A Wife Speaks Out on Having Multiple Lovers

My first marriage was considerably less than satisfactory.  My husband caused me to be insecure and feel dirty, and to lose all my self-assurance.  I was really withdrawn and believed I was useless and unlovable except for sex.  He did introduce me to swinging and various forms of group sex, but it was within the context that I was simply his key to having sex with other women.

Once the `party' was over, he left me feeling like I was little more than his whore, treated simply as a roommate who got him into more pussies.  We survived in that minimally loving relationship for a couple of years.

By the time we divorced, I thought of myself as little more than a sex machine with minimal self-worth.  I went back to school, and my confidence in my looks and appearance accelerated as I was introduced to physical training and model photography.  At least those two years taught me how much I enjoyed variety in my sex life, and how much I enjoyed trying different cocks.

I learned to use my looks and body in a positive way as well as a sexual one.  I could dress the part of any woman, from young shy wife to professional business woman, or I could play the part of a college girl or be the seductive tramp.  I practiced perfect hygiene, manicured nails and toes, shaved body hair, and coiffure hairstyles. 


When I entered my second marriage (to a man who gave me lots of loving sex) I still had a yearning in my loins for cosmic orgasms and more fantastic sex!  I needed multiple cocks to satisfy my cravings, and I loved the attention I got from men.  When Jeremy (my new husband) learned of my past and got me to fully open up to him, he slowly encouraged me to re-experiment with the lifestyle on our terms, with no pressures or rush.  

He assured me he was turned-on by men's desires to have me and encouraged me to dabble in my fantasies, and some of his.  With a green light to dabble in my desires, how could a woman refuse?  My husband thinks I'm hot, but does not consider me a trophy wife at all.  He's basically the least superficial person I know.  

Jeremy's friends tease him and say that I'm a trophy wife (it's only because I'm blonde, and in the American society, people are obsessed with blondes.  I'm not super-hot or anything, just normal).  That doesn't bother me either, because they know me, and know that's not why he married me.  It's hard not be incredibly defensive, or feel that you have to wear your resume on your sleeve to be taken seriously.

For a while, I purposely tried to down play my appearance, or look like I "was not trying to be attractive," and that I didn't mean to look the way I did, so I wouldn't have to deal with other people's judgments.  But Jeremy pointed out that this wasn't fair to me.  I shouldn't have to sacrifice myself so other people will perceive me differently.  

I began to accept that people will judge me as such, and I don't go out of my way to change their perceptions.  It's unfair and it sucks, but I refuse to compromise myself for other people's opinions.  Because I'm from a year-round sunshine state though, I've learned to accent my best features.  


About Me...
I have green eyes, year-round tanned skin, and a flashing smile.  However, my crowning glory is my long blonde hair.  It is shoulder length, thick and moves when I toss my head.  I do this a lot, especially when I'm seated next to a good looking man.  I attend aerobics class and the gym at least three times a week.  Slowly, I've built up muscles in my legs and arms which make me feel good, and my husband enjoys letting me dress up in slinky dresses and show off.

I work out for at least an hour a day, focusing mostly on cardio with some strength training thrown in for good measure.  I try to keep up a natural tan (no sprays or creams) and work on my hair and nails constantly.  I have my hair trimmed stylishly, keep it looking full and clean, and regularly get my roots touched up.  

Whether you like it or not, blondes attract the most attention from men, although it is not essential to be blonde.  I get a manicure/pedicure on a weekly basis, as well as periodic massages, facials, and waxing.  I always dress stylishly (keeping up with the times), and wear clothes that flatter my body.  In short, I try to look so hot that I turn men's heads everywhere.  

I became a great listener, and don't let my attention wander.  I always learn people's names, and use them throughout my conversations with them.  I learned to make conversation effortlessly with anyone, and my husband is proud to take me anywhere.  Most of all, I learned to be successful on my own.

I became well educated and was able to stimulate my husband and others intellectually as well as emotionally and sexually.  I polished my skills on how to network and organize.  Further, I learned how to organize successful lifestyle parties, whether threesomes, couples, or groups.  


About Threesome Sex...
Suggestion:  Make sure you and your partner are on equal footing when discussing a threesome.  It is best not to arrange a threesome if you've been having recent relationship problems.  Have open communication about your intentions for the threesome.  You can give suggestions and let your partner go with his own ideas.  Agree on gender, age, experience and personality for your third partner.  

