
This is a dirty story.  don't read if you are underage, easily offended,
or likely to get tossed in the clink.  Unauthorized use of this story
will only serve to enrage a former Army Ranger.  So there. 


The Life of Sarah
by Oke


Chapter One

        James sat alone in the waiting room, staring
at the cheerful orange wall opposite him.  He briefly
considered leaving, but he just couldn't get up off
his ass.  Finally, the receptionist behind the desk
called his name, then told him to wait in room 3,
which was the same room James always got whenever he
came here.  He thought it was where they sent all the
people who were going to die.
        He'd seen the sterile white walls with
pictures of Dr. Saeed's fishing adventures in the Bahamas, a few
of which James thought he single-handedly paid for. 
Along with the usual assortment of diplomas, family
portraits and said fishing pictures, there was a
framed quote by the brilliant philosopher "Anonymous".
 It read, "All things are impermanent, except for
change.  Change one life for the better, and you have
only started an eternal goodness."  James hated that
quote.  
        Dr. Saeed came in a few minutes later, sitting
in the chair opposite the examination table James was seated
on.  James watched as Dr. Saeed flipped through a
thick chart in his hands, clearly marked "Smith, James
H."  Finally, Dr. Saeed shut it and looked James
straight in the eyes.
        "I'm afraid, James, that your condition has
become terminal.  What you've told me about your symptoms
indicates that your leukemia has advanced into the
blastic stage, and once in this stage, there's no hope
for recovery.  I'm sorry, James."  He had so much
practice at this, James thought, that it was starting
to come naturally.  James nodded his head and thanked
the doctor.
        "James, there's a group that meets at St.
Joseph's Hospital tonight.  It's for patients with terminal
cancers, and I think that you could benefit from this
group.  I know how difficult it is to face death; I
see it every day.  A lot of the people there are
patients of mine, and they tell me that it gives them
a lot of strength in their last days."
        "How many last days are we talking about,
doctor?" 
James suddenly felt a chill in his spine, not sure if
it was the leukemia or the possibility of him dying
soon.
        "Well, I'm not going to lie to you.  It could
be a week, it could be up to three months.  You're young,
fit; you may still have a bit of time.  Will you go to
the meeting tonight?  I'm sure it will help you in
what lies ahead."

        James left quickly, still debating whether to
go or not.  As he left the waiting room, he saw two women in
a corner seat.  The older one was crying, holding the
younger one's head in her lap, brushing her hand over
her hair.  The young one just stared ahead at the
cheerful orange walls.  She couldn't have been more
than fifteen, James thought.  He shook his head in
disgust as his stomach twisted inside of him.

        James felt much better than usual that night,
and was able to keep food down for the first time in about a
week.  He'd lost five pounds since then, and about
fifty in a year.  His clothes were sagging off his
frame, which still seemed more fit that thin, as James
exercised as often as he felt he could.  For three
years he had battled his disease, longer than most
people even lived, and he credited it to the workouts.
 Unfortunately, his disease would win in the end,
which would be soon.
        
