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************************ WARNING ************************
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* The following text contains written descriptions of   *
* sexual acts between adults, children and adults with  *
* children.  If it is illegal for you to read acts of   *
* this nature, or if you are under age, please stop     *
* reading right now.                                    *
*                                                       *
* This story is a work of fiction.  Any similarities to *
* actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.*
*                                                       *
* (c) 2003-2005, Kenn Ghannon.  All rights reserved.      *
* Any republication or retransmission of this document, *
* severally or collectively, without the author's       *
* express written permission is prohibited.             *
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Chapter 5: Hope and Love...

"How far do you figure you traveled?" Jan asked me.  At first, I didn't answer.  I didn't want to answer.  I wanted to believe this was all some bad dream and that eventually I'd wake up.  Deep inside, though, I knew the truth.

The beach groups had been running low on water, so we decided to return to the lake where Jamie, Beth and I had camped the previous night.  It was a long, difficult walk, and the lake had been pretty hard to find as we stumbled around in the dark.  Luckily, we arrived more or less intact -- at least physically.  Mentally, however, was another matter.

During that interminable march, the dark curtain of hopelessness was inexorably being pulled around me, coating me in its filth.  With each passing step I had felt it slowly circling on the edge of my sanity.  As it took hold of me, I took less and less notice of my surroundings, feeling my hold on reality evaporating.  I could tell that I was spiraling down, further and further, being drawn into some dark pit where I would never be able to escape.  As it pulled me; as I fell through despair I wanted to cry and scream and rage at God and all the powers of the universe - but I held it in and in doing so accelerated into that void.  By the time we finally reached the lake, I wasn't sure there was anything left of me.

I set up camp with the others automatically, paying no real attention to what I was doing.  I felt cold and alone, and somehow I found that comforting.

After, I sat myself by the lake, the darkness of its waters inviting me into that cool slumber that none ever return from.  Just as I had made up my mind to do it, to dive beneath the dark surface and never come up, Jan had sat beside me.  For the briefest of moments an irrational urge to strike out at her had begun to overwhelm me.  As soon as I saw her face, though, I began to grow calm.  I couldn't explain it, but just the presence of her beside me helped me to maintain my personality.  The comfort I received from her steadied me, and I just sat quietly.

"Michael?" Jan asked again, her voice questioning.

"I don't know," I responded mechanically, my voice sounding distant and cold.  I looked behind me to the campfire at the sleeping faces of young women tucked in their blankets and I envied them.  I didn't even have the strength to fall asleep.  "Average walking speed is what?  5 miles per hour?  Taking the terrain into consideration, we maybe did 2.  We traveled about 20 hours between the two days so...what, 40 miles?  Then we can't be sure we went in a straight line so that makes it somewhere between 30 and 40, I guess."

"So...we'll say 35 miles across," Jan continued, seemingly oblivious to my state of mind.  "Talking to Holly when she made her turns - we were both watching the sun, thank God - we figure it's about 40 to 50 miles long, taking into account the island isn't really rectangular at all."

"What does it matter, Jan?"  I replied morosely.  I turned to look at her, her face a mystery in the shadows of the fire light.  "You were right.  We're fucking lost.  We have no clue where we are so how can anyone else?  We got blown way the fuck off course - they just aren't going to find us."  I turned, trying desperately to lose myself in the dark emptiness of the nearby lake.

The silence grew until it towered above us and threatened to crush us under its weight.  In the depths of my depression, I didn't mind.  I wanted it to obliterate me because in death I wouldn't have to think or feel.  The past 5 days had taken their toll on me and I was finally ready to admit defeat.

I heard her breath catch and I turned toward her.  I still couldn't see her eyes, but I could see the glistening of tears on her cheek.  I'd known Jan nearly six years and I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I'd seen her cry.  As far as I knew, I'd never been the cause of her tears before.  All of a sudden, the emptiness inside of me filled with pain and remorse.  Jan was my best friend, to hurt her like this was more than I wanted to bear.

"You're being a selfish son of a bitch, you know that?" she whispered to me, her voice set low and jagged by the stuffiness of her nose.  "What does it matter?  There are 18 other people on this island besides you and all of them are scared out of their minds.  With few exceptions, you don't see them wallowing in self-pity, do you?

"Michael, they need you.  *I* need you.  There's no way we survive out here without you."

