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 100 REMINISCENCES OF A MARRIAGE TO A CHILD.
   Foreword.
   100 Reminiscences of a marriage to a child is a work of fiction, and as
such for the purposes only of fantasy, not intended to condone or encourage
paedophilia.  It is set on a fictional island community, where child-sex is
legal, and told from the 1st-person viewpoint of a 39yo man who has taken a
child-bride.  It is, therefore, a serious contemplation of how such a
culture might work (or not).  Moral pronouncements will be made through the
voice of this fictional character and his fictional society.  It is a
series of reflections, 250 words each, and will be posted 10 at a time.
   Reminiscences 31-40.
   * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
   41.  My most memorable mouth-fuck of Amy...
   ...is a difficult one to choose, as there were so many.  However, I'll
go for a summer's evening, about 4 months into the marriage.  We had the
session downstairs in the living room of our cottage, in the natural light
of the low sun.  No need to close curtains on pedo Island, although some
modest people do.  We got naked - by this time Amy was less overawed by
intimacy, but I still invariably had to initiate sessions - and we knelt
face to face.  I kissed and touched her for a bit, but when I slowly lifted
off her headband and fluffed her fine blonde strands out around her
shoulders, she knew it was time to start.  I knelt upright, whilst she
squatted a little lower, and I gently guided her stooping head.  I was
medium-flaccid at first feeding it into her, then quickly became rigid in
her mouth.  By this time Amy had acquired a lot of the basic skills in
sucking my top half, whilst I had learned to carefully judge the rhythm and
depth of thrust she could cope with.  After 5 minutes of sighing for me,
and the minimum of choking for Amy, she made a game effort to swallow the
lot.  She pulled a heck of a little face, as she coughed some of it over
her chin, and also a guy walked by the window at exactly that point, and
gave a wave.
   42.  "Would you like to have sex?"
   One very simple little way of getting Amy to be more like `mutton' [17]
was in encouraging HER to suggest or offer sex.  This does not come
naturally to any girl under 11, but nevertheless can easily be taught and
she can say the words, eventually even `with feeling'.  Anyhow, at school
on the island, they teach the girls to do just this.  It can be scary for
them to do it, especially if she's already had one or two experiences of
sex that were painful, intimidating or disgusting.  For my part, I had kept
pain to an absolute minimum for Amy - there was the unavoidable slight
injury and shock of the wedding night - and always interacted as gently as
possible.  By the time she popped her first `invitation', I had penetrated
her vagina only 5 times (partial at that), but had grinded and cummed on
her quite a lot.  She had also learnt a lot about being kissed, and being
groped and licked.  She was also making good progress in giving hand.  3
weeks into the marriage, she said, "Would you like to make love?" This was
probably because it was how I mostly referred to it.  She had a squirmy
sort of smile and was blushing and looking at the floor as she said it.  I
put my hand on her 9-year-old thigh - so thin - and said, "Yes, of course,
sweetheart." I was gentle, as below.
   43.  `Making Love' versus `Having Sex'.
   That first time she ever made the offer [above], I ended up giving her a
lot of oral and general kissing and caressing in a 90-minute bedroom
session.  I didn't want her to associate unpleasant consequences with her
putting her best foot forward.  I didn't even mouth-fuck her that time.  I
came twice.  Once was a result of her hand-job, done on top of the covers
so she could see the full event - I was just about getting her used to
semen all over her hands at this point, as well as witnessing my
orgasm-behaviour.  The next one was from a nice, `quietly intense' grind of
her little bottom, all done with firm but gentle handling of her by
shoulders, sides and hair.  There was certainly no harm in having her
associate that kind of session with `making love'.  She in fact asked me,
"What's the difference?" after I'd requested her to sometimes call it
simply `having sex'.  So, I now went into teacher mode.  "Making love is
when we're being very gentle, but also very passionate.  It's for days when
we're feeling very fond of each other, or in a very romantic mood.  Having
sex is when we just want to feel a bit of fun, or to unwind after a hard
day.  It could be when we're in a light-hearted mood too, but not sort of
`sentimental'." She partly understood.  I believe most paedophilia is a
mixture of love with possessive lust.
