The author at work (F-solo, true)
Leah S.

Feedback, of any sort, is always welcome at leahs31@hotmail.com...

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Well, I get a certain amount of fan mail these days; every so often an email turns up from a reader who enjoyed one of my stories, perhaps with a nice compliment or a story request, and often with some questions about myself. What do I do in my day job, do I write non-smut fiction, and so on and so forth.

Generally I try to answer these questions forthrightly, while preserving a certain amount of necessary anonymity. If asked my age, I'll mention that my email address (leahs31@hotmail.com) actually included my age, 31, when I first signed up for it. (That was about a year ago, so a little mental arithmetic will answer the question.) If asked about my day job or my real name, I'll politely decline to answer, but if asked about my plans for future stories, or my inspirations for the ones I've already written - why, I can certainly answer that. I'll even give my measurements (I've been asked once or twice!).

I was taken aback, however, when I read an email I received last week, from a gentleman we'll call 'Mike'. Mike started off in a rather conventional way, by saying he'd enjoyed the second instalment of Interview with a Fluffer, and he found it hot, and was it really a true story? Then he went on to put some rather indelicate questions. In particular, 'do I get hot writing stories like that', 'do I touch myself', and 'do I jill myself off while writing'. Not content with this, he went on to suggest that I 'cum my pretty little ass off' at the keyboard and indicate that he'd like to watch me 'finger f*** my sopping c***'!

Well, my immediate urge was to press 'delete', but I thought about it for a second, and then decided that at least his first comments deserved responses, and started to write my stock reply about how I was glad he had enjoyed the story and how I couldn't comment on whether it was a real interview or not. I got about halfway through, and then I started to have second thoughts. I shut the computer down and decided to sleep on it.

For actually it's rather a good question, 'do I jill myself off while writing', though an extremely personal one. It is definitely an important aspect of the writing process; one that has a significant effect on the end product. It is also a more complicated question than Mike probably guessed, for reasons I shall go on to explain. It seemed to me, in the end, that Mike deserved some kind of reply of substance, and I sat down to draft one.

And after a while it occurred to me that if Mike was curious then other people probably were too, and that a general post on the subject might be called for. Not only are there interesting issues to explore, but there are difficulties involved with which I might be able to get some help from my public. And so, after thinking about it for another day or so, I sat down to write this article.

So, reader; if somewhat explicit discussion of female masturbation is not your bag, please read no further - but if it is a subject of interest, and particularly if you are in a position to offer suggestions - please continue!

Certainly, masturbating while writing erotic stories is a natural course for both men and women. It has two advantages, which nicely complement each other; firstly, writing the story (which presumably is patterned on the writer's sexual fantasies) creates strong sexual excitement, and secondly because this excitement in turn leads to livelier and sexier writing. It would be disingenuous of me to claim that I had not 'jilled off' on occasion while writing smut, and I doubt many would believe such a claim.

However, things are not nearly as straightforward as you might expect. Now I suspect that most writers of erotic fiction, certainly most writers who would post on a hardcore sex site like ASSM, are male. For men, I expect that masturbation while writing is the norm, and that they see nothing surprising in this. It is a straightforward practice; one hand on the prick, one hand on the keyboard, and both tasks can be achieved, given a minimal amount of coordination.
All very well for them; but this technique is simply not practical for women, most of whom find it very hard to masturbate one-handed. The normal practice of parting the labia while simultaneously stimulating the clitoris uses two hands. (I realise, on rereading this, that I assume this method is normal - perhaps because it is the technique I personally use? - but in fact I have no proof.)

So, then. It is impossible to masturbate with both hands and type at the same time; so much is clear. An alternative technique would be to part one's labia and strum the clit with the same hand, while typing with the other, but this could be expected to be too difficult to manage. Not only would the motions be too difficult to coordinate, but for one who was not a particularly good touch-typist, the visual aspect would be tricky.  - Oh, this passive voice is a pesky way of writing; why don't I just be honest and use the first person. *I* am not a good touch-typist and I can't manage it; dividing my attention between screen, keyboard and 'down there' - my genitals, that is - is simply too distracting.

Some more practical alternative is called for, then, if one is to get one's jollies while writing. The obvious option is for one - for me, in fact! - to take MY hands off the keyboard, sling MY legs over the chair arms (I use a comfortable webbing chair mostly), and to take myself to heaven for a minute or two - then stop and write a paragraph. Rinse and repeat.