I sat silently, guiltily, not knowing what to say.  For a moment, I flushed in anger.  How could she say these things to me?  She had no idea what I was going through.  She had no idea how bad I felt, how responsible I felt.  How dare she accuse me of being selfish!

I opened my mouth to scream at her, but the words wouldn't come.  Suddenly, I realized that she was right.  I was being selfish, thinking only of how I felt and what I needed.  I paused for a moment longer, measuring my words.  

"Jan, I'm scared and I guess I'm not sure how to deal with it...," I began, but she cut me off almost before I could get going.

"You're scared?  What about the rest of our group?  Don't you think they're scared?  What about me?  Don't you think I'm scared?  But I do my best to hide it because I realize that we're the adults.  The rest of the kids are looking to us to figure out how they should feel, how they should act.  I have to show them that there's hope, no matter how hopeless I feel.  I have to show them a brave face so that their despair doesn't get any worse.

"Not you, though.  You just wallow in it and to hell with the rest of us.  They look to us, Mike, and they gauge us for how much trouble we're in.  So when any of us so-called 'grown ups' act like you've been acting - close mouthed, angry at the world, scared - then that's how they're going to be.  Because they think, god help them, that we know what we're doing."

Her sniffling rebuke over, she got up angrily preparing to leave.

"Janice, stop.  I'm sorry..."

"You still don't get it, Mike.  You don't get to be sorry.  You don't get to be mad or upset or hurt or anything.  Because we all catch on to it when you do.  You've got to be our strength because some of us...."  The tears started anew and her body shook.  "...some of us can't keep this up."

I stood and pulled her to me, her head huddled into my chest as the sobs broke over her.  I suddenly realized that her tears were only partially at me and partially at her own armor, which was beginning to crumble around her.  Like me, Jan was terrified and although she had put up a good front for all of us, the strain of maintaining that illusion was beginning to wear at her.

Jan and I had always made a good piloting team, mostly because we could genuinely trust one another.  I depended on her more than I cared to admit and she depended on me in return.  That dynamic worked perfectly until now.  I realized that Jan wasn't capable of holding us both up and neither was I.  We could get through this together but if one of us spiraled into depression it would all fall apart.  The strain of this whole ordeal was just too great for one person.

In short, my weakness had failed her and she couldn't pull me up by herself this time.  If the situations were reversed, I was sure the result would have been the same.  Only by being strong individually and collectively would we survive this whole thing intact.

My heart was in my throat as I finally realized just what an ass I had been.  Fiercely, I pulled Jan to me as if I could drive the fear and pain from her just by my contact.  I was trying desperately to save her, and in doing so I saved myself.  The despair fled from the myriad of emotions raging through me.  But one above all stood out...and that single emotion scared me like no other.

"It's okay, Jan.  I won't let you down," I whispered, my arms tight around her.  I tried my best to comfort her.  I hoped it would be enough.

"I know, Mikey.  I'm just being such a girl.  It's just on the walk to this place you seemed so...without hope, you know?  It wasn't until that moment that I really understood what a difficult pickle we were in."

"I just had some things to work out.  I didn't think through how my actions were affecting everyone else."

Slowly, by mutual agreement, we sat back on the sand.  Jan huddled into me, more for comfort than cold.  My arm stayed around her, holding her to me, because it felt right.  More right than I had felt in a very long time.  Together, I felt a strange sort of peace settle around us.  I couldn't be sure, but I think she felt it too because her tears tapered off and a small contented sigh broke from her lips.

I don't know how long we sat quietly like that, each of us lost in our own thoughts.  The feeling of Jan's arms around me, holding me filled me with a contentment that I had never experienced before.  I just felt, suddenly, that this was how things belonged.  That as long as I could hold on to her and she could hold on to me, everything was going to be alright.  It was a strange feeling but one that I never wanted to end.

"I could stay like this forever," I heard her whisper under her breath mimicking my own thoughts.  Her tone seemed both surprised and hesitant.

"I know how you feel," I whispered back, hoping to find the words to comfort her.  "There's something about this lake that's so...tranquil that it fills you with peace."

"That isn't quite what I meant, Mike," she replied, the hesitancy in her voice growing.  She paused then, a stutter escaping from her as she began and stopped speaking several times.  "The hell with it.  I might as well continue being a girl."  She muttered, more to herself than me.  Her voice had an uncharacteristic tone of self-recrimination to it.

