The Special Joys of Threesome Sex
Tips for Men Who Want To Get Started
Updated on 8/28/05

By Joan...

The following information has been prepared for men who wish to consider adding MFM sexual pleasures to their sensual life.  It is the basic premise of this piece that the reader has already decided to open himself to the pursuit of threesome adventures.  I sincerely hope these thoughts will benefit you as you plan ways of bringing about one or more FMF or MFM threesome experiences for your pleasure... and for the pleasure of the woman in your life.

By the way, it is not my desire to "win converts" to my chosen lifestyle.  Rather,  it is my hope that readers will open their minds and relationships to the special pleasures and possibilities that threesomes provide.  


First... I suggest that you let your primary female partner know that you are open to... or wish to pursue... the addition of one or more people to your shared "recreational sex" experiences.  Start having conversations about the distinction between sex for love... sex for recreation... and sex for procreation.  Let her see X-rated videos or read books or magazines which spotlight the pleasures of multiple-partner recreational sex.

I know that initially... that could send shock waves through some wives or girlfriends.  But, be open and honest with your feelings.  Let her know the kind of fantasies that stimulate you (her and another gal focusing on your pleasure, another guy and you focusing on her pleasure, you giving simultaneous pleasure to her and another gal, you alone with another gal, her alone with another guy, you and her with more than one other person, etc.).

Chances are she will not quickly jump at the idea of inviting others into your shared sex life.  Most women equate great sexual fulfillment and the warmth of sexual sharing with emotions akin to love.  That is why MOST women never allow themselves to enjoy more than one man at a time... and miss out on the wonderful expansive possibilities of enhanced, multiplied pleasures.  Most women who do allow themselves to try a few threesomes find that their sex lives are greatly improved... and that their personal levels of sexual fulfillment are GREATLY elevated!

I went through those typical female emotions in the early years of my sexual development... and particularly in the earliest experiences of enjoying more than one male partner during the same time period (even when it was not involving group sex).  You men seem less likely to be restrained by those sex=love feelings.  Percentage wise, more men than women tend to be able to enjoy sex for itself... and keep the pleasure of those experiences separate from their emotional relationships.

This article assumes that you have a wife or woman in your life.  Naturally, you could choose to go outside your primary relationship to experience MFM, FMF, or group pleasures.  Frankly, many of the men who I have enjoyed along with my two guys have been married guys who were enjoying threesome sex even though the primary woman in their life was not willing to get involved in threesomes.  However, until later in this piece, I am focusing on efforts you can make to keep your sexual pleasures something you SHARE with your spouse or girlfriend.

You and your main lady may have never even discussed opening your sex life to the inclusion of others.  Probably, it will be you who initiates the idea.  In that case, you need to open her mind to such ideas GENTLY!  Share in watching X-rated movies which include scenes which reflect what is on your mind.  Share in reading Forum or other magazines which feature stories which reflect what is on your mind.  When you see such films or read such stories, let her know that they turn you on... watch to see her reactions.  

Ask her what she thinks of such "recreational sex" experiences.  Ask her if she would like to experience the feeling of another guy's cock inside her while you cuddle, kiss and caress her.  While you are in the heat of passion, ask her how she would like to feel another guy tonguing and kissing her clit and pussy while you hold and kiss her.  When she is nearing her orgasm, ask her how she would like to have both of her breasts sucked simultaneously... one by you, and one by another guy.

Be patient.  Let these thoughts soak in over as along a period of time as is needed.  The rest of this article assumes you have successfully persuaded her to "try" a threesome or  some couple-swap situation, etc.  This is when you need to show her your highest level of love and affection.  Try to extract a promise that "try" means at least a few such experiences... just in case the first one or two are less than satisfactory.

Once you have gained her agreement to try such extra-partner-sex situations...  you need to watch her responses in the days ahead.  Is she really enthusiastic about the new possibilities ahead... or is she now reflecting some second thoughts or potential jealousy... or fear of jealousy by you.

