THE CARPET some sex, sci fi, magic humor

In the morning, a tired group carpeted in from the pool.

"Can we keep the carpet?" asked the Cheese.

"How come, chum?" quipped the Whatever.

"Bill loves it." Jo said.

"I was kinda planning on getting it back. It's on the inventory."

Vickie said, "Oooh, that could be a problem."

"Yup. Government funded."

"We need it to explore," begged Bill.

"I thought I let you use it for exploring the general neighborhood yesterday."

"Yeah, well, uhm, we got, ah, distracted, kinda, yesterday," commented Chione.

"I heard." said the Whatever. "Vickie's really loud." Whatever directed a comment at Jo, "You are, too. I never met lab rats who enjoyed the reproductive process more. You guys go nuts. The directors will really enjoy the holo's from yesterday."

Chione began singing, "I'm a porn star. I'm a porn star." She grinned.

"Uh, shit!"

"How about you let us explore with it while you collect the rest of the rats," suggested the Cheese.

"Too late," said the Whatever, "they're already here."

"Huh?"

"Where?"

The Whatever starts singing, in two part harmony, "Down in the valley. The valley so low. Hang your head over, Feel the wind blow."

"How do you do that?" asked Jo.

"Do what?"

"Sing in harmony."

"That's a silly question, Jo." The Cheese pointed out, "there's two of them."

The Whatever spoke up. "Two? Cheese, whatever gives you that idea?"

"Simple. When you speak to Jo, it's a pleasant female voice. When you speak to me, it's a deeper male voice. Two voices, two beings."

"Nope," said two voices. "Two voices, one body. One head, two minds. One mind melds with you females, one mind melds with you males."

"huh?"

"When I speak to females I speak with their voice, because I am female. When I speak to males I speak with their voice, because I am male."

"Why haven't you spoken with two voices before?"

"Because you were just lab rats."

"Oh."

"I said I was beginning to like you (serious mistake) I decided I do."

Kurt and Bill stepped off the carpet. "That's interesting. Gives a whole new meaning to "go fuck yourself"."

We all cracked up!

Trying to get back to the original subject, "about the carpet," said the Cheese. "We still need it."

"Go...do what explorers do...explore," said Whatever. "Besides, think how impressed the rest of the rats will be."

"Oh, yeah, right!"

There was a sudden discordant braying of horns. The sound echoed across the valley. Thrice they sounded, and thrice more. The echoing ceased. Silence reigned. The Carpet loomed over the edge of the canyon. It made a stately progress slowly sinking to the valley floor. One figure, stood tall and still, holding a crooked staff with the right hand. The staff was richly decorated with eagle feathers and turquoise. Hammered gold encircled the staff above and below the buffalo fur wrapped hand hold, the tip of the crook was embellished with a gold serpents head. Kneeling at the feet of the stalwart figure were three nude females holding smoking clay pots of incense and two nude males sat cross legged holding various badges of office at the front of the conveyance. The women were very beautiful, the men, awesome to view. Red of skin and stoic of visage, the six viewed the valley scene with disdain. The group below gathered to watch the descent. There was much discussion and cussing among the throng. When the carpet had descended to the height of the tallest viewer the male on the left held up a hand, palm forward. The carpet stopped, hovered. The male closed his fist, then extended a finger The carpet moved forward to the edge of the crowd and stopped. The standing figure surveyed the group and saw that it was good.

"Victoria? Victoria Jean?"

"Mom?"

"Victoria Jean. You're naked. Put some clothes on right now."

"What the fu..."

"King Cheese. You have some serious explaining to do! Lets hear it...now!"

"Hi Carol..."

"Don't you Hi Carol me. I want to know what you think you're doing and how you're going to stop it!"

The revelations took all night. Eventually, Vick and Kurts' mom, Carol realized she was here, stuck here and no going back. When the Whatever picked her up he/she/ took everyone in the house. So the twins, Kerry and Keri, and the Donaldson twins were here too, to say nothing of Carol's mother and aunt, and the loner and the baby.

"Great practical joke huh,"said the Whatever.