Who Knows! (A twisted tale of creation.) (Fantasy)


This story is totally fictitious and does not resemble anyone or anything in reality, whatever that is.

The first immortal race in this universe was born a few million years after the big bang or they may have even caused the big bang; who knows. For as everyone knows, zero plus zero equals zero, or maybe not. Anyway the intelligent race progressed but as they did they found out they were alone. 

Boring being alone isn't.  Anyway they made a fateful decision or a dumb one, again who knows. They decided to create a bipedal race using part of their own DNA. Blah! Immortal, intelligent and brilliant as they were, they had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

The first thing they created was an egg but alas it did not hatch. Undeterred they refashioned the egg into a creature they called a chicken. But alas the chicken died without the egg.  They went back to the drawing board and discovered in order to have eggs and chickens they needed to make something that would create more chickens. 

They decided to create an offshoot of the chicken and call it a rooster. Now the rooster could mate with the chicken and create more chickens; oops!  Soon they had so many chickens they didn't know what to do.  Back to the drawing board.

They spent many thousands of centuries devising a system of checks and balances but when it was finished they realized that a bipedal race would not be the dominant species. They decided the only way to solve this problem was to give the bipedal creature some amount of intelligence.

They spent many more centuries deciding how much intelligence the bipedal race should have. Finally they decided that the creature should be able to use ten percent of its brain. The next problem they had was the same problem they had with the chickens and the eggs.  

Realizing that they needed two different kinds of bipedal beings they decided to create a male and a female. While the design of the female lagged and lagged they had no problem with the model for the male. 

Finally they decided to test the male model. They believed it could help them design the female model. They made a very secure place in which to test the male model. They set the model down. It took two steps and died, oops!

They quickly realized that in designing their bipedal species they made it too much like their original creation, the chicken. They realized that they would have to design entirely new models not only for their bipedal species, but for all the other plants and animals they were going to create.

Groping in the void it took them millions of centuries before they believed they had a working system of plants and animals. But in order for that system to work it had to take place over millions of years. They called their new process evolution.

Still as they started the process they were not absolutely sure it would lead to an intelligent bipedal species. Millions of years later the process ground to a halt. The most intelligent creature the process of evolution had created was a creature they called an ape.

What they realized was that the ape was not getting enough protein for its brain to grow. They took a small group of apes and fed them, well you know what, chicken. Soon enough the apes' brains grew, but alas not quite enough. 

However they realized that the apes were a species they could work with. They made many changes to the ape male and female, and soon enough they believed they had a new working model. They called their working model humans. 

Once again they decided to test their new model. They took the male and placed him in the same secure place they once used for their failed model. A place they now called a garden. They set the male down and with great joy saw that it actually walked upright. 

However their celebration was short lived for all the male model did was play with his reproductive part. A part they had called a penis, but was now called by the male model a cock. Well you know where he got that from; the rooster, didn't you know.

All the male model did every day was play with his cock, eat chicken, and sleep. This was not going very well. They decided to talk to the male. This was perhaps the biggest mistake they ever made. Well we all know how this is going to turn out, then again, maybe not.  

The male seemed happy without any knowledge  of the beings that were responsible for his evolution. The beings decided to use a sort of spirit form to talk to the male. When the male gazed upon the sort of spirit, he freaked out.  He hid under an apple tree with a bucket of fried chicken and one hand on his cock.   

The sort of spirit spoke softly to the male and for two minutes the male sort of listened. Then he turned away from the sort of spirit to play with his cock and eat the fried chicken. Undeterred the beings decided to talk to the male while he slept.

They made the male sleep for several days while they explained that it was not so good to play with his cock and eat fried chicken at the same time. At first the male refused to listen but when the beings explained that they would give him a better place to put his cock he began to listen.

They told the male they would give him a female, the opposite of him. She would have a vagina which would be a perfect place to put his cock. The male liked the idea and agreed if he could put his cock in the female's vagina he would stop playing with his cock.