"Why have you never...you know...asked me out, Mikey?" she asked, her voice unnaturally light and tentative.

I wasn't quite expecting that question and for a moment I stumbled with it.  I began stuttering out a half-baked answer but I fell silent.  Jan deserved the truth from me but I didn't know what the truth was.

The moment turned to two and then three as I searched within me for the answer.  "At first," I began thoughtfully, my eyes once again staring out into the darkness, trying to think through my answer, "I think it was because of the laughter.  Everyone laughed about how I had hired you because I wanted to sleep with you.  Even in my own mind, I was afraid that your beauty had had something to do with it."  I could feel Jan's body tense in my arms.  That she was beautiful had been something of a curse to her; people - both men and women -- had been reluctant to get close to her, always holding her at arms length.  Similarly, employers had been afraid to hire her because of what others thought.  It's strange, really, how the stunningly beautiful people get placed on this pedestal.  I guess it says something about our own self-perceived inadequacies - like we think we're just not good enough.  Or maybe it's because we worry about how we might compare when placed in the same picture.

"Every time I'd watch you fly, though," I continued.  "I *knew* why I hired you.  You fly like you belong up in the air.  When you're up there, you become a part of the plane.  So, I started thinking less about what others thought and just accepted that I had found an exceptional pilot."

"Why, then..." she began, but I cut her off.  I wanted to get through this because the answer I had found in my mind had been tentative - like I was somehow lying to myself.

"After that...well, I was your boss.  I was worried that if I made a pass at you, you might find it uncomfortable to work for me."  I laughed a little under my breath.  "And I needed you.  You, as much as anyone, are responsible for how well business is doing.  I didn't want to risk you leaving because I'd be hard pressed to replace you - at least, that's what I told myself.  Sometimes, though, I can be good at lying to myself.

"In the end, I suppose the real reason I haven't asked you out is because of our friendship.  I value that pretty highly and I didn't want to gamble with it."

I finished, though I felt like I were leaving some integral piece out of my rationalization.  I struggled for a moment trying to catch the elusive thought, but it was in vain.  For her part, Jan just sat quietly for a moment, her body slowly relaxing.

"What about Erica?" she asked softly.  There was something in her voice, an undertone that I couldn't quite place.  It was as if she knew the answer to the question before she asked it and was afraid of how I might respond.

"What about Erica?" I asked, puzzled.  "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Erica's your friend, isn't she?  What did you call it?" she paused, thinking to herself.  "Friends with benefits?  She's your friend and you had no trouble asking her out."

Erica was a woman I had known -- no pun intended - for about 4 years now.  We had become something of an item at first but the fire had slowly cooled.  I think we ran out of things to say to one another.  It was weird, we would never talk when we dated - going to movies or concerts, seeming to look for those events that would preclude us from having to speak to one another.  Eventually we had become nothing more than a convenience.

We split for a while but the split had never seemed to quite take.  Funny, but once the pressure of dating was over we would talk for hours.  Nothing concrete, just how we were doing, things going on in our lives.  Sometimes we'd meet for coffee or to go shopping, but it always ended up in bed.  We were friends who just happened to sleep with one another.  Even after she got married two years ago, we'd wind up between the sheets about once a month or so.

"Jan, you're not like Erica," I began, but it was the wrong thing to say.  I felt her tense up again, closing off from me.

"Oh?  I'm not good enough or something?" she began dangerously, but I just held her tight and corrected her.

"It's nothing like that...and I think you know it.  Erica is...wild.  She's...God, I don't know how to explain it.  Loose.  Wanton.  Nasty.  Nothing quite seems to fit. But you're not any of those things.  You're sweet and kind.  Funny.  Witty.  Gentle.

"Jan, Erica is a friend.  But you...you're my best friend.  You're the person I depend on more than anyone else.  If Erica were to move away or pull herself out of my life, I suppose I'd be sad about it for a little while, but I'd get over it.  It wouldn't affect me that much.  If it were you, though...it would crush me.  It would hurt me for a very long time.  Maybe I was just being selfish again, but I didn't want to have to deal with pain like that.  Does that help explain it?"

