## A Willing Sacrifice (M/m, m/mmmm, M/mm, M/m)

I saw my first advertisement for this years Royal Melbourne Show yesterday, and it sparked some memories. For many children growing up in Victoria, Australia, the Show is a major annual event. It began life in the nineteenth century as an agricultural show, but over time has evolved to be far more than that. It still serves that purpose, but it also provides rides, and other forms of entertainment, showbags full of cheap toys and lollies, and a lot of junk food. So children, many children tend to look forward to it. Nowadays, it actually takes place largely in the school holidays but until quite recently the show took place while children were still at school and this created conflicts. One day each year was designated as a public holiday, so many people went then. Others went on weekends. And sometimes, I'm sure, parents gave their children an impromptu holiday so they could go. And some schools came up with ways of dealing with it as well.

My school took a very tolerant approach to the show - the school didn't like boys missing school in general, but given that we were a boarding school, and a substantial proportion of our boys were the sons of wealthy graziers, the show was seen as a valid educational experience. And so arrangements were made for us to attend the show each year, and we looked forward to it immensely. A day off school - we didn't go on Show Day, for our purposes the holiday was moved, with a chance to eat unhealthy food and fizzy drinks and go on rides. We liked the idea.

But it wasn't a right - and this was always stressed to us. The show was a privilege and it was one we had to earn. If behaviour in a House wasn't up to the necessary standards, that House could lose the chance to go to the show.

This hadn't happened in my time at the school, and in my Sixth Form year, with the responsibilities of the House Captaincy resting on my shoulders, I certainly didn't expect there to be any significant problems.

About two weeks before the show, though, I found myself summoned to a meeting with my Housemaster, Mr Pinner and our House Matron, Sister Beeman. I went to the Housemaster's study with some trepidation - as a Prefect, I was immune from the normal corporal punishment of the school. Unless we consented to it - and occasionally we did, most notably in my case, I had agreed to allow my mathematics Master, Mr Morris to cane me in the course of his classes, as this was part of his normal very effective teaching practice which I valued, and it was also considered bad form not to consent to a whole class punishment - prefects could not be caned by anybody except the Headmaster, our Housemaster, or a House Matron. The Housemaster, though, could cane us, and being summoned to see him without warning, therefore aroused a little apprehension. Even though I couldn't think of any reason I might be in trouble.

And I wasn't. The problem was dirty pictures - pornography. Now, of course, in an environment with that many adolescent boys, this wasn't exactly an unusual problem - in those days, it was harder to get such images than it is today, but boys managed it reasonably often. And when they were caught, a caning was generally involved in the outcome, but it wasn't seen as all that serious.

Normally. This was a bit different.

"Look, the problem is with the senior boys." Mr Pinner had opened with a brief explanation, and was now getting down to the nitty gritty. "A few naked ladies - well, it's deplorable but it's somewhat understandable with boys your age. And you know how to handle that." I did. Generally speaking if I found a senior boy - a fifth or sixth form boy - with pictures he shouldn't have, I often simply made him dispose of them. So did my fellow prefects. A repeat offence, and I would certainly cane a boy. And if it was more than just basic nude photos, then I would almost certainly cane for the first offence. I gave some leeway, but not a huge amount.

"But these photos that have been turning up - they're not normal. And if you find these, I'll need you to send the boy responsible to me."

"No discretion, Sir?" I wanted to be clear on this. I was meant to have a fair amount of discretion within the House and to handle the day to day discipline of the House, so it was unusual for me not to have any discretionary powers. Not unheard of, but unusual. Now, if Mr Pinner wanted to make this one of these cases, I had no real objection, but I wanted to be clear. Especially as I'd had such discretion up until now, so this seemed a somewhat odd change.

"Mmmm... I don't want to say no discretion at all, Rysher... but I want you to be very, very careful in using it. These photos are particularly problematic... frankly I am worried about the boys who have them. They need to be punished, but they also need some serious help."

Matron spoke up at this point. "Perhaps not. It may just be that this is what these boys were able to get. We can't assume -"

"You're right, of course, Matron. It might be that. I hope it is."

I was getting a bit puzzled. "Sir, what are we talking about here? Sex pictures? People actually - well, doing it?" Such images were a lot rarer than mere nude photos, but even so, this seemed extreme.

