DEAR PRUDENCE

It had been two weeks and she'd only come out of her room to go to class, or to come downstairs to eat. It was insane.

I'd thought about giving up. People had been telling me to give up on her for a while. Even my mother, who I always considered a pretty devout Christian, told me, "Jonah, in this day and age, Prudence's beliefs are beyond the pale." I had to agree. She was 20 years old and wouldn't date? 

But I couldn't give up. I loved her too much.

I met Prudence almost right away Freshman year. I was immediately smitten. We got to talking, and I found very quickly that I really liked this girl. She was sweet, smart, down-to-earth-and we had a similar sensibility. We were both quiet and shy-but we really connected with each other. I asked her out, right away. That's when I discovered the problem.

Oh, we'd been together many times-but in groups. We always got along famously. She'd told me she loved me-but refused to be alone with me. Sometimes it's insulting. I mean, what am I-a rapist? Come on. It didn't dawn on me until late last year that it wasn't me she was scared of-it was herself. Her own temptation.

Y'see, I never bought that. I was raised Christian, sure-but I wasn't part of one of the No Fun Denominations. I take my beliefs seriously. I pray. I have accepted Jesus as my personal savior. I go to service every Sunday. I believe I am created in God's image-so why would God have made sex so enjoyable if he didn't want us to enjoy it? If Pru felt those drives, then she felt those drives. It's natural and human. I didn't feel guilty about it. Pru, unfortunately, did.

The previous day, I'd finally heard what had happened. I think it was desperation on Cat's part to tell me, she's not one to break a confidence like that. But Pru was just slipping away, and Cat was frantic. So Cat told me-about the summer, about her seeing Cat and Colin. Now I understood, some-but it was time for Pru to snap out of it. 

So, on a lovely Saturday morning, I showed up at the house. Cat was there, and I asked her to go find out if Pru was awake and decent. Cat came back down and say yes to both. "Good," I told her. "I'm getting her out of that room today if I have to drag her out."

"Go! Go! Go!" Cat laughed. I grinned at her and headed up the stairs. I got to their room, and I did not knock-I just plowed right in.

"Wha..JONAH? What are you doing here?"

"You. I'm here to get you. You're dressed? Good. Put some shoes on. We're going out."

"Jonah, no! I can't...I mean, I don't....."

"You can and you will. Look, Cat told me everything." Her eyes opened nice and wide at that. "She only told me because she's worried about you. You need to snap out of it. There's nothing wrong with you. Look, it's a nice day. I want to spend it with you. We can go get some lunch, maybe take a walk."

"Jonah, you know I've never been alone with you...."

"Yes, and that crap stops now," I asserted. Her eyes got all bugged out again. "We've played by your rules for two years. All it's done is gotten me frustrated, and made you into a basket case. Now, get your shoes on."

I was all ready to walk out of there alone. This was a last-ditch gambit, and I knew it, and it was a big risk at that. Imagine my surprise when Pru meekly said, "OK," sat on the edge of her bed, and reached under to fetch her shoes. She put them on, and stood up, looking at me.

"Let's go."

"OK," she said, meekly again.

I should've figured. She has domineering parents and lives under a completely restrictive set of guidelines that some pastor pulled out of the Bible willy-nilly. Why should I be surprised that Pru needed to be told what to do?

I'd never done that to her before-mainly, because it just wasn't my style. I'm not a domineering sort. I'd always treated Pru with kid gloves, because she was so fragile to begin with. 

This was a new development and it was going to take some time to figure it out.

Anyhow, out we went. Cat was thrilled-and surprised-to see her out of her room. I led her to my car and got in.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

"I don't know, what do you want to do?"

"Well, I'm hungry."

"Food sounds good."

We decided on Chinese, and went to a place in North Beverly that was good. Ordering was kind of an adventure, though-it took me a while to get out of her what she liked. She would've just let me order everything if I had let her get away with it.

I needed a way around this. So, finally, I said, "Pru, when I ask for your opinion, I expect you to give it to me. OK?"

"OK," she smiled.

This, frankly, was a less-than-perfect and temporary solution, but it would have to do for now. Pru was so damn brain-addled that she was almost begging for someone to tell her what to do. I don't do autocrat very well, but it looked like I was going to have to fake it for a while. At least ordering her to give me her opinion gave me a bit of an out.

