Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 This is fiction, involving the sexual situation between consenting adults.
Any similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.  If
this subject offends you, leave. 
***************************************************************************
** Barbara 5: The Final Chapter
   By Romany
   (M/F)
   Chapter 13 - 1975
   I had graduated in computer science and had come back home while I
started looking for a job in the computer industry.  I had several
applications in place and one for a company in Seattle WA looked promising.
I spent a few weeks at home with mom and dad and I had been fortunate
enough to get some part time work at WRKZ `The Rox' where I had worked
briefly as a sound engineer when I left school in 1969.  The station was
experimenting with automation and I was hired on a short term contract to
assist the chief engineer and a consulting engineering company to set up
the servo based equipment.  It was lunch time and I was heading for a bar
which did cheap meals.  Two of my friends were waiting for me and I was
running late, being just after one o'clock which was the agreed rendezvous
time.  I walked briskly and as I came abreast of an office building I
looked ahead at this rather attractive young woman approaching me dressed
in one of those nylon shift-dresses that major offices insisted their
female employees wear as a cheap uniform.  She had dark hair pulled back in
a pony tail.  I studied her as we narrowed the gap towards each other;
trying to catch some perspective on her figure and face.  She was walking
with her hands pushed in the pockets of the shift and looking at some point
of the pavement in front of her.  At about a distance of 15 feet or so she
looked up casually and I realised instantly who it was; Barbara!  She gazed
casually around the street and then back in the direction she was walking
and saw me.  She recognised me instantly.  She stopped suddenly, almost in
a freeze, mouth open in surprise at seeing me here in the street in
Seaport. "Barbara.  Barbs.  Hi.  It's me, Stevie," I said in a jaunty
manner, keen to let her know I was glad to see her.
   "I know who you are," she said quietly.  "How are you Steven?" she asked
almost as an after thought.
   My heart sank.  "Steven"?  Shit.  She never ever called me Steven even
the few times she was mad at me.
   "Stevie," I said evenly, showing genuine hurt at the formal response. 
"You know me as Stevie," I said.
   She blushed with embarrassment at being chided for her formal greeting.
I stepped towards her.  She wore no makeup and her face was clear; her skin
that lovely light natural tanned pigment that she always had.  The green
eyes peering back under the fringe of her raven hair.  A few strands had
fallen from the pony tail clasp and hung at her face.  At first glance she
looked like a plain office girl out on her lunch break.  But a close study
revealed a vivacious young woman hiding behind her average attire.
   "Hi Stevie," she said softly.  "How are you?"
   "Barbs.  It's so great to see you again.  You look...well, you look
great," I answered, somewhat over emphasizing the "look great".
   "You mean I look all grown up," she said somewhat derisively.  "Not a
kid any more."
   "No...truly.  You look great.  You're beautiful.  I always thought you
were beautiful," I replied more seriously, my voicing becoming softer.
   We stared at each other for a few seconds.
   "So, how are your parents...and Jarrod?" I asked.
   "They're fine.  Well...not so much mom.  She has a heart problem," she
answered.
   I raised my eyebrows at the mention of Phyllis Kincaid's heart problem.
   "Wow.  Nothing major I hope," I replied genuinely sorry at this news.
   "I'm afraid it's serious enough for her to have to take life really
easy. She needs an operation but as we can't afford to go a private clinic,
she's on a long waiting list for public funded surgery," Barbara explained.
   "But she is in no danger meanwhile...?" I asked with concern.
   "Well as much as can be hoped for.  Medication helps her but she is
confined to the house.  She usually just sits in an armchair and watches TV
all day.  I have taken on the household chores with help from dad," she
continued.
   This was really shitty to hear.  But at the risk of reducing the reunion
to a somber occasion I changed the subject slightly.
   "What of Jarrod?" I asked.
   "Jarrod graduated college; he's in Boston," she explained.
   "And how is Jarrod doing...as if I need ask?" I said lightly.
   I had no doubt her nerdy brother was a mild genius in no matter what he
chose as a career.
   "Yes he's doing really well.  He got an MBA," she said.
   An MBA?  Not what I would have picked.  I thought maybe science or
mathematics or some such thing.
   "And you.  Tell me about you," I said, more interested in her than the
rest of the family.
   "Not much to tell really.  Graduated high school; got a job in Union
Insurance as a claims clerk," she said matter of factly.
   "But look at you.  You're better than a claims clerk.  You could be
anything you want," I offered in encouragement.
   She shot me an angry glance.
   "What's wrong with what I am doing," she asked acerbically.  "I'm happy
with what I do.  Looks aren't everything, if in fact I was as beautiful as
you claim," she continued.
   "Hey...hey...hey; Barbs," I said gently taking her arm.
   She stiffened at my touching her.  I took the hint and let her go.
   "I wasn't being critical.  I don't mean to offend you.  I was merely
saying there are a lot of things you could do that I think you would be a
great asset.  Hell you'd be great in the entertainment media or something
like that.  PR, personal assistant; anything where you exercise your
personality," I continued, trying to recover from an obvious gaffe.
