My Descent by Tempting Fate (toomuchfreetime08@yahoo.com)


Chapter 1

My descent into depravity began about a year ago, not with any particular act or sudden realization, but rather through the slow recognition of how unhappy my life made me.  On the surface I am sure my life appeared to others to be wonderfully satisfying.  I had a handsome, successful husband and two beautiful girls aged three and six.  We had a beautiful home in the suburbs of Seattle and my husband, Mike, was successful enough that I was able to stay home and watch after the girls and do a little volunteering at the school.

I had friends, a nice car, sports club memberships and all the visible signs of a successful happy life.  But increasingly I found that my quiet suburban life was a life lived in quiet desperation.  I smiled at my friendly neighbors, smiled when I helped out in Madison's 1st grade class and when I occasionally dropped off Sarah at daycare.  I smiled when I served the family dinner and when I asked Mike about work on those increasingly rare occasions that he was home and not traveling. 

No, my smiles belied the truth that slowly dawned on me, that I was tremendously unhappy and was not sure precisely why.  You might think that Mike's absences were the problem, but the fact is that we had begun drifting apart shortly after becoming married at age 26 ten years ago.  We were friendly and I liked Mike, but we had no passion in our life, we were not confidants and our sex life was virtually non-existent.  For that matter, our sex life had never been that exciting.  

Before marriage and for around six months after our wedding we had sex once or twice a week.  It was pleasant but not exciting, I had married Mike more because he was nice, and intelligent and was obviously going to be successful.  I'm not sure why he married me.

After a year of marriage we were having sex maybe once a month and it stayed that way for many years.  Frankly it was a minor miracle that I even got pregnant once, let alone twice.  

It's not that I was unattractive, or at least I didn't think so.  I'm around 5'5" tall with a slender but athletic figure.  I have brunette hair and while I'm probably not considered gorgeous, I do have an attractive pleasant face.  My breasts are not all that big, but what I have is perky even after two kids and looks good in the form fitting tops I often wear.  I notice that my ass still gets looks in the gym.

I probably was never the most sexually adventurous woman alive, but in retrospect I think that was because I didn't know that much or was waiting for Mike to take the lead.  Before meeting Mike in college I had two other college boyfriends that I'd had sex with as well as a drunken one-night stand.

I did not have sex with any boyfriends in high school, just some normal adolescent groping and making out.  What maybe was not so "normal" is that I didn't lose my virginity in college with my boyfriends, but I had lost it much earlier, at age 12 to be exact, to my 23 year old cousin who lived near us one summer as he worked a job on break from grad school.  He had seduced me quickly that summer and used me as his personal 12 year old sex toy.  What I thought was love was, of course, nothing of the sort.  

After the summer was over I only saw him rarely at family reunions and never told anyone about our relationship.  As a freshman in college beginning with orientation classes on how to avoid date rape I began to understand that my cousin had taken advantage of me and had committed statutory rape.  Over the next year I occasionally thought about him and even fantasized about confronting him or telling my parents or the police.  That all changed one Friday during my sophomore year when he called me to tell me he was coming through town that weekend.  He ended up using me from Friday night right on through until he left Monday evening taking with him my newfound understanding of sexual politics and leaving me with a sore pussy, sore ass, sore throat and a day's worth of missed homework.

I wasn't angry with my cousin.  I was not sad, or happy or ... anything.  I had served my purpose to him   I did not block out the memory, but it did not really enter my thoughts either.  I didn't fantasize about him when having sex or masturbating.  It was just something that had happened.

In retrospect, that was probably the first real sign of my inner sexual self, one that would lay dormant for many years.


So there I was at 36 an unhappy and increasingly desperate woman wondering what was missing from her life.  I began spending more time online, wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be happy with my life.  I searched the web for help on mental illnesses and on unhappy wives and tried to figure out just what it was that I was missing.  Many of the articles touched on the sexual and passionate relationship a woman needed to have with her husband and I knew that was something I would never achieve. 

But in this process of searching I found my first link to erotic stories, and viewed my first online porn, and read my first anonymous personal ads.  And so began my descent.


Chapter 2

At this point in time Mike was traveling abroad for his job and was typically gone for two or three weeks then back for four or five days before leaving again.  This left me plenty of time for my explorations.  

Once my descent began it progressed relatively rapidly, at least to my way of thinking.

My search for the solutions of other quietly desperate wives resulted early one Saturday morning in my stumbling upon the ASSTR story site.  Time passed as I read in awe some of the stories that people wrote.  Many did little for me (mind control stories, alien sex stories, etc.) but many spoke directly to me, to my surprise.  Stories of unhappy wives, stories of women being used as sex objects, stories even of women and girls being raped.

