Title: Cierra's Diary: Confessions - Chapter One

Author: Neko Niece

Keywords: f(16) {Flashback M b(10) g(7)} Legal, Slow-Build, Implied Incest

Summary: 16yo Cierra is confronted by the ramifications of her past.



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A Tale from Cierra's Diary

Confessions 
Chapter One


   "Cierra."

   I was barely aware of his voice, I was lost in another time.  Another
place.  Picking idly at a small tear in arm of the faux leather office
chair I was seated on.  I gently pulled at the white cotton stuffing, so
pale against the worn black fake leather.

   It stunk in the office.  Like ink and books.  Not the pleasant smell of
a library mind you.  This was different.  It had a sick feeling to it.  I
hated it.

   Looking up at the man sitting across the highly polished table, I just
stared blankly at him.  He was older.  Balding.  The dark suit he wore was
pressed and showed not even a touch of lint.  His shirt was an off white
with a dark grey and red striped tie.  If he hadn't had that stern look, I
think I would have found him slightly attractive.

   The woman sitting next to him, looking so prim and proper, held her nose
up as if she was a bitch in heat.  She could smell the kill and I think it
excited her.  If she COULD get excited anymore.  It wasn't as if she
weren't pretty.  She could be, if it weren't for her predatory eyes that
flashed her warning to all that knew what to look for.

   I hated her.

   I hated her, the lawyer and the entire world.  Hell I even hated my
mother at that moment.

   She was sitting next to me, wearing that stupid worry face.  Anytime I
disappointed her, she would get that look.  I could handle her anger. 
Scream!  Shout!  Just don't look at me like that!

   I looked away.  Anywhere but at her.  The office was of course
immaculately clean.  From the burgundy plush carpet to the oak bookcases
filled with volumes of black and red books.  Like dominoes all in a row and
exactly the same.  Had they ever even been opened?  Or were they as fake as
the plastic leather that stuck to my skin?

   "Cierra," my mother intoned in that voice... You know the one.  The one
that went with the face.  "Are you going to answer?"

   I put my head back and closed my eyes.  My hands I'd tucked defiantly
into the pockets of my hoodie.  I could feel the slight stir of the air
from the ceiling fan circling overhead, whirring away the time.

   I wished I could disappear.  Right off the face of the planet.  I wanted
things to go back to the way they were.  I wanted it so badly.  But I knew
it would never be the same again.

   Everything started for me when I was 7.  My cousin Todd had decided he
wanted a close up of the differences between boys and girls.  He was 10 at
the time.

   It didn't take much convincing for me to show him as I was hella curious
too and he'd promised me a nice long look at what boys had hidden away
between their legs.  I knew it was wrong yet it had sent shivers of
excitement through me.  Even back then I had a streak for wanting to do
things I knew I shouldn't.

   Anyway.  There was Todd getting quite an eyeful.  We were in his
parents' garage.  The smell of old oil and dust strong in the air.  Light
filtered in through dirty cracked windows past a multitude of cardboard and
plastic boxes that had always piqued my curiosity.

   My pants were around my ankles and I was holding the bottom of my shirt
above my belly so he could see everything quite clearly.  I didn't really
know what all the fuss was about, but Todd really seemed interested and I
was enjoying showing off for him.  I'm sure my grin matched his own as his
eyes roamed my every curve-few as they were at that age.

   With a bang, the door to the garage slammed against the back wall. 
Todd's father, my Uncle Marty stood outlined by the bright sunlight outside
and a whirlstorm of dust particles.

   Frantically, I pulled up on my pants, my underwear wedging themselves
around my thighs.  Todd's high pitched voice was just as frantically trying
to convince his father that nothing untoward was going on.

   Uncle Marty looked mad.  Really mad.  I'd never seen him like this
before.  In my whole life, then and now I'd never seen him without a smile.
This wasn't my uncle.  This was some alien being that only bore some sort
of resemblance to the uncle I had love.  I couldn't move as I watched the
scene unfold before me.  I felt and hoped I was invisible, terrified that
it would soon be my turn under those alien eyes.

   Mom would soon know everything and my short life was going to be over.

   SMACK!  Uncle Marty had one hand on Todd's shoulder and with the other
he'd cracked my cousin a solid smack across the butt.  I winced as Todd
howled.  I stood there, still too afraid to move as Todd was ordered to his
room to wait for him there.

   After Tommy had fled, leaving me alone with this alien monster that my
uncle had become I knew for sure I was going to die.  I felt deserted and
utterly alone in the world.

   When Uncle Marty knelt in front of me, I took an involuntary step
backward.  My hands were up by my face.  I was so cold there under his
gaze.

   His expression softened and he seemed to smile the smile that I always
remembered.  "Shhh Cierra, it's ok.  Stop crying, ok?"

   I hadn't even realized I'd been crying until then.  Except all that
knowledge did was to throw me even further into my tears.  I was still very
afraid of him and I winced as his hands came up.

   Instead of hitting me, he enveloped me into a hug.  My face
automatically dug into his old spice scented shoulder as my arms clung
around his neck.  Petting my back, he just let me cry until the tears came
to a pause.  I could still feel them in my throat.  That's where I figured
all my tears came from because it always felt so tight when I cried.

   Uncle Marty pried me away from him enough to look at me.  "Hey, you done
now?"

