Crown Of Thorns
Chapter 4

Terry slowly started to walk towards me.  I crumpled up into a ball.  With my vast experience, this was the best position to get into when beaten to a pulp.  I closed my eyes in anticipation.  It was then that I got really scared.  I felt Danny's hand leave me.  I was alone once again.  'Why would he leave me?'

I felt his presence next to me.  There was an initial countdown in my head till the fist blow.  But instead, he pulled a hand away from my face and pushed the hair from my closed eyes.  He whispered to me in a voice only I could hear.  "Open your eyes."  

I opened my eyes still fearful of a beat down.  It was then that the most amazing thing happened.  He bent down and pressed his lips firmly against mine.  It took a bit to realize what the hell was going on, but once I did, I completely relaxed and kissed back.  The fact that there were others in the room didn't matter anymore.  The man that I love loved me back.  I sat up, him following my every move.  After eternity, I broke off the kiss.  He pulled away only inches and whispered, "I love you."

"Wow," I whispered.  I could hear the applause around me.  All my thespian friends saw me make out with a guy.

"Yea, wow.  I guess this means that you know I saw you yesterday."

"You did?  I thought that I was too wrecked up to be understood."

"From my man, I can understand everything."

"You have no idea how you just made me feel."  I felt something that I hadn't for so long.  I felt cared for, loved.

"We have to talk," he hesitated.

"Yea," Danny butted in.  I looked at both of them questioningly until Terry started to caress my arm and pushed on one of my bruises.  My face became petrified.  

"No, come on, you know what will happen."

"Julian," Terry started.  "I never knew about them, but I know that I cannot sit back and watch somebody pummel my boyfriend."

I saw his logic but I didn't give in.  I had convinced myself for far too long.  "No, can we not talk about this later."

"But..."

"I know what your saying.  But, it won't work."  Everyone else went to do his or her things not giving us a second thought.  Although a third would be warranted.

"Julian, can I talk to you?"  Mr. Jenks yelled to me.

"Sure."  I got up and walked over to him, leaving Danny and my new boyfriend back on stage with the others.  We walked to his office backstage.  He closed the door behind him.  Suddenly I felt very claustrophobic.  The office wasn't much more than a closet and it was stacked with sheets of music, scripts, and paperwork all over the place.

"Pull up some floor," he joked.  I faked a laugh.  "Sorry there isn't much space in my office."

"What do you need to talk about?"

"Yesterday.  I am at law to do something about it."

I sat in confusion.  "The law requires you to do what?  About me being gay."

"WHAT??  No, of course not.  About your father."

"Not you too."

"So you were given the same advice?"

"Yea, my friends."

"They have a good head on their shoulders.  Which is a quality you should take on.  You know what he is doing is illegal and wrong."

"Yea, yea, I know," I nearly yelled.

"Don't get defensive.  I...we...are looking out for your best interests."

"You don't understand.  He...is all I have."

"There is where you are wrong.  You saw back there, how much people supported you and apparently loved you.  You have more than you think."

This realization came to me suddenly.  I felt better, but I had to stick to it.  I didn't want to go into a foster home.  "He is my only family.  Without him, I go into a foster home."

"I am going to go against my better judgment and give you time to deal with this on your own.  Please, do something about it.  Basically I am going to hold off a few days.  But I want you to know, that we are all here for you."

As I stepped out of his office a strange sensation came over me.  'Somebody is actually there for me.'  Practice went all right.  I was stuck in my own little world the entire time.  The lines and songs were programmed into me.  My mind was just somewhere else.

"Ok, people.  Tomorrow I am only working with the three girls so the rest of you can go home for a change.  Now get out of here.  And Julian, remember what we talked about."  Mr. Jenks yelled behind us as we escaped.  I could feel myself turn a shade of red.

Outside I started to walk home with Danny And Terry.  "So, you guys boyfriends?"  he asked me.

