READERS THEATER REVIVAL

   A spoken drama for one male and three female voices

Holly Rennick, playwright

Cindi Barton, director

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Yeow!  My original “Readers Theater” spoke of Broadway ambition too early.  Maybe the stage isn't my venue, but here’s a rewrite aiming for a first run in Wichita.

If you're not familiar with the Readers Theater genre, think of an old-fashioned radio drama with the performers gathered around a big clunky microphone.  It's all in the reading.  Your living room is likely your stage, but do pretend that an audience is listening.

Let attire and props enhance your verbal delivery.  This script has several references to a hairbrush, for example.  Find one, use it accordingly and your lines will work better.  Same goes for a sofa.

Let's suppose your part is that of Zak whom you envision to be one of those teenagers who wear backwards baseball hats (an anti-establishment manifestation, along with the $100 sneakers, I believe).  Wear a bill cap backwards yourself.  If the other readers can't keep a straight face, what do you care?  You're a teenage guy.

They say that what's left out of the musical score gives a Broadway tune its brilliance.  Verbal pauses let the audience imagine the action.  What nonverbal cues might suggest the activity?  It’s okay to actually kiss your Readers Theater lover because you’re just acting.  Make it slurpy.  Sound effects and performance-enhancing readers’ positioning are suggested in brackets.  Add more, based on your experience.

This script needs four characters:

   Two female schoolteachers in their late 20's: HOLLY RENNICK and CINDI BARTON.

   Two teenagers: ZAK and his SISTER.

The script incorporates quotations copied from the Internet at the time of writing.  URLs are footnoted.  To update dead web links, Google for current postings.  Or just kick back and read what I cited.

*** SCENE 1 ***

[Having no role in this scene, CINDI and HOLLY should be offstage (i.e., out of the living room) to avoid inhibiting ZAK and SISTER's dramatic spontaneity.  Background TV.  SISTER and ZAK use younger voices.]

SISTER:   Hey Zak, this show's boring.  Let's do something besides TV.

ZAK:   Like what?

SISTER:   I don't know.  Chinese checkers?  I'll make some goofs to help you.

ZAK:   Your goofs aren’t on purpose.  You just don’t want to admit that I can beat you even if you’re older.

SISTER:   Or how about Alien Investigators?

ZAK:   Is that a game?

SISTER:   Sorta.  One of us is the Alien Investigator and the other gets to be the Earthling.  It’s fun.

ZAK:   Okay, I guess.

SISTER:   Let's play upstairs.  Come on!

ZAK:   Do we fight enemy aliens or anything?

[TV clicks off.  Stair steps.  Door opening.  Door closing.  Door locking.  ZAK should now read his part while lying on his back.  SISTER should read her part seated at ZAK’s side.]

SISTER:   [Whispered]  I’ll be the Alien Investigator for starts.

ZAK:   I don't even know how to play.  How come you’re whispering?

SISTER:   So the Klonons can’t hear.  Also so Mom can't.  You're the Earthling.  I'm from Zenafu.  Let me get my stuff.

[Footsteps leaving.  Footsteps returning.  Small items dumped onto dresser]

SISTER:   Okay, earthling.  This is a mind control zapper.  If I zap you, you have to do what I say.

ZAK:   It's your hairbrush, but we're pretending, right?

SISTER:   Right.  Zap.  Double Zap.

ZAK:   Oh, oooh.  I'm dead!

SISTER:   No, idiot, you're just stunned.  I have to investigate you.

ZAK:   Okay.

SISTER:   First I need to read your mind with my Space X-Ray.

ZAK:   Space X-Ray?

SISTER:   Use your imagination.  Your name is Zak and you live on South Jefferson and you have one sister.

ZAK:   You already knew that.

SISTER:   No I don't, because I’m an alien.  Now I have to look inside your body, Earthling.  Let me aim.  That's your Earthling heart.  I see that you breathe air.  It appears that you eat Skittles.

ZAK:   Don't poke so hard.

SISTER:   Okay.  Now take off your shirt for body testing.  Good.  As we suspected, your body lacks armor against Martian guns.  I'll now test your temperature by total measurement.  Lie on the spaceship table for Test 234.

ZAK:   On top of the covers?

SISTER:   Shoes off.

[Two thumps.  Mattress creak]

ZAK:   Hey, you can't do that!

SISTER:   Yes I can because I applied mind control already.  Your stomach can't feel anything.

ZAK:   Well not so low, then.

SISTER:   Quitter!

ZAK:   I'm not!

SISTER:   So let me do the Alien test on your legs.

ZAK:   Not so high.

SISTER:   It's 753.  Normal.  You've got a bump.

ZAK:   A what?

SISTER:   A bump, right here in the middle.  It part of the Alien Investigation, to see if you have any bumps.

ZAK:   Well, leave it alone!

SISTER:   I have to test it to make sure you didn't sneak a secret laser weapon onto my spaceship.  I'll just check it with a few slides of my Xerob Defractor.

ZAK:   No fair, that's your hand!  Don’t tickle it!

SISTER:   See?  It's an expandable secret ray gun.  You're an enemy spy.  I have to torture you.

ZAK:   Let's not play this game.

SISTER:   Lie back down.  Should I rub faster, Earthling?

[Fabric stroked]

ZAK:   I can’t talk because I’m zapped.

SISTER:   I need to finish my Alien Investigation to do my report to the Supreme Space Commander.

[Zipper]

ZAK:   Hey don’t!

SISTER:   How interesting.  Earthlings wear clothes inside of clothes.  Come on!  We used to take baths together.  Lift up.