You may want to talk further about how you will both deal with any potential jealousy that may surface further down the line.  You may also wish to make it clear how each of you will communicate with the other about limitations either of you want to impose on your expanded sex life as things develop.


Second... you will want to ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND that the anticipated new experiences you are about to have should be SHARED experiences... shared between you and your wife, or you and the primary woman in your life.  

Early on, you will want to determine which of you will identify the potential additional person or people you will invite into your sex life.  Will SHE bring the extra person or people into your shared bed... or will YOU be the one to identify that person and create the setting to bring that person into your shared sex life.

Maybe you will want to SHARE in creating a "prospect list" or in determining a method of identifying a prospective extra person (or persons)... or characteristics desired in that extra person (tall, short, younger, older, married, single, certain physical characteristics, local, non-local, friend, stranger, etc.).  Or, she may ask you who you think you would enjoy inviting to join in your expanded sex life.  You may even want to start with some couple-couple action first, so you can both gain a higher level of comfort in the earliest experiences... and so you can make some initial contacts with others who have opened their sex lives.

From my experience as a woman, a large part of the fun of MFM and FMF threesomes is the anticipation... the planning... the fantasizing about it in advance with your primary partner.  I know women who have not actually experienced their first threesome until LONG after having decided that they would do it... enjoying with their mates the prolonged anticipation and knowledge that "one day" it would actually happen.  However, remember that you can fantasize too much.   Either or both of you can build expectations too high.  

Sometimes it is necessary to postpone that actual first experience due to need for privacy, discretion and anonymity.   It may require that you place ads or follow-up ads... or that you travel to another city.  It may require the acquisition of a discrete PO box or private voice mail subscription... or a discrete e-mail address.  It may require the both of you... or you or her alone... to do some initial "interviews," to enhance your shared "comfort level" with a prospective new guy or gal.

Even if you choose someone who is a close friend of one or both of you, it may take some time setting up the right situation (a shared date, a special dinner, an over-night stay together someplace, etc.) where things can warm up properly.


Third... think about whether you seek ONE-TIME, TEMPORARY or LONG-TERM additional partners?  I know that the permanent three-way partnership that my two guys and I live in is rather unique.  Few others will even want to establish a long-term three-way relationship.  Two-way "primary" partnerships with an occasional third person joining in just for the fun of it... that is the more typical threesome scene.       
                                                
However, I know a number of couples who have opened themselves to an extra guy or gal in their sex life ONLY on the premise that the extra person is also a friend or relative of one or both of them.  I know women who have invited their sisters or college roommates into on-going threesome pleasures with their husbands or boyfriends... and women who have welcomed on-going threesome relationships when the extra guy was a friend or brother of their husband or primary male friend.  Some couples have restricted their threesome ventures to one, two or three such friends or relatives... and would not consider inviting a "stranger" into their bed.

When a close friend or relative is chosen... and it works out... such relationships can often continue for years.  As a matter of fact, they usually continue indefinitely, unless one of the parties proves to be a jerk, or unless circumstances change for one or more of the parties.

Other times, women absolutely refuse to consider inviting into their beds anyone who either she or her guy know or are related to.  Everyone is different.  Everyone has different circumstances

When a stranger is chosen, it can be a "one-night affair," or it could turn into an oft repeated pleasure for all.  Sometimes couples start by intending things to be temporary or one-time events... only to find that they have developed a new kind of friendship that they all wish to periodically repeat over a long-term period.


            
GETTING STARTED
Once a couple has decided to open themselves to the addition of one or more occasional "playmates," there are some basic things that must happen.


