 
 THE MEASURE OF MAN

 An Epic by Gil Gamesh

Chapter Fifty-Seven


As for you, Gilgamesh, fill your belly with good things; day and night, night and day, dance and be merry, feast and rejoice. Let your clothes be fresh, bathe yourself in water, cherish the little child that holds your hand, and make your wife happy in your embrace; for this too is the measure of man.


CAST OF CHARACTERS:
Kieran Stuart, 43; Siobhan Stuart, 42; Kavan Stuart, 17; Arial Stuart, 16; Kerry Stuart, 12 ¾

Kathryn Jenssen, 17; Brad Weaver, 17

TELLING THE STORY
Kavan Stuart

<><><>

(KAVAN)

On Sunday, we all went to the Andersen’s for lunch. Mom and Dad wanted to talk with them about going to pick up Rachael and the kids and about helping them when Luke arrived with the movers. Mom and Dad were planning to leave on Friday just after lunch, spend the night with Luke and Rachael, and then come back on Saturday with Rachael and the kids. Luke said the movers had promised to have everything loaded by mid-morning and would then arrive here about mid-afternoon.

Brad, Arial, Kerry, Kathryn, and I just sat and listened to most of the planning. When they talked about who would help when the movers arrived, I told Mom and Dad I’d switch my weekend workday from Saturday so Sunday I could help. Brad and Arial and Kathryn and Kerry said they would help too. Then Dad asked me what we were going to do on Friday night while they were gone. I hadn’t really thought about it but I guess Arial and Kerry had. They asked Mom and Dad if we could just stay home and invite a few friends over for a cookout and swim party. I could tell they really wanted to so I decided I’d better volunteer to be in charge.

“Dad, if you’ll let us, I’ll promise to be responsible for everything. There won’t be any alcohol or stuff like that. We won’t play music too loud. We won’t cause any trouble. We’ll just cook out and play in the pool and nothing else.”

“Who are you going to invite?” Mom asked. “I don’t think you ought to have a big crowd. Maybe five or six more would be enough.”

“If they have any problems, they can call me,” Stuart said. “It won’t take me ten minutes to drive over.”

I thought of a better idea. I didn’t know anybody at school I really wanted to invite but I really wanted to invite Stuart and Joanne.

“Dad, if Stuart and Joanne can talk somebody into babysitting, I’ll invite them,” I said. “I still want you to leave me in charge though.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Kerry piped up. “I’d like to invite Kenjiro and Nicole.”

“You could invite Kenjiro’s sister too, Kerry,” Arial said. “She’s Brad’s and Kavan’s age. I’ve talked to her a lot since you and Kenjiro got to be friends. I like her.”

“Yeah, invite Kiki too,” Kerry said. “I like older women, especially beautiful ones.”

“You like all women, Squirt,” I said. “I thought she had a Japanese name.”

“She does,” Kerry, responded. “Her name is Akiko but her American friends call her Kiki. Kenjiro calls her that most of the time but sometimes he calls her Aki-chan.”

“How old is she?” Dad asked, looking at Kerry.

“She’s a junior so I guess she’s about the same age as me and Kathryn,” I said.

“Could I invite Ryan Spenser and his girlfriend?” Brad asked. “I don’t know her very well – her name’s Laura Robinson - but I know him and he’s a good guy. They’ll both start at the university this fall.”

“Who’s he?” Stuart asked.

“He’s a senior at school. His Mom’s the bookkeeper at the restaurant where we went to dinner and he’s one of the waiters.” Brad said. “His Dad left them years ago and they have a hard time getting by. He never complains about it and he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. We’ve talked a lot about what we want to do someday.”   

“That’s just twelve people, Mom,” Kerry said. “That’s not a big crowd.”

“Why do you want to be in charge, Kavan?” Dad asked. “You could just let Stuart and Joanne keep things under control.”

“Yeah, but I’d rather do it,” I said. “I want you to know I can be responsible. I want Stuart and Joanne to be our guests so they can relax and have fun like the rest of us.”

“I don’t think you should plan on swimming in the nude, Kavan,” Mom said. “Nicole may not know how we are about that. I know Kenjiro’s OK with it but I’ve never met his sister. What would Ryan and Laura think about it? You don’t want to make your guests uncomfortable.”

“I don’t see why not,” Brad said. “Nobody worried about me being uncomfortable the first time I went swimming with all of you.”

“Well, I had to check you out, Brad Weaver,” Arial said. “I wanted to know whether you were a keeper or not.”

“Yeah, I could check out Nicole,” Kerry said. “I could see if she’s a keeper.”

“I think Mom’s right, Kerry,” I said. “I think we should all wear swim suits. Everybody will be more comfortable then and we can just relax and have fun.”

“Well, is it OK if I wear a Speedo then, one of those Mom got us at the charity sale last winter?” Kerry asked. “Nicole can check me out.”

Mom and Arial and Kathryn had gone to a huge charity sale one Saturday last winter. They came home with a dozen or so big bags of clothes, something for everybody. I don’t know what all they found for the girls but they found jeans, shirts, sweatshirts, and other stuff for guys. They bought one huge plastic bag of swimwear for $20, all of it new stuff but smelling like smoke from a fire. There were some things for women and girls in it but most of it was for men and boys. There were lots of Speedos and briefs for guys as well as some baggies. We tried to find out where it came from since most guys around here wear baggies but there were no store tags.

After we tried on all the other stuff, we got in the bag of swim wear. We were all in the family room with stuff thrown all over the place in different piles for the one who wanted something. Kerry started looking at the speedos and claiming the small ones. Arial told him to try them on and he just stripped naked and started putting them on, taking them off, throwing them in his pile, and trying another one. Arial checked the sizes and passed some on to the other guys and then told us to try them on. I think Brad was still a little self-conscious then about being naked around Mom and Dad but when Dad and I tried on some he did too. Mom and the girls started teasing us to model the Speedos for them and we did. They didn’t hide that much on a guy. If a girl wanted to check out a guy, she wouldn’t have any trouble if he was wearing a Speedo.

“Wear the blue one, Kerry,” Kathryn said. “You know, the blue one with a red band around the waist. You looked good in it.”

I knew which one she meant. Kerry had claimed one Speedo that fit him like a second skin, dark blue with a red strip around the waist. On the sides, there was maybe two inches of fabric. In front, it barely covered Kerry’s equipment.

“Yeah, that one’s sexy, Kerry,” Arial said. “We’ve got to pick out something sexy for Brad and Kavan.”

“If you kids are going to wear stuff like that, what are your guests going to wear?” Dad asked. “Maybe you’d better wear something that covers up a little more.”

“Stuart’s going to wear a Speedo,” Joanne said. “I’m wearing a bikini if I can get my breasts in it.”

Stuart looked at her like he was surprised. “I am? You are?”

“Yes, you are,” Joanne said. “And yes, I am.  

“We haven’t been invited,” he said. “Anyway, we don’t have a babysitter.”

“You do have a babysitter,” Ms. Lauren said. “You have two of them.”  

Mr. Jack held up his hand and acted like he was resigned to his fate.

“And you’re invited,” Arial said. “Both of you.”