[Sliding fabric]

SISTER:   That's better.  Oh, my!  What’s this?

ZAK:   It’s not my fault.

SISTER:   It wouldn't do that if you didn't like getting investigated.  You got a really good space weapon, Earthling.

ZAK:   You don't have to stop testing if you don't want to.

[Rhythmic sounds]

SISTER:   You gotta say, “Please Space Princess,” if you want to touch my zeemom while I investigate.

ZAK:   Please Space Princess.

[Rustling sounds.  Gasp from ZAK]

SISTER:   Wow!  Rocket Fuel!  Your Alien Investigation score is 39.  No, I mean 139, which means that you can be a Rocket Ranger.

*** SCENE 2 ***

[Background of muted conversations, chairs pushed back, silverware, class bells]

CINDI:   Morning, Holly.  Was third period about three hours long today?  I could smell the coffee all the way from my classroom.

HOLLY:   Morning, Cindi.  I could smell your students’ Bunsen burners from mine.

CINDI:   Different chemicals on filter paper burn with different colors.  Fortunately the fire alarm is broken.

HOLLY:   You look pensive.

CINDI:   No way!  I lost three pounds.

HOLLY:   It means that you look like you’re thinking.

CINDI:   I suppose.  Ever have Zak Gaston as a student?

HOLLY:   For English.  He gave me the old double barrel brush-by once in the doorway, but nothing out of the ordinary.  You got him for Science?

CINDI:   He's thinking human anatomy when I lean over his desk, shall we say.

HOLLY:   With your loose neckline?

CINDI:   Whatever.  He tries to cover his lap.  Lots of our students have had sex, you know.

HOLLY:   Life's not fair.

CINDI:   Hang in there, Holly.

HOLLY:   So what about Zak?

CINDI:   Well, there’s a story about Zak and his sister.  Maybe you had her a few years ago.  Black bras.  When their folks are out, they watch videos.  Ever see Undercover Agent Uncovered?

HOLLY:   Ever see Les Miserables?

CINDI:   Okay, okay.  I'll spend the big bucks and go with you.  Dressing up will be fun, but you have to translate.

HOLLY:   I already told you it's in English.  I'll buy you a latte at intermission.  It's really romantic, as opposed to Undercover Agent Uncovered, I expect.

CINDI:   A different kind of romance.

HOLLY:   So what about Zak and his sister?

CINDI:   During the video, she sits in his lap.  To get more comfy, she'll move his arms around her stomach.  Or she'll tug her neckline out enough for him look right over her shoulder.  She looks too.  She says things about the video like, "I'll bet she never tells."

HOLLY:   His sister says that?

CINDI:   Siblings discuss things.  He's just a guy.  When he touches her tit, she kind of raises her arm before trying to escape.  She promises that she can’t feel how he gets since they’re both wearing jeans.

HOLLY:   Just a matter of time and a six-fingered baby.  So how come you know all this?

CINDI:   This teacher can tell which boys like her, so she got Zak to help in her book closet and had him steady her on the stool.  You know, from behind, hands on her ribs.  When she leaned too far forward and he reached around her stomach, she said, “You have such nice hands, Zak.”  He went under her sweater while she rearranged the top shelf.  It was her cashmere sweater, the one from Costco.  She just had on her camisole, the one from Barenecessities, so he didn’t have to deal with fasteners or anything.  Pretty straightforward, don't you think?

HOLLY:   Pretty straight, you mean?  Did this teacher check him out?

CINDI:   Just with her butt.  "Wow!  You’re really grown up!"  That type of line.  It’s really stupid to actually do it in the book closet.  They made a plan for that Saturday, her place.  They're still getting together.  She lets him brush her hair afterwards.

HOLLY:   As I said, life's not fair.

CINDI:   Is "seduced" the right word if he agreed?  Kids need to talk to someone and this teacher has an interest in sibling relationships.  Sex can be complicated, right?

HOLLY:   It's good we agree on at least one thing or we couldn't be friends.  I think it’s less complicated if you’re doing it regularly.

CINDI:   We also agree that brushing your hair keeps it thick.  Lend me your brush while we're sitting here.

HOLLY:   I think this is how I get lice.

CINDI:   Very funny.  Thanks.  Anyway, Zak told this teacher about his sister.  Would you leave your door open a crack at bedtime, get almost naked, hop under the sheet and play with yourself, him still peeking in?  That inbreeding thing's exaggerated, but even still, she shouldn’t get pregnant.

HOLLY:   That's three agreements.

CINDI:   That's why we're best friends.

[Quick kiss and giggle]

HOLLY:   Not that kind of friends!

CINDI:   Okay, but I made you blush, right?  How'd we get on this?  Oh, yes.  Zak didn’t want his sister thinking of him as a little kid so this teacher's got him up to speed.

HOLLY:   For educational use only, as we say.

CINDI:   So he needed a plan to lay his sister.  No problem, says this teacher.  It's video night, folks out to a Joan Baez concert.  Heard of her?  They have a sofa like the one in your place.  Scotchguard Stain Resistant.

HOLLY:   We'll make it Scene 3 in my Readers Theater.

CINDI:   What Readers Theater?

HOLLY:   The one we’re doing, girl.

CINDI:   Okay.  By Cindi Barton, playwright.

HOLLY:   No way!  I’m the playwright.  You can do the lighting.

CINDI:   Lighting for a Readers Theater?  How about making me the director?  We could maybe go back to Scene 1 and have them abducted in a UFO and forced to populate Planet Zenafu.

HOLLY:   I don’t write science fiction.  Tell me how the sofa scene works out.

