BEER AFTER MATH

"Oh, man. I want a beer," said the Cheese, "how am I going to do that?"

"You could make mead," Jo suggested. "If you had honey, if you had a fermenter, if you had yeast, if you had..."

"Shit, woman! Don't rub it in!" The Cheese hollered, "HEY!"

"Yes Cheese?" Two Voices responded.

"I want a beer. I know what I need to brew it and I'm willing to wait for it to ferment, but it's going to have to be either bottled or we drink it all at once." The Cheese pondered the subject for a bit, "Jo, Call a town meeting, please."

Jo did. The deal was put to a vote. The family was all for it but the tribe didn't have a clue.

"Beer?" asked Lone Tree, "what's beer?"

"Oh, shit," commented Cheese. "You don't have a clue and it's going to take some careful experimenting to make sure your people can drink it."

"How come?"

"Native Americans...that's you in 17 thousand years...don't do beer or alcohol well."

"Why not?"

"It's an adaptive thing. "The Cheese thought about it, "if you take it easy and don't drink a lot I'll bet you can adapt to it better than they did. I think it's just a matter of time and usage. If it doesn't work, I won't make it again."

"What does it do? Your tobacco is great...actually, the tribe likes everything you guys do. The bow and arrows are a big improvement over the spear. The tipi is much better for living in than the huts we used to make. And the horses... we love the horses."

"Yeah, well, you're not supposed to get horses until the Spanish bring them. I cheated."

"So, what's beer?" Lone Tree asked, again.

"This is going places you don't have a clue."

"You said that."

"I know...Barley...it's a cultivated grain...Whooboy this is going to get complicated. We're going to have to plow and sow seeds, raise a crop, harvest it, thresh it, sprout it, heat it to stop the sprouting, crack the sprouted grain, put it in heated water, circulate the water, raise the temp of the water, drain it into a vat, boil it...hop it...shit. Two Voices?"

"Yes, Cheese?"

"Do hops grow here?"

"Ask Jo."

"JO!!"

"Yeah Cheese?"

"Hops. Are they native?"

"Yup."

"Got any?"

"No."

"Can you get any?"

"No, but you can. I'll show you where it's growing." Jo walked over to the cliff about 30 feet from the falls and pointed, up, "hops, byeee."

"Holy shit! That's a long ways up!"

"Yup." Jo laughed, "have fun."

The hops had sprouted in a crack about half way up the vertical cliff face and just kept growing up. Getting to them called for a conference with Bill.

"BEER?!?!" Where do I sign up!!" exclaimed Bill.

"Hold yer hosses, cowboy." The Cheese continued, "this might not work so don't get yer panties in a twist."

"TEASE!!"

"I actually think we need to go fetch some from home," the Cheese suggested, "just to see if this will be worth doing. If we got long necks we could reuse the bottles....shoot...I forgot"

"What did you forget?" asked Lone Tree.

"Sugar," Cheese confessed, "I'm going to need sugar for the carbonation."

"What's carbonation?"

"See," laughed Cheese, "you don't have a clue."

"You said that." Lone Tree asked, "what's a clue?"

"HEY!!"

"Yes, Cheese?"

"I need some beer. Pry top long necks please. Something tasty. Mexican or Aussie or British. Ales please. I need about 600 bottles. I'll need some other things later but that'll do for now."

"Coming right up."

"ALL RIGHT!!" said Bill.

The aftermath wasn't pretty...anything after math isn't pretty.