       
All names are changed, I don't remeber what they were anyways. I didn't write this with the idea of being overly sexual, though it is about sex, so if you are looking for a good story to fap to this might not be what you're looking for. I wrote this for me, because if I didn't tell someone I think I may have gone batshit crazy. I still might.... Nietchsze@yahoo.com




       When I was about seven years old I found a thick soft cover book in a box of things my mother's new boyfriend had yet to unpack. It was called "The World Sex Almanac". It was mostly text, a lot of which I could read but had no idea what it meant. But it had a lot of illustrations, too. Some were more graphic than other; some were downright comical and if they didn't depict hardcore sex the style of illustration would have fit right in on the pages of Mad magazine. Some were an Asian style, some middle eastern that probably came right out of the Kama Sutra. All of them were sexual in nature. I did the first thing most 7 year old boys would do: I ran off to show my best friend Johnny, also 7. I stuffed it under my shirt and left.
	We looked at it amazed but quietly for almost an hour, each of us trying to figure out what some of the stranger words were. What they could mean. I assumed things such as one picture must be of a missionary, though he didn't look like someone who went to church. The caption of this picture says the girl is a cowgirl, though she certainly didn't look like one. We tried to decipher the words, trying to figure out what exactly was going on in the pictures. I remember some of the pictures very clearly. 
	One was an older man, who according to the caption was the father, sitting on an old plank swing hanging from a tree. He was swinging wildly as a young girl, I assume his daughter, was holding her skirt up as she straddled him with his cock buried in her. She was very obviously happy. The father had a look of...surprise? Pain? I couldn't tell. In the background was an older woman with wide hips, I assumed it was the mother, leaning against the tree. I didn't notice it till Johnny pointed it out that she was slightly lifting her skirt and that there was obviously a small boy underneath her skirt. She seemed surprised too. They were all dressed very old-fashioned, like the American settlers of the 1880's. 
	Another was a depiction of an adult man with a HUGE penis, bigger than his arm. A woman tried in vain to get her mouth around it, which I thought was an incredibly odd thing to do. Most of these pictures had depicted a man's penis as nearly the size of his arm, but this one was closer to the size of his leg. And why would a woman want to put her mouth on his penis? Strange. Another depicted men doing...something to a woman's vagina. Is he..is he smelling it? Talking to it? Is he talking into it? Wait..is he licking it? What a weird thing to do...
	Johnny mentioned how large the men's dicks were; I told him I noticed that too. Soon enough we had our pants around our ankles and were comparing dicks. It was a relief that his was no bigger than mine, at the time it was only 2 inches, maybe. Content that I was normal and that my huge baseball bat cock would appear as I grew into an adult we pulled our pants up and paid more attention to the females. Now, I wasn't completely naïve. I knew what a penis was, and that girls didn't have one. I had also heard of sex before and knew it was something moms and dads (or boyfriends) did but beyond that I didn't really know much. Didn't care much either. But these pictures showed that a woman's vagina was actually a hole large enough to take these huge cocks. I had never seen a vagina before but Johnny had 4 sisters, 2 older and 2 younger. The youngest was less than 2 years old and just learning to walk. So we went downstairs, scooped her up and brought her up to his room with us. We removed her diaper and looked at her. Some of the ones in the book had hair around them, but like my cock she was hairless. I remembered the picture of the father and daughter on the swing, she didn't have hair either. Maybe this grows in later I thought. We poked and pushed at her fleshy mound, she didn't seem to care much. I pulled her pudgy lips apart and saw.... Nothing. I mean there was a tiny, tiny hole there, but certainly no hole large enough for me to fit a finger into, much less one of these huge cocks. Must be part of the 'joke' of the book I thought. I mean, the cartoons on TV shows Jerry blowing up Tom with dynamite and he walks away from it. The coyote falls from immense cliffs. So this has to be something like that. Just kind of a joke. We put her diaper back on and took her back downstairs. It was almost dinner so I trudged back home in the snow with the book under my shirt.
