Wonderful World of Zombies - Introduction (20100228)

where the reader is meeting the narrator
and is informed somewhat about the nature and psyche
of the average zombi.

codes: slow, no sex


Introduction


Let me start by introducing myself in a simple manner.
The name I usually go by is William (but depending on location and time I have also used the names, Bill, Will, Wilhelm and Willem, to name but a few).
I was born as the youngest of three brothers in a small village in river delta area that is now part of Holland.
As for when I was born... the closest reference I can give is about 75 to 50 years before the rule of Julius Caesar.
And, yes, as incredible as it seems, that does make me indeed over 2000 years of age.
If you are still reading, I will explain this feature. Even after all this years I still cannot decide if it is a blessing or curse.
I am what the people call a 'zombi'. A living dead, or dead living creature, or simply an undead.
By the so-called experts we are generally classified together with vampires, were-creatures and some other beings.
Not that it really matters. After all, does the donkey care if it is related to the zebra or not?
If the donkey like stripes it will mount a zebra bitch in heat anyway...
The one item of importance is that you, the reader, do realize we were real humans once.

But, please, do not interpret the line above as plea for pity.
For pity we do not need. Understanding and acceptance (however difficult) would already be a nice start.
We (just as vampires and other undead) have our own unique set of rules, parameters or codes if you want to live by.
During the events told in later chapters, these rules will become evident.
But for a basic understanding of what it means to be a zombi the following lines (also very useful if you ever become one...) might help:

At least once in the length of a mooncycle we need to have sex with a human being, where both the human and the zombi need to climax.
The longer we stay without sex, the more desperate we become in wanting it. In a way this explain the mindless that most human usually associate with a zombi.

Over a period of twelve mooncycles we must have at least once sex with a male and at least once with a female.
Depending on the preferences of the zombi (or maybe more correct the preferences of the human before he or she became a zombi) this balance will be more towards a even balance.
Again, the more this balance is not there, the more desperate each of us becomes in achieving it.


After these basic rules, it is now perhaps time to explain some of the other aspects of being a zombi.
Also, depending on ones view, these aspects can be considered good or bad... Each and every one (human and zombi) will have to make its own judgement about this.

Increased strength and agility: simply put, a zombi is in the top percentile of its gender.
While it is possible for a human to be as strong as a zombi, I have only witnessed it once.
And, once the brain capacity diminishes (due to the lack of sex) our strength and agility actually increases.

Life expectancy: basically a zombi (if sticking to the rules) is immortal. Even while I have forgotten more then I care to remember, I feel physically as fit as during the Middle Ages or any other period.
Most of the time a zombi dies because humans kill him. Even while a single human is no match for a zombi, your strength is in numbers and technology.

Recuperation: besides already having an excellent condition (think outrunning a Mongol cavalry unit by foot), we recover about ten times as fast as humans. This is also quite useful during sex as it generally impresses both women and men.

Regeneration: quite useful is also our capability to regenerate. Given enough time, rest and food, a zombi can regenerate most of his body parts. Regeneration is not extremely quick, so a cut off leg is impossible to recover before a zombi has to out again and find its next victim (unless the zombi want to go crazy and die because of the lack of sex).


With the aspects mentioned above, one might think that a zombi cannot be killed. Unfortunately this is not so. A knife or bullet straight in the heart will kill us. Just as severing our head from our torso will accomplish that.
Burning us completely is also effective. Basically it boils down to: if you do it, do it good. Or we will come back...


All in all, I think that this is enough as a general background for my memoirs that I will unfold in the next parts.
