The following story contains some explicit sexual material.
Though not blatantly pornographic, reader discretion is advised. Were this a movie, it would probably gain an R rating.
This story was written as an exploration of character and while
it might be considered erotic, the intent was to delve into
the minds of the characters rather than to sexually arouse the
reader. If you are looking for that you should look elsewhere.
However, if you are offended by sexuality, you should look
somewhere else as well.
 
This story is Copyright 2000, Krystoff Vagabond. It may be
freely redistributed as long as it remains completely intact
and unmodified (including these headers). I welcome comments
and criticism. Please send any thoughts you have on the
story to kvagabond@mailcity.com
 
You may find other stories of mine at:
http://www.asstr.org/~kvagabond
Take a look and tell me what you think.
 
          -Krystoff
 
 
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Felicia: A Love Story

     After  all  these years, I still come back here.  After
all  this time, I still return once a year, and I will until
the day I die. Every year, the same day. September 17th, the
most important day of my life.
     I still remember the first time I walked into this bar.
I was a young man then, but in all these years its still the
same.  It's  funny looking back and thinking about  yourself
when you were young. It's funny to think of yourself in your
twenties. So alive. So vital. So full of hope. I was a young
man  then and I was on top of the world. I look back now and
I  realize that I had not yet begun to live. The things that
mattered so much then seem to mean so little now.
     It  was the first time I had been in St. Louis.  I  was
there on business. It was my first meeting with the Williams
and Company people. The most important thing in my life then
was  to get that contract signed. And I knew I was going  to
get it signed. I could feel it in my toes. I was only twenty-
seven then. I had only been in business for myself for  just
over  a  year and the Williams and Company contract was  the
biggest  that I had seen in that time. I was so prepared.  I
had  researched the company for nearly two months  before  I
ever  even contacted them. I had spent three weeks preparing
that contract. I had rehearsed my introduction thousands  of
times  on  the  train to St. Louis. "Hello Mr. Williams.  So
nice  to meet you, sir." "Hello Mr. Williams. I am very much
looking  forward to doing business with you."   "Hello,  Mr.
Williams.  I  can't  wait to show you how  my  services  can
increase your profits." I was so prepared. I was so ready to
take  on the world. Back then, Williams and Company was  the
most  important thing there was in the world to  me.  Today,
"Williams"  is  just a name. I couldn't even tell  you  what
they did.
     Felicia  isn't a name. It's so much more.  It's  music.
It's poetry. It's the very definition of beauty. Nothing  on
earth could have prepared me for the first moment I saw her.
There  were  no words I could have rehearsed. There  was  no
paperwork  I  could have filed. There were no  reports  that
could  have  debriefed me. Nothing in my twenty-seven  years
had  prepared  me for that moment. The moment she  stole  my
breath away. I haven't regained it since.
     I'd been travelling cheaply to keep my expenses down.
The small motel I was staying in didn't have its own bar  so
I  had gone across the street to get a drink. I so thought I
needed one. Some naive part of me had honestly believed that
I'd sell Mr. Williams on the retainer in just a few hours at
that  first meeting, and it was no small disappointment when
I  didn't. I was crushed. Part of me thought I was doomed  -
that my entire operation was going to fold, but I knew all I
needed was a scotch to put me back on my feet. That's all  I
thought I needed. But I was so wrong.
     That  moment.  The  first moment that  I  learned  what
beauty  meant. That image will be burned in my mind forever.
Five tiny little fingers. The most perfect fingers that  god
had  ever  created  wrapped around a small  cocktail  glass.
That's all I saw at first. Not breasts. Not legs. Not  eyes.
Not even a smile. Just five little fingers wrapped around  a
glass.  That was all I needed. Ten seconds earlier  I  would
sworn  to God Almighty himself that there was no such  thing
as  love at first sight. Forty-seven years later and  I  can
tell you that there is really no other kind.
     I  didn't talk to her at first. I know it sounds silly,
but  for  the  longest time, I just sat there in  my  booth,
watching  her sip that strawberry daiquiri. It really  never
occurred  to  me to approach her. The moment  was  just  too
perfect.  I  wanted  it  to last forever.  She  was  like  a
beautiful  painting. A graceful ballet. I would sooner  have
died  than interrupt the performance. I would have laid down
my life before I marred that image.
