JC: Ed Biggers
Part 3: Accretion
Chapter 5
By
Lazlo Zalezac
Copyright (C) Lazlo Zalezac, 2004

Marguerite and Bob were laughing and dancing the twist when the 
waiter came in the kitchen. For a full minute, he stared open 
mouthed at the pair amazed that on the first day of the cooking 
contest they were dancing fifteen minutes before he was to deliver 
the meal to the judges. The first three chefs had been working 
furiously to get everything done on time. She was dancing, the 
kitchen was clean, and there were two servings of lunch on the 
table for them. Once that classic song was over, another song came 
on the radio. 

Working in time to the music, Marguerite went to refrigerator and 
removed a large pot containing Borsch. After putting the pot on the 
counter, she filled two tureens with the soup using a pitcher. Her 
choice of utensils surprised the waiter. While she carried one 
tureen over to one of the two rolling tables destined for the judges, 
Bob did the same for the other table.

The theme for this meal was a Ladies Garden Club luncheon and 
Marguerite had adhered to the theme very closely. She explained 
to the waiter how the soup was to be served to the judges. The 
soup was to be ladled into the bowl and the judges were to be 
asked if they wanted sour cream put on the top. Fresh flowers that 
helped the dish remain true to the luncheon scheme surrounded the 
bowls.

Once the Judges had satisfied themselves with the soup, the plates 
with the turkey wraps were to be served. She showed him how to 
set the turkey wrap upright supported by the cucumber stand in the 
center of the plate. The waiter was to insert the flower into the 
open end of the wrap so that it would look like a vase with a single 
flower. Below the wrap was a garden salad with black olives with 
small pieces of an olive inserted into it to form antennae, a slice of 
carrot had been trimmed to look like a caterpillar, and a radish was 
trimmed to look like a butterfly.  To one side of the plate was a 
mushroom with the stalk made of slices of cherry tomatoes 
intermixed with small slices of goat cheese. Forming the head of 
the mushroom was a slice of a larger tomato, cut from one of the 
sides so that it was rounded on the top. Across the top of the plate 
were slices of bell pepper cut so that they looked like peapods. 
Inserted in the bell pepper slices were small Brussel Sprouts to 
serve as peas. Along the right side of the plate was a small pile of 
fruit pieces.

The dessert was homemade peach ice cream topped with sprigs of 
mint and an orchid. She had struggled to come up with a desert 
choice, almost going with a chocolate desert with a flower motif. 
However, in thinking it over, she decided that everyone would do 
that. In her opinion, nothing proclaimed summer days like peach 
ice cream.

The beverage was a strawberry smoothie. She had debated between 
the smoothie, iced tea, and iced coffee. It was only after she 
considered the drinks that other Chefs would provide that she went 
with the smoothie. Now that the meal was done, she was quite 
pleased. 

The waiter looked at the plates with wide eyes. As a student at the 
Culinary Institute, he was shocked at the quality and imagination 
that went into this presentation. This was his third delivery and the 
presentation went far beyond anything he had seen so far. Every 
item on the table looked and smelled delicious. He said, "This is 
the best presentation that I've seen, yet."

"Oh, thank you," replied Marguerite. She listened to the music for 
a moment and then said, "Well, the song is about over and it is 
time for you to deliver the meal."

The waiter went to the door and called in the two people that were 
to take the tables to the judges room. As they grabbed the tables, 
he said, "Be careful with them."

Ed's morning had been a very different kind of day. He had eaten 
breakfast in the dining room for observers. There were thirty 
contestants and ten judges. Each meal ten Chefs prepared food for 
the judges while the other twenty prepared meals for the observers. 
He didn't know who had prepared the meal he ate, but it was good.

After breakfast, Ed took a taxi over to the New York office of the 
IRS. Sitting in the back of the smelly cab and watching the city go 
by, he felt a spiritual draining. While others might see the city as 
dynamic, he saw stagnation. Homeless people shuffling along the 
street, prostitutes parading their bodies, drunks staggering across 
the street, and filth on the sidewalks tore at his soul. There were 
too many people crowded together in too small of an area. 

The cab pulled up in front of the Federal Building and Ed got out 
of the cab. Paying the cabby, he was astounded at how much the 
drive cost. Entering the building, he quickly found the IRS offices. 
When he showed his badge to the receptionist, her eyes got big as 
she said, "Special Agent Dr. Biggers, we've been expecting you."

