JZL is my life story series. You can find out more about the entire
series at
http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/jzlstories.html ,
 and more of the early years at
http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/jzlearlyyears.html


I've grouped this whole period together, 05 through 10.  I didnt'
really have sex during this period, though it came very close to it
sometimes, especially in the last period (JZL_10_02).

Our childhood experiences shape much of our later life, I think.  When
I was younger, I didn't know what being an adult would be like, but
like a lot of kids, I did think that I knew what I wanted to do, and
often, I had a better idea of what I enjoyed doing than my parents.  I
got mixed messages about sex early on.  It was bad for kids to do,
good for adults.  But my parents wouldn't or couldn't explain why that
was, but I was smart enough to figure out that I couldn't ask or tell
them about my explorations of this subject.  Things might have turned
out differently if I'd felt free to talk this stuff over with them.

Looking back on this triggers a strong adult/parent reaction from me. 
If I were my parent, and knew what "Jeff" was doing, I'd have been
very worried, and want to do something about it.  Yet I know that I
remember these things fondly, pleasant memories all.  The things which
were scary had to do with getting caught doing it, or being punished
for doing lots of other things when I didn't understand what I'd done
that was so wrong.  I'm sure that I wouldn't punish my child for
playing naked with the babysitter, but I'm not sure that I could just
talk about it and let it go on.  I think I could talk about it,
though, and recognize that both teenage babysitters and preteen
children have a natural curiosity about their bodies and sensations,
and it isn't wrong for them to explore that.

I managed to write out the events thinking in memory mode, just
imagining my life and trying not to judge the events.  That was easy
enough, if I thought about how I felt then, as a happy kid some of the
time, enjoying new discoveries and friendships.  Each thing I learned
tended to lead into other things.  I don't think that I'd have been so
interested in getting naked with friends, or playing that way with
girls, if I hadn't been exposed to it while younger.  But I can't be
sure.  The desire to do it was something inside me, and even parental
punishments when caught didn't change that part at all.  I just got
smarter about not being caught the next time.

JZL05_01_TheBeginning-Sheila  -- My babysitter let us play naked, and
even got naked herself.  At five, I didn't think that this was
anything bad, and enjoyed it until our parents caught us.

JZL07_01 The Beginning, Grade School Romance -- This covers ages 6-7,
a period in which not much involving sex happened to me.  I did make
friends with girls, and even kissed a girl in school, so it wasn't
completely devoid of things of this nature.

JZL09_01 -- On the Farm:  We moved far from the city, and I learned to
enjoy playing naked outside.  Mostly, this was a time to get away from
things in the city, and make new friends in a much quieter, peaceful
place.

JZL10_01 -- Debbie in the Woods:  The girl that lived next door was my
close friend, maybe my best friend, and she was willing to join me in
playing naked outside.  I wasn't ready for sex, and I didn't even call
this romance, just friendship.  It was a very happy time for me, mixed
with problems from my parents.

JZL10_02 -- Back in the City:  Moving back to the big city meant
losing my close friends, including Debbie.  But I got to see my old
ones, and my body was ready to experience the joys of sexual pleasure,
and that happened. My siblings were close to me, and I shared this
information with them.  I also got a new baby sister, just newborn,
and that made our house more crowded.  It pushed us three older kids
closer together, with our parents busy, but I think we would have
explored our sensations together no matter what, because I was ready
and willing to share that with them.

I really wanted to do more with other friends my age, but it wasn't
easy to break the ice from playing kid games to playing with sex.  But
a lucky encounter prompted me to try for it next year.


One thing in general that I want to say is that my siblings and I
didn't seem to have much worry or embarrassment about nudity or sex
between each other.  I don't know if other kids feel the same way, or
if we were unusual in that way.  Our parents did try to discourage
some of this when they found out, but mostly we were good at not
letting them learn of how we'd play naked together.  Though I was the
oldest, I didn't push either my brother or sister into doing this
stuff with me, nor make them do it on their own.  I'd ask, and they'd
say yes or now.  I'd let them know what I was doing, and once I
learned about masturbating I did it often.  No way that my brother
sharing my room wouldn't learn about it, and since my sister didn't
tease me about it, I didn't mind letting her in on the secret either. 
Maybe if our parents paid more attention they might have explained why
we shouldn't do this together, I don't know.  We might not have
listened, because I didn't see any harm from touching each other and
enjoying the sensations.


Even when we found other partners to play with sexually, we still
shared things between each other for a long time.  I don't know if it
is normal, but it is what we did, and we seemed to turn out just fine
from it.  Our parents, though, either didn't know or didn't care, and
I suspect that they simply didn't realize what we'd done together.  No
more than they really knew how much we'd done with other kids our ages
and older.  We were awfully good at keeping such things secret,
careful about talking about it at home, and both lucky and careful
about getting caught.  Being "cool" was something we all tried to be. 
That meant that if we were doing something we weren't supposed to be
doing, we'd never panic if someone noticed.  We'd pretend to be doing
something we were supposed to be doing, and act naturally, like good
happy kids.  Sex and romance wasn't something we were ready for,
according to adults, and it wasn't our fault that we'd learned about
it early and liked it.

It may be that my discoveries changed how my siblings felt.  I can't
tell for sure about things like that.  My parents might have had much
more to do with it, from mixed messages about sex to very irrational
ranting and punishments when they were drunk.  It is so much easier to
say what happened than why it happened.  I do know that I was on about
sex from an early age, enjoying sensuality and nudity, touching
myself, and wanting to do it with other people.  Where those feelings
came from I can't say, but nothing anyone did slowed them down much at
all.  I did learn to be very discreet about relationships, keeping
them secret because there were always others who felt that sex was
wrong.  On the other hand, the freedom of the 60s and 70s meant that
there were lots saying it was a good thing, and I was just enjoying my
part in the fun.

Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/
For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