1.  I have mentioned it above, but you MUST deal with "the jealousy factor" before it comes up.  If either party believes they would be jealous if they saw the other having sex with someone else... get it out in the open immediately.  In this event, you will both want to establish a pact that (a) you will be totally open with each other along the way,  (b) you will only have sex with another partner while the potentially-jealous partner is present (or only after the potentially-jealous partner knows and agrees), and (c) UNTIL YOU MUTUALLY DECIDE OTHERWISE, the extra guy will be for the purpose of joining you in focusing doubled-attention on the wife/girlfriend... or, the extra gal will ONLY be for the purpose of joining the wife/girlfriend in focusing doubled-attention on the husband... and the person receiving the doubled-attention will focus their attention PRIMARILY on their spouse.  Example, while the extra guy is nibbling on her pussy or filling it with his cock, her husband is cuddling with her and necking with her while she talks with him, telling him what it feels like to be in his arms while another guy is stroking in and out of her... etc.


2.  Remember to jointly decide on any LIMITATIONS you mutually agree to impose on your proposed threesome.  For example, she insists that the other guy wear a condom... or NOT enter her anally.  Or, he insists that the other guy NOT come in her pussy or mouth.  Or, you mutually decide that extra partners NOT be given your real names and NOT be invited to your home.  Maybe you won't have any such limitations, but if either partner has strong feelings on any of these subjects, set the RULES up front... so you can share them (as it may be appropriate) with the third person. 


3.  Decide on THE WAY TO MEET a third person to join you in a threesome.  By now you have probably agreed that you want to focus on inviting a friend or acquaintance to join you... or you may have decided that you DO NOT WANT to involve someone you already know.  

In that case, you may want to (a) attend a Swing Party for the purpose of meeting prospective threesome friends, or (b) patronize an Adult Store or Adult Movie House for the purpose of making potential contacts (this works... often couples are able to make eye contact with a guy [less often with a gal] or a couple in an Adult Bookstore or XXX Movie Theater, motion them to the door of the Bookstore or to their seat within the theater, and openly let their wishes be known... without fear of rejection... and often with successful results), or (c) patronize a Topless Bar (this also works... and can be a way to meet that extra gal), (d) follow-up ads or place ads in local or national contact publications, or (e) start checking out the MANY on-line contact opportunities.  

Following up ads in x-rates contact magazines is a very good way to meet people, but you probably will need to have a PO box, an anonymous voice mail service (attached to a pager is even better), or discrete e-mail address as a way folks may respond to you. This will allow one or both of you to meet the prospective third person and get to know them while remaining anonymous.  

With just a little searching on the Internet, you will find LOTS of chances to meet erotricly-motivated guys and gals on-line.  Again, you will need a discrete e-mail address for such contacts... and maybe a private phone line, cell phone or pager for when you want to make actual contact with a prospective person.

Lets say hubby is meeting a prospective guy.  The meeting could be at a bar or lounge.  Wife could go in first, and sit at another table... so she can watch while hubby "interviews" the prospective guy.  They can have a pre-arranged signal (like wife dropping her hankie on the floor) as a signal that "he looks good," or "No Way."  Then the wife can join them or not... as she wishes.  Or, he can excuse himself to the rest room so he can meet her in the back alone before she joins them... or before he says, "We'll call you."

BE AWARE... if the guy or gal has never been involved in a threesome before, you PROBABLY don't want to select him/her as one of your first extras.


4.  Have a plan as to WHERE you would prefer meeting this third person for your first encounter.  At your place?  Generally not a good idea.  Motels are good.  Motels that offer hot tubs are even better (as a way to cut the ice).  Adult motels are often the best.  If the third person is a gal, you can probably be a bit more flexible in where you first meet.


Now that you have the basic decisions out of the way, 


5.  Plan your wearing apparel to fit the occasion.  If you will be meeting at a beach, pool or hot tub... you should both consider some minimal, sexy swim wear.  If you will be meeting at a bar, she should dress as sexy as possible (short skirt, semi-revealing blouse with no bra, etc.) and if you are meeting a gal, you should dress sharp... look handsome.  If you will be going to an X-rated movie in the hopes of meeting a guy, she should wear a loose, easy-opening blouse with no bra, and a very full skirt with no panties... so that within the dark of the theatre she can choose to retain a discrete appearance, or allow you or ??? access to her breasts and crotch as the situation unfolds.

