					WARREN EXPLODES (Chapter 63)

Sophia had just gotten to Mary's office on Monday, and had settled in a chair. "I wonder where Warren is?" she asked, just as her cell phone rang.

"Hiya, Sophie, it's Warren.."

"Where are you?"

"That's why I'm calling. I'm going to be a few minutes late."

"WHAT? Why? Warren, we're sitting here waiting for you! I only have an hour per session, and I expected you to be here! This is important! What is so damn important that you would be late? I can't believe....."

"Sophia!" Mary interjected.

Sophia caught herself. "Warren?" she said into her cel phone. "Oh shit, he hung up."

"I would have, too! Why were you yelling at him?" Mary said.

"He's late."

"Did he say why he's late?"

Sophia looked down at her hands. "I never gave him a chance to say." She looked at the cell phone, and dialed Warren's number. To her surprise, he answered.

"What?" he barked.

"I'm sorry. I had no right to do that."

"Fine."

"Are you still coming?"

"Yes. I'll be there in a few minutes." He hung up.

"Sophia, what just happened?" Mary asked her.

"I don't know. He said he was going to be late, and I just.......I don't know. I panicked. I got an image of him in bed with Alexa or some other girl, or with his nose in a textbook, ignoring me, and I just.....lost it."

Just then the door opened, and Warren stumbled in.  On a crutch, with one of his ankles taped up.

"Oh Jesus, Warren! What happened?" Sophia asked.

Mary had set up two chairs in front of her, for the two of them, and Sophia was sitting in one, but Warren did not take the other, instead plopping on the couch against the wall.

"I sprained my ankle, walking across the quad. Slipped on some ice. And the campus police brought me up here, so I didn't have a car, so I had to hobble a block from the emergency room to this building. And, on top of that, I get yelled at."

"Warren, I really am sorry. I just expected......"

"That's right. You expected.  You and every other fucking person in my life. Do you know the first thing my mother says to me when she calls? 'Are you keeping your grades up?' Then, it's 'Have you fixed things with Sophia yet?' Everybody asks me that! Like it's my fucking responsibility to fix what you broke! And, when I do--and end up taking care of you after another drunken binge in the bargain--I get yelled at because I'm a few minutes late. And I don't say a Goddamned thing because you are such a china doll that if I say anything, you'll break. Between you, and my schoolwork, and everybody's expectations of me--even to the point of all my friends asking me for advice--I am holding up the weight of the fucking world. And I can not do it anymore."

Sophia looked stunned. Warren took a breath, and turned to her. "I am here for you. This is your problem, not mine. I do not deserve to be yelled at. I came very close to turning around and going back to the dorm. I've had it."

"I really am sorry," Sophia said in a very small voice. 

"Warren, how long have you been holding that in?" Mary asked him.

"Quite a while. My mother got it over the phone last night," he managed to smile a little at that. 

"Do you think I expect too much of you?" Sophia asked.

"Sometimes."

"You're probably right," Sophia agreed. 

"Do you ask anything from her?" Mary asked.

Sophia interjected. "No, he doesn't. Very little. Maybe that's the problem, maybe you should ask more from me."

Warren let out an exasperated sigh. "The last time I.......forget that, I've said enough."

"No, Warren. Say it," Sophia implored.

"Warren, this is the time and place to get it all out," Mary agreed.

"OK. The last time I asked something of you was at the beginning of the semester, when I asked you to cut me some slack while I got used to the workload. And we all know where that got me. And, I know you well enough, Sophia, to know that that had something to do with your expectations of me, because you didn't expect me to have problems with schoolwork. The Prep Genius, having problems with schoolwork? Never. He must be hiding something."

"You're right," Sophia agreed. "That's exactly what I was thinking."

"Warren," Mary asked, "are you bitter or resentful about Sophia breaking up with you?"

"Oh, you betcha." 

Sophia looked at him, stunned.

"Still?" Mary asked.

"It was getting better. Screaming at me over the phone did not help."

"Then, why are you here?" Mary asked. "Why are you still willing to work things out?"

"Because I still love her. That never changed, not for a second. And because I still think it's worth it."

Sophia relaxed. "Thanks, Warren. I needed to hear that."

Warren smiled at her, and got up and hobbled to the chair next to her.

"All right," Mary said. "Warren, you still think you can work things out?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, we need to talk about the breakup. Sophia, over our past three sessions, has told me a lot about her history, both with you, and before you, Warren. There's a pattern here., and what Warren just went off about has a lot to do with it. Sophia, why did you go out with Scott?"

"Because he asked me, and I had been without for a while."

