Jan

 
Chapter One

As I unlocked the door to my apartment it occurred to me that today marked three years here.  Three years.  Over a thousand days.  Three years since I realized that my wife of ten years was gone for good, taking our daughter with her, running off with a high-school flame that rekindled on Facebook.  Two states away.  I straightened my back and shrugged it off.  Water under the bridge.  I counted my blessings.  I was forty, healthy, had a good job, friends, family.  Those were positives.

The negatives.  Women.  It took me a year after the divorce was final before I even thought about dating again, and I found that it wasn’t what I wanted.  A thirty-odd year old engineer is a FIND to a lot of women, and I can’t count how many I ducked and ran from, women who thought that a couple of dates and a couple of bounces in the hay could be parlayed into marriage, and I found enough baggage being dragged along to fill the belly of a 747.  I guess the fact that I wasn’t ready to buy that load was a sign that I had baggage of my own.

For the last year or so, I was celibate.  Yes, I enjoyed sex, but I guess Mom and Dad ruined it for me because I couldn’t separate it from love, even little bits of both, and I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my deeper feelings for one-night stands, nor was I going to start up with somebody I wasn’t planning on finishing with.

That left me as the guy who’d go out with whoever, do the dinner and a movie, but the bedding wasn’t going to happen, and if the dinner and a movie didn’t lead to another, well, there was always the next one.  And I had a couple of female friends who finally saw what I was doing and we’d go out and have good times together, but that was the extent of the relationships.

My life consisted of working a job that was as much hobby as anything else, and travelling on weekends and vacations, and socking money away while I lived in a two-bedroom apartment in a pretty nice fourplex in my small home city.

And it was a springtime Saturday, a good laundry day, and according to a notice posted by the mailbox, it was also the day the apartment swimming pool opened for the first time after the winter.   I surmised that at 9 AM I could go down and swim a few laps while my laundry was washing, so I grabbed the laundry bags and headed down the walk to the laundry room, adjacent to the pool.  I tossed my towel onto a lounge and flipped backward off the pool edge into the water.

After the initial shock of the coolish water, I began to stretch my muscles in a slow crawl, a couple laps just to get things going in the right direction, then I sped up a bit, bumping up my heart rate and did a few more laps.  I was in my own little world, feeling my muscles contract and relax, my lungs expand and expel, just minding the rhythm of my body when my reverie was interrupted by a splash and surge.  I finished the lap and threw an arm up on the edge of the pool and turned to see who’d joined me.

Girl,  Teen, I dunno, maybe fifteen or sixteen, in a decidedly un-revealing one-piece swimsuit.  Her hair was darkened by the water, so it could’ve been brunette.

“Hi,” she said.  “D’ya mind if I join you?”

“Nah,” I said.  “I figured that somebody’d show up sooner or later.  I didn’t want to dodge kids when I was swimming laps.”

“Oh,” she said.  “I’ll stay out of your way.”

I smiled, “Oh, I don’t mean it like that.  Besides, I’m finished with my laps.”

“I’m Jan,” she said.  “In “D”.

That was the other end of the building.  “Hi, Jan,” I said.  “I’m Dan.  I’m in “A”.”

“Oooohhhh,” she said.  “I wondered who lived there.”

“Just me.”

She smiled pleasantly, her shoulders just above the water.  “Wife?  Kids?”

“Nope.  Divorced.  Wife’s two states over with my six-year old daughter.  Just me.”  I climbed out of the pool.

“Are you leaving?” she asked.  “I’m sorry if I was askin’ too many questions.”

“No, I’m doin’ laundry.  I need to go put my clothes in the dryer.  You’re okay…”

“Oh, okay…”

I was back in five minutes, having performed essential laundry functions.  I flopped backward into the pool at the end opposite her and surfaced, wiping the water from my face.

“You swim like you know what you’re doin’,” she said.

“I had lessons in high school, a long, long time ago,” I said.  “I still remember some of it.”

“I never had lessons,” Jan said.  “I sorta learned enough not to drown, though.”

“That’s how most people do it,” I said.  I watched her swim the length of the pool.  It was a decent crawl.  She hung onto the pool wall beside me.  “Well, I did take swimmin’ at the YMCA for a couple of weeks.”

“You’re doing just fine,” I said.

She smiled.  A nice smile, too, even white teeth, pink lips, a nose that turned up just a tiny amount, blue eyes, a scattering of freckles across her nose and on her shoulders.  “Thank you,” she said.  She got out of the pool and turned to me.  “I gotta go do the laundry thing, too,” she said.  “I’ll be back if you’re still here.”

I went back to swimming laps until I felt the splash.  Jan was back.  “Race?” she said.

I’m sorry.  It wasn’t much of a race.  The pool wasn’t very big, and I could accelerate easily and I was a body length ahead when I hit the wall.

She surfaced a couple of seconds after me and looked at me.  “You didn’t hold back, did you?”

“Nope…  Should I have?”

“No,” she said.  “I just thought you might, though.”

“Why?”

“’Cuz a lot of guys would do that.”

“A lot of guys might, but they’d be tryin’ to play with your mind.  I figured you wanted to see how your swimming was.”

“You’re right,” she said. “They would.  And I did.  I’m gonna have to watch you and learn how you do that.”

“It’s not that hard.  A couple of points on your form, and then it’s a matter of building strength, and you’d be as fast or faster than me.”

“You think?” she said.

“Yeah.  I think.  You’re young and your body would respond pretty good to the exercise.  Me, I need to do this so I don’t just fall apart.”

“You’re not that old…” she said, regarding me with those blue eyes.  I could see her hair better and I was betting blonde.  Short, barely jawline, even bangs across the front at eyebrow.

I climbed out of the pool and toweled off then stretched out on a lunge in the spring sun.  She climbed out behind me and did the same, then took the lounge next to me.

“How old are you?” she asked.

“I won’t answer that unless you tell me how old YOU are,” I said.

“Sixteen.”

“Forty.”

“Okay,” she giggled.  “That wasn’t so hard, was it?  How long you been living here?”

“Three years,” I said.  “And you?”

“Six months.  I’m surprised I never saw you at the laundry room, though.  I do the laundry every Saturday.”

“I don’t,” I said.  “Sometimes I do it after work…”

“Where do you work?” she asked.

I named the petrochemical plant.

“Oh, really…  what do you do there?”

“I’m an engineer.  I keep the electrical stuff working.”

“Really?  You’re the first engineer I ever met.”

‘Yeah, you probably met others.  We don’t usually make a big deal out of it.  It’s not like we have tribal tattoos or something.”

“Yuck!  I hate tattoos.”

“Me too.”  I looked a little longer.  Tallish, she was, maybe five-ten, not skinny, not fat, her suit filled out nicely at the hips and the top bulged over a smallish pair of titties, maybe a B.

“You live here with your mom and dad?”  I looked and saw her face darken, the smile fading noticeably.  I surmised I’d asked the wrong question.

“No, with my grandma.”

“Oh,” I said. “I didn’t mean to hit a nerve.”

“Did it show?” she asked.

“Yes, it did.  I’m sorry.  I guess things’re different today.”

“No, that’s okay, Mister Dan.  You couldn’t know.”

“You don’t have to call me “Mister”.  It makes me nervous.  I think there’s somebody else here.”

“Okay.  Dan.”

“Better.”

She smiled again.

“That’s better, too,” I said.

“What’s better?” she looked at me quizzically.

“That you’re smiling again.”  I heard the buzz of the dryer’s cycle ending.  I got up and checked it.  Clothes still wet.  Another handful of quarters and I was back.  Jan was still there.

“I live with my grandmother.  Mom’s mom.”  She sighed.  “It’s kinda strange.”

“Strange?  Stuff happens.”  I looked at her.

“It did.  Not the kind of stuff you want to talk about to other people, you know.”

“Then don’t talk about it.  It’s nobody’s business unless you make it their business.”  I looked at her eyes.

She sighed.  “I know.  But sometimes I just WANT to talk about it. But I sure don’t have friends I want to talk about it with.”

“What about your grandma?” I questioned.

“It’s NOT the same.  She already knows.  Everything.”

“How long have you been living with your grandma, Jan?”

“Six months.  She’s been here a long time.  I moved in six months ago.”

“Oh,” I said.  I could see something in her eyes.  I didn’t get a chance to see it long, though, because we both heard the dryer buzz.  I glanced at my watch.  “That would be yours.  Mine has another fifteen minutes.”

She got up and in a couple of minutes was back, sitting sideways on the lounge, her knees together, her arms crossed, propped up on them, looking at me.  “Are you a good listener, Dan?”

“I’ve been told I was.  You wanna talk?  I’ll listen.”  Her hair was starting to dry.  It was blonde, teetering on the edge of what people wanted to call strawberry.

“Life sucks,” she said.  “At least it did.”

“I’ve felt like that myself, Jan.  But it does get better occasionally.”

“Yeah, but it’s got a lot of suckage, Dan.”

“So what makes a cute blonde sixteen year old girl think that life sucks?”

“Mom’s in jail.”

“Jail?”

She sighed.  “Prison, actually.”

“I’m sorry.”  What do you say to that revelation?

“I am too, but it’s not like she didn’t deserve it.”

“Oooo-kay…”

“And when they arrested her, the only place I could go was to Grandma’s.”