Kerry leaned over to Mom and whispered something in her ear. She started laughing and whispered something back to him. He asked her something else and she whispered back again. This time all he said was “Oh,” and I think he started blushing.

“What was that about?” Dad asked.

“He wanted to know what happened if Kieran Lee needed to be fed while she was gone,” Mom said. “I told him she would use a breast pump and leave a couple of bottles of her milk at home for him. Then he wanted to know what happened if Joanne’s breasts made too much milk while she was away from Kieran Lee. I told him she could just give it to him.”

Kerry kept looking at Stuart and both of them were grinning like they knew something the rest of us didn’t. It made me wonder what he’d been doing with Stuart and Joanne last weekend.

“Well, I don’t think you kids should have a pool party while we’re gone,” Dad said. “I’m not sure I can trust you to be good.”

“Daaaadddd,” Arial squealed. I think she made three syllables out of one.

“Oh, alright, Princess, you kids can have a pool party,” Dad said. I knew he would give in to her; he always does.

<><><>

At noon on Tuesday, Kathryn and I were about to go in the school cafeteria for lunch when we saw Kerry and Kenjiro coming down the hall. We waited for them just outside the cafeteria door. While we were standing there, one of the school’s two security guards passed us, walking fast. I knew him so I spoke to him but he didn’t answer. When the four of us went in the cafeteria, he was standing near the serving line and looking around. I looked too but I didn’t see any trouble.

Kathryn and I were in front of Kerry and Kenjiro in the serving line. The line went down a wall and was hemmed in by a rail on the other side, open to the eating area. The place was noisy as usual and I looked around and back at the guard but I still couldn’t see any reason for him to be there.

The line moved along a little and some other kids lined up behind us. Everything seemed normal so I guess I forgot about the guard. There were some kids in front of us and they seemed to be hanging back in the line a little. Then suddenly four of them pushed past us, and went to the back of the line. They were talking loudly but, with all the noise, I couldn’t understand them.

With them out of the way, I saw Jerome Watson and I knew who the security guard was watching. Jerome was always causing some sort of problem. Everybody knew he had shit for brains and it was always spilling out of his mouth. He was always getting somebody pissed at him and he seemed to love it. I always tried to keep Kathryn and Arial away from him so they couldn’t hear the filthy way he talked about girls.

Jerome was really skinny and always dirty looking, with his pants hanging off where his butt was supposed to be. He looked about the same as he always does. His underwear was showing and he knew the dress code prohibited that. His shirt, cut off about his belly button, looked greasy and sweaty. His sneakers were untied and almost falling off.

Usually he acted like he didn’t have enough energy to move. He loved to park his ass somewhere so it was in the way and then refuse to move. This time, he was different. He was almost bouncing off the walls. He was moving from the wall to the guard rail and back. His arms and head were moving around too and it was like he was being jerked around by something invisible.

Kathryn was just a little in front of me, with her back to Jerome, when the other kids backed up, and she didn’t see him. Jerome saw her though and started muttering something. I didn’t know what to do but I caught her arm so she wouldn’t move forward. I looked at the guard and saw he was looking at Jerome.

When I turned around again, Jerome was looking at me and Kathryn with a really mean mad look on his face. He said something that sounded like “snooty booty bitch” and just stood there when the line in front moved on. I looked at the guard again and saw him coming in our direction.

When I turned around again, Jerome was right behind Kathryn with his hands around her. He was groping at her breasts and thighs and saying something real loud. I heard something that sounded like “shove my dick down yo’ throat” and I tried to pull Kathryn away from him and behind me. He held on to her so I turned loose of her and then shoved myself between him and Kathryn, with his face right in mine. His breath hit me and I could smell a stink of alcohol and other stuff. He was still reaching out toward Kathryn and yelling stuff that didn’t make any sense except for the dirty words. I put my forearm against his chest and shoved him against the wall.

That’s when he finally seemed to see me. He started struggling against me, trying to find room to hit me with his fists and trying to knee me between my legs, all the time keeping up his wild nasty talk. He squealed something that sounded like “can’t steal my bitch,” swung his arm around, and hit me on the side of my head, right on my ear, with his hand. It hurt like hell and made me as mad as I’ve ever been.

I turned sort of sideways so he couldn’t knee me in the balls and shoved him against the wall again. He started trying to claw at my face with both hands so I shoved him against the wall as hard as I could. That made him even worse so I shut my eyes, lowered my head, and butted him in the face. At the same time, I reached down between his legs and grabbed a handful. I could tell I had his nuts so I squeezed as hard as I could. He kept struggling so I kept squeezing. Then he started making a loud choking sound. I opened my eyes and saw my arm had slid up so my forearm was against his throat and his eyes were rolling back in his head. I leaned my head up close to his and whispered, “I’m going to kill you, Jerome. You’re dead meat. Kiss your balls goodbye.”

I gave his nuts one more good squeeze, pulled down on them as hard as I could and then let him go. He bent over, clutching his balls, and I moved away from him. He choked a couple of times, gave me a look like nothing I’d ever seen, and then turned toward Kathryn again. I looked in that direction and saw Kerry standing between her and Jerome. Kerry had his back in our direction with his arms around Kathryn and he was looking over his shoulder at what was going on. 

Jerome acted like he didn’t even see Kerry. He shoved me and started toward Kathryn again. Kerry tried to stay between him and Kathryn but Jerome shoved him against the wall. I was trying to grab Jerome again when Kerry bounced off the wall and came back at Jerome. I saw a look of determination on Kerry’s face and then his arm swung around and I saw his fist headed for Jerome’s face. I heard it splat and Jerome staggered back against me. I grabbed him from behind with my arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides. I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with him but I knew I wasn’t going to let him get loose to go after Kathryn again.

Then something big straightened up on the other side of Jerome. It was Grizzly, ducking under the rail. He looked at me with that big smile of his and winked. 

“Let’im go, Kavan,” he said. “I’ll take care ov’im.”

I looked up the serving line and saw the security guard was right behind Grizzly. I let Jerome go and Grizzly grabbed him, wrapped his arms around him in a bear hug, and picked him up. Grizzly stood there, grinning, holding Jerome like a little kid. Jerome’s feet were off the floor and they were the only things moving. 

“Jerome, you gon’ be good now?” Grizzly asked.

Jerome started nodding his head and stopped struggling. Grizzly kept his arms around him, looking at something behind me.

I turned around. It was Mrs. Frazier, our principal, and the other security guard. They both pushed around me and stood in front of Jerome and Grizzly. Grizzly nodded his head to the principal and then just stood there, smiling at her, still holding Jerome. She didn’t say anything but Grizzly did.

“Mrs. Frazier wan’s you to be good, Jerome,” Grizzly said. “You gon’ be good?”

Finally Jerome nodded. Grizzly looked at me and nodded.

“You OK, Kavan?” he asked. “Kin I turn’im loose now?”

I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm down. My heart was still pounding away, my ear was ringing, and I wanted to kill Jerome. I kept breathing as deeply as I could and waiting. I wanted to kill him and something told me that didn’t make any sense but I pushed it aside. Finally I felt like I was back in control of myself again, enough to put on a face like I was calm. I still wanted to kill him. I knew it would feel good to do it.