	On my way home I wondered; why did I hide the book under my shirt? How did I know that if an adult saw me looking at it I would be in trouble? No one had ever told me I wasn't allowed, I just kind of knew. And why had we taken his little sister upstairs to look at? Why did we know that if we did that in the living room we would have been in trouble? It's not like anyone ever told me I wasn't allowed to look at her. For some reason when I got home, I took the book and went into my closet and shut the door. I leafed through the pages, trying to figure out what was going on and what everything meant. I saw a picture of a woman laying on the ground reaching up and guiding a horse penis into her. It made sense that horses had penis too, but the whole part of a woman and a horse was crazy. That has to be another joke or something. Next page was a woman with a dog. I didn't take them very seriously. Again with the huge dicked men though. I pulled my pants down and poked and prodded at my cock, hoping to stretch it to the size of the guys in the book. To my surprise, it kind of worked! It got a little bigger, almost twice its normal size! And it was kind solid too, not quite so soft and flexible. I felt really light-headed, almost dizzy. I remember feeling fuzzy, as if I couldn't feel anything else except my penis. Similar to the feeling you get when your leg is asleep from sitting to long, only this was my whole body feeling that fuzzy numbness, all except for my wiener. Mom calling me to dinner snapped me from my daze; I zip up and go eat. 
        This becomes a ritual of sorts for me. Come home from school, watch Spiderman and then go to my closet to make myself "light-headed" until dinner.
	One day at school Johnny tells me about something that happened the night before that I HAVE TOO see. He was sent to the store after dark for something and on his way home he decided to take a short cut between houses. He peeked in a window and saw a guy watching TV and there were people doing things like we saw in the book! I have to see it. I have to watch it. I'm thinking about it all day. When the weekend comes I get mom to allow me to go over to Johnny's for the weekend. As soon as it's dark we sneak out his bedroom, across the porch roof, and down the neighbors' fence. We sneak through the streets as if we just stole something, hiding in shadows and ducking behind trees and bushes. We wait until no cars are coming. We avoid street lights. Like most 7 year olds I am imagining I'm escaping jail, or something. It takes us probably 30 minutes to go 5 blocks. 
        We come to the house Johnny told me about and the gap between the houses is tight, barely wide enough for a grown man to walk through. It's maybe 2 feet wide. I don't even know why they would put a window here. We stand on the small lip where the siding meets the foundation and peek through a window. A man is sitting in a chair watching a small TV, maybe 19". (Note: This was in 1980. TV's were small and grainy. Cable TV was for rich people and there were no satellite dishes. A HUGE TV was only 27", and a lot of people still had black and white TV's) He was slightly turned away from us, so we were well out of his peripheral vision. His TV was turned slightly too, and it wasn't very clear. But you could definitely make out some pictures at times. While there was a lot of hair, it seems that you don't just put your wiener in a woman; you move it in and out a lot. Apparently this whole sex thing has a lot of movement to it. The book didn't really show that. 
        One of the clearer images is a woman with a man's cock in her mouth, moving it in and out. I notice that his penis isn't nearly as large as the ones in the book and it occurs to me that the huge penises were also part of the joke. I feel relieved and stupid at the same time. Johnny points out that the guy, who I had completely forgot was there, has his penis out and is touching it. I recognize this as the same type of thing I do when I make myself "light-headed"! I go back to watching the TV. It is completely fascinating, but also kind of blurry. Right when I think I have figured out what the image is on the screen the camera angle changes. Suddenly the screen goes dark, the light goes out and we can see the guy get up and leave. 
        We go home, trying to piece together what we saw and how it actually all works. We do this a couple more times over the next few months, sneaking out on weekends to the house with the TV. We quit when after three consecutive visits to the house winds up producing nothing more than us watching "Falcon Crest" or "Dallas" through some other guys window. I still make myself "light-headed" every day in my closet with the book.