“What about your dad?” I asked.

“Huh!  Mom says she doesn’t know who my dad is.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again.  “That’s tough.”

“Tell me about it.”  She looked at me, her eyes awfully hard for her youth.  “Do you know what “slut” is?”

“I’ve heard the term.”

“That was my mom.  Except she did it professionally from time to time.  In the same apartment with her daughter.  And drugs. She did drugs.  And booze.  And both. I’ve seen it all.”

“I’m sorry.”  Wow!  I ran through a whole lot of thoughts.  None of them seemed to fit her revelations.

“I…  You don’t need to keep sayin’ you’re sorry, Dan.  It’s not YOUR fault.”

“Well, Jan, I don’t know what else to say…”

“I told you it sucked.”

“And I told you I’d listen.”  And I listened.  My dryer went off again, and I loaded my laundry in the basket and went back out to the pool and listened some more.  Finally, others showed up at the pool, an older couple, and Jan stopped talking.

“I guess I’ll go bring my stuff home,” she said.

“Me too.”  I got up and we walked to the gate.  I let her go first and as we got in front of my apartment, I said, “Jan, if you need to talk any more…  I’ll be at the pool about eight thirty in the morning.”

She smiled again.  Pretty smile.  “Thanks, Dan.  I appreciate you listening.  I may be there in the morning.”

I entered my apartment, sat down and folded and put away my clothes, did the domestic thing, vacuuming, straightening.  Finally lunchtime came and I ate a sandwich and then kicked back with a book.  And made it through Saturday.

Sunday morning I slept until seven-thirty and then ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast, then changed into my swim trunks, grabbed a towel, and headed out the door.  And ran into Jan on the sidewalk, in the same drab swimsuit, towel in hand.  The difference from yesterday was that today her hair was dry, shiny, blonde with traces of red.

“Hi, Jan,” I said.

“Hi, Dan.”  She smiled at me a bit shyly, but a smile nonetheless.

“Tell me,” I said bravely, “That hair color…”

“It’s real.  Strange, ain’t it?”

“Yeah, strange, like in some women pay a hundred bucks trying to get that color.  It’s unusual.  Nice.”

She grinned.  “Thank you!”  We were at the pool edge.  She tossed her towel on a lounge and I tossed mine on the lounge next to it as I heard her splash.

I flipped backward into the water and started swimming slowly, stretching. She swam alongside until I made my second lap and I sped up.  She stopped and clung to the edge at the deep end.  I stopped.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m okay.  Why?”

“You stopped.  I thought you might’ve got a cramp or something.”

“No, I was watching to see what you do different.”

“Oh,” I said, “try keeping your legs straight and make your arms go straight out in front of you then straight back.  And your head, don’t try to hold it out of the water.  You’re not going to sink.  Do two strokes then turn your head and breathe.”

“Okay,” she said.  And she tried.  I swam beside her, holding back a bit so she could keep up and we cut the water together.  After fifteen minutes, we stopped.

“You’re doing a lot better,” I said.  “I can tell the difference.”

“It feels like I’m doing better.”  She smiled.  I jack-knifed backward and swam to the pool bottom, letting the water wash over me and cool me down, and then I started cutting laps again.  Jan swam behind me.  I sensed her there and slowed a bit.  Another ten minutes and I stopped hanging on the pool edge, cooling down.  She clung to the edge, facing me.  “Wow!  I can feel that.  I was sore this morning.”

“If you’re not used to it, you’re going to be sore.”

“I’m not used to it.”

“Me neither.  I haven’t swam all winter.  I should’ve been going to the Y or something.  I’ll be sore at work tomorrow.”  I smiled at her.

She shook stray wet hair away from her face.  “I’ll be sore at school.  Let’s get out.”  She hauled herself out of the water and I followed.  We toweled off and she said, “Sit for a while.”

“Okay,” I said.  I turned sideways and laid back on the lounge.  “So what grade are you in school?”

“Sophomore,” she said.  “An’ not a good one.”

“Really?  What’s wrong?”

“I just don’t do good.  I missed so much school last year.  I’m barely passing science and math.  I’ll make C’s in English and history.”

“Did you ask for help?  From your teachers?”

“Yeah,” she said, “but they want me to stay after school.  And I need to ride the bus home.  So I can’t.”  And a strange look crossed her face.  “Saaayyyyyy!  You’re an engineer.  You know all that math an’ stuff…”

“Yeah.  It kinda goes with the territory.  But it’s been twenty years…”  I thought a bunch of thoughts.

“But you know it, huh?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Could you help me with it?”  Her eyes were twinkling below those bangs, wet, clinging to her forehead.  “I mean, if you COULD…”

“Uh, I could, but Jan…”

“But what?  Am I bein’ pushy, Dan?  I’m sorry…”

“No, Jan, it’s not that at all.  It’s just that…  How would we do this?  At your house?”

“What’s wrong with yours?  That way we don’t disturb Grandma.  You know how little those apartments are…”

“Yeah, I know, but… “  I went ahead and said it.  “Jan, you’re sixteen.  I could get in trouble if people thought we were up to something…”

Her face clouded over.  “Dan.  We’re NOT up to something.  I’m tryin’ to get help with my schoolwork.”

“And you’re going to tell your Grandma where you’re at?”

“You can come meet her and tell her yourself.”  She had a determined look on her face, a little crinkle between her brows, her lips tight.

I sighed.  “In that case, okay.  When’s this supposed to start?”

“What’s wrong with today.  I’ve got six weeks to get my math up to pass this year.”

“Well, let’s go then.”  I got up.

“Nuh-uh,” she said.  “You need to go get dressed.  You ain’t gonna impress my grandma in your bathing suit.”  She was still sitting.  She looked up at me with a wry smile.

“Good point,” I said.  “Let’s go.”

In front of my apartment she turned to me.  “I’ll come get you in twenty minutes.”

“Okay,” I said.  I went inside, showered quickly, shaved, splashed on a little cologne and then dressed in slacks and a polo shirt.  I’d just slipped my second shoe on when there was a knock at the door.  I opened it to find Jan standing there, dressed quite nicely herself, jeans, a man’s cotton long-sleeved shirt, her hair brushed to a shine, smiling.

She grabbed my hand.  “Come on,” she said.  “You’re the first guy I ever brought home to meet Grandma!”

I was parsing that statement when we climbed the steps to her front door.  She opened it and dragged me in.  Her grandma was standing in the little living room. ”Grandma, this is Mister Dan.  He’s the engineer I told you about.”  Jan turned to me.  “Mister Dan, this is my grandmother, Mizz Leona Griffin.”

“Hello, Mizz Griffin,” I said, extending my hand.  “I’m Dan Jansen.”

“Hello, Dan.  Jan tells me you can help her with her schoolwork?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said.  “I think I can do that, if she wants.”

Grandma was mid-sixties, her hair a solid silver that I was sure wasn’t completely natural, but tastefully done, and her face was aged, but not badly.  I suppose she was actually pretty for her age.  She was slender and conservatively dressed.

“She said that you could study with her at your house?”

“Yes, ma’am.  And I told her that before such a thing happened, I wanted you to know where she was, and with whom.”

“Dan, you can drop the “ma’am” with me.  I appreciate you wanting to tell me.”

“Uh, the “ma’am” part comes too naturally for me.  My momma’d beat me on the head if she found out.”

“Your momma taught you well.  But please…”

“Okay, I’ll try.  But I just didn’t want anyone thinking things when they saw a sixteen year old girl go in a forty year old guy’s apartment.”

“Hah,” Leona snorted.  “D’ya think people pay attention to that sort of thing these days?”

“You never know,” I said.  “And I’m not interested in learning a prison lifestyle.”

I looked to see Jan standing there with a backpack full of books.  “But as long as you know she’s there, then I’m okay with it.”

“Dan, I’m glad you offered.  I’m an office administrator, and her math is something I’ve not messed with in too many years to help.”  Leona looked at Jan.  “Looks like she’s actually WANTING to get to it.  That’s new.”

“Really?” I said.  “She asked me.”

Leona smiled.  I thought it a strange thing to smile at.  “Then go see what you can do with her.”

“Okay,” I said.  “But here’s my card.”  I wrote my home phone number on the back.  “This is my home number, and my cell number, and if you get the urge, just come knock on the door and see what we’re doing.  Okay?”  Front door lock.  Stayed locked.  I know that in days past, people could leave their doors unlocked when they were at home, but news of home invasions stopped that.

“Come on, little girl,” I said.  “Let’s go learn stuff!”  I turned to Leona.  “Oh, it’s almost lunchtime.  Can I take her out to lunch?”

Leona regarded me with slightly hooded eyes.  “Or she could eat a sandwich here.”

Jan’s smile told me what I wanted to know.  “Leona, why don’t you come to lunch with us.  It’s on me.”

Leona smiled a bit.  “Well, thank you.  Let me get my purse.”

Five minutes later we were on the road, Jan sandwiched between me and her grandmother in the front seat of my pickup truck.  We hit a Chinese buffet and an hour later we were back home.

I unlocked the front door of my apartment and held it open for Jan to enter.  I closed and locked the door behind me.

Jan turned, smiling.   “Wow, Dan!   This place looks nice.”