“Yeah, Grizzly, you can let him go,” I said.

Grizzly let him down so that his feet were touching the floor. He opened his bear hug and kept his big hands around Jerome’s skinny biceps. Jerome stood there quietly for a moment and then looked around. His eyes passed right over Mrs. Frazier and found me again.

Suddenly he snatched his arms out of Grizzly’s grip, tried to push between Mrs. Frazier and the guard, and then was yanked back. I saw Grizzly behind him but I couldn’t see what he was doing. Then Jerome’s feet were jerked out from under him and he fell forward. Grizzly had a grip on the back of Jerome’s pants and was holding his butt up a couple of feet while his head and feet were down on the floor. I thought maybe it was finally all over. Then I heard something rip and Jerome crawled forward toward me, out of his pants and sneakers, leaving Grizzly holding his pants.

Before Jerome could get up, the security guard beside Mrs. Frazier was on top of him. He pushed Jerome down on the floor, pulled his arm around behind his back, put the little plastic handcuffs they use on one arm, and reached for the other arm. Jerome still wasn’t finished. He twisted around, slugged the guard on his face, broke loose, and then ran toward the emergency exit from the cafeteria. I saw his red boxer shorts almost falling off his skinny butt and legs as he banged the door open and ran out. The alarm went off and then the two security guards were right behind him. Jerome tripped over somebody sitting on the steps outside, went flying, and then both guards were on top of him. I could still hear him screaming and yelling, all sorts of words I hated for Mrs. Frazier to hear. The emergency door slowly closed and the alarm stopped.

I looked at Mrs. Frazier, wondering what to do. She was looking at me and then toward the emergency door. I looked beyond her. Kerry had his arms around Kathryn and her head was buried in his shoulder. She was crying. Kenjiro was rubbing her back and talking to her. I looked around the cafeteria. Everybody was standing up, looking at us. Nobody was saying a word.

Just then, one of the male coaches came down the serving line to where Mrs. Frazier was standing. She grabbed his arm, said something I didn’t understand, ducked under the rail, and went out the emergency door. The alarm screamed again and then cut off when the door shut.

Everybody started talking at once. The coach tried to say something but couldn’t get anybody to listen. Grizzly knew how to get their attention. He let out a piercing whistle, waved his big arms over his head, and then yelled, “Coach said everybody sit down ‘n’ shut up!” When they did, Grizzly just looked at the coach and grinned, waiting for him to take charge.

He told Grizzly to take me to a table and make me sit down. He pointed at Kerry, Kathryn, and Kenjiro, and told them to go with me. He looked around, found some of the football players, and called them to him. I didn’t hear what he was saying. 

Grizzly ducked under the rail so the four of us followed him. He found a table almost empty, jerked his thumb up, and three guys cleared it the rest of the way. Kerry and Kenjiro sat down and I waited for Kathryn.
 
When she sat down, I took the seat beside her and grabbed her hand. She looked at me and smiled but her face was still wet from crying. I looked at Kerry and he was smiling too but he looked like he was proud. I held out my left hand to him and he put his right one in it. I turned it over and looked at his knuckles. They were red and looked a little bruised. I ran my thumb over them and he winced. Finally I looked up at Grizzly, standing behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders and smiled down at me. I shut my eyes and tried to let go of my anger. I tried but I couldn’t smile. I still wanted to kill Jerome. I knew I shouldn’t feel that way. It scared me but I still wanted to kill him. 

Some of the students brought all of us trays of food and then stood around. Some others brought us different things to drink and they either patted me on the back or shoulder or said a few words to Kathryn or Kerry. Grizzly stood until he saw that one of the trays was his and then he sat down beside me.

“Eat!” he said. “Ain’t that what you come in here for?”

We were all through eating, just sitting there, trying to decide what to do, when Mrs. Frazier came back in the cafeteria. When she walked up to our table, she waved the football players and the coach away and then sat down with us.

“The police are taking him directly to the emergency room. They think he’s high on something. They smelled alcohol but they think it’s also drugs of some kind. Are you late for your classes?” she asked.

I said, “Yes, Ma’am,” and the others nodded. She pulled out her ever-present excuse pad, initialed five, and passed them out to us.

“Now, you can all relax,” she started. “I saw what happened and I can’t blame you for any of it. Kathryn, are you all right? Do you need to see the nurse?”

Kathryn leaned over against me and I squeezed her hand. She tried to smile but I could tell she was still close to crying.

“I’m OK, Mrs. Frazier,” she said. “These guys will take care of me.”

“I know,” Mrs. Frazier said. “That’s what they were doing with Jerome. Kerry, let me see your hand.”

He held it out to her and she held it and looked at his knuckles. She rubbed her thumb over them, just like I’d done, and he winced again. She made him wiggle his fingers until she was satisfied nothing was broken and then took his hand in hers again.

“Perhaps you shouldn’t have hit him, Kerry, but you didn’t do anything wrong. I know you were just trying to stop him from grabbing Kathryn again.”

She turned to me.

“Kavan, I’m not sure what you were doing to Jerome, but I saw where your hand was and the expression on his face. I think you were causing him a lot of pain, weren’t you?”

I nodded. I didn’t see any reason to deny it but I didn’t see any need to tell her I wanted to rip his balls off.

“Well, I want you to be careful around the school, especially in the parking area. Some of Jerome’s friends may try to get back at you. I want you to park in the guest area for the rest of the school year. Stop by the office and I’ll write you a parking permission.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” I answered. “Am I in trouble? I didn’t start anything with Jerome, Mrs. Frazier. I don’t know what was wrong with him. He acted like he was crazy, trying to get at Kathryn.”

“No, Kavan, you’re not in trouble,” she said. “I heard what he was screaming and it did seem like he was crazy with something. I just wish the kids in the cafeteria hadn’t heard it. I asked the police to make sure I got a call about Jerome when they know something. I’ll call your parents and tell them about it. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

The first time-period after lunch, Kathryn and I had different classes. I decided to skip my class and stay with her. When we went in her classroom, the teacher didn’t say anything. He just nodded. Kathryn started toward an empty seat and I guess it was hers. I held her hand and pulled her toward the back of the room so we could sit together. I kept looking at her and I could tell she was still upset and nervous. In the second time period, we had a class together and we always sat next to each other. When we sat down, I reached over and held her hand. The teacher saw us but she didn’t say anything. She’d already heard about Jerome if the school grapevine was as good as usual.

When classes were over, Kathryn and I stopped by our lockers and then started to the parking lot. Brad and Arial and Kerry were standing just outside the door waiting for us. Maybe Kerry had just told them what happened because Arial was looking at his hand. When Kathryn saw them, she walked over to Kerry, hugged him up against her, and whispered something to him. I knew we weren’t supposed to have open displays of affection on school grounds but I didn’t care. I hugged both of them and told him “Thanks, little buddy.”

Kerry rode home with Brad and Arial. I was glad because I wanted to be alone with Kathryn. When we got in my truck, I pulled her up against me and just held her for a minute or so. I didn’t think I needed to say anything; I just wanted to show her I loved her.

