Why Women Enjoy MFM and Related Adventures

By Joan
3/2002

According to leading Sociologists, the number of American women who have opened their lives to sexual affairs has substantially increased in the last five years.  It is estimated that as many as 60% of all married women have had affairs.  That's right.... 60%!

Yes, that's still less than the estimated 70% of all married men who are believed to have had affairs, but it reflects the fact that growing numbers of women are reaching out for sexual variety in their lives.

Sadly, traditional secret affairs still usually bring with them feelings of guilt and anxiety.  Yet, it is understandable that women, just like men, want their sensual lives to be fuller, they want "newness," and they want the excitement of experiencing different partners and different sexual adventures.

I have always been a proponent of variety in sexuality for both men and women.  But, I have advocated that couples share in the development of new sexual pleasures for each other... that they intentionally allow each other to experience extra partners... that they actively participate in providing extra partners "as gifts" for their primary partner.

Some call what I advocate "open marriage."  While I feel open marriages are far better than the traditional "closed," monogamous marriage... I feel that husbands and wives can enhance the open marriage concept by periodically inviting others to join THEM in bedroom play.  I encourage couples to explore the addition of another guy or gal to their love play as a way to take an active role in providing their spouse with extra partners while doubling that spouse's sensual pleasures.

For decades men have talked to their wives about bringing an extra guy to their shared bed.  Many men fantasize about watching their wife being serviced by one or more other guys.  Sometimes it is the woman who proposes such a threesome (MFM - male/female/male, or female-centered threesome).  But, more often than not, the wife is the "hesitant" party... turned-on by the idea, but "hesitant" to really give it a try.

Following are comments gleaned from letters I have received over the last few years from women who have opened their lives to extra partners... not within the context of affairs, but within the context of threesomes or open marriage agreements.  I will let them tell for themselves WHY they enjoy this way of expanding their feminine potential.


Lydia in Colorado -  
Since Bob and I started experimenting with threesome sex, I've become much more aware of my own sexuality and my sexual potential.  I feel like I am a much more desirable woman than I ever did before.  I have discovered that I have been able to try different sexual activities and to enter into the whole arena of lovemaking in a totally differently and relaxed way. 

These days I feel great about my sexuality in a way I wasn't even conscious of before with just my husband.  I like my body more.  I feel less inhibited and more free to do what I want sexually than I used to. 

Joan, please feel free to pass my comments on to other women.



Shirley, Washington State -
For years I felt like I was not really enjoying my sex life.  My husband and I had three kids, and we lived quite comfortably on his income from selling cars.  As time passed, our sex life seemed to become mundane and predictable.  At one point I considered having an affair.  More than one attractive guy had made overtures toward me over the years.

Meanwhile, when we did make love, Jim would often say, "How would you like it if another guy was fucking you while I necked with you?" or some variation thereof.  One day I finally said, "If you're serious, yes, I think I would like that."  After years of denying that the idea stimulated me, I think Jim was taken back a bit at my answer.

Surprisingly, our love life suddenly got much hotter.  We began talking about what we might do if we introduced another man (or woman) to our sex life.  Jim began to talk about ways he could discretely find and invite another guy to join us.

Without getting into details, about three years ago (when I was 39), we experienced our first MFM threesome.  To my surprise, it was a kick having two guys caress me, lick me, take turns eating me out, and then to feel the cock of another man enter my body for the first time in many years... all with my husband's support and approval!  When our new friend left, Jim told me how much he had enjoyed the whole thing, how he liked watching the other guy fuck me, and how he liked shoving his unusually hardened cock into my pussy that was coated in our guest's juices.

For weeks after, we re-lived that night, often ending the night with passionate love-making like we hadn't done in years.

I found that our marriage had developed a new spark, and I felt like I was discovering new things about myself as a result of our new "shared adventures."  As we repeated our evenings with our new male friend, I began to feel more... more feminine... more desirable.  After three years of periodic meetings with extra male partners, Jim and I seem to feel closer and he is more romantic than ever before.  I can't believe that I am enjoying the sexual variety and self-discovery I might find through an affair without any of the guilt or potential marriage-breaking secrecy that an affair might bring.

We haven't tried bringing another gal into our bed yet.  Jim says that is not important, but we may yet try it.  In the meantime, Jim has introduced four different guys to our MFM fun.  Each was different, both in technique, appearance and physical attributes.  I must admit it... I enjoyed all of them! 