I laughed.  “What’d you expect?  A bachelor pad with dishes piled in the sink and crap all over the place?  Oh come on!  That’s a stereotype!”

Giggle!  “You never know WHAT to expect.”

“Put your books on the table.  Let’s get started.”  I was serious about my role.  Nothing but “Help me with my homework.”  That’s all.

“Wait,” she said.  “Show me the rest of the place.”

‘Oh, come, Jan!  It’s just like your apartment, except reversed.”

Jan’s face.  Determined.

“Oh, okay…”  I changed into tourguide mode.  “Here’s the bathroom.”  I was glad I’d tidied up.  Well, I wasn’t the type to let things go TOO far anyway, but I’d spent yesterday cleaning.

“Neat,” she said.  I noticed her carefully surveying the countertop.  Toothbrush.  One.

“And this is the spare bedroom.  I use it for my toys.”

“You have a desktop computer?  Neat!”  Nice desk. And a bike.  I have a bike.  We can go riding.”

I noted that statement, too.  “We”.

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door to my bedroom.  “And this is my bedroom.”  Once again, neatness paid off.  The bed was made.  No clothes on the floor.

“Uh-huh,” she said.  “You keep a neat house.”

“I try. Now.  School work.”

“Yessir,” she said, smiling.

We sat at the table and opened the books.  High school algebra.  Just like swimming, I had to stretch some mental muscles.  Just a little bit.  Excel and MathCAD had dulled a few edges.

She asked questions.  We backtracked.  I showed her examples, talked her through a few problems, then left her a couple and let her tell me what she was doing as she worked her way through them.  And she did.

“Absolutely correct!” I said.  Her grin was epic.

“I GET it!,” she said.  “I SEE how it works!  Dan!  I really SEE!”

“Great!”  I was excited for her.  “Wanna coke?”

“Yeah!  Sure!”

I got us each a can from the fridge.  I handed her one.  “Let’s sit for a while.  We deserve a break.”  I sat on the sofa at one end.  She sat at the other, facing me, her leg tucked underneath her.

She took a sip and smiled.  “Wow, Dan!  It’s the first time I really saw what I was trying to do.”

I smiled.  “That’s the key, babe…  uh, Jan.  You have to understand the principles.  Or you have to learn enough to go through the motions to pass.  It’s better for you if you understand the principles.”

“I understand, for the first time.  You explained it to me.”  She was excited about that.

We finished our drinks and went back to work, this time on science.  It was easy stuff, and she just needed somebody to talk her through a few ideas and then I let her explain to me what she thought she was reading.  It was good.  I watched and listened as she wrote out her homework.

Finally it was finished, and we were bumping late afternoon.  She was packing away her books.

“So what do you do for the rest of Sunday?” I asked.

“I guess I’m gonna go home and read,” she said.  “I go to the library a lot.”  She looked around.  “You have lots of books here, don’t you?”

“Yeah.  And I go to the library myself.  Call me if you need a ride.”

She smiled.  “I’ll do that,” she said.

And she walked out my door.
Chapter Two

It was completely innocent.  Pleasant also, to be sure.  I’d get home at a bit before five and head to the pool, and Jan would be there.  Occasionally the old couple would be there too, sometimes with their son and his wife and a grandchild, but generally Jan and I had the pool to ourselves.  That was fine with me.  The daily workout, twenty or thirty minutes in the pool, a good fifteen or twenty minutes of fast laps, that was good for me.  After a month I noted that I seldom needed to slow down for Jan.

And it was customary after swimming for each of us to retire to our apartments and a half an hour later for me to hear the knock on the door, and Jan would come in and books would come open.

Like this one Monday.

“Jan,” I said, “you seem to have a handle on this stuff.”

“Uh-huh,” she grinned, pulling a paper from her backpack.  Squeal!  “Look!  Another “A”!”

“Am I missing something?” I asked.  “Every algebra paper you’ve brought me has been an A.”

“I know,” she grinned.  “All I needed was a push.”

“And science?”

“Here!”  Another “A” grade paper.

“What about English?”

“A-minus.”

“History?”

“B”.

“You’re passing, then.”

“Yes I am. I’ve never had grades like this, Dan.”

We went through the day’s work.  I watched.  She talked to me through each exercise.

“Jan, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Dan.”

“Why don’t I see you going out with your friends?  I mean, you’re sixteen.”

The clouds came over her face.  “I don’t want to, Dan.”

“You don’t?”

“No, I most assuredly do not.”

“Why?”

“I’m sort of an outsider.”

“If you want to talk about it…”

“You never asked…” she sighed.  “Kids think I’m supposed to be like my mom.  Boys think I’m gonna be a slut an’ do anything with anybody.  Girls think I’m like that with every boy.”  Her head bowed and she said quietly, “I’m not, Dan.  I’m sixteen.  And I’m a virgin.  Not a slut.”  When her head raised, there was a tear running down her cheek.

“I’m sorry, Jan.  I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

“’S okay, Dan.  You didn’t know.  We started talking that one time, is all.  And I never told you everything.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything, babe…  Jan…”

“But I NEED to.  I shuttled back and forth between Mom’s house and Grandma’s all my life.  Mom had to go to jail a bunch of times.  An’ when she wasn’t in jail, it was one guy after another.  You don’t know how many times I went to bed scared that one of her guys’d come in my room at night.  It happened.  And I screamed bloody murder.  I hate guys!”

This was an unexpected turn.  I looked at her.

“Not like THAT, Dan.  I mean, I hate guys who just want that one thing.  And I guess that’s the only kind that came home with Mom.”  She sniffed.  “And at school, everybody knows “her mom is that whore that’s in jail” and guys just thought that I had to be like that.”

“Every guy is not like that, Jan.”

She turned her face toward me, tears tracking down her soft cheeks.  “I know, Dan.  You’re not.  I know there are some good ones.”

“You’ll find one, Jan.  Just don’t give up.  You’re bright and pretty and you’re worth too much to sell yourself short.”

“I won’t, Dan.  But you know what hurts now?”

“What?”

“Since I don’t go out with guys, they’re sayin’ I’m a lesbian.”

“I know it’s hard, Jan, but ignore ‘em.  We’re gonna get you through this year of school, and everybody’s gonna see your last six weeks’ grades and they’re gonna wonder what happened.  And next year…”

“Next year?”

“Yeah.  Next year.  If you can do THIS stuff now, Next year you’re gonna blow their socks off.  From Day One.  They can ignore a lot.  And they can call names.  But they’re gonna see Jan on top of the stack in academics.  That’ll give ‘em something to talk about.”

She gave one more sniff as a smile crept out of hiding.

“You said I was bright. Like in “smart”?”

“Yes.”  You needed a kickstart, Jan.  Do you realize that we’ve been at this for four weeks and you hardly need help at all?”

Her eyes were twinkling.  “Uh…”

“Don’t get me wrong,” I said.  “I enjoy every day that you and I get together, and I enjoy our swims, and I enjoy having you come over every day, but really, do you really NEED my help?  Really?”

Small voice.  “Wellllll…”

“I don’t want you to stop, Jan.  You’re sort of my best friend now.  I don’t know how I’d handle myself if you weren’t here every day.”

“Me neither,” she said.  “Grandma just shrugs when I show her my papers and says, “That guy’s good for you, huh?”

“I hope she knows what’s going on here.  School work.”  And I caught something in her look.

Wednesday she was at my computer tapping out an essay for English.

Thursday evening we were at the table putting the finishing touches on her homework.  As she put her books away she paused.  “Dan.”

“Yes, Jan?”

“Grandma’s got a date this weekend…”

“Okay,” I said.  I knew that her grandma did indeed go out on dates, and most of the time I got a phone call from her telling me that she was going and could I be so kind as to look out for Jan.  She’d even gave assent for Jan and I to go to dinner and a movie a couple of times.  I guess she felt that she was abandoning Jan.  But a weekend?

“She’s gonna call you,” Jan said.

“Why?”  I asked.

“’Cuz she’s plannin’ on my stayin’ by myself this weekend.  She says I’m sixteen and I should be okay.”

“She trusts you,” I said.

“I guess so,” Jan said, kind of dejectedly.  “I don’t cause trouble.  I don’t go out.  I’ve never had friends over.  But I’ve never spent the weekend by myself.”

“You don’t have to spend the weekend by yourself, Jan.  We can go do stuff.  Take a road trip ourselves, you know.”

Jan smiled at me.  “You don’t get tired of me?  I mean, you see me every day.”

“Jan,” I said, “you’re my best friend.  Who else would I do things with?”

“Thank you, Dan,” she smiled.  “I feel like I can relax around you.”

“Me, too. You’re easy to get along with.”  She was.  Easy to look at, too, but that was something I just didn’t want to address.  I was happy with somebody who came over every day to swim with me, then the homework and a little quiet TV watching and chatting about the day’s events.

The phone rang.  Leona’s name was on the caller ID.  “Hello, Leona, what’s up?”

“Did Jan talk to you already?  About this weekend?”

“Yeah, she mentioned you were going for the weekend.  A date?”

Leona snorted.  “I don’t know if I call it a date, but yes, we’re leaving after work Friday and we’ll get back Sunday evening.”

“Okay…” I said.

“Jan’s fine by herself, Dan.  She’s sixteen.  And she knows she can call you.  You’ll be here, right?”