But Kathryn wanted to talk. She started while we were still in the parking lot at school and didn’t stop until I asked her to when were going up the hill to our house. All I could do was listen while she cried and sniffed and talked and cried and talked.

I thought she would be OK with what Kerry and I did in protecting her from Jerome but it was almost like we’d done something wrong. I hadn’t hit him. I had just tried to restrain him. I guess I felt sorry for him a little because he was so little and scrawny. If he hadn’t slapped me on my ear and hurt me so bad, I probably wouldn’t have hurt him. I couldn’t fault Kerry for hitting him - boy, he almost cold-cocked him - because that seemed like it was needed after I couldn’t hold onto him.

I wanted to love her and take care of her and protect her and it was like she didn’t want me to. I tried to act normal and calm when we went in the house because I knew Mom would be waiting. Inside I was so damn confused I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me and Kathryn as usual. 

<><><>

On Wednesday afternoon after school, Kathryn and I went to our part-time jobs at the plant nursery and landscaping company. The previous Monday, we’d started straightening up the bagged stuff like fertilizer and mulch. Kathryn had used the forklift and I’d done the hard part of lifting and tossing bags. This time, Mrs.Manchester asked Kathryn to help with customers so I had to finish moving the bagged stuff by myself. I sort of liked using my muscles to arrange the bags. It was as good as lifting weights any day, even if it did leave me smelling like sweat and cow manure and fertilizer.

We got home just after five o’clock, in time to get a bath before dinner. There was a van in our driveway and I knew it was Mrs. Whittaker bringing Kerry home. After she left, I parked in the driveway. Kerry waited for us to get out of my truck. The way he was grinning I knew he wanted to tell us something. I just wanted a shower.

“Whatzup, Squirt?” I asked.

“I want to talk to you,” he said. 

“Yeah, and I want to shower. Can it wait?”

“You guys go shower,” Kathryn said. “I don’t want to.”

“You can shower with us,” Kerry said. “I want to talk to Kavan but I don’t care if you hear.”

“No, I can’t,” she said. “You two go bathe.”

Kerry looked confused. The three of us had showered together a couple of times on the afternoons when we were working and Kerry was practicing with the school musical bunch. He started to say something but Kathryn cut him off.

“I’m just getting over my period, Kerry,” Kathryn said. “I’d rather bathe by myself.”

I thought to be so smart he could be so dumb sometimes. But then I thought maybe I was the dumb one. She wouldn’t let me make love to her last night and she’d said the same thing then. But she hadn’t put a sanitary napkin in her panties when we were getting dressed for school this morning. I guess I assumed we could make love tonight. Why did she tell Kerry that?

Mom was in the family room reading but I could tell what she’d been doing. There was a smell in the air of garlic and onions and beef and I knew it was one of my favorite casseroles. I was starved. She wanted to know if I’d heard anything else about Jerome.

All day at school the kids had been talking about Jerome’s weird behavior, with all sorts of stupid excuses for his craziness. I had talked to Mrs. Frazier and got the straight scoop: Jerome was about twice the limit on alcohol and he also had cocaine and some unidentified drug in his system. He had thrown up in the police car and then almost choked to death on it. The police took him to the emergency room and that’s all that saved him. The doctors thought he was a goner from overdosing but they managed to pull him through. The police cleaned out his locker but nobody knew what they found. They still had Jerome in custody.

Kathryn had already heard about Jerome so she went to the bathroom and then downstairs to our bedroom. Kerry stood around listening while I told Mom what I’d learned.

“Well, I’m glad he’s OK,” Mom said. “Did Mrs. Frazier have anything else to say about what you two did?”

“No, Ma’am. The police talked to Jerome today. He tried to say I’d called him a name and that’s why he was so mad. He didn’t get anywhere with that excuse.”

“What did he say you called him?” Mom asked.

“He said I told Kathryn to look at that crazy little nigger,” I told her. “But Mom I didn’t. I didn’t hear anybody say anything like that and I know I didn’t say it. Mrs. Frazier’s already checked with the security guard and some others who saw everything. They all said the same thing, that he was lying. Mrs. Frazier said she knew me and she didn’t believe I’d say that.”

“Mom, he didn’t say it,” Kerry said. “There were some kids ahead of us in line and they might have said it. They pushed past us and went to the back of the line because of Jerome. Kavan doesn’t say stuff like that. He never has.”

“I know, Kerry,” Mom said. “I’m proud of both of you because you don’t say things like that. Now I think you two stinkers had better get a bath before dinner. I don’t want to have to smell you while I’m eating.” 

I couldn’t smell Kerry but he looked like he needed a shower. His hair and his shirt looked like he had been squirted with a hose. He’d come in from the dance rehearsals like that more than once. He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the basement door. I knew he wanted to use the basement shower with me. I could tell he had something he wanted to talk about.

We stripped off in the basement, put our dirty clothes in a laundry basket, and put the basket at the foot of the stairs so we could take it up to the laundry.

Kerry couldn’t wait. He started talking while we were getting undressed. He had to tell me what had happened with Nicole. I could tell something had happened because his dick looked like it was ready to stand up.

“Nicole kissed me a couple of times this afternoon,” he said. “The first time she kissed me after we did a routine together. I kissed her back and tried to hold her. It kind of surprised me because the other kids were watching. They kept kidding us about it.”

“Well, what’s so bad about that?” I asked. “I thought you said they were all the kissy huggy type anyway.”

I turned on one showerhead, adjusted it the way I like it, and handed Kerry the back brush. He knew what I wanted. He soaped up the brush and started scrubbing my back.

“Yeah, but the second time, she did it when nobody else was around. Everybody else went upstairs, getting ready to go home, and I stayed to help her clean up. She kissed me again and we both tried to swab out the other’s tonsils. It was hot.”

“Did you get a hard-on?”

“Fuck, yeah! Nicole had her hands on my butt pulling me against her when we were kissing. Before we went upstairs I grabbed my backpack and held it in front of me until I got in Mrs. Whittaker’s van. I’m going to have to get me a good jock strap to hold my dick down.”

“Shit, Kerry, don’t worry about it. Let’em see it. Kathryn said she thought it was a compliment when we first started fooling around.”

“Oh, sure, like Mrs. Whittaker will think it’s a compliment. She’s nice but it’s not her panties I’d like to get into. Will you do my back now?”

I scrubbed his back while he stood under the spray. His skin wasn’t as oily as mine and I couldn’t see any problems on his back. It was all just smooth and clear like it had always been. I saw he had one hand in front of him and I knew what he was doing. I wanted to do the same thing.

 Kathryn’s period had started Saturday and I hadn’t jacked off but once since we made love on Friday night. I was looking forward to getting some tonight but I probably wouldn’t if she was going to say her period wasn’t over.

I wrapped my left hand around my dick and started stroking it. Kerry turned around, saw what I was doing, and smiled his crazy grin. I hung up the brush, swapped hands, and we stood there under the warm water watching each other while we stroked our dicks. 