   "I'm just fine thanks," she said in a slightly clipped voice.
   "Are you really?" I asked looking directly at her.
   "Fine for now," she answered.  "Look, I don't want to be rude, but I
have to be back at work at 1:30pm," she said.  I looked at my watch.  Shit,
1:10pm.  I had to meet Adam and Kenny at 1:00pm and I was late.
"Oh sure...yeah...me to.  I'm off to join some buddies for lunch" I
replied.
   "You work at The Rox again," she said as a statement.
   I nodded.
   "Short term...I'm waiting to hear about a couple of jobs.  Not radio but
in a relatively new industry...computers," I explained trying to lighten
the moment.
   "I've heard them mention your name this morning.  Must be great being in
such a groovy business," she said using her fingers as quotation marks to
emphasise the word groovy and wiggled her hips like she was dancing.
   There was a subliminal anger underlying her attitude towards me.  I was
disappointed but I could hardly expect being treated like a long lost
buddy. To parrot out the clich�, I had `robbed her of her innocence.' I
could hardly expect adulthood to recognise any merit in what I had done. 
Maturity brings perspective and even I had the odd flash of deep remorse
and guilt over my past with this lovely girl.
   "Barb," I said softly, "I'm so sorry."
   "Sorry Stevie?" she said.  "It was way too late for sorry the first
time," she continued.
   I blushed with guilt at the memory of our sexual escapades when she was
at grade school, and I was at high school.
   "Oh don't worry.  I've never spoken to anyone about it.  It's a shameful
part of my growing up," she said stiffly.
   She looked at me steadily.  She was trying to hurt me.
   "Not something I care to share or think about to often," she continued
looking rather rueful about what she was clearly thinking.  "How does the
saying go?  Get taken the first time shame on you; get taken the second
time, shame on me...?"
   "Like I said Barbs, I'm truly sorry," I repeated lamely.
   She stood with her hands jammed in her dress pockets.
   "Look, I'd better run," she said.
   She softened a bit.
   "Nice to see you again, after all this time," she said, softening her
attitude.
   I felt she didn't mean it.
   "Greet your mom and dad for me please.  Pass on my respects," I said,
playing the formal card.  "And Jarrod, when you talk to him next."
   "Sure, sure Stevie, I will.  I'm sure they will be interested to hear I
bumped into you," she answered a little sarcastically.
   I stood feeling totally stumped at what to say next.
   "Well, I'd better let you get to work," I volunteered lamely to end the
contact.
   "Yeah, true.  Best move along," she agreed.  "Just as you always did."
   Her comment hit me and I felt deflated.  I couldn't walk off with this
feeling she hated me.
   "Barb.  Can I see you again, you know, for old time's sake?" I asked
quickly.
   She shot me a derisive look and tossed her hair.
   "Old times sake Stevie?  Do you want to fuck me as an adult to?  Hell
I'm over 18 now so I guess you might as well sample me all grown up.  And
I'm so experienced with it.  A great sexual CV," she blurted back.
   She turned towards the building we were standing outside, and a hand
came up to her face and I realized she had tears in her eyes.
   "I never meant it that way Barbs," I said softly.  "I meant nothing more
than just to talk.  I know you must hate me for what we did, but I always
loved you and it was a genuine question to really catch up on a 6 year gap.
I'm sorry I've obviously touched a painful nerve.  I can say I am sorry for
ever but I can't change anything.  But, I am so sorry," I replied.
   I heard her sniff and she fumbled in her pocket and produced a white
scrap of material which was a crumpled handkerchief.
   "I'd best go," I said forlornly.  "This obviously is not a fond reunion.
Sorry again, but I guess fate dictated we would meet here today."
   I wheeled to walk off and she quickly grabbed my arm.
   "Stevie, I'm sorry, really I am.  I don't mean to be a bitch,
but...well...I loved you.  You broke my heart," she sobbed, trying to
control her emotions; looking about quickly to see who might be watching
her in tears.  "You left and I never saw you again.  You never said
goodbye" She said fighting the tears as she stared at me.
   She turned her head and wiped the back of her hands across her eyes to
clear them.
   "Barb...I...we broke up...you know why.  You were the one who said we
had to stop...because of your boyfriend," I started, recalling how we had
finished the second phase of a sexual relationship.
   "I loved you," she repeated again almost breathlessly, trying to hold
her composure.  "I'm not angry because of the sex, or what we did.  I did
it willingly.  I have no regrets about that.  But you just vanished.  Not a
word.  No effort to contact me.  I waited a few months...as we agreed...but
when I tried to contact you at the station, they said you'd left; gone away
to college in Connecticut.  Not a word; you just left without a goodbye."
   I stepped forward and gently took her upper arms in my hands.
