YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE YOUR LOVE AWAY
Damn. A month into the semester and I was desperately worried about Pru.
I'm Cat Willet. Pru-Prudence Garraway-is my roommate. We live in a house, just near the campus at Endicott College. There's six of us in the house, and there's three bedrooms, so two girls to a room. We're all juniors, and we've all been friends forever.
Pru is the one that doesn't really fit in. But we all love her. I, especially, love her-we were stuck together as roomies Freshman year, so we've roomed together right since the beginning of college. And I've found myself watching over Pru, protecting her.
Prudence, you see, is one sorry-assed fucked-up individual.
It's not her fault. It's her parents' fault. I've met them once-when they came to get her at the end of Freshman year-and once was, believe me, enough. I'm so thankful that I didn't end up born into that family. I'd say I thank God for it-but God, you see, is the problem.
Well, not God, but religion. Pru's parents are full-blown, fire-and-brimstone, rabid holy rollers. Our housemate Marissa calls them two of the "all fun is bad people." Prudence wouldn't know fun if it hit her on the head. It's scary how preprogrammed that girl is. She's like a robot.
Except-and this is actually the scary and worrisome part-every so often, there's a human being in there. A sweet, gentle, beautiful one. But she's so damn repressed. Look, I have a boyfriend. I have sex with my boyfriend. That scandalizes Pru. I mean, to the point of recoiling-the thought that someone, especially one of her friends, is having sex outside of marriage. And enjoying it-that really gets her. I once asked her if she ever masturbated and she looked as if I had asked her if she enjoyed stabbing herself with hot needles. I mean, sex-as-fun, even as a solo act, is just completely beyond her perception.
It fucks up her life to a degree that you wouldn't believe. Witness Jonah. Jonah is Pru's best friend outside of me. The problem is, they should be more than friends-those two are in love with one another. But Pru won't date him, because dating causes "temptations". Jonah, I swear, has the patience of a saint-he keeps hanging around even though she refuses to be alone with him.
And, the hell of it is, she looks at him with such longing. She wants him, desperately, and can't admit it to herself. She's so out of touch with her own body that it's horrible.
Now, this was all last year. What I saw this year, was a different Pru. And not for the better. She looked, I don't know, almost haunted. She didn't talk much. I tried to talk to Jonah, but she wasn't talking to him, either.
Finally, a month into the semester, I cornered her. "Pru. Time to talk. You can't avoid it any more."
"Talk about what?" she said innocently.
"Talk about what's got you so spooked. You're even more messed up than usual."
Her eyes widened, and she started trembling. "I can't," she whispered. "I just can't."
"Pru. How bad can it be?"
"The worst," she hissed. "This summer. I had sex."
I just blinked at her, completely taken aback. "I don't know what's more shocking-that you had sex, or that it wasn't with Jonah."
That's when the tears started. "It wasn't with a guy."
"PRUDENCE!" I couldn't help myself. I was really shocked. But my outburst made her cry harder. "I'm sorry, I'm just stunned."
"My best friend back home, Louise," she sputtered through her sobs. "She used to be like me. We went to the same church! But she told me she discovered sex at college. With guys and girls. Told me I needed to stop being so repressed." A big sob here. "Then she kissed me. And started touching me. And I couldn't bring myself to stop her." 
"How far did it go?" I asked, almost afraid to, but I asked anyway.
"Her hands. And then her mouth. Down there," Pru said.
"Did you have an orgasm?"
"TWO!" she wailed, like it was the worst thing in the world. "Oh God Cat I liked it! And now I feel so dirty and ashamed and......."
"Pru," I interrupted. "Do you think you're a lesbian?"
"NO!"
"Look, forget the repulsion, forget the moral indoctrination, forget all that. I'm asking you what attracts you. I know you fantasize, loathe though you are to admit it. Do you still fantasize about Jonah, or about a girl?"
"Jonah," she admitted. "I fantasized about Jonah during it," she said, very softly. "I'm not a lesbian, I don't think."
"So, was it sex that bothered you, or sex with a girl?"
"BOTH! Cat, sex before marriage is wrong! And homosexual sex is really wrong!"
"Who says?"
"That's not part of God's plan for me."
"So who created hormones?"
"Huh?" she asked.
"Who created hormones? If sex isn't part of God's plan, why did he give us raging hormones? Why did he make sex so fun? Why do you desire Jonah?"
"But that's for marriage."
"Bullshit. Listen to me. Those rules were written by men. Religion-and I said religion, not God-is all about subjugating women, especially the fundamentalist religions. Men wrote those rules to control women-because women inherently control sex, because we're the ones that have babies. Furthermore, for much of human history, there was no adolescence. There wasn't much 'waiting' for marriage, because girls got married as soon as they got a period. Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed. Those rules don't mean much in the modern world, Pru."
"I'm so confused," she wailed.
"Look. How old were you when you had your first period?"
"Eleven."
"You'll be twenty-one in a month. Ten years you've been dealing with this. That can't be in the 'plan' of any just and merciful God. If you believe in God like you do, you have to admit-God gave us hormones. God gave us the ability to have an orgasm. God made sex pleasurable-and he also made it a basic human need. Maybe not as basic as eating or breathing, but close. Your body is telling you to have sex, Pru! Aren't you made in God's image?"
"You mean I should just give in?" she said. "Do whatever feels good?"
"No, that's not what I mean. If I did that, I'd sleep with half the campus. I love Colin, but if I wanted to find someone better in bed, it wouldn't take much." She snorted out a giggle, looking surprised at herself. I grinned at her. "Hey. Colin had little experience when we finally went to bed last semester, then we were apart for most of the summer. Sex is kind of new for us together. I just have to get him to where I can tell him what I like without destroying his precious male ego." She giggled again. "But, no, I'm not saying to do whatever feels good. I'm saying to keep an open mind." I sighed in exasperation. "Pru, Jonah loves you, with all his heart. And you won't even date him. He's been in love with you for two years. He's still hanging around." I grinned at her. "That kind of devotion should be appreciated-and rewarded."
"Oh, God. I can't deal with this!" she moaned.
"I don't know what to tell you, Pru. It's there. It has to be dealt with. One way or another. Look, sex between two people who truly care about each other is wonderful. And you don't need a marriage license, or your parents' permission."
"It goes against everything I believe it," she maintained.
"I know it does. But why? That's what you have to ask yourself." I gave her a little hug and left the room. Pru had some thinking to do.

---The End--
This is the first story of this story arc. The second is Happiness Is A Warm Gun




