Author: JensenDenmark
Title: Vacation gone awry
Part: all (24)
Summary: Susan on a vacation like she never had been on before


1. Costa Rica
=============

“Honey, we have been waiting for you. If we do not leave now, we
will miss our plane.”

“I am on my way.”

This was so stressful. We were going on Holiday to Costa Rica and
I had to choose between my bathing suits. It is impossible. I
closed my eyes and grabbed on of them before I closed my suitcase
and dragged it downstairs.

Soon we were of to the airport in our car.

We are four in our family. My name is Susan and I am 16 years
old. My brother Tom is a year younger. We are both in High School
but it is so boring and lately we have talked about dropping out
and getting go for a GED instead.

Our parents was not happy about it and got us to stay in school
until this summer holiday, where we would take a vacation to
Costa Rica and talk things over while we were resting.

We saw the brochure. It was a hotel with a ranch like setting
with pool and equestrian school. I have always liked to try to
ride a horse and I was excited with the idea of a visiting a
foreign country.

We arrived at the airport and soon we were away on our plane.

Once we arrived in San Jose after a 3-hour plane ride, a man
stood with a sign: “Stalwarts of Support”, which were the rather
funny name of our Hotel.

We waited while other families joined us. Every one of them had
children of about our age. I would such a fun vacation.

When all the families had found our group, we boarded a bus. The
hotel was some 100 kilometers from San Jose. The road was not
like we were used to. It was jungle all over with small towns
breaking the monotony from time to time. Strange names like
Alajuela and Atenas were on the signs.

At a point I feel asleep but woke when the road turned into a
gravel road. We passed a small village when we saw a white fence
made of steel. That is the hotel, we were told by our guide.

We entered trough a gate with small houses for the security and
drove up to the hotel where we parked in the shadows of a large
tree.

The guide showed us our rooms. I was a little disappointed that
there were only two beds in our room. We were after all 4 persons
and I did not expect to share my bed with my brother, but father
assured us that it was a mix-up and that he was going to see to
that it was solved. Then it was time for the introduction
meeting. We were told that all people under 18 should attend one
meeting and our parents another because there was a large
selection of activities on the ranch for our age group, so we
walked over a small artificial lake on a wooden bridge into to a
large hall.

Once inside we were greeted.

“Welcome to Stalwarts of Support. You are all here because you
have lost motivation in your education. Your parents have chosen
this facility to help you to regain your motivation and perhaps
even study for a while until you are ready to go back in your
normal school. These next weeks will offer you plenty of
challenges, which will enable you to make the right choice. Now
stay put until you are fetched by your parents one by one.”

What was this? It did not sound like a hotel. All the children
began to talk. We were about 10 of us.

I was about ready to leave for my parents when they entered the
room. My father and a male staff-member followed him out and my
mother with a female staff member escorted me out. I demanded an
explanation. “Mother. What is this? We haven't talked about being
enrolled at a facility. We should talk about our future quietly
around the pool.”

“Honey. Just wait and see. We care about you and that is why we
have scanned the Internet for help and have found this place to
seek it. Relax. Then it will be much easier.”

We approached a building. Tom and father have gone in another
direction. Once we got into the building other female staff
members waited for us.

“Undress my dear. You need to be fitted with a dress suitable for
the challenges.”

“No way. I demand an explanation”

Two of the staff members grabbed me under my shoulder and my
mother and the other staff member my clothes of. I tried to shout
at them and kick them but they were too strong. Soon I was naked.


The next thing I felt was that they put leather cuffs on my arms
and feet. There was chains hanging down from the ceiling and
hooks on the floor and before I knew it, I was stretched out.

“Mom. Please. Release me. I promise. I will never drop out of
high school.”

“Sorry. Dear. But the very minute we go home, you will not keep
your word. You have to learn about long-term consequences of your
life and that is what you can learn here.”

“Mom!! You can not do that, I will ….”

A large rubber thing entered my mouth. It was a bit gag. They
fastened it and continued to apply leather straps around my head,
so I could not push it out with my tongue. My speech became
unintelligible when I tried to talk.

I began to sob.

The staff members worked quickly. A wide leather piece went
around my waist and they pulled it very tight with some straps. I
grunted a protest. I could not breathe. Were they going to cut me
into two pieces?

When the waist belt was tight to the point where I began to feel
dizzy, they stopped tightening it and gave me a leather collar
on. It forced my head up.

My mother came over to me. “I do not hope that it is too
uncomfortable, but like most teenagers you have a stooped over
posture and it needs to be corrected.”

The staff members continued to put leather cuffs on my upper and
lower arms. In the end they put a leather piece on that covered
my private parts. It had straps going between my legs.

They released me and the cuffs on my arms were connected to
D-rings on the waist belt. I had no use of my arms.

They guided me over to a chair where I was commanded to sit on.
The waist belt cut into my stomach once I sat down.

They gave me shoes on and told me to stand up. I couldn’t find
the balance and had to be supported. When I looked down, I saw
that they looked like hooves and I walked like I had high heels
on. It was almost unbearable to walk. My feet hurt at once.

They guided me back to the meeting hall. When I entered, I saw
that all of us children, who had arrived today, were wearing the
same bizarre outfit. Tom also. He looked desperate. Beside our
parents, other teenagers wearing outfits like ours by with cuffs
on them present.

We were greeted once more.

“Now that you all have been put in the school uniform, it is time
for you to learn about the program. Before you came here, your
parents have been participating in a parent seminar. Of course
you did not know it, because they had given you excuses like
business trips, short vacation weekend or family matters. You are
now going through a short period of adjustment before you can
take it too. Your parents will be at the hotel the first weeks
and you will several times per week have therapy sessions with
them. When the first two weeks are gone, they will go home and
return shortly before your school holiday is over. In the
meantime you will be put through an interesting journey where you
will look closely at you as a person and investigate the
resources you all have. Now it is time to say good-bye to your
parents before you will be escorted to your quarters.”

My parents came over and hugged me before they continued over to
Tom. Then they left. A girl came over and introduced herself as
Kathy. She told us that she was a level 5 student, before she
pointed at the door. I hesitated. My parents could not do this –
could they?

Then I felt a pain on my butt. Kathy had used a whip on me. I
quickly followed the other students in my group. Outside the
senior students told us to proceed in a single file or we would
taste more of the whip.

We were guided into a complex of buildings where we were going to
sleep. It was staples! Tom and I were put in the same boot and
our gags were removed.

“It is awful. Why have they done this to us? We have not done
anything wrong.”

“I don’t know. It is not like we are using alcohol or drugs. I
just want to do something else with my life than going to high
school.”

“We must persuade our parents to release us in the morning.”

We were about to talk about how we would get them to release us
when some of the senior students came with our food. Because we
could not use our arms they fed us. It was not a culinary
experience but it could be eaten. They removed the cover over our
private parts and told us sleep in the hay. If we needed to use
the toilet, we should sit down on a large bucket in the corner.
We would be cleaned in the morning. I felt it as very disgusting
and humiliating.

We soon fell asleep.

2. Boot camp
============

The next morning, they woke us and followed us to a large
bathroom. There were padded trestles to lie down on our stomach
on and once we did that they strapped us down with wide leather
straps so we could not move. Our bits came in again and the next
thing I felt was something entering my anus. I tried to shout
out, but the bit took most of it. I hurt and I tried to squeeze
but it was of no use. It slipped in. I started to cry. Suddenly I
felt fluid entering my rectum. It was cold and my stomach began
to cramp. It was painful and I had to bite hard on my bit. I
turned my head as much as I could due to the posture collar and I
saw Tom in agony too. The fluid had filled my completely and it
hurt so much that I panted and drool ran down from the bite. The
room was filled with groans and moans from the tormented
students. At a point I simply passed out.

I woke a little later due to a level of pain I had never
experienced before. The flow of the fluid had stopped and they
were releasing the leather straps. They helped me up on my
shaking legs and helped me over to a toilet. Once I sat down, I
spilled my bowels. It seemed to be continuing forever. I was
almost like back then when I had food poisoning at a burger
joint.

When I was finished they took me outside where they cleaned me
with a hose and cold water. The leather piece came in place again
and two of them held me down while another of them inserted
something in my anus. It hurt and I groaned out of pain.

Once they were finished I saw what they did on another of the
new-arrivals from yesterday. It was a kind of rubber plug with
leather braids. They called it a tail. This place was weird.

They assembled us in front of the stables where one of the senior
students told us that we now would undergo the first of 6 levels
in the behavior modification process used at the ranch. Kathy
came over to me and hooked a leash on a D-ring in the front of my
posture collar. Then she took me to over to a cart. I tried to
look for Tom, but he was off with another student.

I was hook on to the cart. Kathy connected reins to my head
harness and took the seat in the cart.

“Go or I will use the whip on you. Giddy up!”

I walked slowly. The cart was heavy. My struggle did not pass
Kathy unnoticed. “You have been careless with your body, but rest
assured that I will see to that you will be in shape.

We walked around the property for an hour. The ranch consisted of
huge areas with grass meadows with small thickets where people
could rest in the burning sun. It was hot and moist. Kathy
stopped the cart every 15 minutes and gave me something to drink.
It was difficult with the bit in my mouth, but I managed.

We returned to the stables where I was unhooked from the cart and
guided into a room where breakfast was served.

They placed us at the tables. On the chairs where were chains,
which they connected to the D-rings on our waist belt. The plug
hurt when I sat down, so I had to shift my weight all time. Then
they released the cuffs on our lower arms so we could eat with a
little difficulty before they removed the bits in out mouth. My
jaw was sore from have the bit in my mouth.

The food was tasty but there was a little too much diet spelled
out over it. However, I was a little unsure about what the
program would be for today, so I hurried eating as much as
possible, so I had some strength to escape on, when I would have
the chance.

After I had finished the breakfast, I looked on my fellow
students. Tom just sat there and looked down in the table as he
had given up all hope. Across the table a girl of my own age was
finishing the last things on her plate.

“What is your name? Mine is Susan.”

“Misty. Why are our parents doing this to us? I only want to be
with my boyfriend.”

“I don’t know. I wanted to drop out of high school and I guess
that it must be the reason for them to do this. In less than two
years, I am 18 and then they cannot decide for me. They must have
been at their wits' end in order to do something that desperate
with us.”

“Us?”

“My brother is sitting just over there.”

“He seems nice. Can you introduce me?”

“I don’t think that we will get the chance.”

Kathy came over and interrupted us. “Are you talking with each
other? I forgot to tell you that we have some rules about that
when you are on Level one.”

“Level one?”

“Yes, we have 6 levels here. Of course you would not get to enjoy
them all, when you only are enrolled for the summer, but the
rules still exist and you have broken them. At this ranch it is
custom to ask for permission rather than taking something for
granted and small talk between two students on level one is
forbidden and therefore you will be corrected.”

 Before we could protest, another staff member came over and
joined Kathy, so our bits were in our mouths in just a few
seconds. We were taken outside to an odd wooden structure. It was
a kind of carousel with 8 large wooden beams going out from the
center.


Misty was placed under one of the beams and I under one of the
others. There was a small chain hanging down from the beam. Kathy
began to attach something on it, while a staff member came up
behind me and held me firm in place. Without showing what she had
in her hands, she suddenly started to lick one of my nipples. It
was disturbing. I am no lesbian. The bit suppressed my protests.
Soon the nipple stood out. Then she put a clamp on it. I screamed
but the bit took most of it. It hurt so much. Another staff
member came in and help the first one, so I could not break
loose. Kathy started to lick the other one. Tears ran down from
my eyes. I knew what was coming. A second time I felt the sharp
pain run into my body. Never in my life had I felt such a pain
before.

Misty had seen what did happen to me and she tried to run away,
but there was no place to run. The staff members brought her back
and soon it was her turn to have the clamps on. She was pleading
and sobbing the best she could, but Kathy had no mercy. The
clamps were put on followed by suppressed screams.

Kathy went over to a control panel and when she pressed it the
structure began to move slowly. We both had to walk slowly or
risk damaging our nipples. It was so awful.

“Now I am going to leave you here for the next hour. The area is
video-monitored, so if there is a problem I will right with you.
Enjoy your exercise.”

She left.

What can I tell? My feet hurt, my legs hurt, my nipples hurt, my
jaw was sore and I was panting from all the exercise, but I had
to keep up the pace.

An hour later Kathy came in and stopped the damn thing. “How have
you enjoyed our walker?” Of course I could not answer. She gave
us both something to drink. “Now. Stand still and rest a little,
while we attach a student more.”

I heard a lot of noise and a student was escorted over to us. It
was Tom. He was very upset, so they had five staff member
escorting him over to us. They had leashed to his leg cuffs, two
places on his waist belt and to his collar. He was twisting and
turning in anger as a wild animal. When he saw where he was going
he went berserk. I could hear him trying to scream “No. no. no.”
as much as the bit allowed. He was placed under one of the beams
and Kathy started to lick his nipples. A staff member had to grab
his head harness, so he could not hurt Kathy with his head. The
other kept the leaches stretched out, so he could not kick her.

The clamps came on and I could see the pain. I cried. Tom has
always been a proud person and he had reason to be. His grades
were way better than mine. Regardless of the choices he would
make, he would do fine. This was way below his dignity and I
could see that they were getting to him.

Once they had finished clamping him on, they removed leashes. The
other spots on the walker were filled out with screaming and
crying students until all eight places were occupied. Then the
walker was started once.

We walked and we walked. I lost track of time. Like the rest of
the students I just adjusted to my fate. Kathy and the other
staff members came by from time to time with water but this time
they did not stop the walker. They walked at our side while they
gave us something to drink.

When the walker was finally stopped it was late in the evening. I
fell to my knees when Kathy removed the clamps. The blood
returned to my nipples and it was so painful. I looked around and
it was the same reaction by all the students.

We all had to be supported back to the room where our breakfast
was served. Now it was dinner and none felt like talking.

When we were finished they escorted us back to the stables where
I tried to talk to my brother, but he was totally shut down, so I
fell asleep quickly.

Then next four days was the same: An Enema, a walk in the
morning, breakfast, the walker, dinner and sleep.

3. Seminar
==========

When I woke, I was exhausted. Every part of my body was sore. I
must have lost weight. The waist belt was not so tight anymore.
Kathy came for us and we were followed over to the building where
the introduction meeting had been held. Was our torment over? Had
our parent reasoned? Were we going home?

Once inside we noticed a group of chairs putted in a circle. We
were both placed in a chair. The other students came in one by
one. When all were present, the gags were removed. Kathy stepped
into the middle and took the word.