6.  Make plans to DO IT SOON!  Remember, you can fantasize too much.   Either or both of you can build expectations too high.  Remember also that the sex you have between the two of you IS LIKELY to be better than sex with THE FIRST FEW extra people... just because you know each other better, and there is less chance of anxiety getting in the way.  You may get a guy who "gets off" and wants to leave... without really GIVING pleasure to your wife/girlfriend.  That can be the pits!  Or, you may get a gal who "freezes up" just as the fun begins.  It may take a few threesome experiences before you locate extra partners who truly melt into your shared love-making wishes.

7.  Assuming the threesome went EVEN MODERATELY WELL... you should both genuinely thank the third person, and embrace them before they leave.  You may want to try it again with this person.  They should leave with a feeling of "warm fuzzies."

8.  Finally, after each threesome experience, the two of you MUST spend some time re-living the experience with each other... what it felt like... how you would each like it to be different or similar next time... how you each appreciate and love the other for helping to make the threesome possible.  Be sure to give your wife or girl friend extra tender loving after your threesome experiences.  You might even want to EACH write down your thoughts on each of those early threesome experiences and share them with someone (like me), just so you can express yourself fully... and so you can remember later how those initial experiences went.



SOME IDEAS FOR GETTING THE ACTION GOING
When you have identified a prospective third party and the situation allows, let the opposite sex dance with that third party... invite them to join you for a dip in a hot tub someplace... invite them to join you in providing a full body massage to one of the three of you... challenge them to a game of "Truth or Dare"  (see my story #3-105).  

If your chosen "prospect" is a friend or relative, consider creating a setting at your home, motel, beach resort or a ski lodge where you all have minimal clothes... or where you can all recline on a blanket in front of a roaring fire.  Then one of you can start massaging the other... while inviting the third person to assist. 

Truth or Dare allows for lots of ways to "break the ice."  Certain "Dares" can lead to the removal of clothes... or intimate kisses... or blind-folded caresses... or performing certain requested sexual acts.  Requests for "Truth" can open the way for asking intimate questions about sexual preferences, past sexual experiences, and determining the other person's wishes for exploring sex together NOW.

When the extra person is a guy, you can always note how your wife or girlfriend really loves to receive a massage... particularly a four-handed, full-body massage.  Seldom will the extra guy turn down that offer.  Naturally, if oil is involved, everyone will have to shed their clothes so they don't get oil on their clothes.  

When the extra person is a gal, the wife/girlfriend can always comment that you love to have your back rubbed.  She might start rubbing your back through your shirt, and eventually ask the other lady to join her.  Then she could break away to get some oil while the extra lady continues... and return to request that you remove your shirt and pants so they don't get oil on your clothes.  It can start out non-sexual, and then as things warm up, your lady can run her oil-covered hand under your shorts while commenting that "this area seems to need attention too."  If the other lady is turned-on by this point, she will join in.  


NEED MORE IDEAS?
I have a series of stories in my on-line library... gathered over a period of years... which contains stories by and about men, women and couples who have allowed themselves to enjoy the experience of additional sex partners... within the context of existing "primary" relationships... mostly for the purpose of mutual recreation and enhanced levels of sexual fulfillment.

Some of the stories were written by me (Joan), others were written by people who have written to me to share their TRUE personal experiences, and some are stories (real or fiction???) that I have found along the way, which I believe demonstrate the many variations possible when men and women open themselves to the pleasures that are possible when they add one or more new people to their sex life.

These stories can be useful to demonstrate "how-to" stuff to people who are new to threesomes.    They allow folks who are new to threesome adventures to try those things which the reader finds will fit into their "comfort zone."  Some readers will consider portions of these stories excessively "raw."  While other readers will find those same passages erotic and stimulating.

