The Special Joys of Threesome Sex
Tips for The Woman Who Wants To Get Started

Updated on 8/28/05

By Joan...

The following information has been prepared specifically for ladies who wish to consider adding MFM or MFM sexual pleasures to their sensual life.  It is the basic premise of this piece that the reader has already decided to open herself to the pursuit of threesome adventures.  I sincerely hope these thoughts will benefit you as you plan ways of bringing about one or more FMF or MFM threesome experiences for your mutual pleasure.

By the way, it is not my desire to "win converts" to my chosen lifestyle.  Rather,  it is my hope that readers will open their minds and relationships to the special pleasures and possibilities that threesomes provide.  


First... I suggest that you let your primary male partner know that you are now open to... or wish to pursue... the addition of one or more people to your shared "recreational sex" experiences.  Let him know the kind of fantasies that stimulate you (he and another guy focusing on your pleasure, he and another gal focusing on your pleasure, you giving simultaneous pleasure to him and another guy or gal, you alone with another guy or gal, you and he with more than one other person, etc.).

He may have already been trying to persuade you to consider a threesome, etc.  Now, he needs to know that you have made a favorable decision... and then have some time to consider his real feelings... now that he knows that such experiences are really possible.  

MAYBE he has never proposed opening your sex life to the inclusion of others.  Maybe it is you who wishes to initiate the idea.  In that case, you need to open his mind to things gently.  Share in watching X-rated movies which include scenes which reflect what is on your mind.  Share in reading Forum or other magazines which feature stories which reflect what is on your mind.  When you see such films or read such stories, let him know that they turn you on... watch to see his reactions.  Ask him what he thinks of such "recreational sex" experiences.

Once you have "acquiesced" to his promotion of such extra-partner-sex situations... or after you have let him know that the scenes and stories of threesome sex turn you on... you need to watch his responses in the days ahead.  Is he really enthusiastic about the new possibilities ahead... or is he now reflecting some second thoughts or potential jealousy.

You may want to talk further about how you both will deal with any potential jealousy that may come up further down the line.  You may also wish to make it clear how each of you will communicate with the other about limitations either of you want to impose on your expanded sex life as things develop.


Second... you will want to ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND that the anticipated new experiences you are about to have should be SHARED experiences... shared between you and your husband, or you and the primary man in your life.  

Early on, you will want to determine which of you will identify the potential additional person or people you will invite into your shared sex life.  Will HE bring the extra person or people into your shared bed... or will YOU be the one to identify that person and create the setting to bring that person into your shared sex life.

Maybe you will want to SHARE in creating a "prospect list" or in determining a method of identifying a prospective extra person (or persons)... or characteristics desired in that extra person (tall, short, younger, older, married, single, certain physical characteristics, local, non-local, friend, stranger, etc.).  Or, he may ask you who you think you would enjoy inviting to join in your expanded sex life.  Or, you may prefer to put the burden (opportunity) on him.  You may even want to start with some couple-couple action first, so you can both gain a higher level of comfort in the earliest experiences... and so you can make some initial contacts with others who have opened their sex lives.

From my experience, a large part of the fun of MFM and FMF threesomes is the anticipation... the planning... the fantasizing about it in advance with your primary man.  I know women who have not actually experienced their first threesome until LONG after having jointly decided that they WOULD DO IT... enjoying the prolonged anticipation and knowledge that "one day" it would actually happen.  However, remember that you can fantasize too much.   Either or both of you can build expectations too high.  

Sometimes it is necessary to postpone that actual first experience due to a need for privacy, discretion and anonymity.   It may require that you place ads or follow-up ads... or that you travel to another city.  It may require the acquisition of a discrete PO box, discrete e-mail address, or private voice mail subscription.  It may require the both of you... or you or him alone... doing some initial "interviews," to enhance your shared "comfort level" with a prospective new guy or gal.

Even if you choose someone who is a close friend of one or both of you, it may take some time setting up the right situation (a shared date, a special dinner, an over-night stay together someplace, etc.) where things can warm up properly.