	It's now summer and Johnny and I spend almost every day running around doing stupid things most 7 year olds do. We throw rocks at things, we find bottles and break them. We climb up things we aren't supposed to climb. We generally goof off. We notice one day a few blocks over near the playground that there are 3 girls who always seem to sit out on the porch but never leave the yard. They don't go to school with us, but I have seen them before. We talk to them one day and find out that they are from a different town, and that they are spending 2 months with their dad here. I've seen them before because they spend every other weekend here during the school year. They are Stacy 13, Ann 8 and Beth 6 (Note: These names are made up, I honestly do not remember their names. I truly wish I did, but this was 30 years ago. Also were NOT looking for sex, we weren't trolling them. We honestly just wanted someone else to play with) We talk to them about coming over to the playground, but their older sister Stacy refuses. They are all supposed to stay on the porch until their dad comes home. He works as a garbage man and comes home around noon. We come back in the afternoon and ask again, and their father allows them as long as they stay with Johnny and I, and that they come home in time for dinner. Stacy being 13 doesn't really care to go, so she stays at home and Ann and Beth accompany us to the playground. We do this every day for a week. After that the girls are allowed to come with us in the mornings too. It's June of 1980. We spend most of our days swinging, jumping, climbing and playing in the the playground and nearby streams.
	One day in the morning Beth says we have to walk her back home, and she has a troubled look on her face. I don't really want to walk her all the way back and no one else does either. When I ask why because lunch isn't for another 2 hours, she exclaims:
        "Because I have to go potty and I can't go outside! I have to pee on a potty because I don't have a pee-pee!"
	We all giggle and walk Beth back home. When we get back to the playground we all recognize that the ice has been broken, and we all start talking about what we know about sex, and what is called what. The girls laugh when I tell them I call it a wiener, they call it a pee-pee. I am told it is a vagina, they also call it their "privates" and their "jay-jay". Then Ann turns to us and says in an excited not-so-whisper:
        "Once I even heard my mom call her's a PUSSY!"
	She was looking right at me when she said it. It sounded soooo dirty, and I recognized it instantly as a word that kids were never, EVER allowed to say. I immediately repeated it. I said it with an amazed tone of voice, as if it were a magic word, and everyone giggled. It wasn't long until we moved off the playground and back into the bushes, back into the thick woods that separated the playground from the highway and we all started showing each other. Everyone pants were down and we were all laughing and giggling as we poked and proded ourselves while staring at each other. I had that thought of confusion again. How did we all just KNOW we had to go into the woods to do this? That if we would be caught we would all be in trouble? It quickly went away as I stared openly at the two beautiful preteen pussies being shown to me. Beth was still only 6 and had some baby fat, so hers was a chubby little mound. Ann was taller than me and fairly skinny, so hers was almost flat. When she stood there with her feet together I could see a small gap between her thighs. Her smooth bald slit was a little lower than her sister's soft plump pussy. I got fairly light-headed. I blurted out about the book and how everyone's wieners and jay-jay's look different without even realizing that the girls didn't know what I was talking about. They want to see it. They reeeaaally want to see it. 
        I go back home, tuck the book under my shirt and run back to the trees. We spend the rest of the day looking through it with our pants down, giggling like you can imagine some preteens would as they look through an illustrated how-to guide for sex.
	This becomes a habit for us. We spend most of the day in the bushes looking through the book half-naked and openly fondling ourselves. The girls no longer even need us to escort them to and from the playground. Johnny on his way over to the park one day grabbed a few blankets left outside the goodwill store for us to sit on in the woods. Rocks and logs are used as chairs as we set up a small makeshift camp 20 yards away from a park where kids and adults play. Johnny continues to pilfer the donations outside the goodwill store and soon we have some patio furniture cushions. He manages to get a water proof bag of some sort to keep the blankets and things in at night. I don't even take the book home anymore; I leave it with our things "at camp". Two weeks prior I had been running around like a normal 7 year old. Now I have a daily habit of going to a secluded make-shift camp full of pilfered donations and have hours long mutual masturbation sessions with 2 girls I barely know. I don't even know what the word masturbation is or what it means, and I do it every day. It is almost July.
	The girls have a favorite section of the book, and we usually just go through that but one day we get father back into it and the pictures of oral sex appear. This fascinates the girls, and they have the same reaction I did when I first saw it. I suddenly realize that we have never told them about the man's house with the TV! It had pictures of what was going on in the book! How did we forget this? The more I talk about it, the more the girls want to see it, Ann especially. We talk about it and realize that there is no way to get the girls out of their house at night though. Their dad won't even let them sit on the porch after dinner. And there is no way to sneak out when they share a room with Stacy, and she definitely will not let them go out. 