Looking down at the nameplate, he said, "Lisa, please call me Ed."

The receptionist looked flustered and said, "Let me call Mr. 
Hutchinson and let him know that you've arrived."

Within a few minutes, Mr. Hutchinson entered the reception area 
and looked around for Ed. He didn't quite know what to expect, but 
it wasn't a cowboy complete with hat and boots. Walking over to 
Ed, he asked, "Dr. Biggers?"

Smiling at the uncomfortable expression on the other man's face, 
Ed said, "Please call me Ed. I'm a rather causal sort of guy."

Chad Hutchinson replied, "You can call me Chad. We were very 
surprised when we heard that you were coming by here. Is there 
anything you can do for you?"

Ed asked, "How many agents are assigned in this office?"

"Hundreds, why?"

The thought of going through an office area with the case files for 
a hundreds of agents made Ed sick to his stomach. He said, "Can 
you find a small conference room well away from their offices that 
I can use? I would like one agent at a time to come to the office 
with their case files. I can handle about six agents an hour without 
ill consequences. If you'll also provide me with some pencils, I 
would appreciate it."

Chad looked at Ed in puzzlement and said, "I don't know why you 
are asking this, but I'll do what you ask."

Following Chad down a hall to a small conference room, Ed took 
in his surroundings. He had no idea how anyone could work here 
day in and day out. The conference room was not that small and Ed 
took a seat on the side facing the door. 

It was about ten minutes before the first agent showed up with a 
stack of files. He set them on the table and looked at Ed. Ed 
quickly started moving files one at a time from the tall pile to form 
a pile to the right. Finally, he hit a file that brought a wave a 
nausea and opened it. Grabbing one of the pencils, he went down 
the forms marking the falsified entries. When he finished that one, 
he closed it and set it to the left. He went through the stack 
finishing the entire pile in less than five minutes. 

The agent had watched, fascinated at what Ed was doing. Ed sat 
back and said, "Those files are either correct or the errors on them 
were honest errors. Don't persecute them, just find the error and 
settle for the amount in error."

The agent looked at Ed in surprise and asked, "What about the 
penalties?"

"Drop them for an expedient settlement. These are honest people 
that made a mistake," replied Ed.

"Okay, I'll have to clear it with the boss."

Smiling at the agent, Ed said, "Don't worry about him. Now this 
other stack is a different matter entirely. These people have 
purposefully lied on their tax forms. I've marked each line that isn't 
correct with an 'X' so that you'll be able to track down how they 
did it. Now please take these files away. I find them offensive."

Ed sat back to relax a few minutes before the next agent came in 
the room. He repeated the process that he had followed with the 
first agent. Again it took him less than five minutes to go through 
all of the files. This agent just stared at Ed the entire time, not 
believing what he was seeing. 

When he was done with that agent, Chad came into the room and 
asked, "What exactly are you doing? I looked over what you did on 
the cases that you examined and I don't understand how you could 
do that so quickly."

Ed stared at Chad, an act that brought chills to the agent. Ed 
replied, "I see and hear lies with complete accuracy. It is a gift 
from my Gods and Goddesses. I am using that gift to stop people 
that are harming others through deceit. Stealing from the American 
people harms us all. Harming innocents that have made honest 
mistakes is wrong as well. Don't hurt the honest, have them pay 
what they owe and let them go."

Voice shaking, Chad replied, "Okay."

Winking at him, Ed said, "If you have any concerns or doubts, I 
suggest you call Stan Bentley in the Billings Montana office and 
Gary Smales in the Phoenix office. They will give you the peace of 
mind to sleep tonight."

"I'll bring in the next agent."

Then next two hours dragged by as agent after agent filled into the 
office. He wondered how many of these he could tolerate in one 
day. Getting thirsty, he requested the last agent to have Chad come 
in the office. Ed waited staring out the window behind him and 
slowly turned when the door to the conference room opened. A 
much more respectful Chad came in and sat down across from Ed. 
After a hesitation of a second, Chad said, "I talked to the people 
you told me to call. They were very informative calls."

Changing the subject, Ed asked, "Is it possible for you to arrange 
someone to run some errands for me?"