Third... think about whether you seek ONE-TIME, TEMPORARY or LONG-TERM additional partners?  I know that the permanent three-way partnership that my two guys and I live in is rather unique.  Few others will even want to establish a long-term three-way relationship.  Two-way "primary" partnerships with an occasional third person joining in just for the fun of it... that is the more typical threesome scene.       
                                                
However, I have heard from a number of women who have opened themselves to an extra guy or gal in the sex life she shares with her husband or "significant other"... on the premise that the extra person is also a friend or relative of one or both of them.  I know women who have invited their sisters or college roommates into on-going threesome pleasures with their husbands or boyfriends... and women who have welcomed on-going threesome relationships when the extra guy was a friend or brother of their husband or boyfriend.  Some of these women have restricted their threesome ventures to one, two or three such friends or relatives... and would not consider inviting a "stranger" into their bed.

When a close friend or relative is chosen... and it works out... such relationships can often continue for years.  As a matter of fact, they usually continue indefinitely, unless one of the parties proves to be a jerk, or unless circumstances change for one or more of the parties.

Other women absolutely refuse to consider inviting into their beds anyone who either she or her guy know or are related to.  Everyone is different.  Everyone has different circumstances

When a stranger is chosen, it can be a "one-night affair," or it could turn into an oft repeated pleasure for all.  Sometimes couples start by intending things to be temporary or one-time events... only to find that they have developed a new kind of friendship that they all wish to periodically repeat over a long-term period.


Finally... keep in mind your own natural feminine tendencies.  Most women equate great sexual fulfillment and the warmth of sexual sharing with emotions akin to love.  That is why MOST women won't allow themselves to enjoy more than one man at a time.

I went through those emotions in the early years of my sexual development... and particularly in the earliest experiences of enjoying more than one male partner during the same time period (even when it was not involving group sex).  Men seem less likely to experience these sex=love feelings.  Percentage wise, more men tend to be able to enjoy sex for itself... and keep the pleasure of those experiences separate from their emotional relationships.

You need to deal with this question of good sex = love feelngs NOW.  You MUST make a decision right up front that you will not let your natural feminine tendencies cause good recreational sex to distort your perspective.  It is RECREATIONAL SEX that you are persuing here, and you are NOT going to let great orgasms lead you to believe you suddenly have a new love in your life.

Once you have decided to open yourself to the pleasure-potentials of recreational sex, don't let yourself engage in qualitatively-comparing of your husband or significant other... with the extra guy or guys.  That could lead to fracturing of the more-fragile male ego! 

Remember that your objective is (1) to expand your feminine capacity for higher levels of personal fulfillment with two or more men at one time, (2) to enhance the sharing relationship between you and your man, (3) develop a MUTUAL RESPECT between you and EACH of the other participants in your sex life...  AND, (4) your objective should be to gain a certain control over the situation... so you can enjoy experiencing threesome sex more often, and more when YOU want it.  To accomplish these objectives, YOU MUST NOT ALLOW YOURSELF to develop any type of infatuation or admiration for "the extra guy, or guys."  Period!

You MUST do all you can to support your husband's (boy friend's) male ego... and demonstrate your special love/feelings for him in a way that is above any "fondness" you may demonstrate for any other extra guy.  That is, unless you happen to be as fortunate as me... and have the two guys HARMONIOUSLY sharing your love.  Mine is a very unique situation.  There is NO jealousy between any of the three of us.  But, it wasn't that way... at the beginning. 

Remember, the male ego can be a fragile thing.  You can always express your appreciation for the variety the extra guy or gal brings into your primary relationship... but don't EVER praise the other guy's cock or technique as being better or more fulfilling than your man's cock or technique. 

Remember... first and foremost... ALL of your threesome experiences should be SHARED experiences which bring pleasure and an uplifting feeling to both you and your man.  If it doesn't, it probably is not a good threesome experience!  

If the other guy's cock is longer and feels good... tell your husband or boy friend that it feels good... but not better than when his cock is inside you.  If the other guy's cock is extra thick, invite your guy to watch as it stretches you open while the other guy enters you.  Then, hug your man tightly to you so he can share in the reactions of your body as you experience this extra fullness within you.  Be sure he knows you enjoy this new experience... but that he is and always will be your number one lover... and that you appreciate him for allowing you to have this special experience.

