TOFU FUCKUP some sex, sci fi, magic humor

"You said you almost erased the tofu bunch?" The Cheese asked, "why would you do that?"

"They made me so mad. Stubborn...obstinate! And so positive that theirs was the only way." Two Voices complained, "every time I tried to explain he interrupted. He interrupted ME! And acted so Superior! But the last straw was when he insisted, INSISTED!! that I Force the rest of you to work HIS fields." He/she was getting worked up all over again. "He called you, all the rest of you, lazy and needing discipline. And he was the one to see you got it. He even brought up taxes!! I'm beginning to see how you people can have wars!"

"Calm down, cool it," the Cheese made little placating gestures with his hands. "I'd already told them we wouldn't do it. I hate tofu. I once ate some that was spoiled and it gags me now. I'm sure not going to work to grow the shit to make it. Besides, the process to make it??? We don't have the tools. Don't worry about wasting the soy though. It's planted and it'll grow on it's own. I can think of a lot we can do with the beans. The Vegans will love it. You don't have to be a tofu nut to like soy beans. The rice, however, they really screwed the rice." He paused, considering. "Gran's right..we need some orientals."

"You're a good guy, Cheese. Not much of a lab rat anymore. As mad as I got, I'm not a good representative for my people."

"Ah, you're fine, you didn't kill 'em. I'm glad you sent them back though. I was going to have to banish them from the group. Your solution got rid of the beginnings of a real problem."

"I have a confession." Two Voices mumbled," I didn't erase the ringleaders memories."

"Ah, Revenge!! ain't it sweet!" the Cheese chortled, "You've gotten a lot more ratty. Hanging out with lab rats isn't doing you a bit of good." He laughed, Two Voices laughed, the Orientals, four women and two men, laughed too. They had a "bordering on hysteria" laugh.

"Hello, I'm King Cheese, but you can call me Cheese. You're not going to believe where and when you are. There is a "controller", but you can't see it. The voices you can hear are one being with two minds and two voices. One mind is male the other is female...weird huh. We have a problem and you're just the ones to fix it."

The taller male, said, "We must be dead. This doesn't make any sense to me. We six were to be executed by a firing squad. The rifles fired. I don't understand. There's really an afterlife?"

"Whoa, Two Voices...what a feat! Good job."

Two Voices blushed, not that you could see it, but you could feel it.

"What had you done to be executed?"

"We talked to our fellow students about freedom. One of them was a Party informer."

"Interesting. What do you know about growing rice?"

"Lots...or nothing. Why?"

"Good answer." The Cheese spoke to the air, "Two Voices, I need the carpet, do you know where Bill is?"

"Let me check the map...Oooh, he's way over south, by the mountains. Even at top speed it would take him a couple of hours. Use this one.

"Two Voices, you're a sneaky devious woman,man, Whatever."

The Cheese turned to the six Orientals, "Have a seat. I'll show you what the problem is."

"Nice carpet," said one of the women. "Diu nei lo mo!! Oops, I swore! That's surprising. Rumor and Myth are usually based in fact. A flying carpet. I have a question."

"I'll answer it if I can," said the Cheese.

"Why can we all speak English? But we still know Chinese."

"I dunno. Just lucky, I guess."The Cheese looked at her, "You're pretty calm about all this."

"I'm dead, this is just the next adventure."

"Nope, you're not dead. You've been kidnapped and transported to just after the last Ice Age."

"Should we be worried?"

"Maybe," The Cheese laughed an evil laugh. "If you don't know about rice, I'll get the Two Voiced One to send you back. We really need someone to fix our rice crop."

"Back sounds kind of final for us. We'll fake it!"

"I knew you'd fit right in."

"You're pretty funny."

"Is that funny HA HA or funny...sheesh?"

"Funny...sheesh!"

The carpet stopped, and lowered slowly to just above the rice paddy. The rice plants were green and growing in the turbid water. "This looks just like a rice field in China, except it doesn't stink, what's the problem?"

"What do we do with it next?"

"Drain the water in a couple of weeks and wait for the rice flowers to show. You need to water it a lot. If you can stop and start the water, flood it at night, drain it in the morning, once a day. The wind will take care of pollination. Pretty soon the rice will begin showing on the stalks. Harvest it, thresh it, store it in pots, keep it dry. That's about it. This looks good."

"Hmmm...how about soybeans?"

"You have soy?"

"Whole damn field of it. Wanna see?"

"We might as well."

"Here we go."

"Oh, that's lovely. Who plowed? You have tractors?"

"Nope, horses."

"That's an excellent job. So straight. I'd love to meet the plower. My father doesn't do that well with a tractor."

"You can meet him tonight at the hot pool party."

"You have hot water baths?"

"Nope, natural hot springs. Continuous flow. The water is always clean."

"Oh my. I'm so dirty from prison. I'd love a hot bath."

"How about now. The rest of you up for it? I'll get the Stick and my wife and we'll chat."

"Sure, Wheee! this carpet is fun!"

"This is the pond, clothing is not allowed. That way is east...the water's colder there. That way is west, it's pretty hot there. It's nice in the middle. Strip off, I'll take your clothes to get matched and bring some clean things."

Spaaaaaash! There was a lot of ooohing and aaahing and one, Fuck that's cold! The Cheese chuckled all the way to the village.