Vacuum Cleaner

   I started masturbating when I was twelve.  And in my neighborhood no one
ever admitted to jerking off.  Once you were known as a Jerkoff in the
1960s, your social life was finished as we knew it.  So I kept the jerk
secret to myself.

   There was times when my friends and I would discuses the facts of life
or the rumors of sex that someone or a friend of a brother's sister
in-law's cousin's next-door neighbor had happen to him.  If you managed to
track that person down, he always heard it from someone else.

   One day while horsing around with my friend's sex came up.  We heard the
usual suspects, hairy palms, blindness, facial acne and of course blue
balls.  But someone had a new one.  A friend of a brother's sister in-law's
cousin's next-door neighbor had to be rushed to the hospital because he had
his dick stuck in a vacuum cleaner.  We all had a good laugh and then
tortured our friend for bringing something so stupid up.

   It was about six months later I was in my (we didn't call them basements
then) cellar and noticed the old family vacuum cleaner.  It was steel metal
grey, about three foot long and resembled a torpedo, had four little castor
wheels and came with five foot hose and sounded like a jet engine.  Light
bulbs went off in my head.  Both my parents worked and because my dad used
power equipment down there, I knew if the door was shut the noise wouldn't
arouse suspicion.  I was free to try this sinful experiment.

   It was easy, I unzipped my fly pulled my cock out turned VC on and stuck
my dick into the hose.  The suction and the air rushing past my cock
created a vibration that surrounded my entire manhood.  It felt great!  And
that lasted all of fifteen seconds.  My cock became rock hard and it was
almost stuck in the hose.  So I detached the hose and put my dick right
into the nozzle of the VC itself.  With the hose off it was wide enough to
accommodate my hardon.  At first the opening was to big, but putting my
thumb across the top, I could regulate the air-flow and vibration
intensity. I had never felt anything this good in my life.  When I got
bored with the sensation, I simply adjusted my thumb a new vibration.  I
was in heaven.

   And then it happened.  I thought I was being electrocuted I was so
scared I panicked and started to cry.  I pushed the VC away from me as
quick as I could so I wouldn't die.  And when I calmed down I realized that
my thirteen year old dick was spewing the last of the ribbons of cum all
over the cellar floor.  It was then that I discovered the true meaning of
vacuum cleaners!  I had cum from masturbating, but this was different, this
was a super charged.  I had a super charged Jerkoff toy.  And for the next
six months I rendezvoused with my new friend once a week.

   Then I did what all kids do.  I got so smart, I outsmarted myself.  One
day decided to bring the VC out of the cellar and up to my second floor
bedroom so I could be more comfortable.  I stripped all my clothes off sat
on the edge of my bed and inserted my dick into the best nozzle in the
world.  By this time I learned how to manipulate the nozzle with my thumb
so well I could cum in thirty seconds or bring myself to the brink of
orgasm and then back off.  This could go on for hours.  Hey I was good at
it, I was a pro.  There I was working up a great sweat when I lost track of
the time.  I had come close often that day and decided that it was time to
relieve myself.  Normally I would cum right in the (there's no feeling like
it) VC, when something caught my eye as I started to erupt.  There was my
mother screaming at me.  I know because I could see her mouth moving and
the blood vessels popping out on her temples.  But all I could hear was the
VACUUM CLEANER and the BLOOD POUNDING in my own temples as I sprayed string
after string of bright pearly cum across the bedroom with the VC growling
at my feet.

   "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  MOTHER OF GOD!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING." I finally
heard her yell.  I knew something was wrong but I was cumming so hard I had
a hard time bringing myself back to reality.  My body was trembling, my
face was twitching obscenely my glazed eyes were peering right through my
horrified mom.  It took her a shorter time to recover from the shock and
she brought me out of mine by beating me with the only thing she had in her
hands.  Her TWENTY-FIVE POUND handbag.  I was standing and my flagpole was
still bobbing up and down when the first avenging blow struck.  Baddabing,
and just like that I was knocked out of my orgasmic trance and back to
reality.  The second blow crashed into me and rattled every bone in my
exhausted body.  I recovered my senses to avoid the third and when her
handbag hit the headboard the shoulder straps broke.

   "WAIT TILL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME.  WHAT MAKES YOU THINK OF THINGS LIKE
THIS?  AND IN A VACUUM CLEANER NO LESS.  WAIT TILL YOUR FATHER COMES HOME!"
she yelled for the whole neighborhood to hear.

   It was the most humiliating moment of my life and it got worse as the
week went on.  My mother was in family crises mode and even after father
punished me.  She was sure I was turning into a Homo-clepta-fag-retard. 
She dragged me to talk to the parish priest friend of the family, who
preached fire and brimstone with potential blindness.  The following day it
was off to the probation officer friend of the family who told me if I
didn't change my ways I would end up in prison getting raped every day for
the rest of my life, not to mention going blind.

   The next day was the bottom of the barrel for me.  She took me to see my
godmother.  My mom thought, "Maybe she can straighten you out".  It was one
of those catholic things.  I was so embarrassed I couldn't even look her in
the eye.  My god mother was one of those people you respect above all
others not related to you.  She was a beautiful, smart, tough, just woman.
And she was my mothers' best friend.  After she sent my mom away I fell
into her arms crying wondering who my mother would tell next.  When I
relayed this fear to my god mother, she lifted my chin and dried my tears
and told me I had been punished enough and that after I apologized to my
mom and swore on a bible that I would never do it again.  She would speak
to my mother.  She never mentioned blindness.  And she was right; it was
never mentioned again till this very day.

   And I learned my lesson because I never got caught using the VACUUM
CLEANER again!!!  _________________ oriondog