The beings placed the female sleeping in the garden. At the same time they woke the male and the female.  The male looked at the female and said, "Yum! Yum! Put cock in vagina."

The female replied, "Give me some chicken." The male politely gave the female the bucket of chicken. She took a few bites of the Yum, Yum chicken then said, "I have a headache, no pussy for you, and I get the bed under the apple tree!"

The female walked away and hid under the apple tree, on the bed eating the fried chicken. This was not going well, but we expected that didn't we; or maybe not. The male was now all alone. He could still play with his cock but without the fried chicken it wouldn't be the same.

The female was happy. On the bed she had discovered her clitoris, so all she did every day, all day was eat fried chicken, and play with her clit. The beings decided to speak with the female. Having learned their lesson with the male they decided to talk to the female while she was sleeping.  

They put both the female and male to sleep. They talked, and talked, and talked to the female. Finally after a few centuries the female agreed to mate with the male. The female and male woke up and both found mating was much more fun than playing with their own sex organs. 

They shared the fried chicken and for a brief time they were happy together, about two minutes that is. The female found new life growing in her body and that made her very happy; but also very sad because she looked so fat and unattractive.

No matter how hard the male tried to convince her otherwise it did not work.  About nine moons later the female pushed the baby out the same hole it got into. As the female pushed the watermelon sized baby out of the hole about the size of an orange, she shouted all sorts of obscenities at the male for putting the baby in her.

But the second the baby popped out the female forgot about all the pain and become the mother of a baby girl.  The male doted on the female child. At first the female thought this was a good thing but quickly changed her mind. 

The female soon began to see the female child as a rival and demanded the male give her another child, and this time it had to be a male. The male did not like this idea. He had two females, why should he have to share them? 

Now all the male and female did was argue all day long and all night long, stopping only to eat the lousy fried chicken. The sort of spirit once again talked to the male and female while they were sleeping. This time the spirit gave the male and female some rules they had to follow.

The rules were easy to follow and there was only one thing the male and female could not do, and that was eat from the fruit of the apple tree, which the sort of spirit now called the tree of knowledge. 

When the male and female woke they followed the rules for about another two minutes. But that was long enough for the female to get pregnant again. Now with one female child and one male child one would think the couple would somehow get along, but that was not to be, or to be, etc; who knows how that one goes. 

One evening while the female was caring for the male child she thought she heard a voice calling from the now forbidden tree. She walked over to the tree and looked at the fruit. This evening the fruit looked very appealing, or maybe she was just tired of eating chicken.

She plucked the fruit and examined its beautiful shape and stunning color. The fruit seemed to sing to her, "Eat me and become like the sort of spirit." 

The sort of spirit the female thought, if she could be like the sort of spirit she could totally control the male. Make him put the toilet seat down and do all the things that needed to be done around the house that he never did, because he always had some lame excuse.

Yes she thought, ruling over the male was a good thing. He would have to do anything she wanted.  She took a single bite of the fruit. Savoring the favor she started to slowly chew the fruit. It was the best tasting thing she ever tasted, and it did not taste like chicken.

When the male saw the female eating fruit from the forbidden tree he yelled at her. The female yelled back. Finally the male shook his fist at the sky and yelled, "Why did you give me this female? She always has a headache and now she has eaten from the forbidden tree."

The female  seeing what the male was doing raised her own fist to the sky and yelled "Why did you give me this male? All he ever thinks about is sex. He never puts the toilet seat down and he smells bad."

On and on the male and female went yelling at the sky. Finally getting no answers the male took the female child and left the garden. The female did the same taking the male child with her. The female also took the chickens. As they both left the garden the gate closed behind them and disappeared, never to be found again.

Then the male dwelt in the land of Nod and the female dwelt in the land of Odd, or was it someplace else, who the heck knows. The male taught the female child what daddies liked. The female child did everything her loving daddy asked. 

She sucked his cock every morning, she let him fuck her every afternoon, and took him up her ass every evening. They were very happy together. Maybe it was because there were no chickens to be found, but everything new they ate tasted somewhat like chicken.

