## One Week's Wait (M/m, M/m)

The following took place early in my Fifth Form year at school when I was still only 13 years old. I was almost 14 still very young but having to give considerable thought to my future.

We spent our Fourth Form year away from the main school up in the mountains. Schoolwork was not neglected during our time there, but it was given less importance than in other years. We were expected to do well and maintain academic standards but in a departure from normal practice at the main school, we were not ranked during that year.

At the main school, at the end of almost every week, ranking lists were published that gave your position in each subject you studied and also your overall position in the entire Form. There was no concern about self esteem operating back then, I suppose. The lists were pretty brutal for the less academic boys. For myself, they held few terrors. I was rarely out of the top 10 in my entire time at the school - generally in the top 5.

At the end of our Form IV year we returned to the main school for about a week in order to sort out certain logistical arrangements for Form V. I was asking to an unusual number of classes at Form V level - nine as opposed to the normal seven. This wasn't incredibly unusual - perhaps a third of boys did one extra subject and there were another ten or so asking to do extras. But it meant that I had to see my House Master, Mr Pinner, to discuss whether or not my request was reasonable.

Mr Pinner was a very stern, very severe gentleman. He was capable of being very kind as well, where necessary, but you generally only got to see that side of him if something was quite seriously wrong. As my House Master, he had primary responsibility for me within the school. He was the person I was supposed to go to if I needed help, or if I had problems. He wasn't incredibly approachable but on the few occasions I found I needed his help, he was extremely helpful. I think he took his position very seriously - and in my case, because I didn't have any family I think he took it even more seriously than he did with other boys.

He summoned me into his study in that last week of Fourth Form, invited me to sit down and offered me a cup of tea. I accepted - I didn't really like tea much but I did appreciate the fact that he was endeavouring to treat me kindly and I thought that deserved encouragement.

"All right, Nathan. Can you tell me what your plans are for Fifth Form?"

"Well, Sir, you've seen my subject choices."

"Yes, why so many?"

"I want to do well, Sir."

"How well. I mean, what Form position would you like to be in at the end of your Fifth Form year. Approximately?"

I knew the way things worked. You were expected to give a range - there were typically 200 boys in a Fifth Form class (our forms at school weren't all of the same size for various reasons and Fifth Form was very large). People were supposed to say "Top half" or perhaps "Somewhere around 30." If you were very confident, you'd say "Top Ten". Perhaps "Top Five." I gave him my answer.

"First, Sir."

"First?"

"Yes, Sir. I want to be Dux of the Fifth Form."

He shook his head. "Ambitious. Do you really think that's a realistic goal?"

"Yes, Sir."

"All right... but is it a necessary goal. I mean, certainly, I understand wanting to do well - but to aim at the top ten is surely enough. Perhaps you will be Dux - but aiming for that is rather... unusual."

"I know, Sir. But it's what I need to do."

"Why?"

I took a deep breath. I was about to reveal my main desire in life at this stage. Something I'd never told anyone. But Mr Pinner was in a position to be uniquely helpful to me, and I had to tell someone at some stage.

"I want to be a Prefect, Sir."

About midway through the previous year, I had started to dream of being a Prefect. The thing is, I was two years younger than most of my classmates and that made things rather difficult. Prefects were expected to be leaders in the school - the clearest and simplest way to be a leader was to be a sporting hero - while I wasn't bad at sport, my size counted against me - I wasn't good enough to lead in that area. Achievements in other areas were important as well - and I had a bit going for me there. I was Deputy Editor of the school magazine, I was President of the Science Club, I was Vice Captain of Debating (and had just been told I would be Captain of Debating next year - which was very important because it meant I would have braid for my blazer pocket). But while those things were useful and might have been enough to give me a chance at being a Prefect, there was nowhere near certainty. But everybody knew that the Dux of Fifth Form was virtually certain to be given a Prefecture - unless he was totally unsuitable for some other reason. I knew I was suitable, if barely - if I could get Dux, my chances were very good.

"I see." Mr Pinner leaned back. "That's a worthwhile goal - but the odds are against you. I have to be honest with you about that."

"Yes, Sir, I do know."

"But if it's what you truly want... well, I suppose you deserve every chance to at least try. Very well, Rysher - you can do nine subjects. And I'll do my best in every way I can to help you get closer to your goal."

"Thank you, Sir." That meant a lot - Mr Pinner, as a House Master, would serve on the Committee that selected the Prefects - and while I knew he would only vote for me if I deserved it, at least I was now on his radar.

I went away for the holidays - stayed with a friend's family as was normal, and for the first time I didn't spend much time studying. Normally my Christmas holidays were spent doing a fair amount of schoolwork. We were all expected to do a certain amount of work over the summer - we were issued with something called a 'daybook' at the start of each Christmas holidays which was designed to keep our minds active. The daybook took perhaps half an hour a day to keep up to date for most boys. It was quite simple tasks - things like "December 13th - Read the Editorial in today's Age (or a similar newspaper) and rewrite your own editorial of identical length taking the exact opposite position" or "January 6th - Write a eulogy for a prominent Australian who died in the past year." Nothing major - just something to keep us thinking. Over previous Christmas Holidays, I done my daybook almost every day, and at least two hours of other study most days.

The reason I didn't study hard over that Christmas break was fairly simple. I mentioned earlier that while at the main school, we received our rankings most weeks. It wasn't quite every week.

In Form I, no class rankings were given for the first eight weeks - they considered that we needed time to get into the way the school worked. In Form II and III ranking started in the second week. We didn't have it in Form IV.

In Form V, ranking didn't start for the first four weeks. This was mostly because we'd spent the previous year in the mountains under quite a different disciplinary and academic regime. It was considered unfair to immediately expect us to readapt to the way the main school worked - so they gave us a little bit of time. For this reason, I didn't really see a need to spend so much of that summer studying. Really, I spent the summer having fun. I didn't do any extra work. I didn't even do my daybook most days - after my three previous summer holidays they didn't even check my daybook.

I returned to school at the start of the next year, relaxed and refreshed. I slipped into my classes and began working knowing that I had a few weeks before I really needed to knuckle down.

On Monday of the second week of first term, it was hot and I decided I was going to have a swim after school. I went into the House and shot up to my room - in Fifth Form, we were still in dormitories but with only a few other people as opposed to earlier years where we shared with over twenty others. Pinned to my dormitory door was a note from Mr Pinner. "Rysher - SEE ME."

I headed to his study and knocked on the door.

"Enter."

I went inside and realised immediately that a cane was visible on his desk. This didn't necessarily mean anything but it still sent a shiver down my spine.

"Sit please, Rysher."

I sat down wracking my brain for anything I might have done wrong. I couldn't think of anything specific. When I had sat down, he pushed a manilla folder across the table to me. I opened it and found a Form Ranking list - a current one.

I was used to seeing my name right near the top of the list. On this occasion, I had to read down quite a way - to 37 - before I finally found myself listed.

"Please explain this Rysher - you haven't been lower than 8th since you were in the second form."

"Sir, rankings don't count..."

He raised a finger. "I said explain. I am aware rankings don't count yet in terms of your final results. This is fortunate for you as you told me you want to be Dux and this would not be a good start. But if there's a problem, we need to work it out now before the rankings do count. I've asked you here so I can help you."

"I can't really explain it, Sir..."

"Did you work over the hols?"

"A bit."

"Really. Go fetch your daybook."

Oh great. This was not going to be incredibly pleasant, I could tell.

"Yes, Sir."

I got up and went back to my room and took my trunk out from under the bed. I couldn't find my daybook. It wasn't there. I tried to think - I couldn't remember if I'd packed it or not, with certainty. I thought I had - but perhaps it was still back where I'd been staying. I searched my trunk, and my locker and my cupboard and my desk in the prep room - nothing. After about twenty minutes I slowly trudged back to see Mr Pinner.

"I can't find it, Sir."

"I see. Well Rysher, I suppose we'll have to handle this differently then. On your word of honour - if you did find your daybook, what percentage of days would be correctly filled in?"

I sat there trying to think. I could say 100%, but he wouldn't believe that. 80% - maybe. It'd be enough to keep me out of trouble and still be believeable. I saw he was waiting for an answer.

"Sir... about... ten percent, Sir."

He smiled. "Actually, Nathan - it's closer to fifteen." He placed my daybook on the desk. "I am extremely pleased with you, Nathan."

"Thank you, Sir."

"But at the same time, you know that this isn't acceptable - don't you?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Now I could cane you right now. But I won't. Instead, Nathan - this is what will happen. You will leave this room now and you will go to the prep room and you will begin studying. Tomorrow, in class, you will begin to work extremely hard. You will work hard all this week. Next Monday, after class, you will report here - and your position in the Form will determine the punishment you receive."

"So, if I come in the top five, I won't get caned? Or if I come first?"

"Oh no - you'd better resign yourself to the fact you're going to get the cane. I'm not letting you off scot free. But your rank in the form will determine what punishment you receive."

"Yes, Sir."

"You may go."

I stood and went to his door.

"Nathan... I really didn't expect to see you until after tea. I would have expected you to be out playing on a day like this - you must have gone straight to your dorm after the end of day bell?"

"I was going to go swimming, Sir."

"I see... Go swimming, Nathan. You can start your prep after tea."

"Thank you, Sir."

I went swimming, and after tea, I put my nose to the grindstone. It wasn't easy to start with - it was Thursday before I was back in the swing of study. But by Friday, it was easy again, and I was feeling pretty good about myself. The fact I was going to be caned on the Monday was constantly in my mind, I can't deny that - it did prey on me a bit. But not incredibly. Besides I thought perhaps, he might let me off, despite what he'd said.

