OBSERVER some sex, sci fi, magic humor

Two Voices "found" four carpets for them: one more "cargo" carpet and 3 "bathmats". This time the women went, the men stayed home.

If you want highly observant people, use women. Just mention to a woman that you found an article in a Sporting Magazine that reads "Women can't see game animals" and no deer or elk will be missed as long as she's in the truck.

Gossip, read, play with the baby, check the map, she can do all these things and "there's a muley buck just under the ridge third chokecherry left of of the tallest pine on the ridge. It's a 10 pointer."

"Yeah, right."

"Stop the truck and get out the binocs if you don't believe me. Betcha $10.00."

"Bet!"

"What, you still can't see it? Hold on a second."

HONK HONK HONK.

"Well shit" as you haul out the wallet and fork over. That damn deer was so buried in the chokecherries that the only part visible was an inch of antler tip. But she saw it, half a mile away and uphill. As you drive away, you both mutter, "can't see game, my ass," you with a frown of consternation and her with a vindictive grin.

Got a problem with burglars? Let just one of them bad guys get close to her baby and you're calling the morgue for a pick up. Gentler sex my ass. Timid? not MY wife. We were living in northern Wyoming, when the sheriff came out to the house to check on another gun report in the middle of the night. The first thing he did was blip the siren at the gate so she'd know he was there. The second thing he did was call out, "Jo, it's the Sheriff, can I come up to the house?" The third thing he did was ignore the blood trail from halfway up the walk: the body was on the porch and that's all he cared about. Forth, he asked, politely, he noticed Jo had her right hand behind her skirt. "How many rounds, Jo."

"Two." The Smith was on the freezer, open, with four live rounds and two hulls. "Sheriff, this one came armed, pretty little AK." she pointed with her left hand to the rifle by the freezer. "I'd admire to have it when the inquest is over."

"Shit! Sorry, Jo. Warning Shot?"

"Yup." as she left hand pointed to a hole in the porch ceiling.

"Which shot came first, Jo?"

"You're getting a little personal, sheriff."

"Looks pretty cut and dried to me, Jo. Warning shot, two rounds fired, torn blouse, yup. Self Defense. We have your ballistics on file?"

"Every gun in the house, the barn, the coal shed, the hired hand house and the chicken coop, sheriff. You get 'em first."

"How many does this make?"

"Don't know, I lost track. You'd think they'd stop coming way out here, it just ain't safe."

"Bye Jo. The morgue is on the way. I can see the wrecker is picking up the car."

"Sheriff, it could be worse. The Game and Fish have to deal with the poachers. Stop out again, sheriff."

"I hope not, Jo. It's a long trip and these patrol cars use a lot of gas."

"I can drag 'em out to the dead calf ditch, coyotes will take care of the problem. You won't even have to bury 'em."

"Thoughtful of you, Jo. It's better to have the neighbors call anyway, there might be someone waiting at home."

"Yup, even assholes have wives."

"Jo, you ever gonna get a phone?"

"Nope, the neighbors call. They say I'm better entertainment than television. If we had a phone people would call. They'd want to talk. I'm busy. Sheriff, you forgot the AK."

"Keep it Jo, call in the numbers. If I take it that no-account nephew of the wife's will "lose it". If it's stolen the Cheese can bring it in."

You put several women with that protective instinct together, dress 'em up in camo black and a little warpaint, give 'em guns, and you have a winning night time paintball team.

Three teams went out on the cargo carpets and three pairs on the mats. Jo took one of the mats, and the Chinese student with military training, Su-lin. Carol took a mat and Auntie Beck. Two Voices promised to keep them supplied with food and water so everyone traveled light. Jo had a feeling, an inkling, so to speak, and headed west towards what might someday become Nevada and California. Carol headed for the Cascade Mountains and the volcanos.

The observers who went east were soon back. "It's all washed out. All that area has suffered from the melt waters, some valleys like the Tennessee and Ohio in the mid south are still lakes but they're draining."

"The Mississippi is 70 miles wide."

"The Missouri isn't a river yet, it's all running down the Milk. The Milk is 20 miles wide and fast moving. It looks shallow."

"The Great Lakes are unrecognizable and there's a lot of ice still in the north."

"The east coast is rapidly submerging. The coast line is weird. Florida is HUGE and the Gulf is a deep puddle."

"The whole north Atlantic is gray with silt."

"New Hampshire and that whole north east is still ice bound."

"The Caribbean is very volcanic and the islands are a mountain range in a great big stretch of land."

" South Texas along where the border will be might be inhabited. I suggest we all team up and check it closely."

Jo and Su-lin arrived from the west. Jo and Su were both sick with relief. "California was inhabited...right along the San Andreas Fault. Everything is destroyed. The few people we saw were Chinese or Asian and they were making their way to the sea. We terrified them. Su-lin is Officially a Goddess. She was driving and they could understand her. Barely."

Su-lin was laughing and carrying on..."Yes, I hope they get boats and go back to China. I want to be a household goddess. Those people said their ancestors came by boat thirty thousand years ago, I hope there's hard archaeological evidence of their claims."

Jo continued, "the earthquakes are enormous but the shaking is all on the ocean side. Many tidal waves and destruction is everywhere. We flew out over the ocean and saw a few boats all heading to the west."

"We flew farther north and found a great deal of damage. There are many active volcanos along the coastal range. We know where to find gold, we watched some being pumped out of the earth."

"We met Carol and Aunt Beck, are they back? They have news."