Even when the daddy's daughter got pregnant and gave birth to more girls and boys they were still happy. Daddy taught all his new daughters how to take care of him and all his new sons. They became one big happy fucking family, doing it every morning, noon, night, and just about any other time of day.

However the land they lived on suffered from total neglect, but they did find a huge flock of; no not chickens, but  sheep. Wool for chilly days, bed covers, and many other things. Mutton, lamb, even haggis to eat, yummy. Much better than chicken don't you think, but then again who knows. They found some stray wolves to watch over the sheep, after training them not to eat the sheep raw. 

The wolves made great sheep dogs guarding the flocks of sheep against other wolves, and they got to eat some of the sheep, cooked of course. When the wolves weren't guarding the sheep they were being scratched behind the ears and lazily lying by a warm fire. Of course they were no longer wolves, they were now domesticated sheep dogs. But who wants to be a wolf when you can chase your sheep and eat them too. The daddy clan, although they had to move whenever the garbage piled up too high, was happy.

As for the mommy clan, well the males were very frustrated; of course you know why, it was from lack of sex, and being generally told what to do and when to do it. Sex was only for procreation and it was the only time males could have sex with females.

The same was not true for the females because they had discovered pussy eating and who knows a pussy better than another female, only a gynecologist, but they weren't around just yet. The females would eat pussy with breakfast, pussy with lunch, pussy with dinner, and just about any other time of day.

The males were relegated to plowing the fields, tending the flocks of chickens, doing all the work, and generally kissing the females' fat butts. However the land they lived on was in pristine condition. With all work and little sex the males became very grumpy and war like. They were also fed up with eating so much chicken. That could not be good.

The immortal beings that created the haphazard humans were totally frustrated. They were now beginning to realize the grave consequences of what they had done.  They now had two groups of humans with totally different cultures. There was even the threat of war between the two clans. 

The immortal beings did not understand why one group of humans would want to kill another group of humans over some silly ideological differences. At first they thought about doing away with all the humans in a giant flood. But they quickly realized that would not work. 

The humans now had ships that could sail on water and some of them would survive a giant flood. The next thought was to destroy the world the humans lived on by fire, but that would be a waste of a perfectly good planet. The last thing they thought of was a long ice age but some humans would survive that too. 

Although the humans they created had a limited life span they were very resilient. The immortals did take solace in the fact that they had designed a working bipedal species. But the humans had too many flaws. They wondered if they could correct the flaws but they realized if they did, the species would no longer be human.  

Glumly they realized they were stuck with the imperfect humans they sort of created. Much thought was given as to how to solve the human problem. The best or worst idea they had was to send a messenger to the humans.

The messenger would give the humans laws to follow. They decided on three laws. Law one: love one another. Law two: don't kill each other. Law three: don't steal. The messenger was well received and well feared.

Out of fear or the reward of a paradise after life the humans obeyed the laws for, yes you guessed it, about two minutes. The mommy clan thought three laws were just not enough so they added many, many more laws.

The daddy clan also did not think three laws were enough so they also wrote many, many more laws. Each side's laws were directed against the other side, but the new laws were so complex no one knew which side of the law to follow.  

Things were getting so confusing that people from the mommy clan and daddy clan left to make their own clans and of course to write their own laws. With so many people leaving the mommy clan and daddy clan, neither side had enough people to wage war.

Soon the world the humans lived on had dozens of different clans speaking different languages, and due to the environment some even had different skin color and facial features, but they were all still human. 

Each clan had their own laws and different beliefs about the messenger. Some clans even killed in the name of the messenger saying their ideas and beliefs were from the one true messenger. Things on the world the humans lived on were worse than they had ever been. 

Seeing the experiment as a total failure the sort of creators decided to take a nap. Perhaps in a few thousand centuries humans could work out things for themselves, or maybe not, who knows. 

Now perhaps we also know why everything tastes like chicken, or maybe not. Again and for the last time, who knows!