“Welcome to your attitude seminar. Our goal as this seminar is
let your learn about the nature in this program but also to
address those issues that made your parents enroll you at the
boot camp.”

Another of the students switch on the music and we all had to
listen to “The Pretender” while a student distributed a notebook
with a lot of questions. Our cuffs on our lower arms were
released and we were given a pencil.

Next followed a number of exercises. We were going to pick a
person in the group and tell whether we trust this person or not.
How could we decide whether to trust a person or not, when we
never had met this person before? Needless to say that it ended
up in a lot of arguments between the senior students and us in
the group.

The seminar went on and we were tired of the previous days of
torment. The music and endless slides with models about those
self-limitation factors, people can bring on themselves began to
plant doubt in me. They had this model about: I am/I am not.

The keywords were: I am not good, loveable, smart, strong, petty,
etc.

I am: Bad, at fault, a mess, trouble, loud, etc.

In order to explain why I suddenly felt the doubt is that I
always have achieved good grades. But the grades came with a
price tag. It was hard work. Sometime I had to redo an assignment
several times. Deep inside I had to be the best if I had to
deserve the love of my parents. It was always my brother, who had
it so easy. Of course he did not get the grades I did, but he had
his athletics and friends. I was a loner, but respected due to my
grades. Was I not good because my parents had sent me here? Was I
a mess or a fault?

The day continued with various psychological games, as I would
call them. Finally late in the evening the seminar was over and
we were guided back to the stables where we got a quick meal
before it was time for our sleep.

4. Family therapy
=================

On day seven my brother and me were taken out to a larger cart
where we both were hooked up. Kathy guided us up to the hotel
where she left us. A man and our parents boarded the cart instead
and we drove off. 15 minutes later we stopped at a small group of
trees where my mother arranged for a picnic. We were unhooked
from the cart and our bits were removed. However, as before only
the cuffs on our lower arms were freed and before we were freed
from the cart the staff member connected a steel bar between our
leg cuffs (he called it a spreader), so we could not walk
properly.

Once our bits were removed, my mother hugged me. “Oh Darling. I
am sorry that they had to be so rough on you, but you were about
to destroy your lives, so we saw no other solution.”

“What? We were only talking about leaving High School.

“That is correct, but you need to see the long-term picture.
Without High School, you cannot go to college or even the
university. Graduating High school is priority number one. When
you have your exam, you are free to do whatever you like.”

“But that is a full year from now. We want out now.”

“You are throwing your future away. That is why we bought this
stay. We care about you and the ed-cons at our school recommended
a wilderness stay for you both, but the thought about hiring
strange people to come into our house and drag out in a desert in
Idaho or Utah was just too much and then of course every year
teenagers like you die out there of thirst or other untreated
diseases. We were shocked to learn how many it is. Most of the
deaths are covered up by settlements in the court and never reach
the newspapers. Considering the risk of you dieing giving you
therapy without us seeing what is going on was totally out of the
question.”

“But this place is awful. We are whipped if we cannot walk”

“Not if you can’t, only if you don’t want to. Both your father
and me have been in Christian schools when we were young. We have
received our share of the cane and it made us to the respectable
citizens we are today. I saw that some of most of my teachers had
a hard on, when they cane us and my math teacher Mrs. Schmidt had
a visible wet spot on her trousers once she caned your father, so
we did choose otherwise when you were younger, but the result has
been laziness, lack of motivation and all this talk about
dropping out of school, so we decided to set out foot down.”

My brother cut in. “Mom. I can understand why you are worried. I
acknowledge that I have been selfish and have not appreciated the
comfort of my home and your care. I thought that getting good
grades meant that I did not have to continue working hard because
they have come to me so easy. I realized that yesterday during
the seminar. I am prepared to work with myself, so I can finish
my senior year with a good result.”

I was angry. Why did he put up with this treatment? It was
unfair. I exploded. “You are a pussy. A little hardship and you
are prepared to kiss their toes.”

My father stepped up behind me. “Don’t insult your brother. You
are disrespectful and a little time out is appropriate.” He held
my hands and my mother connected the cuffs the harness once
again. He inserted a huge gag ball in my mouth. It was larger
than the bite and my jaws could not reach around it. My mouth was
forced wide open. It hurt. I tried to protest but I could not
make understandable sounds.

“You just keep quiet for the next 16 minutes. When we remove it,
give your brother a apology or it will go in for 16 minutes
more.”

They continued to prepare the picnic and when the 16 minutes were
up, I apologized to my brother so I did not miss the meal. What
was wrong with my parents? They have never been so resolute about
sticking to their position.

We started to eat and they told us about exiting outings to the
nearby towns of Abopac and Orotina and how the seminars had
granted them insight to themselves – both as parents and as
persons. “Your father has even learned how to dance.”

I watched in disbelief. Had they got a brain transplant? My
father dancing? I have always considered him to have two planks
for legs.

It all became too much. I started to cry.

“What is wrong – Pumpkin?”

“I don’t understand it anymore. We have always been a happy
family where everyone minded his or her own business but still
were there for each other. Now you are all becoming strangers.”

“No my dear. It is called emotional growth. We were stuck in our
lives and due to the seminars we have realized that we held you
back too. Have you ever had a boyfriend? No and that is because
you do not allow yourself to see outside your comfort zone. Every
day is the same. You struggle during the school day and then you
are going home and watch Cartoon Network the rest of the day. It
is our fault. We believed that as long as you were well-behaved
and made your chores, you would do good here in life, but we are
wrong."

“But I liked my life. It was just the school, I had problems
with.”

“No. You were on your way to live the rest of your life in a
golden cage. Once the first male in due time would pass you would
have jumped into his arms and instead of a room in our house, you
would have a room in his house where you will live the reminder
of your life as his housewife. We have talked many hours with the
therapists here and back home. They all agreed that we needed to
be challenged and move forward in life. That is why we bought
this stay.”

It was pointless to continue this talk with them. The rest of our
meal was done in silence. When it was over, we rested in the
shadows before we had to go again. Our parents had received a map
over the premises. We were harnessed and connected to the cart
but they did not put the gags in. We drove around the lake and
passed the building where the seminar where held.

After some hours we returned to the hotel where they disconnected
us from the cart and guided us into an office where a therapist
named Rick waited for us.

“Well, How has your day been?”

My father started. “Of course they were a little upset by being
sent here as we discussed during the last seminar, but it seems
that they got the message and my son has expressed his
understanding of our decision. We are a little more concerned
about Susan.”

“Susan. Why do you not accept that they are concerned about you?”

“I don’t belong here. I have done nothing wrong.”

“Sorry. Susan. But what you are doing right now, is demonstrating
the denial phase. You need to open your mind so the therapy can
help you. But listen very carefully. I am going to tell you how
this program works. You are going to be here for some weeks. Your
parents will leave tomorrow but they will continue to receive
weekly updates of your situation. Once the program is near the
end and we estimate that you are ready for graduation, your
parents will return here and attend seminars and graduation.”

I had to pop the question. “What if we are not ready?”

“Well, where are a couple of options. Either you go home and
throw your life away or your parents can decide to get some help.
One option could be to live with a host family, which will see to
that you can get a structured life until you are 18 and can
decide for yourself and of course the last option is to be
enrolled here in our anti senioritis program.”

“Are there not some normal schools?”

“In your case it would not be an option, but it is so fortunate
that we have contact with a lot of schools with various solution.
We work with equestrian therapy, so do they at Meditation Inlet
on Jamaica. Meditation Inlet are only for the so-called
zero-tolerance clients and they have also a Victorian Purity
program for parents, who want to make a proper housewife out
their daughter or just a son, which can boil an egg without it
getting burned. Sun Grove Academy is a Christian boarding school
for girls only. You may consider Susan for that. The Motivation
Boot Camp in Mexico is basically the same concept as here but
done in another way because we try to match the needs of every
client on an individual basis.”

My father cut in. “We have read all the brochures but we think
that she should stay here if the boot camp doesn’t result in a
acceptable result. The place seems in order and it is a nice hot
climate, where we can visit her during the Holidays and enjoy the
stay while doing that.”

“Thank you very much. I am happy that you can see progress with
Tom already. I have been thinking about an idea to make Susan
feel happier. If you sign the release form here, I can arrange
for some positive peer pressure. I can assure you that it doesn’t
hurt her.”

They signed the paper and we were followed to the front gate of
the Hotel where Kathy waited. We hugged our parents and then we
were connected to the cart and Kathy drove us back to the
stables. Our parents will go tomorrow and leave us by this
bizarre place. Never in my life had I felt so lonely before.

5. Field work
=============

The next morning, when the morning routine was over, we were
lined up in front of the stables. A lot of students were waiting
all dressed in an orange overall above their harness. We were
connected to a large wagon with 6 other students so we were 8
people pulling each wagon. We walked out of the road for some
miles before we stopped at the field. Then we were released and
given a steel cuff is a kind of hook hanging from it on our right
foot. Kathy told us that it was to prevent us from running from
the other students because the hook would get stuck on scrub. It
was an old trick from the days where slavery was used.

We were told to help the other students by collecting coffee
beans from the field. I carried a basket on my back, which my
brother and some students filled with crops.

We worked all day and we were so tired once we came back to the
stables.

Day after day continued with field works. Finally the entire
harvest had been done and instead Kathy took Tom and me for a
ride down to a small farm where a local family lived. She told us
that we were going to perform some community service by helping
the local struggling population and before we knew of it we were
pulling his plow. Kathy stayed with the family and looked after
us. One evening, when Tom was asleep, I asked her why she was
sent here and she told her story:

“Well, where should I begin? It most had been about a year ago.
It was during the spring break where I met a guy, who became my
downfall or at least I saw it like that when our parents took us
for a “holiday” to this place. We were in love and we spend a lot
of time together and as a result of that our grades slipped.”

“I found this place awful. We are treated horrible.”

“You think so, but in reality you were hurting yourself as much
psychologically as we hurt you physically perhaps even more. When
I arrived here, I reacted like you. I cried, I resisted and I
tried to blame my parents and make them feel guilty, but as I
stayed for some time I learned that it was me, I was trying to
cheat. Today I love my parents for sending me here."

“I am never going to forgive my parents for their actions.”

“You will see it otherwise in few weeks.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Wait and see. You are condemnatory. Let life come to you
instead.”

6. Positive peer pressure
=========================

At the end of the week we went back to the facility. We were
offered a bath and I was done Kathy asked me to follow her before
I had to dress. We went inside a room with mirrors all over it.

“Try to look at yourself.”

I was surprised. I don’t like my body, but these two weeks in
Costa Rica had made me loose weight in all the right places.

“I can see that you are astonished but I guess that you are not
very much into exercise back home.”

I did not answer her, but she was right.

She came over to me. “What about you enjoying your level 2 status
a little? Come with me.”

We went into another room where two other girls waited.

“I have to present you for Lola and Patricia. We are going to
have a little group session, but first we have to get you
dressed. There is no need for the harness before later. Lets do a
ritual before the group session starts. You are entering a new
life leaving your old wasted life back. So close your eyes so I
can give you a blindfold on.”

I did but then I felt the two girls grab my arm and Kathy gave me
a leather hood on. It had a gag ball inside and Kathy started to
lace the hood tight, so I had to open my mouth for the gag ball.
When she was finished, I felt leather around my waist. It was a
corset. Soon my stomach felt, as they were about to cut me into
two pieces.

They guided me over to a bed and forced me down on my back. My
arms and feet were cuffed so I was stretched out. I was scared.
What were they about to do with me?

Then I felt it. One of them licked one of my nipples. The other
two joined in and started to lick the other nipple and my pussy.
I did not know what to go. I am a virgin and I am certainly not
into girls. But somehow they managed to bring odd feelings into
my body. I had this chilly feeling running down my spine. It
began to find it pleasant. I moaned inside the hood. I did not
know whether they were able to see that I enjoyed it.

Suddenly there was a finger inside me. I pulled my restraint.
This was not the way I expected to loose my status as a virgin.
They stopped. Kathy removed a part of the hood so I could see.

“Sorry Susan. I did not know that you were so innocent, but we
are going to change that.” She clicked the blindfold back on. I
was released from the bed, but my arms were cuffed on my back
instead. They gave me a collar on and positioned me in the bed so
that I was resting on my knees. A chain was connected to my
collar and my feet were chained to the bed frame again, so my
legs were spread out.

Suddenly I felt a pain from my nipples. They had put nipple
clamps on. I groaned from pain. They must have added some weight
to the nipples clamps because I felt it like my nipples were
pulled down. The pain was beyond belief. Then one of them began
to lick my pussy again. Soon the pain from my nipples was
forgotten and my pussy was wet again.

Suddenly I felt something entering my pussy. I tried to move away
but then I pulled at the chain attached to my collar and it made
me cuff. Two of them helped me by supporting my body. Whatever it
was that were pushing against my virginity broke it and entered
me. A shock went through my body.

First it was still then it began to move forward and backward.
There was a little pain but then I began to enjoy it. It began to
move faster and I was so wet down there that I felt it like it
was running out of me. I grunted loudly. I had never experienced
such pleasure. Just as I was close to climax I felt something
else being pulled over the leather hood. Suddenly I could not
breathe. I came at once. Restricted from breathing freely I felt
wave after wave roll through my body. Then I passed out.

When I woke I was lying on my back on the bed. I still had the
leather hood on but they had removed the mouthpiece with the gag
ball and the eye cover.

Kathy took the word. “I hope that we have shown you that this
program is not all about hard work and punishment. If you let
your feelings free and accept our love, you will develop as a
person.”

Although I had to admit that it was pleasant, I did not like that
they had force it on me. “I am not a lesbian.”

“There you go again. Always focusing on the negative part.”

“But.”

“No but. We could have given you a day pulling the plough but we
choose to demonstrate positive peer pressure instead. Why can you
get it into your head that we are trying to help you? Why are you
hiding a shell of negativity? Do you believe that life have
anything good in store for you?”

I was confused. Am I a lesbian? Why did my body betray me? I
began to cry.

They came over and caressed my body. “Susan. Don’t fight your
feelings. Embrace our love for you. Group hug!”

We hugged each other and one of the girls wiped my tears away. I
guess that some of the odd stuff going at this place was not so
bad at all.

7. Dropping out of seminar
==========================

During the weeks since the last seminar, we had an hour every day
where we had to work on our post-detection Workbook. I was having
a hard time about the automatic reaction. I am not such a person,
who just jumps into activities, so I could not find anything.

Well, I knew that we were coming to an end of this boot camp. I
just have to go through the seminar and then I would be going
home. What a waste this summer had been. I could have been
spending my time on the beach or earned some money on a summer
job. No Spring Break for me! Even if I stayed in High School, I
was broke.