   "I thought it was what you wanted.  If you recall, you always called me
at work when no one was around.  I waited...I thought you would at least
call...but nothing..." I said, almost pleading my case.  "I didn't dare
call you at your home...or go to your school...I didn't know how to see
you, even before I knew I was leaving..."
   "I thought maybe that might be the case...well I hoped that was the
case...you wanted to contact me but didn't know how," she said softly.
   "Of course I would have rather have contacted you," I said quietly
looking at her beautiful sad face.
   She paused and I noted she had composed herself.
   "Thank you anyway.  I've waited almost 6 years to hear that.  It's good
to hear that.  It's sort of like, closure," she said.  "I got a shock when
I heard them mention your name on the radio this morning...realizing you
were back here, and now this here...it's a lot to digest."
   "Well what's it to be then?  Can we meet and talk.  Maybe have coffee
some day?" I asked.
   The tears had stopped and she looked into my eyes.
   "I don't think so Stevie.  You see, I might still love you.  But you
have moved on and I know that for me it would want more than I think you
would ever be prepared to give me going forward," she answered evenly. 
"Besides, I have a boyfriend.  I have no reason to cause him any concern.
I'd just hurt him because I know I would just fall for you again."
   "Brad...?" I asked recalling the son of her parent's friends.
   She snorted derisively.
   "No...not Brad.  Brad turned out to be a big sissy," she chuckled
lightly.
   I gazed at her in confusion and she laughed at me.
   "He turned out to be queer...a fag..." she said with a laugh of
derision. "Seems I was his decoy...his ruse as the tough guy lover...well I
was his lover according to his bragging.  But a funny thing happened; he
got caught giving the captain of the debating team a nice blow job at the
back of the auditorium after a homecoming party.  He's gone to San
Francisco to be with some guy he met in college."
   I chuckled at hearing about Barbara's teen boyfriend, even though I
never met him; having seen him just once at a concert when Barbara and I
met for the second time.
   "That must have disappointed your folks...and his folks," I said
recalling how she had said both sets of parents had fostered her
relationship with Brad.
   "I doubt if either lot know," she said with a snort.  He hasn't come
out, as they say," she concluded.
   She paused and stared at me.
   "No, I have a new boyfriend," she said.  "We've been going together for
fourteen months now.  And I don't want to hurt him or ruin our
relationship. You understand...don't you...?"
   I looked at her realizing she was right.  She knew I wouldn't just want
to be her friend.  And I was leaving anyway; hopefully.  I nodded my
acknowledgement of her clarity of thinking.  I suspected there was a small
part of her that wanted me to be more persuasive but in all honesty I
couldn't do it.
   "Don't love me.  Love who we were," I answered softly.  "The emotions
were right for the time.  But you're right.  We've moved on."
   She gave a wry smile realizing I wasn't going to push her to change her
initial rejection, and she shook her head slowly.
   "You're not going to argue with me then?" she said frowning in
admonishment.
   I grimaced at her words and I stood somewhat trapped; knowing my gut
feeling was right not to pursue contact with her.  Despite having suggested
we could meet for coffee there would be no half measures between us.  It
would develop and the consequences would end in tears again.
   "OK then.  It's for the best," she said firmly and she looked at her
watch.  "I'd best get going or I'll be late," she said.
   I nodded.  I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the forehead.
   "Have a good life pretty lady.  I'll never forget you," I said softly.
She squeezed my arm, leaned up towards me and kissed me on the cheek.
   "Bye Stevie."
   With that she turned and without looking back, strode off into the
office building.  I stood and watched her briefly until the office facade
shielded her from my view.  I moved and looked through one of the plate
glass windows and saw her disappear into an elevator.  She stood facing
out, not looking my way, and the doors closed and she was gone.  ***
Chapter Fourteen - Renewal
   "Phone call for you Steve," Alison called through the intercom.  "Can I
put it through?"
   I was wrestling with a problem with the automated cartridge player a
week after I had met Barbara in the street.  Andy the chief engineer was in
the technical workshop with the consulting engineer, pouring over circuit
drawings to try and work out the problem, so I was alone.
   "Sure" I said, looking at her through the double glass windows to the
control booth; where she was taking calls while the receptionist was out to
lunch.
   The phone rang and I picked it up and Alison hung up her end to transfer
the call.
   "Stevie...?" came the female voice on the line.
   It was Barbara.
   "Barbs..." I said in an almost hushed whisper.  "Is that you Barbs...?"
   "Yes...it's me Stevie...um, I was wondering if I could see you...catch
up some time.  I've been thinking about you since we met last week
and...well...I was a bit of a bitch.  I just thought we could maybe have a
better meeting...you kind of took me by surprise on the street...not
prepared..." she said quietly.
   "I understand how it must have thrown you seeing me when you didn't
expect to.  It certainly threw me, seeing you unexpectedly.  In a nice way
of course," I answered diplomatically.
   "Where do you live?" she asked.
   "I'm staying with a friend...198 Morton, near the Home Depot at
Scandrett Ave, I answered.  When can you drop by?"