"Did you ever think he was any good for you?"

"Deep down inside, probably not."

"So, you panicked, and did something self-destructive."

"That makes sense."

"And who pulled your ass out of the fire?"

Sophia smiled at Warren. "Mister Wonderful over here."

"Right. Now, you told me about your first fight. This time, Warren didn't perform to your expectations. You panicked, and did something self-destructive--you got sloppy drunk. And who pulled your ass out of the fire again?"

"Now, this breakup. Again, Warren was not meeting your expectations. And you panicked. And did something self-destructive--Eduardo--and waited for Warren to bail you out again. Even when he gave you a golden opportunity to help yourself, at the ice rink, you panicked even worse--and then went and did something more self-destructive, which finally got Warren's attention. Your relationship hums merrily along as long as things are OK. When you hit a rough spot, Sophia, you panic. When you panic you do something self-destructive. Now, this behavior predates Warren. You are still trying to get the attention you never got from your Dad, that you didn't get enough of from your Mom, and that you didn't get from your first boyfriends."

Sophia looked stunned. "Oh my God." She took a deep breath. Warren grabbed her hand, and she looked at him with a grateful smile.

"You did it today. Warren didn't meet your expectations, and you lashed out, because you panicked."

"Why do I do it to Warren, though? That's what I don't understand."

"Because you know, deep down in your heart, that I'll keep coming back for more," Warren said softly.

"Huh?" Sophia asked.

"Did you ever have any doubt that I'd try to fix things?"

"Yeah, of course I did. I thought I wrecked things forever."

"Maybe consciously, and maybe afterwards. But not while you were doing it, I don't think, especially subconsciously," Warren said.

"I don't know," Sophia said. "Did you always know you'd try to fix things?"

"I don't know, because I believed up until fairly recently that you had truly left me for another guy, and were probably still with him. I always hoped, I know that. And, yeah, I was playing the 'She's got to fix it' game for a while but, after I realized that you weren't with anyone else and regretted the breakup--yeah, after that I knew it was just a matter of time."

"After I hurt you that much? You just said you were bitter and resentful."

"Yeah, I was." Warren took a deep breath. "I can't think of much that you could do to me to truly make me give up, or to ever make me leave. That's probably what hurt the most."

Sophia was stunned. She just looked at Warren, unable to say anything.  

Mary picked up the conversation. "Why do you say that, Warren? What hurt the most?"

"When she broke up with me...." Warren stumbled a little bit. "I couldn't do that. I don't think I could ever do that. So, when she did it.......I guess I realized that she doesn't love me as much as I love her."

"That's not true," Sophia half-whispered.

"Warren, I don't think it is necessarily true. Because of what we've talked about here. Sophia's got a problem. She's got a problem because of a past that has nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, you are the recipient of the worst of it."

"Warren," Sophia asked him, "had you ever doubted how I feel before this happened?"

"No," he smiled.

"Good. Because you shouldn't. What's in question here is how I deal with problems in my life, not the depth of my feelings for you. They are not in question. They never were, even when I broke up with you. I beg you to believe me."

"I'll try, that's all I can promise."

She smiled at him. "That's good enough."

"Well, let's end on a good note," Mary smiled. "Are you guys going back home for Thanksgiving?"

"No."

"OK. Sophia, I will see you Wednesday. Warren, could you come again on Friday with her?"

"Sure."

Sophia got up, and Warren struggled to get out of the chair on his injured ankle. "Damn, that hurts!"

"Did they give you anything for the pain?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, but I haven't taken it yet. I didn't want to get all loopy in the middle of this." Warren smiled.

"They only gave you one crutch?" Mary asked.

"They said that was easier, since one of my legs is fine. I'm not so sure, though."

"Come on, Snugglebear." Sophia grabbed the arm that wasn't holding the crutch. They made their way through the lobby and into the elevator.

"Shit!" Warren said as they got out of the elevator on the ground floor. "My car's at the dorm."

"We'll have to take the shuttlebus, then." Sophia grabbed his arm again. "Come on, I'll help."

They got out to the shuttlebus stop, and Sophia helped Warren get up the stairs, and into a seat. They rode to their dorm in silence, holding hands. Sophia helped him get out of the bus, and then helped him up the long flight of stairs to the dorm lobby.

"Come on, Warren. Lean on my arm. I'm not a china doll physically, you know."

He smiled at her. "I do know that."

They made it up the steps, and through the lobby, down Warren's hall.

"Jesus! What the hell did you do?" asked the approaching Papa Bear.

"Slipped on ice and sprained my ankle."