Kathy came for us and we went to the house where the seminars
were held. A staff member welcomed us to the focal seminar and we
started to go through our workbook. Soon I found myself in
trouble.

“Susan. I am disappointed. Everybody use an automatic reaction
from time to time. Lets take an example: Your parents tell you to
wear a helmet when biking to school regardless of the fact that
you have a bicycle path all the way to the school. What would be
your answer?”

“I think that it is crap because when I does not need to cross
the road and risk being hurt, why would I have to protect
myself.”

“See that is an automatic reaction. Your parents brings a
sensible up – that you have to wear a bicycle helmet in order to
protect yourself but you turn it away because it could ruin your
hairdo or something like that. Is that not being in a defense
mode where everything you parents suggest is followed by a no
from you.”

“Not everything.”

“You are in denial and that is why I do not think that you are
ready to go the entire way through this seminar and learn
something from it. I think that you should choose to leave.”

“What?”

“Yes” He stepped back and addressed us all. “What I am going to
tell you now, it very important. You are free to leave anytime.
Of course you would not pass this seminar and will fail the boot
camp, but none can change what they do not acknowledge. So if
anyone like Susan feel that they are not ready to work with
themselves in order to ensure emotional growth, they are free to
leave.”

“But what about our parents? Would they not be angry?”

“Well. I won’t lie to you. They can choose take you to another
place, they can enroll you here for an entire year or they can
take you home and let you sign a home contract, which outlines
what you can do or not. Of course they also can choose to take
you home and let you do, what you want to until you are 18 and
then kick you out on the street that very day. All I can say is
that there are a number of options.”

I stood up. I could live with the risk of being kicked out on the
street. Back home I had family who knows me well enough to know
that I am not a troubled youth. I could live at their place if my
parents kicked me out, which I did not find very likely. “I
redraw from this seminar.”

“Very well Susan. I accept your decision. Please go back to the
main building and relax. You have the rest of the day off.”

I went down to the main building and found a deck chair near the
pool. After a while I feel asleep. When I woke Kathy stood by me.

“Susan. I am a little disappointed in you. I had expected that
you were a hard worker. Now you cannot graduate and if your
parents pull you, I will have seen the last of you. I will miss
you.”

She started to cry and sat down in the chair next to mine. “What
have I done wrong?”

“Kathy. You have not done anything wrong. I just don’t think that
I have a problem. My parents just overreacted when they sent my
brother and me to this place.”

She sobbed. “You are so wrong and you can not see it. It is my
fault. I have to impose self-correction on myself. Come with me.
Lets go back to the stables and have some dinner.”

8. The return of my parent’s
============================

The days went by and we continued to work in the fields. One
afternoon we were pulling a wagon with fodder for the cattle.
When we passed a turn our parents waited for us. We were excited
and they can by and hugged us. When we were back at the stables
and freed from the harnesses and bits we all embraced each other.


“Oh. You have lost weigh and look how many muscles you have.”

We went inside and found a table to sit down on. My father
started to speak.

“Susan. We are worried about you. You did not pass the seminar
and we think that there is a real danger that you will throw your
life away on a McJob career if we took you home together with
Tom.”

“You are leaving me here.

“Yes. We are. We are doing it for your own best. But don’t
despair. We will visit you in the Holidays. This place is not
like most facilities where isolation and banishment is the key
factor or even all factors in the treatment.”

“What about my school credits?”

“We have arranged that your credits earned here will be approved
back home if they can come, if you take additional classes down
in the city.”

“I find it unfair. I will miss my senior year, spring break and
graduation – even prom.”

“You will have all these things here. The management has assured
us that you will able to celebrate graduation and prom at the
local high school, when the time comes. As for spring break it is
all about illegal drinking and sex. You would not have been
allowed to participate in such activities anyway.”

“They have sex here too.”

“But only for therapeutic purposes and we have a written
assurance that it is conducted in a safe manner, so you don’t get
pregnant. You will learn to love this place and the people at it
in the end. They have so much to offer you.”

“But Tom is going home.”

“Yes, he did pass the seminar and we did hope that you had done
it also. But you did choose not to all by your own.”

“It was so irrelevant.”

“No, it was hard issues, which you have and did not choose to
deal with. What kind of parents would we be if we let you live a
life with struggles when we could have arranged for professional
help in time?”

I left the table and stood by myself. I began to cry. Left at
this dreadful place far away from everything I have known to
endure a full year living like an animal was more that I could
cope with.

Kathy came over to me. “They have told you that you are staying,
haven’t they?”

I nodded.

“I was told this morning about their decision. Don’t worry. You
can handle it. Come with me.”

We sat down under a tree.

“Let me tell you my story. Like you I was an ordinary student,
who minded my own business. There was nothing about violence,
drugs and alcohol. In fact most of the teenagers placed in
private care called wilderness therapy, therapeutic boarding
schools and boot camps has hard issues with those things. And
they shouldn’t have. They belong in juvenile detention centers
instead. But one thing sent me here and this thing is called sex.
I loved this boy and I neglected my school works. Before I met
the boy I was given straight A’s, but suddenly I started to earn
B’s instead, so my parents sent me here last summer. In the start
I also thought that it just was a matter of doing time, but soon
I discovered that a relationship causes me to forget myself. I
had to learn the hard way that a relationship means that both
parties should leave room for the partner.”

“But what if there is not problem it fix.”

“You have problems but you need to dig deeper in order to see it
yourself.”

Later I joined my family again for dinner, but I was not in mood
for talking and I went to bed after we had eaten.

9. Becoming a year-round student
================================

The next morning Kathy came for me.

“Susan. You are being transferred to the stable for year-round
students, so say goodbye to your brother.”

Tom and I hugged and cried because Kathy took me over to another
stable where I should live at least the next 10 months. Once
inside she asked me to strip, so I could get ready and pointed to
a chair.

When I was seated Kathy strapped my arms to a couple of cuffs, I
did not notice before. Next came cuffs at my feet and a leather
strap around my waist before it ended with a collar around my
neck, so I was fully immobilized.

“What are you going to do?”

“You have to enter your new world as a newborn child, so I am
going to shave all your hair off.”

“WHAT!!”

“Just sit still and it will be over in a couple of minutes.”

“No you can not do it. Please let me free!”

I cried for mom and dad and just when Kathy was about to start,
my mother entered the room.

“Please mom. You can not let her shave all my hair off.”

“In fact I have come to calm you down during the process.” She
came over and held my hand.

Kathy started to shave my head. First she used a machine then she
continued by using a razor. My head was soon totally bald. All I
could do was to sob. Then she moved down to my private area.

“Why are you doing that?”

“Newborn babies do not have hair there”.

When Kathy was finished removing all my hair, which included hair
under my arms and between my breasts they helped me out of the
chair and guided me to the bathroom. I was given an enema, which
I was very used to by now, so it was not a big deal. Next I was
allowed a bath.

When I was finished it was time for my new uniform. First came
the leather corset. It was smaller, so my mother gave me
suspension cuffs on and I was hoisted in the air so I just barely
could touch the floor with my toes. They laced it very tight, so
I gasped for air several times. When they were done I was lowered
to the floor and the cuffs came of. Kathy came with a leather
peace for my arms.

“What is that?”

“That is an armbinder. Place your hands on your back.”

They pulled it up over my arm with some struggle. When they were
done, Kathy tied a strap around my wrist and they started to lace
the armbinder tight. My elbows were forced closer to each other
and it felt unpleasant but they ignored my protests. It took a
while before they were finished and they applied a pair of
leather straps over my shoulder.

“Now for your head gear. In order to protect your ball head you
have to have this white leather hood covering your head.”

“So. Now it is finished, Open your mouth! You are about to enter
a new part of your program, so the next couple of days you will
go through a orientation phase, where you just have to observe
how our daily schedule are. Then you will join our group therapy
session where you will apply to be a part of our group by telling
what you can contribute with. Once accepted in the group you take
it from there, but until the orientation phase is complete you
are not allowed to talk, so you will be gagged with a pecker gag
with a shield.”

Kathy applied the headgear and when she was finished, she let be
look in the mirror.

I sobbed when I saw the result. This looked to permanent. They
had removed my hair. Even my face seemed altered without my
eyebrows.

Kathy hugged me. “See. Now all your defenses are gone. Like so
many girls of your age, a large part of your identity lies in
your appearance. We have removed this absent-mindedness element,
so now you can are working with the core of your mental health. I
am so looking forward to work with you and help you with your
emotional growth.”

My mother also came over. “I know that this is a kind of extreme,
but we can not let you throw your life away. We love you and wish
you the best.”

When we went outside, my brother and father waited. I could see
the shock in their face, but they tried the best to keep their
surprise under control. “Honey. We all love you and hope to see
you recover from you addition for an unplanned career.”


All three hugged me and then they left.

Kathy took me away. “Parting can be painful. Come with me, so you
can get something else to think about.”

She took me to the walker. “There is nothing like exercise, when
you have to get over the prospect of hard work in front of you.”

She closed the blinders of on the headgear, so I could not see
and then I once against experienced the pain from the nipple
clamps. She must be crazy. How should I use the walker when I am
blindfolded? My breasts will be torn apart. I waited in fear on
the walker to start. I could hear Kathy move around. What was she
doing?

Suddenly I felt something big pressing against my sphincter.
“Susan. Relax – or it will hurt even though I have lubricated it.
It is just your tail.”

I feared that she would split my right open so I tried to as she
said. The pain however was intense. I moaned and shook my head.

A shock went through my body when it slipped in. Kathy opened the
blinders and reached behind me. She held something up. “See. That
is your new tail. Pretty. Isn’t it?”

She went over and switched the walker on. Then she left me.

Hours went by or at least it felt so.

Kathy returned with two other students in the same outfit like
mine.

“Hey. Susan. Say hello to Billy and Tammy. They are two new
enrollees like you.”

It could see tears in their eyes. I had not seen them at the boot
camp before, so they must have arrived today.

They were attached to the walker also and we all were kept busy
for the next hour. It was evening before they took us back to the
stables.

I cried when they left me for the night. I had lost everything.
My family had abandoned me; my friends at the high school had no
knowledge where I was so none could help me. Basically my life
was gone.

10. Seminar – second try
========================

A month later I sat in the hall where I had failed to pass the
seminar the month before.

What had I learned?

It took me a while. For a while I was caught up by self-pity
after my family had left me. Kathy tried her best by pushing me.
One day she took me out for a long ride. Instead of attaching
bells with nipple clamps, she put some heavy weights on and every
step I took meant pain. After a mile or two, I forgot the pain of
being abandoned and when we stopped, Kathy sat down with me and
talked.

We went over my decision of leaving high school and suddenly it
became so clear for me. My decision about leaving High School was
based on my fear of graduating. If I graduated, I had to leave my
home for college. I would have to leave my comfort zone.

If I dropped out I could properly live at home until I had earned
enough money and move into a small department or get married. But
it was playing it safe. Everyone who wants can get a business
career with Mcjob written all over it. But in order to grow and
get an exiting career, you have to take a risk. Risks are
something you meet by leaving your comfort zone.

I remember the sentence in the workbook: “Growth can only happen
when you are uncomfortable.”

The author could not be more right.

Having a butt plug in your rear, a bit in your mouth, being
mechanical restrained are uncomfortable, I will sign a document
every second on that.

Why did I not see it before?

I guess I needed to go down the rough path before I could see the
light.

Anyway from that day on, I worked hard with my workbook.

However, it was not easy. Now where I was a full time student, I
got additional chores on the ranch. I remember a morning when
Kathy came for me.
After the enema I prepared myself for a trip to the walker.

Instead Kathy came with another gag. As she inserted it, I
discovered that it had a kind of tube instead of a bit. It had a
rubber plug like the ones you use in a bathtub. I soon became
sore in my jaw and tried to protest, but Kathy ignored me.
Instead I got a latex hood with an opening for the mouth on so I
could not see anything. Kathy zipped it and I couldn’t either see
or hear anything.

Another senior student must have joined Kathy and they took me
under my arms and guided me for a walk. After a while they took
me into a room where they guided me down on my knees. I waited.
Nothing seems to happen. Then I felt someone doing something
about the gag. I could feel that they had removed the rubber
plug. What were they going to do?
Suddenly I felt something warm entering my mouth. I tasted it
with my tongue and it struck me: It was a penis!

I tried to pull back but someone held my head. I was forced to
caress it with my tongue, so I could get it over with.

After a while the owner of the penis came. He must have missed
ejaculation for some time because it was intense. I could not
swallow it all. I coughed. Eventually he stopped and the plug was
put in again. I had to swallow the contents.

I was alone again. When were they going to take me back? I
sobbed. This was degrading.

Suddenly the plug was removed once again and a new penis was
forced in. It was big. I coughed when it hit the back on my
mouth. It almost went down my throat. Once again someone held my
head. I panicked. Every time it hammered all the way in, I could
not breathe. I tried to twist my head, but they held it in an
iron grip. I was on the edge of passing out. Then he came in my
mouth. It was a waterfall. I tried to drink it but it ran down
from the gag. When I coughed, I could feel how it spattered from
the gag. It was unbearable. I could not breathe.

I must have passed out, because I woke with Kathy standing over
me. They had removed both the hood and the gag.

“Oh. I am sorry. I was so worried. I forgot to tell you that you
have to breathe through your nose.”

I sat up with difficulties. They had not removed the arm binder.

“Why are you doing this to me? I have never been with boys
before. You almost killed me.”

“You are now a part of the ranch. We have these male students. No
male can go for long period without relief without an increased
risk of developing prostate cancer over years. So in order to
ensure their heath, we milk them one time per week. You on the
other hand are about to develop into a woman. By having you
entering a program involving emotional growth we have to assume
that you are sexual active. I was, but what kind of normal 16
year old are not?”

“I am a virgin. I love my music, my books. I do not need a man in
my life.”

“You are playing it safe again. You are not willing to risk love
because you are not willing to risk rejection. What about if you
woke from your sleep?”

Her words hit me as hard as if she had used her fists.

She was so right. I was living like a pre-teen playing it safe
and remaining a child.

Over the next weeks I looked at my life with help from my
workbook and now I was going into the seminar with a totally
different attitude.

A day later I passed the seminar.

11. Andrew
==========

Life got easier when I passed the seminar. One morning Kathy took
me from the tables without the normal routine of the enema.
Instead she took me into the fitting room where she handed me an
overall.

“Welcome to level three. You are now a groom. It means that you
have to staff the new arrivals some days, while you have to
continue to work with yourselves on other days. But beware. You
can get demoted back to the lower levels if you overstep the
rules here at the facility.”