Then, when the question comes up about a return session with this extra thick or extra long guy, let your husband (boy friend) be in charge of if and when.  He MUST know that to you, he is clearly your primary attraction.  In these situations, let him be (or seem to be) "in charge" of your threesome sex life.  It is a way to assure him he is in NO WAY second rate to you!  As sexist as it may sound, males often need this reinforcement of their sexuality and desirability to their women... even if it was they who initiated your shared venture into multiple-partner sex.

In spite of what I just said, you... as a woman...  need to stay in charge of your sex life.  If you reach a point where you feel that your man's ego may have been slightly fractured, do everything you have to do to reassure him of your love for him.  

Then when his ego has healed, you need to gently ASSERT yourself... the sexual you.  You need to let him know that your threesome experiences have taught you that you enjoy having two guys make love to you at the same time.  And, you have discovered that you enjoy the variety of more than one sexual partner.  God... I sure do!


The Single Woman...
Single women who are being introduced to the pleasures of threesome sex with a male friend who is less than a committed partner, need to keep in mind that there is always the possibility that over a period of time you and the two or more guys in your sex life could all become an integrated, mutually-supportive social AND sexual threesome or moresome.  I enjoy such an arrangement... where all three "partners" are at liberty to enjoy sexual encounters outside the group... and where all three enjoy hearing about such outside experiences.

There are also times when you will have the opportunity to join a male/female couple for shared sexual fun.  Those can be expecially rewarding, whether or not female/female sex play is involved.  You can always advertise your availability to couples for threeway fun.  Believe me, if you do, you will get lots of replies.  You just have to be selective on what couple(s) you choose to explore threeway fun with.

Finally, you may want to seek out single guys who are seeking a gal who would like to join them "and a male friend" simply to experience female-centered threeway fun.  

            
GETTING STARTED
Once a couple has decided to open themselves to the addition of one or more occasional "playmates," there are some basic things that must happen.

1.  I have mentioned it above, but you MUST deal with "the jealousy factor" before it comes up.  If either party believes they would be jealous if they saw the other having sex with someone else... get it out in the open immediately.  In this event, you will both want to establish a pact that (a) you will be totally open with each other along the way,  (b) you will only have sex with another partner while the potentially-jealous partner is present (or only after the potentially-jealous partner knows and agrees), and (c) UNTIL YOU MUTUALLY DECIDE OTHERWISE, the extra gal will only be for the purpose of joining the wife in focusing doubled-attention on the husband... or, the extra guy will only be for the purpose of joining the husband in focusing doubled-attention on the wife... and the person receiving the doubled-attention will focus their attention PRIMARILY on their spouse.  Example, while the extra guy is nibbling on her pussy or filling it with his cock, her husband is cuddling with her and necking with her while she talks with him, telling him what it feels like to be in his arms while another guy is stroking in and out of her... etc.

2.  Remember to jointly decide on any LIMITATIONS you mutually agree to impose on your proposed threesome.  For example, she insists that the other guy wear a condom... or NOT enter her anally.  Or, he insists that the other guy NOT come in her pussy or mouth.  Or, you mutually decide that extra partners NOT be given your real names and NOT be invited to your home.  Maybe you won't have any such limitations, but if either partner has strong feelings on any of these subjects, set the RULES up front... so you can share them (as it may be appropriate) with the third person. 

3.  Decide on THE WAY TO MEET a third person to join you in a threesome.  By now you have probably agreed that you want to focus on inviting a friend or acquaintance to join you... or you may have decided that you DO NOT WANT to involve someone you already know.  

In this later case, you may want to (a) attend a Swing Party for the purpose of meeting prospective threesome friends, or (b) patronize an Adult Store or Adult Movie Theater for the purpose of making potential contacts (this works... often couples are able to make eye contact with a guy [less often with a gal] or a couple in an Adult Bookstore or XXX Movie Theater, motion them to the door of the Bookstore or to their seat within the Theater and openly let their wishes be known... without fear of rejection... and often with successful results), or (c) patronize a Topless Bar (this also works... and can be a way to meet that extra gal), or (D) follow-up ads or place ads in local or national contact publications or online.  

This last one is a very good way to meet people, but you probably will need to have a PO box and/or an anonymous voice mail service (attached to a pager is even better), or a discrete e-mail address.  This will allow one or both of you to meet the prospective third person and get to know them while remaining anonymous.  