        He finally found the conference room on the
fourth floor, and took a seat near the back.  Already there
were at least thirty people here, conversing amongst
themselves.  A hug was shared and tears were shed as
people talked to each other, until the group leader
asked everyone to take their seats.  James watched as
the small groups sat together, leaving him alone. 
        After the first speaker gave a spiel about how
meditation has helped him face death, the group leader
asked all the new members to stand and introduce
themselves.  James was the only new member, which made
him even more nervous, causing a sharp pain in his
gut.  He shook it off, then began.
        "My name is James, and I have Chronic
Myelogenous Leukemia.  my body is producing too many white blood
cells, and nothing can stop it, except for a bone
marrow transplant.  Unfortunately, I waited on the
donor list for two and a half years, without a match. 
Today, my doctor told me it was too late, as I was in
the final stages.  My symptoms are increasing in
frequency and strength, and it's only a matter of time
before...."  He stopped in mid sentence, breaking down
in tears.  He sat back down, trying to hold himself
together, when someone slipped their arms around him
and held him tight to them.  
        When he opened his eyes, the conference room
was emptied.  He bolted up, panicked.
        "Relax," a voice said from behind him. 
"They're just on a ten minute break.  You'd be surprised how many
cancer patients take up smoking after it's terminal." 
James turned in his seat, and saw the young girl from
Dr. Saeed's office by the coffee machine, pouring
sugar into a mug with a rainbow on it.  "I'm Sarah, by
the way.  Good to see you're awake."
        "I fell asleep?"  James suddenly realized he
couldn't remember anything since introducing himself.
        "Yeah.  Don't worry about it.  It happens
quite a bit here.  Best sleep some people get in a long time.  I
did it when I first came here.  Slept through the
whole meeting."
        "Was it you?  You held me, didn't you?"
        "Yeah.  I knew it was the best thing for you,
right then.  I know what you're going through; I've got CML
too, four years now.  I'm not in the blastic phase,
like you are, but I've had it so long I'm the most
senior here.  Funny, since I'm still the youngest,
too."
        "Four years?  Most people don't...."
        "... Don't make it past two or three.  I know.
 I guess I'm special.  Even Dr. Saeed is amazed at how
long I've lasted."
        "You... you were the girl I saw in the waiting
room today."
        "Yeah, I recognized you, too.  I knew all
about you just by the look you had when you came out into the
waiting room.  There's a lot of that look here."  She
waved her arms around the room, spilling a few drops
of coffee on the light brown carpet.  "Anyway, the
meeting's almost over.  They'll let me take you out
for some dinner.  I'm guessing you're pretty hungry. 
Think you can keep it down?"

        The dinner was actually hospital cafeteria
food, which wasn't as bad as James remembered it from his
frequent visits.  He had a small salad, as he was a
vegetarian, and she had a ham and turkey sub with a
bag of dill pickle flavored potato chips.  She sat
across from him, mostly staring at him as he ate.
        "Not hungry?"  James asked.  he finished the
last bit of salad, then washed it down with some coffee.  
        "I'll take it home, I guess."
        "You should eat; you never know when you'll be
able to eat it again."
        "Tell me about it.  I told all my friends that
the best thing about this stupid leukemia is that it keeps
me skinny."  She grabbed the front of her black
sweater, pulling almost half of it into a bunch,
revealing a very small frame underneath.
        "How much have you lost?  I'm down fifty
pounds in a year."  James prodded himself in the stomach, feeling
the tight muscles underneath.
        "I've managed to keep it down to twenty,
twenty-five a year, but I put most of it back on between chemo
treatments."  James noticed how short her hair really
was now, barely enough to reach her eyes, if she
hadn't wore it spiked.  He felt his own hair, quite
sparse and unkempt.  His was even shorter than hers,
as he had his last chemotherapy treatment only two
months ago.
        "I hate how tired it makes me.  Some days I
don't feel like getting out of bed, and those are good days.
 I just lay there on some days and watch the ceiling. 
Did you know there are one hundred and twenty eight
ceiling tiles in my bedroom?"  Sarah's eye's widened
suddenly.
        "Oh my God!  Do you live in Katherine Towers?"
 She asked.
        "Yeah, how did you know?"
        "My bedroom has the exact same number! 
Sixteen by eight!"
        "You live in Katherine Towers too?  Which
apartment?"
 James suddenly felt very excited for some reason.
        "Twelve Twenty Five D.  You?"
        "Five Fifteen C.  The tower beside yours!" 
James smiled as Sarah giggled loudly.  He looked about the
cafeteria; they were all alone again.  "Sarah, I want
to thank you.  You've been the greatest help to me
tonight.  I really appreciate it."  He took one of her
hands in his, and kissed it softly on the knuckle
below the middle finger.  Sarah blushed a bit, then
exaggeratedly, she did a curtsey in her seat.