*** SCENE 3 ***

[SISTER seated in ZAK's lap for better spoken delivery.  ZAK might brush SISTER's hair to enhance performance ambiance.  CINDI provides background video sounds of a woman engaged in sex.  HOLLY understudies the sound effects.]

SISTER:   Jeeze.  That was some video.

[CINDI and HOLLY should now move offstage, the reason previously given.]

ZAK:   Think what they did was, you know, for real?

SISTER:   It would be hard for the guy not to show his..., you know, if it weren't, you know, inside her.

ZAK:   I don't think it usually lasts that long, actually.

SISTER:   They had to get a whole feature out of it, I guess.  It probably helps if the girl knows the guy really well.

ZAK:   Maybe that's the problem with Lara.  She doesn’t know me that well.

SISTER:   Not like I do.  I can hear you in your room after you go to bed.  What are you doing for your Lara?  Show me.

ZAK:   No way!

SISTER:   We’re at the movies, back row.  Now what, Zak-boy?

[Caresses and breathing]

SISTER:   We're actually just fooling around on the sofa, me pretending to be Lara, right?  Does your Lara fall for the way your hand's accidentally on me?

ZAK:   Your nipple's hard.

SISTER:   That’s why I don’t wear padded bras, so guys can tell when I read a speech in speech class.  Anyway, it's not like you haven't felt me a million times when really you’re my brother.

[Garment sounds]

SISTER:   I didn’t say pull down my straps.

ZAK:   Remember how we used to play Alien Investigator when the folks were away?

SISTER:   Okay, if you're nice to them.  You gotta take your shirt off too.

ZAK:   How about your jeans?  [Zipper]  Raise your butt.

SISTER:   Let me think.

ZAK:   You think while I pull.

SISTER:   Your jeans then, too.  [Another zipper]  And don't mess with my panties.  [The snap of elastic]  Oh, Zak, you're such a perv.

ZAK:   Butt up!

SISTER:   Don't pop out your eyes.

ZAK:   Can I touch?  Just my finger.

SISTER:   Gotta stop when I say, though.

[Exploratory sounds of giggles and gasps]

ZAK:   It doesn't hurt or anything?

SISTER:   Nope.

ZAK:   Here, even?

SISTER:   There, even. 

ZAK:   Bet I can make you come.  Lean back more.

SISTER:   Has to be even-steven.  Pull down your boxers so I get to watch the Rocket Fuel, okay?

[Pumping sounds]

SISTER:   So rub my front with it while it happens, little virgin boy.

ZAK:   I’m not a virgin.

SISTER:   You said that Lara doesn’t put out.

ZAK:   I got a girlfriend older than you!

SISTER:   You do?  Then down here.

[Rustling and positioning]

SISTER:   I’m already ready.  We can just do it part way.

ZAK:   Just part way?

SISTER:   Until you get it in all the way.

[Initial sounds of boy above girl]

SISTER:   Wait.  I got a better idea.

ZAK:   Than doing it?

SISTER:   No.  You sit regular on the sofa with me facing you.

ZAK:   Shoot!  I was just going to come.

SISTER:   That’s another reason mine is a better idea.

[Sounds of repositioning]

SISTER:   See?  Now we can hold our Readers Theater scripts behind each other’s head.

[Initial sounds of girl above boy]

ZAK:   [Surprised]  Hey!  Who turned off the lights?  I gota see my script.

SISTER:   Ms. Barton’s in charge of lighting and says we should be in the dark for what we’re acting.

ZAK:   Acting?  I’m coming!

SISTER:   That’s why the school nurse gives us girls the pill.  Quit yacking and finish this scene so I can come, too, Zak-boy.

[Intermediate sounds of girl above boy]

SISTER:   Way to go, little brother!

[Final sounds of girl above boy]

SISTER:   Look at all that!  I’m glad that this is Ms. Rennick’s sofa, not ours.

*** SCENE 4 ***

[Background of muted conversations, chairs pushed back, silverware, class bells]

HOLLY:   Coffee break’s almost over.  Where’ve you been?

CINDI:   Somebody reported the smoke from chem lab yesterday and the Fire Marshal’s fiddling with the alarm.  How am I supposed to run a lab if nothing can happen?

HOLLY:   Like how am I supposed to teach English if we don’t read literature where something happens?

CINDI:   You had them read that Shakespeare poem.  That’s something happening.

HOLLY:   "The Rape of Lucrece" derives from Ovid's story about a Roman matron.  It’s not modern.

CINDI:   Tell that to Lucrece.

HOLLY:   Anyway, back to that last Readers Theater sex scene where Zak does it with his sister on the sofa?  Formula fiction.  Usually the author adds some oral sex to make it longer.

CINDI:   That's how it’s supposed to happen: two kids just messing around for starts.  When they discuss it afterwards, it’s not even clear who first had the idea.  Discussing it makes them do it again and so on.  Got an herbal tea in your purse?

HOLLY:   Dandelion Sunshine.

CINDI:   Oh, for a real java.  Back to your Readers Theater.  How 'bout having Zak brush her hair from behind.  She takes over combing while he feels her up.  The Readers Theater audience hears the hairbrush drop.

HOLLY:   “Knife-edge suspense,” the reviewers will say.  Keep going.

CINDI:   He slides his fingers down her stomach and she settles in his lap so it's easier for his hand to get lower.  She'll work his fingers to undo her belt.  Then she’ll show him how to...

HOLLY:   Are we talking about spoken lines?

CINDI:   An act about the act, get it?  The performers actually orgasm for realistic Readers Theater sound effects.  Why simulate it in performance when the readers will do it during intermission on the same sofa?

