
Preying Mantis: Black Widow

by Lotuseater

Music: Saint-Saen's "Danse Macabre" plays up
in the background.

Announcer: She hunts the biggest game - gangsters, thugs and outlaws who
threaten our way of life.  With her faithful aide Junko, Kitt Meade,
beautiful socialite, courts danger.  Join the Mantis in the thrilling
adventure of The Black Widow.

Theme up.

FX: High heels rapidly approaching.  Elevator chimes, elevator door slides
open.

Mary: "Oh, good morning, Miss Meade. Gosh, ya look swell today!"

Kitt: "Thank you, Mary.  How's tricks?"

Mary: "Oh, ya know.  Same old thing.  Sam - ya remember Sam, he's my
fi-an-see - he got himself into a little trouble with his landlord on
account of his bulldog pup chewin' up the draperies and, well, he might get
himself evicted if he's not careful and - gee, here we are on twenty-one
already and I didn't even get ta ask ya where ya got that great
sunburn."

FX: Elevator chime, door opens.  High heels click.

Kitt: "Tahiti, Mary.  Ta-ta!"

Mary: "Oh, Tahiti!  Boy, you rich people sure have the life!
You know, I've never been outside Gardner City myself, no sirree (door
slides closed, voice gradually recedes)..."

Kitt: "Hello, Sally."

Sally: "Good morning, Miss Meade.  How are you today?"

Kitt: (sighs) "Well, I guess you'd better put in a call to Mr. Peterson
at
the Gardner Arms and tell him to replace the draperies in Sam Grogan's
apartment at my expense, before Mary chews my ear off."

Sally: (chuckling) "On behalf of the entire Daily Guardian
staff, I thank you!"

Kitt: (laughing) "Other than that, what's on the menu for today,
Sally?"

Sally: "Your first appointment, Miss Arachne LaFontaine.  She's already
in
your office."

Kitt: "Thanks, Sal."

FX: Door opening.

Kitt: "Good morning, Miss LaFontaine."

Arachne: (French accent) "Bonjour, Mademoiselle Meade.
I am enchantee to meet you at last, after all I 'ear
about ze beautiful Miss Meade.  I see zey did not do
you ze justice!"

Kitt: "Well!  May I say that your words are as lovely as
you, Miss LaFontaine..." (aside) "Wonder what she wants?"

Arachne: "Please - call me Arachne, all my friends do."

Kitt: "All right, Arachne.  Did you have some business with me or with
the
Daily Guardian?"

Arachne: "Do you mind if I smoke?"

FX: Cigarette case snaps open.

Kitt: (intrigued) "No, go right ahead.  What can I do for
you?"

FX: Match striking, continued hissing.

Arachne: "Ahh, nussing much, eet ees a small personal matter, a - 'ow
you
say, a trifle?  A tiny favor, s'il vous plait?"

FX: Loud pop.

Kitt: "Oh!  That dart...hitting me in the neck...uhhh..."

FX: Body thudding to carpet

Arachne: "You weel please be unconscious?  Ahh, that ees
much bettair.  Now, to work."

FX: Clothing rustling

Arachne: "Let me loosen your blouse so you may breathe freely, cherie.
An'
ze bettair to 'andcuff your wrists be'ind your back, la.  Et, tiens.  You
'ave tasted the Black Widow's bite, and now for ze smelling salts."

FX: Glass ampoule snapping

Kitt: (groggily) "What...what happened? I...feel so...wait,
now I remember - Arachne!  That mask - what?"

Arachne: (sinister laugh) "Welcome back, ma chere.  You
'ave met my associate Arachne LaFontaine.   Now permit me
to introduce - the Black Widow!"

FX: Dramatic sting

Kitt: (struggling) "If I could get my hands on you -"

Arachne: "But it is useless to struggle, ma petite.  Your
bonds are of the finest American steel."

Kitt: (edgily) "All right, you've got me.  What is it you
want, ransom?"

Arachne: (sneering) "Nussing so mundane, mademoiselle.  No,
as ze owner and editor of ze Daily Guardian, you
can perform a service for ze Black Widow - you can announce
the biggest crime wave to strike Gardner City in 'istory!"

Kitt: "If I was only free -"

Arachne: "Oh, mais c'est impossible ma pauvre. 'Owever you
give me ze ideas, ma belle.  You cannot get ze 'ands on ze
Black Widow, but she..."

FX: Zipper

Kitt: "What - what are you -- hey - mmmmm! Mmmmm! Mm!"

Arachne: "Ahh, what divine treasures you 'ide beneath all
zose confining clothes!  Anuzzer kiss, I think?"

Kitt: (gasping) "You...you...have me at a disadvantage,
Black Widow.  I'll give you just two hours to stop that..."

Arachne: "Zen we've lots of time.  First I slide your
skirt down like so...my, your legs are quite shapely...
I see you like to shave down zere as do I...hmmmm...
your titons, zey are very nice as well, n'est ce-pas?"

Kitt: (moaning) "Uhh...your...tongue...is...extremely...
talented...Widow...oh!"

Arachne: "Merci!  You are so, so, so wet, so soon!  And your
nipples, zey are as 'ard as bullets, mon petit chou.
Bon, you are ready for me, I sink.  Let me remove my
outer garments - Voila!  You see ze bustier of ze Black
Widow."

Kitt: (very aroused) "Mmm...nice.  I've got one or two
outfits of my own you might like to see sometime, Widow."

Arachne: "Anuzzer time, perhaps.  Now I'll just kneel
over your face like so...yes, you are clever to grasp
my meaning so quickly, Mees Meade...yess...yesss...ahh,
that ees...Mon Dieu!"

Kitt: (lapping and slurping) "Mmmm...you taste much better..."
(smacking
lips) "...than I expected...you
know, I've never eaten a Frenchwoman before.  They're
rather tasty, actually..." (muffled grunting)

Arachne: (moaning) "Uhhh...ohh...a...common...mistake...
I...am...not...French...but...oh!  oh!  oh! I am -
CANADIENNE! Oh! OH!" (yelling)

Kitt: (aside) "I don't know whether I should be
grateful or sore that I spent a fortune soundproofing
this office..." (louder) "All right, Widow, how about
you release me on my word of honor, so you can return
the favor?"

Arachne: (laughing)  "Ah, cherie, you are very droll,
yes?  Of course, I shall be delighted to return ze
favor, but, malheureusement, eet weel be weeth your
'ands as zey are, be'ind your beautiful back."

Kitt: (slyly) "Wellll...at least you could use my
preferred toys?"

Arachne: (with interest) "Toys - where are zese toys?
Tell me!"

Kitt: (relieved) "With pleasure!  Go to my desk, bottom
left hand drawer..."

FX: High heels clicking

Arachne: "Zis one?"

Kitt: "Yes, that's the one.  Open it."

Arachne: "All right, but I warn you, no tricks, or-"

FX: Loud whoosh

Arachne: "-it weel go ze worse for you...uhhh...gassss..."

FX: Thud

Kitt:  "Black Widow, meet Mantis Gas.  Now, I'll just
slip my arms under my bottom...now the legs...there!
Good thing I'm double-jointed.  She won't mind if I
borrow a hairpin for a few seconds...there!  Free!"

FX: Clothing rustling.

Kitt: "Now this should be interesting..."

FX: Zipper

Theme up

Announcer: "Once again, the Preying Mantis triumphs over
the enemies of freedom and democracy.  Join us next
week for another exciting adventure of the Preying Mantis!"

END
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