I heard the basement garage door opening and I knew Dad was about to pull in. Mom used the one-car garage in the front of the house for her BMW. Arial got half the basement garage for hers. Dad got the other half for his Mercedes. I always had to park my truck on the driveway. I didn’t hear Dad’s car but it was so quiet we wouldn’t have heard it even if the shower had been off.

The door to the shower opened but I didn’t see anybody. Then I heard somebody yell, “Who’s using up all my hot water?” We both knew it was Dad, even if he was trying to disguise his voice.

“It’s just your two dirty sons,” Kerry yelled. “Our mean Mom made us take a bath before dinner.”

Dad opened the door wider and looked in. He had on a suit and tie like he does when he’s got to meet with people. We both stopped jacking off and just stood there holding our dicks. He smiled and shook his head like he always does. He knew what we were doing.

“Hard day, huh?” he said.

“Yeah, come join us,” Kerry said. “We were just trying to figure out what to do with our hard-ons.”

“Yeah, Nicole kissed him,” I said. “He’s got the hots for her.”

Dad undressed just outside the shower door. He found a hanger where we kept robes and hung up his pants and coat. He threw his underwear and socks in the laundry basket, stepped in the shower, and closed the door behind him.

“Don’t let me stop you,” he said. “I know how it is. Since your Mom got pregnant, I never get any pussy. I’m hard-up too.”

I knew he was kidding like always. I guess Kerry didn’t.

“You mean you can’t do it while she’s pregnant?” he said. “Why not?”

Dad waved us to move aside, got under the shower, and stood there, eyes shut, with the water spraying down on his head and shoulders. Kerry and I stood there, both moving our hands back and forth.

“He’s kidding, Squirt,” I said, loud enough for Dad to hear. “He and Mom are like two newlyweds in rut. He gets so much pussy he never has to jack off.”

Dad opened his eyes, smiled, reached down, and started sliding his hand back and forth on his dick. Kerry and I watched while it expanded into a full-blown hard-on.

“Well, come on,” he said. “You invited me to join you. That’s what I’m doing.”

I turned on the other shower and slanted the head so it was spraying next to the one Dad was under. He moved back a little and Kerry and I got under the shower again. We were like three points on a triangle, standing there jacking off, watching each other, smiling at what we were doing. I couldn’t ever remember Dad jacking off with both of us at the same time.

Kerry came first. He cupped his left hand under his balls while he gave his dick hell with his right. He squirted out a few times and then his hand slowed down while he milked out the rest. I did the same thing he’d done. I grabbed my balls, tightened the muscles in my ass and thighs, and squirted out a three-day load. Dad did it just like we did it, except he shut his eyes when he did it. I could tell he tightened his muscles too because I could almost see a six-pack on his stomach. It looked like he had a three-day load too.

We stood under the shower, gradually relaxing and slowly squeezing the last semen out of the tubes. I started thinking about how it felt to have a Dad who would jack off with his sons. He’d always told us it was the most natural thing guys could do and we should never be ashamed of doing it. I was glad he wasn’t ashamed to do it with us.

“Well, who’s going to scrub my back?” he asked after a while.

I scrubbed his back and Kerry started talking about what he’d done with Nicole. He finally got around to asking what he wanted answers for.

“Dad, what do you think I should do,” he asked. “She acts like she wants to do something with me but I’m not sure. I’d love to do it with her but I don’t want her to laugh at me.”

“What do you think he should do, Kavan?” Dad asked.

“Don’t ask me, Dad,” I said. “I can’t figure out what to do with the one I’ve got. He’s going to have to make up his own mind about Nicole.”

“He’s probably right, Squirt,” Dad said. “You know her better than we do. You’re going to have to read her signals and make up your own mind how far to go with her. Don’t push yourself on her. Don’t hurt her. Make sure you’re responsible like I’ve told you. Have you still got some of the condoms I gave you?”

“Yeah, I did what you told me,” he said. “I practiced putting one on and then jacking off with it on to see how it feels. I’ve got plenty left. Kavan and Brad gave me some too.” 

“Well, I don’t know what else I can tell you, Son,” Dad said. “My dad trusted me not to hurt Allison when I was just thirteen. I’ll just have to trust you to handle this.”

“Who was Allison?” Kerry asked.

“Sweet little tomboy Allison,” Dad said, smiling. “We were both thirteen and we really had the hots for each other. Remind me and I’ll tell you about it sometime. Let’s get upstairs. I’m hungry.”

<><><>

During dinner, Mom started talking to Kathryn about flying to New York. She was real casual about it, like it was something Kathryn did all the time. She invited her and Arial to go shopping for some pants that would look good traveling and wouldn’t need ironing. Kathryn told her she’d be fine in jeans like most kids wear but Mom and Arial both ganged up on her and talked her into going shopping. I had a feeling Mom just wanted a good opportunity to talk to Kathryn without the rest of all around.

We all pitched in to help clean the kitchen as usual. Then Mom told Kathryn and Arial to be ready in fifteen minutes and they left the kitchen. I asked Kerry to help me with a Google search and we went to his room. It took maybe ten minutes to find what I wanted and to print out five pages. I went back toward the kitchen to go downstairs and that’s when I saw Mom and Dad.

Dad was sitting in a chair with his legs spread. Mom was standing between his legs, holding his head against her breasts. Dad’s arms were around her waist and his hands were on her back. His face was turned to the side and I could see it. He had his eyes closed and I could see him taking deep breaths and letting them out. Mom’s eyes were closed too and she was breathing about the same way. I stood there and watched them for a minute or so, wondering what they were feeling and thinking. Then Kerry came out of his room, talking to me, and they both opened their eyes. Mom walked past us without a word, smiling at me and Kerry, and went down the hall to their bedroom. Dad just sat there, smiling at us too.

“I think I’ll go for a walk up the hill while they’re gone,” Dad said. “Anybody want to go with me?”

That was exactly what I wanted. I’d been thinking about how I could get some private time with him ever since I got home. I needed to bounce a few ideas off him to see what he thought. I was pretty close to making up my own mind about what I wanted to do but he was always good about listening when I needed to talk. Then it hit me that he was probably creating an opportunity to talk with me like Mom was doing to talk to Kathryn.

“Do you want to go, Squirt?” Dad asked. “Do you need to study tonight? Do you need me to help you with anything?”

“Yeah, I want to go,” Kerry said. “I’ve got to type something up and maybe you could read over it for me. It’s not that much. It can wait.”

Going up the hill, Kerry talked with Dad about Nicole some more. Dad never did try to tell him exactly what to do, except that he told Kerry he had to be responsible for his own actions when it came to sex. That was about the same thing he’d told me when I started with Kathryn.

When we got to the crest of the hill, we sat down at the picnic table close to the big boulders. The sun was shining through some broken clouds off to the west and the clouds closer to us were all shades of red and pink. We sat there without talking at first, just watching the slow change as the sun slid out from under the clouds and began to touch the horizon.

“Have you had any problems at school, Kerry?” Dad asked. “Is your hand OK?”

Kerry held out his hand, spread his long fingers, and wiggled them. I could see a little red discoloration on his knuckles and down his middle finger. 