HOLLY:   I noticed afterwards.  But they have to hold back for a while for Readers Theater.  We want the audience’s hands pressing their laps.

CINDI:   Little pinkie flicking back and forth, right?  Okay, then a pizza delivery girl could show up.  I have a Domino’s hat so they wouldn’t think of me as a teacher.

HOLLY:   The thing is, Cindi, most sibling sex stories start with teaching each other how to make out on the sofa.  The pizza delivery girl is another chapter.  Too boring.

CINDI:   You want disturbing drama because theatergoers like to feel upset?  Then add some forcefulness.

HOLLY:   Too chauvinist.

CINDI:   Not that way.  More feminist.  The Internet tells how to make a male involuntarily erect by tickling his prostate.  It’s how Myra Breckenridge used her strap-on in the movie to make the good-looking guy orgasm after she tied him up.  The poor slob had more sex with his girlfriend afterwards because he was worried about his manhood, so it worked out great.  Myra was Myron before her operation, so she had experience without the strap-on.

HOLLY:   The author of the Myra Breckenridge novel, Gore Vidal, knew about backdoor entries.

CINDI:   They made a book from the movie?  The Internet says to reach in an inch and find a bulb of tissue.  Then do a come-here motion with your fingertip.  That’s what it says, anyway.

HOLLY:   Maybe Zak’s sister saw how Raquel Welch did it in the movie.

CINDI:   His sister wears a strap-on?

HOLLY:   No, she has her hairbrush.

*** SCENE 5 ***

[ZAK reclining.  SISTER sitting beside]

SISTER:   So how's life in bed when you should be helping rake the leaves?

ZAK:   How about bringing me more 7-Up.

SISTER:   You break your arms falling out of a tree like an idiot and I have to get your pop?

ZAK:   Come on.

SISTER:   Okay.  I'm not helping you pee, though.  Or you-know-what.  You just have to suffer.

ZAK:   Just get my 7-Up, okay?

SISTER:   Want me to comb your hair?  I brought my hairbrush.  Not your top hair, though.  Don't bother to sit up.

ZAK:   Stop it.

SISTER:   There.  Want your 7-Up first?  I'll hold the straw in your mouth.

ZAK:   What are you doing with that hairbrush?

SISTER:   Zak?

ZAK:   What?

SISTER:   Isn't this Readers Theater a little weird?  Me making you hard by tickling up your butt with this thing?  Isn’t Raquel Welch dead?

ZAK:   Does the script say I’m supposed to bend over this sofa?

SISTER:   Forget it.  You’re my little brother and I’ll kill anybody who tries to do something like that to you.  This is Ms. Rennick’s first Readers Theater.

ZAK:   I think Ms. Barton knows more about making guys hard.

SISTER:   You think it will work, this hairbrush?

ZAK:   I didn't actually read ahead.

SISTER:   If I want it to get hard, all I do is unbutton my blouse, right?  I don’t mess around with your butt.  See?

ZAK:   The teachers are going to catch us if we get started.

SISTER:   Tonight, then, our place.  But that won’t work for Readers Theater because we have to stay quiet with the folks downstairs.

*** SCENE 6 ***

[Background of muted conversations, chairs pushed back, silverware, class bells]

HOLLY:   Where'd they get this coffee?  It's totally tasteless.

CINDI:   The NEA newsletter says that we stand in solidarity with the worker co-ops where they grow it.

HOLLY:   Give me multinational anytime.

CINDI:   So I'm thinking.

HOLLY:   About Guatemala?

CINDI:   No, about the last Readers Theater scene.  The kids said that it fizzled because her making him have sex was like making water flow downhill.  He was already up before she produced the hairbrush.  Noisy, but not dramatic.  So maybe write it about him making her and then about her guilt.  Psychological.

HOLLY:   Excuse me?

CINDI:   The Internet says that if a girl climaxes when she doesn’t want to, it's not her fault.  I’ve got it on a printout.

HOLLY:   You sure surf a lot.

CINDI:   Some of the sites are from government agencies.  And there are these chat sites where girls ask each other things about being raped.  One asks if she’d done something wrong because she came and the others assure her it was just an involuntary physiological reaction.  Like tickling, sort of.  I read this story where these girls at summer camp use a hairbrush to make the new girl come.

HOLLY:   That would be tough to describe in Readers Theater, but it might come across if the new girl were very verbal.

CINDI:   The story’s called Camp Brushmore.  Get it?  The new girl orgasmed so well that they voted her Cabin Captain.

HOLLY:   Okay, but we’ll give her a guilt trip because she’d been saving herself for her brother who’s at the next camp.  Some soliloquies, maybe.

CINDI:   Is “soliloquy” a better way to masturbate?

HOLLY:   More what you say while you do, I guess.

CINDI:   Okay.  But Zak has to be in the story, too.  They each canoe to this middle island and he can say something like, “Look, sister.  I’m opening my black trench coat.”  Since it’s Readers Theater, he should say the color.  She’ll say, “Oh, it’s so scary, but I don’t want to climax.”  You get my idea.

HOLLY:   Why’s he canoeing in a trench coat?

*** SCENE 7 ***

ZAK:   I can’t believe this Readers Theater script!  A guy doesn’t rape his sister!

SISTER:   Why would I fight back, other than to make you work for it a little?

ZAK:   Then how come you pinch sometimes?

SISTER:   ‘Cause you’re a pain.  Just on your arm.  I never knee you or anything.  It takes cooperation, right?  Plus lots of familiarity.  Plus some get-ready footsie under the dinner table.

ZAK:   That wasn’t get-ready footsie.  Your toes made me come while Mom was cooking the vegetables and Dad was reading the paper.