She nodded and we lapsed back into silence for a while.  I don't quite know how long, though, because time just didn't seem to exist while I held her.  It was strange but it felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

"You know," Jan began with a whisper.  "I told my mom about you.  After the first few weeks on the job I called her and told her I had found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  Silly, huh?"  I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't.  "Remember her birthday a few years back, I asked you to fly her over from Texas?  It was a ruse.  I wanted her to meet you but I didn't want you to know why.  She said you were quite a catch...and she was SOO right...but you weren't caught yet.

"I tried everything I could think of to get you to take notice of me.  All of the things I had always thought were holding me back, I tried to use on you.  I started dressing a little more provocatively around you.  I began brushing against you.  Giving you kisses on the cheek.  God!  I was trying so hard to seduce you...and you never even caught on.  I even started dating Rory to try and get you jealous."

She made a little tsking sound.  "But you never seemed to catch on.  I began wondering if you were gay.  I guess that was a little for my own ego because I saw the women you dated.  Then, I wondered if I weren't attractive enough or something.  I had always seen my beauty as something that was holding me back and the one time that I thought it would come to good use you never even seemed to notice it.

"I had never wanted to date people that much, because I knew that they were just dating my body...not me.  But I find a guy who seems to be genuinely interested in me...who finally saw the real me and not just the skin I was born with.  Someone who liked me for me, and he couldn't seem to notice I existed."

There was a strain in her voice, almost like tears but not quite.  It was strange and compelling, but - as seemed usual for me lately - I was at a loss for words.  My thoughts jumbled, I took a stab at trying to explain.

"Jan, I..." but her hand covered my mouth cutting me off.

"Shh."  She rose and I thought she was going to leave.  I wanted to stop her, but her hand never left my mouth.  Her leg crossed over my out-stretched ones and she was suddenly straddling my lap.

"Mikey, you are my best friend.  You've *always* seemed to be my best friend.  I can barely remember a time in my life that you haven't been there.  You are the one I turn to when I need, or I'm sad, or I just don't want to be alone.  The only person I've ever met that cares about how beautiful *I* am and not just how beautiful I look.  But I'm not going to hide from the way I feel any more.  I'm tired of hinting and watching you.  I'm tired of wanting you."

She pulled herself closer and I could feel the wonderful swell of her butt slowly grinding into my crotch.  "If you ask me to, I'll leave now.  If you want me to, I will get up and we can pretend this never happened.  You really are my best friend and I don't ever, ever want that to change that...but I really think that best friends might just make the best lovers."

Her hand left my mouth, but my lips barely had a chance to feel the slight chill of the night air before her lips were on my own.  For the briefest of moments, I resisted.  I kept thinking about what this would do to our friendship.  I kept thinking about whether this was the right thing to do.  In short, I kept thinking...and I realized that I tended to think way too much.

Her body tensed with the delay of my response.  She was beginning to pull her lips back, when I placed my hands on either side of her face and pulled her closer.  My tongue licked gently at her lips for a moment before they parted and I slowly invaded her mouth.  I felt the warmth of her against me and I knew bliss.

All of the feelings I had repressed for so long finally came flooding to the surface, and I knew that this was not only what I wanted but something I should have done a long time ago.  The moments seemed to stretch on to eternity, and yet the kiss broke far too soon.

"Wow," she whispered to me, her right hand gently stroking my face.  "I've wanted to do that for a very long time."

Once again, I said nothing.  I looked straight into her eyes and pulled her closer, my lips searching for her own.

I nibbled at the edges of her lips, my heart thudding in my chest.  I trailed my left hand down, under her right hand which remained stroking my cheek, and I felt it brush against the soft flesh of her breast.  She tensed momentarily, but I didn't know if it was in fear or in lust.

My lips moved to her jawline as my left arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer.  I traced her jawline to her ear with my lips, slowly moving them further and further up.  Her arms moved to my waist, holding me, not letting me get away.  But I wasn't going away...not now...not ever.

I nibbled at her left ear, taking the lobe gently between my lips and giving it the barest of licks with my tongue.  Slowly, I moved my lips lower, chasing the smooth curve of her neck.  My pace was glacial even as the rest of me began burning with a need I never knew existed.  As my lips made solid contact with the soft flesh of her neck, as my left hand moved to brush against her side, I let myself finally realize what I had known in some dark crevice of my mind all along.

I was in love with Jan.