When I was dressed I looked in the mirror. I was still missing
the most of my hair, but now where I was on level three I would
not be shaved every Monday. Along with the overall, I also got a
belt where I could carry a whip and bottles of water.

“Use the whip with thoughtfulness.”

She came over and embraced me.

“Remember. We do this out of love for our fellow human beings. We
are each other brothers keeper.”

She kissed me. I could not resist myself. I turned toward her and
we kissed each other.

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. A part of the program is learning compassion for each
other. When we sometime in the future leave this program, I can
promise you that none outside the program would understand how we
feel. You cannot explain it to your parents or other outsiders.
Not even you future boyfriend or husband.”

She was right. Being in this environment would be impossible to
explain others.

“Now. Come with me. I will tell you how to handle a Foal.”

We went over to the stable where some staff members from the
escort division waited. It was to huge Mexican looking types with
the well-known “Outsourced Teenage Journey” printed on their
back. Deep inside me I am grateful that it was my parents who
took me here. I know they fooled me, but I can not imaging the
trauma, which could come from being woken by complete strangers
in your own bedroom and hauled off to a boot camp or a
therapeutic boarding school like this.

The new foal was a boy with name of Andrew. Kathy watched me
while I processed him.

When he was hanging stretched out he protested a bit, but I
silenced him with a bit gag. When I took the corset out, I could
see the shock in his eyes. Most of our male student doesn’t know
their history. They believe that corsets are only something for
women to wear, but it has not always been so.

I began to pull the laces. After a while every tug was followed
by a grunt from Andrew. Kathy nodded out of acknowledgement. She
was satisfied with my job.

The ends of the corset were not fully closed, but I stopped and
left Andrew hanging while I went with Kathy for a cup of coffee.
The fabric at his corset needed to rest before we could lace it
fully.

When we sat down, Kathy gave me a letter from my parents. They
congratulated me with passing the seminar and wished that I would
keep up the good work. They had planed to come and see me at
Christmas. In a way I wished that I like all the previous years
could have celebrated Christmas at home, but I knew that my days
as a child were gone. I could never return as the same person, I
once had been.

I tried to think how it would be once I returned. My classmates
would never understand my stay. I remembered how Brian – a
student from my class – returned a year ago from 9 weeks of
wilderness. From being a person, who socialized with everybody,
he turned into a person somewhat distanced. His only goal in life
seemed to be the schoolwork. We all thought that he must have
been through hell, but now I understand that his silence had to
do with that we had nothing in common as long as we had not been
through the same ordeal.

Kathy noticed my silence. “Now you are not going to burry
yourself with self pity? You came here for a reason. Do not loose
focus.”

Kathy was right – as always.

We went back to Andrew.  The corset look fine but his member
stood out. I ignored it first and continued to lace him. We
worked in silence. Only a grunt from Andrew whenever I tugged was
heard.

When I was finished I could see that I dripped down from his
member. I had to help him before we tried to put the harness on.

I found a butt plug with a built-in vibrator, which I lubricated.
Then I slowly inserted it. Andrew protested as much as he could
with the gag in his mouth. Suddenly it slipped in and I could
feel how Andrew body reacted with a shock. It must be the first
time for him. While I had worked the plug in, his member had lost
its former pride, but then I started the vibrator and caressed
his member.

I regained its size and then I took it in my mouth. We had to
help this boy and I was my task as a groom to see to that Andrew
entered the program as fast as possible.

I pumped the plug. It had a built-in vibrator and I started it. I
could feel how tense it was for him. His body began to shake. He
would not surrender but I did not give up. I had decided to work
the program and as Kathy had told me males generally should be
considered weak. Their destiny in life is too spread their semen
around to as many women as possible in order to preserve the
survival of their genes. Other the other hand it was the job of
us women to seek the best partner with the strongest genes. Two
conflicting goals if I had to say.

A minute later my mouth was filled with his juices.

As I dried it I looked at his face. I could see tears running
down from his eyes. We had destroyed his defenses and we had not
even started the orientation phase, where he would be a foal. He
would do well in the program.

We lowered him and gave him the leather cuffs on and strapped a
leather flap between his legs so it covered over his member. He
just looked shamefully down into the ground. We could not have
that, so I gave him the posture collar on. Then I guided him to
the walker. I could see the fear in his eyes when I grabbed the
nipple clamps hanging down from one of the arms on the walker.

He tried to back away, but Kathy held him firm. I licked his left
nipple and when it was erect I put the clamp on. He shook his
head as he was trying to say no. When clamp came on, his face
became twisted from the pain. I fought to remain on his feet and
I started to lick the other nipple. He could of course not move
very much because he would have pulled on the chain of his left
nipple. As I clipped the clamp on his right nipple, he grunted
out of pain and he started to cry again.

I let him get used to the pain before I started to walker. The
next two hours would be pure hell but as we state it here: “If it
doesn’t kill you, it will benefit you.”

12. Christmas History lesson
============================

A month later I was out in the field with Andrew. Only a week ago
he had managed to work himself up to the horse level. I was proud
of him. His problem was that he was afraid to speak up while he
was among people, which is not good in school. In fact we
discovered that a lot of the times he was noted for not doing his
homework in his old school, he had done them, but choose to lie
because he could not get himself to stand up and present it
before his classmates.

I saw a cart nearing us. It was the manager – Rick Norman. Kathy
was pulling for a change, but even as Riding Master, students at
the highest level had to do service as horse periodically.

He stopped right in front of me.

“Susan. I am happy to announce that we have a new guest teacher
coming down from Arizona to teach us history lessons. I have
selected students who have honored themselves by outstanding
performance academically and you are one of them. Keep up the
good work.”

Then signaled Kathy and the other student pulling the cart to
move with the reins and they left.

I was happy. My work had paid off.

A week later we greeted Mr. Nelson – our new guest teacher. He
was a well known for his knowledge about the conquest of the Wild
West and especially the Indian wars.

He explained that we were to learn history by the use of
role-play. He was been working as volunteer at a summer boot camp
for juveniles in Arizona where they re-enacted the life of a
soldier during that period.

We all got manuscripts so we could practice during the evening.
The next fourteen days we were going through Boot Camp, as it was
the case for soldiers in the army around 1860.

We got clothes issued with almost normal underwear, which were
odd to wear after several months of wearing the normal school
uniform.

The next morning or should I say early morning, we were woken and
ushered in a ridiculous exercise program. We ran and we jumped.
We stood in parade. Andrew was not as strong as us yet. We had
months or training pulling carts. So Mr. Nelson took him and tied
his hands on his back. To our horror a staff member went to a
tree and threw a rope so he could make a noose. Andrew was forced
over to the tree protesting and before he knew it, he had the
noose around his neck.

We pleaded with Mr. Nelson, but he explained us that discipline
was far more severe back then. He tightened the noose so Andrew
was forced up on his tip of his toes and left him standing and
coughing.

The exercise continued all afternoon. Our uniforms, which were
dark blue when we started, were almost gray in the evening and we
had only been provided water all day. During the few rests we
were allowed we had to give Andrew something to drink. The poor
boy – he suffered so badly.

The next day was the same, but this time I could not keep up the
pace when we only had a half hour left. Again the staff-members
restrained me and guided me crying over to the hanging tree,
where I was forced up almost to the point where I could not reach
the ground with my feet. I was so tired but every time I tried to
relax in my legs the noose became tighter. I felt my tongue being
forced out of my mouth and I coughed all time. At a point during
the last break, Kathy supported my body while Andrew gave me
something to drink.

When the training was over, they had to carry me to the dinner.

The following days none dared to fail during the exercise. After
2 weeks the boot camp were over.

Mr. Nelson came the next morning and told us about the role-play.
Around 1862 a military commission sentenced a large number of
Indian criminals. This incident was kind of special because the
president at that time – Mr. Lincoln – interfered with the court
system, because he was concerned with the reaction from the
European nations if all the convicted persons would have been
executed.

I was a little concerned because I – together with Andrew - had
to play some of the Indians.

But nevertheless I soon found myself in shackles placed before a
number of fellow students playing judges, witnesses and soldiers.


Using transcripts of the original trials I was convicted and
sentenced to death in an hour. I sure hope that the trials of
today give the accused better protection. I don’t know very much
about the law, but there was not much evidence.

Kathy and Andrew received the same verdict and 5 of us were
placed in a room.

Mr. Nelson stepped in. “In the original number of trials 39 were
found guilty after President Lincoln had interfered out of fear
of the European reaction if all about 300 criminals had been
convicted. For some unknown reason only 38 people were standing
on the gallows on the December 24, 1862. Today – 145 years later
we are going to re-enact the incident. Soldiers – prepare them
for the gallows.”

Our fellow students came in and removed the shackles. I had to
say that I became more worried. Instead of ropes, which could
leave marks they restrained us with a pair of leather cuffs on
our upper arms with a strap between them on our backs and a pair
of leather cuffs on our hands in the front. Just so we could
follow the role-play they had altered the hoods so there was a
flap, which enabled us to see even when the hood were pulled over
our heads.

Mr. Nelson spoke again: “Back in 1862 the condemned where in
peace with their faith. That is of course not the case with you,
so the cheerful exit they were able to give, we cannot expect
from you, so the singing etc. is going to be done by your
friends.”

As he finished speaking gag balls were shoveled into our mouths.
Then we were forced to bend and before we knew it they had
slipped our trousers off and with a short but intense pain as
result they had inserted a butt plug in our behinds.

The hoods were pulled our heads and we were marched out from the
room with a staff-member of student at each side.

When we entered the yard five nooses were waiting for us.

THEY ARE GOING TO DO IT!

We are going to hang!

I tried to twist and shout but they held me firm and of course
the gag ball prevented them from understanding any of my words.

I was placed just behind the noose. I cried as they tightened the
noose and pulled the rope so taut that I was forced up on my
tiptoes.

I turned my head and I saw the other students waiting as me. I
could see the shock in their eyes. None had expected this.

Surely they can’t do this. What would our parents say?

Suddenly the students began to sing. Are they crazy?

Our teacher had a last announcement. “Due to the risk of breaking
your necks we do not use a drop. Instead we are going to hoist
you slowly. If you concentrate and show how mature you are by
showing endurance, you will pass this test of your concentration.
Don’t move or the rope will tighten and it will be unpleasant.
Good luck”

A student came forward with a drum and he start to use it with a
slow rhythm. The other students continued to sing hymns, but I
could see that several of them had tears running down their
cheeks. The seemed so serious, but this was just a play – wasn’t
it?

It took forever. I turned to see Andrew. I could see that that
his tears had created a wet spot on the hood under his eyes. I
could also see that his member was erect.

A staff member went by us one by one and adjusted the noose
before he let the flap down. I was in darkness and I could hear
the drum going on with the student singing in the background but
soon it was my own breathing in the hood that filled my mind.

In – out – in – out. The hood moved with my breathing.

For how long will they let us stand like this?

They could not hang us – couldn’t they?

We would be released soon. It had to be a dream.

Suddenly I felt the rope being pulled up. I coughed. I tried to
gain foothold with my feet but I couldn’t find any.

I was hanging!

I am going to die!

The pain from my neck was intense. I tried to a little but then I
felt how the noose tightened a little. Then I remembered Mr.
Nelson’s word. It was a test of our patience and maturity. I
tried to remains as still as I could. I could feel how my body
slowly swung from side to side. I coughed again. My body began to
feel so heavy.

I don’t know for how long I hang there, but suddenly I felt the
plug increase in side inside my. Those bastards. It was an
inflatable one. Next I felt how it began to vibrate. The shock
made me move a little and the noose began to tighten further. I
couldn’t breathe anymore. Every time I exhaled my lounges felt
like a plastic bag crumpling.

I panicked and began to kick out for a foothold. Of course there
were not any but the moving of my feet were beyond my control. I
felt my tongue being forced out of my mouth. Odd rasping sounds
were leaving my mouth and the pain from my neck was so intense. I
was in total agony when my bladder suddenly lost control. I
remember thinking about the embarrassment of pissing myself in
front of my fellow students. Then I lost consciousness.

When I came to myself I was lying on a bed. One of the students
looked at me. “Welcome back to your new life. I guess that all
the bad-doing and evilness are now killed off.”

I sat up slowly. “What about Kathy and Andrew?”

“They are both fine. Kathy held up the longest before we took her
down.”

Later we sat in the living room in the main building where we saw
a video footage of the role-play.

We were guided into position and the nooses were placed around
our necks. Then a staff member went by one-by-one and adjusted
the noose and closed the flap just as I remembered. As I watched
how we all stood hooded waiting for out fate a tear left my eye.

Then the ropes were pulled and we were lifted a bit in the air.
Our feet were just a few inches off the ground. Most of us were
able to control our self with only our legs seeking foothold. It
was odd to see yourself in such a situation. One of the girls
however panicked at once and began to kick violently. Her fists
clenched and I was obvious that she was in agony. I turned and
saw Phyllis crying.

Back on the video her body suddenly became still and she pissed
herself. Her body was lowered and the noose removed before she
was removed from the scene on a stretcher.

A couple of minutes later one of the other girls panicked as well
and struggled hard until she also became limp releasing the
contents of her bladder.

Now there was only Andrew, Kathy and I left hanging. Andrew’s
member stood out hard. I could see that he was blushing. Suddenly
it started to spout his juices out. At the same time he began to
kick and twist in his restraints. His movements died out and
after a while there was only some shivering left and his member
hanged down dripping.

His body was lowered and removed. Now we only were two left. And
we were able to keep our bodies still. A staff member went behind
us and I could see that a shock went through both our bodies. It
must have been when they began to play with the plug. I could see
that a shock went through my body and the next moment I was
kicking and twisting. I sobbed as I relieved the ordeal but
strangely enough another odd feeling spread through my body that
caused me to become wet in my private parts.

On the screen the movements of my body had died out and a flow on
urine ran down between my legs. I was also lowered and removed
from scene. I couple of minutes later it was Kathy’s turn to
start kicking. As she was finished wetting herself they lowered
her too and Mr. Nelson ended the play by reading some of the
statements from the original trial and thanked us for our kindly
participation.

We were all tired and went back to bed.

When I woke the next morning I box stood in front of me with a
letter. There were sweets inside. The letter was from my family.
They wished me merry Christmas and reminded me that I could go
home in spring if I continued the program to the end. I went down
to Kathy’s room where I saw that she also was enjoying a gift
from her family.

We talked about yesterday and thought that it was too hard. Rick
Norman came by and told me that I now was a Horse Breaker – level
4 before he wished us merry Christmas and left.

There were no school or exercises this day. Christmas in a
program is an odd thing.