   "Thursday, about seven if that's OK.  I can borrow dad's car after he
get's home from work...I don't have a car myself," she answered.
   "That's fine," I continued trying not to appear too eager.  "Seven on
Thursday," I confirmed.
   "See you then Stevie," she said quietly.
   "I look forward to it Barbs," I replied, trying to sound sincere.
   She rang off and I punched the air.  I was anything but sincere.  I
wanted her.  "Yes" I cried, thinking of my beautiful lover, all grown into
a mature young woman.  The breasts hadn't grown much but the face, framed
by her raven mane, was just as beautiful and the slim body was utterly
delectable to look at.  I closed my eyes briefly and for a moment I swear I
could smell her body; taste her sweet sex.  I involuntarily ran my tongue
over my lips in an almost lurid gesture.  Geez I was almost drooling in
anticipation.  *** Thursday dawned bright, and I felt on edge all day due
to the excitement of anticipation of Barbara coming to visit me that
evening.  What would happen?  Could I expect a simple roll in the hay?  Or
would it be something more formal; more tentative with perhaps her watching
me to see what my long term attitude to her was.  It had occurred to me
that the age difference that plagued us over the past years was now not an
obstacle.  A twenty-five year old man and twenty year old woman were quite
acceptable, if perhaps at the higher end of the age gap norm.  Despite
being excited to see her, the thought of a relationship that would now be
socially acceptable sobered me.  I was hoping to get the job in Seattle. 
This was temporary so there was potentially no chance of any courtship for
outward appearances to family and friends if we kindled a spark.  For my
part, I did not want to go back to Barbara as an adult lover.  It was a
shitty admission I made to myself but my future plans did not include any
romantic relationship for the foreseeable months, even the next couple of
years.  I was trying to get a career going.  The most I aspired to
emotionally was casual sex; one night stands and the like.  And anyway,
Barbara had a boyfriend who she seemed committed to.  Or at least that was
the impression she gave when we met last week.
   She arrived promptly at seven and I ushered her into Adam's small single
bedroom apartment.  I was using his sofa bed to sleep on, which was now
folded back to act as the sofa and sole seat in the small living room.  She
was wearing tight denim jeans, a white blouse with a fine light gray
pinstripe, and a brown corduroy jacket.  Her hair was gathered up and held
with a clasp and I felt a surge of warmth and a desire to embrace her which
caused me to tremble slightly, when I saw the elegance of her bare neck. 
She saw my reaction as the warm feeling ran through me and giving me a look
of appreciation that I had given her a silent compliment with my
involuntary shudder, she turned and came into my arms in a tight embrace.
We clung to each other as if our lives depended on it and my previous
feelings I could not become romantically involved right now, simply
dissipated as I hugged her to me; her face against me chest and the smell
of her hair in my nostrils made me feel I never wanted to let her go again.
All of my rationalizing about my career and no emotional ties to get in the
way, for many months, had vanished.  We were the right ages now.  In this
instant I truly felt that I loved her deeply and would never let her go. 
Sex was inevitable.  Without a word I pulled back and started to remove her
jacket.  She glanced at me and smiled as acceptance of the obvious and
reached for my belt and quickly opened my flies.  As I discarded her jacket
and opened her blouse, revealing a plain white bra holding her small firm
breasts, she had my hardening cock in her hand; and shrugging away from my
attention to removing her blouse she dropped to her knees to take me in her
mouth.  As she stroked and sucked me I thought that this moment could last
for ever.  That I could never again let her go whatever the external
realities and impediments to us would be.  She worked quickly at first;
fisting me hard as she swirled and sucked the head of my cock.  After I had
become properly hard, she eased off a little and moved her hand up and down
the shaft and underneath it to massage the balls jammed in my jeans.  I
took the waist of my opened jeans and eased them past my hips and thighs so
they bunched at my knees.  She had my cock through the flap of my shorts
and she quickly disengaged my cock and shoved the boxers to meet the jeans;
once again going down on me and lightly caressing my balls and up the
underside of my cock.  I felt the urge rise to cum and I gasped and eased
her back and chuckled.
   "Easy...easy beautiful," I gasped.  "I'll lose it..."
   She looked up at me and smirked as she jacked me.
   "Of course you'll lose it," she crooned.  "That's the intention," and
went back down on me.
   I did lose it; quickly.  Gasping and making small crying noises like a
baby as I spewed into her mouth.  To my delight and pleasure she kept her
mouth clamped over half the length of my cock as I emptied into her greedy,
sucking mouth; half a dozen long glorious spurts.  Finally I wrung the last
drops as I steadied her head with my hands; standing slightly buckled at
the knees as a result of the intense release.  Finally she swirled my cock
with her tongue and stood up and threw an arm around my shoulders, while
still holding my spent cock lightly in one hand, and leaned in to kiss me.