On Monday, after school, I headed up to my dorm. Once again there was a note on the door. I headed into the dorm - and I'm afraid to say I decided to do what I could to protect myself. I stripped off my trousers and put on a second pair of underpants before redressing. Padding was rather frowned on and if it was detected, there was hell to pay. And I rarely did it - I don't know why I did that day. But I did.

When I was ready, I headed to Mr Pinner's study and knocked on the door.

"Enter."

"Sir." There was no cane visible on this occasion.

"Sit down, Rysher."

I did so and he slid the folder across. First. First in seven of my nine subjects (third in one, sixth in one), and first in the Form.

"Well done, Nathan. I am most pleased."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Now stand up, and move to the armchair."

As I did so, he stood and opened a cupboard and took out the cane.

"Bend over the back of the chair."

I dared to ask the question. "How many am I getting, Sir?"

"Six."

"What? But I came first!"

"Yes, you did - which means there's no excuse whatsoever for your performance last week."

"Please, Sir..."

"Bend over."

"But, Sir..."

"Are you refusing a caning?"

I froze. Refusing to take a caning meant being sent to the Head. It meant a certain flogging. The Headmaster would have a boy forced down and held down if needed so he could be flogged. That wouldn't have been needed with me - but my trousers and underpants would have been taken down - my padding efforts discovered. Humiliation, and extreme pain would have resulted.

"Sir... I'm not refusing. But please, Sir, I ask you to hear me out."

"Very well. Say what you want to say."

"Sir. I worked really hard this week. I don't think I deserve six. I really don't. Now, Sir, if you decide to give me six, I will, of course, obey. I know this is your decision, not mine, Sir. But I think it is very unfair."

"Nathan - you say you worked hard. I'm glad. I agree you did. But this is something you are supposed to do - and something you need to do if you are going to accomplish your goal."

"Yes, Sir, but - you lead me to believe that if I worked hard, I'd get an easier punishment."

"Did I say that?"

"No, Sir."

"Nathan... if I had decided to give you six last week would that have been unfair?"

"No, Sir. It would have been severe, Sir, But not unfair."

"So why is it unfair now?"

"Because... I don't know, Sir. But it is."

"Four strokes then. Is that fair, in your view?"

"Yes, Sir. I suppose, Sir."

"Then bend over."

I did as I was told. The cane hit hard, but the padding must have reduced the effect at least somewhat. I took all four strokes without crying out. And I only teared up a little.

"Right Rysher, you can go - but I'm going to give you fair warning" He emphasized the word fair. "If you drop out of the top... twenty... in any week I will give you six. Now go."

I walked out the door and halfway to my dorm. Then I stopped and walked back.

"Sir."

"Yes, Rysher."

"Sir. I'm padded."

"What?"

"I'm wearing two pairs of underwear, Sir."

"Go and see the Headmaster and tell him what you have done." He spoke through gritted teeth.

I was going to be flogged - that was the only punishment I could possibly receive for this. As I turned, he said "No, stop."

I stopped.

"You stupid little boy. You monumentally moronic child. I don't know what to do with you, Nathan, I really don't know. Do you have any idea what I should do with you? Can you give me some insight into how that brain of yours works?

"I'm sorry, Sir..."

"Dash it, boy. I don't care if you're sorry - you're not hurting me, Nathan - you're just hurting yourself. I don't want to send you to the Headmaser - and I know very well that you don't want to go there - so why, if neither of us want this, have you put us in this predicament?"

"I don't know, Sir."

"So you don't know - and I don't know. I really don't know. Just - get out of my sight, will you."

I left.

I went to my dorm and redressed properly. I went to tea, feeling rather awful and afterwards I went to prep.

Prep - this would be called 'homework' in most modern schools, but as boarders we didn't often use that term - took place in the prep room of each of the boarding houses. It was a large room filled with old desks, one for each boy from Form I to V. Form VI boys were able to do Prep in their own rooms. Because there were desks for the Form IV boys as well, the room wasn't entirely full.

Halfway through prep, Mr Pinner appeared at the front of the room carrying a cane.

"Master Rysher - come up here."

I stood - the more senior you were, the closer you were to the back of the prep room, so I had to walk past the form III, form II and form I boys to the front of the room.

"Gentleman. Earlier today, I had occasion to have words with Master Rysher about his behaviour. I will not say exactly what happened - Rysher may choose to do so if he wishes, but nobody is to press him. All you have to know is that Rysher has earned what I am about to do to him - and this will completely close the matter as far as I am concerned. Bend over and touch your toes, Master Rysher."

I slowly did so.

"Actually, gentlemen - no, I need to say a little more. Nathan is in the position he is in now because he showed considerable honesty and courage today. I am going to beat him because he has earned it - but I also commend him in front of all of you. I want you all to consider the courage it takes for a boy to put himself in this position."

He lashed down. It hurt - but it was just one.

"Back to your seat, Mister Rysher."

I walked back, my cheeks crimson as I passed all the other boys. I sat down and started working. And I worked hard.

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