ON THE OFFENSIVE (Chapter 121)

The World Championships were held in late March. This year, they were in Amsterdam. Sophia and Warren were thrilled with that-because of what they had planned. The Netherlands was a liberal country.

The USFSA insisted that they do a press conference, to defuse some of the furor. The USFSA probably regretted that. If they expected Warren and Sophia to become all repentant and compliant, they had the wrong ice dance team.

"Sophia, why did you do the Maxim shoot?"

"Because I thought it would be fun. And it was. I don't regret it at all. I look good in those pictures!"

"Warren, what did you think of it?"

"I thought it was great."

"Sophia, what is your response to some figure skating officials who are contending that what you did is bad for the sport."

"Bad for the sport? Tell them to check the ratings after Worlds and then come talk to me. Judging from the fan mail I'm getting-from guys who've never seen me skate but now plan to watch-I'll bet the ratings are going to be sky-high."

 "Sophia, don't you think that posing in Maxim is a little extreme?"

"Nope. Not at all. It was fun, and, like I said, I love the way it came out."

They couldn't make a dent in either of them. They showed no regrets about doing Maxim-or, the "Pink" exhibition when they were asked about that.

The press, of course, still sensed a good story. If they weren't going to get any dope from Warren and Sophia, they had other places to go. A fruitful one was Courtney Rogers, who disparaged Sophie to every media outlet that asked about her. Sophia was actually amused. The papers were so desperate that they were groveling for quotes from some rookie who finished third at US Nationals. Of course, they got lots of quotes from skating big-wigs, too.

However, it seemed like the supporting quotes from such people as Evan Pogdar and Liz Cushman carried the day. 


More trouble came their way during Tuesday's practice. They had just stepped on the ice for their long-program run-through when Betsy wailed.

"We're sixth to go, and they haven't started yet, I think you have time," Warren told Sophia.

"Good point." Sophie left the ice, went to where Ellen and Betsy were-and breastfed her daughter, right in the middle of the stands. There were plenty of fans and officials and judges in attendance-and the practice dress Sophie was wearing didn't lend itself to being discreet. She had to undo the buttons on the front to get her nursing bra undone. In other words-if you wanted to look, you'd be able to look.

She finished up, handed Betsy back to Ellen for a burp, did her dress back up-and was on the ice with about three minutes to spare.

"Everyone in this arena thinks I'm nuts," Sophia grinned. "Hey, I didn't have time to get to a private place."

"That was disgusting!" Courtney Rogers said as she skated by.

"Eating is disgusting?" Sophia said in amusement.

After their run-through-which was perfect-Sophia was grabbed by Curtis Ingalls. "Sophia, it might be more prudent if you breastfed your baby in private."

"I didn't have time," Sophia shrugged. "It was either do that, or miss our run-through, or let Betsy wail. And I don't cotton to men trying to tell me when and where to feed my daughter!" She stormed off, a grinning Warren in tow.

"Let's see," Warren grinned, "how many enemies can we make this week?"

"Too many," June, their coach, chipped in. "You guys need to be careful."

"You forget something, June," Sophia told her. "We don't need figure skating, remember? We have other things to do. And our integrity is more important to us than our figure skating career."

"Suit yourself," June grinned.


The competition started well. They actually won the first compulsory, the first time they'd ever won a compulsory in an international competitions. They were happy to see that the American judge didn't screw them, and placed them in first. "Figures-it's the last year for compulsories and we finally win one," Warren mock-grumbled.

The second compulsory was a different story. The judging panel for this one was chock full of representatives from the Judging Mafia. Warren and Sophia finished 6th. The Russians were first and third, the French second, the Italians and Germans fourth and fifth. The Brits, Brenneman and Watts, who had been second behind Sophia and Warren in the first compulsory, were down in 10th. Shawna and Evan were down in 11th.

"Same old same old," Warren grumbled.

The original dance was different. First of all, the judging panel-drawn from the panels of the two compulsories-didn't have too many from the Judging Mafia. The second reason was that Sophia and Warren immediately realized that they made an astute musical choice in skating their waltz to Pam Tillis's "In Between Dances."

"By the time the judges see us, they're going to be so damn sick of The Blue Danube that anything is going to be better," Warren laughed.

"Did you notice that those two little snots, Courtney and Ryan, are skating to The Blue Danube?" Sophia laughed.

"Yeah, and I noticed at Nationals that their long program is Carmen-the most overused skating music of all time," Warren laughed. "If I ever suggest we skate to Carmen, shoot me, OK?" 