        In the large courtyard with two tennis courts
and two basketball hoops, between four large apartment
buildings that looked identical, underneath a large
night sky with a sliver of a moon and the pink haze of
city lights, James and Sarah said goodnight to each
other, holding each other in their arms, both near
tears.  James promised to be at each meeting, and
Sarah promised to visit tomorrow after school. 
Finally, James held Sarah close to him one last time
and kissed the crown of her head before they went to
their separate apartments.

Chapter Two

        Sarah's mother was strikingly attractive, and
looked almost like Sarah would with longer hair and curves. 
James didn't recognize her at first, because of the
hair and the added weight, which she wore quite well. 
James invited her in, offering a cup of tea or some
soda, both of which she declined.
        "I've come to talk about Sarah."
        "All right."  James watched her as she sat
down at his kitchen table, her hands folded in front of her.
        "I know you mean a lot to her, and quite
frankly, I think it's great that she has someone she can talk to
about this... more than she could talk to me, anyway.
 I mean, there's only so much I can talk to her about
without, you know, having the disease.  Even in two
weeks, I can tell that you've been the greatest friend
she's had and all, but... I think she thinks she's in
love with you.  She talks about you all the time, and
everything she says about you is just glowing.  I
just... I don't know.  I'm afraid that... if you died,
she'd just fall to pieces.  I know I would if she
died, and no matter how hard I try, I can't accept
that she's not going to be here much longer.  I can't
tell you not to see her; God knows that that would be
worse for her than anything else, but... I just wanted
to tell you that.  I'm just afraid she couldn't take
it
again."
        "Again?"  James asked, sitting across from her
now.
        "About a year ago, she made friends with a
girl about your age.  She had ovarian cancer, and during an
operation to remove a tumor, she died when she started
bleeding.  Sarah was absolutely shattered.  She didn't
eat or come out of her room; she almost died, I think.
 It took her months to open up again, to go to her
meetings.  I just don't want to see it happen again,
because I don't think she could take it if you died on
her too."
        "So what do you want me to do?"
        "Just make sure that she knows that you're...
you know, dying.  I'm sorry if I'm being a bit blunt, but
Sarah loves you, and as happy I am that she's happy
again, I couldn't take it if she had her heart broken
again."
        "I think she realizes what's going to happen. 
I see it when she talks to me; I see it in her eyes.  She
knows I'm going to die, and I know it too.  I don't
think it'll be such a shock to her; not to be taken
away suddenly like her friend.  I think she's strong
enough to accept what's happening to me.  I know
without her, I'd never be strong enough."  Sarah's
mother nodded her head for a moment, her eyes fixed on
the tabletop.  Finally, she spoke again.
        "I think it's best that she's happy.  Maybe
you're right; maybe she's able to handle this, but I just
thought that you should know how much you mean to her.
 Make sure that she can handle this.  Make sure that
she's not going to fall to pieces again.  I think you
can do that for her."  With that, she stood and let
herself out of the apartment.  James remained seated
at the kitchen table, listening again to what she had
said as it echoed in the back of his mind.

        That night, Sarah brought over a Monopoly
board and some popcorn.  They played for a while, talking about
anything except their disease.  James was slowly
losing to Sarah, when he mentioned that her mother had
come over to visit that day.
        "What did she tell you?"
        "A lot of stuff.  She's mostly worried about
whether or not you could handle me dying.  She told me about a
friend of yours who died during an operation.  She
also told me about how you felt about me."  Sarah 
paused for a moment, a flash of pain darkening her
face.
        "Her name was Katherine.  This apartment
complex was named after her.  Her husband was an investor in this
area, and when she died, he named it after her, and
helped build the cancer ward at St. Joe's.  She was a
lovely woman, and David, her husband, well, he was one
of the nicest people I've ever met.  They loved each
other a lot, and when she died, I couldn't take it. 
It was just so sudden.  I was so depressed, but David
came and visited one day, and he showed me some old
pictures he'd taken of her and the children, and I
realized that he was trying to tell me to move on, and
just be strong.  It took a while, but I realized that
he was right; I finally learned to accept that she was
gone.  I miss her still, and I think about her
everyday, but I'm not burdened by her death, I just
keep moving on."  She wiped a tear from the corner of
her eye, then continued.  "I know that you and I are
going to die sooner or later.  To tell you the truth,
I'm having a hard time picturing you gone, but I know
that it's going to happen, and I won't give up again. 
I'll miss you too, terribly, but I know you'd never
let me give up."  
        She was interrupted by the telephone.  James
didn't move for a moment, but sat across from her, watching
as she wiped more tears from her face.  Finally, he
stood up and picked up the cordless that sat next to
the couch.  He listened for a moment, saying nothing
but "Hello," and after a moment, smiled.  He handed
the phone to her, then sat on the couch, watching her
as she listened.  She smiled just as he did, then
started crying completely.  She hung up the phone,
then jumped up and hugged James.
        "They've found a donor!"   She sobbed.  "A
donor!"

