You want a story? 11-May-98 18:50:33

I saw a post down below about mother-in-laws, so I thought I'd explain a bit about mine. She looks just like my wife, resembling Sandra Bullock quite a bit. (At least that's what people say.)

Anyway, my mother in law loves killing bugs. Not for any power reasons but just because they are annoying and not good for anything. I was sitting on her back porch with my wife one day when she came outside wearing shorts and wooden clogs. She does a lot of outdoor work and these brown wooden shoes had become her outdoor footwear. They were caked with mud and were scuffed badly. Anyway, she stood on the stone patio clicking her heel as she talked to us. Noticing a lot of ants clustering around a piece of fallen food, she picked up the garden hose and started spraying them. Most of them scattered as some of their friends were washed away. Then, to my surprise, she dropped the hose, walked over and started smashing them under her wooden soles. The sound of their crunching was lost under the heavy clunk of her shoe on the concrete. She didn't let a single one go, tapping every last one she could see under her shoe. As she finished I got up and moved to the picnic table. (Wearing those summer shorts reveals a lot you know?) My wife followed me and sat across from me at the table. Her mother wandered over, and then to my second surprise, leaned down and took off her clogs, setting them on the table just inches from me. "Look at these old things," she said, turning them over. I got close-up views of the soles, where only tiny black smears dotted the dirty wood. She proceeded to look at them and talk about getting new ones, as I just about exploded. Then I felt something touch me you know where. I looked over at my wife, who had a huge smile on her face. Using the toe of the dirty sneakers she was wearing, she pushed and rubbed me until I almost screamed. And all the while her mother in law is standing there almost shoving her dirty brown clogs in my face. It was a great moment to be sure.

J.P.