We kissed for a minute or two and she pushed her tongue into my mouth.  I
had a faint taste of my cum that she had swallowed, and the light odor it
left in her mouth.  I wondered if this was a test to see if I could taste
and smell myself; as she had done so willingly when I came in her mouth.  I
kissed her fervently to show any residue of semen in her mouth did not faze
me at all.  She eventually let my softening cock go and held me around the
shoulders as I dropped my hands; and in the cramped space between our
bodies, I undid the belt to her Levis and managed to push her jeans and
panties down to mid-thigh.  I zeroed a hand into her sex and she groaned in
an open mouth kiss as I slid my fingers up and along her labial slit,
nudging the crinkled hood covering her clitoris.  I was home; in familiar
territory with the girl who I had lost my cherry to, at the same time I had
taken hers; all those years ago.  She moaned in appreciation at the merry
dance my fingers were doing with her sex and as I stroked and nudged her
clitoris, I used my free hand to open her blouse and pushed her bra up to
get at one breast.  I found the hard little nipple and squeezed and pinched
it as I fingered her and she started to moan against my mouth and her kiss
became sloppy and her tongue roved my mouth.  She was getting hot and
responding nicely to the fingers on her sex and breast.  I eased her back
and lowered her onto the sofa and quickly broke the kiss and dragged her
jeans and panties off, hooking her sandals with the garments as they
cleared her feet.  She shimmied back to get more of her back and head onto
the base of the sofa and as I pushed her thighs, she moved the leg near the
back of the sofa up and over it while her other leg splayed onto the edge
of the sofa seat; her foot trailing on the floor.  She was wide open and
had a look of determination on her face as I crouched in and she took my
head in her hands as I went down on her.
   Barbara moaned in appreciation as I sucked and nipped at her sex and
clitoris.  Roving her hands through my hair and pulling me into her crotch
as she pushed it back against my mouth.  I laved her with my saliva and
after a few minutes of bliss and enjoyment at the taste and smell of her, I
started to push my index and middle fingers into her vagina.  She was quite
wet and I slid the two fingers in as far as I could.  I moved them back and
forth in a fucking motion; occasionally twisting them and feeling the satin
walls of her vaginal cavity.  She was moaning continually now and her
pelvic movements had become regular and urgent.  I knew her well enough
despite the gap of 6 years since I was last with her this way, and I
insinuated my ring finger into her anus; my saliva and her natural juices
wetting and lubricating her perineum and anal pucker.  She gasped and
groaned, arching her back as my finger caused her to catch her breath in
discomfort as I went up to the second knuckle.  I had all but my thumb and
pinky inserted in her vagina and rectum and I could feel her pulse strong
from the sphincter gripping my ring finger.  Holding her like this I
ravaged her clitoris with my tongue pursed so it was hard and firm and she
started to shake and shudder and cry out as the orgasm ripped through.  She
bucked and heaved against me and crushed my head into her crotch.  At one
point, using my head gripped in her hands as a support, she half levered
her upper body up to nearly sitting and then bucked hard at me as the last
contraction of orgasm consumed her; and she fell back with a low groan of
pleasure.  Her strength left her as she succumbed to the effects of the
release and her hands falling from my head beside her hips.  I became aware
she was incredibly wet and I detected the unmistakable odor of urine
realizing she had peed a little with the force of the release.
   I dragged myself over her and she weakly wrapped her arms around me as I
knelt and lay along her body.  We lay like this for some indeterminate time
and at one point I heard the door open.  I dragged my head up and looked
behind me and Adam was standing with a look of surprise as he took in my
naked butt and clothed torso draped between bare legs splayed on his sofa.
He wouldn't be able to see who it was as I was mostly covering her from his
view.  A broad grin came over his face and he quickly nodded, tapped his
watch on his wrist and held up the fingers of both hands.  He would be back
at ten.  He grinned after he noted I had caught his miming and backed out
the door.  Damn!  I had forgotten where I was.  I shared his apartment.  I
hadn't stopped to consider he would be home.  Barbara was oblivious to
Adam's arrival and rapid departure.  I turned back and looked at her
sleeping.  Her head turned away from me towards the back of the sofa.  I
nuzzled her bare neck and smelled her hair.  Lying along her body like this
was making me hard as I had come out of my afterglow snooze and the whole
situation was still extremely erotic.  Levering my hips across her I nudged
her sex with my erection, reaching back to push it down a little, and with
some difficulty, I slowly inched my way into her with a series of in-out
movements.  Finally I was lodged deep inside her warmth, with my balls
grazing the sofa as I lay across her; feet braced on the floor for leverage
and support.  I started to fuck her.  Slowly at first, but as I gradually
shifted her body so I had her butt on the edge of the sofa, I increased the
pace now I had a straight push into her and soon I was fucking her hard;
her body jerking to my movements.  As I settled into a warm steady rhythm
she opened her eyes and regarded me fucking her and a half smile of
approval came to her lips and she wrapped her hands around my head and
pulled me into a kiss.  I had briefly wondered about birth control but as
she seemed to warm to my fucking her, I let the thought go as she started
to move and adjust her hips so she was soon matching my rhythm.  I had
never brought her to orgasm with solely penetrative fucking but I was
amazed at how mobile she was becoming and soon she clung to me and once
again was gasping and moaning in obvious enjoyment at being fucked this
way. Towards the end she took control of the pace and moved my hips towards
her with her hands grasping my butt and she rutted back against me and
mashed her groin against my pubis.  I was fascinated as she took us both
over the edge; she wailing in delight and me groaning and gasping and
calling out in pleasure as we hit the Big `O' together and I filled her
with several long spurts of semen, and I emptied myself into her body a
second time that evening.  *** We sat on the sofa bed; Barbara cradled in
my arms with her back to me.  After we had come down from our sex, she had
pulled her jeans and panties half up and I directed her to the bathroom. 