“Sure, Leona.  Look, is it okay if Jan and I run the roads together?  Like dinner and a movie or whatever?”

“I don’t have a problem with that, Dan.  You know I told you that she’s turned school around.  We get along better.  I appreciate it.”

“Good!” I said.  “She helps me out, too.  It’s good having an exercise partner and a live human being to talk to.”  I looked at Jan.  She was smiling.

Leona continued, “Whatever you two do is okay with me.”

I thought that was an interesting turn of a phrase, but in the month or so that Jan and I had been working together, there was never so much as a touch of fingertips.  I know I’d sit next to her at the table with her books in front of us, and I could smell her, sometimes just the subtle smell of a squeaky clean teen girl, occasionally a fragile hint of perfume.

Yes, I paid attention.  I knew how her hair bounced when she shook her head, and how expressions walked across her face from her eyes to her lips, and the crinkle on her nose when she laughed, and that little crease between her eyebrows when she was determined.  I’d seen her dozens of times in that unflattering bathing suit, and I’d seen her in jeans and a sweatshirt, or a blouse, or a jersey.  I knew she was dressing deliberately to NOT show herself off, and all that time I was trying not to get THOSE thoughts about this cutie.

And now her grandmother had said “Whatever you two do is okay with me.”  And I couldn’t do a thing, because I knew some of what Jan had been through and the last thing I thought she needed was the guy she’d befriended hitting on her.

“Thanks, Leona.  I’ll take care of her.”  I looked at Jan.  she was listening in, smiling sublimely.

“’Kay, Dan.  Bye!”  Leona said.

“Sure!  Bye.  Have fun!”  I turned to Jan.  “Your grandmother says I’m supposed to be here if you need something, and it’s okay for us to go run the roads together.”

Giggle.  “I knew she’d say that, Dan.  We talked.”

“About me?”

“Yeah.  About you.  She likes you.  Says you’re good for me.”  She smiled again.  “I think so too.”  She stood up.  Homework was finished.  “Wanna coke?” she asked.

“Sure.  Let’s see what’s on TV.”  And she and I again occupied the opposite ends of the sofa.  I had my feet propped up on an ottoman and Jan was turned sideways on the sofa, her long legs filling the distance between us.  We watched for an hour, talking about situations as they came across the screen in a sit-com.

“They make some of that look so good, Dan.”

“What part?”

“That whole, jumpin’ in and out of bed with one person after another.  People ain’t that mature.  I mean, like, maybe one of ‘em might think it’s all fine, but usually the other wants something more than that.”  She crossed her arms.  That was a registered “And THAT’S the way I feel” pose for Jan.

“I know. Believe me, I know.  Sex isn’t love, and love isn’t sex.  But they can go together.  But love should come first.”

“You got burned, huh?” she asked.  “I never asked…”

“No, you never asked.”

“Is it something you can talk about?  I listen too, you know.  Heaven knows, you listen to my story all the time.”

“D’you want to hear?  Really?”  I looked at her.  Her face was soft, receptive.

“Yes, I do.”

And so I told her about marriage and how two people can go together and then fall apart and one of them doesn’t know it.  And how empty and heart-rending it can be, trying too hard to find a mate.

“And the last one was over a year ago?” she asked.  Her expression was intent.

“Yes,” I said.  “I’ve  gone out to eat with a couple of ladies I work with, but that’s it, just out to eat.”

“No, uh, prospects?”  she looked at me with a little bit of intensity.  “But you like women, huh?”

“Of course,” I said.  “I just got tired of being used.”

“I thought it was men that used women.”

“You’re thinking about sex, Jan.  There’s much more to it than sex.  “Used” can mean much more.  I felt used when the first thing a woman wanted to know was where I worked and if I made good money, and then three dates in, she was pushing marriage.  And hadn’t bothered to get to know me.”

Jan regarded me coolly.  “Some guys would think that was wonderful.”

“Not me.  I want the whole thing. Or nothing.  I’m tired of women who think that literature is a subscription to “People” magazine and music is one of the stations on the FM dial and conversation is “He goes, an’ she says, an’ I’m like…”

Jan laughed.  “You’ve been listening to our cafeteria at lunch, huh?”

I laughed back at her.  “Yeah, but it’s kind of expected if you’re fifteen.  It’s a drag if you’re still that way when you’re almost forty and a mother or a professional woman, or both.”

“Huh!” Jan snorted.  “I hate it when I listen to it at school. It grates on me.”

One of the things I noticed in the several weeks of talking with Jan was that she didn’t do the “girlspeak” common among her age group.  Her vocabulary was more broad than I expected, too.  And music.  She’d perused my CD collection early on and commented on the dearth of country & western (I thought you’d have THAT) or contemporary, or even oldies.  Classical.  “Wow!  You have a LOT of classical music!”

“well, Jan,” I said, “what do you expect?  Really?”

“I know.  But **I** don’t enjoy it.”  She sighed.  “I guess maybe I AM weird.  Like they say.”

“I don’t know about “weird”.  I find you intelligent and refreshing to talk with.”  This got me a smile.  “I can talk to you.  I don’t know if I’d spend as much time talking to any other teen, male or female, like we talk.  It’s real conversation.”

“I know,” she said.  “You know stuff.  And I read the news or whatever, and I can talk to you about it.  That’s different.  I don’t know if any of my teachers could do this.  I mean, that algebra.  I was struggling because nobody really explained it.  But you did.  And now I get it.”

“I’m glad I could help.  Getting to have you as a friend makes it worthwhile to me.”

“You’re a good friend, Dan.  It’s nice to have someone…”

“You’ve got your grandma,” I said.

“Yeah, I know, but sometimes I feel like if she’d have REALLY had a choice, I wouldn’t be there.  I mean, all my life, she had me, on and off.  But just like this weekend.  I think that if I wasn’t living there, she’d have a whole lot different life.  I think I tied her down.”

“Tied her down?”

“Yeah.  If she hadn’t had to watch me, maybe she’d be going out more.  Maybe she’d be remarried.”

“That’s not your fault.  Does she ever bring male friends over?”

“Yeah.  For supper sometimes.  And they watch TV or a movie.  Sometimes I even sit in there with them and watch the shows.  But nobody’s ever stayed overnight, if that’s what you mean.”

“I didn’t MEAN anything.  I was just thinking that you don’t slow her down that much.”

She sighed.  “Maybe not now that she’s not afraid to leave me overnight.  But before, when I was younger, she never went anywhere overnight.”

“At least she was trying to take care of you.”

“Yeah,” she said.  “Mom didn’t care.  She’d drop me off at Grandma’s and disappear for days.  And sometimes she’d bring one of her boyfriends or whatever they’re called, and he’d spend the night.  A couple of them moved in for a while.  I didn’t like it.  NONE of them were the kind of guy I wanted to be a friend with, much less call “dad”.”  Another sigh.  “And they weren’t bashful, either.  I caught her doin’ stuff more than once.”

‘Caught her?”

“Yeah, when I was little, you know how little kids wake up?  I woke up and went looking for my Mom, and I saw the light on in the livin’ room and walked in on her and some guy.  They yelled at me.  And it happened more than one time.  I learned to stay in my room.”

“Uh-huh…  I guess so.”

Her blue eyes focused on mine.  “I mean, I know about sex and stuff, and I know that people do it, but I’m kind of like, well, I understand what YOU said, that people USE each other.  And I don’t want to be USED.”

“I know,” I said.  “I know exactly what you mean.”

She shook her head, strawberry hair bouncing around her face.  “Enough serious stuff.” She grabbed the TV remote.  “Let’s see what’s on!”

“yeah,” I said.  “You want a coke?”

“Uh-huh!”

I returned from the fridge and handed her a can, then settled back down at my end of the sofa.  She ran through the channels until she found something she wanted to see, a documentary on the educational channel.  This was a norm for Jan.  We’d watch together and talk about what we were seeing.  History we’d argue back and forth on, sometimes, about how the story was portrayed on TV, and about how we’d seen it in books.

Finally it was nine PM and time for Jan to go home.  “See you tomorrow, Jan,” I said, escorting her to the door.

She paused before she opened it and turned to face me.  “Thanks, Dan,” she said.  “You ARE my best friend.”  And she stunned me by giving me a peck on the cheek.

She closed the door behind her, leaving me standing there contemplating the first ever kiss.  It was only a peck, I told myself.  Completely innocent.  And young Jan, sixteen.  A sweet, smart, friendly girl, and I was just an older guy who gave her a little refuge in her world.  And that was all.

That’s what I tried to tell myself.  I tossed and turned in bed, trying to go to sleep.  I kept denying the tension I felt, and finally resigned myself to what I knew would relieve it.  I took my dick in my hand and stroked myself to release, cleaned up the mess I made, and finally went to sleep.

The next day was just another day at work, a Friday, but nothing earth-shattering.  Nearing quitting time, I straightened out the papers on my desk.  Being an engineer, I didn’t wait for a whistle to make my escape.  Besides, leaving when the clock struck four would just put me in the big rush out of the parking lot, so I and a couple of the other engineers sat in the conference room yakking, mostly about plant politics.  At four-fifteen I got up to leave and bid my buddies good-bye.