I trembled as soon as I allowed myself to admit it; a strange mixture of fear, anticipation and need.  In a strange way, my admission released me.  I felt myself grow hard under her, the confines of my jeans causing a mild discomfort.  I felt the need for her grow as well, though I was frightened just how strong my feelings actually were.

She moaned as my lips found the tender juncture of her neck and shoulder.  I traced it with my tongue, lightly running just the tip into the soft hollow.  Her hands intruded between us and I thought for a moment that I had somehow gone too far or too fast.  I pulled back in protest, but I had nothing to protest.  I watched mesmerized as her hands quickly undid the buttons of her blouse.

"We can't do this," she mumbled as she leaned towards me, her lips contacting my own.  Her admonition didn't stop her from shedding her shirt; it didn't stop her from working on the buttons of my own.  "We can't do this here.  We can't...they'll see..."

She stood up, then, and for one irrational moment I was consumed by the sweet mixture of love and lust.  I bent forward, my tongue tracing the juncture of her legs on the outside of her jeans.

"Oh, God, Mikey.  Yes!  Yes!...but...wait...wait..."  She pushed away from me and I felt a hunger I had not known come over me.  "Come on...into the water..."  Her words registered in my mind, but they had no meaning for me.  All I could feel was the constant thudding of my heart and all I could hear was the urgent rushing of the blood in my veins.  I watched as she removed her jeans, straining to see the juncture of her legs.

"Come on, Mikey.  Please?  In the water..."  Naked, she bent to unbuckle me, but she needn't have worried.  Dazed, unable to withstand the beating of my own heart, I shed the remainder of my clothes and followed her into the cool water.

I caught up with her before she was knee deep.  I pulled her to me insistently, my lips finding her own.  Our arms wrapped around one another, but still she pulled me further into the water.  I shivered once as the water rose to my balls, the coolness startling me...but it had no effect on the turgid bar of my shaft.  She didn't stop pulling me back until the water was just below her breasts, and I didn't stop kissing her all the while.

Her hand grasped me beneath the waters, the warmth of her caress in stark contrast to the cool waves.  But I had other things in mind.  I broke our kiss and knelt, taking a deep breath before allowing the waters to close over my head.

I'm not sure what she thought as I knelt.  I could barely see the look on her face as I went under, and it was one of curiosity and a strange wondering look.  When my mouth closed over her most precious petals, however, I felt her hands on the back of my head and her legs trembled.

I drew my tongue slowly up the length of her slit, my nose buried in a small patch of hair directly above it.  I moved the tip of my tongue to just beneath her clit but before I could touch that fleshy jewel, I moved back down letting the tip of my tongue trace the warm flesh.

Her hands pulled me insistently into the juncture of her legs, and my own hands grasped her firm ass and pulled her pussy further onto my waiting tongue.  I buried my tongue inside her wonderful orifice and I could taste just a bit of her, her wonderful juice diluted by the cool water around us.

I wiggled my tongue up and down, coming close but not quite touching the sensitive nub begging my lips to take it.  I traced my tongue back and forth across her sex, then changed directions yet again to swipe up and down.  I felt her ass trembling in my hands, felt her legs tremble against my face.

All too soon, I ran out of air.  I pulled myself away from her, her hands still clutching at my hair, but I was able get away.  I sputtered a little as my head broke the surface of the water.

"Oh God, Mikey...why'd you stop eating me?"

I laughed a little as I responded.  "I have to breathe Jan..." but I was unable to continue as she took my hand and pulled me across the lake to the far shore.  There was a rock jutting out from the bank and just even with the surface of it.  I watched, her hand still holding my own, as she pulled herself up on it and sat there, her legs bent slightly, with her heels at the very edge of the bank.

"There...now come on and eat my pretty little pussy."

I didn't need to be told twice.  With a little smile, I knelt to my task.  My arms found her thighs as my head found purchase between them.

My tongue was barely lodged within her before her hands were on my head, pulling me into her.  I licked up and down gently, taking my time, making sure to stay away from her clit.  Without the water diluting her precious juices, she tasted more wonderful than I could imagine.  It was a sweet taste, like the overall fragrance of her, and I found I couldn't get enough.

"Oh, God, Mikey," her cries were muffled slightly by her thighs against my head, but I didn't need to hear them.  I could feel them.  "Yes...like that.  Eat it.  Suck on my pussy, baby."

