*Warning* If you are offended by any sexual acts/groupings/couplings or are under the age of 18, please stop reading and exit the page. Thank you**


Brain stimulation is necessary for me to achieve orgasm, period. No matter how superb the oral skills and length of attention. No matter a natural male probe or an electrified toy. I must have that mental thrill to push my body over the edge. 

It could be talking dirty-- exchanging fantasies or roleplaying with a lover. It has been in the past. (But I stupidly traded in my favorite lover for a husband my family would approve of.)

That's mainly why I've been a fan of erotica and pornography. Fantasy inspiration. Sexual brain food. The simulation necessary for my release.

But it seemed that the longer I indulged myself with mental highs... like any long-term addict... I developed a tolerance, so I sought out increasingly more potent thrills. While it was happening, though, I didn't see it that way. And I'd excuse my arousal over something taboo by telling myself, "It's okay to get off on thinking about it, because I know I'd never really do it."

Well, that's a lie. Under the right circumstances, I know I really would. If I had a man who would be turned on (or even just amused) by it, or at least understood my perverse cravings enough to permit me to do it... and to make it as safe as possible for me to do it... and would 'play' (verbally at least) to 'make me' do it (this is really for my benefit, to at least take the edge off any guilt I feel about enjoying it.)... I really, really would. 

My ultimate sexual relationship is a combination of so many things I've imagined, and read about, and watched.

I want him to wake me up before he goes to work so he can "leave his mark on me" to remind me to get my chores done and to stay away from the sex sites while he's gone. He'd do this by spanking my ass and/or making my nipples sore, not hard enough to bruise or welt or tear, but good enough for me to feel it while he's gone. And I would be so grateful for his 'support' that I would thank him with a blowjob if he was in the mood for one...or I could just shower him with kisses.. whatever thanks he wanted. I want this daily. I know I would be a happier person, in general, if i were sore from him daily.

I want him to come home from work eager to see me. Eager to play with me. If he's in a good mood, great! Then we can have friend-time or romantic love, and I still need those things once in awhile out of my ultimate lover.

But if he's had a hard or bad day, I don't want him to shut me out. I still want to be of use to him.... He could blow off some steam by spanking me again... or pulling my head back by my hair and growl out his negativity while he pounds my pussy or asshole... he could call me all the names he wished he could call his supervisor or that idiot customer while I rim him... or he could make me drink his piss...

If he's bored, he could use me for his amusement. Have a friend over and embarass me in front of him by having me follow his instructions semi-publicly (in the privacy of our home, just with a guest -or two?- present). If he wanted to share one or all of my holes, any mild protest I would make would be superficial on my part - my only real concern about it would be if he *really* wanted me to do it. If he 'made me' do it just because he knew I wanted to, I'd feel guilty.

My ultimate lover could play with me alone... having me lick his balls or massage his feet with my hands or breasts during the tv show.. or having me masturbate for him during commercials only and laugh at my desperate frustration as he stops me from making myself cum several times. Lots of different kinds of playing. He doesn't always have to have a hardon or be in the mood for plugging one of my holes. Those were just a couple examples of other types of playing.

I'm an all-around slut. I love cock equally in all my holes. That said, one of my fantasies is to be an ass whore for the day. I call it "the coffee table day". On a day off...rent some movies (or pornos) you love, and have me kneel on the floor and bend over the coffee table. Secure my wrists and knees to the posts. Gag me or tape my mouth closed (mainly so I don't try to talk, although it's sad not to have my mouth available to you...). Stuff a plug in my ass, and use me as a footrest if you like. Ignore any crying or whining... or punish it. But never give in to it. I honestly want to do this at least once in my life. If it turns out I hate it, that's okay- I asked you to do it to me. I wanted to suffer through it. You're doing me a favor by not giving in. Be strong. Watch your movies. Let me be nothing to you but an ass whore for the day. (Call in for a pizza. Let me sweat it out when you answer the door!) You can take the plug out to fuck my ass or to replace it with a larger toy, but it should never be left empty. I should not be allowed to have my pussy or clit stimulated and I should not be allowed to cum while I'm on the coffee table, although I do wish to cum before the end of the night, but that'd really be up to him. Immediately after releasing me from the table, you would have me look at the puddle of pussy juice I created and remind me what an ass whore I really am... no matter how I might've whined or cried... my body loved it.. the evidence speaks for itself. Have me agree. Have me confess it to you. Have me thank you for it. And then demand I beg you for an act of 'thanking you' -- whatever it is you want in return for making this fantasy come true for me. Please, make me beg.