SISTER:   Well you were looking at my boobs when you rocket fueled in your pants.

ZAK:   ‘Cause you were holding your shirt open.

SISTER:   To make you come under the table so I could watch your face.

ZAK:   It’s not fair.  Your legs are longer.

SISTER:   But look at this Readers Theater script they gave us!  No way that Ms. Rennick wrote for me to say, “Oh no!  It’s flushed red with erection!”  She’s an English teacher.  It was Ms. Barton.

ZAK:   And I’m supposed to say, “Now I’ll rip open your blouse to expose your auburn areola.”  What’s an areola?

SISTER:   This part here.

ZAK:   Your moons?

SISTER:   Let's sort this dramatic improbability out with those two teachers right now.  Ms. Rennick, Ms. Barton, please report to the Readers Theater stage immediately!

[Offstage muttering.  Entering footsteps]

HOLLY:   What's the deal?  Zak’s supposed to be making you involuntarily orgasm while Ms. Barton and I drink coffee.

SISTER:   Your script, not ours.  You forgot that I’m older than he is.  If it was involuntary, I wouldn’t leave my door unlocked.

HOLLY:   Drama needs tension.  You can't just hop into bed.

ZAK:   We know some different positions.

SISTER:   And Ms. Barton.  You're the one that taught Zak here, right?

ZAK:   I didn't tell, Ms. Barton.  Really!

SISTER:   Like you think girl students have our eyes closed when you have them help you in your book closet?  Shall I name some others boys?

CINDI:   Really, they were all ready for it.  It's not like...

SISTER:   We know.  If you'd messed with boys who weren't, we'd tell the principal.

CINDI:   Oh.

SISTER:   Shoot, Ms. Barton.  You're one of our favorite teachers, even if you teach science.  We're not going to wreck your dating.  We like them already knowing about our special spots.

ZAK:   Ms. Barton, I really didn't tell.

SISTER:   Zak-boy, that's why we like to sleep with you.  You don’t tell.  Right, Ms. Barton?

CINDI:   I guess.  Give me feedback if you want them to know more.

SISTER:   Cunnilingus, for a start.  So Ms. Rennick, you're not as experienced as Ms. Barton, correct?

HOLLY:   Of course not.

SISTER:   Maybe a little more discriminating.  You did get one scene somewhat close in this Readers Theater, however.

HOLLY:   I did?

SISTER:   Alien Investigator.  Actually, I taught him to play Frozen Cavechild where one of us got frozen in the Ice Age and the other one finds the body a million years later.  If the frozen one moves, they lose.  It’s okay to move, though, to get something off.  Or at the end, you know, when you can’t help it.

HOLLY:   I had this dark drama in mind.  What do I do with this Readers Theater if you won’t rape each other?

ZAK:   Ms. Barton could change her part to be a cheerleader who gets shipwrecked on a lonely beach and I could be a fisherman.

CINDI:   Maybe I should make some Folgers Instant.  Anybody want whitener?

SISTER:   Maybe I could be a forest ranger in a lookout tower and you two teachers could be escaped convicts from the Woman's Prison where, you know, you learned about hairbrushing other prisoners.

HOLLY:   Readers Theater can’t compete with the Vagina Monologues.

ZAK:   Maybe I can be a Boy Scout who comes to the lookout tower and the three of you catch me.  You’ll tell me there’s this merit badge for...

HOLLY:   Fun plot, but that one’s already on the Internet.

CINDI:   You guys mind Styrofoam cups?

ZAK:   Maybe I could be a football player and catch you one by one, say walking down dark alleys.  Three touchdowns!

HOLLY:   Veto.

SISTER:   You ever date a football player, Ms. Rennick?  It’s how they are.

HOLLY:   I had a date with a boy on the chess team.

SISTER:   Want to really challenge your Readers Theater audience?  You announce “intercourse” in American Sign Language.  Make Vs with the first two fingers of each hand and bounce one over the other.  Then Zak and I will do it totally silently, how we do it when we’re not sure if the folks are asleep yet.

HOLLY:   I guess my Readers Theater idea isn't so hot.

SISTER:   So then here's what you need to add, Ms. Rennick.

HOLLY:   What?

SISTER:   A scene for Zak-boy here to play himself.

HOLLY:   Like a Readers Theater about a Readers Theater?

SISTER:   Sorta.  Zak, why don’t you give Ms. Rennick a little backrub.  She’s had a long day.

HOLLY:   I’m fine.

SISTER:   It’ll help Zak-boy figure out your bra.  So Zak, Ms. Barton and I will take a coffee break while you read a new scene with Ms. Rennick.  We’ll lengthen the subtitle to "a spoken drama for one male and three female voices with theatrical climax."  Give her some lines to recite while you figure out how to make it happen.

CINDI:   Shall we take our coffee out to the porch and talk about boys?  We probably have some common friends.

*** SCENE 10***

[As earlier scenes excused CINDI and HOLLY from the stage, this scene excuses CINDI and SISTER.]

ZAK:   Have you written this Readers Theater scene?

HOLLY:   Not yet, so we’ll just have to ad lib from Ms. Barton’s Internet printout.  The setting’s in the faculty lounge.

ZAK:   Sorry, the faculty lounge is off limits to students.  We’re in the woods.  Listen!  Wind in the leaves.  [ZAK’s attempted sound effect of wind in the leaves]  Read this.  It’s from some psychology journal about a rape experiment.

HOLLY:   A rape experiment?  Well, it’s in an academic journal.