Her cries were getting louder, but I didn't care.  She was flowing now, the taste of her, the scent of her, it was on me, in me, and through me.  Her hands were clutching at me spasmodically, and I could feel her walls clutching at my tongue as it repeatedly entered her.  Her legs lifted as her cries grew louder, and they landed on my back mashing my face into her sex.

"Yes.  I'm going to cum, baby," her screams echoed around the lake.  Finally, the flow of her was not enough.  I needed more, so much more.  I couldn't get enough of her sweet nectar, though it was flowing freely over my tongue.  I moved my mouth up and brought the soft nubbin of her clit between my lips and slowly, with the barest of pressures, I began lightly flicking the tip of my tongue against it.

She let out a primordial scream as her orgasm took her, and I was rewarded in my ministrations by the flow of her juice from her pussy to my waiting mouth.  I sucked as much as I could into me.  It was as if my very life depended on drinking of her.

Finally, after moments or minutes or an eternity, the flow began to slow and the soft spasms of her orgasm began to lessen.  Her legs lost their grip on me and her hands went from pulling me to running through my hair.  She was breathing hard, but I heard her moan.

"Come...come up here, Mikey," she called to me.  Once again, I was eager to do her bidding.

I pulled myself up onto the rock and lay on my side next to her.  The darkness obscured her features from me, but I imagined that I saw her eyes fluttering.  One arm propping me up, I used the other to run my fingers lightly up her stomach.  Slowly, I drew my fingers higher until I finally made contact with the soft swell of her breasts.

Her right arm snaked its way around my neck and gently pulled me down.  My lips found her own as my hand found its way to her nipple.  As her tongue entered my mouth, my fingers began strumming lightly on the hard point of flesh captured between them.

Our kiss didn't last long enough.  I suddenly understood that if it would last forever, it would still not be enough.  As our lips longingly separated, I softly kneaded her breasts.  I was rewarded by a soft moan.

"Jesus, that was good.  Better than I ever thought it could be.  And that taste on your mouth...my taste.  Damn, I taste so good.  I almost wish we could switch places so I could get more of it."  She laughed at her joke, her hand slowly trailing down my chest, down my stomach, gently finding purchase at my erection.

"Oh!" She exclaimed.  "It's so hard...and so warm.  Did I cause this?"  The last was said in almost a little girl voice, a voice filled with wonder and...something else.  Something I wasn't so sure about.

"Well...we can't leave you like this," she mumbled, her hand traveling back up my torso and pushing at my chest.  "Lay down, Mikey.  I want to make you feel good.  I want to make you feel as good as I feel."

I lay down slowly, watching as she twisted and turned, a dark shape nearly formless against the starry backdrop.  When I felt a warm, wet sensation flowing around my glans, I closed my eyes and let Jan suck me deep into her mouth.

Jan started slowly, bobbing lightly with my dick entering and exiting her mouth.  As the glans would leave the warm confines, though, she'd give it the barest of licks...like a promise.  Keeping that promise, she would move back down and engulf my turgid shaft anew.

Her hand around my base jacked me slowly, as her head drilled upon my hard member.  I felt her increasing that sinfully delicious bobbing motion slowly, her hand working in concert with the soft flesh of her lips.  I couldn't resist starting my fucking action, feeling my hips thrusting at her mouth.  I almost cried in frustration when she pulled her mouth off of me.

"Later, Mikey.  I might let you cum in my mouth later...right now, I need your hardness in another area.  I've been dreaming about fucking you for too long...I've got to have you inside of me..."  Her voice trailed off.

"I want you, Jan," I muttered under my breath.  I can't remember ever wanting anything more in my life.  "Sit on it." I commanded, my hand moving to the shadow of her, helping her form cross my own.

It was awkward without the light, but I felt her take me in her hand and guide me to her sex.  She stopped, the lips of her pussy teasing the head of my cock, slowly moving my little head up and down her sex.

"Is this what you want, Mikey?  Do you want me?  Do you want to fuck me?  I need to hear it, Mikey.  I've waited so long...I need to know that I haven't seduced your will...that this is something you really wanted all along..." again her voice trailed off but not before I heard the vaguest hint of her wants and fears.  I couldn't believe this was happening...and I couldn't believe how badly I wanted this to happen.  Only now did I understand; I'd loved Jan for nearly all the time I'd known her but I'd suppressed it because as much as I loved her, I didn't feel worthy of her.  She was everything that any man could ever hope to want in a woman, and I found it difficult to believe that she could possibly want me.