Lets say hubby is meeting a prospective guy.  The meeting could be at a bar or lounge.  Wife could go in first, and sit at another table... so she can watch while hubby "interviews" the prospective guy.  They can have a pre-arranged signal (like wife dropping her hankie on the floor) as a signal that "he looks good," or "No Way."  Then the wife can join them or not... as she wishes.  Or, he can excuse himself to the rest room so he can meet her in the back alone before she joins them... or before he says, "We'll call you."

BE AWARE... if the guy has never been involved in a threesome before, you probably DON'T want to select him as one of your first extra guys.

4.  Have a plan as to WHERE you would prefer meeting this third person for your first encounter.  At your place?  Generally not a good idea.  Motels are good.  Motels that offer hot tubs are even better (as a way to cut the ice).  Adult motels are often the best (they usually offer X-rated videos on their TV sets... providing a great backdrop for moving things along).  If the third person is a gal, you can probably be a bit more flexible in where you first meet.

	Now that you have the basic decisions out of the way, 

5.  Plan your wearing apparel to fit the occasion.  If you will be meeting at a beach, pool or hot tub... you should both consider some minimal swim wear.  If you will be meeting at a bar, she should dress as sexy as possible (short skirt, semi-revealing blouse with no bra, etc.) and if you are meeting a gal, he should dress sharp... look handsome.  If you will be going to an X-rated movie in the hopes of meeting a guy, you should wear a loose, easy-opening blouse with no bra, and a very full skirt with no panties... so that within the dark of the theater you can choose to retain a discrete appearance, or allow access to your breasts and crotch as the situation unfolds.

6.  Make plans to DO IT SOON!  Remember, you can fantasize too much.   Either or both of you can build expectations too high.  Remember also that the sex you have between the two of you IS LIKELY to be better than sex with THE FIRST FEW extra people... just because you know each other better, and there is less chance of anxiety getting in the way.  You may get a guy who "gets off" and wants to leave... without really GIVING pleasure to you.  Or, you may get a gal who "freezes up" just as the fun begins.  It may take a few threesome experiences before you locate extra partners who truly melt into your shared love-making wishes.

7.  Assuming the threesome went EVEN MODERATELY WELL... you should both genuinely thank the third person, and embrace them before they leave.  You may want to try it again with this person.  They should leave with a feeling of "warm fuzzies."

8.  Finally, after each threesome experience, the two of you MUST spend some time re-living the experience with each other... what it felt like... how you would each like it to be different or similar next time... how you each appreciate and love the other for helping to make the threesome possible.  You might even want to EACH write down your thoughts on each of those early threesome experiences and share them with someone (like me), just so you can express yourself fully... and so you can later look back on those first experiences.


SOME IDEAS FOR GETTING THE ACTION GOING:
When you have identified a prospective third party and the situation allows, let the opposite sex dance with that third party... invite them to join you for a dip in a hot tub someplace... invite them to join you in providing a full body massage to one of the three of you... or challenge them to a game of "Truth or Dare"  (see my story #3-105).  

If your chosen "prospect" is a friend or relative, consider creating a setting at your home, motel, beach resort or a ski lodge where you all have minimal clothes... or where you can all recline on a blanket in front of a roaring fire.  Then one of you can start massaging the other... while inviting the third person to assist. 

Truth or Dare allows for lots of ways to "break the ice."  Certain "Dares" can lead to the removal of clothes... or intimate kisses... or blind-folded caresses... or performing certain requested sexual acts.  Requests for "Truth" can open the way for asking intimate questions about sexual preferences, past sexual experiences, and determining the other person's wishes for exploring sex together NOW.

When the extra person is a guy, the woman can always note how she loves to receive a massage... particularly a four-handed, full-body massage.  Seldom will the extra guy turn down that offer.  Naturally, if oil is involved, everyone will have to shed their clothes so they don't get oil on their clothes.  

When the extra person is a gal, you can always comment that hubby loves to have his back rubbed.  You might start rubbing his back through his shirt, and eventually ask the other lady to join you.  Then you could break away to get some oil while the extra lady continues... and return to request that he remove his shirt and pants so you don't get oil on his clothes.  It can start out non-sexual, and then as things warm up, you can run your oil-covered hand under his shorts while commenting that "this area seems to need attention too."  If the other lady is turned-on by this point, she will join in.  