We ate our lunch, chatting amiably about not much. I was just trying to keep things light. Afterwards, we headed back to campus.

One of the best things about attending Endicott was the campus. It's pretty, lots of grassy areas. There's woods. And, best of all, there's the Atlantic, right at your doorstep. The college even has its own private beach. It wasn't swimming weather, not in late October, but it was a nice day for a walk.

I parked my car, we got out-and I reached for Prudence's hand. She took it. Tentatively, but she took it. We strolled through campus, just enjoying the day, until we made it down to the water. We were the only ones there.

"You've had a rough time," I started.

"Jonah, I'm so confused," she sighed. 

"You need to decide what you want. What do you want, Pru?"

"I don't know. There are days when I just want to die. There are days when I want to run home and have Daddy tell me what to do. And there are days........."

"What, Pru?" I said.

"There are days that I just want to give in," she said in a tiny voice.

"Give in to your feelings."

"Yeah. But I can't!"

 "Not the way you have been, you're right." She looked at me. "You give in with another girl-which isn't your preference-then you give in to voyeurism. I think if you were going to 'give in' there are other ways you'd prefer to do so, am I right?"

"Yeah," she agreed.

"I kind of hope, actually, that it'd be with me."

"It would," she whispered.

"Your friend at home seduced you. You were easy pickings, you know. I could probably do the same thing." She looked at me, wide-eyed. "But I won't. Not until you're ready. Look, there's a way these things are supposed to work. I want to do this the right way."

"What do you mean?"

"Start slow and work our way up." I grinned at her. "At least I actually got you to go out with me alone this time, that's a start."

"Yeah," she grinned back. "This is nice, I must admit." Then she sighed. "I don't know, Jonah. It feels like sometimes there's only two things going through my head-lust and guilt."

"What about when you're with me?"

"OK," she laughed, "Love, lust, and guilt."

"The love should make all the difference. Look, if I had first been seduced into sex with a partner I didn't prefer, and then ended up spying on my roommate making love, I'd feel a little guilty, too." I looked at her. "If it happens with us, and we both want it? I won't feel guilty at all. Not one little bit."

"It's going to take me a while to get to that point," Pru confessed.

"We have all the time in the world," Jonah told her. 

"It's just not easy. I've started questioning everything I was raised to believe."

"I know you are. But I was raised knowing that God is love, Pru. We love each other. That's the important part. The rest is just details."

"You make it sound so easy," Pru sighed.

"No, I don't mean to. But, think of it this way. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the water's clear and blue. It's nice out. We're here together. We love each other. What else is important, really? That's what's important-you and I, together. No more hiding from that, and the rest will work itself out."

Pru sighed. "I have to admit, this is nice. I'm just worried about what happens next."

"Well, let's test it a little," I said, daringly.

"What?"

"Pru, I'd like to kiss you. May I?"

Her eyes opened right up at that. She swallowed hard, and looked at me. Then, finally, she whispered, "Yes." 

I softly put my hand on her shoulder, and leaned in. I didn't want to scare her, so it was tentative at first. At first-until she moaned into my mouth and pressed back harder.

Her arm went around my neck. Her lips opened slightly. Taking a chance, I slid my tongue into her mouth, and she sucked on it easily, mashing her lips into mine. After a few minutes, I broke the kiss-and, let me tell you, with a mighty effort.

Now I understood, better than I had. Now I understood why her own desires frightened her so much-because they were raging. She'd surpressed so much for so long. I expected a little kiss. She practically devoured me. I ended up looking at her in complete shock.

"Wow," she managed to get out.

"That's an understatement."

"That was incredible," she said.

"How do you feel about it?"

"Better than I thought I would." Better than I thought she would, too! "I guess I trust you more than I realized. You could push me further right now, and with ease, and that scares me to death-but I trust you not to. Right now."

"Does that mean you're not scared to be alone with me anymore?"

She giggled. "You ordered me to come with you. I think you figured out that I'm almost conditioned to obey orders. You could order me to do just about anything-especially after that kiss. You haven't." She sighed. "I can't live like I have been, but I need time to figure things out. And I do love you. And I know you'll give me time."

"All the time in the world, Pru, as long as we spend it together."

"I like the sound of that," she smiled.

--fin-

This is the third story in this story arc. The previous is called Happiness Is A Warm Gun. The next will be called I'm Happy Just To Dance With You









 