I paused for a moment, realizing that this was the absolute point of no return.  The oral sex could be explained away as tension filled lust, but here, now, this single act would forever change the dynamics of our relationship.  Not because of some ancient mysticism that symbolized sex as love...I was no school boy who believed that love and sex were the same thing...but because this joining was special to the two of us.  In a way, Jan's need to hear my answer was a request to change how we felt and acted towards one another.  The act of sex was almost inconsequential; it was the answer that mattered.

"I want you, Jan," I replied but even to my ears it didn't seem like enough.  I hesitated a moment, knowing that I was about to commit myself in a way I never had before.  I knew, before I even had a chance to analyze it, that it was the right decision.  "I love you.  I've always loved you."

I heard her cry a little, but it didn't stop her from sinking onto me, my hard member spearing within her.  "God...oh thank God...I was so worried..." I could hear the tears in her voice and I sat up, pulling her into my arms.

"Hush, Jan," I comforted her.  My arms held her close and ran my fingers lightly down her back.  "Don't cry."

"You idiot," I heard her laugh through her tears.  "You big doofus...these are tears of joy!  I'm crying because I'm so damn happy...and I'm going to keep crying until you fuck them out of me..."

Her body moved then, slowly lifting herself off of me.  My lips found her breast as she rose and I sucked the nipple between my teeth.

"God, yes," I heard her hiss as she lowered herself back down on me.  "Mikey...sweet Jesus, Mikey...bite it.  Bite my nipple."

She rose again, the sweet friction of her lower caresses driving me out of my mind.  In that moment I knew how the whole symbolism of sex as love had gotten started.  This joyous union was the closest a person could get to heaven without dying.  The pleasure was so intense and so wonderful that there was simply no way that love could NOT be involved in it.

For a moment, I teased her, my lips twisting the hard point of her flesh between them.  Finally, though, I gave her what she wanted.  Softly, I bit at her nipple as she moved up and down on my torso.

"Yea, baby," she sighed, her voice echoing lowly around the small lake.  "You are so damn big...you're filling me so nicely."  I moved my lips from her nipple in search of its mate, but I couldn't find it right away as she continued to rise and fall on my hard member.  "Can you feel it, Mikey?  This is so fucking perfect...my clit is grinding against you...your cock is filling me so much."

I finally found her other nipple and brought it between my lips.  I nibbled on it, Jan's hands finding purchase on my shoulders to aid her in bouncing on my lap.  Her head bent and took my ear lobe between her lips and I felt the soft rush of her jagged breath on my ear.

Over and over she rose and fell, her nipples pulling against my biting teeth.  Her head stayed near my own as she pounded upon my flesh.  I felt myself rising, felt the need of my loins beginning to take over.  I struggled with it, trying so hard not to take the final leap, wanting this moment to last into eternity.

"Can you feel it, Mikey?" she whispered into my ear, her voice husky from both her actions and the depth of her need.  "Can you feel my hot pussy surrounding you?  It feels so good, Mikey.  You feel so good.  I love you, Mikey.  How can you possibly not know that I love you with every fiber of my being?  I've wanted this for so long, wanted to fuck you and love you and hold you...wanted it from the moment I met you.  I've needed this...but now that I have it, I need more.  I want you to cum inside me, baby.  I want to feel it as you cum in me.  Cause I'm going to cum baby.  God, am I going to cum.  I can't last much longer, my sweet Michael.  Cum in me...cum in me...cum...ugh!"  She threw her head back as I pushed my hips up to meet her.

"AAAAAAAAAA" she screamed into the night, feeling my thrust meeting her own.  As I felt her pussy clenching around me, I couldn't hold back any more and I thrust myself deep within her and let loose my seed.


I held her hand as we walked slowly back to camp.  Once our carnal lust was over, I worried that Jan's screams would have awoken the whole camp.  I guess, though, that the kids were tired, because no one moved as we approached.