While she was in there, I pulled my jeans back up and she soon returned
with her clothes tidy and dressed, apart from her sandals which lay on the
floor in front of the couch.  She smiled warmly and I welcomed her into the
crook of my arm.  I urged her to let her hair down and she grinned in
appreciation that I was admiring of her hair this way.  As she snuggled
back against me I felt her mane against my face and drank in her smell once
more.  We started to talk quietly about the years since our last meeting
this way.  She told me about the shock, and then amusement, of finding out
her teen boyfriend Brad was gay.  The two other high school romances she
had that never came to much.
   "Have you ever...you know...with anyone else?" I asked tentatively.
   She shook her head and then paused as if considering her denial of my
question.
   "I wasn't totally inactive," she said a little sheepishly.  "There was
times were I gave head and allowed myself to be felt up," she said and
blushed at her admission.  "But nothing like with you," she said quickly.
   I recalled she had virtually admitted she had blown her first boyfriend
Brad, back when we were together last.
   "And what about your current boyfriend?" I asked cautiously.
   "Of course," she said simply.  "We have sex...oral sex...blow jobs," she
said in elaboration.  "But not proper sex...making love."
   "Oral sex is making love to," I answered.
   "Of course...yes...you're right.  Just not the full way," she agreed.
   "So it's clear you're not on birth control," I said guardedly, raising a
serious topic.
   "I've just finished my period," she said with a smirk.  "It's why I
suggested meeting today...I won't ovulate for some days yet," she
explained.
   I looked a little skeptical, and she giggled.
   "I'm a good Catholic girl," she laughed.  "I know all about the rhythm
method...one of the Pope's soldiers against artificial birth control...like
NOT," she laughed.  "I'd take the pill if I had the need to...with
Donald...but we don't go all the way."
   "And what's he like...your boyfriend, Donald?" I asked carefully, daring
to delve deeper into her relationships.
   She grinned spontaneously and then checked herself, realizing she had
signaled her fondness for him.
   "He's great...just great," she said.  She paused; "Which is why I had to
come to see you," she continued, and stared at me; searching my face as if
looking for an answer.
   "How's that?" I asked curious as to her meaning.
   She fidgeted and looked away and then looked back at me tentatively.
   "To see how I felt about you...and myself...and about Donald," she said
quietly.  "To see what my heart would tell me."
   I frowned, puzzled at her words.  I went to speak; to ask her what she
meant.
   "I love Donald," she said and fidgeted with my watch strap on the wrist
she was lightly holding.  "I love you to Stevie.  But it's different.  I
know that now...this has told me what I needed to know."
   "What did it tell you?" I asked somewhat nervous at what her answer
would be.
   I think I secretly knew her answer.  In that instance; based on her
expression of sadness, I realized she had had some sort of epiphany about
her relationship with her boyfriend; and the history of her relationship
with me.
   "I want to be with Donald," she said softly.  "I love him.  He's my best
chance of a normal relationship."
   I swallowed hard and felt gutted, yet held my composure.  Our
relationship had always gone my way.  Tonight I wanted to take her back. 
Yet deep down, after the sex was past, I knew it would be temporary and
once again I would move on.  And here she was gently rejecting me, on any
further chance of a normal relationship based on our current age.  I said
nothing but must have looked strained.
   "Relax.  I won't ever tell Donald or anyone about you," she said
quietly. "What we had is ours and no one else need ever know."
   I wasn't feeling strained because she might tell.  I was felling this
way because I realized she was gently dumping me.  Quashing any aspirations
I might have had about rekindling our previous affairs.  I said nothing;
just stared blankly at her.  This was new to me.
   "You always defined me," she continued.  "Even when you were too
young...I was too young...to even know you were doing it.  I've always been
an adjunct to your life.  Never had one of my own that you didn't dominate.
Even your memory dominated me these past years," she said gazing into my
eyes.
   She was opening up.  Being honest.  The young woman was finally atoning
for the submissiveness of her junior life.  I sat not knowing what to say.
Her honesty had shut me down.