"Umm..."  I tried.

"Err..."  as did he.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said.  A silence followed. 

After hesitation I turned to him, "Are you ok, with this?"

"Yea, yea, fine with it.  I just feel a little left out," he said jokingly.  I made a fake laugh.  The obvious friend, he detected this.  "No really, I am ok."  A few blocks later Danny turned off onto his street.  "See ya tomorrow."

"Bye, we yelled in unison."  He looked at us quizzically for a second then shook his head and walked off.

"So, we are really boyfriends," I said in disbelief.

"Is that so hard to believe?"  he said reading my thoughts.

"To tell you the truth, yes."

He swung his arm around my shoulders and said, "Believe it.  I ain't lettin' you go."  I smiled at him.

"Thanks."

"So we are going to your house?"  

My face turned from a smile to dread.  "No, no, we can't go there.  I don't want you to see..."

"See what?"

I pondered this; I had no idea what to tell him.  I guess the truth counts for something in a relationship, right?  "See...the way I live at home."  Ashamed I hung my head down.

He stopped and faced me.  He put both his hands on my shoulders.  "Hey," he said calmly.  I started to cry.  He released his hand and raised me head to look directly into his eyes.  "Hey, I love you.  Nothing is going to change that.  Nothing."

I smiled at him, "Thanks, and, I love you too."  I could feel that smile turn into a frown.  My face contorted to something that I can't even describe.

"What, what is it?" he asked me obviously surprised.

Tears began to well in my eyes again.  "I'm sorry, I am not used to this."

"What?"

"THIS.  Kindness, gentleness, love.  I don't know what those are anymore.  I used to, but no anymore.  I am having trouble believing that this is real.  That this is happening to me.  I keep talking myself out of it.  'You going to be hurt,' I keep telling myself.  And I'm not talking physical, I am used to that.  I can't have the only part that I hold dear yet, be crushed.  That is what I am having a problem with.  It is almost unreal..."

"STOP!!"  He grabbed onto me tightly.  I cringed.  "I'm sorry," he said holding his head low.  "I want you to stop talking like that.  You know that..."

"That's just it.  I am not used to it.  It is hard to stop and for all that I know, I don't know that you love me," I said reading his thoughts.  He hung his head low, hurt.

"I see."  His hands slipped from my shoulders and he back stepped away from me.

"No, wait."  He didn't wait, he started to run away.  Suddenly realizing what I said, although the truth could be perceived as something hurtful.  I ran, unlike I have ever before.  Not a chance in hell that I am going to let this go.  Not a chance in hell am I going to push away the only person who loved me unconditionally for a long time.  Not a chance in hell.  My legs pumped, pain from overworked muscles shot through my system.  Ignored, I ran faster.  

I was gaining on him as we ran into the park.  As I was right on his heels I dived and caught him round the waist.  We landed hard on the ground.  There we lay for a while, the dim streetlights not reaching us.  I could hear sobs coming from the form under me.  I got up off of him.

"I thought you didn't love me," he shot at me between sobs.

"That's what I said, but didn't mean.  I need you, more than you realize.  I...I..."  I launched myself at him falling into his arms.  "Please, please say that you will never leave me.  I have longed for you so long.  Someone to take me away, someone to give me strength.  I am sorry for what I said.  This is happening to fast, and I am conditioned the way that I am.  I want to break those trends, I do, but...I guess that it will take time.  I love you Terry, more that words can express.  I love you so much I feel like I can face the world.  I am hoping, praying that you will forgive me."

Surprised at my outburst he encircled me with his arms.  "If possible, I love you more.  I forgive you most defiantly, but I am the one who has to be sorry.  I shouldn't have run away.  I love you so much Julian, that simple words can't describe it."  He pushed me inches from his face, ran his hand across my cheek and brought my head towards his.  He put the gentlest, loving, caring kiss onto my lips.  I kissed back sealing the unspoken pact between us.

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