You will find my extensive LIBRARY OF TRUE ADVENTURES IN EXTRA-PARTNER SEX on-line at:
http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/Joans_True_3-some_Stories/ 

If you would like to receive a current list of my stories via e-mail, simply request it by e-mailing me at JJJ3313260@AOL.COM.  Simply drop me an e-mail note with some information about yourself (certifying that you are age 18 or older) and your level of experience or your particular fantasies... and request a specific story or two. I will e-mail them back to you as attachments.


IF YOU ARE A GUY ON YOUR OWN...
Some men, married and single, simply cannot get a woman to join them in the pursuit of multiple-partner sex.  Often those men still wish to explore such pleasures on their own.  If that is your situation, the following suggestions may be helpful.

1.  Get yourself a discrete e-mail address and/or PO box... and a private voice mail service... preferably with an attached paging service.  These services will enable you be "reachable."

2.  Pick a name (other than your real one) that you will consistently use.  I know, everyone wants you to be open with them... but you can choose to use your real identity later... if and when you are comfortable that you are not dealing with kooks. 

3.  Place some ads in local, regional or national publications, or at one of the MANY on-line adult contact sites.  Be straight forward.  If you wish to be the "extra guy" for threesomes with couples.... say so!  If you and another male friend wish to offer threesome experiences to women... say so!  If you have some additional incentive to offer (like a full-body four-handed massage), offer it!  Be sure to include your voice mail phone number (if possible) for replies.  Reply levels to PO boxes and e-mail addresses are somewhat lower... but they enable written communication and the sending of pictures (if you or the lady wish to send them).

4.  When you get replies... comply with the requests of the couple or lady as much as you can.  If you don't want your picture out there... have a good reason why you do not exchange photos.  This is when your e-mail or voice mail with pager comes in handy... for quick replies from couples or ladies... when they are in the mood.

5.  Suggest a meeting at a neutral place (a bar, restaurant, etc.) where you can get to know each other (whether it is a lady alone who is replying, the male half of a couple, or a couple).  Then, be there slightly ahead of schedule... dressed handsomely and cleanly.  Be sensitive as to what they want to tell you on this first meeting... not digging for information that they do not want to give at this point.  Let this be a fun, friendly experience as you get to know each other.  Don't push forward too quickly.  But, when it is clear that the lady or couple wants to do something... be prepared to go RIGHT THEN if that is what they want.  Have condoms, massage oils, etc. in your car... just in case you will want them, and in case you end up "going for it" right then.

6.  When you do get together, remember, as the extra guy, you should suggest that you cover the costs of the motel, etc.  Be an absolute gentleman!  If you are alone with a lady, make sure you give her every reason to feel comfortable, secure and safe.  Start by necking... instead of a quick tear-off of her clothing.  If you are with a couple, let the other guy lead the way on what happens, and how quickly.

7.  Other than the ads you place, you can also respond to the ads of couples... you can visit adult book stores and make eye contact with any couples which may come in while you are there... you can visit X-rated movie houses and sit as far back as you can.  In this case, watch for couples who may come in.  Make eye contact if you can.  When the situation seems right, be GENTLY AGRESSIVE... move over near them and (if possible) start a conversation.

Believe me, even single guys can enjoy multiple-partner sex... if they make things work for themselves.  The means of discrete communication (PO box, discrete e-mail address, voice mail, pager, etc.) are essential if you want to make new contacts.  Then, when you have made your contacts, you MUST be a gentleman... and you MUST focus on GIVING pleasure to the lady involved.  That will enhance the probability that you will be invited to join her (them) again.  I can't stress that last part enough.  

YOU MUST BE THE SOURCE OF ELEVATED LEVELS OF EXTRA PLEASURE FOR HER... BEFORE you allow yourself to be satisfied.    B E   A   G I V E R !    If you do, you'll get your rewards.

Good luck!      


Love,
Joan in Colorado