“Nah, Dad, no problems,” he said. “My hand’s OK. I kind of like it like this. Every time somebody asks, I just show them the finger.”

“How about you, Kavan?” Dad asked. “Is there any way I can help you with the Jerome situation?”

I told him Mrs. Frazier said I didn’t have any problems and didn’t need to worry. I told him what I’d learned about the cause of Jerome’s behavior and what he’d accused me of saying. Then I told him I didn’t say anything like that and Mrs. Frazier had witnesses who would back me up.

“You didn’t need to tell me that, Son, that you didn’t say it,” he said. “You’ve never talked about people like that. I’m proud of the strength of character you’ve developed. You’re a fine young man.”

“I’m not that fine, Dad,” I said. “I’m still having problems figuring what to do with Kathryn. Can I bounce something off you?”

“Sure, I may not be able to give you any more advice than I’ve given Kerry,” he said. “I’ll listen and tell you what I think. You’ll have to make your own decisions.”

I told him what Kathryn had been like when we were coming home on Tuesday. I tried to explain that I didn’t feel like she had to thank me for protecting her but I didn’t expect her to blame me for it either. I told him I’d been thinking about the situation and I thought maybe she was upset and crying because she knew I loved her and was protecting her and it just made her own situation more difficult to handle. I knew she loved being part of our family and was happy being with us. I understood why she wanted to have a chance to spread her wings in New York with her mother. I told him I could understand the conflict she felt but what I couldn’t understand was why she just couldn’t make up her mind about it.

“What do you think you should do, Son?” he asked. “What can you do?”   

“Dad, I think she really loves me and just doesn’t want to hurt me. She feels safe and loved with our family and she never had that with her Mom and Dad. She’s got an opportunity to take charge of her own life and take some chances. She just can’t decide what she wants to do. I think I’m going to have to tell her what I want her to do.”

“What is that, Son?”

“I want her to go to New York this summer. I want her to get away from me and our family for a while. She needs to decide what she wants without me being around. I’m not trying to get rid of her, Dad. It’s like you and I’ve talked about before. I want her to spread her wings and fly on her own for a while.”

Kerry had been listening without saying a word, for a change. Now he piped up.

“What are you going to do while she’s gone? What if she doesn’t come back?” 

“I might date some other girls. I’m going to tell her to do the same thing. I’ll promise her not to fall in love with anybody else this summer. If she comes back, we’ll see if we can get along together better. If she doesn’t come back, well, I don’t have a good answer for that.”

The sun was almost down below the horizon and the entire Western sky was ablaze. We sat there watching. 

“What do you think, Kerry?” Dad asked. “If you were his father, what would you advise him to do?”

“Shit, Dad, I don’t know. I’m not that smart.”

“Well, you’ll be a father someday. You’ll have to give your kids advice sometimes. Should Kavan tell her he wants her to go to New York?”

He looked at me for a minute. Finally he said, “Yeah, I think he needs to tell her that’s what she should do.”

Dad sat for a minute or so and looked at the sky. “I think you’re right, Son. I think Kavan needs to tell Kathryn to go spread her wings. She’ll have to decide whether she wants to fly back to him. Women don’t want to hurt the people they love. They’ll put someone else’s happiness ahead of their own. Sometimes a man has to make up a woman’s mind for her, to make her do what she wants to do, so she’ll be happy.” 

I guess that’s when I knew what I had to do with Kathryn and that it was the right thing to do. We sat there for a few more minutes, just watching the last of the glow on the horizon. When we started back down the hill to our house Dad got between me and Kerry and put his arms on our shoulders. I felt more at peace than I had for two days. I thought of something else I wanted to ask Dad.

“Dad, is it OK if I ask you something about you and Mom, something kind of personal?”

“Sure, Son, what is it?”

“After dinner tonight, when you and Mom were hugging in the kitchen, I was watching you.”

“Well, that’s OK. We don’t hide from you kids when we want to hug each other”

“Yeah, but I saw your face. What were you thinking when you were doing it? What were you feeling?”

He didn’t answer right away. We just walked on, his arms on Kerry’s shoulders and mine.

“Did you know your Mother has a few gray hairs, Son?” he finally asked.

I didn’t know what he meant. “Nah, Dad, I didn’t know that.”

“Well, she does. Do you think we all have some sort of inward yearning for the things that are beautiful and good in life, something that’s a wonderful part of being human?”

“You mean like guys like to look at beautiful women?” Kerry asked.

“Well, maybe that’s some little part of it,” Dad said. “Do you think your Mom is beautiful? Is her red hair beautiful?”

I could answer that. “Sure, Dad, she’s a beautiful woman. Her hair’s beautiful too but sometimes I wish mine wasn’t so red.”

“I’ve always loved her red hair,” he said. “It seems like I’ve always loved her. Now that her hair’s started turning grey, I love her even more. Does that make any sense to you?”

I didn’t answer and, for once, maybe Kerry didn’t know what to say either.

“She’s given me the most precious gift a man could ever get, Kavan. That’s what I was thinking about. She’s given me her love. She’s given me the red out of her hair. Maybe she’s given it to you too.”

I saw the lights on in the kitchen and family room and I knew Mom and Arial and Kathryn were back from shopping. When we went in the house, I went through the family room and into the kitchen looking for them. Mom was in the kitchen preparing a bowl of fruit for breakfast. We all liked it especially when she put a touch of some kind of liqueur in it, like that orange stuff. She told us Arial was in her room and Kathryn had already gone downstairs to our bedroom.

Kathryn was sitting on our bed, using scissors to remove tags from a bra. I saw some other underwear on the bed, a pair of jeans, and a pair of navy blue pants.

I kicked off my sneakers, saw she was watching me, and put them in the closet beside my work boots. I stripped off my shirt and shorts and folded them nicely. I’d only worn then for a couple of hours and she’d taught me to put them on the dresser to wear again. I hadn’t put on any underwear after I showered but she knew I liked to go commando when I was at home. She put the bra to one side and picked up some panties to take the tags off them.

“Your Mom knew I needed some underwear and she paid for all this,” she said. “I told her I had money but she insisted. She got Arial the same thing she got me but she didn’t get anything for herself.”

She stopped and just looked at me. I could see her eyes shining like she was close to crying again.

“Kathryn, that’s just one way Mom shows she loves us. She’s probably the most loving woman you’ll ever meet. She and Dad are both that way. They’ve always made sure we know they love us.”

She sniffed a couple of times and turned her head away from me.

“Yeah, but she’s your mother. She’s not my mother. Why does she treat me that way, like I’m her daughter?”

“It’s because you’ve acted like one,” I said, truthfully. “Since you’ve been with us, you’ve been respectful and nice to Mom and Dad. You’ve done more than your share of work around here. I always had to help with my own dirty clothes before you came. Now you do it for me most of the time.”

“Well, you know I don’t like washing dishes,” she said. “You usually do that for me when it’s my turn.”

I just stood and looked at her for a minute or so. She picked up the jeans and started removing the tags. I knew she was hurting and I knew I was too. I wanted so much to do something to make her happy. I knew it was time to do what I had decided to do.

“Kathryn, look at me,” I said.