If you can't find a suitable partner, you might consider hiring a professional.  You may be able to find one on-line, at a strip club, or through an escort service.  Set boundaries and agree on a game plan before beginning your threesome.  

You may want to reserve certain activities for one-on-one play.  Decide who goes first.  Don't be afraid to experiment, but remember to stick to the agreed game plan.  See that each person gets an equal share of the action.  Who knows, your partner may find watching is more fun.

One of the greatest dangers of having a threesome is that one or both of you might develop feelings for the third you've chosen to join you.  This is why it is essential to choose the right person to fill out your ménage à trois.  In order to avoid awkwardness later on, it shouldn't be someone that either of you are close to, but ideally, it shouldn't be a total stranger either.  

No matter how carefully you choose, however, there is still the possibility that the sex act could lead to unexpected feelings.  If the third is a casual acquaintance, it should be fairly easy to separate yourselves from him or her afterward, and then the feelings should subside.  

Many couples get into a rut in the bedroom, and end up having the same kind of sex, in the same position, at the same time, for the same duration and frequency.  This can lead to boredom and resentment.  There are many ways to add something new to your lovemaking, but none perhaps so blatant as adding another male to the situation.  With another man involved, the permutations and combinations are endless, and you will want to try them all.

You can truly let your imaginations run wild, and try things you never would've considered otherwise.  Jealousy is a difficult emotion to overcome, and having a threesome is incredibly likely to challenge all your insecurity buttons.  This can be both a blessing and a curse.  

Guys... on one hand, it can be emotionally grueling to attempt to get over the feeling of being threatened or overshadowed while another man is going down on your wife.  On the other hand, if you can manage to enjoy the experience without letting jealousy get in the way, you will have grown as a person and not allowed your insecurities to rule, which can lead to a very welcome increase in self-confidence.  

Threesomes are not for everyone!  Both you and your partner must be completely secure with your relationship before you attempt a ménage à trois.  Don't try a threesome as a last ditch effort to save your failing relationship unless you're counting on it to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

There are pros and cons when it comes to threesomes, but you'll have a much greater chance of success if you start with honesty, continue with a sense of adventure, and act out of confidence, not doubt.  

After Jeremy and I were married a year, we had a few threesomes and `cuckolds'.  Our experience has been positive and we have remained lovingly married.  However, not every couple that have had threesomes are as successful as us.  The main thing to remember, threesomes involve risk, uncertainty, and just because you have a good experience once, does not mean that will always be the case.  

In order to have a mutually-enjoyable threesome, both of you need to make a commitment to each other to work through any issues, to be mature enough not to use the experience against each other, and to put aside any jealous feelings.  It takes a lot to have sex with someone else while your partner watches, and it takes a lot to watch your wife or husband having sex with someone else.  Nothing can fully prepare you for that, and it takes a lot of talking to get you to the point where you can cope with it.

If you are able to do that while keeping your lines of communication open, then you are on your way to having a successful threesome.  My advice is, if you are considering having a threesome, take it slow, talk it through, and do not push each other into it.  I believe that sharing a new experience with an extra partner is just as bonding for a couple as two people having sex, just like some believe kissing to be more intimate than the sex itself.  It all comes down to trust.  

Do you trust your partner?  Do they trust you?  A deep discussion should be had before bringing an extra man into the bedroom to avoid any problems during or after.  That said, for some couples, a threesome can be the perfect way to add excitement to a relationship.  

For the right couple taking the right steps, a threesome can be a really positive experience for everybody involved.  It can give you a chance to be with somebody new without actually cheating.  It can let you into a hidden, taboo sexual world; and it satisfies that voyeuristic urge that many people have hidden away.

Letting a third person into the bedroom creates a completely different dynamic; one that can be very exciting for everyone taking part.  That is, if you do it right!  Whether you go for your neighbor or for the hot guy you came across on an Internet dating site really depends on what's right for you and your partner.  

But no matter who you choose, or how you choose them, make sure to discuss all your ground rules with your third party, and assure that he/she understands what can and cannot happen in the bedroom.  Just because you fantasize about a threesome doesn't necessarily mean you should have one.  Not all couples are made of the right stuff to last through this sort of experience.  Do the two of you think you have what it takes?