"No - though if you find those, yes, I want to know about it. These are worse."

"Sodomy, Sir?"

"Worse than that."

"What is worse than that?" I asked - I should stress that I am in no way homophobic, but back then as a 15 year old, the idea of such things did disturb me.

Mr Pinner looked at the Matron, and she nodded. He went to his desk.

"I'm going to show you what I am talking about. But I want to make it very, very clear that you are not to spread this about the House."

He showed me one image. Just one. A woman 'engaged' with a dog. I don't remember it well. As soon as I realized what I was seeing, I stopped looking. I got the message. These were not normal images.

"We can't have this type of material in the House. So if you find it... look, it's simple really - only a little discretion. The smallest amount. If you think you can get rid of it, completely rid of it, without me needing to be involved, then all right. Otherwise, you must tell me. If you report any boys, I will make sure they know you didn't have a choice - that you had direct orders."

"Thank you, Sir... Sir, you didn't want it spread around the House. Can I tell Pointer and Philpot?" These two boys were the other two Prefects in the House.

"Yes, if you make it clear that they are not to talk about it - and they have no discretion. They have to report to me or to you. You can discuss matters with them, and get their views, but you have a small amount of discretion. They do not."

"Yes, Sir."

"You can go."

As soon as I left the Housemasters study, I went looking for my fellow Prefects and I found them quite quickly in the senior common room. I asked to come with me, and we went to my room.

"I've just had a meeting with Matron and Pinner and they want us to keep an eye out for... well, porn, basically."

Geoffrey Philpot answered. "I'm always happy to keep an eye out for porn!"

"Oh, shut up, Philpot. I'm serious. Look, we're not to be too worried about the normal stuff, like you keep under your mattress. This is deeper stuff. Not just doing it, either - seriously..." I couldn't think of a word that didn't make me sound like a six year old, unfortunately, "...yucky. If you find it, Pinner wants to know. Or me."

"No discretion?" Prefects had less discretion than myself, but not by much under normal circumstances. They had far less powers of punishment, but that was a separate issue, and so just like my own question to Pinner, Nigel Pointer wanted this made quite clear.

"No discretion," I said, shaking my head. "Mr Pinner's orders - and he'll make that clear. So if you find anything... unusual... that's the state of play. Normal stuff - handle it normally. Report them to the meeting, or send them to me or Pinner if they need a few. But unusual stuff - report it."

"All right. Understood, Nathan." Nigel and Geoff got up to leave. Geoff paused at the door. "Nathan - how do you know what I've got under my mattress?"

I stared at him. "For Christ's sake, Geoff - get rid of it! Now. Right now. Before I have to turn you in!"

Over the next two weeks, keeping an eye out, I encountered quite a bit of photographic material. Most of it went straight into the fire - a couple of times I gave boys the cane, but we found nothing that reached the standards I had seen in the Housemasters study. Mr Pinner asked me if I had found anything, and I had to report that I hadn't. He asked me if I thought I'd got everything and I had to admit I almost certainly hadn't. I couldn't really search boys rooms - if I knew something was in there, I could just about justify a search - but I had to be sure. Suspicion was not enough. Mr Pinner was not happy - apparently another couple of images had turned up, and not just in our House - but in others. And the School Council had found out. And wanted them found. Apparently the newspapers were getting wind of the story.

After dinner that evening - the evening before our planned trip to the Show that we were all looking forward to, while we were all at dinner, the entire school, the Headmaster stood up.

"Prep is cancelled for this evening."

There were some cheers, but he raised his hand.

"All junior boarders, all day boys and all girls are to report to the Hall, where a movie will be shown. All senior boys are to report to their House immediately after dinner." In this, my final year, the school was beginning to make tentative steps towards coeducation, much to the delight of some boys and the dismay of others. A number of senior girls from our sister school were attending our school during the long day (from breakfast till prep) to do high level science and mathematics classes that their school didn't yet offer. They returned to their own school to sleep. I think their presence - which had attracted some media attention - may have been partly responsible for the schools fear of any type of sexually related scandal reaching the papers. Especially as at least one senior media figure associated with the school, seemed to want to derail the process.

We all did as we were told. Junior boys and day students headed off to the Hall. Senior boys returned to their Houses. At the door, Mr Pinner ordered us to head to the Prep Room. When we got there, we found another master - Dr Maddison, our Matron, and three of the schools under-Matrons (other nurses who worked at the school) waiting within.