        Then Ann gets up from her spot and knee walks over to me, her pants at her ankles, as are mine. Her beautiful pussy exposed for anyone to see. She comes over and grabs my hand and begs me to take her to see the movies trough the window:
        "Pleeeeasse? I want to see how they have seeeex!" she says. Then she reaches out and touches my cock. Her hand is big enough to grab the whole cock and my balls and gently massage the whole thing as she says this to me. I instantly become so light-headed I think I might actually fall over. I get an intense feeling of numbness all over, all I can feel is her soft hand on my prick. This is the first time any of us has touched each other, I am aware that Johnny and Beth are staring at us lewdly, but I can't acknowledge it. I agree to figure out a way to get her to the house to watch the TV. I would have agreed to murder her family if she asked me too. She is so close; I robotically reach out and place the palm of my hand on her flat bald cunt. She lets out a little yelp of surprise but doesn't pull away; she kind of giggles and smiles at me. We stare each other for a second, and then we look down at the hand of the person molesting us. Her pussy feels very warm, it feels unusually warm actually. Her hand, which felt cool at first, feels warm as well. It mixes with a small amount of perspiration to make her hand slip and slide around my cock and balls. It feels so amazing. I look up and notice that Ann's breathing has changed, which makes me notice mine has too. I use the palm of my hand to push a little harder and rub a little faster and she responds by giggling and cooing. 
          We hear the sounds of the school buses going by dropping kids off from AM kindergarten, that means it's time for the girls to go back home for lunch. We all reluctantly stop and pull our pants up. Before she leaves Ann leans over and kisses me, then proclaims that I am her boyfriend. I blush instantly and everyone laughs. Just minutes before I was molesting her cunt and she was giving me my first hand job, but only when she kisses me do I get embarrassed. Only children can be so naive. 
	After lunch the girls do not come back. We go to their house and find out from their older sister that their dad took them to get haircuts and buy some clothes. Its Fourth of July weekend coming up and they will be taking a vacation together. Johnny and I are unconsolably depressed. They are gone for a week, and Johnny and I don't hang out much during that time. We probably needed a break from each other anyways, and looking at the book isn't the same without Ann and Beth anymore. When the girls come back, they have great news.
	Apparently during their trip to the beach and a theme park Ann and Beth had been talking about what Ann and I had done right before they left. They figured they were being coy and that no one could figure it out, but Stacy heard their whispers and it didn't take her long to figure it out. So upon threats of having their dad find out, the girls told Stacy everything that had been going on. Apparently she seemed rather annoyed by it, until the girls told her about the house with the TV. Apparently Stacy was VEERRRY interested in that. Stacy had told the girls that if they did not want their father to know what had been going on then all 5 of us were going to the house with the TV as soon as they got back. Fine with me and Johnny, as long as Beth and Ann came along. 
        We met up in the park that night; I'm not sure how the girls got out without their dad knowing. I didn't really care. We crept through the streets like thieves in the night. Every person was someone to fear. Every headlight was a police car. We were sneaking 7 blocks over to watch porn through a window with 3 underage girls and I was scared shitless. I didn't know why it was wrong; I just knew that it was. I loved it.
	Like I said, the gap between the houses was small, and the lip to stand on was only a few inches wide. Johnny and I could easily stand on it and hold onto the window sill but the girls weren't as stable, and Beth almost wasn't tall enough. Stacy actually stood on the gas meter for the house on the other side of the gap and looked over the heads of Ann and Beth. There was no more room at the window, so Johnny and I just kind of...stood there...bored. We stayed there for an probably an hour and he shut the TV off and went to bed. Fuck.
        Stacy was PISSED. She stomped home, not even caring who saw us this time. She said if we go back tomorrow and there isn't porno on TV (the first time I had ever heard the word Porno) she would tell her dad AND our mom's. We all walk back in silence. My house is past the girl's house so I wind up walking all the way back with them, and before I go back to my house Ann grabs my hand and gives it a small squeeze and a sympathetic look. It was the first time I felt romantic feelings for another person. I think I fell a little bit in love with her right then. She cared about me and I knew it, and she wanted me to know it. It felt good.