13. Lifespring
==============

It was in February. I was called down to the office together with
Kathy and Ashley. Mr. Norman was waiting for us and told us to
sit. He had an announcement.

“As you know the behavior modification business is growing fast
and we have over 100 competitors, which are offering all kinds of
program; wilderness therapy, Christian boarding schools, ordinary
boarding schools like us and boot camps. We are trying to be the
leader of the pack and our beloved president of WWADS has been
looking into the Lifespring programs developed in the start of
the 70’s. Today different versions of these programs are used all
over the United States at many schools. We would like to test the
last part of the program on you. It means that you have to travel
abroad. Normally the destination would be here, but recently the
government in Costa Rica has been though on programs with roots
in the States, so today the schools are traveling to Europe and
other continents.”

“Are you saying that we have to travel to another country?”

“Yes, you are going to attend school in another culture for a
month. Are you up to it?"

Regardless of how safe I felt here at the ranch deep inside I
knew that I some day had to leave it. I had to face a life
outside, so I agreed to the offer as well as the other girls.

A week later we were standing in the airport bound for our
destination. A single staff member – Mrs. Suttrow - followed us.
I was excited. Beside the ranch, I had never been outside the
States before. We flew for many hours and landed in London. Then
we slept on some benches in the airport before we boarded the
plane to Tangier. I had never heard about the place before so it
was when I scanned a magazine onboard the plane that I discovered
that it was in Africa.

We arrived at the airport just south of Tangier late afternoon.
When we left the plane and had picked up our luggage, we met our
contact person Mr. Masuk in the arrival hall. He had bags with
our clothes. First we was a little surprised, but he explained
that it was for our own protection because people tend to see
women from the Western culture as sluts due to their dresses and
behaved accordingly. Second of all there was a dress code at the
boarding school where we were supposed to live and attend classes
the next month.

We went inside the toilet and were shocked when we discovered
that we had to wear burkas. We were only to see through a mesh.
Once we were outside again, Mr. Masuk explained that Chadris as
the version we had on was called was normally not needed, but as
foreigners we could be recognized if we did not disguised
ourselves. A part of our trip was to move around along in the
local community in order to learn their culture, so we had no
choice: Either wearing Chadri or having to be confined to the
boarding school for the entire stay.

Outside the airport a car was waiting for us. We left the airport
and drove north to the town of Tangier. Seeing through a net
removes some of the details but still it was spectacular view. We
drove by the market and I was happy that I was not the driver.
People were walking all over and I don’t know how if there was
rules or laws at all covering the area.

We left the city and began to drive west along the coastline
where we passed two small rivers. A couple of miles outside the
town we saw an area with swimming pool and luxury apartments.
Just when we were about to pass them, we turned right and drove
out of a small road where we could look out over a valley. Our
driver pointed out and explained that the village below was named
Manar.

We approached a large building and Mr. Masuk explained that it
was our boarding school, which was named “Refugee of the prophet,
who must not be named” - in everyday language known in the area
as “The Refugee”. Once we arrived we were quickly shown to our
rooms and we were so tired that we slept almost at once.

14. Nazanin
===========

I woke by a lot of noise. First I was confused. I looked around
the room. It was a room with whitewashed walls. Kathy was
sleeping. I sat up. I had to go to the toilet. Normally I would
get a morning enema, but here I had to do it when my body
demanded. It was kind of strange after over a half year with
enemas. I was almost at the door when an Arabic girl opened it.

“Welcome to Morocco. My name is Nazanin. I have been appointed to
take care of you and help you during your stay.”

“Thank you very much. My name is Susan. I am sorry to interrupt
you but I so have to go to the toilet.”

“Of course. Follow me.”

We went down stairs to a large room.

“Here we are.”

I looked around. There were no toilets. I looked like a huge
question mark. A smile went over her face.

“Oh. You have to undress and place your feet on those footprints
marked on the floor. There is a hole in the floor where your
things will go.”

I positioned myself. It was difficult to maintain my balance.

“You can hold on to the leather strap hanging down from the
ceiling. Relax you are not the first student coming from a
western country who are studying here. A lot of girls from
families originating from this part of the country ship their
children down here for some discipline away from western comfort
and temptations. In some countries they think that it is a good
thing, but in others they are trying to prevent this traffic.
Nevertheless they come here in large numbers, so we are use to
students not familiar with our sanitary facilities.”

I finished my business and we walked back to our room where Kathy
and Ashley woke as we came in. I waited in the room until they
had finished their toilet business and then we sat down and
Nazarin told us about the rules on the school. No looking or
walking outside without wearing the Chadri but all the other
rules were very similar to the rules back in Costa Rica.

We were given a simple dress and a scarf. Nazarin helped us with
the scarf so it covered our hair totally, which was not too hard
considering that we all had been shaved when we enrolled the year
round boarding school. You don’t get your long hair back in 7
months.

After a breakfast consisting of some indefinable stuff, which
however tasted good, we went to the classroom. Very much to our
surprise they had computers and the program from our school in
Costa Rica had been uploaded to their server, so it was the same
stuff here. First you read a chapter in a book; then you fill out
a questionnaire. If you have more than a certain number wrong you
have to wait hours before you have a second try. It is a good
advice to use this time to read the chapter more carefully
because if you fail three times you will be sent to the walker
for 3 hours regardless of what level you are on before getting
three new tries.

So we started to study and it went well. But in the afternoon
Mrs. Suttow came and announced that we had to learn French. I am
not god with languages. It took forever and many hours in the
walker before I was able to speak a decent Spanish. Spanish in
schools like ours are very important. In fact the use of English
is often forbidden because they low-paid watch staff has to
understand what we are saying. Some say that the
speak-only-Spanish rule shows if you are at a real boarding
school or a behavior modification facility instead. Even I used
to think like that but after I had started to work the program, I
don’t believe them.

I struggled but soon I had earned my three tries and the computer
told me to report it to the staff member in the classroom, so I
could receive a consequence I had to serve before I would be get
password, which would unlock the program again.

The staff member called Nazarin, who followed me down to another
part of the basement where I was told to undress. She told me to
bend over and then she got a suitcase with my name on. When she
opened it, she took a butt plug and lubricated it before it was
inserted in my behind. It was unpleasant but after 6 months with
butt plugs at the ranch, I was used to it. Next she held a two
pieces spandex suit up. I got into it and she told me that it was
a Burqini, which I had to wear because it was hot in the cellar
where I had to serve my consequence.

We went into the next room where I stopped and gawked. The room
was 50 x 50 meters and it had the largest walker I had ever seen.
The walker had twelve arms but instead of having chains hanging
down, the students had to push it instead. I looked closer and
noticed that they were chained to the arm. There were both boys
and girls pushing it. All the girls wore Burqinis like mine, but
the boys only wore a kind of steel thing covering their private
parts.

Nazarin cut in: “This walker generate electrical power to the
school as backup when there are power cuts, which can happen
several times per months. The gear wheel in the middle runs
smaller gears wheels with magnets, so a single round done by the
students means that the smaller gear wheels makes 100 rounds. Now
I will show you where you have to work the next 3 hours to serve
your consequence.”

She guided me over to one of the arms where I was chained to the
arm with a steel cuff. It was a little unpleasant because we
always use leather cuffs at SoS, but when in Rome do as the
Romans do

After the cuff I also got a bit gag shovel into my mouth and then
I was ready.

Nazarin stepped back and the staff member, who oversaw the walker
stepped forward and ordered us to push. I did not believe it. It
stuck!

I was about to stop pushing when I heard a suppressed screen from
one of the other students pushing. The staff member whipped him
with a thin cane on his buttocks a short while before he moved to
the next student and started caning again.

Suddenly I was very motivated and used all my strength. The other
students seemed to have the same idea because we managed to get
it to move slowly. Once it caught speed it was not that heavy.

Nazarin left but only to return 30 minutes later with Ashlyn. A
student was singled out and released from the walker while it was
in pace. He dropped to the floor when he had taken a few steps.
Another staff member helped him up and took him away. Ashlyn was
chained to the walker while it was moving and given a bit gag
similar to me.

I must have lost concentration because suddenly I felt the cane
hit me hard on the buttock. I jumped of surprise letting out a
shriek.

“Faster!”

I concentrated on pushing the wheel.

Nazarin came over and walked by my side while she offered me
something to drink from a can with a straw.

“Pay attention to the walker or you will be caned again. Promise
me that you will do an effort.”

I nodded.

She left. For the next hour I pushed the wheel. It was hard. Once
a while the staff member used the cane on us. I got a lash more.
I was sweating so much that it was like being in a sauna. My
sight became blurred. Nazarin must have entered the room without
me noticing her because suddenly she was by my side. I got more
to drink but I was still on the edge of a collapse. Nazarin must
have noticed because she spoke with the staff member and then I
was released.

I was helped to a bench and after a little rest Nazarin spoke to
me again.

“You only did two hours on the walker. You need a further
punishment for the hour you did not serve. I have been told to
look after you and I will take the corporal punishment for you
because I did not bring you water fast enough.”

“Punishment! You should not be punished. It was me, who didn’t
have the strength. I can take my own punishment.”

She looked down. “I was not trying to insult you.”

“I know. Show me what I have to do.”

“OK. Follow me.”

We went over to a large board with several holes in it.

“This it a punishment table imported from the United Kingdom. It
is art. It came from an old English group home for at-risk kids.
They called it Borstals. Please take your position”

I climbed on to the table and she showed me how to put my arms
through two holes in the table. Once my arms were in the hole she
went under the table and secured them with leather cuffs. Next my
upper body was secured with leather straps and a pillow my placed
below my private parts so my behind was raised a little higher
than my torso. She pulled my trousers down so my buttocks were
exposed. Also my legs were strapped with leather straps, so I
could not move at all. I was ready for my punishment.

She went over to the wall.

“Let me show you what we have here. You will receive 4 lashes
with the ordinary whip per hour you have avoided your
consequence. We use a whip for normal offenses. For the more
severe offences, we import a birch. Would you like to be gagged?”

I nodded and I got a large leather bit into my mouth. She stepped
back and waited. Then it came down hard. I made a shriek.

“Are you sure that you can take the punishment?”

I nodded.

A second lash hit my buttock. I managed to remain silent. Then
followed another short wait before the third lash was delivered.
It hurt a lot more. A tear ran down from my eye. Only one more to
go! The final lash hit me and I whimpered a little before
realizing that my punishment was over.

I received the password from the staff member before returning to
the classroom so I could continue my tasks.

I got a further visit to the walker the first week. This time I
managed to do 3 hours.

Ashlyn had to trips to the walker and Kathy one. I know that some
schools in the states use a study hall instead, when the computer
locks, but I hope that they don’t learn from this school because
the walker is hard!

15. The prophet, who must not be named
======================================

Saturday we were allowed to walk down to the local market
accompanied by Nazarin. Outside school we had to wear the
chadris, so we stumbled a couple of times before we learned to
navigate with the limited sight caused by the mesh.

After a half hour walking we arrived at last to the market. It
was organized chaos with booths selling all kind of stuff from
everyday commodities to electronics. And the crowd! It was
Christmas shopping done of Saturday in the local mall.

We must have shopping for an hour when I made the mistake, I
still remember all too clearly to this day. We were standing at a
small booth selling fruit when I asked Nazarin, who the prophet
was the school was named after.

“It is named after our most prominent prophet.”

“Muhammad?!”

As I spoke the name, all persons standing around us came to
quietness. There must have been 50-70 people in this place. None
spoke. The quietness spread out like ripples in the water. Soon
the entire market was silenced.

Nazarin took my arm. “Hurry. We have to go back to the school
now!”

The people began to gather in a crowd. An old man stepped out of
a building and after speaking with some of the men he stepped in
front of the crowd and began to shout.

“Sacrilege! These students have insulted our beloved prophet.
Please do not lynch them. I will speak to the principal of the
school and demand that they are punished properly.”

It seemed to calm the crowd down. There were a couple of minutes
when I did not know whether it was the last moments of our lives
we were about to experience.

We ran back to the school as our outfits allowed us. Mr. Masuk
greeted us by the door. His face showed that he already was
informed about the incident down at the market.

After a short while we was in his office where he started to
explain what our situation was.

“I have to kick myself in my butt. I should have warned Mr.
Norman at your school in Costa Rica, what kind of rules you have
to obey at all cost. Naming our prophet in public was one of
them. Just last month a teacher in Sudan was very close to be
lashed in public because she insulted the prophet. The local imam
has called me and he is expecting you to be punished. I have
tried to explain that you are foreigners but we are somehow
caught because not all in the local community seems to agree to
the idea that we are educating girls also. We had a lot of
opposition 10 years ago when we started to enroll girls. Wait
while I speak with Mr. Norman.”

An hour went by. Nazarin started to sob. “I am sorry that I
didn’t warn you.”

I comforted her. It was my fault. I could have waited to ask the
question when we were back inside the school.

Masuk returned and he told us that the local Imam would attend
the meeting with Rick on the phone line.

The Imam arrived in the office. He was a man in his 60’s. He told
us that we were lucky that he had lived in Europe for some year
when he was young before he found God and turned his life around.
Others would have let the crowd deal with us, but he had seen us
arriving at the market and due to our way of walking, he had
recognized us as foreigners.

Mr. Norman – our director Rick – was on the speakerphone and they
discussed what kind of punishment, which could be acceptable not
only the local community but also to your parents. Severe
whippings done all over our backs were out of the question. The
embassy could learn of it and that would have meant problems for
the chain of schools, SoS was a part of. More attention on the
behavior modification industry is exactly not what the academies
around the states and abroad needed.

So the deal was that the Imam had to come to the school and whip
me 25 times with a cane every weekend until I left. Nazarin got 5
every week due to not guiding me properly.

The next Saturday I stood before the punishment table again.
Ashlyn and Kathy had tears running down from their cheeks as they
strapped me down. The Imam came into the room with Masuk. Masuk
explained to us that the whipping has to be done by the Imam
while has was carrying the Koran under his arm, so he only could
use the underarm and the wrist while whipping me. Syariah
whipping as it was called could normally be carried out all over
the back of a person, but I as mentioned above the Imam had
agreed to lash us on our buttocks only.

He positioned himself as I got a huge gag ball shoveled into my
mouth. He talked to Masuk and they got into some kind of argument
before he measured him again.

Then the first lash came. It hurt a lot.

He counted fast and the lashes came fast with a steady rhythm
almost like a machine whipped me. Never in my wife had I been
whipped so severe. Where did he find the strength?

After 10 lashes he paused so Masuk could see whether my skin had
been cut. Then he spoke. “I forgot to tell you that I used to
play badminton in Europe when I was young.”