Deciding that Ed was a special visitor, there was no reason his 
request couldn't be satisfied. Chad said, "I'll tell my secretary to 
come here."

Ed thought about it for a moment and replied, "I wouldn't want to 
disrupt your ability to do your job. Maybe there's a temp service 
around from which you can get someone over here. I'll pay the 
wages since they'll be taking care of my personal needs as well. I'll 
need them fulltime, night and day."

Chad stood up and said, "I'll take care of it."

"Good. Could you also ask the next agent to bring a Coke? I'm 
dying of thirst here," said Ed.

Chad went to follow up on the request. An extra five minutes 
passed before the next agent entered the room. He set the stack of 
files on the table. From the top of the pile, he removed a can of 
Coke and handed it to Ed. Setting the can aside, Ed pulled a single 
folder out of the pile and opened it. This had to be the worst of all 
the files that he had seen. Pencil flying over the page, he marked 
almost every line on every page of the file. 

He threw it over to the agent and said, "Rake this person over the 
coals. I don't know who they are or much they owe, but 
considering the amounts on each line they are robbing the 
American public."

Ed found only one more file that needed his attention. He went 
through it in less than a second. The only two lines that caught his 
attention were two child deductions that were bogus. He put it on 
top of the other file and said, "That bottom file is really bad."

The agent opened it and looked at the name. He looked up at Ed 
and said, "This is one of the richest people in Manhattan."

Ed said, "Bring in some of his back filings and I'll go through 
them. When we are done with him, he's going to be a very changed 
man."

"Why are you so angry?"

"Here is a man that has more money than he could possibly use 
and yet he chooses to cheat the hand that has made all that 
possible. That money can do so much good for people, but he 
chooses to pamper himself at their expense," replied Ed. 

"That's the nature of the rich," replied the agent.

Laughing, Ed said, "My husband is worth almost half a billion 
dollars and that is after giving away ninety-five percent of his 
money to charity. He has an accountant that does his taxes and 
they are then checked by a team of IRS agents. Any deduction that 
engenders any debate is dropped. Not all rich are greedy."

"Oh, that's right. Your husband is John Carter," said the agent. He 
couldn't imagine someone giving away ninety-five percent of his 
income to charities. He asked, "How rich are you?"

Smiling at the question, Ed answered, "I'm the richest man alive. I 
have three wives and a husband that love me. I can't imagine a 
greater wealth than that."

The answer puzzled the agent and then he said, "I meant how much 
money do you have?"

Ed answered, "I really don't know. I earned a hundred thousand 
last year with my consulting work. Outside of the moneys from the 
family that are used in the performance of my duties to the 
household, that is what I live on."

The agent left with the folder. Rather than another agent, a very 
large black women entered the room. She settled into a chair that 
protested the sudden weight. A frown grew on her face as she 
looked at Ed catching his raised eyebrow when the chair groaned 
its protest. Finally, she said,  "Well, if it ain't Howdy Dowdy."

Chuckling, Ed said, "Not quite. I'm Ed Biggers, but you can call 
me Ed. I take it you are from the temporary agency."

"Yes, I am," replied the woman. She looked over Ed as though she 
smelled something bad and said, "I'm not sure that I want to work 
for you."

Her words rang true and Ed sat back to examine her. In a calm 
voice, he asked, "And why might that be?"

"I don't work for racists," said the women as he looked at him. She 
didn't trust cowboys, poor whites, and rich whites on general 
principles. She would work for rich whites, but only if the money 
was good.

"Neither do I," replied Ed. He added, "Nor do I allow racists to 
work for me."

That got a reaction out of the woman. With a barely restrained 
anger, she leaned forward and asked, "Are you saying I'm a 
racist?"

Ed leaned forward so that there was barely a foot separating their 
heads and answered, "I follow two rules in my life. If it harm none, 
then do it. Protect the weak from the strong. It is a sacred duty for 
me to live that way. I wonder if you can say the same."

The woman sat back and said, "I am one of the weak and I've been 
protecting myself from the strong my whole life. And you need to 
understand that I'm not too willing to trust the strong."

Her words rang of truth, she really did see herself as one of the 
weak who had to protect herself from the strong. He replied, "Now 
that we understand each other, what is your name?"