	The next day at camp was kind of low key. The idea that it could be our last day playing in the woods made things rather ominous and foreboding. We reminisced about what had transpired so far as if it were years of memories instead of only a few weeks. We all had the feeling that it was inevitable we were going to be separated. That lasted until after lunch. By afternoon our pants were off and we were happily fondling each other again. Ann and I kissed a lot, the kind of tight lipped pecks kids give each other, but they had feeling behind them even if they lacked skill. That night between dinner and the street lights coming on I couldn't wait to see Ann again. I really missed her, porn or no porn. 
	We snuck out and met at the park again. This time Stacy knew where she was going and it was all we could do to keep up with her. We didn't hide like we had the night before, we just ran through the streets and alleys to get to the house with the TV. We didn't have to wait long this night. As before Johnny and I were the odd men out and forced to stay on the ground as the girls watched intently through the window. We weren't there 5 minutes before the two younger girls started whispering to each other, getting an admonishment from Stacy and told to shut up. I could hear the vague sounds from inside and knew that he had started to watch porn. It was bitch black in the alley and the glow from the TV lit up the 3 girls faces. They were all wide eyed and unblinking; staring intently with slightly open mouths at what I am sure was hardcore 70's porn. While the two younger girls stared in wonder it was obvious that Stacy was affected differently by this depraved scene. She fidgeted on the gas meter. She alternated between a wide open mouth and biting her lip. She licked her lips several times. Then...it happened.
	Beth lost her balance on the lip and fell awkwardly backwards, dislodging Stacy from the gas meter. She fell forward and landed with a loud `thump' against the house with the TV. There was NO WAY he could not have heard that. We all froze. We didn't move. We didn't breath. We didn't blink. The next few seconds felt like a few hours. The glow of the TV went out, and the sound stopped. 
        We just ran.
	We ran as fast as we could and I don't think we even bothered to check for cars as we crossed streets. Stacy was older and faster and soon she was so far ahead we couldn't see her. Beth was running as fast as she could but she couldn't keep up, she was crying loudly as we ran all the way home. Johnny peeled off to head to his house without even a word. My house was past the girl's house so I wound up running with them to their window. Stacy was inside and GLARING at Beth. The two girls crawled inside and Ann gave me a halfhearted wave goodbye. I was sure I would never see her again.
	I stood across the street from my house, hiding under my neighbor's makeshift shed for 15 minutes, waiting for the police to show up and arrest me. I thought for sure I was busted. I imagined that right now at Johnny and the girls house were police getting my name and address, and that they would be over soon to arrest me as well. I didn't even know what for, I just knew we were in deep shit. Of course they never did come and I went inside and went to sleep.
	The next day Johnny and I waited at the camp though neither one of us thought the girls would show up. When I saw Ann and Beth walking across the park through the trees I can honestly say that was the happiest and most relieved I had ever been up to that point in my life. Beth was quiet, and it was obvious Stacy had knocked her around some. Ann felt bad for her and so did I. Johnny got angry and even talked about going to kick Stacy's ass for her heavy-handed treatment of "his girlfriend" but that bravado was short lived. Pretty soon we were talking about what the girls has seen and that cheered them both up fairly quickly. The movie that they had seen was very different than the one Johnny and I had seen, so what they described was all new to us. The book came out and they used the illustrations to give us an idea what was going on, and what the people in the book were ACTUALLY doing. Apparently playing with girls "boobies" was quite popular, as was a man licking a woman's jay-jay. Seemed weird, but OK. And, well it wasn't long before we were pant less again, wantonly groping each other as we looked through the book with a much clearer idea of what was going on. 
        It was actually Beth who was the first to lean over and put Johnny's cock in her mouth, but it wasn't but a few seconds later that Ann, not to be outdone, had my cock in her mouth. It was electrifying! I actually trembled, shivered and got so light headed I needed to steady myself by leaning on a tree. I could feel my heart beating so hard I swear I could HEAR IT. And then, and I can see this as clear as if it happened yesterday, I looked down and saw Ann with my whole cock and balls in her mouth, gently and quickly massaging my whole package by rolling it around her mouth using her tongue. She was smiling from ear to ear. She was looking up at me and when our eyes met she giggled audibly. The vibrations made me shudder a little. She let go with her mouth, wiped the drool from her lips and chin and asked if I liked it. I gave some caveman like, monosyllabic grunt of approval and she laughed again. She turned around and laid down on one of the patio furniture cushions and finished pulling her pants all the way off. She parted her legs slightly and said:
        "OK. My turn! You lick me!"