   "Which is why I had to come for closure," she said as her eyes welled up
with tears.  "This is goodbye Stevie.  My closure to a wonderful past with
you...but it can never be my future because I know in my heart I am not in
your future."
   I struggled to speak but she was absolutely right in what she said about
me.  Despite the rush of emotional bravado when I had first held her
earlier this night, I knew it would not be forever even if I thought that
some hour or so earlier.  And she was right in implying I had dominated
her. Controlled her even if I wasn't doing it by design; well not always,
at least.  And she had worked out this latest encounter was probably marked
to die as the previous two had been.
   "Barbs I don't know what to say," I said sheepishly.  "I mean I know how
I feel about you and..." but she interrupted, placing her fingers on my
lips.
   "Shhh...shhh...listen Stevie.  Meeting me last week was a fluke.  You
have been back in Seaport for weeks.  You never once tried to find me; to
contact me, now that we have an acceptable age difference and it wouldn't
be untoward to be together.  But you didn't.  And in six years you've had
other girlfriends, I'm sure.  You moved on.  You have the promise of a
career, God knows where...and I don't come into those plans you have.  So I
have to move on.  But I had to know how I truly felt...which is why I came
tonight...as I said.  Why I let it happen...the sex...to see what it really
meant."
   I frowned at her last statement.
   "It was based on sex?" I asked a little surprised.  "Was it bad sex, so
therefore it told you to move on...is that it?"
   "No silly," she half chuckled and stroked my face.  "The sex was
fantastic...better than ever...I've grown...as a woman now...earned a lot
about myself.  Remembered what we did, how we did it...but it wasn't the
sex as such.  It was the overall emotional response...the perspective.  I
know what I have to do and...it's for me...not with you," she concluded and
wiped her eyes which had filled with tears as she spoke.
   I nodded.  I understood.  Somewhere in this evening, she had shed a
load. That load was the hold I had had over her since she was eleven years
old.  I did understand where she was coming from.  The sex was inevitable
yet it was final; the punctuation mark to the end of the story...of the
last chapter.  I held her and she wept quietly now.  I confess a tear came
to my eye as well though the emotional impact was way less than Barbara was
experiencing.  We were equal.  For the first time in our lives together,
she had caught up to me...and she was now moving past me.
   "I understand Barbs...truly...I understand.  I wish nothing but the best
for you...and I'll always cherish you and our time together," I said with
my voice breaking slightly.
   She shuddered and I held her as she let it go for several minutes and
sobbed uncontrollably in my arms.  My eyes were filled with tears but
stoically I held back the need to weep.  Big boys don't cry.
   ***
   Chapter 14 - The Epilogue - 1979.
   Fate saw our paths cross one more time.  Barbara left that night in 1975
and I never saw her again.  We left on the best of terms.  Crippled with
sadness yet both knowing it was the right thing to do.  I had recently
married Jennifer and we went back to the island where I grew up, to spend a
few days of our honeymoon with mom and dad.  My brother Eric was married
and now living back on the island since the coastguard had put a boat
station there.  One night he and his wife Erin, and Jenn and me went to a
local bar.  We socialized with the locals in the bar and there were a large
number of visitors in this night.  I went to the bar for a round of drinks
and was standing waiting my turn to be served.  Standing to one side but in
front of me was a woman with full wavy dark hair.  I looked at her butt in
a tight pair of slacks and mentally undressed her; looking for the visible
panty line to imagine what she might be wearing.  From behind I saw her
take several bottles of beer by pressing them together between her two
hands.  She carefully lifted them and slowly turned, focusing on the cargo
of alcohol in her grasp.  As she turned she looked at me to negotiate her
way past.  It was Barbara.  Her eyes opened wide in surprise and she had to
steady her hands from dropping the beer.  Once recognition sunk in she
smiled and spoke.
   "Stevie.  Hi, how are you?" she asked brightly.  "I wondered if you
still came back here sometimes," she said.
   I felt a tinge of hurt.  The lightness of her tone sounded easy and
natural.  My presence had not seemed to rattle her in the slightest.  She
was truly over me?
   "Barbs.  How the hell are you?" I answered; somewhat embarrassed I had
been ogling her.
   I studied the hair.  It wasn't straight any more; it looked a little
like Jaclyn Smith of Charlie's Angels.  All full bodied and curls.  She
rolled her eyes up realizing I was staring.
   "Oh, yeah, the hair," she said wryly raising her eyebrows as if looking
up at it.  "New look."
   "It looks great...as always," I said and smiled warmly, remembering our
past together.
   She rolled her eyes as if I was bullshitting her.  I had sensed she was
trying to be matter of fact about our meeting.  She did look great.  I
calculated she must be maybe 24 or 25 by now.  I was just about to continue
the conversation when I heard the barmaid ask what I wanted.  Apparently it
was the second time she had asked and she was getting annoyed at me
apparently ignoring her; and holding up the line of patron's waiting for a
drink.  Barbara was also getting a little white knuckled holding the beers.