This technique has definite advantages (for example, it encourages me to think about what I'm writing, and gives me time to carefully frame my sentences) but it also has two major disadvantages. Firstly, I tend to cool down when I don't have my hands on myself. (To 'lose my erection', to put it in male terms? I think I remember one of the 'Sex and the City' girls using that phrase once - the slutty blonde one, surely.) Pausing every few seconds is just not very satisfactory and it defeats the purpose of the exercise to some extent. And secondly... and I know I've been putting this sentence off, because I just can't think of a nice ladylike way to say it... secondly, when I take my hands off myself they go straight on the keyboard. Do I need to spell out the problem? I suppose I do; the keyboard gets, frankly, sticky. No other way to describe it.

A less messy option is to use some kind of sex toy to stimulate my clitoris while I write. A butterfly vibe, for example; just clip it on, and voila, no-hands pleasure. Not as good as my fingers, but good enough. In practice I might use any combination of the above techniques - none perfect, but adequate in concentration.

Incidentally, another option I've considered and rejected (so don't bother to suggest it!) is to have a sex partner in the room while writing. I simply can't imagine it; I couldn't keep my concentration. (Well, I can imagine it in a sense - I might fantasise about going down on all fours, typing on my trusty laptop while being taken from behind. Or lying along my lover's body while he explores every fold of my labia with his tongue, with the laptop between his open legs, keys clicking just inches from his groin. Though his erection might block my access to the spacebar? A definite problem...) Daydreams aside, I can't believe I could actually summon the concentration to write with someone else in the room. So F-solo it is.

Now, I suppose I should comment on setup. In the first place, privacy is essential. Several hours of privacy, in fact, need to be arranged, since I can write for an entire evening once I get going (and, if particularly aroused, can also masturbate for a similar length of time). The need for totally uninterrupted privacy is especially pressing as all the above self-pleasure options involve being naked from the waist down. Now, men can just unzip or pull their prick through their fly, but the female anatomy rules this out and I simply have to get my pants off. Now I need to be somewhat warm and comfortable to get turned on, so I need to warm up the room ahead of time. I also have to set up my writing station as I like it. I'll fetch some water, some snacks, and then see to my chair.

If in my webbing chair, I like to have an angora blanket or sheepskin rug on the seat. I am a sensual girl and I do enjoy the softness on my bare skin; the feeling of pressing my own fur into the gentle wool and wriggling while I type... An even better position is to be kneeling on the sheepskin on the floor, while working on a laptop set on a fairly high coffee table or adjustable stand. It is more comfortable for my back (though quite bad for my knee joints, which always complain when I finally turn off the computer and stand up), and it also exposes my entire pubic region for easy access. Much easier than using the chair, which involves a certain amount of wriggling. I expect the sheepskin does accumulate a certain amount of my juices over the course of the night, but frankly I'm not too concerned as I find the musky smell is an aid to writing (like Proust's madeleines?).

Body fluids dripping from my fingers onto the keyboard remains a problem, especially as I am not the only one to use this laptop; I try to avoid this issue by using a clear plastic keyboard-cover, which I wash at the end of the night. A quick rinse usually gets rid of the girl cum and any lubricants I may be using.

I'd better pause for a moment and invite comments. Women writers, please let me know if you have a more effective solution to the problems I've described! If it's not too exotic, I might be able to use it as well.

Hmm, scanning up through the document, I'm starting to feel a little embarrassed... well, I'll go on for the mean time, I have several more things to say  -and others I shall have to censor! I suppose I am anonymous, after all, so what's the harm in being candid...

So; next topic. Let's not be coy here; the techniques above all have one drawback. What do they have in common? You guessed it - they're all clitoral. Nice enough in its own way - but how am I supposed to write a pounding sex scene while lightly strumming my love button with the tip of one finger? It's just not enough; it won't provide inspiration for the scene, and it won't scratch my itch. Sometimes, a girl just needs penetration.

About to write the sentence where the hero (or more often in my stories, the villain) plunges his manly spear of love into the helpless body of the heroine? What better way to find inspiration than to rear up and spear two fingers full length into my own vagina! Three fingers, if the hero is particularly well endowed; it helps me sympathise with the heroine's plight, and I have the advantage over her in that I'm soaking wet after writing the foreplay scene. Then all the above problems are solved, in a rather heavenly way; I can pump myself or massage my G-spot, while pecking at the keyboard one-fingered with the other hand. Fortunately, I'm normally right-handed but prefer to penetrate myself with the left hand, so both hands are doing the task they're best fit for; unfortunately, typing capital letters one handed is problematic - but I can always go through and put them in later.

(Are you reading this, Mike? I hope you are, so you know I do 'finger f*** my sopping c***' from time to time, after all. Or, let's not beat around the bush; I finger-fuck my sopping cunt!)