A half-hour later I was pulling into my parking slot at the apartment.  I went inside and changed into swim trunks, grabbed a towel and headed for the pool.  When I got there, Jan was already laying on a lounge.  When she heard the gate open, she turned, and seeing me, broke out into a big grin.  “Hey, babe!” she said.

“Babe? You never called me “babe” before…”

She smiled.  “It’s just an expression.  Between us friends.”

“Okay… Babe!”

She smiled broadly and giggled.

“And you’re a lot closer to being a babe than I am.”  I flipped backward off the edge into the pool and felt the water surge against me as she dove in.  We began our routine, swimming laps, her strokes matching mine.  Ten back and forth circuits and I hauled myself up at the end, joined immediately by a wet-headed, smiling, Jan.

“Grandma’s on the road,” she grinned.  “Let me a note.”

“You seem awfully happy about it, little girl,” I said.  “Your grandma left you alone for the weekend.”

“She didn’t leave me ALONE, Dan!  She left me with you.  And you said we’d do stuff this weekend.  Like dinner and a movie and stuff.”

“Okay…okay…  You don’t have to leave my side all weekend, then, if that’s what you want.  Where do yu want to go for dinner?”

She was glowing.  I’d never seen her quite like this.  “Italian?” she said.  “If that’s not too expensive?”

“Nope.  Not in the least.  Let’s go get changed.”  I climbed out of the pool, Jan right behind me.  She was practically skipping.  We went to our separate apartments.  I ducked in the shower, backed out, shaved, dabbed on a hint of cologne, and dressed.  I was sitting in my living room when I heard the soft knock on the door.

I opened the door to a vision.  A first.  Jan in something other than jeans.  Or that old swimsuit.  This was new.  Breathtakingly new.  Jan in a dress.  Okay, NOT a dress, but some kind of sheath thing, knit, and form-fitting in a way that made her glow, dark blue, accenting her hair, which she’d dried and brushed to perfection, the ends tucking under , her bangs laying precisely on her forehead, her lips moist, and her eyes like pools of happiness.  Her feet fit in a pair of understated flats, her legs long, slender, flawless.  A vision.

“What’dya think?  You’ve never seen me in a dress, huh?”

“My, my, my…  You do that VERY well, Jan.  You’re vision.”  I breathed in and my nose caught a subtle whiff of perfume.  “And you smell good, too.”

She grinned.  “I snagged a bit of Grandma’s perfume.  It’s not too “old lady” is it?  D’ya REALLY think I look okay?”

I took a breath.  I had to think about breathing.  “Jan, You’re astoundingly, unequivocally stunningly beautiful!”

She grinned even wider.  “Thank you, Dan!  I wanted to look good for you!”  She paused.  “Uh… so you wouldn’t be ashamed to be seen in public with me.  At a nice restaurant.”

“Good Lord!” I exclaimed, “I’d take YOU to see the Queen of England!”

She handed me a sheet of paper. On it in neat, flowing script, was a note from her grandmother addressed to her.  I read:

“Jan-  I know you’re old enough to be a responsible young lady, so I’m trusting you to be on your own this weekend.  Jim and I are doing a two-day trip, and I won’t try to call you while we’re gone. Because I don’t know your schedule and you know to call me if there’s an emergency.  Dan says you and he are going to spend the weekend together running the roads.  Have fun and be careful.  Love, Your Grandmother.”

She arched an eyebrow and said, “You and he are going to spend the weekend together.  Hmmm?”

“Uh…” I stuttered, “You could take that a lot of ways…”

“That’s what she said last night.  She thinks you’re a good guy.  Said so.  Said if she was younger…”

Jan!  Your grandmother?”

She giggled.  “Relax.  She said you were too young for her.  That you were more MY speed.”

I looked at her.  “Oh, come on, Jan!  I’m right in between you two in age.”

“Yeah,” she said, and I thought the smile on her lips was a little different than the normal happy Jan smile.

“Come on,” I said.  “Let’s go eat.”

She flashed her eyes at me.  “Sure, babe,” she said.  We walked out to my waiting truck.

Now up to this time, we’d gone a lot of places together in my truck, library, shopping, the mall, just riding, and in every case she’d buckled in on the passenger side of the bench seat.  Today she slid into the center seat.  When I cocked an eyebrow, she grinned.  “Is this a problem?”

“Nooooo,” I said.  “Just …different…”

“Good different?  Bad different? Hmmm?”  She was pressing a point.

“Okay different.”

“Like in best friends going out to eat.  One of us is a guy.  The other is a girl.  And that’s okay, huh?  I mean, like friends?”

“Very much okay.”  We drove through town.  She sat there, stealing glances, her hands folded demurely in her lap.  I will admit that I desperately wanted to put my arm around her shoulder and pull her against me.  But I couldn’t.  Wasn’t supposed to.  No.

I escorted her into the restaurant.  Escorted.  Like she was royalty.  On previous occasions when we went out to eat it was “grab a bite”, and she literally bounced up the sidewalk into a place like an excited teen.  Today she was serene, calm, like she KNEW she was a lady and DESERVED to be treated as one.  I held the door open for her and guided her through, my hand lightly touching the small of her back, relishing the texture of the light knit wool of her dress.  She tossed a look over her shoulder at me and smiled.  I smiled back.

I can tell you that Jan knew how to conduct herself in an eating establishment with proper poise and decorum.  “Grandma taught me” she’d told me weeks before.  Tonight she was serene, subdued, letting her beauty speak for her.  We enjoyed our meal together and I allowed myself a glass of wine.  One glass.  So I can’t blame the wine.

We shared a serving of tiramisu for dessert, I paid the tab, and we left.  This time, as my hand touched her back going through the door, she sidestepped into my arm.  Our eyes met and I saw it wasn’t a miss-step, and she did NOT move away.  It wasn’t the wine.  I could blame the wine, but it wasn’t the wine.  I curled my hand around her waist as we walked up the sidewalk to the truck.

I punched the keyfob to unlock it.  Normally this got me a Jan bouncing around to her side to get in.  Not this time.  As I opened my door, SHE got in and slid over.  I slid in beside her.  I heard the click as she fastened her seatbelt.  And then felt her arm slide around mine.  And heard “Mmmmmm.  Thanks, Dan.  That was wonderful.”

I took a deep breath as I backed out of the parking space.

“Is something wrong, babe?” she asked.

“Oh, gosh, Jan…  yes.  No…”

“Which is it, Dan?”

“Your touch.  It…”

“Does it feel good?”

“Yes.  It feels good.  But Jan…  I…  I’m not supposed…  I can’t…”

“You can’t what, babe?”

I took a deep breath.  “Jan.  I can’t take advantage of a sixteen year old girl.”

Coolly she said, “You’re not taking advantage me.  I am hugging your arm.  That’s all.”

“Uh, Jan…  It may just be a hug to you, but you cause lightning bolts in me.”

She giggled.  And put her chin on my shoulder.  “Hush up and drive, babe.”

As we turned onto a westbound track, I saw lightning.  This time it wasn’t the touch of Jan’s hand on my arm.  It lit a distant bank of clouds, a late spring cold front making its way toward us from the northwest.  It was nature in fiery magnificence.  I commented my thought to Jan.

She turned her head, laying soft cheek on my shoulder.  Another surge of sparks ran through my body at that sensation.  “It’s beautiful, Dan,” she said.  “But I’m scared to stay by myself in bad weather like that.”

“oh.”  Now THAT was a thought.  I was already running deep into whatever reserves of self-control I had, thanks to Little Miss Touchy-Feely, and now she was scared to stay by herself.  Oh, boy…

It was a bit shy of eight PM when we got home.   Walking toward the apartments from the parking area, she said, “I don’t have to go home right away.  Do I?”

Inside my head was a little voice that said “Tell her to go home, boy!  It’s your LAST chance!”  I ignored that little voice.  “No, you don’t, babe.  Come on in for a while.”

She sighed.  “You called ME “babe”!”

“Yes, I did,” I said.  “You are quite a babe, Jan.  No, you’re THE babe!”

I unlocked the front door and let her inside, then followed.  She made a little bit more of a show of shutting the door behind us and locking both the knob and the deadbolt.  And then she leaned back against it, smiling.

“This has been the best evening ever, so far…” big blue eyes bored through me, melting every bit of resolve I might have had.  All that was left was HER.  So beautifully perfect, sweet, smart, funny, delectable dish.  That voice in my head…  it died.  The voice behind it said, “Dammit, Dan, you’re crazy.  You’re in LOVE with a sixteen year old girl.”

And the sixteen year old girl gave her strawberry hair a sideways shake, stepped forward, and put her arms around my neck.

“I hope I’m not mis-reading this,” she said.  And she kissed me. Softly.  Tentatively.  Her lips parted and her tongue brushed my lips and my mouth opened slightly, the tip of my tongue meeting hers.  When we broke, it was to her sigh.  “I wasn’t.”   then, “Was that a good kiss, Dan?  I’ve never kissed a guy before.”

“Oh, god, Jan…  good kiss?  It’s YOU!  My soul left my body…”

Her arms were still around my neck.  She pulled me into a second kiss and I was just barely aware that my own arms had enveloped her, pulling her to me.  I’ve never felt closer to a woman while fully clothed.

