Author: Hungry Guy
Title: CELL DIVISION 
Summary: Do bacteria get horny? This story first appeared in The December 2004 issue #124 of Bewildering Stories at http://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue124/cell_division.html 
Keywords: nonhuman ScFi humor flash 
Language: english

CELL DIVISION 
BY:  Hungry Guy (hungry@stoolmail.zzn.com)

    Eukaryote swam in the hazy sunlight that filtered down through the fetid swamp water above him.  

    Prokaryote, had been swallowed by a larger bacterium earlier that day, and Eukaryote missed his friend.  Reminded of hunger, he began waving his cilia in search of free protein molecules.  It was exhausting work, but after feeding to his fill he went cessile to let himself float to the bottom. 

    It had also been hours since Eukaryote had last divided and he was feeling horny again.  He waved his cilia in that way that felt just _so_ good.  He kept it up, and felt his orgasm building.

    "Oh man!" he sighed as his prophase began.  He could almost feel his new kinetochores and kinetochore fibers form inside him.

    "Oh Man!  Oh God!" he moaned as his metaphase began, and his chromosome began to attach to his new kinetochores.  He could hardly control his wildly flapping cillia. 

    Then his DNA began to replicate.  His mitochondria began working extra hard to provide him with the energy he would need soon for his mitosis.  He could feel his single DNA molecule pulling itself in two, then attaching the resulting two parts onto opposite sides of his cell wall.  

    "Oh man, that feels so good!" he moaned again as his anaphase began.  He was almost there.  He could feel his cell membrane stretching -- stretching -- almost to the breaking point.

    "Oh God!  Oh God!" he screamed in ecstasy as his chromosomes ripped apart.

    He began thrashing as he reached his telophase.  It was the creepiest feeling as his nucleus reformed; yet the orgasmic sensation overwhelmed any and all discomfort.  He could almost feel himself split in two at this point, though his offspring was still firmly attached.

    Finally, "Here it comes!  Here it comes!" he screamed in ecstasy as his cytokinesis phase began.  The intense pain and pleasure of his cell stretching -- stretching -- until...  "Yeow!" he screamed as his common cell wall ripped apart leaving two genetically identical partners where there had been just one.

    His powerful orgasm left him famished.  Eukaryote asked his new offspring, "Was it good for you too?"

    "Oh yes!  It was wonderful!  The best we ever had!" he answered -- being asexual, both of them shared the same memories up to this point.

    His offspring looked to be already scouring the waters for free protein molecules to sate his own hunger, so Eukaryote got his cilia in motion and began searching out dinner as well.

    * END *