They were one of the last to take the ice. The young Russian team, Kuznetsova and Vasilyevsiky, were leading. Sophia and Warren took the ice, and glided through their waltz without a flaw. And, at least the crowd perked up at hearing something a little different for music.

There were two teams after them. One was the Brits, Brenneman and Watts, whose original dance had been getting raves all year. They skated it wonderfully, and beat Sophia and Warren. Next were the defending world champions, Yatserova and Vaglach. Without enough of the Judging Mafia on the panel, they were whacked all the way down into eighth-and deservedly so. They were sloppy and boring.

Sophia and Warren ended the night in first place, but with almost a negligible margin over both the Brits and the young Russians. If any of those three won the free dance, they would win the gold medal.

"Well, at least it looks like we're not getting hammered on the judging this year," Warren told Sophia.

"Nope. That'll come next year," she laughed. "Especially if we go through with The Plan."

"Oh, well. We'd better win the damn thing this year, then," Warren laughed.


Warren and Sophia got the order to skate they wanted-dead last. A lot of skaters didn't like to go last, because that meant there was a long time between the warm-up and when you skated. Warren and Sophia didn't mind that, however. They were good at keeping their muscles loose backstage-and they liked going after all their competition had already skated.

The second-to-last group actually had a couple of outstanding performances. The young, surprising Irish couple, Dunphy and O'Riordan, skated an excellent program. Shortly after they were done, Shawna and Evan skated absolutely lights-out. Warren and Sophia agreed, it was the best they had ever seen their friends skate. As the final group of five skaters took the ice for warm-ups, Shawna and Evan were leading.

The first two pairs in the final group were the defending world champions, Yatserova and Vaglach; and the French, Borisina and Dravouche. Neither were impressive. Both, in fact, were placed behind the Irish pair and Shawna and Evan.

Then it was time for the three contenders. The young Russians, Kuznetsova and Vasilyevskiy, were first. They obviously had talent. But they were still sloppy and unpolished. They ended up behind the Irish and Shawna and Evan in the free dance-but were far enough ahead of both teams to still be leading them, and thus be in first place, in the overall standings.

The Brits, Brenneman and Watts, were next-and they were good. Very good. They easily moved into first, and Warren and Sophia knew they'd have to be bringing their A game to defeat them.

Then, it was time for "Riverdance". It was, by far, the most difficult program in the field, and Warren and Sophia knew it. The trick was performing it correctly. 

It started slightly slowly, with a few simple moves-but didn't stay that way long.  40 seconds into the program and they were into their side-by-side step sequence, a sequence of incredible difficulty and speed. They nailed it.

One of the reasons previous ice dancers had had trouble getting good scores for "Riverdance" is that they took the step-dance influence too seriously. Irish step dance is performed side-by-side much of the time. Side-by-side isn't a preferred position for ice dance, except in the side-by-side step sequence. Closed position, where the skaters are facing one another and in a dance hold, gets you better marks in ice dance. So, Warren and Sophia step-danced on ice in closed position. This is not an easy thing to do. They had also increased the difficulty of their lifts, the weakest part of their technical arsenal.

After the opening, and a stunningly fast and complex series of steps done in closed position-plus a few dynamite lifts-the music moved into the slow section. Though slower and quieter-and very beautiful-it contained its own pitfalls, due to the irregularity of the rhythm pattern. This is where they had programmed their other step sequence, a circular one in closed position. Again, they nailed it. They were on fire.

After a series of drumbeats-and another fine beefed-up lift-the music moved into the final two sections. The first of these was difficult because of the meter-4 measures of 7/8 time followed by one of 4/4.  They easily danced through it. The final section was back to 4/4, but fast. They flew through it. A final lift, and then a spin, and they were done.

The applause was thunderous.

They came off the ice, happy, but exhausted and apprehensive. "We can not skate that program any better," Warren told June, their coach. 

The first set of marks came up, the technical marks. They were stunning-there were five 6.0's, and the rest 5.9's. The big question is, would the presentation marks go down? 

They did, but not a lot. Mostly 5.8's. As they looked up at the scoreboard for the ordinals, they found out that it was good enough. Warren screamed, and Sophie yelled "We did it! We finally did it!" as their names appeared next to the number 1.

Sophia Daniels and Warren Kelleher had just become the first ever American team to win the World Championships in Ice Dance.


