	It’s me again! Just a little note for everyone, this is a no sex chapter.  It’s a get us from here to there, explaining the how and why of what brought me to where I am.  For those of you reading, enjoy hearing about my funky life.  For those of you looking for boning I promise some next time!  :)


	Seventeen led to eighteen and eighteen led to the end of high school.  Somehow, through it all, I’d survived.  
	Crystal got accepted to ASU and was abandoning us at the end of summer.  Mandy and I didn’t get accepted anywhere due to our grades.  We were both told our Senior year looked good but something our Sophomore year really damaged our overall grades.  Sixteen came back one more time to haunt us both.
	We decided to go to the local community college.  Since we weren’t the richest of girls we managed to get grants that took care of most of the cost of our classes.  We both got jobs right after school ended and, by mid-summer, we’d gotten our first apartment.
	It was a craphole and not in the best area of town but it was our craphole.  We made it a home.  Mandy wound up breaking up with Dave right after we moved into the apartment.  He’d been a little too controlling of her time and wanted her to check in on where she was. 
	She cried herself to sleep the first night after the break up.  The second night I brought home ice cream and sappy romance movies for us to cry over.  
	She slept in my bed with me, just needing to feel someone there with her, for the first week after the break up.  After that week she was back to being her old self again.
	Not too long after Mandy and Dave broke up Crystal left us.  She wanted to get to ASU and get her dorm room and see what life in Arizona was like.  We spent one last night together, laughing, crying and pillow fighting.
	The next day Ronnie and her were off.  Ronnie had no chance at college so he decided to go with Crystal and see if he could find a job as a mechanic and maybe get an apartment of his own so Crystal could move in with him, once he was ready.
	It amazed me, all the things the three of us had been though and, through it all, the only real constant in our lives had been Ronnie and Crystal’s relationship. To say Mandy and I were jealous of how lucky Crystal was would be putting it mildly.
	After they were gone, I almost took off to California to find Will.  Mandy was ready to go whenever I was but, with works and school about to start, I wound up putting that wild urge aside.  A decision I would regret for the rest of my life.
	College started and it was hard!  High school had nothing on the workload we were expected to keep up with. Lucky for me I met Tim.  He was taking two of the same classes as me and was a Godsend.  
	Math, as usual, kicked my ass. If it hadn’t been for Tim helping me I don’t know how I would have passed that damn class.
	Tim and I started to hang out a little bit more.  He was shy at first but, once he felt safe around you, he was funny and smart and everything I liked in a guy.
	We started dating and, after a couple of months he moved in with me and Mandy.  It was a bit awkward for him at first. He didn’t know about Mandy and I and the things we’d done.  He only knew she was closer to me than any blood relative could ever be and that was that.
	Eighteen gave way to nineteen and my life changed in a million ways.  Mandy met Kyle and wound up moving in with him, leaving Tim and I the apartment.  Things were good. We worked, we went to school and Tim loved me.  That was as perfect as it could get.
	As usual, when my life is perfect things go nuts.  In summer, as my twentieth birthday was coming up, I started feeling sick a lot.
	I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant.
	“What?!” I screamed. “How did that happen?”
	The doctor gave me a little smile and said, “I’m pretty sure by now you know how a baby is made, Lizzi.”
	“But I’m on the pill!”
	“Did you take it every day?” She asked.
	“Yes! Every day at six for the last million years!”
	She shook her head and said, “The pill isn’t perfect, Lizzi.  Sometimes these things happen.”
	I left the doctor’s office and wound up driving around for a while before I went home.  I was going to be a mother.  Me.  Never had the though ever once crossed my mind of having a kid.  What if I turned out like my mother?
	I had to pull over and cry before I could finally get myself home.
	I was sitting on the sofa, staring at the TV even though it was off, when Tim came home.
	He saw me sitting there and asked, “Are you okay?”
	“I went to the doctor,” I said.
	“What did she say?”
	“I’m pregnant.”
	He stopped. For one full second, everything that was Tim froze.  I’m even sure his heart stopped.
	“You’re pregnant?” He asked.
	“Yeah,” I said.
	Slowly, he walked over and sat down on the couch next to me. I stared at the TV, terrified to see his reaction to my surprise.
	“I thought you were on the pill,” he said.