"I'm so sorry, Mike," Jan whispered as I pulled her blanket over my own.  "I always scream when I...well...I just can't help it."  I could see her blush in the firelight and I couldn't believe how cute she looked.  I was torn between taking her in my arms and laughing at her predicament.  As it was, I did both, laughing as I took her in my arms.

We snuggled under the blankets, hers covering us and mine under us.  We had found our clothes where we left them, but decided against pulling them on.  Now that our feelings were known, I wanted to feel her flesh against me and I no longer cared what the kids thought.  The blanket covered us and that was enough, I thought as I fell asleep.

Sometime in the night, I felt myself rubbing against her.  We had moved during the night and were spooning, her back against my chest and my hand cradling her breast.  Without a thought, I entered her and her contented sigh told me it was the right thing to do.

We awoke to Holly and Jamie poking at us.  I was a little embarrassed, worried that they might be able to see through the blanket where my hard member was lodged deep within the confines of Jan's tight canal.  I didn't dare move, afraid that any movement might give them a clue about where my cock was.

"You two need to learn to keep a little more quiet," Holly whispered to us.  "We thought you were getting hurt until...well...we realized...just be more quiet, okay?"  Holly was blushing furiously until you could barely see the freckles on her face.

Unlike Holly, Jamie's face was stony and worried.  I smiled at her tentatively and she smiled in return, but it never quite reached her eyes.  Her look turned thoughtful as she moved away.

We broke camp and began the long trek back to the site of our landing a few days earlier.  My mood was light and it reflected itself in the rest of the group as they ran around and played silly games.  It was harmless fun and would hopefully make the trip back pass more quickly.

The only two who didn't participate in the games were Jan and Jamie.  Jan had begun the odd but extremely comforting habit of holding my hand as we walked and I found that I not only didn't mind, but really rather liked it.  Her hand was small in my own, and I found the unnatural vulnerability of that touch to be somewhat comforting.  I frequently pulled her close and kissed her, my hands roaming every now and again.  Her smiles as she pushed away always held the promise of more friendly roaming later.

Jamie, on the other hand, clung to my arm as if she were going to lose me.  It took me all of the first day and some slightly uncharacteristic insight to realize what was going on.  As everyone settled down for the night in a clearing, I made my way to her bedroll.

"Jamie, are you okay?" I asked, a note of concern in my voice.

"Of course, Mike," she replied quickly...a little too quickly.  "Why?"

"Nothing," I lied.  I could find no easy way to ask her why she was hanging on me without confirming her fears.  Since we had finally mended our fences, I didn't want to inadvertently start another rift.  I thought for a minute and decided to try a different, slightly more direct, tact.

"You know, Jamie, you're not going to lose me," I started, my hand lightly grabbing her arm.  "I meant what I said the other day.  I'm not ever going to leave you."

"Really, Mike?" she looked at me, her face serious and inscrutable.  "Are you sure?  I...I...I don't want to be a bother..."

I cut her off.  "You're not a bother.  I love spending time with you...I love you.  So you don't have to worry, I'm not going anywhere."

She hesitated a moment and then a grin broke across her face.  "Well, it doesn't really look like any of us are going anywhere...at least for a while."

We both laughed at her joke, and suddenly everything was alright again.

Jan and I waited until the kids were sleeping before making love.  No oral sex, this time, just the gentle love making of two people who were content to be with one another.  Still, my lips upon her own barely muffled the sound of her scream as she came.

"Get a room!" came a chorus of voices that twittered away in laughter.  Jan blushed bright read, an apology forming on her lips...but I just kissed it away.  For the second night in a row, I entered her before drifting off to sleep.

The second day was fairly uneventful, the kids once again resuming their games.  They were a little less energetic today, but I just attributed that to the long ordeal.  Even Jamie joined in, though she frequently came back.  I don't know if she was just making sure I was still there or what, but she always left with a pensive, almost frightened look on her face.  After some thought, I decided to let her work it out on her own.  I didn't want to keep reassuring her needlessly.

So, it was a bit of a relief to finally break through the trees of the forest onto the beach.  We came out of the forest a little south of our 'base' camp, and we wearily turned towards the figures we saw coming up the beach.  A few of them, though, ran out to meet us, calling us.  At first, we thought it was a greeting party...but as they neared us, the calls became clearer.

"Hurry up.  Come on," Patricia - or was it Tracey, I wondered - called to us.  "There's something wrong with Sam!!"

