You KNOW the rules! If you're not allowed to read...don't! Just go away! HERE
If you're old enough that your particular governmental entity has decided you are an adult, knock yerself out, have at it, git 'er done, or whatever works. You can read this part anyway, 'cause there's NOT ANY SEXY BITS!!! That comes later!

A personal message to parents of teenagers. Your kids know all your passwords. Most of the teenietechnogeeks can bypass any block you might care to put on your computer. If your child can text 90 words a minute, you can bet they're smarter than you! Kids are going to do it and you might as well have them do it at home in a reasonably controlled environment. End of message.

A gap for you to decide whether or not I speak with forked tongue

Made up your mind?
YES?....NO?.... Maybe? Hurry up I ain't got all day!

HOW WE GOT HERE
Or, The evolution of Man and the real reason the species is present on the planet, Sol Three. (Darwin didn't have a clue)

"Ladies! Ladies, please! Settle down!"
'Aw shit,' I thought. 'Here we go again. Just like last Friday!' I drew my ancient and exceptionally large Smith .44magnum and fired off a round into the ceiling of Wesson Lecture Hall. 'Shit! That's loud!' and I smacked my ears with the palms of my hands...and the .44. and THAT hurt, too! I've been teaching this class for a couple of years and the janitor hates me.
Do yourself a favor, never discharge a large bore firearm in a room. The bigger the room the bigger the echo! Although, on my last sabatical, I fired a Smith .22 out the open passenger side window of a Dodge pickup. That hurt! and is probably the reason I don't hear so pretty awfully good.
Maybe I should introduce myself. I would love to tell you I am the Dean of the Anthropology Department. I would love it as much to be able to say I am a full professor. I am neither. I am Adjunct Professor and part time instructor at the University of All Worlds and this is my first teaching position. Anthropology 101-w. I teach Freshman... ah...excuse me... Fresh women... everything I know about us...people, and the like. We all know what freshwomen are like. Thank your Deity of choice for Fresh Women!! Anthro 101-w is a female only class. There is also an Anthro 101-m but I don't teach it...I don't want to teach it and never will teach it because I'm male. One of our wives teaches it...poor thing! Imagine trying to teach Anthropology to 527 Fresh Men... I don't understand why she loves it.
Teaching came late in life. I spent the first 20 years of my existence buried in Artifical Intelligence Computers and made a couple of interesting discoveries: Time is not the same on all planets and you can "warp" it. It's adjustable. Yup...I'm that guy. My name is something you can't pronounce. Your language skills are too weak. You can think it and if I'm close I'll respond. I can't type it so you can call me Dr. Dave...just Dave works too. I'm not "Oh God" no matter what the girls scream. But I am close. It all depends on your point of view.
My class is dependent on my discoveries and the discoveries are the main reason I have this Ph.D...it's the reward I got for my work...and the papers I wrote defending that what I did actually works. This Smith .44 is part of the proof...so is the whip and the hat. You can laugh here...I know I did!
By the way, I'm smart, but since we all are smart "there" it's no big thing. "There? Where is there?" If I could tell you where "there" is you wouldn't believe me but since I'm writing where you are I guess it doesn't really matter. Ah...where are you?
There's a minor star in an insignificant spiral galaxy so far from the center of everything that it's mind boggling. On a bluegreen planet orbiting this minor star there seems to be enough "Air," which is mainly composed of nitrogen, oxygen, and argon constituting the major gases of the right kind of atmosphere, to produce life. Ain't eddeykation wunnerful?
In the beginning there was light. Star light... really upclose and personal star light. In the beginning there was water. Sea water...Salty seawater. In the beginning there was lava. Volcanic lava with heat and melty rocks and like that. In the beginning there was chemistry. All kinds of chemicals in the sea. Soon after the beginning there was an island. Volcanic land thrusting up from the seabed and building a place for the chemistry to grow. And the chemistry grew...and became Biology. Oops! Wrong growth! Try again.
Eventually, after millions of mistakes, the chemistry worked and there was life that combined and flowed and ate and was eaten and grew and swam and crawled and climbed and walked and finally was interesting... to me. And my Anthropology class.
Chapter Two