   I sniffed and wiped at my nose.  I nodded and looked at him with burning
eyes.

   "How come you were crying?"

   I tried to say that I didn't want mommy to know I'd been bad, but when I
opened my mouth, my throat constricted and I could feel the tears jumping
to my eyes again.

   Uncle Marty must have noticed it too because he hushed me softly and
wiped my cheek.  "Are you afraid I'm going to get you in trouble?"

   I just nodded, sniffing again.

   "Oh babygirl," he said as he gave me another warm hug.  "I'm not going
to tell on you, ok?"

   This news stunned me.  "You're not?" I managed to squeak out between my
overworked tear muscles in my throat.

   "This will be our secret, ok?  No one will ever know."

   I pulled back and looked him in the eyes.  "You promise?" I asked
holding on to that tentative thread of hope that perhaps I wouldn't die...
or worse, spanked.

   "I promise," he said quietly.  "When I say I'll keep a secret, I always
keep my word.  Secrets are important.  Especially ones between you and me.
Right?" He smiled at me and I felt so light.

   I didn't answer right away and his hand found my belly and tickled. 
"Right?" he asked again after my sudden fit of giggles.

   "Yeah," I agreed.  My hand was holding two of his fingers while the rest
of his hand still rested on my bare belly under my shirt.

   "Cierra," came that man's voice again.

   I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling fan before seeking him out.

   "This is important.  We need to know what happened between you and your
Uncle," intoned the witch in her all too superior attitude.

   "Nothing," I told them flatly.

   "But the police found pictures..."

   "They're not me." I stated again.

   "Cierra," my mother touched my arm.  I withered her with a look and she
drew back.

   "Maybe you don't know the importance," the bald lawyer said trying to
sound sympathetic.

   "Don't tell me I don't know the importance of anything," I shot back. 
"I told you, nothing happened.  The girl in the pictures wasn't me.  I
don't know anything about it."

   I knew the importance all right.  I knew the importance of keeping a
secret.  They weren't getting anything from me.

   "This isn't getting us anywhere," the witch said.  "Even without your
testimony, we've got enough to put him away for a long time.  Don't think
you're doing him any favors by trying to protect him, because you're not."

   My stomach lurched.  Yeah I figured that already, but still there was no
way in hell I was making things worse for him.  "I don't know what you are
talking about," I told her.  Our eyes were locked in a glaring contest of
wills.

   She broke first and I couldn't help but let myself smile what I thought
was my most innocent looking smile.  It pissed her off even further which
suited me just fine.  She knew I that was lying, which and it was rather
amusing.  As she gathered her yellow legal pads and stuffing things into a
carpet bag type briefcase, she shot me yet another glare.

   "Withholding evidence is a serious crime Sierra," the lady warned.

   My smile faltered and I could feel my confidence slipping.  "Like I
said, nothing happened.  I can't testify on something that didn't happen."

   "Have it your way then," she said exasperated.  "Maybe we'll see how you
feel after a visit from the authorities?  Juvenile Detention isn't a fun
place you know."

   I admit it.  That scared me.  I mean, what could they do to me?

   "Don't threaten my daughter," my mom shocked me by standing up for me. I
could hear that angry tone that always forebode doom for me whenever I was
busted for doing something I shouldn't.  "She's a 16 year old victim, not a
criminal."

   I looked over to her, amazed.  All through this she's said she doesn't
blame me, but her very attitude toward me belied that.  Up until now that
is.

   "Miss Addams, I'm sure you appreciate how much easier this would be for
us if Cierra would cooperate." That was the guy that said that as he
fiddled with his pen.  Over and over it flipped end over end in his
fingers. It was his only sign of agitation.

   "Well of course I understand that.  Neither Cierra or I are stupid.  If
Cierra says it didn't happen, then I believe she believes it.  Kids repress
memories of these things happening to them.  I've read about it too much
for it not to be true."

   "Yes but Miss Addams," he again started to object.  He'd set his pen
down and was covering it with his hand.  He knew he was losing.  The witch
did too, standing there looking balefully at me.

   "But nothing," my mom cut him off.  Go mom!  I smiled inwardly. 
"Cierra, baby.  Do you remember any of this happening to you?  The things
they say?"

   I shook my head.  That was my way out then and my mother handed it to me
on a silver platter.  "No."

   She turned to the lawyer and witch from social services.  "There you go.
You already said you have all the evidence you needed.  From what I can
tell, you only want this as icing for your cake.  Parade her through the
courtroom in front of the jurors.  You don't need her.  Let her get on with
her life.  Don't you think that would be less traumatic for her?  That IS
the whole point to this case isn't it?"

   There was a quick and silent conversation between the two as she bent
over so they could whisper to each other.  At length he stood up and picked
up his pen and yellow pad.  I never understood why legal pads were yellow?
Notebook paper wasn't good enough?

   "I see," he said unconvincingly.  "You're right.  We should be
considering Cierra's comfort in this matter."

   The witch fumed but didn't say a word.  I couldn't help but wonder if
she'd been raped as a child.  I felt sorry for her.  Momentarily.

   "Thank you both for coming in today." He turned to me.  "If you decide
you remember something give us a call, ok?" He attempted a smile.  I
shrugged and got up.  I was to the door by the time my mother even got up.

   I let myself out, ignoring the "Have a good day" from the receptionist.
Unlocking the car door, I sat and I waited.


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