It was almost an American sweep, and that had never happened before. Their friends Brett and Andrea, the night before Warren and Sophia's triumph, had won pairs in a stunning upset over Sellers and Poulin, the Olympic champions. The night after Warren and Sophia had won, Liz Cushman defended her World Championship successfully, using the "Finlandia" program that Warren and Sophia had choreographed for them. Only the men didn't win-but the US men's team here was young and untested. National Champion Tom Bellamy did well to finish 5th in his very first World Championship at only 17 years old.

At the competitor's party afterwards, Liz asked the duo about choreographing her long program for next year. They happily agreed. Tom Bellamy, sitting with them, said, "That's funny-when I found out you had done Liz's program, I was going to ask you the same thing. My jumps are there but my choreography sucks."

"Yeah, we can do you," Sophia grinned, "but you have to come to Boston."

"No problem, I train in New York-I can drive up in five hours," Tom said.

"And it has to be in July. The last week in July, we're doing Liz's program-and it has to be before then, because after that we'll be a little busy," Sophia giggled.

"They're getting married August 9th," Liz told him.

"Congratulations!" Tom said. "Yeah, July will be fine."


The day after the party was the day for the exhibitions. 

The silver and gold medal winners would skate twice. They'd kick off the festivities, then the fifth through third place skaters from each discipline would skate, then the silver and gold winners would skate again. Warren and Sophia's second exhibition would be the second-last of the whole evening, followed only by Liz Cushman.

For their first one, Warren and Sophia repeated "Pink". If anything, they played up the sexual aspects of it even more than Nationals. They had a ball skating it, and it showed. In a liberal place like Amsterdam, it was well received.

Their second exhibition? Well, that was a different story altogether.

They hadn't told a soul what they had planned. Not June, their coach. Not their parents or friends. They had choreographed and rehearsed this program over the past month in secret, late at night. 

They took the ice in what looked to be black bathrobes. They didn't go to center ice, but stood right near the entrance at the near end. 

The first thing that the audience heard as the program started was Sophia's voice, saying, "This is a program about love and beauty." Then, a short series of drumbeats. During this, Sophia slipped the black robe off her shoulders, revealing her to be dressed in what looked like a large rainbow-colored sheet. 

The music proper started, and the opening riff immediately identified the song to anyone who'd ever heard it-Cyndi Lauper's beautiful ballad "True Colors". As the circular riff unfolded, Sophia spun away from Warren, with Warren holding one end of the rainbow-colored sheet, making the sheet unravel as Sophia spun. As the intro ended, Sophia glided away from Warren.

And as the sheet fell away, Sophia skated across the ice-completely, stark, naked. Except for her skates and socks. The gasp from the audience was clearly audible.

Sophia glided around that end of the ice for the first verse, the spotlight following her naked form. As the first chorus began, she skated over to Warren, and pulled him with her-revealing that he had dropped his robe out of the spotlight while she had been skating, and he was as naked as she was.

They had choreographed this program very carefully. It was quite deliberately not suggestive, or salacious. It was about love and beauty. And acceptance. And not being afraid to show the world who you were. When they came up with the idea, they had quickly agreed that "True Colors" was the only possible musical choice. It said, in the music and lyrics, everything they were trying to say with the program. This is who we are. These are our True Colors. And we don't care what anyone else thinks-because we love each other.

Using deep edges, long glides, and the most evocative body positions they could come up with, they had created a program that was stunning in its beauty. They had marvelous, gorgeous lifts-hard to do when naked-and a fantastic spread-eagle sequence where they glided across the ice, Sophia in front of Warren, one of his arms around her waist, her arms spread out to her sides. 

It seemed that the audience almost forgot-or accepted-their nakedness. They were too caught up in the program itself. Love and beauty, indeed.

At the end of the program, Warren skated to the end and retrieved the rainbow-colored sheet. As Cyndi Lauper sang her last ".....like a rainbow," Warren skated to center ice, the sheet overhead. There he met Sophia. Warren put one end of the sheet around his waist, and Sophia took the other end, and spun towards him. They ended the program in an embrace, naked, surrounded by a rainbow.

They held their breath for two beats. Then every single person in the arena was off their feet, screaming their delirious approval. 

"Damn," Warren said, stunned at the reception.

"We did it," Sophia happily agreed. 

They took their bows in the nude to a rapturous reception. They grabbed the black robes, threw them on, and stepped off the ice. Liz Cushman, on their way out, turned to them, grinned, and said "I will never forgive you for making me follow that!" 

June was waiting for them. "That was the most beautiful, the most stunning, the most incredible thing I've ever seen," she told them. "And you guys probably just wrecked your career permanently."