With a shortness of breath, achingly hard nipples and an increasingly wet pussy I read story after story until several hours had passed, it was a nine a.m. and I heard Maddy's sleepy voice, "I'm hungry mommy".

Reluctantly I got up from my seat, told Madison to watch TV while I got her sister up and made something for breakfast.  I had only been wearing panties and a tank top and as I looked down I could see my hard nipples poking out the front of my shirt.  I felt a slipperiness to my pussy that I had rarely felt before and these combined to make me embarrassed.  Although I knew my daughters were too young to notice any of this, I still put on a robe before I woke up Sarah and made the girls pancakes.

Once they were safely eating at the table I quickly found myself in front of my computer again reading the next chapter in the story I had open.  I was just as easily aroused as earlier in the morning and at particularly good parts found my robe slightly open and the fingers of my hand pressing between my legs.

A 3 and 6 year old cannot keep themselves entertained indefinitely, but every chance I got for the rest of the day I plopped them down in front of the TV with a movie or other show on while I was seated at the computer that was also in the family room reading stories from Kristen's Collection.  That night after I put them to bed I continued reading and then went to a link I'd read about which revealed a gallery full of pornography.  For the first time in my life I was looking at pictures of women sucking huge cocks, women with shaved pussies getting fucked, women licking women, men sucking men, and most amazingly even women sucking dogs.

I looked at pictures until well past midnight and having given up trying to avoid touching myself my fingers were tired from the pressure I had continually been applying to my dripping pussy.

When I finally went to bed I rubbed myself furiously until I had a huge shaking orgasm that left me so tired I fell quickly to sleep.


After that first day I continued my exploration on a near daily basis.  Whenever I could steal a moment I was in front of the computer reading stories or looking at porn.  I found myself gravitating towards the kinkier stories with submissive women, bondage, and rape.  If Maddy was at school or off at a friend's house on a play date I found I was less careful with what was on the computer screen and I'm sure Sarah ended up seeing more than just her mom's breasts on occasion.  Knowing she would have no idea what was going on I was also less concerned with her seeing mommy's hand down her panties as well.  Honestly, it aroused me to do this with her nearby.  Most definitely a naughty mommy thing to do.

My masturbating style changed too in the next month or so, as I soon graduated from just applying pressure to my pussy to inserting one or two fingers and rubbing my clit.  I had my first orgasm sitting at the computer (as opposed to in my bed) with SpongeBob on TV and my sweet innocent clueless daughters sitting less than 15 feet away.

It was at this time that I knew I was becoming addicted to masturbating to erotic stories.

About this first time I first ventured out onto craigslist.  I read the Casual Sex ads with interest, from men, from women, from couples and I wondered how many were real and what type of responses one could get.

In particular I read the few ads from men saying they were searching for sluts or for submissive women.  I found it easy to picture myself being those women and then to picture the men using me.  My cousin's face and body usually took the place of those men and I increasingly found myself recounting those times he had used me as a 12 yo and again that weekend my sophomore year.

One ad in particular caught my attention one morning.  Mike was out of state again, as usual and the girls were busy playing together quietly.  The ad was well written from a man claiming to be average in looks but not in sexual desires.  His description of what he was seeking was what kept my attention.  He wanted a woman in a relationship but missing something in her life.  He wanted someone willing to discuss her needs and desires even if she were not yet sure what those were.  He wanted someone who wanted........who needed.......to be told what to do and who could do so with no questions asked.  

He wanted me.

It took me a little while to realize it was me he was describing.  It took recalling my cousin fucking me as a 12 year old.  How he told me to get on my knees and elbows with my ass in the air and how I did it.  How I shivered as he stared at my hairless pussy and pink little asshole.  How the anticipation made my preteen pussy drip as he lubricated my ass with Vaseline and how the pain of his cock in my butt made me feel alive.

I recalled how he made me suck him clean after he fucked me, whether in my pussy or ass and how that made me feel ... used.  But how it felt like appropriate use.  And I recalled the weekend my sophomore year.  How I spread my legs instantly when he told me to.  How I'd introduced him as my cousin to a girl in the dorm room next door before I knew he was going to use me.  And how I felt like such a whore the rest of my college career every time I ran into her, because I knew that she knew that I'd fucked my cousin all weekend.

It took me two days to work up the courage to reply to his ad, by which time I hoped he would have had other replies or would have moved on.  His response to me came within 20 minutes.


Chapter 3

His emails were both distant and familiar at the same time.  He shared very little about himself other than general physical and personal traits (average looking but athletic and in good shape, around 40, married, kids, professional job) and what he was looking for (a submissive woman, preferably attached, looking to explore her sexual boundaries).  Mainly he asked questions about me.  Probing questions that seemed to me like he already knew the answers.