	FROM Joan -
	Regardless whether the new guy was experienced by a woman within a 	
	threesome context or an affair, an estimated 90% of women who have 	
	allowed themselves to enjoy extra partners express the notion that the 	
	experiences have "expanded their self-image," helped them discover 	
	more about themselves, and changed them in positive and permanent	ways.  
	When the woman experiences new partners within the context of an MFM 
	with their husband, the positive, permanent changes often extend to 
	the marriage itself.



Angela -
As you know Joan, Mike and I adopted the MFM lifestyle some five years ago.  You asked what I have enjoyed most from the MFM experiences we have had.  I gave a lot of thought to your question after receiving your e-mail.  

Naturally I love all of the extra, intense sex I have been the center of, but I think one of the real benefits has been what these encounters have done for my own ego and self confidence.  I am 46 now, and five years ago I was beginning to see myself as a bit of a frump.  Since Mike has made it possible for me to get intimate with other guys, my ego has repeatedly been stroked by seeing that a number of men have been genuinely attracted to me, wanting me for who I am, enjoying me sexually and as a friend.

Mike has noticed my improved self-image.  The experiences have given me a whole new way of looking at myself. I have changed my way of dress... my whole appearance. I feel attractive again. Before Jim made it possible for me to really explore my sexuality with other guys (in his presence) I hadn't really felt sexy in years.  The whole set of experiences have made me feel very, very self-confident. 


On the same line of thought:

Patty -
I guess you must be surveying several of us who have corresponded over the years about threesome fun.  I had always been a rather traditional wife, not even willing to entertain thoughts of having sex with any man other than my Harry.  When Harry suggested (one night while he had me in orgasm heaven) that he would like to watch another guy fuck me, I thought he was absolutely crazy.  After much cajoling, I finally let him take me to an adult motel where he had another guy meet us "to give me a massage."

Surprise, surprise, the massage gradually moved toward sexual teasing, four-handed breast caresses... and while my husband was giving me a deep kiss, the "masseur" placed his head over my pussy and began to eat me like I had never been eaten before.  I climaxed with a roar!

After I had regained my composure, Harry asked me how I liked my "massage."  I blushed and said, "It sure was a good one."  The guys laughed, handed me some wine, and I lay back on the bed between Harry and our new friend.  Some thirty minutes later, while I was still laying on my back and enjoying the afterglow of the wonderful orally-induced orgasm, Harry wrapped his arm around me and held my head up so we could both watch as our new friend fed his rather sizable cock into my hitherto monogamous pussy.  Gawd what a fuck he gave me.  I was screaming in pleasure.  After I calmed down, to my surprise Harry got between my outstretched legs and gently licked me to another orgasm while I played with the "masseur's" cock and he sucked on my breasts.

The "masseur" now makes regular calls at our home.  Once he brought a male friend who also gave me a lot of pleasure.  Another time he brought a lady friend who gave Harry a blowjob.  Our "masseur" was buried inside me while I watched Harry being expertly sucked and licked until he squirted all over her face.  Before the evening was over I got to hold Harry's renewed cock upright as the other gal spread her legs and welcomed it into her pussy.  

To my surprise, I was not one bit jealous seeing Harry screw the woman.  I watched until she yelled in pleasure as Harry squirt a load into her.  After they recovered, Harry and our new lady friend lay on either side of me and each one sucked one of my breasts as my love tunnel got another "internal massage" from my personal massage man.

You asked what my attitudes are these days about "extra-partner sex," about myself, and about my marriage.

These new experiences have changed my life (our life) and they have changed my attitude toward myself. I seem to have a heightened confidence in myself as a sexy person and as a wife. I think I'm more sure of myself.  I no longer feel I have to prove any kind of sexiness like I used to.

I am 32 now, and for the last few years I have worried about the appearance of my body.  I wondered if I was still desirable.  The two guys I have recently been intimate with have made me feel... well, feel pretty, and sexy.   Both Harry and our masseur friend are constantly complementing me and making me feel good about myself.  Harry says he wants us to spend a night at a motel with another new guy soon.  Frankly, I am looking forward to it.   


Karen from Florida - 
When Bob first shared his fantasy with me, I was not interested.  But as we talked about it over the years, the idea began to appeal.  I think the problem was I could not imagine a guy I wanted to do this with.  

When we met Mark, that changed.  I am a woman who needs to know and like the guy first, plus there needs to be a sexual attraction.  I could never do this with a total stranger.  All of us are different in our feelings, which comes thru in your stories.

When we finally had our MFM threesome, the intensity of the sex just blew me away.  It was pure sex and lust and I loved every minute of it. The experience helped me understand my own sexuality and opened new doors to the pleasure and it also helped me understand men's sexuality better, too.   