Focusing on MFM Threesomes...
You will notice that my comments deal primarily on MFM threesomes.  That is because I love to experience new and different cocks, and my hubby is happy for me to have those experiences.  We have shared a number of FMF threesomes too, but we generally prefer having another man join us in bed.

It is true that there are many men out there who would join an MFM threesome at the drop of a hat.  However, this does not mean that all men are comfortable with it.  Some men are homophobic and do not want another man's genitals anywhere near their own.  Other men are jealous and possessive of their women, and are not ready to share.  More and more women, however, are curious about being with two men.  If done properly, the experience will bring the two of you closer together and intensify the physical intimacy between you.  

An MFM threesome should only happen if the two of you are in a strong, loving and trusting place.  Group sex is never a good band aid to heal other problems in your relationship.  If you don't believe your relationship is in a good place right now, you should focus on the two of you solving your relationship problems first.  

Group sex can increase your desire for your primary partner.  For many people, it is easy to take your partner for granted and forget what an amazing person you have in your life.

Seeing your wife with another man can make you see her "anew," and remind you why she is the love of your life.  Group sex can also make you want to claim her as yours, which can bring exciting energy into your relationship.  In an MFM threesome, generally, both men are straight.  In most MFM threesomes, the focus of lovemaking is centered on the woman, and both men focus on pleasuring her.  

Since an MFM threesome involves two men, it tends to be more competitive.  Both men want to please the female, so they both work hard to top each other (no pun intended).  This can be incredibly amazing for the woman, because she is the lucky center of all of this attention.  

Even men who tend to be jealous find that when they see their woman with another man, the hotness of the experience outweighs the jealousy.  There is something primal and male about proving to a woman that she belongs to you, and this is what will bring the two of you closer, if this lifestyle is for you.  A girl should be ready for really intense sex where little or no romance (except between you and your primary guy) is necessary.

It is for this reason that some couples say it is "easier" to have an MFM threesome.  All three people involved do not need to have romantic feelings to have a successful and hot encounter.  

Before your first MFM threesome, husband and wife should discuss the following issues to make sure you are ready, and are on the same page.  What is the wife's fantasy?  What would she like to have happen sexually?  Does she want to go down on both of you at the same time?  Does she want to be penetrated by you both?  Does she want you to watch him make love to her, or have him watch both of you?  What are her fantasies, and what would you both like to see happen?  What are your limits?  What are hers?  Do you want him to orgasm before you do?  Are you okay with another man being inside your wife?  Do you feel comfortable with them kissing?  Is anal penetration for you alone?  What is your secret signal if something isn't cool?  Every single detail and scenario cannot be planned before the group experience happens.

Sometimes feelings come up that surprise you.  For example, you may think your kissing another man is no big deal, but when it is happening in front of your husband, he feels bad.  It is important that you and your man have a signal so he can let you know he is feeling uncomfortable without causing a big drama that makes everyone feel awkward.  

Your signal can be a special pull of a finger or a tapping on hand.  Each of you should have veto power, and if something feels wrong, make your signal, change what is going on, and as soon as your guest leaves, talk it through.  In group scenarios, it is essential that your partnership comes first!  

Do you two have a guy in mind, or would you prefer a stranger?  Will you find him by posting an ad, or by approaching a friend or acquaintance?  What qualities do you both want in this male lover?  There is never too much discussion before your first threesome.  Talk it through, and then talk it through again.

The more detailed you both are about what you want, the more likely it will be a positive experience.  If you are still not sure after talking, it may not be the right time to follow through on the fantasy.  That is fine, because fantasizing about group sex with your partner is an excellent way to increase intimacy all on its own.  

The MMF threesome is the more straightforward version of the threesome.  To some men it might be stranger that an FMF threesome, because it might be weird for your husband to see another dude naked, yet more straightforward because he will know his place in the act without much question.  

A woman has three holes that may be filled during an MFM: vagina, mouth, and anus.  Double penetration of any kind should be expected.  Whether it's vagina/anal, double vagina, or (gasp) double anal, your husband should be prepared to have his man parts touch another set of man parts.  If he's really homophobic, avoid the MFM.

Most of the time, if a woman is willing to get double teamed, odds are she wants cum in her, or on her.  But always tell them where you want it.  Communication is essentially important in the MFM.  You must talk to both the woman and the man involved.  Having two straight men fucking one woman is already `taboo' as it is; you don't need any more awkwardness due to miscommunication.  