       “In the second experiment, it was shown that portraying the rape victim as experiencing an involuntary orgasm disinhibited subjects' sexual responsiveness and resulted in levels of arousal comparable to those elicited by depictions of mutually consenting sex.”(1)

ZAK:   You want a Readers Theater hit?  Making a schoolteacher involuntary climax on her own sofa would sell, right?

HOLLY:   I suppose.  So why's that hairbrush pointing at me?

ZAK:   It's my handgun.

HOLLY:   It is not.

ZAK:   The Readers Theater audience doesn’t know it’s a hairbrush.  Just read the printout or I’ll shoot.

HOLLY:   Okay.  Here's what Darwinian psychologists say.

       "Human rape victims rarely show much sexual arousal and almost never achieve orgasm.  It is conceivable that some aspects of women's capacity for orgasm evolved in the context of reducing the fertilizing capacity of rapists' ejaculates.  That is, the absence of orgasm during rape may be an evolved response to rape."(2)

ZAK:   Ms. Barton says that Darwin’s out to lunch about the absence of orgasm.  That's why I brought you out here in the deep, dark woods, to check it out.  Read a couple of the discussions.

HOLLY:   "My wife was raped when she was only 14 years old and she too had an orgasm unwillingly.  Now, years later, she even masturbates while thinking back on the experience.”

       “The most intense orgasm I've ever experienced in my life is while being raped.  After they were done the guy behind me masturbated me to orgasm."(3)

ZAK:   Teachers masturbate, right?

HOLLY:   None of your business.

ZAK:   I could masturbate you first.  I know how.

HOLLY:   It’s just some discussion group.

ZAK:   Keep reading.  I'm aiming this gun at your heart.

HOLLY:   It’s not the hairbrush and you’re not aiming.  It’s your hand and you’re touching.  Anyway, here’s what it says.

       "Orgasm is at its most basic level just a physical response to stimulation—you could almost equate it with feeling an itchy sensation after being stimulated by a mosquito bite.  When you're raped, you're terrified and nervous and scared—and release chemicals (such as adrenaline) that have the effect of enhancing your senses and quickening your response."(4)

ZAK:   Like your heartbeat here.  Your trying to wiggle away is pretty realistic.  Keep reading what it says about physical stimulation.  You'll agree pretty soon.

HOLLY:   "Your body experienced a physiological reaction in response to the physical stimulation it received.  There is no reason to consider that your body betrayed you that evening."(5)

ZAK:   Don’t worry, Ms Rennick.  It’s not betrayal.  Remember in English when you read us the long thing by Shakespeare about what-her-name?

HOLLY:   The Rape of Lucrece.  It’s a narrative poem.  I just recited a few lines, as the whole thing is too depressing.

ZAK:   Tell me some of it again.

HOLLY:   Okay.

       “Her breasts, like ivory globes circled with blue, 

       A pair of maiden worlds unconquered.”

       “‘Lucrece,’ quoth he, ‘this night I must enjoy thee. 

       If thou deny, then force must work my way.”

       “But if thou yield, I rest thy secret friend, 

       The fault unknown is as a thought unacted, 

       A little harm done to a great good end.”

       “The flesh being proud, Desire doth fight with Grace, 

       For there it revels, and when that decays 

       The guilty rebel for remission prays.”

ZAK:   You sorta got into it, right?

HOLLY:   Shakespeare redefined English literature through his...

ZAK:   I mean we could see your nipples from the back of the class.

HOLLY:   You could?  Maybe it’s like a murder in Macbeth.  You don’t have to agree with homicide to feel how Shakespeare wrote it.

ZAK:   Imagining your ivory globes made me about come in my pants.  Remember what happened afterwards?

HOLLY:   Was that when you stumbled into me at the doorway?

ZAK:   I didn’t know how else to cop a feel.  So where are we in the Readers Theater script?

HOLLY:   We’re in my living room and you’re fondling me and Ms. Barton and your sister are drinking coffee on the porch.

ZAK:   Wrong.  We're in the woods.  There’s moss on the ground.

HOLLY:   Okay, in the woods.  Stop touching me like that!  It’s suggestive.  What will the audience think?

ZAK:   This is Readers Theater, remember?  They won’t know your nipples are showing if you don’t announce it.  Here, you kneel in font of your sofa and I’ll get behind you, reaching around.  It will sound like I’ve got you down on the ground.

HOLLY:   Like this?

ZAK:   Lift up your arms a little while I undo your buttons.

HOLLY:   You see women in their bras in newspaper ads, so I guess it’s okay.

ZAK:   Read some more.  You'll appreciate the rubbing reference.

HOLLY:   "An orgasm is an involuntary reflex; it is a reaction of your body over which you have no control.  Male or female, if anyone rubs you in the right way in the right place, you will have an orgasm whether you want to or not."(6)

ZAK:   You got four hooks on this strap!  Ms. Barton and my sister just have two on theirs.

HOLLY:   I’m more developed.  I'll yell if you undo them.

ZAK:   We're in the deep, dark woods where nobody can hear you, remember?

HOLLY:   Oh.

ZAK:   Wow!  Don’t worry, the audience can’t see.

HOLLY:   I’m that way because it’s cold.

ZAK:   And here's something religious for you to read while I get your skirt up.

HOLLY:   I don’t even go to church, but I’ll read it anyway.

       "There is no need to be ashamed if you have an orgasm during the rape.  If someone hits you it hurts because that is the way God made your body to work.  Sex is the same way.  It is just the way God made your body to work."(7)

ZAK:   Me Adam.  You Eve.

HOLLY:   I’m not putting that lame line in my Readers Theater.  Shouldn’t you just take my skirt off?  If the audience could see, it would look really unbecoming, all scrunched up around my waist.

ZAK:   I guess so.  You’ll have to quit fighting while I find the buttons.

HOLLY:   In the back.  Yeah, there.

ZAK:   Read another quote while you say bye-bye to your panties.  The more you struggle, the better you'll come.

HOLLY:   I’d be naked then!

ZAK:   The Readers Theater audience just has its imagination.  Quit trying to escape or you’ll ruin the dialog.  I was right; I always thought you were a natural blond.

HOLLY:   Scandinavian.  Where’s the printout?  It’s pretty hard to concentrate.  You’re making this really realistic.

       "Arousal may be, in Finkelhor and Yllo's words, a practical adjustment to a painful situation."(8)

ZAK:   Making any practical adjustments?

HOLLY:   Just a little bit, maybe.  Here’s the next quotation.  I skimmed ahead, in case you’re looking for ideas.  Listen.

       "Masturbation and orgasm are the two great unspoken secrets of rape."(9)

ZAK:   So you’ll keep it a secret?

HOLLY:   That’s what it says.  So you’re going to pretend to masturbate me now?

ZAK:   Maybe something better.

HOLLY:   I know how to fake an orgasm.

ZAK:   Maybe something still better.

[Zipper]

HOLLY:   It doesn't say to take off your pants.  [Sound of falling trousers]  I’m going to tell the audience that you took them off.  I see London.  I see France.  I see someone’s...

ZAK:   Keep reading while I take those off, too, so we’ll be dressed the same.

HOLLY:   “The reason is that the type of arousal that leads to sexual pleasure and the type of arousal your body experiences during fearful and stressful times are very close to being the same thing.” (10)

ZAK:   You’re just stressed, right, Ms. Rennick?

HOLLY:   I’ve got my career to protect.  I’m a teacher.  Hey, don’t!  It’s too close to me!

ZAK:   Make some struggling sounds for the audience.

[Struggling]

ZAK:   Pretty realistic!

HOLLY:   Because I’m trying to elbow you for real, can’t you tell?

ZAK:   The show must go on.  Your sofa here is soft moss.  You’ll be more comfortable on your back.

[More struggling]

ZAK:   Ms. Barton says that science explains most everything.  Read about the science while you try to ignore me.  Maybe you can tell them how big it is, what you’re trying to ignore.

HOLLY:   It’s really hard to ignore.  I don’t have a guy on top of me that often while I'm supposed to be reading.

       "The sympathetic nervous system becomes activated and mobilizes the 'fight, flight or freeze' responses.  Neurochemicals stimulate blood to the large muscle groups and the pelvis.  The increase in blood flow to the lower part of the body may further result in more lubrication."(11)

[Devolves into heavy breathing]

ZAK:   Your neuros are pretty chemical, aren't they, Ms. Rennick?

HOLLY:   I can't help it.

ZAK:   I told you so!

HOLLY:   The Author’s Notes says that performance-enhancing readers’ positioning is suggested in brackets.  I don’t see anything in brackets about you pushing where you’re pushing.

ZAK:   The director showed me how she wants it performed.  Count 1-2-3-in, 1-2-3-out, like that, to get the audience listening.

[Nice and slow]

ZAK:   And then drop the 1-2-3s to keep their attention.

[Strenuous rhythmic exertions]

HOLLY:   I think, maybe...  Ah.  Don’t stop!  Aah.  Aaaah.

[Cacophony, then gradual quieting]

ZAK:   She said if the counting is hard, she can just stand off-stage and signal me with her hand.

HOLLY:   That’s why Readers Theater has a director, I guess.  The playwright maybe didn’t quite anticipate all the nuances.  Like when you got it in me, how was the playwright supposed to know that you’d keep moving it?

ZAK:   The director said that moving in and out is pretty important.  You really picked up on the cue after your “fight, flight or freeze” responses fizzled.

HOLLY:   Hey, I think we did pretty well for our first roles opposite each other.  Did my, er, fake orgasm sound okay?

ZAK:   The director said that when you fake it, you say things like, “Boy!  I’m really coming!”  Since you just went, “Aah.  Aaah.  Aaaah,” maybe you forgot your line.

HOLLY:   Well anyway, I would have faked it if I needed to.  Rats!  Look what you got on my sofa!

ZAK:   It’s moss in the woods.  Won’t matter.  Read me the last quotation.

HOLLY:   "Women who may have just survived a life threatening crime are asked, incredibly, questions such as: Did you enjoy it?  Did you have an orgasm?  Why didn't anyone hear you scream?  How big was his penis?"(12)

ZAK:   Girls talk about everything.  That’s why everyone knows about me and my sister.

HOLLY:   We do talk a lot, I suppose.  Ms. Barton will want to hear all about my orgasm.

ZAK:   She already knows how big I am.

HOLLY:   [Irritated]  Hey!  The lights went out again.  I can’t read my part.

ZAK:   Read?  You dropped the pages a bunch of lines ago.  Anyway, that was only rehearsal.  The director says to do now the scene in the dark, like that one where I make my sister come when this sofa’s supposed to be the one in our house, not soft moss in the woods.  I kinda like Readers Theater.

HOLLY:   But I’ll never remember all those Internet quotations.  Should I get dressed so you can strip me again?

ZAK:   Naah.  She says just the “theatrical climax”, what she calls it.  I’m supposed to start with, what’d she say, cuntingus?

HOLLY:   Cunnilingus!  You sure?

Zak:   I’m supposed to work on the pacing.