The Prep Room was a large classroom like hall, along one side of the House. Lined with desks - enough desks for every boy in the House up to Fifth Form - and because the Fourth Form was normally away from the school, it could normally accommodate the Sixth Form as well. This was where all boys up to the Fifth did their prep - their homework in modern parlance - every night. Sixth Form boys were able to work in their own room, most of the time. With only the Fifth and Sixth Form in the room, it was relatively empty.

Mr Pinner came in, and looked at me, and told me to take the roll for the senior forms. I did so - I knew the whole House roll from memory by this stage, and within a few minutes I was able to confirm we were all present. And at this point, we were ordered to strip and place our clothes on desks - Fifth Form boys on their own desks, Sixth Formers on the Fourth Form desks.

Being required to strip like this wasn't that unusual. We had at least one mass medical inspection each year and we normally had to strip and line up naked for that - occasionally, we had been allowed to keep our underpants, but not normally.

But we generally knew that this was coming in the senior school, and this was out of the blue. It also seemed odd for them to be an inspection quite late in the evening.

When we were stripped, all was revealed. Mr Pinner spoke.

"In a moment, you will be sent to your rooms. You will bring any and all pornographic materials in your room back here, where you will show it to myself or to Doctor Maddison. Any and all material. Even if you think it is borderline and we wouldn't care if you had it."

"If you hand in material now, we will be very lenient. I do not want to punish anyone if I can possibly avoid it, but I want this material out of the House tonight."

"Sir!" I raised my hand.

"Yes, Rysher?"

"May I possibly make a suggestion, Sir?"

"Yes, you may."

"Sir - if as you say you don't want to punish anyone, why can't people just throw things away? Do they have to show you? Can't we just put things in the bins?"

There were murmurs of agreement. Mr Pinner silenced them with a glance, and stood there considering.

"No, Rysher... you know the issues, even if the others don't. There's certain material... I must see if any boys have it... however, perhaps we can reach a compromise. Boys, you may show your material to Rysher, if you prefer that to showing it to myself or Doctor Maddison. Or you can show it to Matron, if you prefer, although I don't know why you would prefer that. If they agree to bin it, you can bin it. But Rysher, you know what I need to see?"

"Yes, Sir - so do Pointer and Philpot, so can they check too?"

"You've told them what we are looking for?"

"Yes, Sir - you said I could."

"Yes, I did - all right. In a moment, you three will go off first - and I will see any material you bring back. But then, you three can check what other boys bring. Now go."

We left the room. The under Matrons had arranged themselves along the corridors so we were at all times within sight of one of them on our route between the prep room and our rooms. There was no opportunity to hide material during our travels - it was quite well thought out. I was impressed.

We surrendered our material to Mr Pinner - none of the three of us had any outright banned material, but all three of us had some borderline material - bikini pictures, basically. I was rather embarrassed and terrified at the possibility my best friend William might find out that I had photos of his elder sister in a bikini - and his younger sister in a one piece costume - but that was all I really had to fear. Mr Pinner looked at my images, and said nothing. The other two prefects had similar encounters.

We then sat down at first form desks near the front of the room. While we had been gone, some bins had been brought into the room and placed near the front of the room. And then, one small group at a time, boys were sent to their rooms. The situation was clear.

"You will go to your rooms, you will bring back any material you know or think we might not want you to have, and you will show it to one of the people at the desks. They will either bin it, return it to you, or send you to me. If you cooperate and are honest, I will be very lenient even if you have material you really shouldn't. But after we've done this, we will be searching your rooms - and if anything is concealed from us, every boy in that room will be caned. Now - you two - go first."

It was an odd experience. Sitting at a desk stark naked, surrounded by dozens of naked boys, examining pornography. I was sitting next to Matron, and I was terrified that I was going to become obviously aroused - so terrified that, thankfully, it didn't happen. It did happen to a few boys in the lines, but I think we all just tried to ignore that.