Husbands don't high-five one another during sex... at any point... it's just childish.  You're having a threesome with another guy involved; you're not a pimp.  Though the wife is definitely on the slutty side if she's letting two men inside of her, don't treat her like a whore.  You must respect her at all times: before, during, and after.  

Guys... women have strange fantasies just like men do.  Just because she fulfills one doesn't make her any less of a person than you are.  The MFM threesome can be a fun time for all, even if there is only one vagina to penetrate.  As long as you keep your mind open, you'll both have a memory that'll last forever!


My husband and I have been married for 18 years, and we have been having MFM threesomes for 17 years.  We have a very strong love and even a stronger and happier marriage than most couples have.  This is something that we do all the time.  Needless to say have had many MFM adventures over that 17 year period.  

It is not for everyone, and as for us, there is no jealousy.  We are both very straight, so we have never had any bi-sexual practices.  We don't do drugs, so none of our threesome encounters was a result of a drug party scene.  It fact we have talked, pondered, and even prayed about it.  

We believe that if there were more open threesome MFM relationships, as an acceptable way of life, that marriages would be stronger, and that there would be far less divorces.  In an MFM relationship, you have two males that could be the wage earners, while leaving the female to be a total homemaker.  If that is what she desired, there would be a lot less financial woes and you would see far fewer single mothers and children on the welfare rolls.

All you have to do is get online to sites like Adultfriendfinders, or similar ones, and you'll see that there are a few hundred thousand men and women who are dissatisfied in just an M/F relationship, and are seeking out couples for more fulfillment.  It's not always just about the sex.  Sex is just a benefit for the threesome relationship that is seeking more out of life than the routine life of a traditional marriage or relationship has to offer.  

We've had several friends and relatives go through a divorce where one of the couple left their spouse or partner for another person.  Out of all of them, I wonder how many of them ever took the time to think and give consideration that they may have shared their desire for another person in their life with their spouse or partner, and had a better relationship and a happier life.  Like I said, it's not for everyone, but it is obvious that most people in the world aren't happy with what is supposed to be normal one man one woman relationships.

The population of the world is made up of people who desire or seek out an alternative life style when it comes to sex and relationships.  Just simply saying, "Try it, you'll like it," isn't enough.  Weigh out all of the pros, cons and consequences.  

For us, we discovered it was one of the most natural acts that men and women can share and experience.  Just choose extra partners carefully!  Threesomes are fun.  They are erotic, exotic and decadent.  It's fun to mix things up every now and then.  You might learn something new.  You might discover a new way you enjoy being touched.  You might learn a new way to "perform" a natural action.  

A couple I know told me quite a few times that one of the reasons they invite a third person into bed with them every now and then, is because they can.  Personal freedom is a highly motivating thing.  Sometimes you just need to feel unrestricted.  You need to remember that you are in charge of your destiny, and no one forbids you from doing what you want to do.  This extra-decadent slice of dessert could be the reinforcement your sense of freedom needs.

I don't particularly like that old adage that no one wants the same 'ol salami for dinner every night.  But I do understand the desire to just have a change once in a while.  That's not a reflection on how much you love what you have.  It just is what it is, and it isn't a crime.  

I don't know your individual situations, but if you or your partner married prior to experiencing all the different things you wondered about, a threesome is a way to experience those things you missed... while still including your partner in your journeys.  

In my case, during my first marriage, the anticipation was almost more than I could handle.  There were all the shots portraying threesomes within porn videos that I had seen.  I just wasn't sure what I was getting myself into.  

Well, I did, but I wasn't sure if I was prepared for it!  I thought, `One huge cock can be enough.'  

I showered to relieve some anxiety, and drank a lot of whiskey the first time.  The knock on the door made me jump.  I answered the door in a towel.  One man came through the door, then the next.  Yes, I said the next!  I had only agreed to a threesome, and they showed up with an extra, like a stunt double!  I was floored!

During the two years of my first marriage I hosted a lot of different cocks inside my body.  I learned that I really did enjoy the variety... just not the crap and non-support I was getting from my first husband.

Since Jeremy and I have been married my experiences with new men and their new cocks have greatly multiplied.  I have enjoyed (almost) all of them.  Most importantly, I enjoy my multiple-lover lifestyle because my husband is so supportive, loving, and sharing in each experience.

My best to you.  
(Signed Anonymous)  