My buttocks were shaking. The Imam took his time. Then he
approached Masuk and they applied water to the cane before he
resumed his position. Then the caning started ruthlessly again. I
was screaming into the gag. Never had I been exposed to such a
pain. After 10 lashes he stopped again, so I could catch my
breath. I was dissolved from tears. His savage way of caning had
conqueror me. I was broken. There was no need for the final 5
lashes. I had learned my lesson. But I got them anyway. Kathy had
to support me when I was removed from the table.

As we went to the door the Imam called my name.

I turned.

“I will just say that I will look forward to next Saturday.
Contrary to what most people believe, we are not barbarians. What
is the bible saying? Don’t discipline him properly according to
scriptural principles. Just believe the lie that spanking is old
fashioned. He that spareth his rod hateth his son Proverbs
13:24.”

All the way down to my bed I wondered how I would survive this
stay.

Half an hour later Masuk came to my room and sat down beside my
bed. “Susan. I have made a further arrangement with Imam. I have
spoken with your parents and in order to spare you from further
punishment, they have wired money so the town can buy 5 more
goats. So you are free from further meetings with the Imam, which
involves corporal punishment, but he will come and tell you about
the reason why the prophet must not be named.”

I cried from relief.

The Imam returned the next weekends where we discussed culture
and unwritten rules in society. When I got to know him I learned
to respect him. There was more than a coldhearted punisher inside
this man. He spoke about how he wasted his youth until he found
his God and abandoned sports car and nightclubs to come here
instead.

During a break he asked whether we did find this school hard.
When he told that our own school was tougher in some way, he was
astonished. We had to say that SoS was a normal kind of boarding
school. When he got the full explanation, he laughed. “How
different our cultures are and at the same time so equal. I sent
my son to a Koran School in Sudan because he went too much
downtown in Tangier. Of course he does not like it as I can read
from his letters, but as a parent are we not the only one, who
should step up and take responsibility when our children about to
waste their lives. I have to quote something from your Christian
culture again: Send your child to public school so he can be
taught evolution, sex education and humanism. For the wisdom of
this world is foolishness with God. 1 Corinthians 3:19”

He was right. Here I was thousand of miles from home and in an
environment where I could have stepped out of a spaceship and the
first adult I got to talk with, acted almost like my own parents.
Odd. Very odd!

16. Kodwo
=========

Time went on and soon our stay was near the end. Masuk came by
one day and sat down with me. “Susan. You will all leave in a
week. I know that your stay have not been entirely a pleasant one
and I want to give you a special experience before you leave.
Kodwo has been sold to us by his family so they could afford a
boat to Europe.”

“Sold”

“Yes, we call it so. Actually he has been employed here for 5
years and we have paid his family his salary in advance. It was a
year ago. He had studied here as a student, which are more than
most youngsters from Ghana normally get. Most of the girls end up
in prostitution after they have been smuggled into Europe. Those
who don’t get there normally ends up as slaves in Mauritania.
Kodwo will be luckier. In 5 years he can leave and if he agreed
to work here 5 years more, he will get paid in person for those 5
years. So he can return educated and with money. It is a win-win
situation."

“But there is a downside?”

“Yes. This school is mostly for children of wealthy families from
the northern Africa and Middle East. And of course for children
of families in the western world, who want to have their children
educated away from all the temptations the western culture brings
along. Everywhere teenagers get together, there is the risk of
unwanted sex. That is why the male students wear a chastity belt.
But Kodwo will be 18 tomorrow and a staff member, so he has to be
dealt with so he no longer imposes a threat.”

“How will you do that?”

“We are going to castrate him.”

“WHAT”

“It is the only way and an old tradition known from harems in
this part of the world.

“You want me to cut…”

“No. Of course not! Your job is to make his final hours before
the operation pleasant ones.”

“I am not sure that I can do it.”

“I have spoken with Mr. Norman and we are both sure that you
can.”

“But I have never been with a man.”

He laughed. “Relax. You are not going to have sex with him. You
are going to have a chastity belt on but you are allowed to use
your hands and mouth...” He stopped talking for a second before
continuing. “…. and Nazanin will be there also. She has done it
before.”

I agreed to the task.

The next day I went down to the bathroom for the boys dressed in
a Burqini. Kodwo was already strapped down on a bench in order to
receive his daily enema. When I approached him I saw that he was
hooded with a leather hood. Nazanin came into the room and
whispered that it was custom to have new eunuchs blindfolded
because they should not be able to recognize the people involved
in the process

Kodwo had already been administered one enema with 2 liters. I
was a little surprised that he was given two enemas but Nazanin
explained that it was very important that Kodwo was extra clean
due to our treatment of him.

Once he was finished emptied his bowel he was escorted by two
staff members to the room where we were going to entertain him.
Inside he was cuffed of his hands with cuffs connected to ropes
hanging down from the ceiling. His feet were cuffed with leather
cuffs connected to the d-rings in the floor. Next he was
stretched out. The staff left the room.

Nazanin turned to me and gave me a key to the padlock on his
belt. “Now our jobs begin. Undress.”

When I was naked I removed the belt and for a moment I froze. I
have seen my brother naked. I had seen a penis before. But this
size! It was huge.

Nazanin smiled at me. “Don’t look so enjoyed. You know that is
forbidden. Lets wash him.”

She was right. It smelled awful after the long confinement. I
took some soap and hot water from the bucket and started to wash
it. It became erect in seconds. When I was finished Nazanin,
handed me a shaver. “There must not be a single hair on his body.
Especially down there in order to reduce the risk of infection.”

When the cold steel touched his body, I could see that he began
to shake without control. Nazanin tried to comfort him by
caressing his body and after a while he seemed to calm down. I
was somewhat nervous about shaving around his scrotum but managed
to do it without cutting him.

After a final wash-down it was time to milk him. Nazanin placed a
kind of wire around the root of the scrotum. I could see that he
began to shake again and also to sweat. She explained that it was
the cutting wire. It was connected to a box on the floor with a
wire. It could be remote controlled and when the remote was
activated the wire would be very hot so the balls would be cut
off and the wound would be closed, so he would not bleed so much.
“Susan. You are on.”

I looked at Nazanin and waited for her order. She was astonished.
“You are a virgin. You really don’t know, do you? Knell before
him and take his member in our mouth.”

“What?"

“Do it. Trust me. I have been there.”

I had to open my mouth wide in order to have it in my mouth. It
felt wrong, but Nazanin padded me softly. “You are doing fine.
Look. Touch him softly just behind the scrotum.” I did and I felt
how the veins pumped in the penis. Nazanin joined in and placed
herself behind me and started to kiss and lick his nipples.

Suddenly a salty fluid filled my mouth. Large grunting sound came
from within the hood. I tried to pull back but Nazanin had
predicted it and held my head, so I had no choice but so drink it
in order to avoid being choked. “Drink it. Susan. Do him the
honor. It will never happen again.”

I tried. I really tried, but months of abstinence had built of a
need for him to be satisfied. I coughed and I felt how his juices
ran down from my mouth.

Eventually the flow died out. Nazanin went over in the corner and
game back with a bag. “Susan. Bend over.” She took something out
from the bag behind my back. Suddenly I felt something press
against my sphincter. “What are you doing?”

“Relax. I have lubricated it”

It slipped in. It did not hurt so much. I was used to a butt
plug, they use a tails during the training session back at SoS.
Nazanin continued to work with a lot of leather straps and then I
noticed that there was a penis on. I was speechless of surprise.
When she was finished the large rubber penis was placed, as I was
a male, she explained to me that it was a strap-on dildo and
helped me to take position behind Kodwo. Then she lubricated it
and told me so press the dildo against his sphincter. I heard a
lot of sounds coming from within the hood. He must be protesting
but we could of course not understand anything. Then the dildo
slipped in and we heard a groaning sound. It must have hurt him.
I waited for a while before beginning to work on his under
guidance from her.

It felt odd but also somewhat nice because the thing in my rectum
moved when I did thrust the dildo inside Kodwo.

“Increase the speed”

As I did the sensation built up inside me. Never had I
experienced such a pleasure before. I panted. It was not only the
thing in my rectum. On the inside in the front the strap-on dildo
had a granulated surface. It rubbed against my clitoris and it
felt so good. I moaned from pleasure.

Several grunts also came from inside the hood. Kodwo had to get
something from it too. His body was dripping from sweat. Suddenly
he came once more. Nazanin kneeled down and slurped his juices
greedily.

I became more and more aroused. The world became blurred. Out of
nowhere waves of pleasure began to run through my body. It was
even better than when Kathy and the girls applied the force of a
positive peer group back at the ranch. I became dizzy and had to
stop. I pulled the dildo out of Kodwo. Nazanin padded my
shoulder. “You did good. He is milked completely. Sit down and
watch as I finish him.”

Kodwo was hanging in his restraints. Nazarin went over and did
slide a butt plug up in his behind. It went in easily after my
work. Fortunately it could be pumped. She sat down beside me and
pressed a control on the box. It began to make a sound. Kodwo
woke from his daze and started to pull his restraints. Suppressed
but unintelligible screams were heard from inside the hood. He
must be panicking, but as she said there was no turning back.

It began to smell like bacon, which I found odd because a couple
of days ago I earned two lashes with the whip because I forgot
that it was forbidden food in such a degree that even asking for
it meant punishment.

Then I noticed. The wire had turned red. A little bit of smoke
could be seen. Kodwo’s body began to shake. He twisted his head
violent. Between the suppressed screams a frying sound came from
his private parts. Drool began to run down from the hood. Nazanin
told me that there was a hollow gag ball mounted on the inside of
the hood. I couldn’t speak. I was in shock by the sight of a
young man fighting fruitless against his fate. I could see how
every muscle in his body tried to fight the restraints. The pain
must have been beyond belief. The wire tightened more. The frying
sound continued. I felt a tear running down over my face.

I know that Kodwo could have ended up as one of the thousand
people who are found downed every year trying to enter Europe,
but this was also awful.

Suddenly I heard a pop when his scrotum fell down on the floor.
Nazanin pushed the control once more. “Susan. We have to wash him
once more before giving him to the staff. Dress up and fetch a
couple of buckets with water and soap.”

We cleaned Kodwo. His former pride was now hanging down spineless
after having performed for the last time. Nazanin applied some
cream to the burned area.

“He will be fine. He just have to rest a couple of days before
starting to work again and then it is that.”

We left Kodwo in the care of the staff and returned to the room
of Nazanin in order to talk about what had just happen.

17. Who am I?
=============

We were inside Nazanin’s cell when she told me to shut the door.
“Susan. Sit down, we need to talk”

I sat down on her bed.

“Susan. Why were you sent to such a place? I mean. I have spoken
with several of the other girls and they were here for serious
things like being so picky that they only eat desserts, which can
be damaging for peoples health or truancy but you seem so
innocence”.

I explained how I had my mind on dropping out of school. She
asked me about boyfriends and I had to confess that I was a
virgin. Then she popped the question.

“Can I have it?”

“What?”

“Your virginity?”

I looked at her. Her eye met mine. Deep inside her dark eyes I
saw the truth about me. My boundaries were gone. I could be true
about myself. I kissed her and when our lips met I knew the
meaning of love.

We undressed and climbed onto her bed where we caressed each
other. Kisses relieved kisses. Nazanin were everywhere on my body
and it was so intense. Then she stopped. “It is time.”

She stepped out of the bed and went over to her closet. She took
a strap-on on and came back to the bed. “Lie back and relax. It
will hurt a little.”

I had never been that wet down there. I had of course played a
little with my self before, but this was beyond imagination.

It hurt a little when she entered me and she paused while she
bend over and kissed one of my nipples. Next she started to work
on me. It did not take her long before I experienced the same
waves of pleasure running through my body as hours before. After
a while the world became blurred and I passed out.

When I woke I found Nazanin lying beside me. We kissed.

After a while I asked her if she was not afraid that we would be
caught.

“No. Because the staff knows why I am here. I am not supposed to
return home. In fact I have embarrassed my family so much that
they don’t want me back.”

“What have you done?”

“I was raped.”

“What? Why are you being punished?”

“I allowed myself to be in that position. I was sleeping in my
room when I heard noise upstairs. When I went to the living room
to see what was going on, I discovered that the plumber was
fixing the water and for some reason the servants were busy
outside the house. Needless to say he took advantage of me. It
was terrible but the worst thing was that the servants walked in
on us. The beat him badly and later he was whipped severely in
private, but the scandal could not be contained. I had damaged
the reputation of my family, so in order to keep me alive, I was
shipped here.”

“My God. For how long have you been here?”

“Almost two years and I cannot return. My family has to kill me
in order to preserve their name. I have actually received a
letter from my brother about killing myself.”

“What are you going to do?”

“It is a quite common situation in our world and Mr. Masuk is a
kind of problem solver. He has connections regarding passports,
so I am likely to end up as a housekeeper somewhere in the world
once I turn 18. But they have to make it look like I die, so they
can videotape it. It is dangerous.”

“Why??”

“Because my father needs to have some kind of proof that the
honor of the family has been restored.”

“Sick!”

“Now. Not so judgmental. Remember that the meaning of your
journey is to learn about a foreign culture. We do things our way
and the good side is that I learned to like women instead of
these disgusting men.”

I rested on the bed. What a weird world. For almost a year ago I
was a normal High School Girl dreaming of finding a job and a man
in order to establish a family. Now I am thousand of miles away
in a strange country and I have found out that I am a Lesbian.

18. Deception
=============

A couple of days later Mr. Masuk approached me. “Susan. Come with
me.”

We went to his office. Nazanin waited inside.

“Susan. Tomorrow you will leave this school together with the
other students. Nazanin will join you and she was asked me to let
you assist her with her staged death.”

“Are you sure?” I was chocked.

“Yes. She rely on that you do the job.”

Once again we were down in the cellar where we had fixed Kodwo. A
noose was hanging down from the ceiling. Nazanin undressed while
she explained how it should take place. Several of her family
members had volunteered to come to the school and do her in
before she would turn 18 so a quick deal had been made. Mr.
Hallowgreen – the director of the school chain SoS was a part off
had bought Nazanin from this school to be staff member in Costa
Rica for a number of years unpaid.

Nazanin and Mr. Masuk had made a script for me to follow and a
video camera had been placed in the cell so the entire proceeding
could be taped. She was nervous and had received a number of
enemas from the morning. The script called for humiliation and
execution. Nazanin knew what it should take to restore the name
of her family and she had written the script herself.