HOLLY:   Don’t worry.  I read that a woman’s ability to multiply orgasm increases with age.  It might be harder for you to rehearse it to the finish again, though, because males take a while to restore their acting capacity.

ZAK:   No problem; I’m a teenager.  Maybe you can say things like, “Oh my!  You’re so big,” so the audience will picture me better.  I have a ruler.

*** SCENE 11 ***

[Background of muted conversations, chairs pushed back, silverware, class bells]

CINDI:   Pass the Sweet 'N Low, will you?  This coffee needs something.

HOLLY:   A white chemical?

CINDI:   It's an organic chemical because of the carbon.  Too bad you never got the Readers Theater ready for public performance.  I sort of liked it.

HOLLY:   Lots of Broadway stuff closes after the first night but hangs on in smaller venues.  "Ah.  Aah.  Aaah," has its limits as Readers Theater.

CINDI:   Know what?  I accidentally left a tape recorder running when you and Zak practiced your big act.  It was really good, as good as the real thing, I’d sort of think.

HOLLY:   Umm, I guess I did do it pretty professionally.

CINDI:   The way you ended sounded a lot more real than your fake orgasm that time we double dated.  I about croaked when you volunteered, “Boy!  I’m really coming!” from the front seat.  Your Readers Theater way sounded more like me in back seat heaven.

HOLLY:   Uh, I picked up the improved dialog from Undercover Agent Uncovered.

CINDI:   See?  I told you it was better than Les Miserables.  That uncovered agent actress, she’s a professional in her own way.  And I was wondering.  In that Shakespeare poem, the rape of whoever.  How big was his penis and did she have an orgasm?

HOLLY:   I don’t know.  They haven’t made a movie of it, like they did for Romeo and Juliet.  Did you know that “to die” was a metaphor for “to orgasm” back then?

CINDI:   Think we can change this Readers Theater plot into something for Art-house Cine?

HOLLY:   My screen debut?  Ever used a hand-held movie camera?

CINDI:   No, but if it’s jerky, it’s more avant-garde.

HOLLY:   It would change the performance atmosphere, having a camera going.

CINDI:   A camera girl’s like a priest about confession, can’t tell anybody afterwards.

HOLLY:   Zak already knows his part.

CINDI:   Thanks to the directing, thank you.  We'll tell Zak it's related to Health Ed.  He'll want to be in a movie.

HOLLY:   The thing is, I wouldn't want this film to get...

CINDI:   I’ll colorize it to give you black hair.

HOLLY:   So you like the plot?

CINDI:   What plot?  Like this sham that right now we’re chatting in the faculty lounge, not sitting on your sofa here in your living room?

HOLLY:   Don’t remind me about these rocket fuel stains.

CINDI:   Call 1-800 Scotchguard.  Are we reading this or just gabbing?  The audience probably thinks that this is a Swedish film, anyway.  They just want American action, you know, like from those smaller Southern Californian studios for upcoming actresses.  What’s that noise?

HOLLY:   I don’t know.  I sounds sort of like, well, you know, so maybe this isn’t the faculty lounge.

[Rhythmic thumping.  SISTER’s moans]

CINDI:   Or maybe it is.  Kids do all sorts of stuff these days in empty classrooms.  Let's see of they want to go to Starbuck's with us for something from Seattle.  [Raps on wall]  Hey you two lovebirds!  You got every night to do it after your folks hit the sack.

[Rhythmic thumping and moaning cease.  ZAK and SISTER emerge from offstage looking sheepish, ZAK buckling his belt and SISTER, blouse in hand, brushing her hair.  The Readers Theater audience, however, misses the picture.  This is why the Readers Theater venue lost out to video.]

THE END

AUTHOR’S ENDNOTES

If you’re into apostrophes, Readers Theater can also be Reader’s Theater or Readers’ Theater, but who cares?

You don’t have to pay William Morris Agency for performance rights.  You don’t even need my permission to alter the script.  Just let me know how the theatrical climax went.
If somebody wants to make this into a movie, you have to let me play my part and you have to change my hair color.

Scotchguard does okay if your sofa’s stained anyway.  1-800-433-3296 and quote Shakespeare’s Rape of Lucrece, “How may this forced stain be wiped?”  When you tell the customer rep it’s teenage rocket fuel, she’ll understand.

INTERNET SOURCES

1. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query/static/citmatch.html.  Malamuth, NM, Heim, M and Feshbach, S, Sexual responsiveness of college students to rape depictions: inhibitory and disinhibitory effects, J Pers Soc Psychol, Mar 1980, 38(3), 399-408.

2. http://www.bridgew.edu/depts/artscnce/jiws/June01/Susan.pdf

3. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/rapevictims/message

4. http://forums.christianity.com/html/P570476

5. http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/experts/sexpro/qas/0,,189263_249958-1,00.html

6. http://enchantedwings.freeservers.com/orgasm.html

7. http://www.silverpalaceent.com/id34.htm

8. http://pages.ivillage.com/boadicea66/aphroditewounded/id11.html

9. http://www.speakout.org.za/legal/laws/laws_newsa.html

10. http://www.a-womans-touch.com/article/2/57/Can_a_woman_orgasm_during_rape.html

11. http://www.nowldef.org/html/njep/PDFdocs/selfstudyguide.pdf

12. http://www.secasa.com.au/survivors/rape_article_nw.html

***

Holly on the Web

Wherever you found this story on the web, thank you to the server.  My problem is that I've no systematic way to update the various servers.  As literary errors (or just lame word usages) are made known, I'll repair that which is salvageable on http://www.asstr.org/~Holly_Rennick.  If you take the time to read me, don't wade through an early version.

You can contact me via the site's message form.

Holly