     I  didn't  die, and the moment didn't last  forever.  I
honestly  don't  know how long it lasted.  It  was  probably
several  minutes.  In  my mind, I remember  it  being  days.
Everything else had faded away.
     Who  made  the first move? I don't remember approaching
her;  I  don't  remember her walking over  to  me.  I  don't
remember  what  we spoke about. What I do  remember  is  her
voice. Soft as goose down. Sweet as nectar. I remember being
there for hours as I listened to her talk. Listening to  her
voice.  Just loving to hear her speak. That night, I thought
that  I  knew  everything there was to  know  about  Felicia
Martinez,  but  for the forty-three years that  followed,  I
don't  think  there  was a single day that  I  didn't  learn
something new.
     Forty-three years. They seem like ten seconds  compared
to  the four that I have been through since. But then  there
are nights like tonight where I think back and remember, and
each second seems to last an eternity.
     I'm  back at the motel and I open the door to my  room.
Room  317. Our room. A bed the size of the one that I  slept
in  when  I  was  a child. Wallpaper that faded  and  turned
yellow  decades  ago. Two chairs and a  table  that  do  not
match.  I  see  the  crack in one of the tiny  windows  that
hasn't  been repaired in the two years since I first noticed
it.  Tonight,  as it has been every September 17th  for  the
past forty-seven years, this room is the penthouse suite.
     I close my eyes and I'm twenty-seven years old, a young
man  with  the most beautiful girl I have ever  seen  by  my
side. I lead her into the small room and take her coat.  She
looks around nervously as I watch her. "Don't worry," I say,
a  little  unsure of myself. She smiles that crooked  little
smile  that  I  have  always loved and tells  me  she's  not
worried at all. I know she is because I am too.
     I  kiss her bare white shoulder very gently as I  slide
the strap of her summer dress down. I feel her quiver at the
touch  of  my breath as she releases a small sigh.  Again  I
reassure  her that everything will be all right  as  I  take
those  small perfect fingers in my hand. She squeezes and  I
squeeze back. I find her lips with mine and we engage in our
first  kiss. My eyes close and I imagine that we are falling
together  through the clouds. Hand in hand a smile  on  both
our  faces,  falling or soaring, like eagles; I'm  not  sure
which. But in the sky, the only people alive. This moment  -
forever.
     We  touch down and I open my eyes to find us lying side
by  side.  She opens her eyes when I pull away my lips.  Our
bodies entwined in scandalous fashion, improper for a couple
not  yet  married. Ten times so for one who only  met  hours
ago.  I  notice my hand upon her breast and issue my apology
as  I  draw it away. "It's okay," she whispers to me as  she
tightens her grip behind my neck.
     "But," I try to protest once more.
     "Shhh  it's  okay,"  Felicia  whispers  again  as  she
silences me with another kiss.
     I've  seen  a  naked woman before. I was seventeen  and
Jimmy.  Jimmy. I can't remember his last name. Jimmy  and  I
went  to  the  peep  show  after school.  I  remember  being
nervous.  I  remember  being almost frightened.  I  remember
Jimmy laughing at me when my excitement got the better of me
and I ejaculated in my trousers. I remember my confession to
Father Delgado barely an hour later. I remember my apologies
and my prayers to God for forgiveness.
     But  here and now. Fornication. Premarital sin.  And  I
know  the Lord cannot disapprove. Never had anything  in  my
life  felt  so  right as holding Felicia's head  against  my
chest.  She  sits up and those tiny perfect  fingers  slowly
fumble with each button on the front of her dress. I have no
words. I dare not even breathe. She takes one last look into
my  eyes  as I try to tell her she doesn't have to do  this.
She  closes her eyes and our gaze is broken as she pulls her
dress down and exposes her breasts.
     "It's okay, It's okay" she keeps telling me. Reassuring
me  that the pain is not too bad. Comforting me the way that
I should be comforting her. "It's okay," she says as I press
our  bodies together. Her face betrays her pain. I brush her
cheek and lift away a tear. "I love you, Felicia" I say  for
the  very first time, and I feel her fingers run through the
back of my hair as we make love till morning.
     I  still feel her fingers running through my hair. Hair
that  I  haven't had for over twelve years. I close my  eyes
and  I still see those slender fingers and those milky white
shoulders, I lie alone, naked in a bed too small for me  now
and  too  small for the two of us then. Alone, but  still  I
feel her lying here with me.

 
 
-Krystoff
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||  "Booze, sex, prayer  --  whatever gets you through the night."   ||
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