Cool down, Leah; you've a factual article to finish... What I was going to explain is that this principle of life imitating art works in a lot of other situations, too. The best way to write about someone experiencing a situation is to experience it for yourself. (It's the same principle as Method acting, I suppose.) Writing an oral sex scene? No problem. Pull my fingers out of my pussy and shove them into my mouth. Always good for a pause from direct masturbation; one hand is still free to type, while my tongue desperately flicks over the fingers of the other, collecting juices. I imagine it must look a little ridiculous - a grown woman urgently sucking her fingers - but it adds zest to my oral scenes like nothing else. I've sucked a certain amount of cock in the last 17 years, but a reminder of how it feels is always helpful.

Writing about forced oral sex especially benefits from this fingers-in-own-mouth technique. Have you read the forced oral scene in Leah Goes Nightclubbing, where the rapist grabs his pretty redheaded victim by the back of the head and face-fucks her? At the end he pulls out and instantly shoots into her open mouth. Not something I've experienced in real life - but definitely a favorite fantasy of mine. Well, I wrote most of that scene with my fingers stuck in my mouth - and came back to redraft it twice, the same way. Even now, slipping a finger into my mouth is enough to remind me of it, when I'm in bed or writing. I suppose I've created a mental association or fetish in my own mind. The other day I was in a cafe and saw a woman push a finger into her own mouth (did she have something stuck in her back teeth?). I just about swallowed my coffee the wrong way. I swear I lushed into my pants instantly, I just felt the gush. I jilled myself ruthlessly that night. God, so hot.)

In the pursuit of literary realism, I should probably use a dildo rather than my own fingers. I tend to write about well-endowed men - those with a long, thick penis and heavy balls. I suppose that's the sort I prefer to imagine. Two fingers simply won't simulate the effect of such a big cock - a big, black plastic dong would be more the thing. I must try it some time. For self-oral, that is - I already have one for vaginal use. Oh, I should tell you about that, too, I suppose (I can always go back and edit it out later). It is a large toy, a present from a former lover, I don't know what brand. 'Toy' seems quite the wrong word, actually; seven inches of unyielding fuck-shaft is no toy.

I haven't been using this dildo for long - it sat on the bottom of one of my drawers for some years - but on a technical level, it does seem to solve many of the problems I identified earlier. Once warmed up, I can insert it into my vagina - by standing it on my chair (it has a flat base), lowering myself towards it, carefully guiding it between my labia and slowly pressing down, down, down until my naked buttocks touch the seat. I can then begin to write. As I get more turned on I can start to raise and lower on it - look, no hands! This enhances my writing without interrupting it at all. Further, the shaft of the dildo distends and stretches my pussy to such an extent that my outer lips are parted and my clitoris is jutting out. Not only can my erect clitoris be easily stimulated with just one hand, it is also an extremely erotic sight. (I'm starting to want to get the camera and photograph it now. It'd be great eye candy for later masturbation sessions. Maybe I'll send Mike a complementary copy for getting me started on this!)

But the real benefit of the dildo is not merely technical; more importantly, it adds atmosphere. For some time I've been writing a story which is somewhat N/C, to say the least - that is to say, it features sex that might be considered 'non-consensual'. Well, in fact it's totally N/C; the young heroine gets balled against her will, at great length. There's one scene that I keep coming back to; it's proving very difficult to write. Every couple of weeks I decide I should have another go at it. I make some time and then prepare myself for a session of writing - firstly, by booting up the laptop, and secondly setting the dildo next to the computer and carefully stretching a condom onto it. (The villain starts the scene with a condom on, but takes it off partway to enjoy our heroine better. This doesn't really fit the storyline, now that I come to think of it; I probably just wrote it that way because I like the condom on the dildo; somehow it seems to transform an inanimate object into a sexual partner.) I open the document, find my place and start writing. I set the scene, bring the characters together. Through all this the dark, sheathed cock stands next to the keyboard, a potent sexual reminder. My cunt muscles are starting to flutter, knowing what they're in for, but I make myself wait. I can't receive the fuck-tool until the very moment when my heroine is brutally entered! I get through the introductory scenes - now he's kissing her, forcing his tongue into her mouth, pulling her clothes off, squeezing her tits - she's squealing but there's no one to hear - he's on top of her, feeling her young body, pushing her legs open, his cock is pushing at her pretty virginal entrance, far too big to penetrate - oh God! he's in!

I grab the dildo and force it into myself about half a second after I hit the final period of the sentence. So hard, the glans driving right to her cervix, my cervix. I want to write, to tell what I'm feeling, but it's too intense, I'm up on my knees, the shaft sticking out behind me, my bottom clenching in pleasure. I reach back and pump myself. Reach forward for the keys, type 'he thrusts into her', give up. Pinch my nipples (his mouth there!), slide my hands down my tummy and between my thighs, grab the cock and pump myself again. Reaching back, squeezing my bottom brutally (his hands plundering her ass!). So hot, losing control...