   44.  Deep-Throat: no way to treat a little girl.
   Of course this could be seen as the ultimate way, of enjoying
cock-in-mouth with your child sexual partner.  However, I did not enjoy it
- or rather Amy didn't, therefore neither did I.  I am not averse to
insisting on things she does not necessarily `enjoy', but this one just
seemed a step too far.  The line has to be drawn somewhere, or I believe
one could lose all self-respect in one's sweet paedophilic relationship.  I
tried it only 3 times with her, round about the 4th month of marriage.  I
had her hang her head off the end of the bed, and was up front in
explaining what I wanted us to try.  She was so sweetly consenting, even
though she knew well enough the size of an erection by now.  The first time
was a disaster as, after many retches and aborted tries, I ended up cumming
whilst touching her throat but not `in' it.  Her noise was upsetting to
behold, and my semen flooded out of her nose.  The 2nd occasion, I simply
gave up and gave her a facial instead.  The third time, she did manage to
`swallow' my shaft partially, but panicked and wriggled as I inseminated
her stomach.  I felt it was just very scary for her, as well as the slight
danger of damaging her oesophagus which I did not want to risk again, an
erect adult cock more than taking up its diameter.
   45.  The `69-substitute': the first effort.
   Nothing to do with American football, but this was to do with a way of
getting round the near-impossibility of eating Amy's cunt whilst having my
cock in her mouth.  It could be done with improvisation such as propping my
head forward, or by laying side by side and I curling my body up awkwardly.
However, if I lay flat on my back with her on top, there was no way her
face could reach my penis.  She could, however, reach easily enough to wank
me, whilst her golden hair tickled my belly and I suckled at her little
slit-mound.  I was usually unable to give Amy her juvenile brand of orgasm
during this, as I tended to cum too quickly.  The first effort at this
specific position was 2 months into the marriage, while she was still a
doll-like 9 years old, and it was no exception.  It was on the bed, and I
grasped and stroked at her little legs, sides, hips and bum with unashamed
sensuality as I suckled a faintly musty child-cunt.  She knew by now to try
rocking on my face, and she had basic knowledge of how to give hand, but I
punctuated everything with instruction.  My final command was perhaps a
little gruff in hindsight, for her attitude had been good: "Point it at
your face - ugh - now - now - ughh - now!  - yess!  - aughhhh!" Mostly I
had splashed her nose, forehead and one cheek.
   46.  Another way of `making love'.
   I speak of course of loving sex which is geared towards a pre-pubescent
girl, as opposed to a fellow adult.  I evolved a non-penetrative session
with Amy in the first year of the marriage - indeed even a non-grinding one
- which at times was as satisfying as any form as sex.  It tended to happen
when we were both very relaxed, and I was feeling particularly sentimental
towards her.  It had a dual focus: kissing and licking her endlessly -
face, mouth, neck, chest - whilst gently masturbating her with the pads of
my fingers.  It encapsulated much about paedophile sex, in the way she lay
submissively on her back with her thighs resting open in taboo fashion, yet
her demeanour so sweet and innocent.  She giggled or moaned in juvenile
hints of orgasm, sometimes gasping and wincing if I experimented with
parting her puffy little labia or poking into her vaginal passage proper
(narrower even than a finger - but it stretches).  It rarely failed to give
me a sustainable hard-on, and often I could cum without even touching
myself, usually directing it somewhere on her body.  In the early days it
was overwhelming for her, but as she grew used to intimacy I had her grasp
my erection to completion, meanwhile continuing to kiss and finger her. 
Sometimes I felt inspired/devilish enough to shuffle up her body at the
last moments to spurt it at her face.  She came to understand it was
`affection'.
   47.  Is it possible to be `in love' with a child?
   I used to ask myself this, in the days before my island life, and
probably many anti-pedo cynics would ask it now.  I speak not of the loose
metaphor folk mean occasionally when saying they're `in love' with this or
that child, their own perhaps.  No, I speak of literally being `in love' -
that is, feeling all those genuine affections for her but at the same time
desiring her sexually, indeed enjoying actual sex with her.  Is this
possible, with say a 9-year-old girl, in the eyes of a 41-year-old man?  A
resounding and simple YES: but I'll elucidate...
   The most basic proof would be the fact her presence - especially her
skinny little naked presence - quickly inspires an erect penis, and a good
one at that.  However, most significantly, I still find all those little
foibles of her personality endearing, and am deeply concerned not to hurt
her.  In other words, it is in no way just a ruthless lust.  Indeed, the
affection for her overall persona is a cause of the especially good
erection.  I want to `fuck' her', but I also want to `make love' to her,
because of who she is and how old she is.  This is no different in essence
to any relationship - we love a person for whom they are at a given time
and place, and where we ourselves are at - although whether such a young
child can feel `true love' in return is another matter.