I enjoyed the openness and became multi-orgasmic.  It increased our sexual life in quantity and quality by turning us both on.  I wanted my husband more and I wanted to do both guys more often.  We settled into a kind of routine of 3 or 4 experiences a year for a long time.  

We found that very stimulating to our sex life.  Often we discussed what we had done, and how we each felt.  It still turns us on to have these discussions.

For any couples trying to decide whether to try this lifestyle, I would just say be as sure as possible of your feelings.  For us, it drew us closer and made our sex life so much better.  I even decided I wanted Bob to have this experience and we set up a 3way with another woman. I enjoyed it so much.  I never could have done that without my experience with Mark.   

I'm sure we did something dangerous, and some couples could never handle it, but it was so right for us.  If I had it to do over, I would have done it sooner and more often.  


Marcie in Pennsylvania -
Before my husband and I opened our lives to additional sex partners, my life was wrapped up in caring for the kids, my husband and the house.  For some years I felt like I was living my life just for others, and that there must be more fun, more excitement, more personal fulfillment out there.

I was not very happy when my husband brought up the idea of each of us occasionally having sex with others.  We argued about it a lot.  Then one day I was talking with my hairdresser about the general topic of infidelity, affairs, lovers, etc.  I whispered to her what my husband had suggested.

She was quiet for a while.  Then she invited me to have coffee with her the next day.  I was curious why she suggested that, but agreed to join her.  When we met, she said she wanted to talk more with me about various ways women have extra lovers in their life.  She finally confided that for years her husband has treated her once every other month to a new male sex partner.  At first I was shocked.

She explained that he always had her dress up extra sexy, and then took her to a lounge where a new guy would be waiting for them.   Her husband would introduce them, let them dance a while to get acquainted, and then (if she was responding with interest) he would get a motel room where all three would go for a few hours of uninhibited sex play with her as the center of attention.   

After mulling over what she had told me, that night I told my husband what I had learned.  He laughed and said, "See, I told you I'm not the only one with that idea."  My hairdresser had told me lots of details about her encounters, and had gotten me really turned-on by the idea.

Well, the long and the short of it is that I agreed to let my husband set up the same sort of thing for me.  Actually, we have now done this several times over the last two years.

I have learned to fully enjoy all my body has to offer in the way of multiple pleasure.  I have even began to take charge of my life more than ever before.  Sure, I still invest a lot of energy in caring for my kids, my house and my husband, but I also have become more assertive in what I want.  

Once I told my husband that I wanted to see what it would be like to screw a black guy, and he set it up.  It was fun.  Different, erotic and fun.  Another time I told my husband that I wanted to set up a woman for him.  Naturally he agreed.  My hairdresser was more than willing to oblige.  I went shopping while they spent several hours in the hay.  They both told me all the details the next day.

My hairdresser suggested to my husband that he should treat me to a really young stud... and she knew just the guy to get.  He agreed, and the next Saturday night my husband held me in his arms while this 19-year-old Adonis screwed me like a jackrabbit.  

Again, the long and the short of it is that I no longer feel simply like a mother and staid wife.  I am still a loving mother and wife, but I feel I am ALSO a sensuous woman... a woman who is far more fulfilled than ever before.  I feel more like a well-rounded woman in my own right... not just my kids' mother or my husband's wife.

About this extra sex partner stuff... if I had it all to do over, would I let myself exit the conventional monogamous married life for multiple partners?  YOU BET I WOULD!


Carolyn W, Minnesota -
You asked why I enjoy our life now that we have agreed to invite others into our sex life.  Obviously I enjoy all the extra sex.  Well, that's not the only reason.

Kevin and I got married when we were both quite young.  He had had sex with three different girls before we met, but he was my first lover.  In other words, my entire sexual experience was him.  

Our openness to additional sex play friends has given me the confidence to know that I can do what's right for me.  Kevin feels the same way.  We don't care that mainstream society (if it knew) would probably say that what we do is wrong.

I have discovered that I feel better about myself these days. I appreciate a lot of different people where I used to appreciate a few people.  I feel that when we used to meet people simply on a social level, everything seemed shallow. Yet, now that we get into people's bodies and minds, the relationships are deeper and longer lasting.  These more intimate relationships seem to be more valid, honest, candid and definitely more exhilarating. Believe me, I don't want our new life to stop. 

Oh yes, incidentally, I have to admit again... I sure do enjoy all the sex and all the sexual variety these days!


Audrey -
At age 44, until Dick and I ventured into MFM threesomes, I saw myself as a middle-aged housewife with limited sexual fulfillment.  Oh yes, Dick and I had regular sex, but it was rather predictable.  It probably was not really satisfying to him either.