	Well, OK I thought. I tried to think about how the girls told me it went from the movie, and then I tasted her. It was sweet and a little gooey. It was like grape juice with a little salt in it. It was and still is the most delicious thing I have ever tasted in my entire life. The taste was surprising and amazing. Her scent drove me crazy. I was so engrossed in her that I didn't notice how she was reacting. Was she...surprised? In pain? I stopped and looked at her. She seemed to wake up from her trance and eagerly told me to continue. I asked her if she liked and she nodded with an emphatic "UH-HUUUUUH!" I was glad to oblige. Johnny and I even switched to compare flavors. They both tasted so good it was almost narcotic.
	I don't remember how we decided to try fucking, even though we didn't call it that, but later that afternoon we were all stark naked except for socks and shoes rolling around the woods on some blankets. Ann laid flat on the ground, her legs straight out and only slightly open. I got into a pushup position and using only my knees and arms to support me, laid my 2.5" stiffy right onto her pussy, still glistening from my saliva. It felt so warm, it felt really good. Then Ann reached behind me and grabbed me by the lower back and said:
        "You have to move up and down; like this...."
	It was as amazing as you can imagine. I rubbed my cock into her as long as I could before my arms got tired. So I brought my feet under me and sat on my heels, each one of my knees was now on either side of Ann's hips. I lifted her legs up and draped them over the tops of my thighs, spreading her legs obscenely wide. I leaned in and put my cock onto her pussy again, but this time when I leaned over her the angle was just right and I actually entered her. It was hot, scorching hot. She gasped and looked at me shocked. Apparently this new angle had placed the right amount of pressure in just the right spot that made her feel "really tingly". I could feel my prick inside her and I could see the joy in her face, and I'm sure I was smiling too. I don't think I have ever been that happy, not before or since. 
        It was like the first time you are tall enough to ride the big kids rides at the amusement park. The first time you got to sit in the front seat of the car without one of those stupid booster seats. Remember how happy you were the first time you got to drive alone, or got your first paycheck? I remember feeling that this is where my penis belonged, like it was meant to go here. This is where it should have been the whole time. Our eyes met as I humped her preteen pussy, and I swear I have never loved anyone in my life as much as I loved her at that moment.
		And it went on from there. The pictures in the book suddenly made more sense, the captions made sense. Up till that point I had thought that the people in the pictures were missionaries, or cowgirls. We realized those weren't their jobs, it was the sexual position they were in. Doggy style wasn't a brand of clothing. All of those weird words from the Asian pictures weren't their names, that's the name of the position they were engaged in. Most positions we couldn't do because my dick wasn't long enough. We fucked every day we could for as long as we could. We tried every position in the book, we even tried to DP Ann, but Johnny's dick wasn't long enough and he just kind of wiggled it around between her cheeks. After everything we did Ann's favorite was still missionary with her legs spread wide. I still loved licking her and I usually did until my tongue got sore. For the next month we fucked and fucked and fucked. 
	One day in early August they said they had to go back to their mother's. The next day they were gone.
	Johnny and I didn't hang out much for the rest of the summer. I moped around a lot. I spent a lot of time at the camp looking at the book, but it wasn't the same. I couldn't get myself light-headed with the book anymore. I left all of the stuff in the woods one day and never went back. School started and Johnny and I were in separate classes. By Christmas his mother had moved to the other side of town to a new house and we didn't see each other much after that. The next fall they would restructure the school district and Johnny and I would go to separate schools altogether. 
        The next summer came and the first day of summer vacation I went over to the girl's house to see when they might be coming. Some old lady answered the door. Apparently the girls father had moved, and she had no idea where. I had never learned his name. The girl's last name was something very European with a lot of consonants and not enough vowels. I tried looking in the phone book, but I couldn't remember how to spell it. I may have only been 8 but even then I knew randomly calling men with long and complicated last names and asking "Excuse me sir, but do you have a 3 underage daughters?" probably would not go over well. I never saw Ann again.
