Happenstance
by Path's Edge

It was August, and the gulls flew low on the water.

    Dear Danny,
        Blah, blah. Blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah.
    Blah blah blah blah.

    J

The wind rifled through the letters on my desk, tracing its fingers
along the J of her signature.

             *  *  *

"Maybe tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, maybe tomorrow.... Well, okay. Okay, yeah.  Lunch
then. Tomorrow."

Cars honked in the street, smog slicked the horizon, and the cell phone felt
especially warm in my hands. Warmed by my hands.

Things didn't really make sense anymore. There were the plain facts: a couch,
an empty bed and the unkempt sheets which made it. But no sense to things. A
refrigerator with olives, ketchup, mustard, and pickles. No food.  No real
sense to that.

Things always seem so much messier when the logic behind them is gone.

Maybe it'd be back tomorrow.

             *  *  *

"Gone, hunh? Wow. I thought you two were happy."

"Yeah. Well, it's not like she left mad, or anything. I'm not mad, I don't
think it's just that things don't make sense anymore. It's like I'm dreaming
all the time but I'm so tired that I think I'm awake....

"That didn't make much sense, did it?"

"No, Danny, it didn't."

Mary's eyes showed concern while the wind played with her hair. The bench
creaked beneath me, and the restaurant's chef yelled at his helper.

"I don't think I'm angry."

"You will be soon. It'll happen."

"Maybe. Maybe tomorrow."

             *  *  *

Sunlight peeked around the blinds as I labored between her legs. Amazing
intimacy through the sound of her breath in my ear: she moaned my name.

"Danny...."

I almost said "J" but turned it into "Jana." Maybe I was the only one who
noticed.  Then, I was having sex with her because she wasn't J.

One hand clenched the back of her shoulder, the other the back of her head,
pulling her to me, holding her close as I thrust as hard as I could, the couch
squeaking beneath us.

Her breasts were large, and her skin soft. Her eyes looked into mine, desiring
an intensity I didn't feel. Didn't feel at all. My skin started to go cold, and
I shifted, rolling us both over.

Jana's warm hands felt my body while she kissed me, trying to find more warmth.

I was a cold well.

She slid down and took my penis in her mouth, wanting to finish me off.

It was January, and my heart stopped beating as I jerked in her mouth, her
hands holding me to her.

             *  *  *

Days, weeks flew by in a slow crawl. Blending together until new words began to
come, if only to strike meaning where none was to be found: Montursday,
nightsday, wedaturday.  Crows took nest in a pine tree, and I saw an aluminum
can stand in a parking spot in the office lot for 5 days without being
disturbed.

"Look out world, the big bad is back!"

I took solace in serial television.

             *  *  *

"You need some help out with that, sir?"

The baggage clerk at the grocery store was button-cute, with dark hair and the
saucy attitude of the young.

"I need help with a lot of things, I'm not sure these bags are among them."

"To be honest, I'd like to stop doing this for a while."

"Then come along."

We walked out to my car in silence, surrounded by the noise of a grocery store
and the quiet of a 3 o'clock. She was very pretty, beneath the baby fat.

She helped me load the groceries into the car.

"You allowed to take tips?"

"Minimum wage. Tips are all that makes it tolerable."

I chuckled: I'd worked her job before.

"'sides, all I have to do is make sure the guys can check out my ass and
they'll usually give me something."

She was leaning against my car, pulling a cigarette pack out of her shirt
pocket. She obviously didn't intend to go back in just yet.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It's simple: act innocent to the moms, and show curves to the older
guys, and you get money."

"And me?"

"Don't expect anything from you. I'm just using you for an extra smoke break."
She smiled.

Wind rustled the trees, and a bird pecked through the contents of a dropped
McDonald's to-go bag.  The clerk's hips rested against the trunk of my car, and
her breasts looked nice in the knit uniform top.

I pulled out my zippo, and gave it to her.

"Some of us are just nice."

I put the groceries on the table when I got home, and sat on my couch to
masturbate.

             *  *  *

I bought a hot dog from a street vendor, and went down to the beach. It was
cold, and the wind flapped the hot dog salesman's plastic umbrella behind me.

I watched the water crash into the rocks near the pier, seeing small creatures
dart in and out of the eddies. Crabs, maybe, or whatever those little creatures
are that run so fast.

I tripped, losing my grip on my lunch. It sailed into the surf. within a few
moments, gulls had retrieved the meat, leaving the bread and foil wrapper to
rise and fall with the waves.

             *  *  *

I lay on the couch, remembering my first kiss, with J, sitting on this couch. I
remember putting my arms around her, warm under the jacket. I remember how I
didn't know what to do, embarrassed at first because I was so old, yet had never
done that before. Then I remember how tender it was, not hesitant at all, but
just...tender. Warm.

I remember learning how difficult a bra clasp can be when you're anxious to get
it off her.

I remember her letter.

The wind whispered in a private river next to my head on the couch, and I
understood.

"Yes."

A brief moment of pain as my heart caught fire, burning white-hot. I was
surprised that there was no smoke. The fire spread through my whole body,
turning the world white.

"yes."

Things make sense now.

"yes."

Things made sense.