"Shuana Johnson," she replied. 

Pulling a card from his pocket, Ed said, "Okay Shuana, take this 
card and call Cathy at my house. Tell her to arrange a room for you 
at my hotel and to get a food ticket for you. Next, I want you to 
buy an iced tea maker, a bag of ice, tea bags, and cooler for the ice. 
Finally, I want you to arrange a private limousine for the next six 
days starting this afternoon."

Shuana shifted nervously in her chair. The chair complained at the 
mistreatment. She asked, "How am I supposed to pay for all this 
stuff?"

Reaching into his back pocket, Ed pulled out three hundred dollars 
and his transportation debit card. As he handed them to her, he 
joked, "I can trust you not to run off to Hawaii with these, can't I?"

Looking at the card and cash, Shauna absently replied, "Sure."

There was a ring of truth in her words. He said, "Okay, get going. 
If you have a chance, stop and get me some sort of snack tray. I 
like to munch a little while I work."

Shauna stood up by leaning on the table and walked out of the 
room. As she left, another agent came in the room. Ed returned to 
his work. In the middle of the afternoon, Shauna came in and 
brewed some iced tea. She kept his glass filled and brought in a 
bunch of Chinese appetizers. Ed tried them and found them quite 
tasty although a little greasy. 

The afternoon dragged on before it was time to leave. Exhausted 
with a terrible headache, Ed laid his head on the table.  Even 
Shauna could tell that he was exhausted by the effort of the day. 
She came over to him and said, "Boss, time for us to get out of 
here. You look tired and should get some rest."

Somewhat shakily, Ed stood and went to the door. Shauna went to 
help steady him, but he said, "Just need to work out some of the 
stiffness. I dislike doing this so much."

She had seen him react to the folders and asked, "What's it like 
when you see those folders?"

"It's like listening to chalk squeaking across a blackboard, but a 
thousand times louder. I hear it until all the lies are exposed," 
replied Ed.

"The limousine is waiting downstairs," said Shauna as she led the 
way to the elevator. Pushing the down button, she looked over at 
Ed. Much to her surprise, she was worried about him. 

When they reached the car, Ed got in the back with Shauna and 
immediately fell asleep. This was her first time in a limousine and 
the experience was very exciting. The driver asked for the 
destination and she told him the name of the hotel. Reaching the 
hotel, she shook him awake and they went in.

It took just a few minutes to check her into the room. The meal 
ticket for the competition was waiting for her at the counter and the 
clerk handed it over to her. With a sigh, he said, "You are one 
lucky lady to get one of these. I heard that a ticket went up for 
auction and sold for fifty thousand dollars."

Shauna looked at Ed in shock. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, 
"I'm given five of them for sponsoring one of the contestants. I 
gave two away to charities to use for fundraising. I'm keeping one 
in case another member of the family shows up."

Shauna was shocked to learn that she had been given a meal ticket 
worth fifty thousand dollars. She asked, "How can this ticket be 
worth that much money?"

Ed said, "I would like to think that it is because this promises to 
have the best meals cooked in the world for a solid week by the 
greatest private Chefs in the world. However, I fear that the real 
reason is that thirty of the richest people are represented here. Lots 
of near rich want to rub elbows with them."

Shauna asked, "Are you that rich?"

Shaking his head, Ed answered, "No, I'm just an ex-cowboy that 
hunts rocks for a living. My husband is the rich one. Now, I'll let 
you get settled in your room and we'll meet down at the dining hall 
at six thirty."

Shaking her head, she said, "Okay. I'll be down there. Should I get 
something better to wear?"

"Why? I'm going dressed just like this," answered Ed.

Raising an eyebrow, she said, "If you say so."

Ed watched her walk away shaking her head. It was clear that he 
had thrown her a few curves over the course of the day. He went to 
his room and called down to Marguerite. When Bob answered, Ed 
asked, "So how are things going down there?"

Bob laughed as he answered, "Marguerite is dancing up a storm 
down here. I never knew that cooking was that physical."

He knew exactly what Bob meant about Marguerite dancing while 
she cooked. Just about every time that he went into the kitchen she 
was moving in time to the music. He said, "I'll let you get back to 
dancing. Have fun."

Bob answered, "I haven't had this much fun in ages."