	A few years later when I was around 13 I think I may have seen Beth sitting on the porch of a house way across town, but it was too hard to tell. My mother had remarried and we lived outside of town. I told myself that Ann was 14 and wouldn't want to talk to me now anyways. Pretty stupid in retrospect.
	Some years later, in 2001 I was 28 and doing what we all did then, download free music and porn from any number of p2p or file sharing services. I had a MASSIVE 40 gig hard-drive (remember when 40GB was a lot?) and probably half of it was music and porn. I was going through some others guys collection of porn with file names like: "JJamesonBJ.avi, BBC_anal.wmv, Squirt_patrol.mpg" and then I ran across one that I thought sounded cool "R@YGOLD_vICKY_BJ". So I downloaded it. 
(For those of you who don't know, the "Vicky series" is one of the more iconic PTHC sets ever made. It has at least a dozen movies all displaying the sexual exploits of a 9 year old girl with her father. She is adorable. She seems truly happy and legitimately enjoying the sex)
	It shows the face of a beautiful 9 year old girl gently sucking the cock of a much older, hairier man. I get instantly light-headed. My cock gets so hard, so fast, I almost faint. My mouth gets dry and I suddenly remember every detail of the summer I spent with Ann and her sisters. Not that I had forgotten, but it certainly had never been this real. I watched Vicky suck her father off, laughing and smiling as he shoots a wad of come in her mouth, I am remembereing not just of the acts but of the feelings, scents and smells of the camp. Of the joy on Ann's face. The taste of her. The feeling I had when I could hear my heart beating as she gave me my fist blowjob.
        I search every corner of every p2p and ever file sharing service for every r@ygold, Vicky, pthc video I can find. Soon I discover babyj, Donna and hussyfan. Within weeks I have stopped downloading music, movies and all porn that is not PTHC. I start deleting non-pthc porn to make room for more. One day I find a video of a little girl being roughly fucked, and unlike most this video has sound, and she is crying. Then the guilt.
	When I was 7 I knew it was wrong, but I didn't why. I didn't know it was THAT wrong. We knew it was something we had to hide in the woods to do, but we certainly didn't think it was illegal. I thought it was wrong in the same way it was wrong to say "shit" in church. Similar to how it was wrong to pick your nose. It was something we could have got yelled at for, maybe even grounded. I certainly never thought it was against the law. It felt too good to be something that bad. But I'm not 8 anymore, I'm 28 and I know Goddamn well you can't fuck kids. You can't even download pictures of other people doing it. Gary Glitter just got busted.... So did that guy from The Who. What am I, Michael Jackson? I feel like shit. I delete it all. I don't even get online for a week. I can barely look at myself in the mirror.
	That lasts about a year. Once again as I'm downloading porn I see some guy has some PTHC shit in his collection. I don't recognize the names... they're small. I'll just check them out quick....
	Two weeks later I purchase an entire new hard-drive just for all my porn. I've got close to 30 gigs of porn, most of which is movies or pictures of underage girls getting fucked. I find myself driving all the way home at lunch just to check out the status of my downloads and jerk off to a video of a 6yo getting railed before driving back to work 20 minutes late. I barely sleep. I stay up all hours of the night looking for people to trade hard-to-get files with. I spend waaaay too much money to get a T-1 line to my house just to increase download speed. I download a virus, it crushes my entire system. I lose everything. One hard drive is permanently damaged the other is salvageable only after a clean wipe. The CPU is 3 years old and I have long since lost the windows install disk. I have to go 4 months without a computer till I have enough to buy a new one for $700. I promise I will never download that shit again. That lasts about a year. 
           A year later I'm back up to 30GB on a secure drive, pass protected and sealed from the rest of the CPU. I stay up late looking for anything new, I sleep 3-4 hours a night, at best, during the week. On weekends sometimes I don't sleep at all. I get unsatisfactory ratings at work because of my shitty performance. I call off to frequently when my body simply shuts down from lack of sleep. I barely speak to friends or family anymore. At one point I take the mirror down out of my room because I don't like what I see. Every knock at my door is the police come to take me away to jail. I avoid going places where there might be small kids because I'm afraid their parents will catch me leering at them like the lecherous fuck I am. 
