Crown of Thorns
Chapter 11

	The gay part of my life was sufficiently kept under wraps throughout the entire trial.  So, when I returned to school, nobody knew.  However, I was drilled all the time by questions.  

"What did he do?" , "What did he get?" , "Are you ok?"  These questions were further compounded by the statement, "Can I see."  By the end of the day I was exhausted.  I trudged home and collapsed onto my bed without a single word.  

"Are you ok?" I heard Mrs. Chambers voice come through the door.

"Yea, just tired."

"Was it that bad," she said as she came in and sat on the corner of my bed.

"Worse."  I flipped over to face her.  "All day, everyone I knew, and most I didn't made it a point to ask a question."

"Poor baby."

"I just wish that none of this would have happened."

"I know."  I really don't see how parents can know everything.  "Things will get better," she continued.

"I know, this just sucks."

"I bet, just hang in there."  She got up to leave.  "Now rest.  Dinner will be ready at five o'clock."

"Alright."  With that she closed the door and I closed my eyes.

?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T ?T

How the hell he knew that I'd just woken up will cease to amaze me.  "Good morning, beautiful."  

I knew that voice.  Still with my eyes closed, I took in a sharp breath then smiled with the exhale.  "Good morning."  Realization struck in instant I said that.  "MORNING!!!"  Then I said as if it was the most common thing in the world.  "SCHOOL?" 

"Ohh, God.  Relax.  I was just kidding.  It's about 4:30 of the same day."  Relief must have shone on my face because he continued, "I'm sorry."

"No, No, you just took my by surprise."

"Well, up.  Rise and shine.  Dinner is on the table.  And Danny's mother was kind enough to let me stay."

"Kind enough, she'd better if you're my boyfriend."

He just smiled to that, grabbed my hand and pulled me up.  Then he pulled further into a kiss.  "I love you.  Always will, never fail."

It was my turn to just smile.  "Thanks, I love you too."

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I saw my brothers often.  They came to eat dinner with us, or sometimes I would go over there.  Things went to normal.  I felt at peace with myself.  Something that I was severely lacking in the last few years.  Through the months I told Terry everything.  The suicide attempts and all the pain that I suffered.  He assured me that he would be there for me for all time and that I was a great person.

His sincerity when he said these things made me fall in love with him deeper than I already was.  It also made me feel more live than I had in a long time.  

"Little Shop Of Horrors," Went off without a hitch.  All the notes reached, all the songs sung, and all the applauses accounted for.  It was spectacular.  In truth I haven't felt this good in a long time.  I know that I say that a lot, but it is how I feel, and that cannot be ignored.

Terry's mom finally got used to the idea that he wanted to spend a lot of time at my house.  (That still makes a nice feeling spread in my heart.  "My house.")  To ease her pain, so to speak, I made it a point to spend nights over there.  

To put it mildly, the sex was outstanding.  Just outstanding.  The fact that this was with the boy that I would love for the rest of my life was just the icing on the cake.  Can I ever say that enough.  "I love him, I love him, I love him."  My first anal penetration came as sort of a surprise, but it was done in a loving manor and hence was repeated often, on both sides.  Giving and taking.  We took Mrs. Chamber's advice and were careful and considerate.  I heard no more complaints.  

Danny found himself a girlfriend.  Liz, we called her.  She was fun to be around and completely accepting.  I liked her from day one.  Danny did as well.  A few days after they started going out. My new mom and him had the sex talk.  You know, birth control, STD's, condoms.  The exact talk that we got, nix the birth control.  That is already accomplished.  Hehe.

Summer is rapidly approaching and with the growth of the new leaves.  So too does my love for Terry.  We don't plan far into the future, because we don't know what the future is.  We find it better that way.  I don't know, maybe that is a bad idea.  It just makes sense right now.

My father, the long forgotten figure of my long forgotten nightmares, is locked away.  For a good long time.  I know that I won't be seeing him for a while.  And when he does get out.  Mom, said that she would put a life long restraining order on him.  I am confident that he is out of my life for good.  

Getting back to my brothers.  This will be their last year of High school, then they will stay together through collage, hopefully.  But like I said.  Things change.  I don't know what the future will bring.  However, as of now, each is enrolled at the local college for trade schooling.

I don't know how many times I can say it without exploding, I am a lot happier now.  I have a continuous smile on my face.  I am popular with out little clique.  Having the lead roll in a play does that.  It didn't mean so much to me as it did with everyone else.  My grades have improved.  And the teachers all comment that they have noticed a difference in the way that I work.  That makes me feel good as well.

That piece of art, "Crown of Thorns," is still in the display box at school.  I stop and look at it every once and a while, just to admire the change.  Just to stop and think at how things are different.  No matter what that picture means to me, and how well it described my life.  Change requires change.  

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Terry and I hiked to the river, not so far out of town.  It was a nice day and became a nice hike.  By lunch we arrived at the greening banks of the river.  I picked a large flat rock and put down my bag, as he put down his.  

He pulled out lunch, and I pulled out my chalk, and a piece of paper.  I set down on a particularly flat spot.  Then I looked over the river and just admired the view.  It really was beautiful.

Terry came and sat down beside me,  he put his arm around my shoulder.  "What are you going to draw?"

In barely a whisper, I said, "This."

"Oh," he mumbled with the same inflection.  

"Shh, and just listen."  I pulled out my pencil and started with the background.  The river with the trees on the far bank.  Then I pictured myself a yard to two behind where I was and drew myself, over looking the river.

I drew it with perfection.  Not missing a curve or bump.  I even drew that hair that never went into place.  Then I drew Terry beside me.  I paid particular attention to him.  I wanted every person who saw this to see him, like I did.  In the back ground I again drew a watermark.  Only this time, the face.  It was smiling, happy, content.  I set down the spent pencil and just looked out over the river once again.  

"Sandwich?"  

"Huh?  Umm, yea."

"Good."

"What were you doing all this time?"

"Watching you draw, watching you watch the river."  He stared into my eyes.  When he gets that look, I can't tear myself away.  I smiled.  He smiled in return.  He scooted right up beside me.  "When did you decide to put people in the picture?"

"I don't know, it just happened."

"I like the face in the background.  Completely the opposite of the one in your other drawing."

"That's the point."  I engulfed the sandwich and pulled out my black chalk.  With ease, I scribbled on the page, as if I were two.  But, as if some unnatural force was controlling my hand, it worked and looked right.  My hand flew from tray to page with dull light colors for the trees, then I did us in black and added white chalk highlights.  No other color was used.  I used a grey on the visage in the background.  

Minutes flew by and soon I had spent a full hour on perfecting the coloring.  But when I was done.  It looked right, it expressed mood.  A mood of happiness.  The one I wanted to convey.  

"How do you like it?" I asked Terry.

"I love it."

"Really?"

"Yea."  He said this calmly and into my ear.  

"Stop, that tickles."

"I know."  Then he kissed it.  I lay back against the hard surface of the stone as did he.

"I love you Terry, everything about you."

"You know the answer to that."

"I want to hear it.  It makes things inside me tingle."

"I love you, forever."

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