Quite a lot of material was surrendered - we filled three large garbage bins. I was forced to refer one boy to Mr Pinner, who examined the pictures - of two very attractive blonde women having a very close relationship, and then threw them in the bin, telling the boy responsible that he was very lucky, he'd chosen to be honest. Geoffrey and Nigel both reported a couple of boys each. Three of those four escaped with warnings. The fourth, a fifth former named Clarence Bellows, was told by Mr Pinner, that he would have to report to his study after he was dressed. But he was the only boy who fell foul of this initial sweep.

We were then directed to dress again. And I was ordered, along with my fellow prefects, to make sure nobody left the room while Mr Pinner and Matron searched our rooms. People stood around nervously, and waited.

When Mr Pinner came back after about an hour - all up this process had taken two hours - he had a piece of paper in his hands.

"When we leave, the following will report to my study: Bellows, Huntley, Morris, Patterson, Rager, Tynes, Wren. As for the rest of you, thank you for your honesty. But I have to say I am most terribly disappointed at the amount of material I can see in those bins. I am glad you owned up - but, boys, that is truly unacceptable. And I must say that you are very lucky indeed that Rysher spoke up for you all, and persuaded me to take the approach we did. Having agreed to that approach, I will let it stand but I wish I had not agreed at this point. And if I find any material in the House from now on, I am not disposed to be lenient. Now - you can all go - except for those I want to see in my study. And, you, as well, Rysher, after them."

Wonderful. Just wonderful. All right I was glad that he had stressed for my fellows that I'd got them off quite lightly - it was important that they realized my position as House Captain was about just as much as standing up for them as caning them, and sometimes it was hard to get that across. But now it looked like I was in trouble, and again I had to go to the study of one of the few people with an untrammeled power to cane me. At least if he did, I could argue it was a group caning and so not face the humiliation of being the first prefect in decades to be caned in his own right.

When we arrived at Mr Pinner's study, he opened the door - and looked at the eight of us standing there and obviously decided it was a few too many to squeeze into his study. He pointed at Bellows.

"Get in."

And stepped into the room behind him. He didn't shut the door.

"Right, Bellows. You owned up, and I'm proud of that. But that photo was disgusting - absolutely disgusting."

"Yes, Sir." Bellows said quietly.

"Bend over the back of the armchair."

Four hard strokes, delivered at intervals of about ten seconds. At the third, Bellows cried out, but when he left the room, his face was still dry, if set with a very fixed expression.

Mr Pinner followed him out. "You can go, Bellows - you don't deserve the rest of this. Now," he turned his attention on the boys in the line. "Wren, Morris, Rager, Huntley - at least one of the four of you tried to keep something hidden in your room. Now, I said, everyone in the room would be caned if that happened, didn't I?"

"Yes, Sir." They mumbled.

"Would the boy who tried to hide that material come forward now?"

They looked at each other. We had codes that we observed, and these codes meant that under many circumstances boys would agree to accept group punishments rather than force a friend to own up. There was real self interest in it. Group punishments tended to be far less severe - and we felt that it was better to get five two stroke canings - even if you were only guilty once - that one proper six of the best. Six hurt a great deal more than two. But by Fifth Form, the codes changed a bit. At that point, you really only took this approach if everyone was happy with it. After a few seconds, Wren spoke.

"Me, Sir."

"Go to see the Headmaster - tell him I want you severely punished." That meant a flogging or a public beating before the school.

Instantly, the other three boys from his room, spoke at once.

"No, Sir, it was me, Sir."

"It's my picture, Sir."

"He's just trying to save me, Sir."

Mr Pinner just stared at them. And then looked at me.

"Rysher."

"Yes, Sir?"

"I don't want to deal with this - take them away, and you deal with them. Then come back here."

"Yes, Sir."

"And deal with them properly."

"Yes, Sir. Come on, you lot."

I took them to my room, and stepped into it. It had obviously been searched - quite thoroughly too - my books were all out of order, and both my canes - normally kept out of sight - were lying on my bed.

I picked them up and examined them closely, trying to work out which was my in use cane and which was my spare. The four boys crowded into my door looking at me examining them closely. Finally I decided which one I should use.

"OK - I've got to cane all of you, and I've got to give you six. But just for my own piece of mind - was it yours, Wren?"

"I'm not sure, Rysher."

"Heh?"

"We won't know who's he found until we go back to our room and see what's missing." They saw the look on my face. "We'll get rid of it all, Rysher."

"You'd bloody well better - all right - you first, Morris."