	“I am. I was. Whatever. I took it every night. The doctor said we’re just lucky and beat the odds.”
	He took my hands and kissed the back of each one.  Tears spilled down my face as I looked over at him. He sat there was a silly grin on his face and said, “We’re going to have a baby.”
	“Yeah, we are,” I said, feeling a tentative little smile tugging at my lips.
	“I’m so fucking scared right now I think I’m gonna piss my pants,” he said, making me laugh and cry.
	He held me while I cried and whispered in my ear, “We’ll make this work, Lizzi. I promise we will.”
	The next day I called Crystal to let her know the news.  She cried and demanded pictures and, on winter break she was coming back to see me when I got big and fat.  I told her she was a bitch.
	I called Mandy and told her the news and she hung up on me.  I was a little pissed but, twenty minutes later, she came tearing into my apartment, jumping screaming and laughing like a lunatic.
	We figured the baby would come in March, which meant I could finish the Fall and Winter semesters if I wanted to. I got through Fall but my life fell apart again before the Winter semester started.
	Crystal called one day, bawling her eyes out.  It took me almost ten minutes to calm her down enough to find out what had happened.  I wished I hadn’t.
	Will had been on his way home from work when a drunk driver cut across traffic and hit him head on.  The driver had managed to get away with only some bruises and cuts.  Will hadn’t.  The police told Crystal that he’d died instantly and had never felt any pain. 
	Somehow I got through the rest of the call with Crystal, demanded to talk to Ronnie and made sure he would take care of her.  He swore he’d be at her side day and night.
	I hung up the phone and took a deep breath.  It was like a thousand voices were in my head screaming to get out but I had one more call to make.
	I called Mandy and said, “I need you.”
	I don’t know if it was the words or the sound of my voice but Mandy flew across town to be with me.
	I told her what had happened and we both lost it.  We collapsed into each other’s arms and cried for hours.  
	Tim was wonderful the whole time. He made sure whatever I need or wanted I got.  He even drove all over town one night when I needed mint chocolate chip ice cream.  It took three different stores before he found it but he finally did.
	With the new year started and our baby getting huge in my belly, Tim came home one day with a surprise.  He got down on his knees and asked me to marry him.  He apologized for the cheap ring but it was all he could afford.  It was a small diamond chip in the center of a gold heart.  I’d never seen anything more beautiful in my life.
	We went down to the Justice of the Peace and got married.  Crystal was pissed because she had school and she’d wanted to be there but, at least, I had Mandy.
	A couple of months later William Christopher Carol was born.  William had been Tim’s idea. He knew how much Will had meant to me, but not why, and it was an amazing gift.
	When Tim graduated we moved so he could get a job.  We moved two more times before finally settling down.  Once Will was in school full time, I went back to college during the day and managed to get my degree.  I couldn’t do much with it since I wanted to be there for Will as he grew.
	We talked about having another baby but, when Will was five, I had to have a hysterectomy.  My period had been excruciatingly painful and I was having trouble going to the bathroom so Tim took me to the doctor.  
	We found out I had uterine fibroids which meant I had to have a hysterectomy.  I cried a lot but Tim took it in stride.
	“That’s okay, sweetie,” he said.  “Why would we want another kid when we have the most perfect one ever conceived?”
	I cried and he held me and, being Tim, had to add, “Besides, now we don’t have to use condoms anymore which saves money and makes sex more fun so it’s a win win situation!”
	The summer after my hysterectomy, for a late sixth birthday for Will and a late twenty-sixth birthday for me, Tim took us on vacation to Disneyland.  This was both mine and Will’s first trip to Disneyland and it was the best vacation ever.
	It was even better when, after I told Crystal we were going, she made sure she and her family went at the same time.
	We got rooms at the same hotel and, when I caught my first glimpse of her in years, my first words were, “Christ, Crytsal! Again?”
	She grinned and rubbed her belly. “Yup!”
	Crystal and Ronnie had had their first baby at twenty-one.  It was a little girl and she named her Ema.  I remember her making a point of spelling Ema with only one m.
	“Why did you do that?” I asked.
	“E for Elizabeth and MA for Mandy,” she said. “I had to use the E because I didn’t want to call her Llama.”
	Between the tears and laughter I managed to tell her it was the best name ever.
	Two years later she and Ronnie had Little Ronnie.