Without going into how we got started, I want to tell you that Dick and I are having a ball these days.  We have three guys and a gal who sort of take turns joining us for what we call our Saturday Fun-night.  All three guys are married (we prefer that), but the gal is a single mom who lives in the neighborhood.

One of the guys is an out-of-state salesman who travels through our area roughly once a month.  One is an over-the-road truck driver who is based in our area.  The other guy is a Realtor who has some very flexible hours.  Annie sometimes joins the two of us, occasionally gets together alone with Dick, and has occasionally joined us when we are with one of the guys.  We are not out looking for new partners.  We are happy with the four we have found.

Dick tells me he loves to watch my face respond when one of the other guys is taking me up the ladder to orgasm.  A few times I have met with one or two of the guys when Dick was not able to be present.  Those nights at bedtime, I always tell him every detail.  He loves hearing what they did to me and how I felt/responded.

Truth is, I get a kick out of watching my old man nibbling Annie to climax and then filling her with his cock.  A couple of times I cradled her in my arms while he did it, so we could all three feel part of the process.  Then Annie and I snuggled up on either side of Dick (with his spent dick) and took turns licking and sucking him back to rigidity.

Since agreeing to open our lives to additional sex partners four years ago, I have developed a whole new outlook on life.  I no longer think of myself as a middle-aged fuddy-duddy.  I think of myself as being younger and more interesting in almost every way.  I feel more attractive, exotic and vibrant.

Dick seems to treat me differently too.  We do more fun things together (non-sexual too).  He seems eager to engage me in a wide variety of conversations... and in fantasy talk that frequently turns us both on even when no one else is around.  Our sex life is far superior to what it was in my old "housewife days."


Bev in Kansas -
Joan, thanks for giving me this opportunity to tell other women why I enjoy the expanded sexual lifestyle my husband and I have adopted.  First, let me stress that having occasional new sex partners has helped to expand my own sexuality, my feelings about my feminine sensuality.

I feel MUCH more positive about my personal sexuality now than I ever did in my pre-MFM days. My husband even had some hang-ups about sexuality.  There were some sexual things he did not even try in those pre-MFM days.  Now I have experienced many of these things with other men... and found that I have enjoyed them very much.  And, now my dear husband has even opened himself to do things with me that he wouldn't do before.
 
These days I genuinely LOVE being a female!  As a matter of fact, I feel sorry for typical males.  God apparently just did not give many of them the capacity for the multiple and elevated levels of orgasmic pleasure that most of us females have been endowed with.

I am now over forty, and I would not want to be any other age.  With the lifestyle my husband and I have adopted, and the years of experience I have behind me, I know that I have the sureness of self that I never had when I was younger and was inhibited by the unnatural monogamy of our conventional marriage. It has been a wonderful discovery to know that this formerly mousy Kansas girl has become sensual and attractive to men... not just to my husband... but seemingly to a large number of men. 

I enjoyed orgasms when my husband and I made love in those pre-MFM days, but I have since discovered that I am joyously multi-orgasmic, and am now enjoying every sexual encounter to the hilt! 

Ah yes, I consider myself to be a very sexy and fortunate woman. But it's not just the orgasms - the big difference is that I feel like a sexual person. I have integrated sexuality into my being instead of having it exist as a disconnected activity that I once just plugged into and out of.  I have discovered that my whole body is an erogenous zone, and I am now much more sensitive to touch, emotion and affection. 

Again, let me say it.  I truly love being female!  I love what my body can do and feel.  I love what my body and sensuality can do to/for other people.  I now define myself as a sexual being, and I have learned that it's not a dirty thing.  It's good, and it is part of my total self. 

Now that I have opened myself to multiple sex partners, I feel much more sensual.  I feel sexier than I did as a younger woman.


Helen in Montana -
During the first twelve years of our marriage, I seldom initiated sex with my husband.  I enjoyed it when he "did" me, but I had few orgasms.  

Then came that fateful night when I got drunk and let my husband and his brother come to bed with me... together.  I was not really conscious of my decision until I realized that I was laying nude between my husband and another male body.  I was facing my husband, and my mind was too fuzzy to remember who the other male body might be.

What had shaken me back to a semblance of reality was the pleasant feeling of a cock slowly sliding in and out of my pussy... from behind... as my husband held me in his arms from in front.  I could not help myself... I found it to be VERY enjoyable.  Then, as I regained more of my senses, I found myself turned-on by the thought of "being taken by a stranger"... with my husband's full awareness.