Oliver Morris stepped into the room as I pulled my desk chair out.

"Bend over and put your hands on the seat."

I took up position behind him, lined up my cane across the seat of his trousers, drew it back and slammed it down. And again. And again. He was crying now, but I had so many to get through that I just blocked that out. Again, and again, and again.

"Get up and go. Rager - you next."

He came forward and bent over and I let him have it. This boy took his caning without a sound, but he stood up only very slowly, and his face was bright red.

Huntley was next - Huntley was a quiet boy, who rarely caused any problems in the House - very well behaved, and I could see he was very close to tears even before he bent over. I was also aware - because he had come to me - that he had been one of the relatively few boys with nothing to surrender for inspection. But I honoured his choice to stand with his friends in the only way I could. By caning him six times with the same degree of force I had used for Morris and Rager.

And as Wren came forward, I could hear Morris and Rager in the corridor outside quietly talking to Huntley as he came out.

"Good chap, stout fellow."

"Good on you, Mate."

Wren bent over - and I took very careful aim. And I hit him with all the force I could muster. He yelped like a puppy. And I hit him again, again, with all the force I could put behind it, and he started sobbing. One more with force... and then three more orthodox strokes to finish him up.

And he left, and I put my canes away and I went to see Mr Pinner. As I walked to his office, a very chastened Patterson and Tynes walked passed me. His office door was still open and I knocked.

"Come in, Rysher. Close the door."

I did so - and he gestured to a seat.

"Did you give them six each, Nathan?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good. And well done."

"Sir?"

"You handled me very nicely in the prep room."

"You planned that, Sir?"

"Oh no. No, not at all, Nathan. I fully intended to do what I said I would do. And I am rather annoyed that I allowed you to persuade me to do otherwise. But I'm annoyed at myself for being persuaded - I'm not at all annoyed with you. I'm very pleased with you, actually, Nathan - it's your role to stand up to me if you think I'm being unreasonable. I don't believe I was being unreasonable - but what matters is that you felt that way and you took a stand. While standing there stark naked. That takes... courage, Nathan."

"Thank you, Sir."

He handed me the two pictures of my best friend's sisters in their swimming gear.

"Your girlfriends, Nathan?"

'No, Sir, they're like sisters to me."

He looked at me. "Maybe at the moment... anyway, off you go, Nathan. And you've done well today."

"Thank you, Sir."

As I came out, I found that Matron had rostered the fifth and sixth form to shower, having decided that it would be too late for the juniors to shower when they got back from their movie, and so she wanted them to have the showers in the morning. So once again, I stripped off in the presence of the senior boys, and, perhaps surprisingly, we were all in rather good spirits, as we crowded into the shower room. I took up the position closest to the door, with control of the water taps and took great delight in alternatively freezing and scalding everybody else, until the Matron looked in and told me to stop it unless I wanted my bare bottom spanked in front of the entire senior House. Those boys who'd been recently caned, showed off their marks in a way we didn't generally do in the senior school - not that often, anyway.

But we went off to our rooms and to bed, we were happy and excited, about the following day - our trip to the Royal Melbourne Show.

Most of us went to bed fairly early - not really intentionally, but people were being so noisy that the Matron eventually started ordering senior boys to bed, something she had full power to do but didn't do that often. And because he'd been sent to bed, Nigel Pointer, my fellow prefect woke up early, dressed and went to the senior common room. It was a bit of a mess and he decided to do some tidying up. And hidden somewhere in the room - I'm not sure exactly where - he found a bundle of pictures.

Pornography. And not mild pornography.

Nowhere near as bad as the image Mr Pinner had originally showed me - but certainly out of the ordinary. They were more or less bondage images and this was something Nigel had never seen before.

And he had his instructions - from Mr Pinner via me.

"No discretion. Mr Pinner's orders - and he'll make that clear. So if you find anything... unusual... that's the state of play. Normal stuff - handle it normally. Report them to the meeting, or send them to me or Pinner if they need a few. But unusual stuff - report it."

And this was unusual. And so he went to Mr Pinner - and he reported it.

And a shout rang out through the House.

"Fifth and Sixth Formers - dress and get to your Common Room, immediately."

I was already awake and almost dressed when the shout came so I was one of the first at the common room. I saw Nigel and I went over to him.

"What's going on? Do you know?"

