ASS TAX
by Joris K. Huysmans

I adjusted my tie and rang the doorbell. I heard scuffling and a female voice say "Get out of my way, you damn cat" and then the door was unlocked and opened. "Yeah?" said the woman visible in the small opening.

"Ass tax," I said. "You should have received official notification--"

"Oh, yeah, right," she said, closing the door and unlatching the chain, then reopening it. "I got it here somewhere. I never heard of no ass tax before."

"It's a new government program, designed to reduce bureaucratic inefficiency as a result of the Hmmhmm-Frmmhmmhmm Act," I said as she let me into the house.

"Whatever," she said as I followed her back toward the kitchen of her cheap, untidy apartment.

Her place, and its occupant, were perfect examples of Jerry Springer America--the apartment dominated by a TV, food plates sitting straight on the roughly upholstered couch, beer cans and one of the Left Behind novels visible just under it. While she--how may I describe her loveliness? Fat ass in a too-tight pair of white shorts leading down think trunk-like thighs to bare feet, sloping breasts hanging low over a broad belly under a Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt, stringy bottle-blonde hair and sunken eyes bespeaking little intelligence but, I sensed, enormous primitive enthusiasm in bed.

"Here it is," she said, holding my own crudely computer-generated document at me. "Are you sure this is the only way to pay this tax?"

"Not at all, ma'am," I said. "If you'll just look under subparagraph B, Section 2, codicil XVIII, you will see that a cashier's check for $6,313 may be remitted--"

"I don't got no six thousand dollars lyin' around," she snorted derisively.

"Well, that only leaves one alternative," I said. "Is your husband around?"

"Nah, he's at work at the bottling plant," she said. "He won't be back until tonight."

"Well, then, that should give us plenty of time to handle the entire past due amount," I said. "Would you like to get started or do you need a drink first?"

"Nah, I already had one at breakfast," she said. "You want something?"

"Not on the job, ma'am," I said. "May I sit down?"

"Sure, whatever," she said, as I knocked a pizza box onto the floor, scaring the cat back into the closet. "How do we do this?"

"Well, from my point of view, it's usually best to get started with a little striptease," I said. "Helps me get into the frame of mind. You understand, I have to keep my enthusiasm up, I have to make 7 or 8 of these calls a day."

"I don't normally like to show off," she said, looking uncertain for the first time. "I ain't no Cameroon Dye-ass."

"Why, I think you're quite lovely," I said. "A robust, womanly figure of Rubenseque sensuality. He was a painter, Rubens."

"Right, and he played Pee Wee Herman, too," she said, visibly cheered by the unaccustomed praise. "I guess I can do that." She turned on the radio and some ghastly rap music started coming out of it. But it did the job, she started grinding her huge round ass and letting her droopy tits sway back and forth. "Should I take off my shirt?"

"Yes, please, slowly," I said as she snuck it up over her white belly, then revealed the bottom part of each pendulous tit, then turned around as she lifted it over her head, showing the folds of fat beneath each underarm and the love handles on each hip. She turned around, and shimmied as her flat dangly tits swayed back and forth, rising and then slapping down onto her pale jelly belly.

"Show me your bush," I said. "I like a woman with a big bush." She blushed and then began to slide the white shorts over her broad hips and past her belly. I saw brown fur, confirming the insincerity of her blonde hair, and then she stood before me completely nude except for her tattoos, a Venus of Willendorf (I decided not to try to explain that one to her). "Gorgeous," I said, and she smiled broadly.

"Now what?" she asked.

"Show me where the government's going," I said, and she turned around and displayed her big broad white ass to me. "Spread wide," I said, and she planted her fat thick thighs a little further apart and then spread her cheeks apart with her hands, revealing a little pink pucker and her broad, hairy gash below it. I grabbed her huge hams and starting licking my way down her crack, tickling her from behind until I reached her asshole. I wiggled my tongue around it and then started ramming her with it, pushing it as far inside her brown ring as I could get it to go.

"Play with yourself," I said, and I felt her hand appear below my chin and start to frig her clit, furiously, as her slit moistened and the smell of her sex became inescapable. I withdrew my tongue from her asshole and jammed a finger deep into her ass. She shrieked but then rubbed her clit even harder and within a few moments, as I slowly, torturously drew my finger out and her greedy pink asshole sucked it back inside, I felt her whole body start to shake and she moaned and then slammed her massive hams around my face, trapping my nose flat against her asshole as she slimed pussy juice all over my face, as she came.

I let her relax for a moment and then I said, "Are you ready to pay your ass tax?"

"Yes, fuck my ass, govermint man," she moaned, and I whipped my pants down and stuck my hard dick against the hole I had been moistening up. If I thought there was going to be any resistance I was quickly shown otherwise as her hungry ass seemed to suck my dick deep inside her guts. I slammed her ass hard as my cock rooted her out. Her fingers kept playing with her clit as I grabbed onto her enormous swaying tits and felt her sagging belly brush up against my arm with each thrust. I took the finger that had been up her ass and touched her lips with it; she sucked that into her mouth, moaning for it. It was great watching her massive fat ass ride my dick like a lollypop, her ripples of fat swaying with each hard slam of my groin against her big, sloppy ass. Within a few moments I could control it no further and I grabbed her chunky thighs to keep my cock as deep within her butt as I could as I shot wave after wave of cum far up her intestines.

She whimpered as I pulled out of her ass, then rolled over, her massive tits rolling to either side as her jelly belly jiggled. She grabbed her T-shirt and wiped my cock roughly clean of whatever it had picked up inside her ass, then greedily pulled me up and took my cock into her mouth and began sucking it. I grew hard again as I massaged her big floppy tits and rested my ass on her soft belly. "Is there a pussy tax, too?" she asked, in between sucks.

"As a matter of fact, there is," I said.

"Well, no sense in you having to make two trips," she said, and started pushing me off of her face so that I could get into position to collect it, too.