        James kissed her goodbye on the cheek, then
waved as she was wheeled into the operating room.  Her mother
was sitting next to him, trying to read a novel, but
staring at the clock instead.
        "It'll be a few hours," James said.  "Let's go
get something to eat."
        They were in the cafeteria, alone, sitting at
the same table that James and Sarah had shared over two
months ago.  James didn't eat anything, as his nausea
was barely containable, and he was too tired to stand
very long.  Just dragging himself down to the hospital
had been a chore.  he was very thin now, having lost
fifteen more pounds since first meeting Sarah.  Both
Sarah and her mother were concerned about him now, and
even James knew he was close to the end now.  Sarah's
mother ate silently, watching the clock over James'
shoulder.       
        After eating, James went back to the waiting
area outside the operating room as Sarah's mother went to
the lobby to make a few phone calls.  James waited
until Sarah's mother came back, then curled up and
went to sleep.
        He was shaken awake a few hours later by the
doctor.  Sarah's mother had also fallen asleep beside him, and
was just now rubbing her eyes.  the doctor stood above
them, looking grim.
        "I'm sorry, but we were unable to perform the
transplant."

        James sat at home now, re-reading the report
for the hundredth time.  Two days ago, during the operation,
it was discovered that Sarah had entered the blastic
phase, the same as James' stage, and her white blood
cell count had skyrocketed.  James knew exactly what
she was in for, as he had lived it for the two months.
 One day it would be nausea and anemia, the other
would be joint pain, fever and vomiting.  On very
special days, it would be all at once.  He sat alone
now, reading the report again, hoping that somehow the
words would change and say that everything was
all right.  
        A knock on the door snapped him out of his
trance.  Even before he opened the door, he knew it would be
Sarah and her mother.  They stood outside, in the dark
gray hallway with plastic plants, Sarah with her
backpack and Sarah's mother behind her, arms wrapped
around Sarah's shoulders.  Both were crying, but Sarah
managed a smile.  James ushered them in, but Sarah's
mother stayed outside.
        "I just wondered if it'd be all right if
Sarah... stayed the night tonight."  She bit her lower lip,
then turned to the elevator.  James looked at Sarah,
then shut the door.  Sarah stood by James' couch,
holding her backpack in her hands.
        "Should I just leave this here?  On the couch?
 Or should I just put it in the closet...?"  Her voice
trailed away.  She was quite pale, and trembled
slightly as she stood.  James took her bag and set it
down on the couch, then pulled her into his arms,
kissing her on the crown of her head, where he knew
she liked to be kissed.  
        "I was wrong, you know."  She said.  "I
thought that I could handle it if you were gone, but now... I'm not
so sure."
        "Is this what you want?"  He said as he rubbed
her back softly.
        "I love you, James.  I know you love me, too."
        "I do, Sarah.  I just want you to be sure
about this."
        "I'm sure."  She looked up at him for a
moment, then placed her lips on his, feeling the warmth of his kiss
and the comfort of his embrace.  James closed his eyes
for a moment, feeling no more illness, no more pain or
sickness in his stomach.  Just her.