NEED MORE IDEAS?
I have a series of stories in my computer... gathered over a period of years... which contains stories by and about men, women and couples who have allowed themselves to enjoy the of experience of additional sex partners... within the context of existing "primary" relationships... mostly for the purpose of mutual recreation and enhanced levels of sexual fulfillment.

Some of the stories were written by me (Joan), others were written by people who have written to me to share their TRUE personal experiences, and some are stories (real or fiction???) that I have found along the way, which I believe demonstrate the many variations possible when men and women open themselves to the pleasures that are possible when they add one or more new people to their sex life.

These stories can be useful to demonstrate "how-to" stuff to people who are new to threesomes.    They allow folks who are new to threesome pleasures to try those things which the reader finds will fit into their "comfort zone."  Some readers will consider portions of these stories excessively "raw."  While other readers will find those same passages erotic and stimulating.

You will find my extensive LIBRARY OF TRUE ADVENTURES IN EXTRA-PARTNER SEX on-line at:
http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/Joans_True_3-some_Stories/ 

If you would like to receive a current list of my stories via e-mail, simply request it by e-mailing me at JJJ3313260@AOL.COM.  Simply drop me an e-mail note with some information about yourself (certifying that you are age 18 or older) and your level of experience or your particular fantasies... and request a specific story or two. I will e-mail them back to you as attachments.


IF YOU ARE A GAL ON YOUR OWN...
Many single women enjoy bing part of threesome adventures.  You don't need a primary male partner in your life who has indicated an interest in threeway play, in order to experience threesome fun.  If that is your situation, the following suggestions may be helpful.

1.  Get yourself a discrete e-mail address and/or PO box, and/or a discrete e-mail address... and a private voice mail service... preferably with an attached paging service.  These services will enable you be "reachable" quickly.

2.  Pick a name (other than your real one) that you will consistently use.  I know, everyone wants you to be open with them... but you can choose to use your real identity later... if and when you are comfortable that you are not dealing with kooks. 

3.  Place some ads in local, regional or national publications, or at one of the MANY on-line adult contact sites.  Be straight forward.  If you wish to be the "extra gal" for threesomes with couples.... say so!  If you want to meet with two new guys to double your sexual pleasure... say so!  If you have some additional incentive to offer (like a full-body massage), offer it!  Be sure to include your voice mail phone number (if possible) for replies.  Reply levels to PO boxes and e-mail addresses are somewhat lower... but they enable written communication and the sending of pictures (if you or the guy/couple wish to send them).

4.  When you get replies... comply with the requests of the couple or guy(s) as much as you can.  If you don't want your picture out there... have a good reason why you do not exchange photos (for instance, "for professional reasons").  This is when your e-mail or voice mail with pager comes in handy... for quick replies from couples or guys... when they are in the mood.

5.  Suggest a meeting at a neutral place (a bar, restaurant, etc.) where you can get to know each other (whether it is a guy alone who is replying, the male or female half of a couple, or a couple).  Then, be there slightly ahead of schedule... dressed seductively and cleanly.  Be sensitive as to what they want to tell you on this first meeting... not digging for information that they do not want to give at this point.  Let this be a fun, friendly experience as you get to know each other.  Don't push forward too quickly.  But, when it is clear that the guy or couple wants to do something... and you feel comfortable with him or them... be prepared to go RIGHT THEN if that is what they want.  Bring your own condoms, massage oils, etc. in your car or purse... just in case you will want them, and in case you end up "going for it" right then.

6.  Other than the ads you place, you can also respond to the ads of couples or guys... although single gals often hesitate to do this, you could visit adult book stores and make eye contact with any couples or guys who may come in while you are there... again, although single gals often hesitate to do this, you could visit X-rated movie houses and sit as far back as you can.  In this case, watch for couples, or attractive guys who may come in.  Make eye contact with guys or couples that appeal to you... if you can.  When the situation seems right, be GENTLY AGRESSIVE... move over near them and (if possible) start a conversation.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained!  There are minimla downsides to these last two suggestions.

Believe me, even single gals can enjoy multiple-partner sex... if they make things work for themselves.  The means of discrete communication (PO box, discrete e-mail address, voice mail, pager, etc.) are essential if you want to make new contacts.    


I sincerely hope you will enjoy yourself by opening your feminine sex life to all of its potential!



Love,
Joan in Colorado