"I found some photos hidden in here. Strong stuff, so I gave it to Mr Pinner."

Geoffrey Philpot joined us and Nigel filled him in. Other boys all filed into the room, and when it looked like everyone was there, Mr Pinner came in.

"Right, all of you, listen to me. I am sick of this. Last night, just last night, we went to great lengths to clear all pornography out of this House. And I was very lenient and gave you all a great deal of consideration. And then this morning, I am suddenly presented with more photos that have been hidden in this House. They were hidden in here. Who do they belong to?"

Dead silence. We'd rarely seen Mr Pinner this angry.

He looked around the room.

"Unless the owner owns up in the next fifteen minutes, the excursion to the Royal Show is cancelled." He turned and strode out of the room. And suddenly every boy in the room was staring at me.

This was a very serious situation. We'd been looking forward to this excursion for weeks - months. We'd saved up our pocket money for it. And now we were going to lose the excursion? That couldn't be allowed to happen.

But with Pinner in the mood he was in, any boy who owned up could be facing very serious punishment.

I moved around to the focal point of the room. Pointer and Philpot walked a step behind me, and I was glad of their support.

When I was sure everybody could see me, I spoke.

"Whoever those photos belonged to had better just go and BLOODY well own up! If you don't own up, none of us will get to go on the excursion. Fair go, boys, fair go."

Silence.

Everybody looking at me, wanting a solution. I had to deliver one. It was what I was there for.

And so I took the desperate approach. I decided to try the biggest bluff I'd ever tried.

"If nobody owns up, I will give everybody in the fifth and sixth form, six of the best." I had to raise my voice over the protests. "So you're going to get the cane and lose the excursion whether you own up or not. Why not do the right thing?"

The protests were loud - and honestly, probably quite reasonable. But I was beyond being reasonable.

"You can't do that, Rysher!"

"Just try me, Pike - I'm not missing this excursion."

"What about Pointer and Philpot - you're not allowed to cane them?"

Pointer spoke from my right shoulder.

"We'll consent."

And Philpot from my left.

"We'll agree, if that what it takes."

I felt blessed to have them behind me - though with the look on some boys faces, in front of me might have been far more comforting.

And then, there was a quiet voice from the door.

"I'll own up."

And everybody turned to see who had spoken.

Jonathan Rosemond. Rosemond was the biggest teachers pet in our House. The Masters loved him because he was always well behaved and polite. He worked hard, never got in any trouble - at least not with the staff. Other boys sometimes gave him a hard time. In nearly six years at the school, he had never once been caned for something he personally had done. He'd taken group punishments, of course - and he'd stood by the codes and taken punishments with other boys even when he could have escaped them. But he'd never been punished himself in his own right. Alone.

People looked at him.

"Pinner wouldn't believe it."

Rosemond spoke, "I can convince him."

"Why are you going to own up, Rosemond?" I was staring at him.

"There's three reasons. First - my parents are picking me up this morning, so I can go and visit my sister. So I don't get to go to the show anyway - nothing to miss out on there. Second - I'll probably get off lighter than anyone else, and if someone has to be sacrificed, then a person who'll get off easier is the best choice. Third..." and a grin crept across his face. "Every one of you is going to give me twenty cents to do it."

People started reaching for their wallets and I looked at Rosemond. I couldn't really see why he was doing this - and I knew it was dishonest of me to be contemplating it. But it was a solution, and... well, I looked at him standing there all serene, and listened to the people gathering money behind me - and I just decided to go with it. I didn't have a solution, another solution, and people were expecting me to.

So I took out twenty cents and added it to the kitty.

And then I escorted Rosemond down the corridor.

"You sure you want to do this, Jonathan?"

"Yes, Nathan, I am."

"Well... you're making yourself pretty popular."

"Yes. Unusual feeling. I think I like it."

As we went past his room, he ducked in and put his money on his bed, and then we walked on, and I tried to fathom why he was doing this? Being good all the time had caused him problems. Was he being bullied now? Was this just about popularity or something like that?

We got to the Housemaster's door. I stopped and shook his hand suddenly.

"Good luck, Jonathan. I just wish I knew who those photos belonged to."

He smiled at me, and just before he turned to knock on the door, he said in a tone of wry amusement.

"Oh, Nathan - they were mine."

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