"You clumsy oaf," Papa Bear teased.

"Yeah, this from a man who can knock over a shelf just by breathing on it."

"Yeah, but I never ended up on crutches and all taped up because of it. Take care of the oaf, would you please, Sophia?"

"Absolutely."

She helped him into his room. "Where's Tim?"

"Went home for Thanksgiving already, blew off today and tomorrow's classes."

"OK." She settled him on his bed. "You sit tight, I'll be right back."

She returned a few minutes later, with a duffel bag. "OK. You hungry?"

"Yeah. What's in the duffel bag?"

"My stuff. You want supper?"

"Yeah." He started to get up. 

"Sit down. Off that ankle, mister. Give me your food card."

He handed it over, but said, "I don't know what the menu is tonight."

"Relax, I know what you like. Back in a jiffy," and she was off again.

She returned soon with the food. She gave Warren his--she was right, it was all stuff he liked--and sat at his desk to eat hers.

"Done?" she said after a while. 

"Yeah. Thanks, Sophia."

"Here. Take one." She handed over the pain pills. He took one, while she went rummaging through his drawers. She grabbed a tee-shirt and sweatpants, his usual sleeping attire. "Put these on, before you get groggy." He looked up at her, bemused, but took the clothes. He managed to get his clothes off without getting out of bed.

"Man, I forgot what a hunk you are," Sophia said.

Warren laughed, and put the tee-shirt and sweatpants on. Sophia went to her duffel bag and took out a flannel nightgown.

"Your nightgown?"

"Yeah. I'm staying here tonight. I figured I'd get you doped up on pain pills and take advantage of you."

Warren laughed. "Honey, once that pain pill hits, there ain't gonna be nothing there to take advantage of."

"I know," she giggled. "So you don't have to worry about me breaking your 'no physical stuff for now' rule. You need someone here with you, is all." She stripped out of her clothes.

"Speaking of forgetting what a beautiful specimen you are....."

She smiled at him, and slipped the nightgown on. Then she went to his stereo and turned on some music. "Book?" she asked him.

"Yeah, give me that Vonnegut on my desk, please." She did, and pulled one of her own out of the duffel bag. She sat in the chair at his desk, and they read silently for a while.

"Warren?" she said suddenly.

"Hmmph?" The pain pills had started to kick in.

"I love you."

"Love you too, Pookie. Whassat for?"

"No reason." She looked down. "Maybe if I say it enough, you'll start to believe it again."

"Ah, fuckit. 'Sokay, Sophie. You don't have to prove it. I was just hurt, is all."

"I know. I do love you, though. And I like saying it."

"I like hearing it." He thought for a minute. "I got a problem."

"What's that?"

"I really really gotta pee."

Sophie giggled, and got up out of the chair. She grabbed Warren's crutch and handed it to him. "Sit up in the bed. Now, one hand on the crutch, one hand on my shoulder, and up." He managed.

With his ankle and with the grogginess of the pain pills, getting to the bathroom was an adventure. They were halfway there, and Sophia was already in stitches at their halting efforts.

"Shit, I should just carry you," she laughed.

"You carry me, huh? Who the hell do you think you are, Marina Anissina?"

She laughed louder. "I don't think so. You'd have to grow your hair a hell of a lot to be Gwendal Peizerat, there, Snugglebear." 

"Too true." They reached the bathroom. Sophia opened the door. "This is a men's bathroom, sweetie."

"I know. Is there anyone else in here? Then shut up." She helped him over to the urinals and waited until he was done, then helped him back in the room.

After she got him back in bed, she went and fetched herself a coke from his fridge. "You know what, Warren?"

"What?"

"It feels very, very good to be able to help you out for a change."

"You want I should vomit so you can clean me up?"

She cracked up. "Thanks, but I think I'll pass."

"C'mere," he waggled his finger at her. Smiling, she sat down next to him on the bed. He reached around her shoulders, leaned in, and kissed her.

"Oh, I needed that," she whispered after they broke the kiss.

"I could tell," he teased. "I did, too." He brought his arms from around her shoulders, and grabbed his head. "I am definitely loopy. I need to lie down."

"Fine, get me all hot and bothered with that kiss, then pass out on me. Fine."

"Consider it an IOU."

"I'll hold you to that." She climbed over him, and lie down behind him, getting under the covers.

"These beds are too small for two people, you know that?" Sophia said.

"Snuggle in closer, Pookie, I don't bite."

She laughed, and wrapped her arms around his chest, snuggling into his back.

"I love you, Warren."

"You just keep saying that. I love you, too."

They were asleep in no time.





  