	“You do know what makes babies right?” I asked.
	“Damn right I do,” she said.  “We practice making babies a lot!”
	By the end of the first day the four adults were ready to lay down and die but the kids were still full of energy.  We took them down to the hotel’s pool and let them splash around while we relaxed.
	“So I had an idea,” Crystal said.
	“That’s never a good thing,” I said.
	“Eat me,” she replied.  “Anyway.  I think you and Tim should move to Phoenix.”
	“Okay, why?” I asked.
	“Because I think we should get Will and Ema to hook up,” she said.  “Then we’ll be one big goofy assed family.”
	“As long as any kids they have don’t turn out like you,” a voice said behind us.
	We both turned and screamed. Mandy stood behind us, grinning like a fool.
	I now had both of my sisters with me. My family was all in one place for the first time in forever.  It was perfect.
	The entire vacation blew by way too fast.  We only had five days fully together before we had to head back but it was a five days I would cherish forever.
	Five years went by in the blink of an eye.  Tim had started to act distant and, between work and all of Will’s after school stuff, I didn’t figure out why until it was too late.
	The hang up calls started right after my thirty-second birthday.  Just once in a while at first but, with every passing week, a little more often.  It started to drive me nuts when it was every damn night.
	 The next clue that should have woken me up was when our credit card bill had a couple of hotel charges on it that I didn’t know about. Tim shrugged it off and said one of the guys he worked with was having marital problems and he was helping out by getting him a room when he needed it.
	He said it so nonchalantly I bought it right away.  I wonder if part of me didn’t want to accept what was going on so I buried my head in the sand.
	It finally got through my thick skull when, as I was checking the phone bill, I found Tim had been calling a long distance number a lot.  It was a number in a city thirty miles away and I was sure he didn’t have any friends up there.
	Giving into my curiosity, I dialed the number.
	When a young woman’s voice answered on the other end, I felt a cold dread squeeze my heart.  What she said crushed my heart.
	“You’re calling kind of early. Did you get out of the house early or something?”
	I stood there, unable to speak, feeling like I was going to puke my guts out.  I hung up the phone and walked over to the sofa and sat down.  When Tim walked in a little while later that’s where he found me, sitting there staring at a blank TV, just like when I’s found out I was pregnant.
	“What’s wrong?” He asked.
	I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to hit him and make him feel as hurt as I felt. I wanted to cry but I wouldn’t do that. I would not let him see me weak.
	“How long?” I asked, my voice just barely above a whisper.
	“How long what, Lizzi?” He asked.
	“How long have you been cheating on me?”
	He stopped and stared at me for a second and I saw it. It was almost too quick to catch but I saw the look of fear on his face and that confirmed everything.
	He sighed and said, “Honey, I’m not cheating on you. I don’t…”
	“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE LIE TO ME!” I screamed.  “I found her number on the phone bill, you son of a bitch! How long have you been fucking her?”
	His shoulders slumped and he said, “About six months.”
	My heart ached and tears stung my eyes. I didn’t want to know any more. I wanted to just pack up and leave but I couldn’t.  Something inside me demanded answers and I couldn’t stop it.
	“Is she the only one?” I asked.
	He hesitated which made me scream.
	“How many?” I demanded.
	“Two others,” he said.
	Three.  He’d cheated on me three times.  This perfect man who’d been such a wonderful, caring husband had cheated on me three times.
	“Why?” I asked.
	“I don’t know,” he said.
	“The fuck you don’t!” I screamed. “Tell me why godammit!”
	“Because we’ve grown apart,” he said. “We’re not the same people we were when we got married.  I come home and we play at being one big happy family but we’re not.  I feel so stifled by all of this.”
	“We ‘play’ at being a happy family? I love you and Will with…”
	I stopped as the door opened and Will and his friend Brian walked in.  Both of them were laughing and smiling until they saw us.  Both of them knew something was wrong right away, even if Tim and I quickly covered it up.
	We didn’t fight in front of Will. It was my rule. We fight in the bedroom or kitchen, quietly, so he doesn’t see it. All I wanted him to feel was our love and affection.
	“Is something wrong?” He asked, looking at us.
	“We were having a discussion is all, honey,” I said.  “Why don’t you and Brian go hang out in your room for a while, okay?”