I took the clothes on she had provided me. It was a black leather
suit with a hood covering my face, so I looked like an
executioner. When I had dressed I started to put the restraints
on her. First it was a waist clincher, which I laced very tight.
Her arms went into what she called a single sleeve. There were
straps on the sleeve so she could not escape them. She became
more and more nervous. I tried to calm her but remembered when we
received a history lesson back at the ranch. I knew what was
going through her mind. I kissed her before putting the gag ball
in her mouth. The act was about to begin.

I turned the video camera on and it started to record. Nazanin
looked scared – almost on the edge of panic. I took a huge butt
plug from the table and went behind her. It was lubricated very
well, but it was huge. I could see how she bit into the gag ball
due to the pain. It slipped in at last but tears ran down from
her eyes. Unfortunately the script asked for more. I took the
dildo from the table. I had tears in my eyes when I approached
her. I could see that she sobbed. I grabbed her by her hair
forcing her to look up and then I trusted the dildo inside her
causing her to whimper. Once it was buried inside her I took a
small chain and connected the and on the sleeve with the belt in
the front by letting the chain go through her legs.

Next it was time for the noose. She resisted while I pushed her
into position. I couldn’t figure out whether it was an act or
pure panic.

I pushed the control on the wall while holding on to the noose so
it remained in position and the rope was tighten until she was
forced up on her tiptoes. Just one thing more was on the script.
I took them on the table and went over to her. Standing with the
back to the camera I mimed “I am sorry” as I clipped the weights
on her nipples. I could see how tears began to run down over her
cheeks. I checked the noose yet another time before moving over
to the control again.

Her breathing was short and intense. She was going to be hanged
and it could turn fatal. As printed in the script I let her sweat
for a while. I knew that she herself had written it so it could
satisfy her traditions but actually going through with it is
another thing.

I activated the control and she was hoisted into the air a little
so her feet were about 20 centimeters of the ground. First she
remained still. Suppressed coughing was all what could be heard.
10 seconds… 20 seconds went by. She was shivering a little and
coughing. I could see how she was hurting. The pain from the
noose is so intense and all to well I began to remember how I
felt it when it was me dangling.

Suddenly she began to kick. Her feet searched for the ground.
Drool was running out her mouth. The sight was so fascinated me.
Her dark body covered by sweat. The weights on her nipple clamps
were swinging from side to side as she danced in the air.

The kicking continued. All that suffering! On purpose I stood
with the back to the camera, so the tears in my eyes could not be
seen on the video. Why? Why is her family so willing to see their
family member die? What kind of honor defines a victim as a
criminal?

The kicking slowed down and after a while her body only quivered
a little. A sound of tickling urine was heard. Her bladder
emptied itself. The show was over. I turned the camera on and
knocked on the door. The staff rushed in and before I knew it
Nazanin was coughing on the floor.

Some hours later we sat in Masuk’s office and saw the video. It
was a Nazanin had scripted a very convincing video. It would
satisfy her family and properly be something to watch in family
gatherings for many years to come. The next day Nazanin left for
Central America with a freighter.

19. Will I ever adjust?
=======================

We were in London after a long flight. Mr. Masuk had driven us to
the airport where we got rid of the Chadris in the toilet before
entering the plane. Mr. Masuk promised to send them to our homes,
so we had some lasting memories from the trip.

Mrs. Suttow handed me a ticket. “Susan. You are not going to
Costa Rica. You are going on a home visit. Here is a letter with
instructions.”

My jaws dropped. A home visit! Out of nowhere!

“Please use your time wisely. We expect a full report and no
manipulations.”

I said an emotional goodbye to the rest of the group when they
left and then I boarded my plane.

Well arrived, but tired after more than 24 hours traveling, I
arrived at our local airport in Ukiah. My family greeted me and
it was laughter and tears. The first I did when we arrived home
was to ask permission to bath. In fact my mother stopped me
laughing after 5 minutes. “You do not have to ask permission for
everything. I know that the program like all programs are strict,
but asking for permission to pee, open the fridge and leaving
your room takes the limit.”

I cried. “Mom. But I have lived like this for more than 9
months.”

She hugged me. “Yes. I know. In some way I know that some of the
conditions you are forced to live by in the program are harsh,
but it is like making fried egg. You have to break the shell.
Something will be destroyed in order to create a fine product.
You were about to destroy your life, do not agree?”

I sobbed. “Yes. I know that now.”

“Then let me help you with your bath.”

“I love you. Mom.”

Once I had undressed Mom entered the bathroom. She almost dropped
the towels, when she saw my body.

“Oh my God! What have I done?”

I looked like a question mark. Then I remembered. My purple
behind with stripes from the lashing in Tangier was not something
she had been prepared to see.

It was one of these moments where we had been taught that every
action has a consequence. Should I try to manipulate by crying
about abuse so I could get out of the program or should I be true
to myself and tell her that the consequences were results of my
poor choices?

For reasons I cannot understand even today I did choose the last
option. I explained that I had shown bad poor judgment regarding
living in a foreign culture and that I had suffered consequences
as part of this learning process. She calmed down with a remark
about not knowing the extent of the corporal punishment that they
had inflicted upon me.

When I left the bath both my parents waited outside. After having
looked closer on the marks from the lashing they decides that it
would go away because the skin wasn’t broken. They also noticed
how muscular and fit I looked before I went back to my room and
dressed for the dinner.

After dinner it was time to sleep. When I lied down in my bed
something was wrong. It was too soft. I had to lie down on floor
with a blanket before I fell asleep.

The next day I drove down into the city with mother. Having been
away it was almost too much with the crowd, car etc. We had to
fetch dad at the Golf course and when we passed my old high
school on Low Gap Road I felt a tear running down over my chin.

For under a year ago I would have left the Ukiah High School in a
second if my parents had permitted it. Now I missed my friends,
the classes, eating at the burger joint after school. Why do we
not appreciate things when we have them? Why do we also think
that the grass is greener at the other side?

I had to get control over myself. I had to avoid self-pity. I
wiped the tear away. I knew that I had come so far in the
program. I had to take control over my life. It was after all my
doing that had landed me in the program. It would be my doing
that would make me graduate the program.

We collected dad and drove home without further incidents.

I sat in my room totally frozen without being able to do
anything. All my stuff seemed not to belong to me. My computer,
my TV; Months without access to personal things had made me alien
to them. The headlines in the newspapers were about things we
have heard nothing about. News doesn’t travel that fast in Costa
Rica. In fact the only television I had watched was taped
broadcasted from various motivation speakers. The world had moved
on without me.

Then my father entered the room. “Susan. We have received an
email from Costa Rica about maintaining your form, so it would
not be too hard to go back. Follow me.”

Down in the bathroom Mom stood with a box. “Susan. Please
undress.”

When I was naked she opened it and a she took a leather harness
from the school up. I was surprised.

“We had decided that you have to move the lawn just to keep you
in shape. In fact we have also maid arrangement with old Miss.
Peterson next door, so you do hers too.”

Before I knew it I was pulling the lawn mover. My mother guided
me with the reins. We must have worked for half an hour when I
heard a familiar voice. “Susan. Is that you?”

It was Chelsea – one of my friends from school. I blushed for a
minute. My mother called her over to us and removed my bit. Then
she explained that I was enrolled in a boarding school abroad and
they had some strange school uniforms. Chelsea looked like we
were telling her that the moon was made of green cheese, but we
managed to convince her in the end.

“I have say, that I had heard rumors of the odd school you are
studying at. The last thing you told me was that you were going
on holiday and then you disappeared and your brother was
transformed working like a robot at school. He used to hang out
with us and now he is a straight-A student with absolutely no
desire to mix with people. But why are you dressed like you are a
horse?”

“It is psychology. They call it equestrian therapy. I have to
admit that the boarding school I am enrolled at do include a
leadership program and some aspects of treatment.”

“Treatment. Are you ill?”

“No, but it had become clear to me during these last months that
I needed some guidance to prevent me to get stuck in some
underachieving lifestyle.”

“Underachieving? You were getting better grades than me.

“I was thinking about dropping out of school, but luckily my
parents helped me by sending me to a place where I could rethink
my decision. I am forever grateful for their choice.”

“Thank you. Honey.” My mother said that she had to start making
dinner and asked Chelsea to guide me while finishing the lawn.
Chelsea agreed and after the bit went in again we moved the rest
of the lawn.

She followed me up to my room where she helped me out of the
harness. When I was dressed she hesitated for a moment. “Susan….
How is it to wear such a harness?”

“It is something you get used to.”

She looked down in the floor. “Can I try it on?”

I went over to her and looked her in the eyes. “Of course you
can. We are not going to have dinner the next hour, so undress.”

In my mind I was so relieved. My reputation would have been
destroyed forever if Chelsea would told about my outfit in
school. Now I had her.

Soon she stood dressed in the harness with her arms cuffed. “Now
for the final touch – the gag.”

“You don’t bother. I can feel how restricted it is. Did they
really keep you like this for months?”

“Hush, hush. Open wide” Oddly enough she allowed me to put the
gag into her mouth. Being restrained makes some people obey
authority.

I guided her over to my bed, where I helped her to rest on her
back. Then I started to lick her nipples. Her eyes opened wide
and she made protesting sounds, but with cuffs on both upper and
lower arms she was forced to accept the situation.

When her nipples were erects, I quick took two clothes pegs, I
had put on the table and put then on her nipples. The gag bit
suppressed her scream. She sobbed as I moved down and started to
lick her pussy, but after a while she stopped and started to moan
instead. Soon I had brought her to her edge where she began to
sweat and pant. I continued to tease her until her body suddenly
tensed and she came with a long whimper.

When she was lying exhausted I removed her gag. “Did you like
it?”

She looked at me with a mixture of shame and fright. “I am not
like this. I like boys.”

“You are in somewhat self denial. I have spent time in two
different schools on two different countries in various peer
groups. I believe that I can judge a person, which are in denial.
Deep inside you wanted to try to be with a girl. You allowed
yourself to be restrained because I meant that you did not have
to take responsibility for your actions.”

“But..”

“No but. Emotional growth can only be achieved by discomfort. You
have to take chances in life. Look at me. I was scared to death
by going to college. It was far easier to drop out and continue
to live here in some low paid job – typical McJob career. But my
decision was based on a stupid wish to remain inside my comfort
zone – this town.”

“You on the other hand wanted to be with a girl just to try it.
It does not make you a Lesbian, but I guess that you doubted
yourself. You were afraid to ask. What I had said no and it would
have exposed your secret?”

I remained silent for a moment.

“But your secret are secure with me if you fail to mention to
anybody that you saw me today moving the lawn. Agree.”

She nodded.

We went to into the bath and ate dinner together with my family
before she left.

The rest of the week went on without events. Somehow I felt like
a tourist in the town where I had lived for all my life. But also
family life was odd. Certain subjects were avoided. My brother
was so silent. Maybe he was ashamed that he made the summer camp
and I didn’t.

When I was flying down to Costa Rica I wondered if there was a
place outside the Ranch, where I could be a part of the
community. Could I live in a college without structure? What
about my family? Would we ever be able to talk freely about my
stay at the Ranch?

20. The date
============

Once I was back at the ranch life continued. Andrew was now on
level three. Kathy was like me waiting for a hint regarding when
to apply for the final level in front of our peer group.

Weeks went by without any sign from the staff. Had we
disappointed them on our Lifespring trip? We were kept in the
dark.

Then one day in group therapy Mr. Norman joined us with our
impact letters. These letters were basically a list of errors to
be fixed before we could graduate. At some point during the
program we had written a reply to this letter outlining all the
faults we had made and how sorry we were.

Mr. Norman – Rick – addressed Kathy first. “Your parents have
sent me an interesting letter. Every morning during your last
home visit they had counted the number of sweets in their
kitchen. Someone had been hungry and this fault was not stated in
your report of slip-ups during such a home visit. Slip-ups
happen. They are a part of recovery. That is Ok. You call your
sponsor or in this case you tell your parents, so you can receive
a consequence. But lying is an absolute no-no.”

He turned to me. “I also have some serious to tell you. Susan.
You told your parents in our letter that you had thought about a
job in the local restaurant, but you did more than that. When
they were driving by a couple of months ago, the manager asked
them when you were ready to start because he had a position open
for you as you had applied for. You were further in your planning
than you have stated. Maybe all you have done in the program were
a kind of manipulation.”

He stood up. “Because we can not trust both of you, we have
decided to demote you to level 1. We will not cut your hair but
all the privileges you have achieved are revoked. Andrew. You are
in charge. Bring them to the horse walker and let them work for
the next 24 hours without rest."

I was speechless. I was not manipulating them. All the things
that had taken place had made me forget that I had talked with
the manager. I didn’t think that it was such a big deal.

Within an hour we were both placed in the walker. All night we
walked and walked. Andrew was devoted to his duty, as I had
taught him. He increased the speed of the walker to a point where
we were almost running. Then Lola came and asked Andrew to calm
down a little. He was a kind of reluctant but Lola kissed him and
whispered something, so he slowed the walker down and Lola gave
us something to drink.

As the day was dawning, I was so tired that I could not fell my
legs. Andrew stopped the walker. I guessed that he would give us
a break but I was mistaken. Instead he guided us out to a cart
full of stones. That bastard!

All day were spent pulling the cart around the ranch. I thought
that I had seen all the property but on this day we went to
places I had never been at before. It was late evening before we
returned to the ranch. The gags were removed and we got something
to drink. Then we were escorted into a meeting room where our
peer group waited. Mr. Norman was present. They all looked so
grave.

“Kathy and Susan. We are here to discuss your situation. How has
the last 24 hours been?”

I broke down. “This is unfair. I have done all you demanded of
me. I made an error. When I was new in the program, it was so
stressful. I forgot it. I did not hide this information of
purpose. I am sorry. It was a mistake.”

Kathy also pleaded. “I know that I was placed partly due to my
unhealthy diet. I tried very hard to avoid any slip-ups. I should
have called my sponsor or told my parents. I know it. Why I
didn’t, I don’t understand. I promise that I will work harder so
I can find the answer and prevent this situation from arise
again.”

Mr. Norman turned to our peer group. “What do you say? Are they
sincere? What is your judgment?”

There was a moment of silence. Then all cheered up.

“April fool!!”

Our jaws dropped. What was going on?

Mr. Norman turned towards us. “This was a test whether you have
worked the program for real or you have so to say drunk cool-aid
and played us. Your reactions were judged as real. You are now on
the highest level in the program and on the road towards
graduation. Congratulation!”

Our group came over and hugged us. “Group hug!”

Andrew kissed me on my cheek. “I am sorry for being so harsh, but
you have learned me the lesson yourself. Let get you into a bath.
You stink.”