She turned toward me. I could see the trail of a tear down one cheek.

“I want to tell you something, something important. I’ve been thinking about it and I want you to listen and not say anything until I’m finished. Will you do that?”

She nodded and I sat down on the bed beside her. She started removing the tags from the pants Mom had bought her.

“I want you to go to New York this summer,” I said. I stopped and waited for her to respond like I knew she would. She turned back to me and started to say something. I held up my hand and she knew I wanted her to stop.

“Yeah, I want you to go to New York. You want to go to New York. I want you to stay here with me. But I know you can’t have what you want if I have what I want. I do love you. I want you to be happy. I want you to go to New York this summer.”

I stopped and tried to organize my thoughts. 

“If you stay here with me this summer, you’ll always feel obligated to me and my family because we love you. You’ll feel like we’re making you stay cooped up when you want to fly on your own for a while. If you and I are going to have a chance at staying together, you’ve got to be free to do what you want to.”

I stopped and waited. I felt like what I wanted to say was coming together. I hoped she understood what I was trying to do.

“You go to New York and stay with your mother this summer,” I said. “You think about what you want to do, what you want your life to be like. We’ll stay in touch. We’ll come up with a time when I can call you each week. You say your Mom’s working a lot at her job. You’ll have a lot of free time. You’ll be able to see the city, go places, do things, whatever you want.”

I knew what I had to say next and I was afraid to say it.

“If you meet another guy and you want to date him, do it. Your Mom has told you there are kids your age where she lives. Get to know some of them. Do stuff with them.”

She put down the last of the new clothes Mom had bought her and just looked at me. At least she wasn’t crying and didn’t look angry.

“If I want to date somebody while you’re gone, I’ll do it. Shit, I might even date more than one girl. I’ll just promise you one thing: I won’t fall in love with any of them. I’ll keep you inside me until the end of summer. I hope you’ll try to do the same thing.”

She started smiling at me. Maybe I was putting my ideas together OK.

“At the end of the summer, if you come back to me, we’ll work hard at making our relationship permanent. We’re young but we’re not too young to marry. I don’t think there’s anything that would make me happier than having you for my wife.”

“What happens if I don’t come back?” she asked. I was going to get to that next anyway.

“Then we’ll agree that our lives will go in different directions. We’ll always be proud of what we had and the love we shared. Someday, maybe when we’re old, we’ll think about each other and smile and be happy we knew each other.”

“Kavan Stuart, do you know I love you?” she asked.

“Yeah, and I love you too. Now, will you listen to me and go to New York this summer and be happy?”

She looked at me, smiling even more now. “Yes, I’ll go.”

She stood up and started undressing. I watched, wondering what she was going to do and what she wanted me to do. She pulled the sweatshirt over her head, did that thing with her hands behind her back, and her tossed her bra on the bed. I sat there looking at those beautiful perfect breasts, perfect except for the little red stripe underneath and on her side where the bra had rubbed. I looked up and she had a different smile on her face. She knew how much I loved her breasts.

She unbuttoned her shorts, pulled then off and threw then on the bed. She had on white panties and her dark pubic hair showed through them. I could see that she didn’t have a sanitary napkin in her panties. I knew she used those things that went inside her when her period was worst and then used just a pad when it was tapering off. I didn’t even see a stain on her panties. I knew she sometimes made a mess. She’d even rinsed her panties out in the shower with me a couple of times.

“Why did you tell Kerry you were just getting over your period?” I asked.

She looked at me, still smiling. “Because I am, Kavan.” She looked down where I was looking, at her panties, and then back at me.

“Do you want to make love with me?” she asked.

I nodded. I guess I always wanted to make love with her, even after I’d done it a time or two. I couldn’t hide it; I knew my dick showed it.

“Kavan, when I’m menstruating, it’s not like plumbing. I can’t just turn a faucet and have it stop. Sometimes there’s a trickle or a drip for a few days afterwards.”

I just sat and looked at her. I knew what I wanted to do but I didn’t know what she wanted.

“I’ve wanted you so much the last couple of days,” she whispered. “Maybe it’s because you protected me from Jerome. Maybe it’s just because I love you and I like what we do together. I didn’t want to shower with Kerry. I wanted to shower with you. I wanted you to make love to me in the shower. If we made a mess, I didn’t want Kerry to be there and see it.”

I stood up and held out my hand. “Could I shower with you, please? I got all sweaty walking up the hill with Dad and Kerry.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, looking down at my dick. “Even if you stir up something and get your dick even redder than it always is?”

I nodded. “I’m sure. Please.”

She pulled off her panties and tossed them on the bed. We held hands while we went to the shower.

We washed each other. We didn’t play and tickle each other. I didn’t grab her butt and she didn’t grab my dick. We just washed each other slowly and gently while we looked in each other’s eyes and smiled. My dick was almost hard before she washed it; afterwards it was pointing up and so hard it was hurting. She let me wash her pussy, first with a cloth, and then with just my fingers while the warm water ran down and off both of us.

“Go get the bench, OK?” she said. I knew what she meant. She wanted me to get the old bench we kept in the basement and used for everything, even in the shower sometimes. I brought it in the shower and waited for her to tell me where to put it. She pointed close to where the shower spray was coming down. She looked at it, moved it a little, and then sat down on it. The spray was coming down in front of her, hitting on her face and chest.

“Come here,” she said, and motioned to a spot in front of her.

When I got in place, the shower was spraying down on both of us, on Kathryn’s chest, on my stomach and dick and legs. She pulled my dick down to horizontal and took the head in her mouth. I put my hands on her shoulders, shut my eyes, and let her suck me.

I wanted to come in her and empty my balls in her, every drop of my sperm, with my dick, with all of me, with everything inside me. I’d just come not three hours earlier but it had washed down the drain and it didn’t satisfy anything. I knew what I wanted to give her: my semen as part of me, everything that’s me. I didn’t want it in her mouth, not in her stomach; I wanted it in her pussy, in her cunt, up in her womb, so I stayed there no matter whether she left me or not. I wanted her pregnant and mine and I knew I was stupid for wanting it. 

“Don’t make me come in your mouth, OK?” I said. “I want to come in your pussy.”

She nodded. With my dick in her mouth, she nodded, and kept sucking and licking and sliding her lips up and down on my glans and sliding one hand up and down one the shaft and holding my balls with the other. I held on to her shoulders and felt everything building up in me. When she stopped, I opened my eyes and looked down at her. 

Her head was dripping wet, her hair was hanging down in black strings, and her face was clean and pink with no makeup. Her breasts were dripping water from the hard little knobs of her nipples. She was beautiful. She was everything I wanted and I wanted her so much it hurt.

She turned around and moved to the end of the bench and I waited. She bent over, put her forearms down on the end of the bench, put her head down on her arms, spread her legs, ass up in the air, and said, “Fuck me.”

I looked down at her, at her ass with the shower cascading down on it. Her little brown asshole was there for my taking but I didn’t want it. As long as we’d been together, I’d never wanted it. Just inches away was her cunt, soft mounds on each side, little lips inside those, lips open at one end just enough to see the pink and red inner flesh. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to fuck her forever until I got me inside her so deep she could never get me out.