After the call, Ed took a shower trying to get the tension of the day 
out of his system. As he washed, he wished that another member of 
the family was here to help him relieve some of the tension that he 
was feeling. He stepped out of the shower, dried himself, and 
dressed. It had been a long day and he wondered how long he 
could take working like he had today.

Pacing in front of the entrance to the dining hall, he was surprised 
to see Shauna arrive in a formal dress. She hadn't believed that he 
would show up in blue jeans, work shirt, boots, and cowboy hat. 
When she saw him, her mouth dropped open at his attire. He hadn't 
lied. She said, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't show up underdressed."

Shrugging, Ed said, "That's fine with me. I don't care what you 
wear, just so long as you are comfortable."

The pair went to the door of the dining hall. The man at the door 
requested to look at their tickets. Both Ed and Shauna presented 
their tickets. Looking Ed over, the man said, "You might want to 
consider more formal attire, sir. Friday is strictly black tie."

Ed looked at the man and asked, "What exactly is the point of 
formal dress?"

"To look better?" replied the man.

Ed asked, "Are you suggesting that I'm ugly?"

"No, sir. It's just that people tend to look more sophisticated in 
formal dress." The man at the door looked around in the hope of 
getting assistance.

Attempting to look like Laurel from Laurel and Hardy, Ed asked, 
"So I guess you're saying that I look like a country hick?"

Shaking his head, the man said, "I don't know what to say. Those 
are the rules. Formal attire is required Friday. Business casual for 
the other days."

The discussion was interrupted by laughter from a gentleman 
standing behind them. He said, "You remind me of my uncle. He 
didn't like to wear pretentious clothes either."

Ed replied, "I hope that puts me in good company."

"It does," replied the man. 

"Good, would you like to join us at our table?" asked Ed.

"That would be nice," answered the man. He extended his hand 
and said, "My name is John."

Ed took his hand in a nice firm handshake and said, "My name is 
Ed and my assistant here is Shauna."

John looked at Shauna with a question in his eye, but chose not to 
pursue it. The three of them went to a table and sat down. Shauna 
had figured out the identity of John and was amazed that Ed talked 
to him just like another person. They ordered different dishes from 
the computer based menu that kept track of the quantities of each 
meal that was left. Each meal was presented with a picture and a 
description of the dish. The only information missing was the 
name of the Chef that had prepared the meal. 

It didn't take long for the food to be brought to their table. Over the 
meal, the group talked. After a while, John asked, "What kind of 
charities do you support?"

Ed said, "I'm directly supporting a number of local charities at 
home. Mostly amateur arts like bands, plays, and other such things. 
I sit on the Board of the Fusion Foundation and I donate my time 
to the IRS. Occasionally, I do a little work with the FBI."

With a very surprised look on his face, John said, "The Fusion 
Foundation. Which activity are you most closely associated with?"

In a very offhand manner, Ed replied, "I'm in charge of the 
Emergency Response Section, but it basically runs itself now. I 
only have to sit through a couple of boring meetings a month."

While Ed remained ignorant of the identify of his dinner 
companion, his dinner companion had figured out who Ed was. 
More importantly Shauna had figured out who Ed was as well. She 
had participated in one of the Fusion Foundation Block Parties 
where they used the food that was reaching its expected shelf life 
to help build better community relations. She had thought it was a 
brilliant activity. She also used the local health clinic that was 
sponsored by the Fusion Foundation. 

John said, "That means you are part of the Carter Family."

Surprised, Ed said, "Oh, you know about us."

Unable to believe that Ed was surprised at being recognized, John 
asked, "When you aren't doing charity work, what are you doing?"

"Hunting rocks and pursuing my research," answered Ed. He 
wasn't going to discuss his time spent with his family. 

The discussion was interrupted with the arrival of Marguerite and 
Bob. They were finished for the night and came by to say hello to 
Ed. Sitting down at the table, Marguerite gave Ed a big kiss and 
said, "This was the best day of my life. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I heard you put in a full day of dancing," 
answered Ed.

John and Shauna watched not quite sure if they were following the 
conversation. Marguerite laughed as she replied, "You should have 
seen the waiter when he came in to deliver our lunch to the judges. 
We were dancing the Twist and he just stood there and stared."