	The boys left the room and I told Tim, “We’re not doing this in front of him.  Since you have plans tonight already, why don’t you pack a bag and get the fuck out?”
	He was smart enough to go without a fight.
	The next morning, while he was at work, I called my friend Holly.  My friend who I’d worked for until last year when we decided that Tim’s salary was enough to take care of us and I could stay home and do stuff for Will. My friend who was a divorce lawyer.
	With Tim’s admission of infidelity I had him by the balls and I squeezed.  I got child support, half of the house after its sale and custody of Will during the school year.  Tim would have him over summer, which I agreed to.  Tim was a shitty human being but he did love his son.  It was the only damn redeeming quality he had.
	 Will was devastated by what happened.  He promised to be better if we didn’t get a divorce.  He begged and pleaded and cried but it wall all for naught.
	We moved into a small apartment while we waited for escrow on the house to close.  Once it did we were moving back home. I just couldn’t face all of the people I knew anymore. Between their pitying looks and me wondering how many of them had known and not told me, it was tearing me apart.
	One day Will came home from school and walked up to me and asked, “Did Dad cheat on you?”
	“What?” I asked. I’d heard him but I didn’t know what the hell to say.
	“Mom, don’t lie, I want to know,” he said, his very so very serious. “Did Dad cheat on you?”
	“Honey, what happened between your father and I is between him and me,” I said.  “We both love you very much and you’re the best thing to ever happen to us.”
	He stared at me for a moment before he said, “Billy was right. He did cheat on you.”
	Billy.  The son of that loud mouthed gossiping bitch that Tim worked with.  Well, like mother like son, I guess.
	“Will, Billy shouldn’t have said that to you.  It’s none of his business,” I said.  
	“It is too my business!” He yelled. “Dad’s an asshole and I hate him!”
	“William! You will not talk about your father like that!” I yelled back.
	“Why are you defending him?” He demanded.  “He cheated on you. He lied to you and hurt you. He’s an asshole!”
	I tried my best to hide my smile as I admonished him but it was hard.
	“Will, he’s still your father,” I said. “He’s paid for most everything you have. He’s made sure this family has never gone without.  You’ll show him the respect he deserves for that.”
	He glared at me and said, “I’ll do it because you asked me to but he’s still an asshole.”
	I couldn’t hold back anymore. I laughed and pulled him into my arms.  He was my pride and joy and I couldn’t have asked for a better son.
	We moved right after school ended.  Tim agreed Will could stay with me until July to help with the move.  I tried not to thank him for being so gracious.  Prick.
	After we moved I finally managed to work up the courage to call Mandy.  The number I had didn’t work anymore which meant she’d run off to Europe again.  She’d finally found her calling a couple of years ago designing clothes.  Now she bounced all over the place doing design work and seeing the world.  
	I called Crystal and spilled everything to her.
	“Why the hell didn’t you call me sooner?” She demanded.
	“I don’t know,” I said. “I just felt so stupid. He’d been cheating on me for almost two years and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed.  Why didn’t I see it sooner?”
	“Because you loved him, dummy,” Crystal said. “Love makes you blind. Just look at me. I’m married to this ugly bastard and, because I’m in love with him, I can turn a blind eye to his hideousness.”
	“Love you, honey,” I heard Ronnie say in the background.
	I snickered but my depression swept right back over me.
	“And I feel ugly,” I admitted. “I work out to try and look good but I keep asking myself what would have happened if I was a little prettier?”
	“Knock that shit off right now, Lizzi,” she said. “You are beautiful and you always have been and always will be.”
	“She’s right,” Ronnie yelled from the background. “I’d totally do you, Lizzi.”
	This time the laughter made me almost fall off of the sofa.  The depression that had been haunting me seemed to recede and stay back this time.
	“See!” Crystal said. “Ronnie has damn good taste in women so you must good looking.”
	We talked a little more and I started to feel better.
	“Do you know where Mandy is now?” I asked. “I called the number she sent me but it’s disconnected.”
	“I got a letter from her with her new number,” Crystal said.  “Let me get it.”
	She gave me the number and, after I promised to call her every day and let her know I was okay, I called Mandy.  Just like before, the number had been disconnected.
	I set the phone down and felt the depression creeping back up on me.  Tim would be out in a couple of days to take Will back with him for the rest of summer.  I would have our new home all to myself and I was dreading it. 