I set the head of my dick just where the lips were already separated and pushed gently. The water lubricated my dick and her pussy lips and it was warm but it wasn’t slick like she is inside her. I pushed again and her cunt opened to me and the head of my cock slid into her. I stopped and waited. She wiggled her ass and I pushed again and slid deeper in her. I could feel the cunt slipperiness of her, not the water slipperiness. It was different. I put my hands on her thighs and pulled her ass back while I pushed forward and slid the rest of the way in. She was hot inside and I was where I wanted to be and I didn’t ever want to leave.

“Don’t hurt me, Kavan,” she said. Her head was down, face on her forearms, and her words were muffled. At first I didn’t know what she meant and then I did. A couple of times, when I was fucking her from behind, I’d rammed my dick into her cunt too hard and I had hurt her. She’d told me it was probably because I was hitting an ovary and it was like the pain I felt when I got hit in the balls. I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted to ram every bit of me into her but I didn’t want to hurt her.

I tried to keep my fucking her under control. I pulled back until just the head of my dick was holding her cunt lips open and then slowly slid it back in her. I watched it sliding in and out and I didn’t see anything red or even pink, except my flesh and hers. The water from the shower was spraying down where we were joined and it would have washed everything clean anyway. I shut my eyes and quit watching our fucking and just concentrated on what I was feeling.

I didn’t get in a hurry. I just slid my dick in her as slowly as I could, feeling the slipperiness of her cunt as her flesh molded to mine. I knew I was close to coming but I didn’t rush it. I just kept doing the same thing, slowly sliding in and slowly pulling out, and felt it building in me. 

When I came, I lost all control as usual and pushed into her as deeply as I could. I held her by the hips so she couldn’t pull away and let my semen spurt out time after time into her deepest recesses. Even when I was finished coming and my brain started functioning again, I held her against me, her ass up against me so tight that the shower water ran off on each side. Finally I realized what I had done.

I hadn’t made love with her. I hadn’t even made love to her. I had fucked her. I’d thought of nothing except what I was feeling. I hadn’t thought even once of what she was feeling. It was what she had told me to do but I knew I should have thought about her while I was doing it, not just about how her cunt felt around my dick.

I pulled out of her and let the shower spray over my dick. I didn’t see anything on my dick. It was red like it always is, especially after it has been in her, but she hadn’t made a mess on me.

I pulled her up, made her sit on the end of the bench, and then pushed her down so she was lying on her back. I spread her legs wide, knelt between them, shut my eyes, and let my mouth find her cunt. The shower water was cascading down on my head and running down between her legs.

I didn’t tease her and lick her like I usually do. I went straight for her clitoris. I opened my mouth over it and sucked and licked it until she started squirming and bumping her pelvis against my face. Then I wrapped my arms around, underneath her legs, my hands on her hip bones, and held her down tight against the bench. She put her hands on my head, fingers in my hair, and I guess I knew she’d pull my hair. I fastened my mouth back on her clit and licked and sucked an orgasm out of her.   

When she finally turned loose of my hair, I stood up and looked down at her. She lay there on the bench, one arm over her eyes, breasts soft and almost flat with hard little nipples, legs spread wide, cunt lips open, her vagina not closed but open like a little dark tunnel. I wanted my dick in there. I wanted her again. I looked at my dick. It was still swollen, not hanging down, almost standing up, not hard, but not far from it.

I turned off the shower, picked her up in my arms, kicked the shower door open, and carried her into our bedroom. I eased her down on our bed and then eased down on top of her. I tried to keep most of my weight off her while I got close enough to feel her breasts against my chest and my dick against her stomach. She wrapped her arms around my chest and then locked her legs around mine. I found her mouth with mine and then her tongue with mine and I melted into her.

A few minutes later, my dick was rock hard against her stomach so I lifted up. She knew what I wanted. She slid one hand between us, put the head of my dick in the right place, and I pushed it into her in one long slow motion. When I felt my dick completely inside her, buried to my balls, I stopped motionless, lifted my head, and looked down at her face. She opened her eyes and smiled up at me.

“What are you trying to do, Kavan?” she whispered. “Are you trying to make sure I’ll always remember what your big dick feels like inside me?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I just want to love you and make love to you and fuck you until…shit…I don’t know. I just want you so damn much it hurts.”

“No, it doesn’t,” she said, smiling at me. “It feels good.”

“Yeah, it feels good to have my dick in your pussy. It’s my heart that hurts.”

“I know,” she whispered. “Mine too.”

“I’m sorry for all the stuff I did to hurt you, Kathryn,” I said. “I didn’t mean to. I was just stupid and didn’t know any better.”

“I know,” she said. “You’re a good man, Kavan.”

I eased my dick out most of the way and then slid it back in to the hilt. 

“Am I good like this?” I asked.

I pulled out and then pushed back in again.

“The best!”

 I did it a couple of times.

“Want me to fuck you?” I asked.

She shook her head no.

“Why not?”

“I want to fuck you. I want to get on top.”

I slid my arms under her and curved my hands around over her shoulders. She tightened her arms around my chest and her legs around mine. We rolled together as one, still connected, until I was flat on my back and she was on top of me. 

“I want to ride a horse cock,” she whispered.

I remembered. It was from the nursery rhyme about riding a cockhorse to Banberry Cross. We’d had fun with it once, being silly while she was on top of me, trying to make the nursery rhyme as dirty as possible.

“I see a fine lady, upon a fine horse,” I said. 

“You’re a fine horse, Kavan. Am I a fine lady?”

She slid up and down on my dick and combined it with the back and forward motion she liked.

I nodded and said, “With rings on her fingers and rings on her toes.”

She changed it to the dirty version, “With come on her fingers and come up her nose.”

She did that thing where she flexed her pelvis and slid back and forward with my dick fully inside her. I knew what she was doing and decided to help her. I stuck my thumb in my mouth, wet it with saliva, and held it down between her legs so her clit would rub against it.

“She shall have music wherever she goes,” she whispered.

“She shall have horse cock wherever it goes,” I whispered.

“Is that all?” she asked.

“She shall have my love wherever she goes,” I whispered.

She rode me, eyes closed, and I watched as her breathing got faster and faster and her face went from a Mona Lisa smile to some sort of grimace. Suddenly she grabbed my hand and pressed my thumb against her and I felt the contractions of her orgasm around the shaft of my cock. I held still and let her ride it out.

After a minute or so, she opened her eyes and smiled down at me. “Are you ready?” she asked.

I knew what she meant. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, she wrapped her arms around me, and we rolled again, still connected, until she was on her back and I was on top of her. I waited until she got comfortable, with her arms around my chest and her legs locked over my ass. I slid my hands under her back and curled them around her shoulders so she couldn't get away from me. I fastened my mouth on hers, shut my eyes, and then I began. I knew I wasn’t likely to hurt her in this position. The only way she’d ever complained was when I was fucking her from behind. Everything gradually faded away until I was nothing but horse cock riding her. When I came, it seemed like I was pouring my very soul into her. Maybe I was.


TO BE CONTINUED:
