PLEASE READ THIS

	There does not need to be a disclaimer in front of this story, because it doesn't contain any sex, that's right, no sex.  I post this here, because I cannot think of any other place on the web to share this type of story.

	This is a story of undiscovered love.  Although love is a very beautiful thing, it is the most devastating, when not shared.  I don't really know why I wrote this, I just felt an urge to write something like this.  The words were not thought about or pondered, they just flowed.  Un explainable in my terms, The words just came as I needed them.  

	If you are looking for sex, this is not the place.  Although this story is not a long one I urge you to read it.  I ask all who read this to send me an email.  You don't have to say anything, just put some notification that you read it in the subject line.  If you wish to leave feedback I would love to hear it.

	If there is a moral to this story, I don't know what it is, being inexperienced in love matters.  But I think that I have an idea: Sharing love is beautiful, and is the most awesome power when reciprocated.  But in gay love there must also be a sense of caution.  Many people don't accept the way we are.  So although it is wonderful and beautiful, trust who you tell.  
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In the Blink of an Eye

	The sun broke over the mountain as I woke up early on another glorious weekend.  I smiled to myself.  Sweeping the covers off of my bed, I quickly got up.  I reached as high as possible and stood on my toes and yawned.  With my daily stretches done, I walked into the bathroom adjoining my room and looked myself in the mirror.  'Not bad' I thought, 'I could use a hair cut.'  My hair was long but thin.  It fell around my ears in a perfect bowl cut.  It was blond and said to be as "smooth as silk.'  Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I looked at my face.  It wasn't perfect in my eyes.  I had emerald green eyes and a wide smile.  I yawned again and stepped back.  I am 17 and  always considered myself a shrimp at about 5'5" and 120lb.  I had defined muscles, but not overly.  Kinda a swimmers build.  Satisfied I used the bathroom to piss and I jumped into the shower.  The warm water felt good as it cascaded through my hair and down my body.  I washed at a snails pace.  I didn't need to hurry, it was Saturday, no school.  
	
	After I finished in the shower, I dried and put on my boxer briefs.  I walked down the stairs for a bite to eat.  I felt comfortable walking around in my underwear.  My parents were not home.  They never are.  If fact I don't get to see them much after the divorce.  My father moved across the county.  I have not seen him since.  My mom lives in the house with me.  I am the only child now that my brother has moved out.  She is out with her new boyfriend on some sort of camping trip.  She is always gone, doing something, going somewhere.  The note is on the fridge.  I look towards the refrigerator. 'Ah yes'

		"Pleasant View Hotel"
		7672 N. Post Ct. 
		Phoenix AZ 85010
		Rm. 476" 

	Pouring myself a bowl of Trix I sat down and quickly ate.  I heard the chimes on the grandfather clock.  It said 10:00.  'That means Adrien will be here in thirty minutes.  I looked down at myself and realized I was still wearing my underwear.  I started to grow a bulge, 'just thinking of him does that.  Think unsexy thoughts.  Think unsexy thoughts.'  A vision of a large woman walking onto the public bus with a giant snot ball dripping out came to mind.  Then she sat down right next to me.  'Oh God, yuck' With that thought my boner quicky deflated.  

	I finished the cereal and went up to get dressed.  I chose a dull red plain tee-shirt and my shorts.  It was late spring in Washington State.  I stepped out onto the patio and felt the cool ocean breeze on my face.  My mother and I lived near the shore of the Puget sound.  Enjoying the calm day, I noticed Adrian walk towards my house.  He was never late.  He walked up the steps to my porch with a great big smile.  Adrian was 17 and a shrimp like me.  That may be the reason we started to become friends.  His hair was jet black and was cut short to look like a spike, He had a deep tan with piercing blue eyes.  He had this way of bouncing while he walked, and looked like he was on top of the world all the time.  

	"Hey, Jaden, you commin', or are you just going to sit there all day."

	"What," I guess I was caught in a trance.

	"Dude, are you ok," 

	"Yea, come on let's go." We planned on going to the arcade today.  I grabbed as many quarters as I could find and locked up the house.  Soon we were off.  He kept his bike at our house, because he doesn't have a garage.  Conveniently he lives just down the block.

	"What is with you this morning," he said.

	"Nothin, just a little preoccupied, I guess."

	"With what?"

	'God I wish that I could tell him', "With my family."

	"What this time?"

	Adrian was the closest thing to a parent that I have.  I never see my father and I don't see my mother much and even when I do, she is way to busy to talk.  Adrian has helped with my homework.  He was after all a year higher than me.  He was always there to talk to.  I have spoken many times about my family, or lack there of.   "I really wish that things could go back the way they were."
	
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	(As Adrien sees it)

	'God I hope not.  Jaden was my best friend.  Ever since his parents divorce, we have become closer than ever.  That is so horrible to say but love has its evil side too.'  "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked him.

	"Yea,"  

	Jaden stared right at me with those emerald eyes.  They held such warmth in them but also much sadness.  I stopped the bike and pulled off the path a bit.  He followed suit.  I looked around and saw that we were by the river.  Just down the ways a bit was a grove of tightly packed trees.  There was a clear space in the middle.  This little grove was our secret space.  When we were younger, we used it to play.  Now we use it to get away from the world and talk, think, or just enjoy each other's company.  I looked back at Jaden and motioned with my eyes to go there.  He got the message and peddled towards the grove.  I followed, watching him closely.  I watched his leg muscles flex as he peddled.  His defined, small legs always turned me on.  I looked straight ahead, avoiding the appearance of his cute butt.  I shook my head and slowed down.  I eventually came to a stop in front of the trees.  We pulled our bikes behind the bush and snuck into the middle of the grove.
	
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	(As Jaden sees it)

	I followed Adrien into the grove.  This was our favorite spot, a place to get away from the world.  I really am to young to say that but it is true.  Before my brother moved out, and my parents divorced, I had never felt the pressure of the world, but now, it is all bearing down on me.  Sometimes I can't take it.  That is when I would come here, alone or with Adrien.  He was always a good friend, but lately that has not been good enough.  I wanted more.  The problem was, I don't exactly know how to tell him.  He has been like a parent to me and I don't want to jeopardize that relationship by telling him that I'm attracted to him, no matter how much that hurt me.  
	
	I sat down on a small rock and he took a seat on another.  I just stared at him for a while and then looked down to the earth.  I couldn't take this pressure anymore.  I could feel the tears begin to well within me.  Not here, not now.  It was too late.  I could feel it roll down my cheek, and drip into the soft dirt.  I looked up into his eyes and saw only compassion.  He got up and walked over to me.  Standing in front of me he motioned for me to give him my hand.  Totally given in to my emotions, I gladly obliged.  He pulled me up into a hug.  My body felt limp but he supported me.  I felt comfortable in his arms.  Not wanting to ever let him go I wrapped my arms around his back, tight.  I turned my head into his shoulder and started to cry.  It was just not fair.  Why does he have to be this nice to me.  He is only making it more difficult on me.  I wanted him to hold me like this forever.  It wasn't to be.  He gently let me sit back onto the rock and instead of sitting on the one across the grove he sat on the dirt right next to me.  The rock really wasn't that high off the ground.  He put his arm around me and leaned in. 

	Rubbing my shoulder he whispered, "What's wrong."   I couldn't say anything.  I just stared at the ground.  "It's ok, I'm here for you dude."  That made me feel better.  Even though the attraction problem was first and foremost, that is something I can't talk about.  Instead I chose to bring out the problem with my family.

	"Adrian," I barely whispered.  I couldn't hold it together, I started to cry again.  This stress of being gay, of having my parents separate, of never seeing my dad, of being alone, just. . . . . .alone.  And finally, of having a friend who cares so much about me.  So much so, that I dare not tell him what I feel for him.  Tears ran like waterfalls down my cheeks, he pulled me closer to him.  "I'm sorry," I whispered into his shoulder.

	"No, shhhhh, its ok," he said as he rocked me back and forth.  "Shhhh, its ok."

	I have never felt closer to him.  I wanted to tell him, so bad, that I loved him, wanted him, needed him by my side.  Love is playing a dirty trick on me.  It is just not fair.  "Adrian, I love you."  There that wasn't so bad.

	"I love you too, man."

	'Nooooooooooo.  He didn't get it.' I just held him tighter as more tears poured out.  I have never felt so open among anybody yet so closed.  My crying lessened into a shudder, and finally ceased.

	"Are you Ok?" He sounded genuinely concerned.  

	"Yea, better."

	"Good, come on, there are games to win!!"  He hopped up and crashed trough the brush towards his bike.  I couldn't help but laugh.  Filled with renewed energy, I also crashed trough the brush and hopped on my bike.  

	The day went by in a blur.  After we had exhausted our quarter supply we went down to the ocean.  There we took a spot on the beach and watched the surf.

	"Jaden?" Adrian started.

	"Yea,"

	"Did you mean what you said back there?"

	"When?"
	
	"In the trees, that you loved me."

	I hesitated, carefully considered my answer, "Yes,"

	"Oh," he said.

	"What about you?"

	"Yea, I meant it."

	I smiled inwardly.  "Hey you want to get a movie and some pizza?"

	"Sounds like a plan."

	We quickly got up and hopped on our bikes.  We raced like mad to get to the rental place before they closed.  I picked out "The Sixth Sense."  Supposedly a good movie.  We raced back to my place and ordered the pizza.  It was always the same with Adrian, pepperoni and extra cheese.  I didn't even have to think as I ordered it.  I used some of the cash that my mom had left to pay for it.  I popped in the movie, grabbed some pizza, and took a seat on the couch.

	"Hey, where's the soda?" Adrian asked.

	"Dude, we don't have any," I realized.

	"You don't have soda," he said, quite annoyed.

	"No, but lets remedy that.  Come on.  Let's walk up to the gas station."

	"Ok,"

	I grabbed just enough money for a twelve pack, put the movie on hold, and put the pizza in the oven to keep it warm.  We marched out of the house.  It was dark by now and the street lights cast eerie shadows on the cement.  I was hoping that we could talk more about this afternoon, but I wasn't going to push anything.  

	We were at the station in no time, it was quite deserted, in fact, I feared it was closed.  We stepped in and purchased a twelve pack of Dew.  'My favorite, nectar of the gods.'  Adrian turned the corner first, behind the gas station.  It was very dark, when I turned, I saw him standing there with his hands up.
		
	"Adrian, what are you doing?" I asked.

	"You, stand here," a voice said.  Then I saw the shadow that was talking to me.  There was a glint of metal which I realized had to be a gun.  I dropped the twelve pack and assumed the position Adrian was holding.  "Give me your money," the shadow ordered.

	We looked at each other and said at once, "We don't have any more."  Wrong answer.  But it was the truth.  The next few minutes passed like hours.  A shot rang out.  Before I heard it, the shadow ran off.  I looked after him, then turned back to Adrian.  He wasn't standing where he should have been.  He was on the ground.  

	"Adrian!!" I rushed to him.  I knelt down by his side and gathered him in my arms.  I looked up and yelled, "HELP."  The station manager must have called the police once he heard the shot because I heard sirens approaching.  He had his hands on his chest.  He lifted his hands and looked at them and then showed them to me.  They were crimson, with his blood.  I began to cry.  He stared blankly at me.  "Nooooo," I yelled.  With one hand I held his head upon my lap and with the other I grabbed both his hands and bought them to my chest.  "No," I said calmly now.  I knew the inevitable but I was unwilling to accept it.  "Hold on. . . . . .Please hold on," I urged.  I set his lifeless hands down and stroked his cheek, smearing his own blood across his face.  I didn't care.  I knew he needed to know that I was there.  I needed to comfort him.  I looked up to see if help had arrived.  I still heard the sound, yet saw no lights.  I looked back at his face.  It had grown pale, life-draining.  He stared into my eyes.  I looked into his.  Those soul piercing blue eyes had darkened to ink black pools.  I held him close.  I knew he could no longer see.  I talked.  "Relax Adrian, relax.  I'm here.  I won't leave you, I'll never leave you."  My dear friend, the one that I loved more than a friend, is dying.  His strength weakened.  He slumped down, no longer looking at me, but staring straight up into the clear night.  "I won't leave you," I continued.  I saw a smile draw upon his lips.  I knew he felt no more pain.  I saw his mouth move, forming words, but I couldn't make out what he was trying to say.

	My eyes were blurry, I couldn't see anything around me, but I could see him.  I could see his last breath, I could see his eyes as they closed for the last time.  I could feel his heart, a heart that pumped so much in sync with mine, stop.  Cold. 

	I remember nothing else of that night, in fact I don't remember much of the following days. Sunday came and went, and so to did Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  I heard the consoling and the mourning.  Everybody knew that he and I were inseparable friends, separated.  They all knew that I held him as he died.  Life didn't matter.  My anchor to reality has been cut.  But I swore on his name, that I would fight it.  I swore on his name, on that night, that I would not take the cheap way out.  Oh, how life can change in the blink of an eye.

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	(Excerpt from page 1, "Port Angeles Times")
	
	Boy Killed in Fatal Mugging.

	On Port Angeles's west side last Saturday, a 17 year old boy, who's identity has not yet been released, was shot and killed.  He was found dead in, what was apparently his friend's arms.  According to that friend, who's identity has also not been released, this homicide started out as a mugging.  When told to give their money, the victim and his friend stated, "We don't have any more."  At that, the suspect took the shot at one of the boys, then ran off.  The suspect has yet to be found.

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	I walked solemnly into the church, my face expressionless.   What more emotion could I show.  My tears, drained.  My face contorted beyond recognition.  I had no strength left.  I was spent, yet I walked into this place of God to say goodbye to my dear friend for the last time.  To see his face one last time.  Only, there would be no heartbeat, no breathing, no life.  Only a shell of the boy I knew.  This is not a memory I wanted of him.  Also, the vision of him, in my arms as his last breath escaped him, still reared its ugly head more often than I can help.  I was faced with a tough decision.  Should my last sight of him be an empty shell or that of a dying life.  I sat at the back of the church and pondered this.

	Memories came flooding back in torrents.  Memories of us as children, playing by the shore, in the sand, building that huge sand turtle.  Laughing and playing in the park.  On the swings, who could get the highest.  Adrian fell and broke his arm that day.  A small chuckle escaped my lips.  That was the first time I laughed in what seemed like days.  I remember signing his cast.  I wrote it real big so that all could see I was his friend.  I remember school, so many memories there.  I had to tutor him in math.  He wasn't a logical person.  He could write, he wrote poems, short stories.  He was creative.  That is one of the parts I loved about him.  I loved him.  Wait. . . .I love him, not loved.  I love the way his hair stayed right where he put it, I love his blue eyes, I love his voice, I love the way he was always in a cheery mood, the bounce in his step.  I love his outlook on life, his attitude.  I love the way he loves me, even though it wasn't romantic, it was still love.  I love the way he held me, the way he cared when nobody else would.  There are a thousand things that I love about him.  

	Oh God, I remember when he had the hots for my brother's girlfriend.  That was so funny.  He couldn't keep his attention on anything else.  That was a long time ago, what, fourth grade.  We were together forever.  I remember the time, that fateful day, when he held me in our alcove.  Let me cry on his shoulder.  That's how close we were.

	I started to cry, I am surprised that I have any tears left.  Soon they were coming out in generous amounts.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a tissue box being held out to me.  I grabbed for one and wiped my eyes.  

	"Thanks."

	"Your welcome, Jaden."  It was Adrian's mother.  

	I looked up at her, and saw the pain in her eyes, as she saw mine.  "Thank you, for every thing, Mrs. Matthews."

	"Your welcome.  I know that this isn't the best time to bring this up, but, Happy Birthday, from Adrian."

	I looked at her quizzically, "Huh?" I completely forgot about my own birthday.  Tomorrow is it?  I couldn't help but think that this was a crappy birthday present.

	"As his father and I were going through his things we saw this," she said as she held out a envelope and a wrapped box.  She motioned for me to take it.

	I took the box and envelope and just stared up at her blankly.  I looked down at the envelope.  There in letters was my name.  "JADEN." I looked back at Mrs. Matthews.

	Sensing my discomfort she said, "Open it,"

	Relaying the fact that curiosity would soon get the better of me I opened the envelope.  Inside was a letter.  As I started to read it was as if he was reading it to me.


Dear Jaden,
(read this in private)

	Dude, I'm sorry that I have to miss your birthday party, you know, but this is something that I can't avoid.  I'll tell you about it later.  I'll catch the last half so wait up, I'll be there.  

	So now, to the important part.  This is hard for me to write.  I am scared of what it may do.  We have had a lot of good times together.  The time you signed your name really big on my cast so nobody would miss it.  Those are the times that I miss.  Because after this letter, things will be different.   

	Don't get scared, you must promise me.  I have noticed your sideways glances and the way you act around me.  So I don't want to scare you by saying that you're gay.  I am completely cool with it.  You might be asking 'how do you know.' I was typing a term paper and I accidently saw one of your journal entries.  Don't be mad.  I know that you like me.  I just want to let you know that I like you too.  If that means that I am gay, then so be it.  

	This is why I picked this present out just for you....us.  

				Love, 
					Adrian Matthews.


	Tears were streaming down my face.  This was all too much to handle.  I couldn't believe he felt the same way towards me as I felt for him.  I can't believe he knew how I felt.  I set the letter down and unwrapped the gift.  Ever so slowly.  Inside was a small black box.  I took the cover off to reveal a gold chain with a small heart pendant.  Inside was also a note.  It read: "These two hearts shall join as one.  Look on the back." I turned the pendant over and there was a small picture of Adrien and around the edge were small clasps.  It then dawned on me, "Two hearts shall join as one." He must have the other one, and when brought together, they can join.  This gift meant more to me than any thing else could.

	I pulled out the necklace and put it over my head and nestled it against my chest.
	
	"So you're the one," Mrs. Matthews said calmly.

	"Huh?"

	"Adrian asked me to take him to get those made.  He said it was for his good friend.  I never realized it was for a boyfriend.  Here," she said.

	Mrs. Matthews handed me a necklace that looked identical to mine.  I looked on the back and there was a picture of me.  "This must have been his, to keep," I said more to myself than anybody else.  I turned towards Mrs. Matthews and stated, "It was meant to be, but we were never boyfriends.  I guess that was supposed to happen tomorrow at the party."  This brought on a new flood of tears.

	"He would have wanted you to have it."

	"Thank you." I pulled off my necklace and latched to two together. "Two hearts shall join as one," I said under my breath, "I love you Adrian."  I closed my eyes and tears again began to flow.  I tucked the joined necklaces neatly against my chest.  There I would keep them forever.  

	I closed my eyes and that vision of him lying in my arms, looking up at me, pleading.  Tears in my eyes.  Scanning it in my mind again, I noticed something that I had not every other time it played out.  Just before he died, he mouthed something, something that I could not understand.  With the news that I just read in the letter, I now understood.  He mouthed, "I Love You."
	
	I smiled.  I have reached my decision.  I stood up and proceeded down the aisle.  Towards the filled casket.  I stood at the brink and slowly looked over the edge.  I was scared.  Scared I would see the same face I saw that night.  Pale, life-draining.  I looked over the edge.  I saw there, the peaceful shell of my lost love.  I couldn't cry, there was nothing to cry about.  I loved and I lost.  There would be mourning of course, but now, seeing him lying there, peaceful.  Adrian died with his eyes closed, a smile on his lips, and his heart open.  He let so many people into his heart, that even in death, he brings life.  I couldn't help but smile.  My love was at peace.  I slowly folded my hands and said a prayer to him.  As I finished, I looked into his face and mouthed the words, "I Love You."

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I have no idea the effect this story had on you, but as I was typing it, I began to cry.  If you didn't read my introduction, do so.  It will help you understand.  Again I ask, that you email me, I don't care if you have nothing to say, I just want to know that you read it.  Please put some recognition to this story in the subject line, like "in the blink of an eye."  If you wish to make comments, I welcome them.  It is always good to hear from readers.  This is only a short story, there will be no more to this, so I would ask one more favor.  If you like this story, tell your friends about it.  
email me at this link: omicron_theta_626@hotmail.com

http://www.omicrontheta.org