Everyone at the table burst out at the image that invoked. Ed 
turned and performed the introductions, introducing Bob as 
Marguerite's dance partner. Ed asked, "When do we learn the 
standings?"

Marguerite answered, "They are going to post the rankings for 
each meal at nine. That's when they will tell us what we are 
preparing tomorrow. I was judged on lunch today."

Nodding, Ed said, "I'm sorry that I missed lunch. I spent the day at 
the IRS."

"Oh, you must be exhausted," said Marguerite. 

Bob asked, "Do you need a massage tonight?"

Shaking his head at the nice gesture, Ed said, "No, you should 
probably get some rest tonight."

Puzzled by the exchange, John asked, "Is it normal for the assistant 
Chef to give massages in your household?"

Bob replied, "I'm not the assistant Chef. We don't have one. I'm 
just helping Marguerite with cleaning up and fetching stuff. I'm the 
handyman around the house. I take care of the cars, the garden, and 
repair things that break around the house."

John turned to Marguerite and said, "You don't have an assistant?"

"No, I don't really need one."

Laughing, Ed said, "She says that she works for Barbarians and 
that I'm the worst of the lot."

John asked, "What do you mean?"

Marguerite grinned at Ed and said, "Last time I served stuffed pork 
chops, he told me that if he were making a stuffing sandwich he 
would have used bread. He confided that meat was far to messy on 
the fingers to be substituted for bread."

John broke up laughing and said, "Definitely reminds me of my 
uncle."

Another Chef joined them at the table. He sat down heavily and 
said, "That was a rough one. I heard that one of the contestants was 
dancing when they came to deliver her food to the judges."

Marguerite giggled at the announcement. John looked in her 
direction and shook his head. The Chef looked over at Marguerite 
and said, "Don't tell me that you were the one they were talking 
about."

Marguerite made motions like she was dancing the Twist in her 
chair and replied, "Guilty as charged."

As the dishes were presented with their scores, Marguerite broke 
out in a large smile. Ed sat back and said, "Congratulations, 
Marguerite. A first in presentation and a first in nutritional value 
and a third in flavor."

The other Chef groaned as John said, "You got a first in flavor, a 
second in presentation, and a fourth in nutritional value. Not bad."

Ed turned to the other Chef and said, "Congratulations. That's a 
great start."

Marguerite looked up at the assignments for the next day and 
groaned. She said, "Breakfast for a children's sleep over."

Perking up, Ed said, "Just consider this a chance to practice for 
when Beth has her baby."

Marguerite and Bob looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders. 
Finally, Bob said, "Sounds good to us."

She looked over the rest of the meal themes and said, "Wow, 
tomorrow is going to be fun. Buffet luncheon and seafood dinner. I 
say that we start the day with a little Rolling Stones, move on to 
something a little more new age for lunch, and finish up with some 
good old fashion rock and roll for dinner."

Incredulous at what he was hearing, the other Chef looked at 
Marguerite and asked, "You are planning the music you listen to 
rather than the meals you are going to prepare?"

She replied, "Of course, you have to have your priorities straight. 
First you relax, then you plan, and then you enjoy yourself as you 
execute your plan."

Ed said, "She cooks for herself as a means to achieve excellence in 
her life. She is pursuing her passion and we are just the happy 
victims of that effort."

"Victims?" cried Marguerite. She said, "Just see if I ever make 
instant pudding for you again."

With disdain in his voice, the other Chef asked, "Instant Pudding?"

Nodding, Ed answered, "Yes, instant pudding just like my mother 
used to make, thick skin on the top and all."

"Sounds perfectly horrendous," replied the Chef as he mentally 
placed Ed in the category of the nouveau riche.

John looked over at his chef and shook his head. This was the kind 
of thing that used to drive his uncle up the wall. He was shocked 
when Ed replied, "I know what I am and I'm not out to impress 
anyone. I know what I like and enjoy them tremendously. I define 
myself and do not let others influence that definition."

John turned to his chef and said, "Henri, listen to what they say and 
you might become a much better chef."

"After dancing all day with Bob, it is time for us to try some dirty 
dancing. Come on lover." Marguerite stood up and held out her 
hand for Bob. Laughing, he let her lead him out of the room. 

Watching them leave, Ed laughed and shook his head. He turned 
back to John and said, "One of these days, they're going to get 
married."