...The biggest ones...*warning* illegal and/or racist

Every time I try to type these, I start out wanting to rationalize or make excuses for them, but it would take pages to do that, and so I won't...

1) I want to be a 'real' two-dollar whore. I want my lover to rent a motel room and have a "party" (with people he knows and trusts, hopefully. I do want to be as safe as possible) where you are selling my my handjobs and titjobs and blowjobs very cheaply. I don't want to really 'earn' anything from it, but the goal would be for my 'work' to pay for all the expense of the day (room, food & drinks, etc). I know it'd be a lot of cum at two dollars a pop, but I want to work hard for your enjoyment. I want to make the day a solid memory for you. I know it would be for me. Any time after that day, when you'd call me a whore, we'd both know it was true, at least briefly. I'd love you for it! :)

If it's not possible for my lover to allow me to be used by several men, I would hope he would 'play' it with me. Build or buy some kind of contraption to hold a dildo in front of my mouth so I could be all fours sucking it. Make me suck it for 5 minutes, give me a minute break, then 5 minutes again.. for two or so hours. Fuck me while i suck it if you want to. Call them my whore training sessions :) mmm...

2) If he would help me create the necessary conditions, I want him to want to see me be a true bitch, fucked by a dog. I'm afraid of big dogs, but I know I'd love the humiliation, especially if he laughed at my sounds of pleasure and/or called me names during the act. Part of me wants even more.... for the dog to be my lover's, and for my lover to give my pussy forever to his dog for use... and to only ever use my mouth and ass... but... I think that may be the fantasy running too too-wild. For one, I love a man's dick in my pussy. I love thick dick in my pussy, and I know from pictures, movies, and stories, that dog penis is typically thin except for the knot. And a man's stamina seems to generally be longer than a dog's too... at least from what porn i've seen. And I love making love as much as pussy-pounding, and dogs don't understand that. I'm sure it would be *hot* but, i'm doubtful it would be wholly satisfying. Secondly, if a dog I live with normally has the freedom to lick and fuck me whenever it wants to, and I have my family over once in a blue moon...it'd be hard to get the dog to learn discretion. So, it'd be great if my lover had a friend who owned a dog... or if my lover ran a boarding/kennel or doggie-day-care or dog grooming business. I don't know. Maybe... maybe if it were an outside-only dog, my lover could own one and it could work. I don't know. I just want to be reduced to a bitch. At least once in my life. Just to have been a literal bitch once. And, again, a usual 'naughty' word would forever have a true meaning. The mental thrill of that word would be eternally amplified by the memory of that one act.

If it's not possible for my lover to allow me to be used by a dog, I would hope he would 'play' it with me. I saw online that a site has canine-penis-shaped dildos for sale. Blindfold me, drape a fur coat or rub a furry mitten over my back, and fuck me fast and hard with the doggie dildo. I want to feel like a bitch. Please , make me feel like a bitch (god, my pussy's on fire now!)

3) I want a lover who would understand my craving for black men. My lover can't be a black man, though-- too much difference for a LTR. I hate rap and hip-hop, and I only like jazz that omits the keys (although I like funk and love blues)... i don't like any black comedians I can think of, and there aren't many black actors (Morgan Freeman!) that I enjoy either...and black men seem to be either Jesus-freaks (Religulous!) or criminals or both.... and most don't care for cats, and i have three... and my family would just freak the fuck out. Anyway, even though i crave to be sexually used by black men, my lover *cannot* be a cuckold. Ew. I like men to be men, whether they're white or black. 

I don't know how this could really happen... but... i have a fantasy to be verbally humbled while I'm being used by a black man/men. I don't know what black man/men would want to participate in such a racist scene... so I guess it'd be more practical if my lover permitted me one day of indulgence and sent me to a bar (on the pill and with condoms!) in a black-majority town and let me get my fill... to come home to confess and be berated and punished. Doesn't have to be a recurring event. Doesn't really *have to* happen at all. And sure, I could go now, by myself, and do it. But it's not really the doing it I want. (although i do find it terribly naughty!). It's the words and punishment after that I want, and that can only come from my lover.

If it's not possible for my lover to let me be used by black men, I would sincerely appreciate a subsitute. Making me suck a black dildo (or fucking me with it) and watch interracial porn while verbally humbling me. 



I feel better now that i let this out into the great wide open. Better, but hornier too.. hehe...