I don’t know for what reason, but after I left the program the
first thing I do every morning is to check the calendar. None is
going to fool me again.

21. Coming to America
=====================

We were down at the harbor in the town of Puerto Limon in order
to fetch Nazanin. She had arrived with a ship and had been living
in a convent since. Miss Bianca – Mr. Normans wife had driven me.
She told me that her family had schools in Mexico and therefore
knew a lot of people. The convent were also running a Christian
day school and some of the more unruly students had been placed
by her uncles motivation boot camp in Baja California. One
service deserves another, so now the convent housed Nazanin until
we could get her.

We stopped at the convent, which were placed just outside the
town and were headed toward the gate, when I heard a familiar
voice. “Susan. Is that you?”

I turned and a nun came over to me. It was Nazanin dressed up. We
hugged and cried out of joy over the reunion.

Miss Bianca came with the paperwork. Her name was now Nazanin
Gonzarles. She had become an adoptive of the aunt of Miss Bianca
and as part of the agreement with the school in Tangier she would
work for free the next 5 years and get a high school diploma in
return. The nuns had fixed the paperwork because they fixed a lot
of adoptions of children living on the street.

We drove of. Highway 32 in Costa Rica does not have the standard
highways in the states have, so we drove slowly. We had to sleep
at some relatives of Miss Bianca in Paracito just north of San
Jose. The next day we arrived at the ranch where Rick – Mr.
Norman greeted us.

He asked me to prepare her for her stay at the ranch. Because she
already had been at a similar boarding school she would be
treated special. No equestrian boot camp for her. In fact they
have asked another school in the chain – Meditation Inlet – to
send clothes from their Victorian purity line special for her.

We went into the bathroom where I shaved her when she had
undressed. A tear ran down over her cheeks as I removed her
lovely dark hair, but I comforted her with a kiss. I stroke her
gently over her skin. She was so lovely. I kissed her.

But I had a job and had to continue. I asked her to follow me and
we went into the room where people were fitted with corsets. She
was of course curious about why she had to be cuffed on both
hands and feet but I did not reveal why until I had her stretched
out. I got the box with clothes from Jamaica. The first item was
a black corset. I laced it tight and then left her to hang so the
fabric could rest. Of course she pleaded me to take her down as I
myself did when I first was enrolled, but being on level 5 and
taking care of new students, I knew what was best for her. 10
minutes later I returned and laced it so tight so she gave a
grunt every time I tugged in the laces.

Back on the floor she had some problems. Obvious she was dizzy
and had difficulties with the breathing. I comforted her and told
her that she would adjust. Adjustment is an important factor of
the program. I took the next thing out of the box. It was an
armbinder made of leather. It too had to be laced and Nazanin
complained about her shoulders being pulled back but it is normal
discomfort people wearing armbinders.

Then came the last item. I studied it for a while when I took it
up from the box. I had never seen such an item before. It was a
neck corset. The door opened and Miss Bianca came in.

“I can see that you have found the neck corset.”

“Is it that it is?”

“Yes. At Meditation Inlet they always state how important a
proper posture is. Nazanin will get a high school diploma with
our name on and we have make sure that the graduates we send out
in the world has a certain standard. This will help her and
helping teenagers is all this school is about.”

Miss. Bianca helped me with the neck corset. It covered her neck
and half of her head up to just under her nose. Small leather
straps were going over her head. When we were finished she had
the most magnificent posture.

Then I gave her over to Miss. Bianca and left the room after
giving Nazanin a kiss on her cheek. Kathy helped me getting
dressed in the school uniform. I was happy that my mother had
exercised me during my home visit. The foreign food had made me
gain some pounds so the corset felt tighter than usual.

When I returned Miss. Bianca had strapped a tray on to her with a
couple of plastic bottle and glasses on. She was guiding Nazanin
how to walk around without them. It was difficult for her to keep
her body upright and I could see that she had received a couple
of lashes with the whip already. Miss. Bianca ordered me to
continue with the training.

In the evening I helped her to get the neck corset off. She was
thirsty and drank a bottle of water as soon I gave it to her.
When she had recovered she began to speak.

“Oh my God. I didn’t know that schools could be just as harsh as
ours Koran schools. It was difficult and I doubt that I can make
it.”

“My dear Nazanin. You have been through so much. I know that you
can do it. We will all support you. Don’t doubt yourself.”

The next days went on as the first one. Nazanin were dressed and
trained all day and she were improving slowly - maybe too slowly.

I talked with Kathy about it and she asked me what made me stop
fighting the program turn to the path toward healing. Then I
remembered.

In the evening when the neck corset was removed the rest of my
peer group entered the room. We took her over to a bed where we
all kissed a hugged her. She was receiving all kind of sisterly
comfort a person could be given and in the end she truly saw the
meaning of the expression “your brothers keeper”.

It was a turning point in her life and a critically point in our
effort to integrate her in a foreign culture.

After a week she was working down at the houses were parents
visiting their children in the program slept serving them around
the pool with drinks and food.

But another dark cloud entered the horizon – my graduation.

22. The greater picture
=======================

We were the uniforms for graduation. They consisted a corset, a
leather helmet with a ponytail mounted on the top of it and long
boots going all the way up to the knees. A leather muff completed
it.

We were training to perform a kind of River Dance as part of the
graduation ceremony. Deep inside I was confused. A part of me was
happy that the program was over soon another part of me feared
what would come next.

It is hard to explain. While we are in fact imprisoned here at
the ranch, we are also kind of protected from the world. At no
point did I have to take a stand on things like boyfriends,
drinking and drugs. Not even grades because we are measured on
daily basis with electronically questionnaires. Too low a score
and we end up in the horse walker for a couple of hours before
being given the password to our computer, which enable us to
retry a certain chapter. You learn fast in such an environment!

When I graduated, I could prove to be a success or I could fail.
The fear of failing did almost turn me into a pillar of salt. One
day it just became too much. I found a quiet spot and sat down
and cried. Miss Bianca found me. She asked me what I was sorry
for and I explained how scared I was of failing once I graduated.

“Susan. You need to both talk and listen. What if you came up to
our house and ate dinner with us.”

“Do you want me to do that?”

“Yes, of course. I know that it is not a part of the program, but
we are here to help each and everyone of you. You are not just a
number in the system and that is what you parent paid for. It is
not like the ranch down the road, which is owned by a man in
South Carolina. We are able to make exceptions when necessary.”

Later I joined the Normans to dinner. We talked about the program
and how the bellowed president of WWADS created the first program
in Jamaica several years ago. I understood that the management
somehow was related. Mr. Hallowgreen’s niece was married with the
program of Mrs. Burns at the Whitefish branch. Miss. Bianca’s
uncle did run the Mexico branch and one of her brothers was
working in the group home department in Boston, which was owned
by cousin of Mrs. Burns, but as she said it is normal in many
programs especially those founded in Utah.

Nazanin – only wearing the corset – did the cooking and ate with
us. When the dinner was over we went into their living room. Over
a cup of coffee Miss. Bianca asked what I was afraid of out in
the real world. I told her that I didn’t know what to do after
the high school exam.

“Susan. It is normal to be in doubt. However, I feel that we have
got to know you during your year here at the ranch. You have a
gift. The way you explain problems makes it easy for students to
understand them. Have you thought about being a teacher.”

I hadn’t thought about that.

“Sometime life can open new doors, if you are given some
opposition. Rick. Tell her how you ended up here.”

“Well, here is my story. My father died when I was 17 and I guess
had my step-mom – Bianca’s aunt not interfered, I would be
sitting in my room watching Television to this day when I was not
working shipping burgers over the counter. She sent me to Mexico
where I went through boot camp and met Bianca. I also had the
pleasure attending school in Jamaica and in Montana, before
Bianca’s uncle asked me to start this place for high school
students having problems with their senior year. It seemed only
fit that I, who had experienced such difficulties could pay back
the help I got.”

Miss Bianca continued. “My life had also stopped when my mother
shipped me to the place my uncle runs. Although I had a crisis in
Montana I came over it with the help from Rick and the caring
staff up there.” She kissed her husband.

“Susan. No matter what you do something you cannot change. You
are older than when you started here. You have matured from a
naďve schoolgirl to a beautiful young woman. You will take
decisions, which are far better analyzed that you would have been
capable to last year. We are not worried. You shouldn’t either.”

The rest of the evening we talked about the program and why they
only take older students. As I could understand there had been a
raid on a nearby ranch back in 2003 and now schools in Costa Rica
only offered boarding school stays for older students. They hoped
that the ranch would be a finishing school in a couple of years
and I have to say that I had learned a couple of things during
this year.

The next day I turned 18. I could walk out of the program, if I
liked to but I was so close to graduation that it would be crazy
to quit. I got a letter from my family wishing me happy birthday
and that they would celebrate my birthday just after the
graduation. It was the first time I had celebrated my birthday
without my family. I missed them but the thought about leaving
the program made me focus on the final task.

23. Graduation
==============

The next days I concentrated on our show and all too soon it was
Saturday and my family arrived. Our show was great and then it
was time for graduation speech. Rick Norman entered the stage.

“I have to congratulate the students. They all have worked hard
in order to come to this stage in the program. Emotional growth
is not something that comes out of nowhere. People have to be
open-minded and reach for it.”

“This year we tried something new. We tested a new concept
involving the students to travel to another country, which for
them were a further step out of their comfort zone. We salute
their courage and for it was not only knowledge they brought
back. They got a friend and extra student back – Nazanin
Gonzarles, who will be here for a number of years. Building bonds
across continents – what an outstanding achievement!”

“Our student faced opposition, harshness and challenge head on
and they held their heads up. I am forever proud of the
graduation students of this year. Let us raise our glasses and
salute them.”

Next it was time for us to be handed our diplomas. They had a
special ceremony based on an old Chinese custom called Dong Lung
Gong and in order to go through it, we were ordered to have
blindfolds on and stay in an adjoining room until our names were
called.

A number of students were called and then it was my turn. A staff
member took my arms and guided me up to the stage. They told me
to lie down on my knees and I understood that I was placed on
some kind of bench. Next they told me to open my mouth and before
I knew it I had a gag ball in my mouth.

They guided me on to the stage where I was asked to lie down on
some kind of bench. Once I was lying on my stomach they strapped
me down with leather straps and I got a collar around me neck.
The blindfold was removed.

I found myself on the stage with all the families looking. My
father was on the stage and Rick handed him a whip. He told my
father to give me a number of lashes equal to my age as a kind of
kick-start to my life out in the open world.

My father stepped into position. Then the first lash fell. It
wasn’t too hard. The audience chanted “One”. Of course it I could
not count the number of times in the program where I have been
whipped. The second followed and the third. It was still only the
burning feeling.

Then I noticed that my mother had joined my father on the stage.
He gave her the whip and then she delivered the next three
lashes. Now the burning became more intense. She gave the whip
back to my father. The next three lashes felt harder than the
previous. I groaned in the gag.

My mother took the whip again. Tears began to run down over my
cheeks. The audience was standing and chanted “Ten, Eleventh,
Twelve”.

She paused and gave the whip to my father. He seemed very caught
up by the situation and the lashes felt like I was hit with a
red-hot wire. I wasn’t sure that I would survive it.

My mother got the whip again “Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen”. Then
they applauded and I was released. We hugged and I cried. Rick
handed me my diploma. “Susan. You deserve it. You have worked
hard."

We went down to our table where my brother hugged me and Nazanin
came with a pillow and a bottle of antiseptic lubricant. I went
out in the toilet with my mother where she treated me before we
went into the hall again and saw the rest of the students
graduating. It was late before I went to bed.

The next day I was about to dress when my mother entered the
room. “Susan. Why are you in the harness? You have graduated.”

“Mom. I have arranged to take Nazanin out for a last ride in the
cart so we can depart properly.”

“Of course. You have been together so much.”

When I came out Nazanin fastened me to a cart and I pulled her
out to the lake by the cabin where our seminars were held.

We stood and watched the scenario for a long time until she
turned towards me and we united in a kiss.

Several hours later we arrived back at the cabins and it was time
to go. It was a lot of crying. It was strange so depart with all
my friends. Regardless how tough the program had been, bonding
with my fellow students was the best. We left close to the
evening and when we drove over the level crossing I saw the last
of Stalwart of Support – the school, which had been a part of my
life for almost a year.

A chapter of my life was over. A huge leap into adulthood was in
front of me.

24. My new life
===============

It was been five years since I left Stalwart of Support.
Presently I am an English teacher in Costa Rica. When I returned
to the states, I had to take some extra courses because not all
education in behavior orientated schools like SoS are accredited.
We were surprised but it is normal.

But I took the extra courses and went to college. Then I decided
that I wanted to teach and help children like I was helped.

First I worked in the States but soon I found out that I had a
problem. Partially due to my stay I – like many girls in these
modern times – had suppressed my sexuality. I found myself drawn
to the elderly boys in High school. In fact you could argue that
I was living my teenage years aged in the twenties. It was so
hard and I knew that if I gave in to my instinct I could be in
trouble legally.

Relationships? No. I found myself unable to bond with other
people. Some part of me did not trust other people. I have to
admit that I at some point became so frustrated that I even wrote
critically about the program on Fornits – a webforum for former
students at schools like the ranch. I could only contain
one-night stands. As soon as someone tried to speak with me about
marriage or just living together I always found a way to end the
relationships. So I was lonely but at the same time in a process
discovering my sexuality as I was only 15.

It was a matter of time before I could end up in the newspapers
like the many other female teachers caught in sexual
relationships with their students.

So I decided to leave the country and relocate to Costa Rica – a
country I had learned to love. I took a job in a small village by
the Ocean called Camaronal. It was a beautiful village with a
river running trough it. I enjoyed my job and the best part is
that Nazanin came into my life again.

She still works at the Ranch but she gets weekends off and I
suspect that the Ranch is doing this in order to avoid further
posting about the program. Bad press, a lot of deaths and the
investigation by the U.S. Government Accountability Office have
destroyed a lot for the industry.

Nazinin – the love of my life. Of course we often invite on the
local boys in for a milking, but when her contract with the ranch
ends, she will move in with me.

I have a huge garden and we have built a fence. When I moved in I
purchased a cart and a horse walker. Maybe I should ask if she
would let me exercise. I have to loose a few pounds.

Sometime I wonder how my life would have been if my parents had
allowed me to drop out of high school. Some of my former
classmates complain about how they missed prom and all the
benefits of their senior year, but I have come to realize that
all bad things happen for a reason. Destiny for me was to meet
Nazanin. In the end, all turned out well.

Well. That is my story. I hope that you have found it inspiring
if you are parent to a teenager, who talks about dropping out of
High School.


THE END