Wait!  Woman?  This delectable, eager form in my arms was SIXTEEN!   Our kiss broke.  I took a deep breath, gathering what little functioning thought I had left, preparing to speak. “Uh…”

That effort got me a quick kiss and “Hush, babe.  Don’t talk.  Kiss me again.”  I complied, feeling myself being maneuvered toward the sofa.  I was pushed over backward and found myself under the body of a hundred and thirty pounds of the most perfect person in the universe.  My right hand went up, caressing the back of her head.

Finally, I got out, “Uh, Jan…”

She raised up far enough for our eyes to meet.  “Dan, tell me…”

“oh, god,” I said…  “Tell you what?  That you’re the most beautiful, perfect woman I’ve ever imagined?  That you make my heart sing?  That I LOVE you?”

Kiss…  Long.  “Yes, tell me that.”

“It’s true,” I said.  “Oh, Jan…”  I drew a breath and sighed.  “But you’re sixteen…”

She kissed me again.  “Hush, Dan!  I know how old I am.”

“But, babe, I could go to jail…”

“You won’t go to jail.  Nobody finds out, okay.  Just me and you.”

I smoothed the soft hair at her neck and pulled her down to kiss me.

“Mmmmmm….  That’s better.  I didn’t want to think it was all just me…”

Oh, god, no, beautiful girl.  I’ve died a thousand times wanting you.”

Kiss… “Mmmmmm!  You’ve got me.”  Kiss…  And a peal of thunder in the distance.  “Uh, Dan.  I don’t like to stay by myself when it’s storming.  Are you going to send me home?”

“Send you home?  No.  Never.”

“Dan, you said…  You said you loved me.”

“I love you.”  I sighed.  “I can’t help it.  I wanted to be your friend.  I wanted to help you because you asked for help.  I wanted to see you happy.  And heaven help me, with all that, I’ve fallen in love with you.”

She stayed on her perch, her body laying full-length on top of me, her face raised a short distance from mine.

“Dan.  You sound sad…”

“I’m sorry, Jan…  I didn’t want to fall in love.  I’m so tired of being hurt.  You’re beautiful, perfect, and I don’t deserve somebody as perfect as you…”

“I’ll never hurt you, Dan…” her hands held the sides of my face and she lowered her head.  Our lips met again.  I drank her.  I felt like I was being consumed in return.  “I never wanted to be like this with any guy.  Never.”  We kissed again.  “Guys are horrible creatures with one thing on their minds.  And you!  You ruined that for me.” We kissed again.

My hands wandered over her sleek form, the knit wool of her dress about the second most sensuous feeling I could imagine with her where she was.  She started to slide and pushed her right leg in between mine to anchor herself.

“Wait,” I said.  I shifted so that I wasn’t laying half on, half off the sofa, and she wasn’t sliding.  But she didn’t move that leg.  And as much as I might have wished otherwise, a part of me came alive…  I tried subtly wiggling to move it to a less –obtrusive—position, but I think that just made matters worse. I felt Jan move, stop, and move again.

And she looked into my eyes.  “Dan, I know what that is, you know…”

“I’m sorry, baby,” I said.  “It’s got a mind of its own…  You’re…”

“Shhhh!” she kissed me again.  “I know.  I’m having a problem I’ve never had before too…”

“Problem?  You…”

“Dan, I never did anything like THIS before, and I’m afraid I’m going to stain this dress.”

“How?...  Ohhhhhh…”

She sat up.  “Yes.  I am WET!  Sopping wet.  The insides of my thighs…”  She read my face…  “Uh, too graphic?”

I felt sweat on my brow and it wasn’t from the room being warm.  Not at all.  “uh…”  Inwardly I was cussing my loss for words.

Jan was a little more direct in her approach.  She stood, reached back to the zipper on her dress and I heard ----zip----, she shrugged her shoulders and stepped out of the pile of blue wool at her feet.  Clad only in an almost unnecessary bra and a pair of powder-blue hip-hugger panties with a very wet crotch.  She reached for my hand and tugged me to standing and dragged me to the bedroom.
Chapter Three

I found myself being pushed backward onto the bed.  I finally caught my breath and enough neurons fired off for me to speak again.  “Wait, Jan…  we don’t have to do this…”

“What, Dan?  Because I’m too YOUNG?”

“Uh…”  There went the speech ability again.

“I’m sixteen.  I know girls that haven’t been virgins since they were eleven.  I’ve known girls who gave their first time to sleazeballs and lost it while they were drunk or high.  D’ya have ANY idea how many girls my age are still virgins?  Ain’t many.”

Jan said “ain’t”, a word she tried to avoid, but this just told me she was on a roll, speaking from the heart.  And as this one-sided conversation was going on, she was unbuttoning my shirt.  She straddled me, resting on my thighs, and kept on.

“I love YOU, Dan Jansen.  And YOU love ME.  And sixteen is LEGAL in this state. “She was struggling with the buckle on my belt.  “And If I have anything to say about it, I am about to make love WITH the only guy I will EVER make love with.

I took her hands off my belt buckle and unfastened it.  She rolled off me and I stood up and shrugged off my shirt and slid my pants down.  I stepped out of them into her arms.  “Then heaven help us, Janice Lee Griffin, because I love you and I intend to keep you forever.” I pulled her almost nude body to me and kissed her.  She melted into my arms as a clap of thunder echoed in the background.

I felt her shiver.  “Thunder scare you, baby?”

She shook her head.  “No…  Dan…  I’ve never…  I mean… No man has ever touched me… “

“Jan, I love you, baby, and sex has nothing to do with that.  We don’t have to do anything.  We can kiss and go to sleep in each other’s arms.”

This time she shook her head vigorously.  “Nuh-uh,” she hissed.  “I’d try to rape you and do it all wrong and be traumatized for life.”

“Then let’s go slow, baby.  You set the pace.”  I held her close to me.

She whispered in my ear, “Get me out of this bra…”

I already had my arms around her back and it was a small effort to unhook the two hooks of her a-cup bra.  I eased the straps off her shoulders and she stepped back as the bra fell to the floor.  She covered her breasts up with crossed arms and looked at me.  “I don’t have big titties, Dan.  Guys like big titties and I’m flat.”

“You have perfect titties, Jan, my love.  They are YOUR titties, and therefore, by definition, perfect.  I knew how big your titties were.  I’ll admit, I looked.”

She smiled shyly, not something that went with her recent rant, and then dropped her arms to her sides.  “Well, love, this is what you get…”

They were perfection in small packages.  Firm.  Not a bit of sag, perfectly formed, quarter-sized areolae, pink, with similarly colored, eraser-sized nipples poking hard and proud from them.  I couldn’t resist.  I touched.  She shivered and “Mmmmmmm” escaped her lips.  I gathered her in my arms again and her mouth searched and found mine.  She whispered in my ear, “They’re okay, Dan?  You’re not disappointed?”

“No, babe,” I said, “they’re beautiful, and they’re YOU and I shall worship them.”  I cupped one to reinforce my statement.

A wiggle indicated that she wanted me to release her.  I did, and her thumbs hooked the waistband of those panties.  And she bent over and stripped them off.  Standing, she said, “Well, this is all of me…”  She smiled.

I smiled, too.  “Perfection,” I said, noting a fine fuzzy patch of blonde hair on her mons, the beginning of a sweet and magical slit peeking out from under.

She took a deep breath.  “Now, let’s see you…”

I hooked my thumbs in my own waist band.

“Wait,” she said.  “Let me.”

I looked at her quizzically.

She kissed me again, whispering, “It’s the first time I get to see one when I WANT to, babe.  Let me do it MY way.”

“Okay, baby,” I said, brushing her hair with my hand and garnering another short kiss.

The kiss broke and she kneeled in front of me.  Her fingertips curled into the front of my waistband.  The front of my briefs was tented out, my dick as hard as I ever remembered it.  Jan tugged the elastic downward, dragging my briefs down past my dick.  When she slid them to my thighs, I kicked a little and they slid to the floor.  I stepped one foot free of them, looking down at the strawberry head at my crotch.

Her angelic face turned up to me, grinning, as her hand touched me for the first time.  I shook, knees almost giving way.  She pulled her hand back.  “Did I hurt you?”

“No, oh, no, sweetness.  It’s just more feeling that that thing’s EVER felt…”

“Dan, you’ve BEEN with other women…”

“And never have I desired one as much as you…”

“You’re sweet, baby.  Lay on the bed…”

Like I’d turn THAT order down.  I threw the covers back off the bed and lay in the middle of a cool, smooth sheet and Jan bounced onto the bed, kneeling by my side, completely nude, and as far as I was concerned, completely perfect.

She looked at me, blue eyes twinkling, smiling.  “Now don’t have a heart attack, but I’m gonna touch you again.”  She giggled.  Her fingers wrapped around my shaft, exploring.  “Wow,” she said.  “It’s hard and soft at the same time.  And it feels like there’s a bone in it.”

I was beyond normal arousal.  “Baby,” I said, “it’s very excited…”

“Because of ME?!?!?”

“Oh, yeah…”  she played some more.  “But how much do you know?  I mean, about how a guy works?”

“We had sex ed.  I know about sperm and semen and stuff, and it comes out…  I mean, I HEARD some of Mom’s guys say “I’m comin’” and I put two and two together…  Why?”

