her
shoulders, but not quite.

"Oooh," I gasped finally, still shivering. "Thanks. You saved my life."

"Looks like I struck gold, then," she quipped, sitting back on her
haunches.

"Yeah," I panted. "I think we both did."

---

[My thanks to those who worked so hard on the Golden Clitorides Awards
2001, and to those who voted according to their conscience (democracy
needs you!). My congratulations to all the winners. - O.]