          A very attractive woman at work for some reason asks me out. I decline because I know she has a young daughter and I don't trust myself to be around her. I also realize that I am more attracted to her kid than I am to her. That same day I am put on a final notice at work for attendance. Any more call-offs or tardies and I will be fired. I go home and delete everything. Again. I manage to abstain for over a year.
	Two years later I have another impressive PTHC collection. I have leaned to manage my addiction so that it is not quite so all-consuming. An article online catches my eye: "R@ygold father captured in China". Apparently he was on the run and got caught. I find an interview with Vicky ( Real name is Kylie Freeman) in which she states she is glad he's caught. She doesn't even think of him as her father anymore. "He gave up the right to be my father years ago." she says. She hates him, and I am crushed. She was so happy in the videos; she laughed and smiled, just like Ann did. Now she hates him. Does Ann hate me? I am overwhelmed by guilt that Ann might have grown up to regret what I think of as some of the happiest times of my childhood, of my life really. I delete it all. That lasts a week.
	A year later the girl I am living with (who will become my wife) finds out I have been downloading porn to a password protected drive she didn't even know about it. She's furious and tells me if I don't stop we're done. I delete it all. That lasts a year. 
	Last couple weeks I have been sleeping 3-4 hours a night scouring the internet for every piece of nasty kiddy fucking porn I can find. As soon as my wife is asleep I jerk off 2-3 times a night. Every knock at the door is the FBI coming to arrest me. Last week a cop followed me for a few miles on the highway and I had a panic attack so bad I had to pull off into a shopping center to calm down. My wife thinks I hate her sister and her husband and don't want to hang out with them, but the truth is I simply cant help but leer at their 8 year old daughter. Its only a matter of time before someone notices. Every time my wife goes to the computer I get nervous. Every time her phone rings I am sure that someone is calling to tell her what I've been doing late at night. I'm online constantly, even at work trying to find out new people to trade with. I have four 16GB zip drives filled.
	Monday I woke up at 6 o'clock in the morning to the sound of my wife coming downstairs ready to go to work. I sit bolt upright at my desk chair, my pants still open and the remains of a load of semen on my shirt. On the screen is the same movie I was watching when I got off, a small 6 yo girl having her bald pussy violated by an obscenely large cock still playing in a loop. I quickly pull my sweats up and close the movie and open a browser page to MSNBC or something just in time for her to walk in. I make up some lame ass excuse of insomnia. She gives me an incredulous look, kisses my forehead and sarcastically wishes me good luck at work. She knows I don't have insomnia, she isn't stupid. She knows I have been looking at porn all-night, if she only knew what kind. I wander upstairs feeling like an idiot, a pedophile, a shitty husband and a miserable excuse for a human being. I take a shower and go to work on 2 hours sleep.
	When I got home, my wife is in front of the computer doing her school work. I almost drop dead when I look over and realize that MY ZIP DRIVE IS STILL IN THE COMPUTER. I NEVER TOOK IT OUT. The other 4 are sitting on the shelf, and while they are pass protected, the one in the computer is still open. All she has to do is click on the icon and she will see everything! Somehow I manage to get her to go to her car to find a CD; I rip out the zip drive and grab the other 4. In a very obviously upset manner I get in my car and tell her I don't feel like cooking and want some McDs. She gives me a weird look as I speed out of the driveway.
	On the way to the drive-thru I am almost in tears. I would lose my wife, my marriage, my house, my job, go to jail, be ostracized by my entire family... For what, Kiddy porn?!?! I grab the zip drives and hurl them out the window over the guard rail, down over the hill and into the woods. I feel the same temporary sense of relief I get every time I get rid of my stash. On the way home I wonder how long it will last this time. 
	Last night, on a rainy winter night, in the dark and rain, I fumbled through an embankment along the road trying to find some small zip drives loaded with porn. Its forty degrees and raining and I'm sifting through the woods, in the dark, trying to find porn! Like a fuckin crack head! Like a junkie sifting through garbage trying to find enough aluminum cans to recycle. I HAVE TO STOP!! WHY CAN'T I CAN'T STOP!?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!
 
	 
 