        He led her into the bedroom, both her hands in
his, looking into her eyes and seeing her smile.  He sat
down on the bed, feeling strength he hadn't felt in
almost a year now.  He let her go for a moment, then
stood up again, close enough to her that he could feel
her breath on his throat.  He kissed her forehead,
then stroked her cheek with his hand.  He slid his
hands to her waist, then began pulling her shirt over
her head.  her skin was almost white, and her body was
frail and thin, but she was the most beautiful sight
he'd ever seen.  He unsnapped her bra, uncovering her
tiny breasts, then he unbuttoned her jeans and slid
them off her waist, then her panties.  she stood
before him now, naked, trembling and scared.  He
smiled again for her, then removed his shirt and
boxers.  They embraced again, kissing and holding each
other, feeling every inch of the other's body.  
        James broke their embrace, holding her hands
in his again.  She smiled, then lowered herself to the bed. 
He took her in for just a second, then gently laid
himself on top of her.  Again they kissed and
embraced, touching and holding, stroking and feeling. 
Finally, Sarah opened herself to him, pulling him
tight to her as he made love to her.  
        James moved slowly, not wanting to hurt her,
and not wanting it to end, ever.  He loved her more than he'd
ever thought possible, and wanted to relish every
moment, every touch, every thrust.  When he could go
no further, he slowly slid back, still kissing and
holding her as he gently moved faster.  
        Sarah breathed harder and became more
aggressive, wrapping her arms and legs around him, pushing her
tongue into his mouth and arching her back to meet his
thrusts.  For the first time she felt loved and
beautiful and healthy and wiser and ecstatic.  James
was the perfect lover for her; gentle and soft,
touching her in exactly the right spots and saying all
the right words as he whispered in her ear.  Soon,
Sarah felt a warm tingle she'd never known before,
reaching from inside her up her spine and all over her
body.  She arched her back one last time as the tingle
exploded in her and she screamed his name as they came
together.

        The next morning, she woke up in his arms
still.  She felt radiant, and being in his arms comforted her. 
She turned to him, still sleeping.  She kissed his
lips and paused.  They were cold and dry.  She sat up,
not wanting to believe what everything inside her
said, but it was true.  James had died in his sleep
that night.  Sarah watched him, hoping it was all a
mistake, hoping he'd take a breath and sit up and tell
her he loved her and how they'd be together forever,
but he didn't.  
        She cried for hours after the coroner took his
body away.  Her mother held her as she'd held him when he
cried so long ago at the meeting.  Sarah tried to be
strong, but she couldn't help but think of him and how
she'd loved him.

        The funeral was the worst.  Sarah barely held
herself together as all of James' friends and family sat
around her and asked how she knew him.  Sarah just
smiled and told them that he was the greatest friend
she'd ever had, and that he meant a lot to her.  Sarah
only told her mother what they did the night he died,
and her mother just smiled and said, "I know."

        It was two weeks later that Sarah was at his
grave again, laying flowers for him at his tombstone.  She
sat next to it and began talking, not knowing why.
        "I miss you, you know.  More than I thought I
could stand, but I'm making it.  I miss your kiss, that
goofy smile you get when you try not to laugh, that
way you always knew where to kiss me.  But I miss your
touch the most.  I wish more than anything that I
could feel your touch again, and maybe I will, after
all this passes.  When we're wherever we end up, I
want you to just hold me forever.  I'll know I'm in
Heaven if I see you again.  It won't be long now,
James."

        Sarah died a month later.  Sarah's mother and
David and most of the people from the cancer group attended
her funeral.  She was buried next to James, and
everyone there talked about how special a friendship
they had, and how tragic it was that they didn't have
so long to live and grow old together, but Sarah's
mother, during the eulogy, said:  "I think that they
were brought together for one last chance.  they loved
each other, they were the best of friends, and they
helped each other when they faced the darkest path,
and I think that they're together right now, having a
good laugh, without pain, without sickness and without
fear.  Sarah, James; wherever you are, I hope that
you're together, and that you're making each other
happy right now."

Legal Stuff:  This story is the intellectual property of the author.  It
is free to use, provided: 1.  It will not be used unless it is available
without cost. 2.  The story is credited to the author by name (Oke).
3.  The author gives consent, written or otherwise.