   48.  Snapshot of my sexual love of the 9-year-old Amy.
   Further to the question posed in [47], here I encapsulate it with one of
our commonest sessions.  After undressing on the living room floor, we lay
down for a tender and sexy time.  My focus would be on kissing - just lots
of kissing - of her fair little face and mouth.  Nothing evinces a person's
`love' more than kissing.  As further proof of this, I often felt no need
to inflict the difficulty of penetration on her during these sessions, but
merely to ejaculate.  She would be passively on her back whilst I lay by
her side with a leg across her, pecking at her cheeks, kissing her
exquisite forehead, licking at her nose-freckles, and pacing her
inexperienced soul into French-kissing.  My heart beat in tenderness and
passion for her as I breathed her child-breath, and I cradled her head or
scooped up lengths of her fine blonde hair - after removing her headband.
Also, need I say, I felt up her entire body and fondled her hairless little
genitalia.  Amy's participation was to masturbate me as I kissed.  As soon
as my shaft was big enough, I encouraged her to use both hands, which meant
I was in effect `fucking her grip' as though it were a vagina.  I groaned
and my adult arse bucked as I came like a tap over her young flesh, whilst
clutching her head and planting a kiss.  In other words: true sexual love,
no doubt.
   49.  Can a 9-year-old child be `in love' with an adult?
   Complex.  My best answer to this would be that she can `learn to be'. 
This is not unlike any arranged marriage throughout history, the only
difference being the added ingredient that her immature and essentially
non-sexual mind must adapt to sex itself.  A huge part of it undoubtedly
comes down to trying not to hurt her - moreover in convincing her that one
is actually TRYING not to, even if sometimes there is pain or revulsion. 
For example, after a vaginal or blow-job consummation, I would apologize
sweetly, breathlessly explaining it is necessary for my well-being and my
expression of love for her.  In any case, it did not take long for Amy to
learn that every ejaculation was a highly pleasant `need' for me, and she
began to `want' to cause it for me.  Most important, though, is that
everything we did together was in the context of an overall friendship and
day-to-day shared activities.  In other words, I treated her also in the
non-sexual ways a child needs, as well as providing adult support.  She
developed familiarity with me, and emotional dependence, in common with any
consenting relationship.  Finally, the power of experiencing an orgasm -
even her underdeveloped juvenile version of it - cannot be underestimated
in bringing about a measure of genuine enjoyment of sex.  Therefore, I
treated her shy and giggling soul to cunnilingus and fingering often.  The
love she perceives is outweighing her sense of victimization.
   50.  End of Year Report.
   Anybody who marries a girl under 18 on the Island must write a 200-word
report after a year is up, and make a decision on whether to renew the
marriage for another year.  This is the text of mine:
   Amy Sheridan, age 9 years & 3 months at date of wedding (June 5th). 
Report by husband, Philip Johnson, age 41.
   After early episodes diagnosed by the M.O as `mild shock and anxiety',
Amy has developed a genuine affection for me, and a willingness to engage
in most sex acts.  Cunnilingus or being body-massaged bring her distinct
pleasure.  Some things are `ambiguously' fun to her, such as giving
hand-job, receiving facial, or receiving a rough bum-grind.  Amy likes
gentle contact, is totally accustomed to nude cuddles and fondles, and she
is pretty much okay with French-kissing after making a gradual progression
from finding them disturbing.  She dislikes anal penetration and to a
lesser extent vaginal, and would still `rather not' have me cum in her
mouth, but understands it is `the way of things'.  She is however, sweet
and agreeable, and generally a mature joy for her age.  Her delicate blond
looks are as much a balm to my soul as ever.  Communication and shared
activities of non-sexual kinds are the foundations to our bond.  I
unhesitatingly wish to explore the deepening of this, to work away my
residual guilt, and fine-tune the thrills of child-sex with Amy for another
year.  I am unquestionably `in love' with her.
   * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
   This is the half-way point.  The next 10 to be posted in a day or two.
Feedback welcome to ep1968@hotmail.co.uk Webpic of girl who inspired 'Amy'
available on request.  
  
100 Reminiscences of a marriage to a child (41-50)