“Because I am VERY, VERY excited.  It hasn’t been touched by a woman in I don’t know how long, and NEVER by one as beautiful as you.”

She smiled again, her fingers curving under my balls, weighing them.  “So???”

“So it’s about to explode.  Stuff’s gonna squirt.”

“You’re gonna have an orgasm, you mean.  What’s all this clear stuff, then?”

“Oh, no, babe…  What you’re doing to me is gonna be waaay past a mere orgasm.  I may end up in a parallel universe.  The clear stuff’s a lubricant.  It makes that to make intercourse easier for us.”

She giggled.  “And I’m doin’ that?”

“yes.”

“Like this?”  Her hand slid up and down the shaft.

“Just a little bit looser, cutie.  Slide the skin up and down with your hand.”

Her grip adjusted and she did about four or five more strokes when My eyes squinched shut and I said, “Oh, godddddddd!!!” and the first spurt leapt from the head of my dick and landed who knows where.

“Eeek!” she squealed.  “Should I stop?”

“Oh, please don’t.  milk it.  Squeeze a little and tug.”

Obediently she gave it her best try and it was plenty good enough.  The second and third surges ended up on my chest and belly and the remainder flowed copiously over her hand.  Finally I took in a deep breath and sighed.

Flexible, she leaned over and kissed me full on the mouth.  Giggling, she said, “I made you feel good…”

“Yes, indeed, you did, baby.”

She looked at the gobs of semen on her hand, looked at me, and her eyes turned wicked.  She brought the hand to her mouth, gave a tentative lick, tasting, then licked it off her hand.  Grinning at me, she scooped the drops off my chest and stomach and put them in her mouth, too.  “If I made it, then it’s mine.”

My dick was semi-flaccid.  She kissed me.  I tasted my own juices in her kiss.  Breaking the kiss, she said, “Uh, I’m sorry.  Maybe you didn’t want to kiss me after I licked your stuff.”

“Baby,” I said, “There will never be I time that I won’t kiss you.  And count myself lucky.”

Her hand wandered back down to my dick.  “Mmmmmm,” I said.  “That feels soooo good.”

She tilted her head as if a thought was crossing her mind.  “Can I try sucking on it, Baby?”

“You can.  Some women don’t do that, though.”

“I’m not “some women”, Dan.  I’m YOUR woman.  And if my mom could do it in our living room to some guy she brought home from a bar, I can do it to my man.”

“okay…  I hope you like it.”

She pounced on it, her face inches from it, and landed a soft kiss on its head, then a tentative lick and then the head of my dick disappeared into a little bit of nirvana.  I heard and felt her “Mmmmmmm.”  It went instantly hard.

Giggle.  “I FELT it grow in my mouth!”  Another suck.  “So, like, tongue?”

“Yes.  Tongue.”

She experimented, laving her tongue around the head.  Giggling.  “I found such a neat toy!  Lemme guess.  This ridge thingie feels good when I mess with it.”  She played lips over my coronal ridge.  Her eyes turned toward me.  “Teeth?”

“Careful.  Not too hard.”

“How hard?”

My turn to demonstrate.  I tugged and she came up to my head.  Kissed me.  And at eye level were those remarkably firm and delectable titties.  I sucked one into my mouth and circled the nipple with my tongue.

“Omigod!”  Her hands clamped me to her breast.  I nursed for a few seconds, feeling her body shake.  And then I bit.

“Too hard?”

“No.  Harder.”

“Like that?”

“Yessssss!” she hissed.

“That’s how hard, then…”

“Oh, baby,” she moaned.  “I can do that…”

“Later,” I said.  “I like what I’m doing.”  And as I nursed and tended one tit and then the other, my free hand slid up her thigh.  At my touch, her opened her legs and my fingers gently brushed the firm, moist lips of her pussy.

“Oh, Dan…  I’m dying…  It all feels…  It’s almost too much.”

“DO I need to stop?”

“I’ll kill you if you do,” she hissed.

I rose up in the bed and eased her onto her back and kissed her.  Her arms went around my neck and pulled us together.  As my fingers worked gently at her pussy, her body shook.  I dipped a wet finger in between the lips and slowly explored.  Her muscles spasmed as I gently circumnavigated her clitty.  She WAS wet.  I slid my finger back down inside her slit, finding the opening to her hole.  As I gently slid my finger inside her, her back arched.  I noted the slightest obstruction of her hymen.

“Auuuggghhhhh!  Oh!”

I went back to slowly teasing me clit with my fingertip and kissed my way from her face to the hollow of her throat, then her titties, lingering on each one for a minute, her hand on the back of my head, holding me there pressing my mouth on her nipples.  It was when I moved down to her navel, a delicate “innie”, and licked deep in it, that the idea downed on her that I might have something further in my plans for my mouth…

Her hands gently urged me further down.  I could smell her excitement and I savored the soft hair and the firmness of her pubic mound, kissing lightly…

Jan decided that this was not the time to appreciate subtlety.  She pushed.  “Dan!  Do it!  Do me!  I need to feel your tongue!”

I shifted in the bed to lay between her thighs and kissed, teasing as much as I dared.  Fingers gripped into my hair and pulled my face into her pussy’s lips and I let my tongue explore the regions just vacated by my fingers.  Her taste was exquisite as I scooped her essence into my mouth. Finally my tongue hit her clit.

“Yesssssss!” she hissed, “That’s where!”

My reply was “Mmmmmm!”

“OHGOD!  I feel that!”

I kept licking and sucking, working her center over with my lips an tongue and her hands tugged frantically at the back of my head as she neared the edge.

“Nnnnnngghhhh!  Oh Dan!  Ohgodohgodohgod!  Yessssss!  I’m…” breathe, “Im commmmminnnnnggggg!”

Her fingers lifted my face from her pussy and she struggled for breath.  Her fingers released me and my face fell right into that wet pussy…  and my tongue sought out its new little friend.

“Ohhhh, noooooo!  Dan…  I can’t…  not… nooo..Ohhhhgodyesssssss!”  Two.   “Come up here…”

I climbed up to her side and cuddled her into my arms.  Her eyes fluttered open and a smile showed up.

“Are you okay, my love?”

“Oh, Dan, I’ve never been this okay in my life…  I mean, I, uh…  you know, I do myself sometimes, but WOW!  Not like THAT!  Oh, baby…”  She curled into me, her arms trapped between us, her hands making fists against my chest as her breathing regulated.  Finally she freed a hand and reached down to grasp my dick gently.

“Dan,” she said softly, “If we do this next thing, in some societies we’re married…”

“I know about that, baby…  But your virginity is yours.  You get to decide.  We don’t have to.  You’ve already brought me far above anywhere I’ve ever been.”

I got a kiss.  And a little soft voice.  “I love you, Dan.”

“I love you, Jan.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.  Until the sun is a cinder in the sky.  And then more.”

A tiny giggle.  “This is something I only get to do once.  I want it to be with you.”

“It could hurt…”

“I know about that.  But I don’t think so.  I’ve been to the doctor.  I use tampons, and she said I didn’t have much of a hymen.”

“Still…”

“Still, nothing, babe.” Determined Jan voice. “I am NOT going to be a virgin in the morning.  It might hurt ONCE.  But it won’t hurt for the rest of our lives.”  She pushed me onto my back and straddled my thighs.

I looked at this perfect young lady on me.  Her face was beautiful, eyes blue and twinkling, freckles that I found delightful, titties that had the barest, alluring hint of a jiggle as her arms moved, her hands jacking on my shaft.

“Babe, you feel soooo good… what are you doing?”

“Making you juicy.  You said that makes it easier when we make love.”

“Yeah, and you’re pretty juicy yourself, you know…”

“I know,” she said.  She squeezed and a big drop of pre-cum flowed out of my dick.  She carefully spread it over the head, smiling at me, then those eyes took a wicked twinkle as she made a big deal about sticking her finger in her mouth to suck the remainder of my juice off.  Then she slid up, her wet, hot pussy lips spreading to envelop my shaft in delightful heat.

“Mmmmm,” she said, feeling the first contact of our sex.  “I like this…” she slid back and forth.  I could feel her hard clit dragging in the juice on the shaft of my dick.  She rocked back and forth a few times and then rose up on her knees.  “I love you, Dan.  This is US!”  Her hand went between our bodies and she lined my dick up with her waiting hole and she eased down.  The head squeezed into the wet virgin passage.

I watched her face.  Through my own feelings of pleasure I said, “Go slow, babe.  Take your time.”

Her mouth fluttered into a smile and she settled down onto me, then rose up, almost letting me out of her hole, then eased back down, this time smiling.  “It’s going in, Dan…” she rose and came back down now and I felt the opening of her pussy encircling halfway down my shaft, and it felt GOOD.  “Mmmmmm!” she purred, then once more up, and back down and I felt out pubic bones meet.

“It’s in me…” she smiled.

I curled up to wrap her in my arms.  I kissed her and her mouth hungrily searched for the love between us.  “I love you, Jan.”

“I love you, Dan.  This is a forever thing, okay?”

Here we were, mating…

I felt her pelvis move, my dick sliding out of and back into her.

“Mmmmmm,” she said.

“You okay?”