That thought sent me over the top, and I found myself experiencing one of the most intense orgasms of my life.  As my body trembled in pleasure, I felt the strange cock inside me swell up, press deep, and fill my insides with a hot liquid.  The follow-up orgasm that those sensations produced almost caused me to blackout.

When I regained my composure, I rolled over to see who was there.  I found my brother-in-law grinning back at me.  He and my husband began to laugh at the way my body had betrayed my pleasure, and soon I was laughing with them.

What would have otherwise been quite uncharacteristic of me, as we talked about what we had just done, I found myself reaching out to take both guys' cock in my hands.  We lay on our backs and I just sort of stroked both cocks, mentally comparing the texture of each one.  My brother-in-law's cock was quite a bit fatter than my husband's, and it rippled with veins.

My husband thought the whole experience had been so much fun that he decided to surprise me twice more in the month that followed.  Each time it was a different male friend of his.  I had to admit that I enjoyed both of them, but inside I was remembering the feeling of my brother-in-law's large, heavily-veined cock.

I decided to be assertive.  I told my husband, "No more surprise bed partners until your brother comes back and I get to enjoy him face to face!"  My husband hesitated a bit.  Then he said, "Sure Babe... if that's what you want."  Really starting to take control of our newly opened sex life, I went on to say, "And, I want you to lick and suck on my pussy and get it real wet for him before he does me again.  He can suck on my breasts while you do that.  Then, while he screws me, I want you to play with my breasts, and neck with me until I cum again."

I could not believe what I had said... and neither could he.  But, he said, "OK Babe!"  That Saturday night my brother-in-law came over and my husband handled things just as I had directed.  After I had another mind-blasting orgasm and my brother-in-law had emptied himself inside me, we all rested, and then my husband had me turn over to a "doggie" position, and he screwed me like he never had before.  He came in a torrent.  He drove himself into me so hard that I had the best orgasm I had ever had with my husband.

Before the night was over, I let them both take me again.  What a night.

Since then, I have sort of called the shots.  I tell my husband when I would like him to bring home another "surprise," and when to again invite his brother for a night of reverie.

My husband loves to hold his hand on my mons while I am being filled and pumped by another guy's cock.  He tells me he also really enjoys the feel of "sloppy seconds" when he fucks me after I already have a load of male juice inside me.

In view of my prior passive attitudes toward sex, it is amazing how I have sort of taken control of our shared sexuality.  I let him know what I want, like I never did before.  To be honest, now I find that I really enjoy some variety from time to time.  Both variety in terms of what we do in bed, and a variety of additional partners to share with.

My capacity for sexual pleasure has soared.  I am finding sexual activity to be far more delightful than I had ever expected.  These days I would love to be fucked far more often than my husband wishes to do it.  A few times he has even asked me to invite his brother over during the day while he is at work, so he will know that I am well taken care of before he gets home.

I took him up on it.  Then I asked if he minded if I occasionally meet some of the other guys during the day.  He said, "Go for it."  When he gets home he just asks who I saw.  Sometimes he wants to know all the details... sometimes he doesn't.   When he asks, I tell him everything.  Sometimes I tell him that I haven't douched since the afternoon romp, and ask him if he wants "sloppy seconds."  He nearly always says "Yes," and we run for the bedroom.

Six  months ago one of the guys introduced me to another gal who really enjoys sex.  I invited her for dinner one night, and she and I treated my husband to the kind of doubled-attention I have been getting so often.  He loved it, and she has spent the night with us several times since.  I love to sit on his face and have him lick and suck my pussy while the other gal rides his cock.

I feel like I have taken control of my own sexual fulfillment, and I love it.


Marsha, Southern California -
Yes Joan, I can tell you I really enjoy occasionally screwing somebody besides my husband.  In the beginning of our "opened" marriage I never thought I would.  I had always thought that prior friendship or love were essential before I could enjoy sex with a man.  But I have discovered it doesn't necessarily make any difference.

I don't ever develop feelings of love or emotional ties with the guys I occasionally have.  I love my husband very deeply, and exclusively.  But, even without the love/friendship component, the sex I have with most of these extra guys can still be quite good.  It is often really great sex. 

As a younger woman, I always felt that you only had sex because you loved the person. I have found that just pure sexuality can be very beautiful.  I think that often a purely physical side-relationship can be really good.
 
Pass the word Joan, just like men have done for hundreds of years before we finally got the wisdom to join them... occasional sexual variety can be highly satisfying for women too.  And, when our marital partner agrees to a shared plan of allowing each to occasionally experience such extra partners, it is far better than either party having potentially-disruptive side affairs.  Three cheers for open marriages and occasional threesomes!

