HOW LONG?some sex, sci fi, magic humor

"HEY!"

"You rang?" Lurch echos across the hills.

"Shit! He/she/it/whatever is watching the Addams Family on TV," said Jo.

"Fucked," said Vickie.

The Cheese questions, "you gonna help us out, here?"

"Why?" asked Gomez.

"I can come up with a bunch of reasons." said Jo.

"Me, too." said Kurt.

Vick mumbled, "fucked."

"Ok, name some," cackled uncle Fester

"How long do you expect this experiment to take?"

Wednesday, full of woe, said. "As long as it takes."

"That's not going to be very long."

"Why?"

"Because the gene pool is too limited."

"Why?"

"There's only four of us."

"It took two the first time," laughed the whatever. "They made it."

"Where on earth did you come up with that?"

"Read it in a book."

"Shit, we're fucked." said Vickie, "I wanna go home."

Kurt said, "Oh my God...whatever has been reading mythology."

"Yup," said Vick." Fucked."

Jo held up her hand. "Answer me this...do you have government funding?"

"Ooooo, Jo. Hauling out the big guns already." said Vickie. "I'm impressed!"

"He got awfully quiet," Kurt offered.

"Way to go, Jo," applauded The Cheese. "I didn't think of that."

Jo gives him the 'You idiot' look.

The Cheese gets defensive. "That's not to say I wouldn't think of it."

"Yeah, right," sarcasm ripples across the land.

"HEY." The Cheese said. "You keep out of this."

"Why?" asked whatever. "You're the one who interrupted my entertainment."

"Hey, For someone who thinks he/she/it, whatever you are, has all the answers, you're damn all unhelpful," complained Vickie.

"I'm supposed to be, as you put it, damn all unhelpful."

"Why?" asked Vickie.

"Say, that's my line."

"Huh?" said everybody.

"The answers are part of the question. The question is part of the experiment"

"What's the question?"

"Which one?" asked whatever. "oh, this one." Sounding suspiciously like the Cheese, whatever said, "are you going to help us out?"

"Well?"

"Yes," said whatever "If you can tell me what you need and why, I'll get it for you...as long as it's part of the experiment."

Ah, Now we're getting somewhere.

The Cheese asked, "will you tell us what the experiment is?"

Jo stepped in and said, "that's not the right way to phrase it, Cheese." She spoke to the whatever. "Tell us your experiential goals."

"To see if this subset of bipeds can be made ready."

"Made ready for what?" asked the Cheese.

Whatever explained, "to be admitted."

"Admitted to what?" asked the Cheese.

"That I can't tell you, I must say that, so far, you "innies" are doing better than expected...However, the "outties" aren't."

"Aren't what...Oh, wait. I get it."

"Progress!"

"You are a sarcastic bastard."

"Another correct answer!" grinned whatever. "Jo, How many "outties" are necessary for success?"

"These two at the very least...four would be better."

"What's the problem, then?"

"In a perfect situation, we'd need 180,000 "innies" per "outtie"."

"Oooo, that's a bunch."

"Genetic breeding," offered Vickie.

Whatever pondered, "I could do that, there's that many "innies" who vanish a year."

Kurt said, "you'd have to feed them, we couldn't!"

Jo and Vick put their heads together...Jo spoke up, "since we don't see that happening, 50 each might work."

"I can do that easily," whatever agreed. "Uhh...you said 'might'."

"You'll have to eliminate jealous, bigoted and religious thought while keeping an intense drive to compete with nature alive. Competition in the group would be very bad! Survival of the group must be the pre-emminent motivation in both "innies" and "outties."

"I see," said the whatever. "You want 96 commune compatible, mentally adjusted hippies."

"Yup," said Jo. "We'll need to be supplied with the tools, skills and reproductive safety to keep the group viable and growing for at least five generations, a generation being 20 years. Since we can't carry the tools, you'll need to resupply the group as tools break or wear out."

Kurt said, "and we need transportation to get us out of the coming disaster."

"And you need to rescue the fools while we learn,"said Jo.

"You don't want much, do you!"

"Oh...we can have more?" said Jo, sweetly.

"Arrrrgggghhh!"

"Transportation that leaves no footprint would be nice," suggested the archaeological mind of the Cheese.

"Or saddle sores." commented Vickie.

"Ok, Ok, Ok...where do you want to go?"

"Got a map?" asked the Cheese. "I know the perfect spot."