"Probably," Warren agreed. "But what a way to go, huh? A World Championship followed by that program? If this is the last time we ever get near a podium, I'll take it."

"Too bad TV will never show it," June told them. "You know the exhibitions are taped, to be shown next week, right? They'll never show that."

"We thought of that," Sophia said.  "Anyhow, word will get around." 

"That was for us, anyhow," Warren said. Then he looked up. "Uh-oh. Here's where the excrement hits the portable cooling device." Sophia giggled, then looked up herself, to see Curtis Ingalls, the president of the USFSA, approaching them. He was furious.

"What the hell did you two think you were doing?" he bellowed.

"Nude Ice Dancing," Sophia giggled, irreverent to the last. "It's the new thing. We're going to have competitions and everything."

Curtis fumed, then grabbed a nearby policeman. "I want them arrested!" he bellowed.

"For what?" the bemused policeman said in accented English.

"Indecent exposure! I found that program offensive!" Curtis said.

"Sir, this is Amsterdam. We don't consider artistic nudity to be indecent exposure here," the policeman said. Then he turned to the duo and said, "I loved it, actually. Very nice."

"Thank you," Sophia beamed at him. Then she turned back to Curtis. "Why do you think we did it here? The Dutch are far more enlightened."

"Mark my words," Curtis fumed, "you two are done. You'll get no more support from the USFSA. I will not have our sport turned into a freak show."

"A freak show?" Warren bellowed. "Did you even watch the fucking program, Curtis, or were your eyes too glued to Sophie's tits?" Curtis turned bright red at that. "That was no freak show. And what do you mean about 'support'? It can't be financial, we don't get any of that from the USFSA and haven't in four years. Is this a threat to engage in judging shenanigans?" 

"Take it any way you want," Curtis spat.

"You know what, Curtis? I have trouble with authority," Sophia told him. "I don't respect it. And when someone puts my back against the wall, I have more trouble with it. If there's a hint that you're influencing the judging to our detriment, Warren and I will fuck each other in the middle of our long program at Nationals! On live TV! Even if we do get arrested for it!" Then she stormed off. 

Warren turned to Curtis, who was still fuming, and said, "Oh, Curtis? You forgot to congratulate us for being the first Americans to win a World Championship in ice dance." Then he followed Sophie.

They dressed and headed back to the hotel. Hungry, they went to the restaurant, greeted by some of their friends-Evan, Shawna, Liz-giving them a standing ovation as they walked in. They ate with their friends, then went back to their room.

They weren't there two seconds before Sophie launched herself at Warren and started stripping off his clothes. "I am so horny," she purred.

"Hmmm. I think we need to ice dance in the nude more often!"



To their absolute amazement, the TV network did show "True Colors" the following week. It was preceded by an announcement from the commentator.

"We must warn you all that the following selection contains full nudity from both skaters. However, we have decided to show it. First of all, lots of people had heard about it, and we're getting far more calls demanding we show it than we are demanding that we don't. Plus, it's a wonderful program. So, we are showing it, with this warning."

"Wow," Sophia said to Warren, "I'll bet Curtis is pissed."

It was the first time they  had seen it. To their delight, they realized that it did everything they had wanted it to do. The most amusing part was listening to the comments from Dave Burrows, the long-time color commentator for the network. When Sophia first emerged naked, Dave let out a gasp and an "oh, my word." When Warren joined her, similarly nude, Dave intoned, "Well, this takes guts, I'll tell you that." As the program progressed, Dave started waxing rhapsodic about the beauty of the program. And, at the end, he proclaimed, "Well done. Very well done. A winner, all around."

"I love Dave Burrows," Sophia laughed.

In the days after the telecast, the phone was ringing off the hook. Jessie called and, of course, made a joke about taping the program for "more masturbation aids." Crash called with an "awesome!" Papa Bear called from Wisconsin, teasing Warren about "not having to worry about getting a woody, what with it being so cold. You looked like it was receding!"

Of course, Warren replied with, "Sophie's bearing her tits to the world, and you're looking at my dick? I worry about you, Paul!"

Of course, there were contrary words. Mumblings from the USFSA, letters to the editor, angry phone calls to the TV network.

"This is going to come back to haunt us," Warren said.

"Probably. But it was worth it, wasn't it?" Sophia said.

"It sure was. But figures, though-we upstage ourselves. First American ice dance World Champions-and all anyone's talking about is us skating in the nude," Warren laughed.

"Well, we don't do anything quietly, do we?" Sophia giggled.


---end of chapter-


