He had a sense of humor and intelligence that drew me to him and a manner of asking sexual questions that had me opening up to him in no time.  I found it relatively cathartic to be able to describe how my cousin had used me.  To describe each of the men that had ever fucked me.  To describe what turned me on and to admit that I thought I was becoming a woman addicted to online porn stories and images.  I also admitted that I was not nearly as careful about hiding my masturbating when it was just me and Sarah at home and that I frequently came with one or both of my daughters in the room.

He had me describe all of my fantasies.  Always with a "please" or a "I would appreciate it if...".  Very polite, but I definitely felt very compelled to answer.

After a few weeks he exhausted those questions and told me he felt he had a better understanding of who and what I was.


Our relationship progressed quickly at this point.  We moved past emails and began chatting regularly via IM.  As soon as Mike was off to work (or away on a trip) and Madison was on the bus to school I would anxiously log on to see if he was there.  Sometimes he was and sometimes he wasn't, but most days during the week we were able to chat at least for some time.  On the weekends it was much tougher since we were both were married and spouses and kid activities usually got in the way.

Our chats were interesting to say the least.  We discussed my fantasies in detail.  At some point in the conversation, usually after I was already worked up, he would usually ask me what I had on.

"Jean shorts, panties, bra and a tee", for instance.  Typically he would ask me to take something off, and I always did.

Once I was aroused enough he would have me go to a site with porn on it and start masturbating.  Usually this was done when Sarah was out of the room or taking a nap or watching tv.  In a short period though we progressed to where he would tell me not to stop if she came in the room.  And I didn't.  And it felt deliciously nasty to be such a bad mom.

I like women getting their mouths used and often I would end up on a site showing a slut taking a fat cock in her mouth.  I'd be looking at the pictures, often he'd be on the same site, and I would have my hand down my panties rubbing my clit and fingering my pussy.  I would imagine it was a cock pushing into me and pull it out and suck my finger with my own juices on it.

It had to happen and eventually it did.  While looking at pictures of a slut sucking cock and fucking and chatting to him, Sarah came up beside me.  I pulled my hand out of my panties and typed on the sticky keys to him that she was standing there.

"So?  Keep going".

I paused barely a second before reinserting my hand and fingering myself.  I even spread my legs wider at the acceptance that I was doing this to get better access to my pussy.  

Now I know this is perverted, but it turned me on to be so naughty.  And it is something I could only have done in front of Sarah at this point.  Somehow he seemed to know this.  She was only three, not six like her sister, and while she could look and see she probably would not remember any of this.  And her vocabulary was hardly that of a six year old so I didn't worry about her telling friends or daddy or anyone.

After a very short while, with Sarah still standing there, he told me to stand up and strip off all my clothes except my bra.  I did and sat back down.  He told me to spread my slutty legs and finger myself like a dirty little whore.  I shivered and I did.  I pushed two fingers into my dripping wet cunt and started fucking myself.  My fingers made a squelching sound as they went in and out of my pussy and I could see Sarah looking at my hand as she watched and listened.  

That made me incredibly turned on and I quickly asked if I could cum.  He told me I had to wait, so I reinserted my fingers and renewed my masturbating.  He kept up a nonstop stream of IMs that served only to fuel my need.

"She's watching her slutty little mom"
"You're a dirty fucking whore for doing this in front of her"
"Spread your legs, show her what mommy's pussy is for, show her how to rub"

On and on with me needing my orgasm more by the second.  Sarah was alternating between looking at me masturbating, looking at the screen and looking at items on my desk, but every time she looked at my fingers in my pussy I felt a sexual rush that is hard to describe.

He built my need until there was a slight pause and then the question, "What age do you think your cousin will fuck Sarah"?

I couldn't help it, at that point my orgasm burst forth and I gasped and shook, my fingers sliding in and out of my lubricated cunt.

Sarah asked, "Mommy", in a small voice but I could not stop until the waves of orgasm had subsided.  My moaning stopped I breathed heavily and was finally able to pull her onto my lap and whisper "hey sweetie" into her ear.  I could feel my wet fingers on her skin, but it was no longer the arousing feeling that was generated before, not bad, just a sated feeling.  

I felt love for Sarah, and wanted to clean up and snuggle with her, but I had to IM him back first.

I told him I was sorry but I had cum before he said I could.  He said he understood, that I might have to be punished later for it (with a winking emoticon).

"Enjoy the rest of your day ... slut".

It felt right.  Being naughty.  Being a slut.


End of Chapter 3  (more to come later if desired).  Feedback appreciated at toomuchfreetime08@yahoo.com.