   "I'd better go; you'd better place your order," she said quickly with a
laugh.
   "Sure, yeah, sorry, right," I stammered.  "We must catch up," I called
after her but she had vanished beyond the line of patrons.
   I stood wondering if she had actually fled my company, despite the
weight of the beer bottles in her hands.  I turned to the barmaid and
placed the order for a round of drinks.  As I stood waiting I saw Barbara
negotiating herself along the front of the bar and disappearing out of view
behind the cluster of patrons.  I looked across at the high table in the
middle of the room where Eric, Erin and Jenn sat.  Eric was looking at me
steadily.  He had obviously seen me talking to Barbara and I think he
realised we knew each other.  I received my order and the barmaid gave me a
tray to carry them.  I took the drinks back to the table and the four of us
continued our evening of socializing.  Occasionally I scanned the crowded
bar to see where Barbara was but did not see her.  I reasoned she must be
sitting outside on the terrace.  I went to the men's room for a piss and
Eric caught up with me.
   "Who was the hottie you were chatting to," he asked.
   "Oh, her, she was the little kid I boarded with when I was at high
school," I answered truthfully without wanting to explain further.
   He gave me a knowing look as he stood beside me and took a piss.
   "Some little kid," he guffawed.  "She is hot!  She looks like...um...you
know...Charlie's Angels...Sabrina."
   "Kelly...the actress Jaclyn Smith..." I said and I grinned at his
remark. "Yep I saw that to, but she was eleven when I lived with her and
her family...and now...like you brother dear, I'm a happily married man," I
laughed.
   We went back into the bar and rejoined the girls.  Come time to go home,
we threaded our way through the thinning crowd and it was near the door
that I spotted Barbara again; sitting with a group in a small alcove of the
bar with a window towards the harbor.  She saw me immediately; I was
walking behind Jenn as I gently guiding her through the melee of people
standing around talking and drinking.  I looked at her over Jenn's
shoulder. Fortunately Jenn was looking towards the side door, and would not
see the eye contact Barbara and I had made.  I saw Barbara's gaze flick
over Jenn and knew she was giving my beautiful blond wife the once over. 
She looked back and I saw a smirk and nod of approval flash over her face.
It was about then that a rather skinny guy next to her looked around to say
something to her and realized she was staring in my direction.  I wondered
if this was Donald who she had told me was her boyfriend that night we last
parted.  He turned scanning in my general direction searching for whoever
Barbara was looking at; finally deciding it was me.  By now we were nearly
at the exit and Jenn pushed the door, and as we had turned to the right to
the exit I had to turn my head away from Barbara's gaze.  We stepped out
into the warm night and walked around the front of the bar.  Barbara was
sitting with her back to the window which gave a view to the harbor
seascape and as we came abreast I was disappointed she hadn't turned to
follow me with her gaze, but instead was talking to a woman sitting across
the table from her.  In that instant of disappointment I knew she had moved
on.  Gotten over me, and was now absorbed in her life without me being a
factor.  The thin guy had an arm draped across the back of her chair and he
swiveled in his chair to look at me over his shoulder.  Our eyes met
briefly before Jenn and I passed abreast of them, and it would have been
too pointed for me to look back.  Jenn took my arm and we walked a few
paces and stopped waiting for Eric and Erin to catch up.  Eric was looking
at the people seated in the bar window; I'm sure he was trying to get a
better view of Barbara.  He noticed the thin guy giving me the stare and he
gave me a quizzical look.  I looked away and cuddled Jenn who was now
nuzzled lightly against me.  Fortunately Jenn never saw any of the looks
exchanged and as soon as Eric and Erin joined us we all turned and walked
on.  We drifted out of the glare of the street light in front of the bar,
and out of view of the guy with Barbara if he was still watching.  I was
dying to look back but knew it was only vanity that made me feel the need
to know she might have glanced back at me.  I walked on into the night with
my family.
   *** Postscript 2008
   Its twenty nine years on since that last time I ever saw Barbara.  I
kept an eye out for her the remaining days I was on the island that summer,
but I never saw her.  She may have left on the early ferry the next day. 
Or maybe she stayed out of the village as she and her friends hung out in
one of the numerous beaches and coves.  I have no idea whatever became of
her.  I live on the west coast; she lived back east.  But she will always
remain in my heart; that beautiful gutsy girl who gave me all of her trust
without question.  Who was to grow up to teach me about the courage to
follow one's heart.  I learned so much from her; about myself.  I will go
to my grave with a small piece of my heart dedicated to her.
   The End
   (C) Romany 2008 Protected by copyright law.  Please do not copy, edit,
amend or post this on any website without the author's permission.
   Also by Romany; `Barbara 1: Rites of Passage'; `Barbara 2: Learning
Moments'; `Barbara 3: Paradise Lost' and `Barbara 4: Paradise Regained' and
other stories at https://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/gypsey/romany/
   
  
Barbara5 - The Final Chapter