“Very much okay.  Didn’t hardly hurt.  Doesn’t now.  She arched her back to get another stroke, this time a longer, deeper one.  “Mmmmmm.  I feel so good with you in me.”

I held her waist with my hands and she wrapped those long legs around me and I felt her pelvis stroking herself against me.  I couldn’t hold back and my strokes met hers.

Her mouth sought mine again and we slowed our stroking during the kiss, then she broke it off and started hunching into me like she was seeking something.  In a minute, her breathing changed and I was concentrating, trying NOT to come… yet.

She tossed her head back, that strawberry hair hanging behind her, swinging, as she gave voice to her feelings.  “ohgodohgodohgod!  Uhhhh!  Dannnn!  Againnnn!  Nnnnnnnghhhhh! YES!  YESSSSS!”

And her pussy’s walls contracted and I felt her cervix pushing against the head of my dick deep up inside her, and as nature intended, I bathed that cervix with a flood of semen.  She recognized what was happening to us and the little minx pushed her pussy harder onto me, milking me with muscles she’d just discovered uses for.

I collapsed backward on the bed and she flopped onto my chest.  I held her in my arms.

Her breathing became regular again and she turned her face toward mine.  “Mated,” she said.  “According to that book I read, we just consummated our marriage…”

“I believe that.  We’re as consummated as two people can be.”

“I’m serious, Dan.”

“Are you, Jan?  I wish you were…”

“I am.  I KNOW about random sex.  I told myself that I wouldn’t be like that.”

“Good.” I kissed the top of her head.

“You’re the only man I will ever share my body with.”

“You’re serious?”

“I love you, Dan.  I told you.”

“OH, god, I hope so, Jan, because I so much love you…”

With a soft plop, my dick fell out of her pussy.  She noted the feeling.  “It’s out, Dan.  And we have a mess.”

“I’ll take care of that, babe,” I said, getting out of bed and coming back with a couple of face towels and moist warm washcloths.  I gently cleaned and dried her pussy, noting that the white towel had tiny traces of blood.  I cleaned and dried myself at bedside as she watched.  Finishing, I tossed the used towels through the open bathroom door and I crawled back into bed to reclaim my lover.

She moved easily into my arms, laying her cheek against my chest and rubbing it against my chest hair.  “Mmmmm,” she purred.  “You have NO idea how good I feel right now,” she whispered.

“Me,too, baby.  It’s like all of a sudden I’m alive again.”

“Mmmm-hmmm,” she purred.  Her hand reached down and gathered my soft dick.  Giggle.  “It’s soft.”  She slid down in the bed and I groaned as her mouth enveloped me.  Giggle.  Head came up.  “It’s fun when it’s soft.”  Head back down.  More sucking.  Another giggle.  “It’s growing in my mouth…”  Then she nuzzled my balls.

“Careful, baby.  If you’re too rough with those, it causes excruciating pain.”

“Can I do this?” she asked, licking my sack.

“Oh, yes.”

“And this?”  Her lips closed over most of one nut, sucking gently.

“Yes.  But don’t suck much harder.”

“And this?” Her teeth picked up a fold of skin and she tugged.

“God, yes…”

I heard and felt her giggle.  “Fun!” she said.  She returned to my dick.  “Oh yeah!  I forgot that I can bite this, too!” And she did, working her way up and down the shaft in little nibbles and nips.  Then she slid back up in my arms.

“Dan,” she says, “It’s wonderful, all this.  But what comes next?”

I sighed.  Serious talk time.  With a girl who only hours before was just a funny, smart, special friend.  “Serious talk?”

“Serious,” she said.

“Okay.  Here’s what I’d like.  Since we’re all consummated and everything, I’d like us to be really married.  So we can be seen together in public.  And live together.  No questions.”

Squeal!  “Dan!  Married?  Like in forever?”

“Yes, but we have a problem, little one.”

Her glee subsided.  “What problem?”

“You’re too young.  You have to be eighteen to get married without your parent’s consent.”

“But it’s legal for me to do stuff.  I mean, you and I make love, and that’s okay.”

“I know.  But to be officially married, you have to be eighteen.”

I saw that “thinking Jan” face.  “But you said if my parent signs.  Mom’s in prison.  Grandma is my legal guardian.  She could sign, huh?”

“Uh, babe, I’m worried about your grandma.  I’m thinking that if she thinks I’ve been doin’ her grand-daughter, she’s gonna shoot me.”

“I don’t think so.  She kinda likes you.  Remember?”

“Babe, that was before you waltz up to her and say “Hi!  Dan and I should get married!” and she puts two and two together and comes up with four…”

“Nuh-uh.  But we have tomorrow and Sunday before that has to be done, and you let ME handle it, okay?”

“My Jan is awfully confident,” I said.

“I should be,” she said.  “I’m with my life’s mate.”

“Speaking of mating, you could be...  you didn’t seem to worry about pregnancy.”

“I’ve been on the Pill for years,” she said.  “Regulates periods.” She paused.  “But you didn’t worry either.”

“Vasectomy after first wife’s pregnancy.  Doctor said a second one might kill her or hurt the baby.”

“So you can’t have kids?”

“Nope.  Is that a deal-breaker?”

“Nope, baby.  If we need kids, we can borrow some.  But after Mom, I never wanted kids.”

“Okay,” I said. “I love you, babe.”

She kissed ME on the nose.  “I love you too.  Uh, I’ve never slept with a guy before.  Do you go to sleep with music on?”

“What kind of music?”  This could be friction.

“Put it on the public radio station.  Late night classical.”

“Serious?”  We’d listened to classical music from time to time, but I thought she was humoring me.

“That’s what I use.  Really.”

I turned the radio on, set the sleep time, turned off the lights, and for the first time in years I snuggled to go to sleep with somebody who shared my love.

Morning came.  She was right.  She wasn’t used to sleeping with somebody else.  My night was a cycle of arms and legs not my own and every time she shifted I woke up, remembered WHY I was getting poked and WHO was doing the poking and what it meant, and I flat didn’t care about waking up, because I could reach over and stroke a perfect female form and have her snuggle back against me and we’d go back to sleep.

Tousled hair framed a sleepy face.

“Good morning, baby,” I said.

“Oh, good morning, love,” she answered.  “Kiss me.”

“I got dragon breath in the morning,” I said.

“I’ll risk it.  Kiss me.”

We kissed.  I guessed a quick peck and then she’d back off.  I got an extended kiss, our tongues twining together, her hands and mine exploring each other’s bodies, reminding me that not only did I just sleep all night with this girl, but we did it completely nude, something I’d seldom done before.  I released her and headed to the bathroom, needing badly to pee.

Just as the stream started, I heard a giggle.

“What?” I asked.

“I never really saw an adult do that.”

I pinched off the flow and restarted, demonstrating.

“Neat!  Can I?”

“Be careful.  Don’t pee on the floor.”

She reached over and took my dick and made swirlies in the toilet.  When the stream stopped, I said, “Shake it.”

“Shake it?”

“Yeah.  Shake the drop off the end, and that’s it.”

“Nuh-uh,” she said.  She pulled a bit of toilet paper and dabbed the head, then put the seat down on the toilet and sat down.  I started to leave and she said, “Nuh-uh.  Come ‘ere!”  I stood close and her hand cupped my balls and tugged me closer.  Her head dipped and I found my dick in her mouth again.  She let me drop.  “Something else needed kissing, too, babe.”  Her smile was priceless.

“Shower?” I asked.

“Together?” she countered.

“Oh, yes.”  And we fitted two soapy wet bodies in the stall and had a wonderful time.  We emerged and toweled off.  Her hair was still wet.  I told her we’d buy a hair dryer today.

“Okay, babe,” she said. “Let’s go to grandma’s apartment and I can dry my hair.”

We dressed and walked out the door and into her former home.  Entering, the answering machine was flashing.  One message.  “I don’t recognize the caller ID,” she said, then she hit the button.

The voice on the machine was her grandmother.  “Hey, Jan, this is your grandma.  It’s one in the morning.  I was just calling to check on you.  I heard the weather was bad.”  (Weather?  I hadn’t noticed.  I guess because my world turned upside down)  The message continued.  “I’m pretty sure you’re in good hands, baby.  Just make sure you’re doing the right thing.  I’ll see you Sunday.”

“What’s that mean?” I asked.

“What’s what mean?”

“When she said, “Make sure you’re doing the right thing.”

“Dan, can I tell you something?  And you won’t get mad?”

“Sure babe.  What?”

“Uh, I kinda told Grandma that I had, as she says, “designs”, on you.”

“You told her that?  When?”

“A week or so ago.”

“Uh, so tell me, little strawberry girl, did THAT information have anything to do with her taking off for the weekend?”

Small voice.  “Yeah.  Maybe.  A little bit.”

I looked at her.  “So let me get this straight.  She left town pretty much knowing that you were going to…”

“That’d be a “no”.  I told her that we were going to go running the roads and I was going to get to know you better and talk to you, maybe.”

“Ooohhhh…”

“And I really am scared of lightning.”

“Uh-huh… Really,” she said.  “And I really DO love you.”

“So all in all, how do you think your plans worked out?”

She smiled.  And kissed me.  “Pretty good,” she said.  “And that thing about Grandma signing for me to marry you?”

“Yeah?”

Giggle.  “It’s a gimme!”