Some time later, I end up lying on the floor, all pretence of writing gone, ecstatically driving the cock into myself with both hands. I shiver through an intense, almost painful orgasm... then slowly get up, clean the cock and myself, close the document without saving and drag myself off to bed. (Did I mention I've been writing this story for some time? Is the reason I'm not getting far becoming clear?)

(And yes, I am jilling now, if you must know. Fingers only though. Technique 'B' above.)

The above paragraph illustrates another problem; it is possible to cum too early. Don't believe everything you read about multi-orgasmic women; I can usually orgasm only once per session (except when I get stimulated in certain ways which I shan't go into right now). So, if I get carried away by my own writing and bring myself off, that's pretty much it for the night. This is awkward. (Though it can have good side effects - it lets me go through the text with a clear head and check things like grammar and spelling.)

I ought to stop here; I've told you more than enough already. I should quit and post this to ASSTR - or perhaps just delete the file and go to bed? ...But there's something more I want to write, another secret to tell.. and I want to. I shouldn't - but what the hell...

If you've read my stories you must have noticed a bit of an anal theme going on. 'Leah goes nightclubbing' started it off, with the redhead being deeply sodomised while the anonymous narrator watches from hiding and jills herself to orgasm; it continued in a flash-fic story I wrote for the festival last year, and then in a cute little dialog piece called 'First Date'. This is a lovely story if I say so myself; a man is invited on a hot date with a mystery partner - which turns out to be his girlfriend's asshole. He woos 'her', gives 'her' a massage, kisses her, caresses her, and eventually has his way with her. (Woohoo; home base on the first date!)

Flash (very short) fiction seems easy but in reality it takes a lot of work to get right. You will, I hope, have noticed the care with which 'First Date' was crafted; each line of dialog has been through several rewrites. What you won't have seen was the equally loving and meticulous attention which I paid to preparing myself for each writing session.

I would clean myself thoroughly as the laptop booted, then go to the computer and ease myself into the chair. Both legs went over the armrests, and I shimmied forward until my bottom was exposed. I would warm up with a couple of porn story sites - 'Sodom Tales' is always reliable, or perhaps a picture site or two; anything showing naked girls would do, if their pretty butts were on show. During this time I'd not only be jilling but also tickling and teasing myself around my butt with one fingertip. I think I mentioned I'm a sensuous girl; I love the feeling of flirting with my own ass; touching gently, circling, slowly rubbing in warm oil or lube. I like to part my cheeks and stare at my glistening pucker.

Then I would close down the browser and open my story in progress. I'd read and reread it, scrolling up and down, whispering the dialogue to myself to test its 'feel' - the lewd invitations, pillow talk. Here and there I'd consider a rewording, a line that added little and could be discarded or a narrative gap that needed to be bridged. And during all this I'd be easing one amorous finger into my own quivering ass - slowly filling myself up. (The first time round I gloved myself with a condom; but before long I plucked it off and tossed it away; I needed to feel my hot, clinging rectum. In later sessions I went bare-handed from the start.)

And then, when my ass was totally sexualised, I'd finally reach the keyboard and start to type - while pumping myself slowly, enjoying the intense fullness, thumbing my clit. I'd drag it out as long as possible, savoring the flow of words and the self-fuck, and when I'd run out of inspiration or patience, I'd push my chair back, draw my knees up to my chest, gently but remorselessly push my finger in to the third knuckle, and rub myself to completion. (This is what I mean when I say 'finishing a story to my own satisfaction'.)

I wished during one session that I had a set of love beads; I could have slowly packed them into my rectum, one by one, then slung the string over my shoulder, taken it between my teeth, and slowly tugged it - while typing with both hands (aha!). I'd be slowly fighting my own most intimate resistance. Would I allow myself one bead per paragraph? Or would that be too indulgent?

This sort of gentle self-love is all very well. But one of these days I'm bound to write another non-consensual anal scene, and I'm getting worried about what I'll end up doing to myself. I have disjointed memories of writing the anal scene in Leah Goes Nightclubbing - hunched over the keyboard, panting, punishing my ass with two invading fingers, palm slapping against my buttocks. Sweat dripping from my tits, plipping onto the keys. Spasms of pleasure. Next time, will I let myself get away with a mere fingering? Won't I, rather, forcibly fuck myself with a plastic cock to match the rapist's? How long will it take my poor orifices to recover from that? And what if it's a bondage scene; will I end up like my heroine, ankles tied together, panties crammed into my mouth? Chaining myself to the chair and throwing away the key?

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I'm going to post this now, while I'm still on a sexual high and before I lose the courage. Here's to you, 'Mike', and I hope your questions are answered.

Yours, L.

(leahs31@hotmail.com)
